Eleven
She'd always known there would be tension between McCoy and Coulson. After everything that happened between themselves, she wasn't entirely surprised by the notion. Yet the fact that Coulson finally seemed to support her decision to see him again caught her off guard. She knew in the back of her mind that it wasn't necessary. But his support meant that he understood where her heart belonged. As difficult as it was for him to accept, Coulson was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that she and McCoy were closer than they had ever been. And the more she thought about it, the more she began to understand just how deep their bond was.
Most of the following evening had been spent discussing what they should do if she was assigned to another mission. She knew long-term missions like these could easily be cut short depending on whether or not she was needed for another mission. Things didn't get much better when Director Fury suddenly decided to pull her off the roster and involve someone else from the agency. If he thought she was somehow compromised during the mission – which in this case she considered herself emotionally compromised – then there would be problems in the near future.
She tried pushing those uneasy thoughts aside. The last thing she wanted was to admit that such an occurrence could happen. She and McCoy had always known going into this that there was a chance she could be assigned to another mission. She desperately wanted to focus on the positive side of being enlisted in the Academy. With everything going on, she knew that something could just as easily turn their lives upside down again.
The more she thought about it, the more ironic she found it that she wanted to stay in the Academy with McCoy. Years ago she would have spat at anyone who tried convincing her otherwise. Starfleet had only ever taught her that being different was a bad thing. That standing out made you vulnerable to attack.
It was only after enlisting in the Academy that she discovered not everything was set in black and white. McCoy was the one who taught her that opening up to others wasn't such a bad thing, or a weakness for that matter. Uhura and Gaila taught her that there were those who accepted her for who she was, and not for what she could do.
Kirk was a whole different story. The more she began to get to know him better, the more she realized he wasn't the same person everyone made him out to be. Around McCoy he was loud and obnoxious. Around other women he was flirtatious and equally as obnoxious. Yet whenever they were alone together, Emily noticed a quieter side to him.
While he tried making himself seem like a trouble-making goofball, Emily knew there was something much deeper going on. Kirk was smart… he was probably as smart as his mother and father, maybe more so. He did a good job at hiding said intelligence around those who didn't know him well, but she was far too observant for her liking.
She couldn't help but think back to the way his mother and father treated her when she was aboard the Kelvin. George Kirk had always been kind to her when he finally noticed her. Winona had quickly followed his approach. When they started talking about taking her in once the mission was over, she'd been hopeful for the change. But then Nero's attack followed. She knew at the end of the day that she had always been better off with Coulson… yet that didn't stop her from thinking of what her life could have been like had they taken her in.
"Have you ever talked to him about that?" Emily blinked in surprise when she realized McCoy had been reading her thoughts. She rose an eyebrow in amusement at the innocent look that followed. Try as he might to hide it, he was enjoying the fact that they could communicate with each other telepathically. "It ain't exactly hard to read ya when your thoughts are on repeat."
Emily rolled her eyes when he gave her a playful nudge. She knew he was right. Her thoughts were becoming increasingly easier for him to read as they became closer. It wouldn't be long before the bond between them was too strong for her to tune him out unless she was capable of blocking him.
She was suddenly grateful she had been taught how to do so. Blocking anyone from reading her mind was something she had been taught when she was recently released from the ICU. After everything she had been through, she wasn't in any hurry for someone to find out the truth behind her dark past.
"I've always wanted to tell him, but I never know how to word it properly," she explained with a shrug. "On the outside Jim seems like a carefree idiot looking to get himself into trouble… but even you know that isn't entirely true."
"Yeah, I do know," McCoy snorted. "Kid's an enigma as far as I care. I don't think I've ever heard him talk about his family."
She pursed her lips together in concern when he said that. The few times Kirk had opened up to her about his mother, it was usually with disdain. She could tell that the subject was a touchy one. He would cringe any time someone tried bringing up her name, or how she was doing. It was clear that something about his family put him on edge, and she had a feeling he wouldn't tell unless the situation demanded it.
