DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own. PLEASE REVIEW! I will take advice and suggestions from my readers while continuing the story.
Thinking
Biju, etc. speaking
Biju, etc. thinking
Emphasis
Sasuke knew he'd really screwed up, but did Inky really have to further wound him for it?
"Now listen up, you two! I have had enough of your fighting, and in particular, YOUR attitude, Uchiha-kun," Tenzo bellowed. Kids… I frickin' hate this job! "Sai-kun: I understand that you are new to emotions, but you are a shinobi and have been one since a young age! We do not hurt comrades! Remember Shinobi Rules 4, 5, and 13! PARTICULARLY Rule 5 at the moment. For the sake of your teammates, what is Rule 5, Sai-kun?"
Sai glared at the man, still feeling an unknown emotion that he couldn't put behind a mask of stoicism. He picked up his Icha-Icha and hid his face behind it. If Kakashi-Taicho died - and Kami forbid that happen - he'd take up his place, as the man had shown him the Truth and Way of Icha-Icha, and opened his whole worldview! Tenzo-sensei bellowed at him again, but he didn't put his Precious down: it was too important and was also literally hiding his… anger. Is it anger I'm feeling? Ignoring the sound of annoyance that escaped his senpai/sensei, he finally answered his question. "Rule 5: 'A shinobi must follow their commander's instructions,'" he easily recited from memory. "One of our teammates is missing, Tenzo-sensei, and Kakashi-Taicho is injured…"
"That doesn't affect the rules' importance, Sai-kun! The rules remain and we must follow them for a reason - and all three of you know that! I am in command here, and don't want to see any more fighting! Haruno: can you heal Uchiha's newest wound?"
Sakura nodded eagerly and asked Sasuke to take off his bloodstained shirt. How embarrassing: all of it. Although it was good to know that Sai had apparently been in active service for a longer period of time as he'd penetrated his attempted defenses easily, it didn't help Sasuke's ego or the shoulder Sai had attempted to impale. And gods, of all the females outside his clan to see him shirtless first, it had to be Sakura? And couldn't she stop the perverted stare she was giving him? Kami: I hate this team.
Yes, Sasuke had fucked up - both several minutes ago when he sneered something at the ink-spilling bastard that was training to be a pervert - he'd said something about the Ink Boy's obsession with Kakashi-taicho and that idiot, Naruto. He'd screwed up big time, and although he wouldn't admit it, he felt terrible about what he'd done over the past few days.
While camping on the way to Wave, he'd had a nightmare that made no sense about the massacre of his family. Why had his mother been fighting alongside his brother? Even if it was "just" a nightmare?! Waking up in a cold sweat as he so often did, he soon heard Naruto cry out. Thinking they were being attacked, Sasuke moved from his bedroll and tent as quickly as he could, only to see Kakashi-taicho enter her tent. He didn't come out for a long time. For some reason, it really pissed him off, even though he was sure nothing untoward took place in the tent.
Naruto always had Kakashi-taicho's attention, and that wasn't fair! Sasuke was sure that he was assigned to the Hatake because they both had the Sharingan, although his taicho's was borrowed. That didn't matter: Itach, er- That Man and his own mother had explained how Kakashi-taicho received his Sharingan in the first place long ago when Kakashi was That Man's captain. He remembered that conversation well… It had taken place at his dinner table with both brothers chatting with their, er- his mother.
"...Yes, cousin Obito-kun wasn't treated terribly well by our clan, boys: something I'll be eternally ashamed of," Mikoto said sadly as she shook her head. "The clan also opposed his wise decision to give Hatake-san his eye as a replacement for his own, but I fought them on it. I knew Hatake-san well enough: he was one of my best friend's husband's students. He was," the dark-haired woman let out a soft chuckle, "a little brat back then, even though he was always enormously talented," the clan matriarch continued as a small smile graced her face. "He's grown into a fine young man, and I'm SOMEWHAT pleased that you're under his command, Itachi-kun." Her gentle gaze turned sour. "Although I wish you'd spoken to ME about joining ANBU, son."
Itachi blanched. "I did speak to Father…"
"Oh? And does your mother's opinion no longer matter to you, Itachi-kun? Does your mother no longer have the good judgment to ensure that you make wise decisions that will not only protect you but the village as well?" Itachi was shrinking in his seat. "Does your mother, a JONIN since age 15 - the kunoichi that taught you to swing a sword, let alone brought you into this world - is SHE a lesser advisor?!"
"No! Sumimasen, Kaa-chan! I meant no disrespect," Itachi began but was again interrupted by his occasionally fierce mother. He looked at his little brother's expression of fear in the face of her and winced.
