The moment Director Kagami hands over Parad's game console to him with grim and apologetic eyes, that had been the last straw.

"Parad-kun wanted you to have this." Looking like he's barely keeping his tears at bay, Director Kagami bows his head as the deafening silence within CR threatens to engulf them all. "I'm s-so sorry, Houjou-kun."

Emu stares down at the console, numb.

It may have been a short time, but playing games with you...it was the best fun I've ever had, Emu...

Mind blanking, his breathing comes in short, stuttering bursts. Hands shaking and eyes burning, Emu falls to his knees and clutches the console to his chest as his lungs constrict. His vision swims with tears as a wail is ripped right out of his throat.

His Other. His Heart.

Gone.

Dead.

"Houjou-kun!"

"Ex-Aid!"

"Emu!"

He blacks out.

Emu doesn't remember much after that but according to what the others told him when he wakes up two days later strapped securely to his hospital bed, the stress and the all encompassing grief from losing Parad (his Heart; gone and leaving him inexplicably hollow) had triggered a panic attack that soon spiraled into a complete mental breakdown.

It'd been so bad that the psychological trauma caused a cardiac arrest.

If it weren't for the quick actions of his friends (although they might still need some work, he can safely say that those in CR are his friends now) it's not farfetched to say that Emu would've ended up following Parad in death. And to be honest, if it weren't for Emu's own refusal to take life for granted and fear of losing the chance for him and Parad to reunite somehow, Emu admits that he'd accept it as his time to go and would've gone in peace.

He and Parad had been separated for so long- he doesn't want a life where Parad isn't in it with him.

I'm so tired. Please...I don't want to be without Parad anymore.

But he holds on.

Despite...or because of everything that's happened, he holds on.

It hasn't been easy- the restraints Emu woke up to is proof of that.

Although he still doesn't remember much, Emu at least recalls the screaming and the wailing. There'd been tears, he thinks. Sobbing and heaving his lungs out until his throat turned raw and hoarse- almost choking on his own tears and blood.

Emu knows that he terrified his friends and the man that's more of a father to him than his own biological one. But he can't help it. How do you explain that you're alive without your Heart? How can he ever articulate the hollow cavity in his chest and that for every breath he takes, it doesn't feel right at all? How do you explain the empty space that used to be where your Heart is? The precious Heart that you only just started to remember how to hold dear; the cherished existence that he cruelly forgotten and has now lost.

How is he supposed to breathe without his Heart alongside his own?

In the end, like an ironic sort of paradox, it's Parad's game console that manages to calm him down- or more precisely, the letter his late bugster left behind for him.

Once the hospital staffs were sure that he's stable and that he won't be a danger to himself, Emu lies on the bed and reads through the letter with shaking hands and tears in his eyes.

Dearest Emu,

(wow, I actually get to write that! Sweet~!)

Ahem.

By the time you get this, I'll be dead. It's not something I thought I'd find myself writing either, I know.

...Damn.

You told me to cherish my life as much as I do yours, and I've done my best to make sure of that. Unfortunately, it looks like I won't be able to do that anymore...not after I found out about what Cronus had done. But before I explain, I just want to say this with utmost seriousness...

Cronus. Is. A. Megalomanic. Asshole.

...somehow, I feel better expressing that. Anyway, Kagami-inchou and Tsukuru might've explained to you by now but, just in case if they haven't, I'll summarise it for ya:

When Cronus merged with Gamedeus, he anchored the thing to my negative strand that he's been using for the past 16-17 years to strengthen his antibody. Long story short? As long as I'm alive, so will Gamedeus. Cronus pretty much set up an insurance so that he'd get his way basically. If I live, he gets to keep Gamedeus alive no matter how many times we kill it. But if I die, then he'll get what he wants and that's the loss of your powers- Muteki, especially.

And well, since you got this letter, I guess you know what I chose to do with the limited time and option we have.

I'm sorry, Emu. I wish there'd been another way.

I don't wanna die. I wanna live together with you.

I want to prove it to you that you won't regret giving me a chance. I wanna make up for all of the pain and hurt I caused. I do.

I don't wanna die.

I don't know how me dying will effect you outside of your loss of powers since we're a unique case but, I don't think you have to worry too much. At the very least, you'll finally be cured of your game disease.