"Something tells me Jim won't be in any hurry to share that information to just anyone," she said thoughtfully. "Which is exactly why I couldn't tell him about the agency… imagine how he'd react if he found out the truth behind my enlistment."
McCoy threw her a thoughtful look as he understood what she meant by that. As difficult as it was to admit, he knew she was right. Kirk was bound by loyalty. Emily hadn't missed how he seemed to attach himself to a few people and make close friends with them. Despite McCoy's complaints about how infuriating he could be, he knew Kirk was also one of the few actual friends he had at the Academy. And as far as she was concerned, once that friendship was earned, it was hard to let go of.
"Yeah, I guess you have a point," he muttered crossly. "Doesn't make the fact that you have to keep this from him a secret."
She merely rolled her eyes once more. That was exactly why she couldn't tell him. Keeping it a secret meant she would risk everything… and it also meant she was willing to take that risk. Unease crawled through her at the thought of how McCoy would react. She was lucky he'd grown up knowing about the agency and her role within said agency. It was clear he wanted to say something else when a familiar figure caught her attention.
Emily shared an uneasy look with McCoy as Natasha waited for them at the edge of campus grounds. The redhead certainly drew a lot of unwanted attention from approaching Cadets. Most of them either avoided looking directly at her or skirted around her entirely. Though she looked like any other civilian disguised in normal clothing, she was still equally the dangerous master assassin people feared and dreaded.
"Agent Coulson, it's good to see you again," Natasha remarked after observing how close she and McCoy were. Though she didn't miss a sudden rise in tension between them either. "McCoy."
"Romanoff," McCoy greeted her with equal curtness before glancing at Emily. She refused to show her annoyance or unease. "I'll see you later."
He added the last part with a nod, neither meeting her gaze nor kissing her as he normally would have. And all at once, the doubt from earlier suddenly came rushing back. Everything Coulson said and warned her of came rushing back in a whirlwind of emotions. Though it happened so quickly that she managed to keep him from reading her thoughts, effectively blocking him.
"Since when was that a thing again?" Natasha asked once they were alone.
"I wouldn't necessarily call it a 'thing'," Emily replied with a shrug. She pursed her lips together as she pried into his thoughts. The only emotions she could read was annoyance. Her heart sank with guilt over the thought of ruining whatever they'd been. "What brings you to the Academy?"
She knew why Natasha was there. Coulson had already warned her that he and Clint were being reassigned to a base in New Mexico. Apparently energy readings similar to hers had been found in the desert. She was well aware that the agency had been searching for others like her. There was only one other being with similar energy readings to her own, though her readings had always been on the higher side.
"The boss wants to speak with you," Natasha explained as they headed for the base. Emily glanced at her warily as she caught the knowing look that followed. "Mentioned something about a certain someone getting a bit too interested in Starfleet's business."
Emily pursed her lips together. She suddenly found herself wondering if that someone was herself. After all, Director Fury likely knew she and McCoy had been seeing each other.
She didn't have long to dwell on those thoughts. Emily wasn't surprised to find Maria waiting for them at the main entrance. The brunette gave Natasha a curt nod before gesturing for Emily to follow. And all at once, a tight knot formed in the pit of her stomach. She suddenly felt as though she was being guided into the unknown… something of which terrified her to the core. She tried pushing those thoughts aside as she finally reached the makeshift office Fury normally used for meetings.
Sure enough, he was already waiting for her inside just as Natasha promised. Though he looked more annoyed than usual. Emily rose an eyebrow at the sight. She was hardly surprised that he was so annoyed. If the meeting had anything to do with her, he needn't worry too much. She knew at the end of the day that the agency would always be her second home. Starfleet was and always would be a temporary agenda. McCoy had already proven that when they parted ways.
"Agent Coulson," Fury greeted her with the same curtness Maria had earlier.
