—Harry POV—
"The letter you got yesterday was from your Muggle relatives?" I tensed, before nodding in agreement.
"What did it say?" I noticed his tone was becoming more stern and protective.
"It... it's nothing really-"
"Well, 'nothing' seems to be affecting you. Where is it. I want to read your owl."
"It's not an owl-"
"Whatever. Your Muggle mail. Show it to me." He said.
I turned over and opened the drawer to retrieve the opened letter from Dudley. I felt the bed shift as Draco moved to sit up. I handed him the letter, and he began reading silently.
"There's nothing bad about this... he just wants you to come over on Christmas Day." he said, looking up from the letter with a soft confusion on his face.
"I know. I told you it's nothing." I replied.
"Then why did you react the way you did?" He asked.
"It's the thought of going back there. He mentioned in the letter that he lives in the same place he used to, except now with his fiancée. I don't know if I can handle going back there." I explained.
"Then tell him that... wait, what was so horrible about-"
"I already told him I'd visit... I don't want to talk about my time there."
"I think you need to." He stated matter-of-factly.
Just as I was thinking of a way to not go into detail, there was a knock at the door, followed by it being opened.
"Dada! I finished the worksheet can I watch a movie?" Pleaded Scorpius. Saved by the bell. Draco sighed, glancing at me.
"Yes. I'll help you choose a movie and set it up." He said, getting up from the bed and leaving. I took a breath of relief. I don't want to go into detail. I don't want to break down again, I don't want the nightmares and anxiety to get worse.
Anything can Happen on Christmas. What if I don't even show up? Would they hunt me down for that? Hurt me? What if nothing happens and I'm just over-working myself? What if all hell breaks loose? What if I get there and then I get trapped, and then I can never leave, and I go back to the way things were every summer of my childhood? What if Dudley is good now? What if his parents come over as well? What would Uncle Vernon think? Will I have to hex them and escape to safety? What if Dudley's fiancée is just as vile as I remember Dudley was? All of these thoughts kept going past me, but not more than one specific question: Why did I ever agree to join him for Christmas?
"I'm back." Said Draco as he re-entered the room.
"Do I really need to talk about it?" I asked. Draco sighed.
"Look, I'm not going to force you to tell me about it." He sat down. "But if it's bothering you to the point where you take this extreme action, deliberately harming yourself..." he paused. "I think it would help to talk about it."
"I know." I said, absentmindedly scratching my arms.
"Stop that." He said, swatting at my hand. I stopped immediately.
"Sorry. I didn't realize-"
"I know." He said softly, his gaze down. Then, without another word, he got up, and moved towards the door.
"Where are you going?" I said, getting up after him.
"The bathroom."
"What? Why?" I asked, following him in. He opened the vanity first, looked in it, closed it, then opened the cabinet under the sink.
"What are you doing?" I asked again.
"Looking for it. Where are you hiding the blade?"
"W-what?! N-no it's-"
He abruptly stood and turned to me "Where is it?" I swallowed nervously.
"I-In the drawer with your hair brush... under the old bottle of hair gel." I said, looking down in defeat.
I saw him open the drawer and pick up the old, unused container, where, taped under it, was my blade. He took it. I sucked in a breath.
"Wh-" I tried asking.
"I'm getting rid of it, no questions." He interrupted, going past me. I followed him again.
"No. Stay here. I'm not letting you find out where it is."
I sat down against the wall with my knees up, and after a minute or so, he came back to where I stayed. I went back to the bedroom, and I could hear his footsteps behind me.
When I entered the room, Draco closed the door behind us. I laid down in the bed, trying to get the uncomfortable feeling I had to leave me. He sat down next to where I lay. but I didn't say anything for a while though, and neither did he.
"The Dursley's where quite cruel... I've been hurt by them... hit, strangled, dragged... they always made sure to either completely ignore my existence, or make sure that I heard every bad thing they said about me... they lied about my parents... they said they went drunk driving in a deliberate attempt to kill us three. They never even told me when." I paused, taking a breath.
