Chapter 48
14 February, 1959 Blackpool Abbey, Upper Flagley, Yorkshire
"Happy Valentine's Day, my love!" Cal said, a hint of uncertainty coloring his tone.
He sat beside her on the bed with a tray balanced in one hand. His other was lifted to brush her hair out of her eyes.
When she flinched, he withdrew it immediately.
"You shouldn't have gone to all the trouble, Cal. I'm not hungry."
Dorcas sat up and glanced at the tray, if for no other reason than to avoid eye contact with her husband. She thought she'd turned some corner last night after her talk with her uncle's portrait. But waking to the sight of Cal hovering close to her, touching her made her realize that she was not comfortable around him in the way she used to be.
And she felt awful for the way that it was affecting him as well.
"Dorcas, you barely eat anything at all lately. At least eat the fruit."
He was bargaining with her in the way he might bargain with Wren when she became defiant about eating. Somehow this added to the disquiet she felt around him.
She acquiesced because she thought it the easiest way to get him to move away from her. Spearing a strawberry with her fork, she popped it into her mouth and forced herself to chew.
"Thank you, Cal. Happy Valentine's Day."
She hadn't thought about Valentine's Day or about a gift for her husband. He should be used to her thoughtlessness by now, she reasoned.
But she couldn't brush off her indifference for long.
Cal produced a black velvet box and placed it on the tray.
Dorcas reached for the coffee and sipped it.
His mind was closed to her this morning, causing her to cast about for a challenge question to fire at him. Something that wouldn't be too random. She felt as if some of her questions lately had caused him to furrow his brow and stare at her.
"What brought that to mind?" he would sometimes ask when she would prompt him to recall a distant or obscure element of their past.
"I debated getting this for you," Cal said, pointing to the jewelry box.
She could understand why. It wasn't many weeks ago that he'd learned of her betrayal. The memory that Gemma had sent to Cal of his wife locked in a passionate kiss with another man. Not just any man, but the one man she couldn't quite seem to cut out of her life. Their marriage was all but over.
Valentine's gifts seemed a little ridiculous after everything that Dorcas had done.
"What is it?" Dorcas asked. She heard the note of apprehension in her own voice. She wondered if Cal had as well.
"Just open it."
Dorcas set her coffee cup down and reached for the box with a shaking hand.
"Do you remember what you gave me for our first Valentine's Day together?" she blurted, her fingers darting away from the box as she thought of a challenge question that would not arouse suspicions.
"Of course I do," Cal said, reaching out to touch her right hand and the ring that rested on her finger. He took her hand in his, running his thumb over the large pear-shaped gemstone on her finger. A golden topaz in an elaborate silver setting.
It was Ryann's birthstone.
Dorcas relaxed a little with that answer. She was assured that she spoke to Cal and not an impersonator.
She rubbed her thumb against her ring finger, feeling the two rings there that, along with her engagement ring and wedding band on her other hand, she never took off.
The ring next to Ryann's birthstone was a peridot that she received five years ago after Wren's birth.
"And I remember what you gave me, too!" Cal said, raising his eyebrows, grinning.
Dorcas blushed and smiled involuntarily at the memory. It wasn't so much of a gift she'd given him. More of an act.
This caused her to remember the last time she'd given him that particular gift, or someone that she thought was him.
There was a sudden surge of bile in her throat at the recollection.
She shoved the tray off of her lap, spilling the coffee. Throwing the blankets from her, she pushed Cal out of her way.
"I think I'm going to be sick!"
Barely making it to the wastepaper basket beneath the vanity in her room, she skidded to her knees and retched into it.
Cal was beside her in an instant, holding her hair and rubbing her back.
"I was worried about this," Cal said finally, once he was sure that Dorcas was finished heaving into the bin.
"About what?" Dorcas asked, leaning against the wall, out of breath, a headache pounding in her skull.
Cal stood and retrieved the glass of water beside the bed and a tea towel from the breakfast tray. He handed them to her and then joined her on the floor.
"That concussion is more dangerous than an average one because of your condition, Dorcas."
He was employing his healer's voice with her. The more difficult a patient was, the slower and more matter-of-fact he became.
Cal pulled his wand out of the pocket of his trousers and shone its light into Dorcas's eyes, lifting her lid gently with his thumb. He repeated the process with her other eye.
"Your pupils are slightly dilated. Do you have a headache or dizziness?"
Dorcas nodded. "Both."
"The wedding's not for a few more hours. I think you should stay in bed for a while longer. No helping with preparations. Agreed?"
