He didn't have to do this anymore.

He had a way out.

And he didn't know if the way out would be harder or easier to deal with. But there was a way, a way he could just say no and not have to finish this. No deciding who would marry, no eliminating anyone else, no facing the fear that he wouldn't be good enough for any of them.

He could end the Selection.

Nicole and Ethan's conversation with him rang in his ears, feeling half like a fever dream and half like something that hadn't happened yet.

Faced with this prospect, he had retreated to the Observatory, the small-windowed room at the top of the palace that hid him away from everything and everyone for a while. The sun sunk over the coast several miles west. It held history, where Nicole and Ethan had their first date, where he and Lissa had spoken and the air had run out and there was nothing left to say, where he had tried to be good enough for Ophelia.

Wesley felt like he was falling apart.

His stomach churned, a combination of staying up most of the night and waking up too early, endless meetings, replacing meals with coffee, and attempting to go on a run just now. He had ended up puking into the rose bushes and half wished he could do it again. He was drinking ginger ale and chewing nicotine gum and it was just making him feel worse as if the real things would help either.

The Selection seemed like the worst and least of his worries, with everything that had happened. Kissing Vera like he had had only seemed to push them further away from each other, telling Georgia about what had happened had been far too hard, and Fallon's elimination weighed heavy on his mind. That, along with the Berlin's recent actions and the uproar returning to Atlin. They had received confirmation earlier in the afternoon that they had landed, with all accounted for who had been extradited from the monarchy's hold on them, except for General Caine being dead and Cody Trevelyne being presumed dead. The remainder of Fallon's family had escaped, and everything they had done was erased in a few hours. On top of that, the level of unrest in Atlin had only increased, and it felt like the beginning of the war again in some respects and Wesley hated it.

On top of all of it, his meeting with Ethan and Nicole just now had rattled him to the core. And he had no idea what to do about any of it. They had all but cornered him earlier, after one of the meetings, with the classic "can we talk?". He had attempted to process it by going running, but that hadn't ended well either. Despite the disbelief of it all, he remembered the conversation clearly…

"What did you guys want to talk about?" he had said.

"We think this would be easiest coming from us," Nicole said gently. "But it's been discussed, with your mother and Andrew and Christine as well."

"We've both been where you've been, Wes," Ethan added. Wesley didn't miss the way he took his wife's hand and squeezed it. He wondered if he would ever do that with one of his Selected. Nicole and Ethan exchanged a look.

"It's about the Selection," Ethan began. "And you have two options."

He defaulted to Nicole for the next part. "You don't have to go through with it," she said. "If you want to stop it, you can."

He could stop the Selection.

He didn't have anything to say to that.

"There's so much else going on right now," Nicole continued. "And if you want to cancel the rest, if you don't feel like there's someone for you in the mix, we're allowing you to do so."

"I know it's really hard," Ethan said. "I've been in your shoes. For Nicole and me, it worked. It worked for Andrew and Christine too, and for our parents. But maybe it's not working for you."

"Uhh…" Wesley cleared his throat. "Did I do something wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Nicole reassured him.

"When you agreed to this, it was to unite the country around you, to heal the wounds from the war," Ethan said. "And it's been working, except the unintended consequences of having the Selection get political as well. What started as a distraction has blown up into an issue of its own."

"It was about my future too, but go off," Wesley said.

"The consensus of public opinion is that you haven't been taking it seriously," Nicole said. "And if that's true, if you don't want to take it seriously, it would be better to stop now that keep going. You cut to the Elite two months ago and your only eliminations have all happened out of scandal. You've barely been on any dates, and… it looks staged."

"I haven't had much time with the Public Trials and all the Council meetings," Wesley defended himself.

Ethan sighed heavily and Wesley had the feeling he was going to be called out.

"We exempted you from those, yet you insisted on attending," Ethan said. "I know it's hard, I had a Selection too. And for us," he looked at Nicole, "for us, it worked. And I couldn't imagine my life without it."

They smiled at each other, so lovesick and so hopeful. Part of him wanted to be happy for them and he was…but it kind of hurt. It really hurt.