In other words, you'll finally be free of me. Heh, one hell of a win for you, I'd think.

Yay~!

...Sorry it took so long.

I know that you feel responsible for me and I'm sorry for that but, you don't have to worry about that anymore. I won't drag you down with me anymore, Emu. Promise.

Considering circumstances, I know that you didn't have much a choice with having me as an ally but I want you to know that our truce means a lot to me. That you mean a lot to me. It might not seem like something you'd want to be happy about but, you'll always be my favourite person in this short life I've had. You are my Heart and I will always be grateful that you were in my life- that you are and always will be the best part in my life. I can't thank you enough for that.

Now...me dying might be something you'd blame yourself. Don't. I chose this in the end. I hate the choice of course but, it's still mine.

I know you'll prolly forget me again soon but, I hope I managed to at least make a bit of a good difference in your life. Even if only just a little.

I wish I could do right by you, Emu. But I'm afraid this is all I'm capable of. I've got so much to apologise for to you and I don't have enough time to do that. Which sucks. I know I've apologised plenty for hurting you but more than that, I'm sorry that I infected you. I'm sorry you got stuck with me for so long, and I'm sorry that out of all the Bugsters you could've been saddled with, I'm sorry that it had to be with me.

More than anything, I'm sorry that I was the burden you never wanted.

Live long and happy, Emu. Be the best paediatrican the world has ever seen. I know you can do it, I have faith in you.

I hope you'll always have people and things that'll make your heart dance. Live life with no regrets and no continues, okay?

Before I go, know that you are loved and cherished, and that you deserve all the good the universe has to offer.

Forever and always yours,
Parad.

For the longest time, Emu stares at the console; feeling cold and horrified. There's a war of emotions raging inside of him.

Grief. Affection. Shame. Guilt. Regret.

Between one breath to the next, Emu feels himself breaking down; sobbing as he lies on his side and curls around the console.

For almost a week, Emu thinks he worries the staff again since he barely responds or moves unless when it's absolutely necessary. Despite that, Emu's thankful that people tend to give him the space he needs. If he's forced to live without Parad anymore then, he needs to at least learn how to breathe without his Heart.

Can I keep up with the speed of the world without you, Parad?

Emu isn't sure how or why but thankfully, the universe finally decides to give him a break by giving Parad back to him a day after the press conference.

After they cured the game disease patient together, they forgo on teleporting back to CR and instead takes the more scenic route back. They walk in tandem, knuckles brushing and helplessly at a lost for words- which is ironic since there's so many things he wants to say to Parad but he's tongue tied. Emu feels like he always managed to say and do the wrong thing with Parad so, he really doesn't want to mess things up.

When he feels like the silence is too heavy, Parad breaks it with a rueful chuckle.

"Looks like you're stuck with me again." Parad gives him a half-smile, full of apology and self-depreciation. "Sorry."

And just like that, he's back at that time when he held Parad's letter that has haunted and gutted him for weeks.

"Parad-" he wants to reach out; hold Parad in his arms and never let go. But he's frozen; guilt and grief and self-loathing warring inside of him.

Parad gives him a tight-lipped smile but, before he can look away, Emu jolts and takes out the console he's been carrying with him to shove it into Parad's hands.

"I...think you should have this back." Emu swallows, gesturing shakily to the device. "Since it's yours."

Startled, his bugster stares at the console before his smile turns a bit more real as he presses the start button.

"Thanks...huh?" Brows furrow as Parad continues to press the buttons. "It's gone."

"...gone?"

"Yeah." Parad raises his head and tilts it as he looks at him. "Did you get my letter?"

Freezing, he grits his teeth and gives a tight nod. "...I got it."

Noticing his turmoil, Parad hesitantly reaches out to tug at his coat sleeve. "You alright? You seem...upset?"

"I am." Pursing his lips, Emu blinks back his tears and closes the distance between them. "At myself."

Before the bugster can react, Emu throws his arms around Parad's torso into a hug and holds on tight.

Parad goes still in his arms, like he isn't used to contact that has nothing to do with pain or fighting, and is seconds away from flinching away. It makes Emu want to hold on tighter but he forces himself to let go and step back. He sees Parad trying to hide his relief and Emu does his best to ignore the pang in his heart at that.

Emu wonders how much he doesn't know about Parad and the six years he's missed.

