[Les Claypool]
I'm goin' down to South Park, going to have myself a time.
[Kyle and Stan]
Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.
[Les Claypool]
Goin' down to South Park, going to leave my woes behind.
[Eric Cartman]
Ample parking day or night, people spouting: "Howdy, neighbor!"
[Les Claypool]
Headin' on up to South Park going to see if I can't unwind.
[Tweek Tweak & Butters]
Our town is bigger, dammit, right down to the little granite.
[Les Claypool]
So come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine.
Tweek opened his eyes and found the female greyhound looking him in the eyes.
Tweek yawned then rubbed her neck.
"Moring girl, how did you sleep?" Tweek said before realizing that he must be going crazy if he's trying to have a dog conversation.
Tweek opened the Door to his room and looked into the hall to see if his parents were awake yet, and to his delight, they were not.
Tweek turned his head and signaled for the dog to follow him.
"C'mon girl, let's go," Tweek said as the greyhound jumped off the bed and followed him out of his bedroom until they were outside.
Tweek opened the Shed door then gestured for the Dog to go inside, but she was hesitant to do so.
"C'mon girl; I won't keep you in there forever; it's just until I get back from football practice then we'll I'll think of something."
The grayhound reluctantly walked into the shed. Tweek got the Dog a big bowl of water and an even more giant bowl of meat.
"Ya know, I should give you a name; what should I call you?"
Tweek then thought to himself for a moment then looked around the shed for inspiration. His eyes settled on an old bottle of turtle wax, and the label read: Billie's turtle wax. Tweek then looked back at the greyhound.
"How do you like the name, Billie?"
The grayhound then let out a joyful bark.
"Billie, it is then."
Tweek rubbed Billie's neck once before leaving.
"Don't worry, I'll be back to check on you in a few hours; just stay here until then, ok?"
Instead of Barking, Billie affectionately licked Tweek's face. Tweek smiled, then rubbed her neck one more time.
"See ya in a little bit, girl."
Billie watched as Tweek got onto his big wheel and drove towards the elementary school.
Billie tried to take a nap, but just as she closed her eyes, her nose picked up a familiar scent. It was Kevin, he was coming back for her, and she would have no way of defending herself while she was out here; she needed to be somewhere where she could hide amongst the humans.
She then picked up the scent of her new master and quickly ran out of the Tweak family property and ran down the street and towards the elementary school.
(St. Philips Elementary)
"What's the matter with you boys?! You choose the day before we go to the state championship to start f up?!" Chef's older brother, Thomas McElroy jr, pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance after he said this.
" I have to admit, when I first started coaching you boys, I thought you were just a bunch of weirdos and freaks like my baby brother had told me you all were, but eventually, most of you showed me that you actually had an actual talent for the game and that talent got us to the state championship, but now you all reverted to your old selves! Craig, iv told you a million gosh damn times to stop flipping people off when you make a touchdown! Clyde, stop crying when you get tackled; it's incredibly off-putting! Scott, you should change your name from Malkinson to Trip a lot because that's the only Damn thing you do once you on the field!
Pip, your a cyborg, for goodness sake! Why don't you use those bionic legs of yours to run across the field instead of just skipping along as you do?!"
"Well, I don't skip, and I can't put my legs at full power because then I'll-"
"No excuses! And speaking of freaks, Damien, why don't you use any of those Demonic powers of yours?" Coach McElroy asked.
"Since I'm not a Satanist anymore, I don't have easy access to demonic powers. Also, wouldn't it be cheating if I used my powers and pip used his cybernetics?" Damian answered.
"There is nothing in the rule book about weird kids with powers; I except you and pip to give your all tonight because I have only noticed two kids on this entire team who are giving a hundred and Ten percent!" Coach then Turned around and gestured to Stan Marsh and Bradley Biggle.
"Stan and Bradley have carried this team all season, and now it's time you all do the same!"
Assistant coach Big gay Al then walked up to Coach McElroy.
"Ok, boys, why don't you practice your drills while I keep coach from going ape shit crazy."
Assistant coach al then led Coach McElroy back to his office.