"Nicole put my broken pieces—"

Wesley stood up as fast as he could, almost knocking the chair over. "Look, Ethan, I don't want to hear your stupid broken pieces story again, I know you believe in all that, but I don't, and I don't think it's going to work for me, okay? The Selection is a joke."

He felt terrible as soon as he said it, as soon as he saw the hurt on their faces, but it was too late now. He scrubbed his face across his hand. "I…I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" He didn't have an excuse, so he trailed off. "I'm really glad that you guys have each other, don't get me wrong."

"It's okay," Ethan stood up too and put his hand on Wesley's shoulder. "As I said, it's really hard."

"That's why we're giving you a way out," Nicole said. "If you want to take it."

Wesley wanted a cigarette. Or a drink. Preferably both.

"Um…Is there another option?"

"If you want to continue, you need to start to take this seriously again. With all that's going on, we think it's best if you go ahead and cut to the last five girls. With Fallon's elimination just announced, it's a really good time to send home two of the others. I think you know which girls you could see a future with and which you don't. It's time to make that decision."

"We would like you to be on the final five by the time we travel to Sonage next week."

"We're going to Sonage?"

"We sent you an itinerary email for the month…" Nicole explained, in her way that didn't make him feel bad about never checking his email. "It's the opening day for the horse races in Santa Anita, and it's the first racing season since before the war, and we're all attending. If you decide to end the Selection, we can divert public attention, and if not, it will be good to focus on just five ladies."

"Five, huh?" his mouth felt dry just to say it.

"It's up to you, Wesley," Ethan had said…

Back in the Observatory, Wesley threw down the stack of forms he had, now wrinkled, and looked at endlessly as if that would help anything. He knew the six girls better than just their basic information on a piece of paper. It would be so, so easy to just say this was all over. He probably could even get someone else to tell the girls if he couldn't man up to do it himself. Ethan and Nicole were doing their best, but this decision seemed impossible and more than anything he just wished someone could make it for him.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore all the magazine articles he had read, the polls he had seen on tv, what anyone had ever said to him about the girls. This was something he had to decide on his own.

He heard a quiet knock on the wood-paneled door of the Observatory, and turned toward the sound, wondering who knew he was even hiding up here. The door opened when he forgot to reply, revealing Alyex. Her soft floral print dress fell around her knees, with a light brown leather jacket thrown over her shoulders.

"Hey," she greeted him, her mouth curving into a smile. "Your bodyguard told me you were up here."

Wesley shook his head. "Dammit, Nick," he joked. Of course, Nick always knew where he was. It was his job.

Alyex sat down at one of the empty tables, and Wesley quickly swiped his nicotine gum off the table before she could see it.

"Whatcha doing up here by yourself?" She tucked her hair behind her ears, fixing him with a knowing look.

Wesley shrugged. "Pretending things don't exist, I guess." It was extremely hard to lie to Alyex. He took an enthusiastic gulp of ginger ale.

"I know the feeling," Alyex took a deep breath, hesitating. "So…Atlin is kind of a mess right now, huh."

"Yep," Wesley nodded. "You've been watching the news?"

"We all have…that's actually why I needed to talk to you."

Wesley met her eyes. "What's up?"

"I want to go, to Atlin, I mean," she said all in a rush. "I want to help. There are people out there that need medical care, and I can do that. They need more nurses, I've already spoken to General Entrinken about it."

She sounded so excited, so passionate, and eager to do it. And it made Wesley's heart break a little because he knew what her next words would be.

"I think that means I'm leaving then, and… I may not come back." Her voice trailed off at the end, and Wesley had to look away from the girl who had become one of his closest friends so he wouldn't lose it.

"I am so, so proud of you, Alyex," he managed. "I'm going to miss you so much."

She smiled. "As we discussed, I don't belong here much longer. It's going to get serious from here on out. Only six now."

Wesley almost laughed. "Actually five."

Yeah. This was happening. He wasn't going to end anything. This was a sign.

"I got the ultimatum today…I can either cancel the rest of this or eliminate two of you guys and get on with it."