"I see. I see ALL, Itachi-kun." His mother's lips turned up from a sneer into something hinting at amusement, but then her expression clearly expressed disappointment as she frowned. "And tell me, son, if you're now in ANBU and have other duties and missions, who will be guarding Naru-chan?"
Sasuke pulled himself out of his memories once again and scowled. He remembered asking why The Dobe needed a guard at all, but his mother once again changed both the topic and her attitude completely. He hated when they talked about her! It was bad enough that she was around so often back then - and even worse that she seemed to love picking on him! His mother had once again whacked him with a wooden spoon for calling the idiotic blonde his brother and cousin were so fond of by the name he always referred to her as. The girl, herself, never seemed to mind being called a Dobe back when they were very young.
Then she just disappeared after THAT day… I thought he'd killed her, too.
"Uchiha!" Tenzo yelled, absolutely sick of being a sensei to one of the weirdest groups of upcoming shinobi in the village's history - he was sure of it! "Pay attention! If you can walk, we'll practice walking on water. If you're unable to do this now, at least learn the theory behind it..."
Sasuke nodded his head in affirmation. His leg was still hurting - something he blamed Tenzo-sensei for. How could a Jonin mistakenly use an attack, particularly an attack with WOOD of all things, in the opposite direction of which he was aiming? What a dunderhead. However, since Kakashi-taicho was still down, partially as a result of my misdirected fireball, he had no choice but to follow his lesser sensei's advice.
"Haruno: I'm healed. Now stop rubbing my chest."
Naruto tried to force her numb jaw to work as she lay in her mindscape. Open, close; open, close. Side to side… Repeat. She wiggled her tongue around, too.
She had eventually stopped listening to Kurama loudly swear colorfully in various languages some time ago - although he was still at it. The Bijuu probably would've been pacing if he had the room. Poor Kurama… He's killing my ears, though. She tried to speak but still couldn't enunciate at all. Damn that Haku and whatever it was he hit me with!
"Kuu-ma. Whaszu...md bout? Was - whes we, dattebyo. Fck mah lf'r st...f'n tic!"
The Bijuu finally shut up and stood as close as possible to his cage. Is he pouting? Naruto wondered. She began to laugh but ended up choking instead.
"Moron! Nepotistic bullshit! Do you know… Shinigami-sama be damned! I swear I'm CURSED! And not only by asinine Uzumaki females smitten with noodles!"
"Ramen-Sama," Naruto muttered, starry-eyed and her speech finally clear as day. Kurama's hair raised up hilariously, she thought. Blinking her eyes to clear her vision more, Naruto saw that it was true: Kurama looked like a hell of an angry rabbit/cat.
"Since you're capable of unreasonable thought, listen well. ONE: disregard those knives the Young Monkey gave you; they only hinder your ninjutsu. TWO: you will train your secondary affinity in a body of water! THREE…"
"How'd H'ku gt senbnta cumoutta hs body, dattebayo. FUCK!"
"Yes, yes, your verbal tic is back and as annoying as ever. You will drink in my knowledge: you will THIRST for it, Toady!" He snarled but finally laid down and crossed his enormous paws. "Fine. The Ice-boy, whom we will destroy…" Naruto rolled her eyes, but Kurama ignored her and continued, "made shadow and water clones, which in your pathetic limited vision scattered the ice senbon every direction." Naruto was impressed: Haku hadn't done anything close to that when she fought him last time. Kurama must have known what she was thinking, considering the thoughtful scowl on his face. "He is Jonin-level, Naruto, and you are not! That is unacceptable! Remember that you are not the only one who has had additional years of training before meeting for this apparently predestined battle. Do not lie to me: I know you held back!"
Naruto grimaced before nodding her head in bitter agreement, glad that she could feel and move her neck again at all. She cursed Haku internally for the pain she felt in the side of it, though, then wondered again if Kakashi and her team were okay. She barely remembered anything that happened after she was hit - actually she didn't remember anything at all, now that she thought more on it. "Kuu-ma, whrmI? Wha… wha-happndta evrone?"
"We are in hell, kit."
"WHAA? Was you tlknbout, K'ra-chan?" She assumed he was joking, but observing his countenance closely, she couldn't be sure. "FUCK! D'd Zt - Zet… Zetsu gts us, dattebayo? God damnit!"
"No. I'd say our present destination and captors are worse… but in comparison to that damnable Plant Man or any of the other despicable Akatsuki, I suppose we are in only slightly better hands."
Well, now she was completely freaked out! Trying to keep her quickly increasing hysteria from completely taking over, Naruto tried breathing in and out deeply through her nose. Eventually, she smelled something nice - something like, "N-way…" Kurama only glared and produced a loud snarl at her before the vision outside of her mindscape began to clear.
Something was on her chest, and way too close to her face. Purple… could it be?
