Chapter Forty-Six: The Flowers
"She hates me" Emma murmured under the pillow.
"She just needs time, Emma," Elsa said patting her back.
"More time?" Emma says taking the pillow off her head "It's been over a month already"
"I know"
"And she is going out on dates, Els"
"I know that too,"
"I lost her"
"You fucked up a lot, Emma," Elsa said sympathetically.
"You think I don't know that?" Emma says pushing herself up "What can I do? I love her so much"
"Honestly?" Elsa asked.
"Yes, of course,"
"I think that before you even try and mend anything with Regina you have to work out your issues"
"My issues?" Emma asked.
"I think you should consider therapy, Emma"
"Therapy?" Emma asked "I'm not crazy, Elsa"
"I didn't say you were," Elsa said "And therapy isn't just for crazy people"
"Elsa, I don't need therapy," Emma said "I need to find a way to get Regina back"
"And then what, Emma?"
"What you mean?"
"Suppose Regina forgive you and take you back," Elsa said "How long until you follow into this path again?"
"That's not gonna happen," Emma said seriously.
"You don't know that, Emma," Elsa said.
"Yes, I do," Emma said standing up "I would never do anything to hurt Regina again"
"It's unconscious, Emma," Elsa said "You may not even realize you are doing it again"
"Elsa, what the hell?"
"Regina was your first real relationship after what happened with Lily, right?"
"Yes! But you know that already"
"You transferred all the hurt and pain of that relationship onto Regina and that wasn't fair, Emma"
"You think I don't know that?" Emma said "I know what I've done, Elsa! I'm paying for it, every day of my life"
"You need to let go of the ghost of your past"
"What I need," Emma said "Is to get my life back on track and the only way I can do that is by getting Regina back"
"You won't get her back with empty words, Emma"
"How fucking dare you, Elsa?" Emma said "I love her"
"And you broke her heart," Elsa said "You won't fix this if you don't acknowledge your problems first"
"I'm aware of them," Emma said "And I'll watch myself over the clock if I have to to make sure it will never happen again"
"Don't you think that's going to be exhausting?"
"Not if I get her back,"
Emma walked out of the room and locked herself inside the bathroom. She sat down on top of the toilet trying to control her anger. What the hell was wrong with Elsa? Yes, things out of hand, okay, way out of hand but that was only because Emma was lost in thoughts of the past. But she knew that now, she could see her mistakes clearly and she knew she would never do anything like that again. She was a better person now and she certainly didn't need a shrink mending on her business telling her what to do all the time. Emma stripped and stepped inside the shower. She had things to do, a job, a town to rake care of, and a relationship to fix. She did not have time or the need for therapy. She was fine. She was just fine.
When Emma returned to her bedroom, Elsa wasn't there anymore. Emma let out a sigh of relief and proceeded with her morning routine. She had to be at the station at nine and the whole conversation with Elsa was probably going to make her late. Emma changed and then fixed her hair before applying the makeup onto her face. Her dark eyes were getting harder and harder to hide with just conciliar every day now. It was hard to sleep ever since everything happened. It was hard to sleep without Regina by her side.
Emma walked down the stairs of the loft and found Elsa in the kitchen area. She was pouring a cup of coffee and as much as Emma desperately need the caffeine, she was not up to another conversation with her roommate and her idiotic suggestions. Therapy! Why doesn't she go to therapy? Emma walked past by her straight to the door. She took her jacket from the coat hanger and put it on quickly, she just needed to get to the station and occupied her mind with work.
"Emma?" Elsa said when Emma was opening the door.
"Elsa, I'm going to be late to work"
"I put coffee in a travel mug for you," Elsa said "And I made you a cheese sandwich"
"You didn't have to do that,"
"Well, I knew you were going to ignore me," Elsa said "And it's not like you can stop by at Granny's anymore"
"I can handle myself, Elsa,"
"Just get the damn thing, Emma," Elsa said "We both know how cranky you are when you don't eat the morning"
"I don't get cranky," Emma said defensibly.
"Yes, you do," Elsa laughed "Take it to the station with you. Please?"