Dorcas didn't have the energy to argue and allowed him to grab her under the elbows and lift her to her feet.
He flicked his wand at the tray and the spilled coffee, clearing both and pulling the covers back for her.
She watched as he set her forgotten gift on the bedside table and took the tray to the door.
"I'm going to see if Jonas and Cherry need any help. Promise me that you'll stay in bed for at least the next two hours."
"I promise," Dorcas agreed.
When Cal closed the door behind him carrying the tray and the wastepaper basket, leaving Dorcas alone, she reached for the black velvet box and pulled back the lid.
There was a large pear-shaped gemstone hanging from a delicate platinum chain.
Peridot. August.
It was a birthstone for her little boy.
:::
Anneliese pinned Cherry's hair expertly, plucking bobby pins from between her teeth, tucking tendrils in place, and shooing Cherry's hands away when she tried to arrange the curls differently.
Dorcas looked on from a chair in the corner, rocking Anneliese's youngest to sleep.
Joy looked like her mother, crystal blue eyes, concealed now behind delicate eyelids swept with golden eyelashes. Her cupid's bow mouth sucked at a phantom dummy, tongue peeking out slightly.
Dorcas found her fingers flitting every so often to the gemstone at the dip in her collar bone, thinking about her own precious baby.
The apricot hue of the dresses that Cherry had selected for the ladies of the wedding party set off Anneliese's coloring charmingly. It enhanced the peaches and cream tone of her complexion.
Dorcas had mused earlier in the reflection of her own bedroom mirror that the color seemed to bring out the dark circles under her own eyes, prompting everyone who saw her to ask her how she was feeling.
Cal was the only one who didn't ask. Instead, he'd tipped her head back and checked her pupils again without pretext. Satisfied that she was doing well enough, he'd allowed her to leave her bed and get ready for the wedding.
Dorcas did her best to remember that Cal was just being a careful and protective husband and bit her tongue when she felt like lashing out at him.
When Dorcas had been cleared by the good doctor to leave her room, she'd dressed hurriedly, arranged her hair, put on her new necklace and grabbed a box that contained the surprise that she'd brought for Cherry.
She was eager not to miss a moment more of her friend's big day.
Cherry wore a tea length dress in a cream color with an extravagant amount of tulle.
The dress might be considered over the top on anyone else, but Cherry looked stunning.
She was pinning teardrop pearls to her ears when Dorcas had entered.
Dorcas gasped. "Are those…?"
Cherry nodded, a watery smile on her face. "The earrings Darren gave me."
"Something old?"
"They were his grandmother's."
Anneliese handed Cherry a handkerchief.
"If you make her smudge her makeup, Dorcas Clerey, we'll have words!"
Dorcas held her hands up. "I won't. Promise!"
She reached into her frilly apricot colored handbag and took out the wrapped gift.
"Something borrowed and blue?" she said, handing the box to Cherry.
When Cherry opened it, she sighed. "This is lovely, Dory!"
Dorcas shrugged. "It's only fitting since you spent most of our years at school trying to force me and Cal together."
"I knew you two were perfect for each other years before you ever knew it yourself!" Cherry congratulated herself, pinning the silver wren to her shoulder. Its sapphire eye winked brilliantly in the light of the chandelier in Cherry's boudoir.
"Dorcas was the only one that was too slow to realize," Anneliese pointed out. "It was plain to everyone else!"
Dorcas laughed. It was true.
Anneliese stepped away from Cherry with a flourish. "Almost done here. I wonder how the boys are getting on."
"I'll go and check on them," Dorcas offered.
She laid Joy down carefully on the sofa next to Anneliese and felt bereft at the loss of the baby's warm solid weight.
Jonas and the men of the wedding party were in his small study on the second floor.
Dorcas found Beau on the landing with his son Trevor and Cherry's nephew, Arthur, instructing the ring bearers on the proper way to walk down the aisle.
Continuing down the hall she heard her own name before she'd rounded the corner. She slowed her pace as Jonas and Cal's voices carried out of the door that stood ajar.
Dorcas could see the interior of the room from Jonas's mind and Cal's simultaneously; wood paneled and full of dark leather, masculine.
Jonas sat in a club chair next to the fire, a tumbler containing an amber liquid in one hand.
He looked exactly like his father.
Cal paced in front of the fire.
"She's lost a lot of weight. Practically skin and bones when I hugged her last night," Jonas was saying.
Cal nodded.