Tweek pulled up to the football field then ran into the bathroom to change into his uniform. Unfortunately for Tweek, it wasn't a football uniform but one of an equipment manager. Back in Wyoming, Tweek had been an actual player on the team, but coach McElroy had cut him and Butters from the Team. Stan, as team captain, tried to convince Coach to let Tweek back on the team, but he would only take Tweek back if he became the equipment manager.
It wasn't all bad; Tweek, for the most part, was just glad to be around his friends. He did wish that he could have still been on the team while he and Millie had dated. He would have loved to impress his then cheerleader girlfriend...now he just cleaned uniforms and cleared the dirt off helmets.
Tweek was brought out of his thoughts when Chris Donnely threw his helmet at him.
"Make yourself useful, Tweek. Clean my Helmet!" Chris said before turning around and walking back to the field.
"Ahole," Tweek muttered to himself as he walked over to the station that he and Butters had made their own. Butters was busy washing towels while the team's only alternate, Tommy Turner, was polishing cleats.
Butters looked up from the towels he was washing and Noticed his Best friend looking discontented.
"You ok, Tweek?" Butters asked.
"Im sick of being treated like crap by most of the players. We clean all their uniforms and equipment, and to thank us, they keep throwing their jockstraps and smelly shoes at us."
"Where I come from, that's pretty much the norm. The sooner you make peace with it, the sooner you'll feel better, Tweek." Tommy said as he finished polishing Token's backup cleats.
Tweek and Butters both looked at each other than at Tommy.
"What do you mean by where you come from? You were born and raised here, Tommy." Butters said.
Tommy's eyes went wide as he realized his mistake. He had to act fast, or else his new life here on Earth would be ruined.
"I mean, that's how I was raised. Because Heidi and I were born 12 months apart, she always used to act superior to me and make me do her chores."
"Are you sure? That doesn't sound like Heidi." Tweek asked.
"Well, I think I would know her better than you do, Tweek. After all, I am her flesh and Blood Brother."
Tweek and Butters looked at each other again, then went back to their duties.
Tweek was helping Butters clean the towels when he heard a commotion coming from the field.
"Who the hell's dog is this?!" Coach McElroy shouted.
Tweek looked out onto the field and, to his surprise, saw Billie running towards him.
The female greyhound jumped onto Tweek and knocked the Blond boy to the ground.
Billie licked her master's face a few times before Butters and Tommy pulled her off.
"Tweek, When did you get a Dog?" Stan asked as he and Kyle looked the greyhound over.
Tweek didn't answer the question but instead scratched his Dog behind the ears and looked her in the eyes.
"What are you doing here, Girl? Why didn't you stay home?" Tweek asked the Dog as he Rubbed her neck.
Everyone else on the team began to fawn over Tweek's New Dog.
"She's so cute." Scott Malkinson said.
"I wish my parents would let Esther and me get Dog like this." Kevin Stoley said.
"She is an interesting specimen," Tommy said.
"She's not that cool," Craig said while trying to act like he didn't care...but then he gave the Dog a small piece of Food while nobody was looking.
The greyhound then licked kyle's face.
"Where did you get her anyway, Tweek?" Kyle asked.
"To be honest, I just found her coming out of the woods behind my house last night. I have no idea where she came from."
"Get that Dog off of my field!" Coach McElroy Shouted.
"She's not on the field, coach. She's back here with me, Tommy, and Butters." Tweek said as he continues to rub his dog's neck.
Couch's eyes Narrowed as he looked down at Tweek.
"Watch it, Tweak. The only reason your even this close to the field is because Stan vouched for you; I hope for his sake and yours that you don't make me regret listening to him."
Coach then turned his back to Tweek and shouted at everyone else.
"Well, what the hell do you boys think you're staring at? Get back to practicing your drills!"
Everyone did as they were told except Stan and Kyle, who walked over to Tweek and tried to comfort their friend.
"You ok, Tweek?" Kyle asked.
"Ugh, im okay, guys. I'm just glad Coach didn't make me send Billie away." Tweek said as he used Clyde's towel to clean some mud off of Billie's body.