Alyex did laugh. "Was I going to be one of the five?"

"I want you to be," he said quietly. "With Fallon gone, and now you, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Who is going to help me plan dates and decide what to do with my hair for events?"

"I don't think you need my help anymore. And I need to be out there, doing something again. I've done all I can," she grinned at him. "My work here is done. Final five, huh?"

Wesley grimaced at the thought. "I want to be out doing something again too. Sometimes I swear being home is making me go crazy."

Alyex touched his arm. "You are doing something, even if it doesn't feel like it. This is what you're supposed to be doing. And it may not seem like it right now, but this Selection, it really is going to heal things. Not to say what it's already done."

"Sometimes it feels like I make everything worse," he shook his head.

Alyex's face softened as she looked at him. "You didn't trust me. You think too much, Wesley."

Wesley laughed softly and rubbed his hand over his face. He wasn't quite ready to be done with sad boy hours. "You would think with all the overthinking I do I would come up with the right answer some of the time."

"You just can't see it when it's right in front of you," Alyex told him in her matter-of-fact way. "I mean, look at what you did for Fallon! And Vera, she's changed so much since she's got here. And like it or not, the Selection has changed you too."

"You think so?"

Alex nodded. "When you give a piece of yourself to someone, you learn more about yourself. You change. And it's good."

"I guess I never thought about it that way," Wesley mused. "I have one last thing I need you to help me with…and that's who else I should send home?"

"I think you know," she said. "I can't make that decision for you. It is too late in the game to be keeping anyone for something the two of you don't have. Someone you couldn't picture being your wife. Someone you couldn't picture spending nights in safe rooms because that's just part of being a princess. Someone you couldn't picture being on Christmas cards and riding in armored limousines the rest of your life with. More than just your Selected girlfriend."

Wesley gulped another anxious drink of ginger ale, but his stomach was back to churning. There were only six left, soon to be five, and that woman in that position Alyex spoke about was still just a blur in his head.

"And also, she needs to be here for you too. Someone who supports you unconditionally. All of you, not just the happy goofball you let most of the world sees. The dark parts, the scary parts, the sad parts, all of it. You don't have to know now, of course, but I think you know who isn't."

Wesley opened the notes app on his phone where he had all the girls written down. Vera, Iris, Eleanor, Ophelia, Veyra, and Georgia spun around in his brain.

He wasn't done with Vera. They were in a rough spot, and maybe kissing her had been a mistake, but he wasn't ready to just say goodbye. Ophelia belonged somewhere on a stage, yet she was here- for him, by her own choosing. Georgia scared him and confused him and yet, he had unfinished business with her too. She stood up for her country and held her tarnished hope in the palm of her hand and sometimes he thought he was half in love with her because of it. He hadn't seen much of her lately, but she had promised to try for him, and he couldn't just send her home for that. He wasn't ready to say goodbye to her sass and lightheartedness anyway. Eleanor had her bad moments, but she was here for him like Alyex said. She was vulnerable to him while at the same time being amazing princess material. As he ticked them off in his notes app, he realized only Iris was left.

And it was sad like it had been to send the other girls home. He wasn't good at goodbyes.

"I don't think it's Iris," he said at long last while Alyex waited patiently. "She's an incredible, amazing person and I don't even know how to act around her most of the time. And it's breaking my heart…but she needs to be off doing what she was meant to be doing. It might not be too late for her to back to college this semester. The other night, in the safe rooms, she wasn't used to it, and she was really upset. And you're right. My wife needs to be able to handle that kind of stuff."

"And that's okay," Alyex said gently. "You can't marry them all."

Wesley finally cracked a smile, and Alyex lightly punched him in response.

"But they're right, you know," she added. "If you want to cancel it."

"What?" Wesley looked up at her, surprised.

"They gave you the ultimatum, right? If you want to stop this, you can. I think you're allowed to do that now."

Everything he had stuffed back in his brain flared to life briefly, but it was too late. "I did consider it…but I think I need to do this."

