A/N: Aight, so I did the thing where I didn't finish writing the chapter until today, which means it's coming at you a bit later in the day than I would have liked to post... sorry. I hope you all enjoy it, though! It's been a minute since I posted something where Anna was a little tot, so hopefully this is a welcome treat for you guys :)

Enjoy! And thank you so much for all the favorites, follows, and reviews! They mean a lot to me!

If You Take Away the Pride, What's Left?

Anna is four

"I can go with you?" Anna asked, placing her stuffed frog on the bed next to Dean's weapon-filled duffel bag. She'd been ordered repeatedly not to touch any of the weapons- a rule she'd been hearing for as long as she could remember- so she hadn't so much as touched the bed where they all lay for most of the morning. But most of the weapons were safely tucked away in the bag now, and Dean was putting the last few in now, so she felt like it was alright to stand closer.

Anna stuck her bottom lip out in a plea, because she knew that Dean was going to say no, and she really wanted to change his mind. She grabbed the leg of his jeans in both hands and leaned her head back so she was looking straight up at him.

"Sorry, Munchkin, but I think this is a little above your paygrade," Dean said with a little smile. He finished stuffing his last sheathed knife inside of his duffel and zipped the bag, then reached down and scooped Anna up to set her on his hip. "But I'm only gonna be gone a few hours, and you'll be asleep the whole time."

"But I don't like when you're gone," Anna pouted, her arm resting on his shoulder. Her little fingers twisted the short hairs at the back of his neck as she gave him a puppy dog look that Dean knew she'd learned from their brother. She held his eyes for a moment, and when he twitched a sort of sad smile at her, she laid her head down on his shoulder, knowing it would make him feel even worse.

"You're breakin' my heart, Rugrat." He bounced her a couple times, and she picked her head up, pout disappearing. "But you know I have to get rid of the monster. We don't want anyone else getting hurt."

"Yeah," Anna said sadly and then went quiet.

She really didn't want anyone else to get hurt. But she didn't want Dean to get hurt, either. And the only reason he was taking all these different weapons was because he didn't even know for sure what the monster was he was hunting.

Dean set her on her feet on the floor. "Go get your shoes and your jacket so we can go get lunch, okay?"

Anna scurried off across the room to the second bed where she dropped to her stomach and started wiggling her way under the bed. She was almost all the way underneath when she felt hands on her ankles and Dean tugged her back out into the open and scooped her up again, this time letting her dangle at his side with one arm around her waist. "Tell me your shoes aren't stuck way under that bed." Her shoes almost always wound up stuck under the bed, and Dean was always wondering at how she'd managed to get them there.

"No," Anna told him, like the idea was silly. "My jacket is under the bed. My shoes is in the bathroom."

Dean made a face. "How, pray-tell, did your jacket get under the bed and your shoes get in the bathroom?"

"I had to weared my shoes to brush my teeth a'cause I was in a big war and then I hadta hide underneath the bed a'cause there was no other forts." So she'd been playing. Dean shook his head and set her on her feet again.

"Tell you what, Rugrat. I'll get the jacket. You get the shoes. And from now on, you quit crawling on the dirty floors in this place, alright?"

"Okay," Anna lied agreeably.

She did run to the bathroom for her shoes, though. This was her favorite pair of green rubber boots, and she wore them all the time, rain or shine, even though she did have a pair of sneakers she could wear too. She stepped into them one at a time, using both hands to tug each one all the way onto her foot. She scurried back out into the main room where Dean was sitting on the edge of the bed, wiping cobwebs and dirt off her purple jacket.

"Is Daddy comin' back to help you?" she asked, planting her palms against Dean's leg and bouncing up and down with energy.

"What are you talkin' about it?" Dean asked as he held her jacket out for her.

Anna slid her arms into the sleeves and turned around so he could zip it up for her. "When you go to hunt the monster," she clarified.

"Dad's in Virginia, Munchkin. You know that."

"But you can't go by yourself alone."