Emma walked to the kitchen counter where she saw a brown bag and a silver mug side by side. She smiled timidly at Elsa before taking both items.
"Thanks," Emma said.
"About earlier…"
"Elsa…"
"Don't take it like that, Emma," Elsa said "Just think about it, okay?"
"I don't need a shrink,"
"You need someone to talk to,"
"That's what I have you for,"
"Emma!"
"I'm going to be late for work," Emma said "Thank you for this" Emma said lifting up the items in her hand.
Emma entered her bug and took a sip of the coffee before turning the engine on. One of these days, she knew she would get an ulcer for drinking coffee on an empty stomach but the bitterness of the liquid did wonders to make one alert with just a sip. Emma checked her watch and as it turns out she wasn't that late for work. She had twenty minutes before her shift even starts and she only needed seven to get there.
She was on her way to the station when Elsa's words popped into her mind You won't get her back with empty words, Emma, she said. There was some truth in there. Perhaps it was time for Emma to stop talking. Perhaps, it was about time she starts acting to prove Regina she really had changed. Emma took a detour and drove to Maurice's flower shop. In there, she picked the biggest arrange of red and purple flowers with a golden bow to tie them together. It was absolutely stunning and it simply screamed Regina's name. She paid for the flowers and arranged with Maurice for them to be delivered at the stables that same afternoon. Emma wrote a little note and put it inside among the flowers and smiled. She arrived at the station at exactly nine in the morning feeling happy for the first time since she woke up in the morning.
It was nerve-racking to stare at her phone every five seconds. She was hoping Regina would call her to thank her for the flowers but she didn't. Emma called Maurice at three to ask if the flowers had been delivered. He said he personally delivered the flowers himself. The clock marked four now and there was nothing from Regina. Not a peep. No missed calls. No voicemail. Not even a text. Emma read the file for the God knows what time again but before her eyes finished the same sentence, she looked at her phone again. Nothing! Did Regina, not like the flowers? No, that was impossible! They were stunning, just like her. Maybe Maurice didn't give them to her. Maybe he said she did but in reality, he dropped them in the reception area. Emma reached for her phone again to call the man, she needed to make sure he did deliver the flowers to Regina when a heavy sigh coming from David got her attention.
"Damn it!" David said.
"Hey, you okay?" Emma asked.
"I have to go out to do my rounds," David said.
"Okay. And?"
"And I need to finish this damn report today," David said "If I go out now, I'll have to finish when I get back here which means I won't be able to leave on time"
"Do you have plans or something?"
"Mary Margaret and I are celebrating our wedding anniversary today," David said.
"Oh, wow," Emma said "Congratulations, I guess"
"Thanks," David said "She is going to kill me"
"On your anniversary?"
"Tragic, isn't it?" David laughed as he rose from the chair.
And at that very moment, an idea popped into Emma's mind.
"Hey, why don't I take your rounds?" Emma said.
"What?"
"I'm done with my paperwork," Emma said "I'll make your rounds while you work on your report. This way, you won't have to die on your anniversary"
"Are you serious?" David asked hopefully.
"Yeah, sure," Emma said "It's not a problem at all"
"Thanks, Emma,"
Emma smiled at him and rose from the chair. She picked up her jacket from the back of the chair and put it on before making her way to the garage. Inside the Sheriff's cruiser, Emma could hardly believe her luck. This was the perfect opportunity to stop by at Regina's workplace, she was indeed just doing her rounds around Storybrooke after all and last time she checked, Regina's stable was part of the town. She parked the cruiser in the parking lot and walked all the way down to Regina's office. She waved as she passed by a few familiar faces, but she didn't stop to talk with any of them. She arrived at Regina's office and gently knocked on the door.
"Come on in," Regina's voice said.
Emma pushed the door open, feeling her heart racing inside her chest. She was nervous and suddenly she didn't feel like this was a good idea anymore. She entered the room and saw Regina behind her desk, beside her, Emma saw the trashcan with the flowers she sent earlier inside.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Regina asked.
"You didn't like the flowers?" Emma asked feeling her throat close.
"What do you want, Emma?" Regina asked angrily.