"So what exactly did your parents say when you brought a greyhound home?" Stan asked.
"Well… they don't exactly know about Billie. I always wanted a pet, but we can never get one because my mom is allergic to pet dander. After the game, could you guys help me smuggle her back into my parent's shed?"
"Sure…but what's your long-term plan, Tweek? You can't just keep her in your parent's shed for the rest of her life." Kyle said.
"Well, what if I keep her at Assistant Coach Al's Animal sanctuary?"
Tweek then looked Hopefully at Stan.
"Do you think he would take her, Stan?"
Stan shook his head no.
"We can't take in any more animals right now, Tweek. Even if we could, we couldn't just let her live there for you to visit her; she would up for adoption just like all other stray Dogs and cats we take in."
The three boys were interrupted by the sounds of the cheerleaders setting up.
Tweek noticed Wendy, Bebe, and Lola giving their boyfriends amorous glances.
"Ugh, Tweek, you're going to be ok by yourself for a few minutes, right?" Butters asked.
Tweek nodded his head.
"Go on, go talk to your girlfriends," Tweek said
The three did so. As they were walking across the field, Tweek imagined that Millie was still here in New South park, and he was still on the football team.
(Tweek's fantasy)
Millie, while dressed in her cheerleader uniform, rested her head against Tweek's jersey.
"Please be safe tonight, Tweek," Millie said as she gazed into Tweek's Beautiful Amber eyes.
"Im going to be more than safe, im going to lead our team to victory against those West park snobs, and im going to Dedicate that victory to you, Millie."
"Oh, Tweek."
Millie then jumped into Tweek's strong arms, and they began to kiss each other lovingly.
(End of Fantasy)
Tweek was brought out of his Fantasy when Chris Donnely threw his towel at Tweek's face!
"Stop daydreaming and do your job, Tweek!" Chris Donnely said.
Tweek was about to throw the towel back in Chris's face, but before he could do anything, one of the cheerleaders threw her Poms in Chris's face!
"How about you be helpful for once instead of just making everyone else do your work, Chris! You can start by Cleaning off my Poms; they've got leaves stuck in them!"
The cheerleader then threw her other pom at Chris. He then picked it up and grumbled to himself before walking away.
Tweek then felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up in surprise at the girl who stood above him.
"You ok, Tweek?"
(Tweak Residence, Several hours later)
Richard and Mrs. Tweak both got into their car.
"Honestly, Richard, I don't know why you spend so much time primping. We're only going to an Elementry football game." Mrs. Tweak said.
"Oh, come now, Ellen. You know as well as I do that appearance means everything. People wouldn't buy coffee from us if they saw me walking around town with Bad hair and an atrocious complexion. Besides, as I remember, it was my constant primping that led to our eventual courtship.
I'm sure you remember that night just as well as I do; it was a surprisingly calm night in Mid August; we made love for the first time by the Creek, remember?"
Ellen Tweak blushed.
"Oh Richard, of course, I remember. I also remember the Broken condom that led to our son being born Nine months later." Ellen said.
"Oh right, I forgot about that. Well, it wasn't that bad a situation. After all, we did get a son and our first employee out of it."
Richard was about to Drive to the school but stopped when he and Ellen both heard a loud crashing sound coming from their house.
"Ellen, you stay here and call the police. I'm going to check out who's trying to break into our house."
"Richard, wait-"
Richard slammed the car door closed before his wife could finish talking. He then grabbed his son's baseball bat and slowly walked into his home.
Richard heard a loud animal-like Snarl coming from the kitchen. Maybe it was just an animal that had broken in like a Mountain lion or a Brown Bear.
Richard looked into the kitchen and, to his horror, saw a gigantic Monster with Bright green fur smashing Nearly everything in the kitchen.
Richard was about to run out of the house, but as he backed away, he stepped on a shard of glass, and the monster turned its head around and saw Richard standing in the Doorway.
Before Richard could even move an inch, the monster pounced on him while baring its claws!