Dean squinted at her for a second, trying to figure out the best approach to this situation. Brush her concern off? No, because she wouldn't really feel better if he did that. Be real with her? It was what John would do, but no. He instead tried to instill some optimism. "You really think this monster's any match for me? Hey, come on, they don't call me Batman for nothin'."

"Deaaaan," Anna giggled. "Nobody calls you that!"

"They do too," Dean retorted, feigning offense. "And no monster stands a chance against Batman."

Anna's expression went from giddy to serious and a little sad almost instantly. She twisted her fingers in front of her and then suddenly lurched forward again, putting one hand on each of Dean's knees and leaning up so she was looking in his face. "But even Batman has to has a sidekick so's the bad guys can't get him behind his back."

Dean made a face. "I suppose you want to be my sidekick," he guessed.

Anna gave him a bright, hopeful smile. "I can be like if Robin is a girl."

"And that sounds like a great spinoff," Dean said encouragingly. "But not this episode, okay?" He then frowned at himself. What was he doing, speaking in metaphors to a four-year-old? Now she just looked confused and disappointed. "I appreciate it, Rugrat. I really do. But you have nothing to worry about. I'm gonna go out there, and this thing will never know what hit it. I'll be back before you even wake up."

Anna looked down at the floor, looking anything but comforted. It was weird, because usually acting confident and being all smiles was all it really took to re-instill her faith in him. After all, he'd always come back in the past when he promised he would, so Anna had no reason to think he wouldn't come back this time. But now she was twisting the toe of her little green boot into the carpet, looking a little like she did when she was in trouble. "Dean, I heard you 'afore," she admitted quietly. "You telled Daddy that he hadta help you, and he wouldn't come."

Dean made a face. He had called their father just yesterday to ask him to come meet them and help out taking this thing out. But he hadn't realized Anna was listening. That was the last thing he wanted to hear. How could he undo his own words without turning himself into a liar on multiple counts? "Listen, Munchkin-"

"I just wanna help you," Anna explained, her eyes wide and pleading, brimming with tears already.

Dean wanted nothing more than to see that look fall off her face and be replaced with a smile. "I know. I know you do," he said gently. He picked her up and set her on his lap, one arm around her back. "But I promise you, I've got this one. I did ask Dad for help, okay? I did. But he told me I was capable of doing this one by myself, and that's what I'm tellin' you. You gotta have faith in that. Have faith in me and Dad."

At four years old, all Anna had was faith. In her family, in the good of the world, in tomorrow looking better than today. But it wasn't enough for her now. Faith wasn't always enough to tackle fear. "But I can come with you just in case," she pleaded, hoping against hope.

It was one of the few times in his sister's life that Dean hadn't been able to make her feel immensely better with a few words of assurance. It made him feel helpless. And to make matters worse, she was right. This hunt was dangerous. He should have someone at his back. But there was no universe in which he would take a four-year-old with him anywhere near the thing he was hunting. In fact, his first request when it had become clear that John wasn't about to come help him take the thing out was that their father pick up Anna so she wouldn't be anywhere near the thing. And kids weren't even its M.O.

"No, Munchkin. You're stayin' right here," he told her and stood up, setting her on the floor. He could clearly see that she wasn't happy with his decision, but he would much rather she stomp around for a couple hours or even that she go around looking like a kicked puppy than she get ripped apart trying to help him with something that was so far out of her league it wasn't even funny.

Anna gathered Halloween from the mattress and held him against her stomach. She wasn't wearing her overalls or she would have stuffed him into the pocket. Dean watched her out of the corner of his eye while he picked up his keys. She was too quiet, which basically meant she was thinking way too hard for a toddler. He was surprised when she turned around and hugged him around the leg again.

"Please," she requested.

Dean looked down at her, watched her eyes get big and fill with tears again. His heart broke for her. What would happen to her if he really didn't come back tonight? He barely let the thought cross his mind before reminding himself that he would never let that happen. Sure, he had his own concerns over tonight. But they couldn't see the light of day, certainly not in front of his baby sister. Hell, if he'd known she hadn't been completely tuned in to her cartoons yesterday, he would have never voiced those concerns to their father either. He was good at stuffing fear away where it couldn't be seen.

