On Begged and Borrowed Time Chapter 42, a twilight fanfic

Hello, friends! Sorry for the unexpected break, I just needed to figure out some future plot logistics, *anticipation grows*, anyway enjoy!

BPOV

And then we were on our way to Canada.

We didn't talk much on the way there, we just held on to each other tightly. It was like Edward was afraid to let me go.

It wasn't the same way Edward had held my hand before, this was out of need rather than want. He clung to me, but he didn't use his thumb to rub circles on the back of my hand, he didn't kiss the back of my hand every once in a while, he didn't use it to be close to me, he was using it to tether himself to me, and I couldn't decide if that was better or worse.

While I believed that this was some sort of miracle for us, I felt incredibly guilty at causing Edward's many worries.

I could help but notice that every time, we had finally found peace, something happened.

When Edward and I were first dating, our happiness was marred by the countdown I had on my life. After we married, the second hospital stay brought those fears to the forefront of our newlywed bliss. And now, just when we thought we were out of the woods, this happened. And while I was already in love with the little nudger, I couldn't help but wonder if my initial assessment was right, I could never give Edward peace. I kept pondering this until we pulled up to a beautiful stone house.

The house was much larger than our two previous homes. It was baffling that in our short time we had already moved so many times. The house wasn't as big as the Cullen's house in Forks, but it was definitely big enough for a family. I purposely didn't linger on that thought for too long,

Edward instinctively reached for my hand and we walked in together. The house was already fully furnished which I suspected was Alice's doing. There was a bookshelf that lined the north wall, a piano in the front of the house, and a stone fireplace that matched the houses exterior. The hardwood floors were dark, and in perfect contrast to the light walls and open concept. This house matched the Cullen's house in aesthetic, it somehow managed to feel modern and cozy all at the same time. I couldn't decide if I liked the openness and Cullen-esque motif of this house or if I preferred the warmth and closeness that our cottage had provided.

Edward and I still hadn't exchanged many words, but he still clung to me. This was my only comfort through the tension that was weighing on us. The only thing that kept it from being true silence was the fluttering heartbeat that was still getting stronger and louder each day.

I decided to write, it was usually one of the only things that helped me work through my problems. Edward had wordlessly walked off after we arrived so I needed the distraction right now. It ached not knowing where I stood with him right now, and as much as I wanted to run to him, I wanted to give him some space to work through his own emotions.

I felt the nudge again. This time I took comfort in the fact that I wasn't really alone.

We spent days wordlessly, it was such a dramatic pivot from a week ago. Even when we went hunting, we didn't say anything except short questions and one word responses. My stomach slightly more round now.

Edward and Carlisle constantly talked about whatever research they had found. It turned out that there was an obscure breed of half-vampires, but there was no way of knowing if our baby would be like that. I heard Carlisle explain that the half-vampire usually clawed or used their teeth as way out of the human mother.

The mothers didn't survive the child's traumatic entrance into the world.

That information just made everything more tense.

He and Carlisle were now trying to find out how I could safely deliver. Of course, I couldn't die, but Edward was still concerned about the amount of pain I was going to put myself through. I didn't want to remind him that it took quite a bit now to make me feel pain. Even the huge nudges I was getting from the baby didn't really hurt, they were just very noticeable. They found out some information about these half-vampire children in their research. They found that they were quite like vampires, but had a beating heart, and blood flowing through their veins, they also found that once the child was fully matured, they were immortal.

Despite me finding this information soothing, it was unsettling to be at odds with Edward. We weren't overtly fighting, but it felt like we were back to walking a very fine line again, one wrong move and we'd both fall.

The only way to distract myself was writing, so I did a lot of it. I started falling into a bit of routine. I started by writing, once I was done, I picked up the guitar or sat at the piano and started playing with different sounds until I found something that I liked.

It had been days of silence between Edward and I. I couldn't help but feel a little helpless. I picked up my journal and wrote, and then I picked up the guitar.

False God

We were crazy to think
Crazy to think that this could work
Remember how I said I'd die for you?

We were stupid to jump
In the ocean separating us
Remember how I'd run to you?

And I can't talk to you when you're like this
Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town
I'm New York City
I still do it for you, babe
They all warned us about times like this
They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith
Blind faith

But we might just get away with it
Religion's in your lips
Even if it's a false god
We'd still worship
We might just get away with it
The altar is my hips
Even if it's a false god
We'd still worship this love
We'd still worship this love
We'd still worship this love

I know heaven's a thing
I go there when you touch me
Honey hell is when I fight with you

But we can patch it up good
Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness
Got the wine for you

And you can't talk to me when I'm like this
Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you
You're the West Village
You still do it for me, babe
They all warned us about times like this
They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith
Blind faith

Still worship this love
Even if it's a false god
Even if it's a false god
Still worship this love

Edward walked in as soon as I finished playing. If he was still in the house, he had probably heard the whole thing.

