Chapter 44

I wouldn't say I enjoyed my cruelty, but I didn't not enjoy it.

I wish I could remember how it felt, because I remember feeling so...free.

I imagine it felt like air was flowing through every part of me. Like I was a little cell. A tiny, violent microorganism, lacking any thought or sentience, with only chemical reactions to fuel my actions.

My reactions told me one thing; to hurt. To destroy the man in front of me. To rip him apart piece by piece. To ruin him.

His other hand went first, the fleeting intelligence inside of me told me to ensure he couldn't retaliate.

I can still hear his screams now. They sit, festering, inside my mind.

He didn't ask me to stop, and that was why I continued so quickly. So violently.

Because he didn't ask me to stop.

He wasn't begging. He hadn't frozen up.

He hadn't accepted it.

He hadn't been like me.

And I wouldn't stop until I saw that. Until I recognised how he felt. Until I understood how it felt to be at this advantage, to have this power.

So, the next part I butchered was...

Huh.

I can't quite remember.

How funny.

Maybe it was his shoulder.

No.

That was afterwards, wasn't it?

What did I do next?

I think I—No. I can't remember.

...

...

...

...

Anyway...

I just...

I started smashing some part of him. It doesn't matter what part.

I don't think it was his head, because I remember his screams.

No, not screams. He didn't scream.

He laughed. He moaned.

He just...

He didn't scream.

He didn't beg.

Was it even hurting him?

Why wasn't I hurting him? Why wasn't I phasing him? Why wasn't he crying? Why wasn't he begging?

Why? Why?

I let out a huge scream.

A scream so loud my throat felt as though it had been torn.

My scream seemed to do nothing, just like my attacks, which became more and more relentlessly violent, with my increasing frustration.

I don't know what emotion. I don't even know if it was emotion. At that point, it was just colours, just something I had to feed.

All I could focus on were the sounds he was making.

And soon, it wasn't just him I could hear.

His voice twisted and curled, mutated and morphed, until it was not one singular voice.

It was the voice of my teacher, my ex-partners, everyone who'd felt entitled to my body.

They were laughing.

They were laughing at me.

As always, my actions were amusing to them. My protests were amusing.

I stopped, their laughter bouncing around in my empty head.

I screamed again. And again. And again.

I screamed until all I could do was cry, and then all I could do was choke.

I lay on the floor, choking and gasping. It was like I'd never had air before.

As I lay there, I suddenly felt a great pressure on my chest, hot breath on my face, and something tickly grazing my vagina.

I looked up through tears, seeing this...thing.

This ugly, horrible, thing.

It was on top of me, and I knew what it was doing, it was all I knew. All I'd ever knew.

I choked, screaming out whatever noise I had left. I jerked, still screaming.

The thing moved as though it was air, so I was able to attack it with the cleaver easily.

And so began the cycle again.

Me screaming, the voices laughing, me butchering, the squishing of flesh, some kind of slushy noise.

I don't know how long I would've gone on.

Until I died, I guess.

I know what made me stop. How could I ever forget?

A sweet voice calling out to me from the woods. It rose above the voices of those horrible people, silencing them.

I could barely see anything other than blocks of colour, but I recognised the blur of purple and bright turquoise, leant against a tree.

"Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte," He said.

I stared at his colours, as they drew closer.

"What have you gone and done?" He asked, his voice was so soft and gentle, I felt like I was sleeping in it.

He was in front of me now, and I though I couldn't understand the details of his face, I understood how he looked at me. He looked at me with such warmth, such adoration, such love.

I wanted to speak to him, to thank him for looking at me with such adoration, but I couldn't.

I couldn't speak, I physically couldn't.

All I could do was wail and drool, and gasp frantically in reply to whatever he said.

"Oh, dear," He said, tutting. He touched me.

I gasped.

It was so warm and happy. It felt as though decades had passed since I'd last been touched lovingly.

"Look at what you've done, Charlotte, look at it!"

I did, because I wanted him to keep touching me in that loving way, and I knew he'd stop if I didn't obey.

When I looked at what I'd done, and I saw it clearly, not as childish blocks of colour.

I saw every slash, mark, tear, every drop of blood.

Everything.

Chief Besho was mush, and was now festering in a gore cocktail with Lyra.

I stared, drool dripping down my chin.

I had done that.

I had caused that.

I had destroyed that life. Me.

I choked, before screaming again. I screamed with a volume that should've been impossible, and almost certainly damaged my vocal chords.

I screamed and screamed, and screamed until I threw up. All this, whilst Shuu watched and waited for me to stop, so he could swoop in and say whatever he wanted.

I wasn't one to reject it. He was holding me.

It was warm. It was loving.

I fully accepted his embrace and anything he said with it. I'd do anything at that moment, just to feel the comfort of his touch.

"Didn't I tell you?" He's whispered, only now pulling me away from my slaughter to hold me, "I told you not to do this, didn't I?"

I wailed in response.

"Yes, I did. Oh, you naive little thing. You silly little thing. See? Do you understand now?"

He'd placed his lips to my forehead, "This is why you need me. Not a hospital, me. Isn't that right?"

I wailed, nodding shakily.

"Clever girl. Good girl. Sweet little thing," He stroked my hair, "Oh! You've even gone and ruined your little swimming outfit. Charlotte! How could you?"

"Ah-Uh-Ahhh—"

"Shhhh. We'll get you another one, I suppose. Oh, good God, you are covered in it—Eech. I'd rather I wasn't covered in pig blood, Charlotte, you know."

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh—"

"Didn't I tell you to shush? Now, come on, sweetheart," He held me to my feet, my legs trembling too much to walk, "Why don't we clean you up, hm? Then you can go and sleep, for as long as you want."

I drooled and leaned into him.

I looked away from my atrocity, focusing only on Shuu.

I had a new objective now; get him to keep touching me.

I didn't want him to stop.

I didn't want him to stop looking at me in that proud, loving way.

I didn't want him to leave me. I don't want him to leave me.

My only priorities at that moment, were not to think about the atrocity I'd done, but to ensure he kept on looking at me. Protecting me. Loving me.

I didn't know what I'd do if he stopped.

Hurt myself, probably.

Maybe worse.

Who knows?

It hasn't happened yet.

It won't happen.

I'm sure of it.

The Epilogue will be out as soon as possible.

It will contain content that may be triggering for some readers. I will make sure I put specific warnings at the beginning of the chapter.

Thank you for your patience, please understand that I am finishing this and preparing the new story.

Thank you for reading.