Exuding calm and confidence no matter what kind of a mess he was on the inside was his job, had been since he was Anna's age. And Dean was good at it.

He crouched in front of his sister and poked her in the stomach. "You're too little, Anna," he explained calmly. "But I promise you, everything is gonna be alright. If I really didn't think I could handle this, I wouldn't be doing it."

"Pinky promise?" Anna requested, holding out one little finger.

Dean crouched down to her level one more time, and he hooked his pinky into hers. "Pinky promise," he said so earnestly that all he could think about for a second was how hard Sam would have laughed at him if he could see this moment. But the thought danced away tauntingly in that way that all thoughts of Sam had to now. And it was replaced by a pang of guilt and empathy as his focus returned to the little face in front of him.

It was clear by the shine to her green eyes and the tight line of her mouth that Anna had never taken so little comfort in a pinky promise- they were the most solemn type of promise in her four-year-old mind, and Dean had never broken one.

()()()

The dread got worse as the day wore on. Anna was cranky. Cranky enough to stubbornly refuse to eat dinner that night in the middle of a diner full of people. She'd only slept for twenty minutes instead of her usual hour earlier in the day, and Dean had known instantly that it was gonna be a hard afternoon to get through. But just how bad, he didn't know until there was no going back.

It was around six when they got back from the diner. After some convincing and cajoling, he'd gotten Anna to eat half a sandwich, and she'd been a little better on the ride home. But she was starting to get that look to her eyes that she got when she was tired- they were pink around the rims and just the tiniest bit bloodshot. Normally, when she looked like that, he would try to get her to bed earlier, but tonight he couldn't spare the time.

He needed to talk to their dad, because after he had Anna in bed, he would be heading out to hunt the fugly just outside of town, and he still felt more anxiety about this hunt than he'd ever felt about one in his life. Even if John didn't have any more advice for him, there would be a grounding effect to talking to him, Dean knew. When he and Sam were kids, their dad used to run them through the plan for every hunt over and over before they ever left. He always sounded in control, sure of himself. Dean wished he could still believe in their dad the way he had back then. But even if he couldn't, at least John would still sound just as sure of himself, just as in control. And that would help. Because Dean felt unprepared, out of control, and if he was being honest with himself, a little scared.

Watching Anna scurry over to the motel bed with her stuffed frog dangling from one hand, Dean said, "Go put your pajamas on, Rugrat. I'll be right back." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and moved back toward the door. He wasn't going to call their dad within hearing distance of Anna again, not after last time.

"Okie dokie," Anna sing-songed.

()()()

She watched her brother step outside and then squatted down by her duffel bag to get some pajamas. She was thinking about wearing her Princess Jasmine ones, but she wasn't sure yet. As she tugged the zipper on the duffel aside, Anna frowned slightly. It reminded her of the duffel full of weapons that Dean had packed just this morning. Suddenly, she had an idea how to keep her brother from going hunting tonight.

Anna climbed up onto the bed where the duffel bag filled with weapons sat and used both hands to grab the big strap. She wasn't supposed to touch any of the weapons, but she figured this was okay since she had a good reason and she wasn't actually touching any guns or knives, just the bag they were in. She scooted back to the edge of the bed, dragging the bag with her, messing up the top sheet of the bed in the process.

She hopped back off the bed, barely keeping her balance, and tugged on the strap until the heavy bag fell to the floor in front of her, making her stumble and fall on her behind. The sound of all those heavy firearms hitting the floor, even with the duffel's fabric to cushion it, was loud enough to make her spin around so she was on her hands and knees, looking between the windows and door in case Dean had heard and was about to come in and bust her.