"I'm furious at myself," he hisses out, all of his anger, sadness, grief and encompassing guilt clawing at his insides.

Parad gives him a blank stare, confused. "...Why?"

"Because not only you died- you died thinking that you were nothing more than a burden to me." Squaring his shoulders, Emu gives Parad a firm look. "You are not a burden, Parad."

His bugster shakes his head, confusion mounting. "But-"

"No. You've said your piece in the letter." Emu takes his bugster's hand and thread their fingers together, eyes imploring. "Now it's my turn."

Parad clicks his mouth shut, eyes attentive and nervous.

"You are not a burden, Parad. Never to me," Emu states firmly, voice breaking no argument whatsoever as he tentatively reaches up to cup the back of Parad's neck. When the bugster flinches at his touch but doesn't pull away, Emu clumsily pours everything he feels in the resurrected bond they share. "I wished for you. Eight year old me could've ask for anything or anyone and I wished for you, and that hasn't change."

Emu swallows, recalling the days when he didn't even want to get out of bed or open his eyes; burdened with the knowledge that Parad was dead. "There hasn't been a day that I haven't wished, haven't begged, haven't pleaded- haven't prayed for you to come back home to me."

Even as his voice cracks and tears spill from his eyes, Parad stays silent; giving him time to speak. Emu feels relieved though when he sees Parad slowly relaxing at his touch and close proximity.

"Not because I wanted Muteki back or to continue being Ex-Aid." Raising his head, Emu sniffs and doesn't bother wiping his tears away; letting Parad feel and see the grief that followed Emu every step since he lost Parad. "But because I wanted you back."

Emu doesn't understand himself to be honest. The grief he felt losing Parad is unlike anything he's ever felt- not even with Poppy and Kiriya. The grief he felt losing his two friends had been staggering. But losing Parad...

How can I possibly articulate the pain and agony of losing you, Parad? How can I even begin to describe that I couldn't even breathe right anymore without you?

It felt like he wasn't even alive anymore; feeling too much like the walking dead with some days not even knowing if he's even breathing- moments where Emu wondered if he could even be considered sane anymore.

Emu thinks that somehow his thoughts and emotions are picked up by Parad because the bugster looks overwhelmed as he squeezes Emu's hand. "But why...? I'm just the virus that you feel responsible for."

"No, you're never just anything to me," Emu firmly refutes with a shake of his head. "What we are...it's more than just virus and host." Bringing up their joint hands, Emu rests them against his chest; directly above his heart. "What we have is something unique and beyond definition. And if I hadn't been so narrow sighted, I would've known that- would've remembered that you're the person I've waited my whole life for."

Parad steps closer until their joint hands are pressed against both of their hearts. "Emu..."

"You are not a tool or a weapon or heaven forbid, a burden." Emu bites his lip and tries to reign in his relief at the fact that Parad is still willing to be near him. "You are precious to me. You're someone I treasure very much and I don't care we were only allies for a month- that doesn't change the fact that you're important to me, okay?" Sniffling, he blinks away his tears and looks up at Parad, their gazes locked as Emu tries to pour everything of himself into the bond. "This is me telling you explicitly that I want you in my life right here with me."

There're tears swimming in Parad's eyes, spilling down his face in steady streams as understanding and bright, fragile hope shine in those dark eyes.

"So don't you dare leave me, Parad." Guiding the bugster's head down until their foreheads touch, Emu pleads and hopes. "Please."

Parad nods jerkily with a shuddering sob. "I won't- for as long as you want me, I'll stay."

"Forever," he says immediately and without any hesitation. "I want you forever, Parad."

"Forever," Parad promises, eyes soft and glittering with happy tears. "I want you forever too, Emu."

His lips quirk up into a tremulous smile. "Then forever is what we'll have."

Parad laughs, shy and hopeful, smiling far more freely than he's ever seen.

They still have a long to go to heal all the hurts they've inflicted on one another but Emu knows now that there's hope for them and that they'll be okay eventually.

It's a painful revelation but Emu knows it'll take time and care for Parad to come into terms that Emu cares about him as a person; that Emu treasures him beyond anything and everything in his life. But...that's okay. Even if it'll take him for the rest of his lifetime to help Parad understand that, Emu doesn't mind.

Because as far as Emu is concern, he believes that it's one of the best ways for him to spend his life for.