(Meanwhile, at St. Philips's elementary school)
Tweek, Butters, and Tommy watched as the game progressed. The New South Park Holy cows were doing pretty well against the west park Cowboys. Stan and Badley had scored most of the touchdowns, while Craig had only scored one, and he had struggled not to flip anyone off when he made the touchdown.
Tweek looked down and smiled as he watched Billie sleep next to the Team's washing machine.
As soon as she had arrived on the field, the Team's luck had turned around drastically. Billie seemed to be quite the good luck charm; maybe he should try to get the school to change its team's name from the Holy cows to the Holy greyhounds. Tweek's thoughts were interrupted by a pain-filled yell coming from the field.
"Oh no, Badley got hurt," Butters said.
Tweek looked out and saw his schoolmate trying unsuccessfully to hold in pain.
Mr. & Mrs. Biggle ran out onto the field and picked up their son before leaving for the hospital.
Coach threw his clipboard onto the ground and smashed the piece of wood beneath his shoes!
"Dammit! We were so f close to winning the state championship!" Couch McElroy shouted.
"Thomas, for goodness sake, calm down. People are staring at us." Assistant coach al said.
"It doesn't matter, Al! Without Bradley, we're f ! Stan can't carry the whole team on his own, and our only other Alternet is the Turner kid, and he acts like he doesn't even know the rules of the game!"
"Wait, what about Tweek? He used to be on the team back in Wyoming. Why don't we put him in?"
Coach didn't answer.
" look, it's not like we're in a lose-lose situation here. All we need to win state is just one more touchdown. Stan or Craig will probably make that Touchdown anyway, so all we need Tweek for is to have an even number of players."
Coach looked at his childhood best friend one more time before nodding in approval.
The referee walked over to the two.
"Coach McElroy, you gotta put in another kid or forfeit the game." The referee said.
Coach looked over at Tweek then called him over.
"Tweek, put on a uniform and join everybody else on the field!"
Tweek was shocked when he heard this. At first, he thought that he heard things.
"Tweek, what are yea doing? Get out here, Kiddo." Assistant Coach Al said.
"What are you waiting for, Tweek? Get out there." Butters said.
"But I-"
Tweek was interrupted by Tommy Turner.
"Butters is correct, Tweek. You have to go out there and prove yourself." Tommy said.
Before Tweek realized what he was doing, he saw that he was already putting on his cleats and Jersey then running out onto the field.
He grabbed a spare football helmet and joined his friends and teammates in a huddle.
"Great, to think we were so close to winning, now we're going to lose thanks to you, Tweek," Craig said.
"Shut up, Craig!" Stan and Kyle both said.
"Look, I know I wasn't the best player when I was on the team, but im going to show you guys my best tonight," Tweek said.
"Wow, you have inspired me, Tweek," Chris Said sarcastically.
Francis then punched Chris's Balls!
Chris fell to the ground in pain!
"Insulting my friend isn't good for the team's morale. I suggest you try and act like a team player, Chris." Francis said before nodding friendly to his former leader, Tweek.
Tweek smiled, then nodded back.
"Alright, all we need to win state is to score one touchdown. Well, do the plays that got us here. Well, start with the Mustang rush; Kyle will pass me the ball, then I'll give it to Craig. Craig, if you can get to the end zone without passing the ball to anyone, then do it, but if you can't, then give it to Damien or Token. The rest of us will distract the other players, Tweek; I want you to stay close to me and kyle as much as possible; ready, guys, Break!"
Everyone got into their positions except Tweek and Stan.
"Stan, wait."
Stan turned around and faced his friend.
"Tweek, we don't have time to talk," Stan said.
"This is essential, Stan. For tonight at least, I need you and Kyle to stop babying me. I know you both think you need to protect me and, to a lesser extent, Butters, but tonight, you can't do that. "
"Tweek, we Ne-"
"No, Stan! Ever since I joined your group, I have followed you and have believed in you as a leader, but now I need you to believe in me. Here is what I think we should do."
Tweek then began to whisper into Stan's right ear.
A few minutes later, the two joined everyone.
"Ok, everyone, Hut, Hut, Hike!"