When she saw that the coast was clear, Anna stood up, grabbed the strap of the duffel, and heaved, trying to get it to move. She couldn't pick it up, though, nor could she keep dragging it now that it was on her level and gravity wasn't helping her. So, she settled for option two. She got down on her hands and knees again and used all her weight and strength to push at the duffel with both hands. It took a long time, but she eventually got it under the bed and out of sight. She wanted to make sure Dean wouldn't be able to find it very easily, though, so she crawled under the bed after it and kept pushing and shoving at it until it was up against the wall. She heard the door swing open and instantly scrambled to get out from under the bed.

"Alright. Rugrat, I think it's-" Dean gave her a strange look when he saw her climbing to her feet. "Were you playing under the bed? We just talked about that this morning, Anna. We don't play on the floors, especially under the bed. They're dirty."

Trying her best to look contrite, Anna nodded solemnly. "I will not play there anymore," she promised.

Dean shook his head with a tiny, fond smile. "Where are your pajamas?" he asked.

"I didden put them on yet," Anna said. "A'cause I want you to pick them!"

She didn't know what it was she'd said or done, but Dean had this funny look in his eyes- like he was sad and happy at the same time. He picked her up, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and hugged her really tight. She rested her cheek against his soft flannel and nuzzled her head into the side of his neck, safe and comfortable, content in the knowledge that Dean wasn't going to be hunting anything tonight- she'd made it impossible by hiding the duffel with all the guns in it. Dean kissed her on the forehead again and set her on the floor. "Why don't you wear your favorite ones, Rugrat? I'm gonna put all my gear in the car for later, okay?"

Anna scurried to her duffel without saying a word. She knew Dean wouldn't be able to actually gather all his gear, so pretty soon there would be nothing to worry about and right now, there was nothing to argue about.

()()()

Dean watched Anna pull her pajamas out of her duffel before turning around to collect what he would need before heading out. John had been less than pleased to receive another call from him. He'd admitted that it was usually a bad idea to go out after something when you didn't know what it was, but he still wasn't telling Dean not to chance it.

He'd been in town for a week now, and the thing was still taking lives. That wasn't the Winchester way. Or so John had said. He'd probably meant it to be some kind of pep talk, but Dean was always aware of his sense of duty. Of course he had an obligation to take the thing out. That wasn't in question. His fear was that the thing would take him out and carry right on killing this town's fine, upstanding citizens. He didn't like not knowing what he was after, but more than that, he didn't like going after a lethal mystery monster without any backup.

He paused halfway through reaching toward the bed, his thoughts tripping over themselves as they came to a sudden, halting stop. "What the-"

Dean was sure he'd left the guns there this morning. But maybe he'd already brought them to the car? He didn't remember doing that. He turned in a small circle, doing a visual sweep of the rest of the room. He made a huh face. He must have brought them to the car already, because they weren't anywhere in the motel room. Well, he should still check the car, he figured. "Goin' outside for a minute, Rugrat," he called over his shoulder, so she wouldn't freak out if she stepped out of the bathroom and he was gone.

A minute later, Dean closed the trunk with an expression of utter confusion on his face. He frowned at the pavement under his feet. How the hell did he lose a whole duffel bag filled with weapons? A frickin' mini arsenal, equipped just for tonight, and it had just disappeared? He patted the trunk with one hand as he tried to think where else he might have put it. He glanced into the back seat through the window, but it wasn't there, and he'd known it wouldn't be. Why would he put a bag of weapons right next to where his sister's car seat was? The bag wasn't in the car.

When he stepped back inside, Anna was standing in the bathroom doorway with her toothbrush in her hand. She hadn't put any toothpaste on it. She looked earnestly at him when he walked in, and before she'd even spoken, he instantly knew what was up, just by seeing that look on her face. But her words confirmed it, "I guess you can't go hunting now, huh?"

Dean looked at her for a minute, then shrugged off his jacket and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. "Anna."

"Uh-huh?"

"Come here."

He watched her scuttle over and drop her toothbrush on the bed beside him before leaning forward with both her hands on his knee, looking up at him. "Take it from a professional, Rugrat. When you do something that you don't want someone to know you did, you should pretend you don't know the thing happened. Because that looks suspicious. You get what I'm saying?"

