Chapter Forty-five
After the wedding feast ended, Brienne and Jaime retired to the Tower of the Hand and spent a glorious night together in each other's arms. The next morning, they said goodbye to their friends and family, mounted their horses, and set out for Casterly Rock.
It had been particularly difficult for Brienne to say goodbye to her father. They were both headed in opposite directions, and she had no idea when she would see him again. It might be months, years, or never, and Brienne hated not knowing which. But she had her own life to live, and so did he. Selwyn had promised he would come visit the Rock once Brienne and Jaime welcomed their first child into the world, and Brienne intended to hold him to that promise.
Before leaving King's Landing, Jaime had suggested hiring a wheelhouse for the long journey to the Westerlands, insisting that the Lady of Casterly Rock should travel in comfort, but Brienne had balked at the idea. Even though her title had changed, it didn't mean that she wasn't wholly capable of making the journey just as she'd made most others, on horseback. Besides, they had both agreed that the trip would be a lot faster if it were just the two of them on the road, and so the decision had been made to strike out on their own.
It had been a good decision, in Brienne's opinion. Traveling alone together reminded her of the first days of their relationship, when she had dragged Jaime, bound and defiant, toward King's Landing. It seemed like ages ago now, and yet, almost like yesterday. At the time, they'd wanted nothing more than to be free of each other, but somehow, their days on the road together had only brought them closer. Now, Brienne couldn't imagine her life without Jaime Lannister by her side.
Brienne and Jaime rode all day and spent their nights camping in the wilderness, making love beneath the stars. It was more wonderful than Brienne had ever imagined, and she was almost tempted to ask Jaime to live with her like vagabonds for the rest of their lives.
"What are you thinking?" Jaime asked one evening as he hunkered down next to the campfire, sitting directly across from Brienne.
Brienne glanced up from the flames, suddenly dazzled by just how beautiful Jaime looked in the firelight. Her voice little more than a whisper, she answered, "Just that I could live like this forever."
"Could you?"
"I could. I know that we have a life waiting for us at Casterly Rock—an important life, full of good works and great responsibility—but I can't help but wish that this was our life, that we could live out here in the open wilderness, just the two of us, for the rest of our days. I think it would be lovely, don't you?"
"I do," Jaime said, an almost wistful smile curving his lips. "Though, I'm sure King Bran would have something to say about it."
Jaime got up and walked around the campfire, settling down next to Brienne. His closeness made her whole body flush with warmth, even out in the open air, and she knew it wouldn't be long until they were proving their love for each other once again.
Jaime took Brienne's hand, gently stroking her skin with the pad of his thumb. Gazing into her eyes, he said, "Do you have any idea how much I love you, Lady Lannister?"
Lady Lannister. The words swirled through Brienne's veins, almost making her lightheaded. Even now, it was hard for her to believe that she was Jaime's wife. Very little had actually changed since they'd taken their vows, and sitting there in her riding leathers, in the middle of the forest, it was very hard for her to imagine herself as anything so lofty as the Lady of Casterly Rock. And yet, despite outward appearances, they were married, and she was the lady of a grand keep, and they were headed toward a future that looked very different from anything Brienne had ever known or dreamed of.
"I have a fairly good idea, my lord," Brienne answered. "I believe you love me almost as much as I love you."
Jaime laughed. "That isn't fair, my lady. I think we love each other equally. Or perhaps, I love you just a little bit more than you love me."
Brienne gasped in mock horror. "How dare you, ser? I think I have done quite a lot to prove my love for you. How can you doubt its fierceness?"
"Oh, I don't doubt its fierceness, but you should not doubt the depth of my love either. I love you more than life, Brienne of Tarth, and I always will."
That was more than enough for Brienne. She was done teasing. Now, all she wanted was to show Jaime just how much she loved him.
Brienne leaned forward and kissed Jaime softly, sweetly, reveling in the feel of his lips against her own. When she finally pulled back, the fire in Jaime's eyes was unmistakable, and Brienne wanted nothing more than to become one with him.