Stan, instead of passing the ball to Kyle, gave it to Tweek.
"What the hell is stan doing? That wasn't the game plan!" Couch shouted.
As coach was saying this, everyone was trying their best to protect Tweek.
Tweek also Dodged several west park players.
An Obese west park player was about to tackle Tweek, but before this large boy could do anything, Francis Tackled the large boy to the ground!
"Go Tweek!" Francis yelled as he pointed to the End zone.
Tweek nodded then continued to run, but as he did, he heard Craig yelling over to him.
"Hey! Pass the Ball to me!" Craig shouted.
Tweek looked over at Craig and shook his head no. This was going to be his moment to shine, and Nobody else was going to take that away from him. He then felt someone grab onto his ankle; then someone grabbed onto his shoulder! Tweek knew they were trying to bring him down, but he couldn't stop now, not when everyone counted on him.
The crowd watched in anticipation as several more west park cowboys tried to bring Tweek down, but he would not stop.
Tweek used every last bit of strength in his body and finally reached the end zone; he then fell forward, and as soon as the ball touched the grass, the crowd began to cheer!
Couch dropped his clipboard in amazement.
"I…i can't believe it. That blond kid did it. Al, can you believe it?"
Al smiled before taking a long drag of his cigarette.
"Nothing surprises me anymore after growing up in this town," Al said.
Stan, Craig, Kyle, and everyone else on the team grabbed Tweek and lifted him into the air.
"Let's hear it for Tweek!" Kyle shouted.
"Tweek, Tweek, Tweek!" Everyone shouted in delight.
"Way to go, Tweek! Butters shouted joyfully.
Billie ran out onto the field and pounced on her new master as the team put Tweek down.
Tweek fell to the ground and looked up happily at his new pet.
"Tweek."
Tweek got up immediately as he heard coach's voice.
"Y-yes, Coach?" Tweek asked nervously.
"Good work out there, kid. It looks like you proved me wrong. I think it would be best if we brought you back on the team next year."
"But…don't you have to cut somebody?"
"I'll get rid of Chris; that kid never pulls his weight on the team."
"B-but that's not fair!" Chris said.
"Life isn't fair Blondie, get used to it." Coach said before he walked back to the sidelines, where the referee gave him the state championship trophy.
Chris Donnely then looked at Tweek with hate in his eyes.
"This is all your Fault, Tweek!"
Before Chris could do anything, Billie growled at the boy and began to chase him all around the football field.
While everyone was celebrating, Tweek saw someone from behind the bleachers motioning him to come towards her.
Tweek shrugged, then walked over to the bleachers, and his delight, saw the cheerleader that he had talked to earlier that day.
"So I see my advice helped. How does it feel about going from equipment manager to football star?"
Tweek smiled as she said this.
"Honestly, it feels great. Thanks for helping me out earlier today, Heidi."
Heidi Turner smiled as he said this. She was about to say something but was interrupted by the sound of Tweek's phone.
"Sorry, Heidi. It's my mom; it will just take one second."
Tweek answered the phone.
"Hey, mom, what's up?"
Tweek's eyes went wide as he heard his mother's reply.
Heidi noticed this and waited till Tweek ended the call.
"What's wrong, Tweek? What happened?" Heidi asked.
Tweek stood still for a moment.
"A wild animal broke into our house and attacked my dad," Tweek answered.
(Cartman Residence)
Leann Cartman answered the knocking at the door. As she opened it, she saw none other than Satan's secretary, Martin Bormann standing on her Doorstep with a sleeping Eric Cartman in his arms.
"Here you go, Satan doesn't want him anymore," Martin said before dropping Eric onto the Stoop before transporting himself back to hell.
Eric opened his eyes and noticed he was back at his home.
"About f time! Mom gets me some Cheezy poofs."
Leanne didn't even respond but only closed the Door in her son's face!
"You can sleep outside, Tonight, Eric."
"What?! Open the f Door, Mom!"
As Eric was bashing his hand against the Front door, a giant creature looked at him hungrily through the Bushes.
To be Continued
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