The look on her face said she hadn't followed at all. But Anna still said, "Uh-huh."

He was tired and stressed enough that Dean elected just to leave it at that anyway. He couldn't do explanations right now. "Where'd you put my duffel?" he asked, careful not to let a hint of amusement show on his face. It wasn't hard this time around. He wasn't in the best mood as it was, and if Anna had seriously hidden the weapons, that meant she'd touched something she was not supposed to touch under any circumstances.

Instantly, her hands moved from his knee to instead twist at the hem of her sparkly purple pajama shirt. "Um… what duffel?" she asked, overdoing the 't' as she looked deliberately at the floor where her little bare feet were scuffing into the carpet. Everything about her reply screamed guilty.

"I'm not playin', Anna. The duffel I packed this morning. Where did you put it?" He was using his serious, stern voice, and he could see the effect it had on her. He didn't speak to her like this very often, but when he did, she was almost always quick to fall in line.

He watched her chew on her bottom lip, but all she said was, "Um…"

Dean was about to prompt her again, but he suddenly realized where the duffel was. When he'd stepped inside after speaking with their father, Anna had been crawling out from under the bed. He'd thought it was weird that she'd been under there when he'd just told her to get into her PJs, but he'd assumed she was just playing. Anna had done weirder. But now he knew what she must really have been doing under there.

"Is it under the bed?"

Anna pursed her lips, and Dean watched her chin dimple as she got more and more upset. But she wasn't the only one. He stood up and lifted her by the armpits to move her out of the way so he could kneel down and look underneath the bed. Sure enough, there it sat, pushed back against the wall. Dean turned his head to look up at Anna with an expression that said he was not impressed, then reached under with one hand to pull the duffel out and plop it back up onto the bed.

Standing back up to his full height, he watched Anna's eyes gaze hesitantly up at him. He didn't have the energy for this, but he couldn't leave it alone either. And if the way Anna's whole face was scrunched up was any indication, she wasn't about to leave it alone even if he had gone that route.

"Are you allowed to touch those?" he asked, trying to keep his voice even. He felt short-tempered in a way that he usually didn't with Anna. He wished he could flash forward to tomorrow morning when things would be somehow okay, skip the drama, and the fear, and the guilt, and the whirlwind that tonight's hunt would inevitably be.

"I didn't touch them!" Anna argued.

"Oh no. No no," Dean said, shaking his head at her. "I told you, we're not playin' games tonight, and you know better than to lie to me."

"I didn't!" Anna insisted. Dean fixed her with a look, but she put her hands on her hips and positively glared back up at him. "I only touched the bag," she said. "I did not touch the guns."

"Isn't that a neat little loophole?" Dean said to no one. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and then crouched down and pointed a finger at Anna's chest. "From now on, you don't touch the bag they're in either. Okay? What if something was loaded-" Nothing would be, he was too careful for that, but still- "or a knife wasn't put away properly?" Again, it wouldn't happen, but still. "You could've been hurt."

Anna didn't argue any more on the subject, but she looked at the floor, and Dean could hear her breathing faster and shallower. It made him wary. Clearly this was about more. "Dean, you cannot go hunting today," she told him decidedly, stomping one little foot as if telling him she meant business.

Dean's eyebrows popped up of their own accord. He couldn't think of a single time she'd spoken to him like that, and it threw him right for a loop. "Excuse me?"

Her face managed to scrunch up even tighter in anger, and it was a sight Dean hadn't seen on her in almost a year. "You can't go!" she screamed, her voice rising in pitch.

Stunned into silence, Dean just stared open-mouthed at his sister for a minute. Her face was red, her eyes were bloodshot, and her hands were curled into tight fists. Suddenly, the scene looked more familiar. She was about to throw a tantrum, and there was little hope of staving it off now that she'd gotten worked up enough to start screaming at him like that, but Dean still had to try.

"You can't go!" she squealed again before he could even say anything.