I tensed, waiting for the fury - both his and mine - but it was only quiet and calm in the darkness of our room. I could almost taste the sweetness of reunion in the air, a separate fragrance from the perfume of his breath; the emptiness when we were apart left its own bitter aftertaste, something I didn't consciously notice until it was removed.

"I liked that," he said, coming to sit next to me on the floor propped up against the wall. I was a little shocked by the sudden his presence, but as soon as he was near me, I felt relief flood me, just being near him made me feel so at ease. I could see the same relief in his face.

"Did you?" I asked timidly.

He sighed,"Yes."

We sat in silence for a minute before he continued, "Do you agree? Were we stupid to jump right in and be led by blind faith?"

I shrugged, "Probably, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Why? Are you regretting it?"

I knew I didn't have any regrets when it came to Edward, but I was aware that to everyone else this was probably insanity. Before Edward, when I still had a sense of rationality, I would have agreed that marrying someone you had known less than a year was crazy and irresponsible, but I had done exactly that.

The last week I had spent more time alone than I had in the last six months, and I couldn't help but reflect on our current situation. I felt like I knew every inch of Edward's soul, but we hadn't even known each other a year before we dove headfirst into our relationship.

While I knew the most important parts of Edward, I knew the very essence of being, but there were other smaller, possibly inconsequential, details I didn't know. The human part of me was a little scared of that. We never had the luxury of time, I think that was partly why Edward moved so quickly with me. Maybe in another life our timeline would have been prolonged, but we hit the fast forward on our love because we had to.

I kept fixating on the fact that I didn't know when Edward's birthday was. It kept nagging at me that I married a person whose birthday I didn't know. But again, I lost all sense of rationality the moment Edward burst into my life.

But even now, with the weight of all our concerns, the only thing I was sure of was us. I just didn't like this weird middle ground we had found ourselves on, where we were tiptoeing around each other, where we didn't quite know what to say. But even in this middle ground, I still held onto the love we had. The bond that had forged between us wasn't one that could be altered or broken by time, distance, or any amount of fighting. I would always be Edward's as he was mine. Everything else would fall into place around us.

"Never," he answered without a moment's pause. The lack of hesitation in his response gave me hope. We were both sitting on the floor. I laid head on his shoulder. His touch brought with it the strangest sense of relief — as if I'd been in pain and that pain had suddenly ceased. It had felt like forever since we had touched, but laying my head on his shoulder, it made everything feel okay. "I'm sorry, Bella. I've left you all alone in this. There's no excuse. I just-," he began to explain.

It was my turn to interrupt his rambling with a kiss, I pulled away and leaned my forehead against his, "It's alright, Edward."

He was going to say something else, but I just laid my head on his shoulder again. The way we fit together so perfectly, to me it was another sign that we were meant to be. Every time I looked or touched Edward it felt like coming home.

"Edward? Can I ask you something?"

He turned to look at me, the expression in his eyes soft and gentle. He nodded, looking slightly confused.

"When's your birthday?" I asked, my voice just above a whisper.

He chuckled, "I don't acutually celebrate my birthday."

I shook my head emphatically, "Nope, not a chance, if you make me celebrate my birthday, then it's only fair that we celebrate yours."

He smiled my favorite crooked smile, "June 20."

"It passed while I knew you?" I couldn't help but feel a little bad, as much as I hated my birthday, Edward had given me so much, I wanted to at least give him something in return.

"They can't really plan anything without my knowledge, they gave up back in the 50's," he explained.

"It's a good thing you can't read my mind then," I said, laying my head back down on Edward's shoulder. He gently kissed the top of my head.

I couldn't tell you how long we stayed like that, in our own little refuge surrounded by the unknown that was threatening to overwhelm us.

"Bella? Did you say something?" Edward turned to look at me. That was an odd question, he knew I hadn't said anything. I lifted my head and shook it. "Are you practicing with your shield or something?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, and shook my head again, "Edward?"

He laid his head against my slightly protruding stomach, "Say something."

"Like what, Edward, what's going on?"

He giggled, I had never heard Edward giggle before. It was another dramatic shift from the heavy atmosphere of the last few days, "The baby, it likes your voice. Mine too."

"You can hear him?"

"Him?"

"I've always pictured a boy, he'd look just like you," I explained.

"Oh Bella, he loves you so much already," Edward gushed. I was slightly jealous that I couldn't hear his thoughts too. But it warmed my heart to think about my beautiful little boy.

"I love you too, my little nudger."

We stayed gushing over our little miracle for another long while. We stayed seated like that while I gently cradled my round stomach, and Edward read my journal, analyzing each of my words.