"Boss," she returned the gesture without missing a beat. "To what do I owe the pleasure of a personal visit?"
"Don't get your ass too excited," Fury snorted in what could pass for amusement. Emily merely stared back blankly, knowing full-well he expected her to lash out or give some sort of verbal complaint over being forced to enlist in Starfleet. "The only reason I'm here for a personal visit is because of your progress with Captain Rogers."
That was enough for her to stiffen in surprise. They had been making good progress over the last few weeks. Steve's knowledge of the twenty-third century was almost as good as a teenager going into high school. He'd gotten caught up in the history of the Federation and Starfleet, along with everything else he missed out on. There were still a few things that needed improvement, such as his lack of interest in modern technology and his unease around large crowds of aliens. But at least he was interested in learning how to cope with that growing anxiety.
"He's become pretty well adjusted from what I've been able to see," she replied with a shrug. "There are still a few areas that need improvement, but as far as I can tell he's ready to move on in today's society… he should be free to make his own decisions."
She eyed Fury, a hint of a challenge gleaming across her eyes. He knew what she was doing. She'd seen what Steve was capable of even after the few short weeks they'd gotten to know each other. She had a feeling the agency wanted to exploit him simply because of his Super Soldier blood. The same intention had been used as an excuse when she was taken by those men years back.
"I understand that you and Captain Rogers have been working closely together," Fury said in a tone that dared her to fight back, "But he needs to know where his skill-set is needed the most. It would be a crying shame for him to waste it somewhere outside the government branch."
Of course it would be, Emily nearly rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"So what do you expect me to do about it?" she demanded after crossing her arms in annoyance. She kept her face void of emotion, but she knew from the narrowed eye that Fury was well aware of her annoyance. "Steve is fully capable of making his own choices, and as far as I'm concerned he's earned his right to decide what he wants to do with his life."
"Do you really think he'd be able to fit in with today's society?" Fury retorted. Emily pursed her lips together when she realized what he was implying. "He's been through too much… and too much has changed within the past four hundred years. This world isn't ready to face someone like him, and he wants to enlist in Starfleet."
For a moment, she wasn't sure how to respond as realization dawned on her. Steve had been asking more questions about Starfleet. After reading about incidents like the Kelvin event and the Franklin disappearing centuries ago, he'd become more interested in space exploration. She had a feeling he was hoping to carry on his legacy – to serve and protect those who couldn't.
"Again, what do you expect me to do about it?" she finally muttered.
"Talk to him," Maria answered before Fury could. Emily glanced at the brunette warily as she stood at the front entrance, crossing her arms over her chest as she did so. "He trusts you enough to accept your advice."
Emily held back a sigh of frustration when she realized there was no backing out of this. She knew she would have to be the one to inform him of their choices, regardless of how much she argued. She hated having to be the one to bring anyone down. After years of arguing with Coulson to finally let her join the agency, she'd learned there were ups and downs with it.
Once it became clear that there was no arguing with Fury, she finally relented and backed out of the room. Maria was quick to trail after her, looking more than concerned after noticing how annoyed she looked earlier.
"Why the hell did Fury ever think I was the best agent for this mission?" she asked quietly.
"Because he knows you have a gift that allows you to connect with people," Maria said bluntly. Emily glanced at her warily, not liking where this was headed one bit. "You haven't noticed it, have you?"
"I've noticed it with Leonard," she scoffed. Maria rose an eyebrow at the annoyance in her voice. It was the only time she allowed emotions to get the better of her, and she immediately regretted it. "I've also noticed how close Tony and I are… along with Clint. But Papa and I were never that close."
She knew where this was headed before it even started. She had been doing research on her abilities and what she was capable of. Over the last few years before being assigned to her most recent mission, she'd known there was something off. The connection she had with McCoy had turned into something stronger because they spent so much time together. She suspected that was the main reason she was able to reach out to him telepathically.