"Hey," he said, voice lower and gentler than it had been since this morning when they'd talked about the hunt. He didn't reach out, because she never liked to be touched when she was having a meltdown, and he wanted to do everything in his power to calm her down, not make things worse.

"No, you can't go!"

"Okay," Dean soothed, feeling himself become somehow more calm as Anna continued past her boiling point. She stomped her feet and let out a big, shuddering breath. "Let's take a deep breath, okay?" he suggested, voice pacifying.

Anna looked up at him with pure rage in her eyes and did something she'd never done before. She stepped forward and slammed both hands against his chest, nearly knocking him back on his ass and succeeding in knocking the breath out of him for a second, more because she'd surprised him than because she'd done any physical damage.

Dean recovered quickly as she tried to bolt past him. He didn't know where she was planning on going, but he wasn't about to wait and find out. There were only two options considering where they were, and he wasn't about to let her lock herself in the bathroom or run out into the parking lot. He grabbed both her arms and pulled her back towards him. The momentum did knock him back on his ass this time, Anna falling in against his chest. She screamed, this time wordlessly, and Dean was less surprised at the attack this time when two little fists started pummeling his shoulder.

"Hey, hey, hey," he called, trying to get her attention. It was to no avail, and he just tucked her against his chest to wait out the storm.

Anna stopped hitting him almost immediately, but she still kicked and squealed trying to get out of his hold, and eventually she started crying, sobbing out the words, "You can't go. Don't go."

Dean's heart split into little pieces as he held her. "I'm right here," he said, but the words didn't seem to reach her. She was still flailing, trying to break free, crying so hard he could hear the rawness of her throat in the way her sobs started to sound more raspy. He tucked one hand against the back of her head and tucked her head in against his shoulder like he'd held her earlier today. "I'm right here," he repeated. "I'm right here."

He wanted to say I'm not going anywhere. But it wasn't his choice. How was he supposed to call his father back up and say, I couldn't do it? How was he supposed to stay at the motel tonight and then read a headline in the morning advertising the death of another local? How was he supposed to put away his pride and his responsibility? For Anna this was simple, but for Dean it was so, so complicated. Too complicated.

Finally, his sister went limp in his arms and just sobbed. She sobbed and sobbed until her throat was so raw that the noises she made had Dean tightening his arms around her and struggling not to cry right along with her.

Thing was, Anna didn't know pride. She didn't know complicated. All she knew was that she didn't want Dean to get hurt. And the fact that she was clinging to him, crying into his shirt because of just how scared she was for him… it was enough to warm Dean's heart and break it all at once. Anna was the only one left in his family who gave a shit about him… but she really gave a shit. She cared like only a little kid could, loved and trusted him blindly and honestly. She looked up to him and listened to him and talked to him and laughed with him and at him. He was more than obligation to her. She liked him as well as loving him, and just the thought was often enough to make his heart swell. He had a hard time ever believing he deserved that from her.

But now… Dean realized that as much as she was just about all he had, he was all she had. Yeah, they both had Dad, and if push came to shove, they could probably count on Sam, assuming they had a way to contact him. But right now, today… they were it. Most days since Sam had left, they were it.

Anna lifted her face from his shoulder and looked up at him with red-rimmed, watery eyes. "I'm sorry," she told him shakily, voice rough and breaking. "You can go if you have to." She often replaced her c sounds with t sounds, but somehow, she got every word right as she spoke this time. It made her sound just a little older despite her tiny, trembling voice.

It made Dean feel even worse.

He was all she had. And she was all he had.

There was a lot that she'd had to face too soon. Hell, everything she'd ever had to face that had to do with hunting was too damn soon. She was four years old. A baby, in Dean's mind. And he would be damned if he was going to make her grow up any faster than she already had to.

Anna didn't know pride. She didn't know complicated. So why should she pay for either one?

And when you took away the pride, took away the complicated, the right choice was pretty obvious.

He felt her settle her head back in the crook of his neck, heard her sniffling. "I'm not going anywhere, Sweetheart," he promised. "I'm right here. I'll be right here."

La Fin