"It's about time, Naruto-chan! Gamamaru-sama has been dreaming up nonsense about you for years, little one! Let's get you healed up and over to see him."
"You know he probably won't remember her any more than he remembers Jiraiya-chan, my dear."
Naruto couldn't believe it, and also couldn't stop the tears if she'd tried. "How - hws diss… Hos dis possbl, dattebayo. FUCK!" She thought she'd gotten rid of THAT verbal tic - not that "ya know" was much better!
Lady Shima stopped her healing jutsu to smack Naruto in the head. "Language, hime-chan!
"Ignore these lesser beings. NUMBER THREE: the next time you battle, you will re-engage with your nintaijutsu. You must train so that you are able to battle with nintaijutsu for a longer period of time."
"Oi, shuddit, Kuma! Can' yasee waya - we… arrrre..."
"As I previously said, we are in hell."
"Oh, com'n K-rma! YOU.. musta b'oughts-us ahere, ne? It's dstnd tabe, dattebayo. FUCK MY LIFE! FUCKING HELL, wha cnI-stop?" Naruto began to cry or at least whine a lot. Dattebayo-ing was just too terrible.
"FOUR! You will pull your head out of your ass and forget about the Perverted Wolf!"
"Sca-rew-ayou, datte- WHAA!"
"Naruto - Naruto-chan? Kami-sama: is she talking to that awful fox again?" Lady Shima asked her husband. Naruto nodded and the female toad sage rolled her yellow eyes.
"Kurama, right?" Gamabunta asked although Naruto could only make out his belly, a bit of his vest, and a giant cigarette.
"I WILL KILL YOU ONCE I'M OUT OF THIS JAIL! WHEN IN KAMI'S NAME DID YOU TELL HIM MY NAME?"
"I dunthik I DID tll him, datt… Ku-ma: plz, pleeez jus kilm'now," Naruto asked of her partner sadly. She really didn't want to live a life with that damn word coming out of her mouth. God forbid she say "Believe it," or Shika would kill her, himself. Yoshino didn't care for her "silly talk" whatsoever and had trained her to be a lady, after all. Well, at least as much as she was able to…
"Ignore them. I will kill you later. FIVE: you will stop your obsessive concern over whether the third and slightly less despicable Uchiha is alive. The person you met could be ROOT or another enemy seeking that accursed eye, or your knowledge of it. Until we are sure, you are not to speak of that damned flesh sack."
"Jez. B'ssy mush? 'nd cnya ples g'vame a - a fuw m'nts tasee ma od fendz? I cut con-sunnntate onwha yasayin na. Dey sem ta member shtuff…"
"Inari-sama, help me! Shut her up before she further inflicts me with her stupidity!"
"Naruto-chan, not that we aren't glad to see you, because of course we ARE, but what are you doing here?" Lord Fukasaku asked, tilting his head as he questioned her.
"Cap - cpturd." Naruto apparently was understood because a large intake of breath was heard around her. "Gotsta - Gotta geback, dat-... Teamz neeeedz me," she forced out, before swallowing something Ma was giving her. Dear Lord: it's that weird sake - and not the good partying kind they make...
"Goodnight, Naruto-chan," so many toads said all together before her world went black. The last thing Naruto heard was Kurama beginning to rant and curse all over again.
Jiraiya was in a quandary.
Where the hell was Tsunade-hime? He really needed to find her and get back to the village. He had to bring her back, as well, if sensei's note was true. He'd had that summons from the Hokage for quite a while now, ever since he managed to escape his old student in Ame, and Tsu-hime was still nowhere to be found!
He really needed to return to the village but didn't know how he could help his little maniacal and prophesying goddaughter without Tsu-hime. As Naruto-hime's legal guardian - although he swore that Hiruzen-sensei had tried to usurp that title from him many years ago - he might be able to sit in the Uzumaki seat on the council until she was older, but they needed all the votes they could get! That's why he was still searching for his old teammate. He'd drag her tight ass back and stick it in her council seat, even if he had to knock out both her and Shizune! No way was he letting his goddaughter - as weird and violent as she was - get hitched to the one Uchiha brat left in the village.
The older one? His informant? Yeah, him he wouldn't mind tying down to his goddaughter so much, although Naruto was too young for those kinds of things anyway.
Just as he heard the angry ranting of his teammate - and wasn't that a beautiful sound? - a man came flying through a wall in his direction. "Baby's still got it!" That's when he felt it - a strange change in the air around him. "I sense a disturbance in the force."
"Jiraiya? What are you doing here, Pervert?!"
That's when it happened: his largest and most important scroll, the summoning contract, poofed away, right off his back, along with all his other scrolls and seals. He felt naked! And not in a good way!