"I'm assuming your abilities have something to do with it," Maria said. Emily gave a reluctant nod and looked on ahead, knowing full-well where this was headed. She didn't like the idea of being used in such a way. "As far as we're concerned, the four of us are the only ones who know about this particular one. I'm assuming that makes five if McCoy is aware of it."
Emily froze in her tracks when Maria added that last bit. She glanced at the brunette warily, only to find her smirking in amusement.
"Leonard was the first to find out about it," she murmured. "We can talk to each other telepathically."
"That must be useful," the brunette remarked with a thoughtful look.
"More like annoying at the worst times," Emily rolled her eyes in annoyance. "I've always been able to read his emotions pretty easily, but lately it's been getting worse. And after today…"
She didn't want to think of how he would feel about her after that incident. His response had told her everything she needed to know. He hated the secrets that went on between them. It hadn't ever been that way in the past… but their years apart taught her not to fully trust him. She supposed that was part of the reason he was so resentful. Though she had a feeling it was worse than that. McCoy was only just beginning to grasp what it meant to really be with her, and she couldn't shake off the feeling that he regretted his choice immediately.
"Just remember what Phil said," Maria suddenly reminded her. Emily glanced at her once more as she caught the brunette giving her a sympathetic look. "If he ever does anything like that again, he won't likely live to see another day."
Fear wormed its way into her chest at the thought of something like that happening. She knew nothing good would come out of that, especially in light of recent events. Emily tried pushing those uneasy thoughts aside and finally headed for the gym. She knew that's where Steve would be. He spent most of his afternoons at the gym, whether it was for a jogging simulation or the punching bag.
Once she reached the gym, Emily noticed Steve was at the punching bag just as she predicted. She almost smirked as she saw him like she normally did when she arrived for their sessions. While they never sparred together, she enjoyed watching him. He was a heavy-hitter, not really having a fighting style like herself or Natasha. What he lacked in style he certainly made up for in strength and stamina. They were similar in those aspects.
She shook her head at the sight and quickly changed out of her Starfleet uniform. Since she wasn't taking classes at the Academy that day there wasn't any need to wear one. Plus she preferred her SHIELD uniform… it was far less revealing and it flattered her in every aspect. Though that wasn't always a good thing when she worked with countless men who tried hitting on her. Grant Ward had been a prime example of that notion. She could still remember the time he'd come back with a black eye because he couldn't take 'no' for an answer.
"The punching bag is only going to do so much for you."
Steve nearly did a double-take when she suddenly appeared from around the corner. Emily smirked in amusement when he faltered for a moment, unsure of how to respond when he realized she had been standing there for a few seconds. He'd quickly learned after searching through SHIELD's database that she worked alongside Natasha and Clint. Both were trained as spies, though most of what she learned was through Coulson and Maria.
"Most people are usually thrown off by all the punching," he admitted with a sheepish smile.
"I think it's safe to assume that I'm not like most people," she pointed out. "Why not test yourself with a real sparring partner?"
The Super Soldier just looked at her in surprise, "I don't wanna hurt you."
"Trust me, you're not going to cause too much damage," Emily let out a light laugh, knowing full-well she meant it.
He was taken aback by her response, but he nodded nonetheless. Once the simulation changed into a sparring ring, Steve took on a defensive stance. They circled around each other for a few seconds, neither backing down from the challenge. Emily kept a careful eye on the Super Soldier, knowing full-well what to expect before he lunged at her.
When he did just that, Emily moved easily to the side and threw him off balance without hesitation. The Super Soldier landed on the floor seconds later with a grunt, winded for a brief moment. When he tried getting back up, Emily managed to knock his legs out from underneath just as he regained his footing.
"The key to taking an opponent twice your size is by using their size against them," she explained after pinning him once more.
She smirked in amusement when Steve finally looked at her in disbelief.
"Romanoff?" he asked after she let him back up.