"If you don't see a future with any of these girls, or if there's someone else-"

Wesley cut her off. "I already decided I'm doing this. You coming to tell me you were leaving was kind of like a sign."

She smiled at him. "Good. Funny how things work out like that."

Both of them knew there wasn't anything left to say at that point, and Wesley blinked away the tears threatened at the kindness of the woman who was now leaving. It was on both of their terms, but still. Goodbyes sucked.

"Thanks for letting me stick around for so long after I friend-zoned you. It was amazing." Alyex stood up slowly from the table.

Wesley did too, wishing he didn't have to let her go. "And thanks for sticking around. I… needed a friend so bad. Even if I did puke into your hat."

They laughed and then Alyex held out her arms.

"Come here," she said. Wesley threw his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder.

"It's your life, Wesley," she said into his hair. "Not anyone else's. It's not too late to change your mind."

"Thanks, Alyex," Wesley said, pulling away. "I'm going to be texting you nonstop for help still, you know that right?"

She laughed. "Of course. Call me if you need me."

…

Telling Iris he had eliminated her was one of the hardest things he had done, but he suspected it was only going to get harder from here on out. She took it well, admitting that her crush on him from the media and her crush on him in person were two quite different things, and Wesley told her he was perfectly fine if she kept crushing on him, and gave her a hug. And it was surprisingly okay. Maybe the New Year's resolutions were working after all.

With all that out of the way, he made a few plans for later this evening and finally felt not anxious enough to eat real food and have the best nap of his life.

Fallon, Alyex, and Iris joined the final five girls and just him for one more dinner out in the gardens that night, and it was fun not having to eat with his family. The girls were taking millions of pictures and hugging each other, and Wesley almost felt left out as he watched them.

He realized he was lucky. Lucky to have all this, to have all of them, to have met them and had this experience. It seemed absolutely impossible sometimes, but it was moments like this, when the warm feeling was back, that made it worth it. Last night, nothing felt like it could be okay ever again, but here he was.

They told stories about the early Selected days, that now seemed so long ago. Neither Fallon, Alyex, or Iris seemed sad to be leaving, for which he was relieved. It was accepted among all of them that there was now a firm difference between the girls that were staying and the girls that were leaving. And as scared as he had been earlier over the possibility of reaching the final five, he had hope everything was going to be okay. Somehow. Things had a funny way of working out.

Saying the actual goodbyes in the morning was a bit harder for Alyex and Iris. Fallon wasn't leaving Angeles, just moving into a different area of the palace that included her own office. While he would definitely see less of her, she was still around in some capacity which was comforting. Iris didn't have far to go either, and she seemed so excited to be going back to college. Alyex was the hardest, the girl who had become one of his best friends who he now had to let go and set her free. She had believed in him, and for that, he would always be grateful.

The news broke shortly after their departure. Wesley headed to the Great Room for a press conference where Illea was introduced to the five remaining ladies of the Selected. Wesley was nervous about answering the questions from the press, most of which had been pre-approved since the whole thing was live. The cameras popped and flashed on them, with the girls sitting two and three on either side.

"It's been a long time coming," he began. "And kind of like announcing the Elite all over again, except the stakes are higher this time. Since then, I've said goodbye to five amazing, wonderful women, Lady Dresden, Lady Lillian, Lady Fallon, and last night, to Lady Alyex and Lady Iris," He paused for a moment to look up from his notecards, focusing only on the cameras. This part was hard to say.

"Out of these five ladies, one of them will be my wife. And that prospect is thrilling, and only a little terrifying," he added the last bit and got some laughter from the press from it. "It's an unusual situation, meeting your wife in front of an entire country, especially since my brothers set quite a precedent," he quickly searched the crowd for Ethan and Nicole, sending them some finger guns half-hidden behind the podium. He hadn't responded well to their talk when they were only trying to help him. But whatever beautiful fragile love they had…he wanted that too. He also definitely needed to bake them a cake or something to apologize.

"But I think I'm getting the hang of this," he continued. "So I present to you, my final five Selected: Lady Vera, Lady Georgia, Lady Eleanor, Lady Veyra, and Lady Ophelia."

…