"I'd asked Aunt Petunia once... I got sent to my cupboard for that. Locked in. That seemed to be their favorite way to punish me. Time was always a torturous blur in there.
Whenever I wasn't in the cupboard, I was doing work. Mending the garden, cooking, cleaning... it wasn't until my Hogwarts letter arrived, addressed to 'the cupboard under the stairs', that they moved me to the smallest bedroom. Dudley's second bedroom full of broken toys. They put at least five locks on the outside of the door when they put me there."
"Harry?" I heard him whisper, while placing a hand on my shoulder. I ignored it.
"I was starved... I didn't know a properly full stomach until I went to Hogwarts. And they did everything they could to keep me from it. We'd traveled across town to a hut on an island... they even put bars on my bedroom window.
One time, Dudley and I got attacked by a Dementor and I saved him. They sent Aunt Petunia a Howler for that saying I can't do magic outside of school. Uncle Vernon was terribly glad to hear that. I'll never forget his smile, it made me feel sick... He told me he would lock me up, and that if I tried to escape with magic it'd be no use because I'd get expelled." I shuddered as all of the memories came back to me.
I found that if I just don't eat what they give me, I won't feel as hungry. But I couldn't help but eat when they did feed me, it always left me feeling worse than before.
I always made sure to keep away from Dudley and his gang. Their favorite game was called 'Harry Hunting'... I also always made sure to stay out of arm's reach of Uncle Vernon whenever possible." I sucked in a sharp breath, struggling to keep myself composed.
"You don't need to continue..." Draco commented warily.
"I had to endure them every Summer. Hogwarts was my only escape... that summer when they barred me in, Ron, Fred, and George came to save me... Uncle Vernon almost caught me though, he tried to drag me back in by the foot while they tried getting me into the flying car... another time that he'd locked me in, Tonks, Moody, Kingsley, and professor Lupin had saved me... I was lucky to have them. I don't know why they ever thought to go out of their ways to do that."
"Harry those Muggles are vile creatures. Nobody deserves that."
"I'm sure when we were younger you would have laughed at my suffering."
"No. I wouldn't have... if anything, it would have changed how I saw you. I had always been jealous of what I thought was your perfect life... I was horrible to you back then, and I was only adding to what you already had to endure at home-"
"That place isn't my home. It never was... It was a prison. It was my own personal Hell."
"That doesn't justify that I was insufferable to you... I know I've apologized so many times before but, I just... every day I regret my past more and more. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You didn't know. Nobody really knew the extent of it. I'll never forget how scared I was arriving at the burrow before second year. The year Ron, Fred, and George had saved me. Ron was explaining to his mum why they'd taken the flying car to the Muggle World. She was furious. Saying she ought to put bars on his window, the way he found me. I felt kind of helpless, like I shouldn't have been able to escape. I felt like Ron should have never tried to help me. I felt guilty for being grateful." I wiped my watered eyes.
"I feel like telling you all of this was a bad idea. I'm scared to look at you... you're probably upset... but mostly, I'm just hoping that all of this doesn't haunt my dreams like it used to.
I never told anyone this, but... the memory I use to cast a Patronus Charm is the memory of my 11th birthday, when Hagrid told me about being a wizard and going to a far off school. I was happy because of the sheer idea of getting a chance to leave the Dursleys."
"I'm not mad... at you..." I heard him say. I took a deep breath. I can't believe I just told him things that nobody else knows about me.
He spoke again.
"I wish you had better relatives, and that you never had to understand and experience what you did with them. I wish I could go and shoot hexes and jinxes until they're sore. They ought to be locked up for what they did... it's illegal... not to mention it's wrong, and it's affected every aspect of your life well into adulthood."
"Can you just shut up and hug me?" I asked in a cracked whisper, finally turning to face him, revealing myself fully.
He laid where he had sat, and took me into his arms. I did the same, squeezing hard, wishing our hug could remove all of the world's problems.
"I'm sorry about what I did... and for hiding from you..." I said between gasps and cries.
"It's ok. You don't need to apologize at all. I'm here for you, always."