"She won't eat. Barely sleeps until she collapses and then she's out for a day or more," Cal explained. "And she didn't say anything to you last night?"
Jonas shook his head. "Ryann showed up only moments after you took Wren out of the room. Then a wall went up and I didn't get anything else out of her."
"Something has changed, or happened. I don't know. I wonder if she's found other memories that Tom had altered but she doesn't want me to know about them. She barely lets me touch her. She won't set foot in our bedroom anymore. She hides out in her office. I keep thinking it's him. He's done something to her."
"I'd say so. He's altered her memories. She probably feels like she can't trust anyone."
Cal raked his fingers through his hair.
"I hate what he's done to her. To us. He destroyed her at school, left her on her own to deal with everything, nearly ruined her future. And he's still there. Constantly in the shadows. There's always been three people in this marriage."
Jonas nodded and took a sip.
"I hear you, brother! It's not the same as what you and Dorcas are going through. But I understand how a ghost can haunt a relationship."
Cal sat in the chair across from Jonas and leaned his elbows on his knees, threading his fingers together in front of him.
"Exactly!"
"Darren Barton is always going to be a part of Cherry. I have to accept that he's a part of our relationship too. Tom isn't some war hero cut down in his prime, but he was a significant part of Dorcas's life. He's the father of her daughter. He's never going to go away completely, Cal."
"So what do I do?" Cal asked helplessly.
Jonas leaned back and took another sip.
"When I proposed to Cherry, I knew that I was accepting Darren's ghost into our future too. I had to make peace with that. Because the alternative is not having Cherry in my life. And that is a future I don't want. I will take her any way I can get her."
"I have to accept that Tom is a part of my relationship with Dorcas?"
"I'm not suggesting a threesome. I'm saying that you have to accept what Tom was to Dorcas. But you also have to trust her when she says that he's in the past."
"What if he doesn't stay in the past?" Cal said, his voice low as if this was a product of his subconscious mind and not directed at Jonas.
Dorcas heard Jonas inhale, weighing his next words.
"Then I guess you decide whether you want to fight to keep her or let her go. Is Dorcas worth fighting for?"
Dorcas didn't want to be let go by Cal. She didn't want Cal to have to fight Tom for her.
Tom Riddle could rot in hell.
She knocked lightly and stepped into the room before Cal had a chance to answer. Dorcas didn't think she was ready to hear what he had to say.
"Cherry's almost ready. She sent me to check on you."
"Finally!" Jonas said.
He stood and set his glass down. Dorcas smoothed his tuxedo jacket and kissed his cheek.
"You look so handsome!"
He winked at her. "You make a pretty best man, cousin!"
Jonas left to greet guests, leaving Cal alone with Dorcas.
"You look handsome too, Cal," Dorcas added, feeling a fluttering in her stomach like butterflies. It was as if she was mustering the nerve to speak to a boy she had a crush on instead of her husband of more than thirteen years. "Thank you for my gift."
Cal approached and raised a hand tentatively to the green stone at her throat.
"Other women need fine dresses and jewels to make them beautiful. On you they are redundant," Cal answered in a low voice, repeating words he'd said to her years ago.
"I was unsure about the necklace. It has become a sort of tradition of mine to give you a piece of jewelry for each child you've given me. But I wondered if this time it would be too painful for you to remember."
Dorcas shook her head as she moved into the safe circle of his arms. "No, not too painful. I love that you remembered. Ben deserves to be remembered."
She didn't pull away when he kissed her. Instead, she pressed herself to him feeling as if she couldn't bear for even a centimeter of space to come between them.
She felt the satisfying pressure of his arms as he pulled her closer to him.
"Dorcas," he sighed against her neck, raising gooseflesh all over her body. "I've missed you."
I have too, Dorcas thought.
:::
You would never know it was midwinter in Yorkshire.
There were so many roses and peonies in bloom around the veranda and path to the garden and hedgerow maze that it looked more like June in the Columbia Road flower market.
It felt like June as well.
Around the perimeter of the wedding ceremony space, drifts of snow were piled up in glittering balustrades, but inside the Quidditch-pitch-sized space, the grass was lush and green underfoot. A balmy breeze tickled the fine hairs exposed at the back of Dorcas's neck by her upswept coiffure.
The string quartet that played in the corner of the veranda reminded her of the many events that she'd been a part of in her tenure as Rackharrow family member. Mostly pureblood affairs that reminded all invited that the echelons of Wizarding society were not dead and gone.