No words were spoken as they both undressed, though as they were on the road without a tent, neither one of them could strip completely. Jaime discarded his leather tunic and the linen shirt beneath, leaving him bare-chested as he untied the laces on his breeches. Brienne removed her breeches completely, choosing to keep her undertunic on, just in case someone discovered them in the middle of the act.
As soon as they had both shed their clothing, they were back to kissing each other again. Brienne's fingers entwined in Jaime's hair, his hand exploring her body with an urgent hunger. When they had been at the Red Keep, safely ensconced in Jaime's bed, he had always taken his time loving her. But here in the forest, things were different, and whenever they made love, it was wild and passionate and free.
Jaime pushed Brienne back onto the soft earth so that she was lying flush beneath him. He nudged her legs apart, and without any warning, he drove into her. They moved against each other with unbridled passion, striving for something that had become second nature to them both. Brienne never felt more alive than when Jaime was inside her. He made her feel vital and loved and whole.
Brienne's climax came upon her quickly, causing her entire body to shudder with pleasure as Jaime continued to move within her. She dug her nails into his back to keep herself grounded as she plummeted into the abyss.
Soon enough, Jaime came crashing over the edge himself, a triumphant roar tearing from his throat. Brienne buried her face against his neck and smiled softly, happy that she had been able to give him the pleasure he so desperately deserved. Because although Jaime still considered himself unworthy of her, Brienne knew that he wasn't. He had changed so much since the first day they had met. He was no longer selfish and arrogant. Now, he was a kind and thoughtful husband, a gentle lover, a noble knight. And there wasn't another man in all the world that Brienne would rather have been married to.
Jaime nuzzled Brienne's ear, placing a quick kiss against her neck. His voice light with laughter, he said, "You can let go now."
Brienne's eyes flashed open, and she suddenly realized that she was still clinging to Jaime, her nails digging into his back. She instantly relaxed her grip, sliding her hands up over his shoulders and down his arms. She hadn't meant to hurt him. She'd just gotten lost in her desire.
"I'm sorry," Brienne said. "Sometimes I don't know my own strength."
Jaime pulled back just far enough to look down at her. "Please don't think that I mind. Oddly enough, it feels rather right when we're in the throes of passion. I can't quite explain it."
Brienne's lips curved in a mischievous smile. "Oh, I'm sure Tyrion could explain it to you. He seems like the sort who would know a thing or two about enjoying pain with his pleasure."
Jaime cleared his throat disapprovingly. "I would really rather not talk about my brother while my cock is still inside you, if you don't mind."
Brienne burst out laughing, and so did Jaime. The tension between them broken, he finally pulled away, sitting on the ground beside her and tucking himself back into his breeches. Brienne dressed quickly, putting herself to rights before turning her attention to Jaime again. She found him struggling to get his breeches laced, and without a second thought, she leaned forward, brushing his hand aside so she could do the work for him.
Jaime fell back on his elbows, watching her intently. "You like doing this, don't you?"
Brienne gazed up at him, though her hands didn't stop moving. "Like what? Making love to my husband in the middle of the forest?"
"Not that. Well, yes, that," he said with a short laugh. "But that's not what I'm talking about. You like helping me dress and undress and do all manner of things because of this." He eased forward, holding up his silver hand for a moment before leaning back on his elbows again.
"I'm always happy to help," Brienne said, turning her gaze back to her work. "But if you think it's because it gives me some sense of power over you, don't. That isn't why I take pleasure in doing it."
"Then why is it?"
Brienne tied a bow on Jaime's laces and sat back so she could look up at him. "I know how frustrated you get because of your hand. And if it weren't for me, you would never have lost it in the first place. I hate seeing you so frustrated, that's all. And so, if there's anything I can do to lessen your frustration, to make things even a little bit easier for you, I will do it. But if you feel that it's emasculating in any way—"
"No," Jaime said, interrupting her before she could even finish the thought. "Not at all."