"Natasha and I work together often," she nodded in response. She'd barely broken a sweat during their sparring session. Steve hadn't missed how similar her attributes were to the Super Soldier Serum. His brows furrowed together thoughtfully as he began to piece two and two together. "We started off on a rocky beginning, but I couldn't ask for a better partner."
"I've heard stories about her," Steve said as the simulation ended. Emily rose an eyebrow as she caught the curiosity in his voice. "I'm surprised she was willing to work with anyone."
Emily pursed her lips together when she caught the double meaning behind his statement. He'd heard the rumors of how difficult it was to work with herself. After seeing the way she acted around him and behaved around those who were higher up, he understood what they meant by that. It was clear she held an heir of authority about her, despite doing a good job at hiding it.
"It helps when you have something in common," she finally replied with a shrug. "I heard from the boss you were thinking of enlisting in Starfleet."
"After reading everything they've done and accomplished over the past few centuries, it's hard to ignore," he admitted. Emily glanced at him warily as she noticed his demeanor change. He'd gone from being curious to wary the moment she brought up Starfleet. His defensive posture told her that he had taken it into consideration, along with joining the agency. "I wouldn't mind continuing my job of protecting people… that's part of the reason I enlisted in the military."
She took a deep breath as she recalled what Maria told her earlier. Convincing him otherwise wouldn't be that difficult. It was just a matter of spreading a false lie that would encourage him to join the agency instead. Yet that didn't stop a tight knot from forming in the pit of her stomach. McCoy's words hung in the air, leaving a painful reminder of how far apart they really were.
"Have you ever thought of why I never wanted to work on a ship?" she suddenly asked. When Steve didn't answer, Emily looked at nothing in particular as memories of the Kelvin incident came rushing back. "People fear what they don't understand, and what they can't control. Because of what I can do, they probably wouldn't let me anywhere near a ship. The only reason I'm at the Academy in the first place is because I have knowledge on Starfleet."
She didn't want to add that she had also been aboard a Starship for the first four years of her life. Steve had already likely looked into those files… though she was sure that Coulson erased them after she was adopted by him. Any traces of her past with Starfleet had been destroyed once it became clear her parents wanted nothing to do with her.
"So… what you're saying is they probably won't accept me because I'm Captain America," he guessed after giving her words some thought. Her heart sank even further when she heard the disbelief in his voice. "I thought they'd moved above that."
"There are some who believe the Super Soldier Serum is the reason behind the Eugenics War," she reminded him with a pointed look. She needed to kill whatever chances he had at enlisting in Starfleet. Though it was a new low for her, she knew it had to be done. "There are a few who blame both Doctor Erskine and yourself."
The silence that followed was deafening. Emily glanced at Steve warily as she noticed his demeanor change. His expression was impossible to read. But as she picked up on the confusion, guilt and anger rising within him, she knew she'd hit a thorn. She regained her composure just as quickly as his had changed.
"Where else am I supposed to go? Can't exactly lead a normal life given the circumstances," he pressed warily.
Emily held back a sigh as her mind wandered to what Maria had said earlier. She knew Fury wanted him to join the agency… not just because of his background but because he would make a valuable asset. She was never fond with the idea of being used by anyone, let alone the agency. It was one of the many reasons Coulson had been reluctant to let her join in the first place.
"You could always join SHIELD," she replied with another shrug. When Steve looked at her in surprise, she kept her expression void of emotion. "The agency could always use someone with your skill set. It is like a second home for me."
In more ways than one. Emily realized with a start that the agency had become more than a place where she could work. There were times when SHIELD felt more like home than her own apartments did. She supposed that came with the territory of constantly being on the move. Though Tony and Coulson had reassured her that she would always have a place to stay if she chose to go back.
When her response was met with silence, Emily glanced back at him in time to see that he'd already left. She let out a quiet sigh once he was gone. Though not without glaring at the cameras watching their every move.
I hope you're happy with what I've done, she thought bitterly. Because this is the last time I will lie for you.