"I just want to talk to you," Emma said.
"About what?"
"About us!"
"There is no 'us' anymore, Emma"
"Regina, please," Emma said "Please just listen to me"
"Fine!" Regina said "Talk"
"Okay, okay," Emma said "You know I didn't attack Ruby, right? I mean, I didn't…I didn't force her to…"
"Yes, I'm aware of that" Regina said.
"Okay, good!" Emma said "good"
"Is that all you have to say?"
"No, I…I'm sorry"
"You already said that too,"
"And I mean it, Regina," Emma said, "I will never forgive myself for everything that I've put you through, I…"
"I don't want you to feel sorry for yourself, Emma," Regina said "I just want to move on with my life"
"This can't be it, Regina" Emma cried.
"This was your choice, Emma," Regina said "Not mine"
"I wasn't in a good place back then"
"And you are now?" Regina said "Stalking me? Sending me flowers? Showing up at my workplace?"
"I'm not stalking you!"
"I saw you when I went out with Mal the other night," Regina said "I saw your car there when we left and saw it again when we came back. Your bug isn't exactly discreet"
"Okay, I did that, but…"
"Did you spy on us in the restaurant too?" Regina asked, "Were you lurking underneath the window…"
"Of course, not," Emma said defensibly.
"You need help, Emma," Regina said "The only thing I'm sorry for is not noticing that sooner"
"There is a reason why I acted the way I did," Emma said "And if you just let me tell you…"
"I don't care anymore, Emma," Regina said "It's too late for that now"
"Then tell me that you don't love me anymore," Emma cried "Just tell me!"
"I can't," Regina said "Not yet"
"You see?" Emma smiled between the tears "There is still a chance…"
"I can't tell you that I don't love you anymore," Regina said "But I can tell you that I don't want you anymore"
"No, Regina. Please, don't say that"
"You are not the Emma I fell in love with," Regina cried.
"I'm sorry" Emma cried "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"
"I want that Emma back," Regina said "Not this, not…not what you became"
"I'm still her, Regina,"
"No, you are not," Regina said "Go away"
"I love you"
"You keep saying that,"
"Because its truth"
"I don't believe you"
"What can I do then?" Emma asked "What can I do to prove to you that I have changed? That I'm still the same Emma you fell in love with?"
"You can live me alone," Regina said.
"Regina…"
"And get help, Emma. You are not well"
Regina walked past Emma and left the office. Emma watched her go, with tears in her eyes, and instantly hated herself for making Regina cry again. This wasn't what she wanted, not at all. Emma cleared the tears with the back of her hands and walked back to the parking lot. Inside, Emma drove o town and finished doing David's rounds, but everything she did was on autopilot. She drove and drove and drove not bothering to pay attention if the town really were safe or not. She arrived at the station and crashed in front of her computer, finishing up the files she had neglected earlier. She did them all until way past her shift end.
She parked the bug in front of a building cream-colored building, debating with herself if she should go in or not. She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel while looking out the dark street. This was harder than she thought it would be. Emma bit her lower lip and shook her head before opening the door. If you are going to do it, better do it like a fucking band-aid and just rip the damn thing off, Emma thought. She walked up the stairs and once again the staring contest between herself and the door began. She almost knocked, three times, but then withdrew her hand before it even touched the wood. She couldn't do this. Emma turned around to live but suddenly the door opened.
"Miss Swan?" Archie said, "What do I owe the pleasure?"
"It's nothing," Emma smiled "I'm just leaving"
"Are you sure?" Archie said "Because I saw you staring at this very door for twenty minutes"
"You saw me?" Emma asked.
"The upper part is glass" Archie smiled while tapping the glass "Why don't you come in for a minute"
"It's really nothing, Archie," Emma said.
"I could use the company," Archie said "My last patient canceled"
"Don't you rather go home?" Emma asked.
"Not today," Archie said "Come on in"
Archie step to the side and Emma walked inside the office. She didn't want to be there, she didn't think she needed to be there. She sat down heavily on the couch and tucked her hands between her legs. She didn't want to be there, but perhaps, she needed to be there.