"Well, then, I suppose there's no reason for me to stop."
"I would rather that you didn't. I kind of like it. I wonder what that says about me," Jaime mused thoughtfully.
"It says that you are a reasonable man who refuses to let foolish pride get the better of him, and as far as I'm concerned, that's commendable."
Brienne reached aside and picked up Jaime's shirt. She tossed it to him and said, "Here. Get dressed. It's getting colder by the minute, and I don't want to see you freeze to death."
"Ah, but how could I freeze to death, my lady, when I have your love to keep me warm?"
The way Jaime was looking at her made Brienne's cheeks flush with heat, and she had to avert her gaze to regain her composure. She searched the ground for his leather tunic. When she finally spotted it, she nodded toward it and said, "You should put that on too. The leather will protect you a great deal more than that linen."
Jaime sighed heavily before sitting upright and pulling on his shirt. Then, he retrieved his tunic and slipped that on as well, though he made no effort to close it. He stared pointedly at Brienne. "Well? Aren't you going to help me with this too?"
Brienne fought back a smile. She moved a little closer, sitting back on her knees so that she was in a more comfortable position. She grabbed the sides of Jaime's tunic and tugged them together, pulling his whole body forward. Once he was in position, she began to tie the laces, her eyes locked with his the entire time.
"I think I could get used to this," Jaime said. "Very used to it. I may have to make you my new squire."
Brienne purposefully pulled the laces tighter, and Jaime winced in mock pain.
"All right, all right," he said, trying to get her to loosen her grip. "Not my squire. My wife. My wife."
"I already am your wife," Brienne replied, finally easing her hold on him.
"Yes, that's true. And I could not have asked for a kinder, sweeter, more loving wife than you, my dear Brienne."
Brienne knew that Jaime was just trying to charm her, and lovesick fool that she was, it was working. As soon as she finished tying up his tunic, she inched forward, her lips a mere hairsbreadth from his. "And I could not have asked for a kinder, sweeter, more loving husband."
"Are you sure? Because there are a great many men in this world, and I doubt you've met them all."
Brienne almost wanted to slap him. Almost. But she didn't. Instead, she closed the space between them and placed a single kiss against his lips. When she broke away, she whispered, "I love you, Jaime Lannister. You, and you alone. There is not another man in this whole world who I could ever love the way that I love you. You are my life, Jaime. You always have been, and you always will be."
Without a word of warning, Jaime snaked his hand up into Brienne's hair and pulled her to him, crushing her mouth with his own, kissing her as if every word she had spoken had pierced his soul. When he finally let her go, Brienne felt dizzy, and she had to cling to him for support.
Jaime slipped his hand to her cheek, holding her tenderly as he stared deeply into her eyes. "I love you, Brienne of Tarth," he said in a husky voice. "More than the sun and the moon. More than my life. More than anything. I never knew what love was until I met you. You are everything to me, Brienne, and I will never leave you again."
Brienne simply didn't have the words to reply. Her heart was so overcome with emotion that all she could do was lean forward and kiss Jaime again. It was a chaste kiss, pure and sweet, and when it ended, she rested her forehead against his, enjoying the feel of his breath fluttering across her lips.
Even though they were in the middle of the forest, even though there was no shelter to protect them, Brienne had never felt safer or more content. Being close to Jaime, being in his arms, made her happier than she had ever been, and she knew she could face whatever the future might hold as long as Jaime was by her side. He was her world now, and she would do everything in her power to make him happy because she loved him more than life.
Brienne and Jaime sat there for the longest time, just holding each other. Eventually, it was Jaime who finally broke the silence. "I think we should get some sleep," he said, leaning forward to kiss Brienne one last time before letting her go.
Together, they curled up in front of the fire, Jaime holding Brienne from behind, his arms wrapped snuggly around her. Brienne stared at the flames until fatigue overtook her. She closed her eyes, happily drifting off to sleep in the warmth and safety of Jaime's arms.