This one might turn out to be the most diverse gathering Blackpool Abbey had ever hosted. Dorcas noted members of all classes and blood status taking their seats.
The Minister of Magic, Wilhelmina Tuft and her son, Ignatius were in attendance along with other dignitaries.
About half of the crowd that Dorcas surveyed had the same red hair that made Cherry so easily recognizable.
Dorcas and Anneliese made their finishing touches to the attire and hair of the flower girls and the ring bearers. Cherry's nephew Arthur's cowlick was giving Anneliese the most trouble. Prompting Dorcas to spring into action when Anneliese produced her wand and threatened to stick the hair to his head with a Super Sticking Charm.
Anneliese huffed and pressed the unruly tuft to the boy's head once more to no avail.
Dorcas gave her a placating smile as she lined the children up.
She was somewhat to blame for Anneliese's surliness.
She and Cal joked that he was going to follow Anneliese down the aisle with Dorcas's bouquet so that she could stand next to Jonas and provide best man support. Dorcas had humored him, handing off her bunch of violets and forget-me-nots, forcing Anneliese to put her foot down and push Cal up the aisle to take Dorcas's spot next to Jonas.
"Okay, places everyone!" Anneliese said to the cue of the music.
Dorcas watched as Jonas escorted Cherry's mother to her seat.
Maxine Weasley was everyone's mother. Dorcas had never known the woman's house to have less than twenty people in it at once. She was always baking something and remembered every birthday. Even the faintest of acquaintances received Christmas presents from Maxine. Dorcas had more hand-knitted pairs of socks and mittens than an Inuit might ever need.
The sight of Jonas with his soon-to-be mother-in-law made her cheeks hitch upward with a warm smile. She was everything his own mother was not.
Eden was a cold woman whose philosophy on rearing children had more to do with vanity than love.
Jonas was going to be so happy as an addition to the Weasley clan.
But Dorcas was also saddened by the realization that besides herself, Jonas had no other family in attendance. Her throat tightened to imagine how proud Lysander would be of his son on this day.
"Wait a minute, Anneliese!" Dorcas whispered.
"What now?" Anneliese snapped.
Dorcas didn't answer, but ran through the ballroom and across the hall to the library. Racing up the steps in heels was a precarious business that threatened to snap an ankle, but Dorcas didn't care.
"My darling, you look beautiful!" her uncle said as she crested the landing, huffing and clutching a stitch in her side.
"Liar!" Dorcas gulped. "You're coming with me."
She placed her flowers in her mouth and unhooked the solid oak gilt frame from the wall. The painting nearly eclipsed her own wingspan and she imagined a frightful scenario where she dropped her uncle down the stairs and damaged him.
"Dorcas? What is the meaning of this?" Lysander asked, but unable to invoke a serious tone over his own laughter.
"Hang on, Uncle. You'll see!"
She carted the heavy canvas back to the ballroom and handed her bouquet to Ryann.
"Uncle Sander!" Wren said, waving to the family member she'd just been introduced to that morning.
"Hello, petal!" he returned.
Dorcas stepped out onto the veranda and carefully picked her way down the stone steps to the garden below to the sounds of her uncle's protests.
"This is very undignified, young lady," he chastised.
Several guests tittered and smiled as Dorcas wrestled the frame down the aisle and arranged her uncle propped in front of a chair in the first row of the guests.
Jonas beamed at her.
"Do you have a nice view, father?" he asked.
"A little to the left, if you please," he instructed Dorcas in answer.
Dorcas made the adjustments and then trotted back up the aisle calling behind her, "Love you, Uncle!"
"That's why you're his favorite!" Cherry said, winking at Dorcas as she adjusted her gloves.
Anneliese was holding Cherry's flowers and tapping her foot impatiently.
"Now are we ready?" she asked Dorcas pointedly.
"Sir, yes sir!" Dorcas said, saluting the wedding warlord.
The quartet began a soft version of Pachlbel's 'Canon in D' as Dorcas took her place in the processional order.
Anneliese handed Cherry her flowers and led the vanguard.
Dorcas followed Anneliese, her eyes resting on Cal as she neared him. She was reminded of their wedding day and her stomach flipped in a dizzying rendition of that short journey just thirteen and a half years ago.
One thing was glaringly different now. Her feelings of uncertainty, her self-doubt, the inner monologue that constantly questioned, Am I doing the right thing? was gone. She had never done anything more right in her whole life than marrying Cal.
She made a mental note to tell him that when she got the chance.
Dorcas was so distracted that she followed Anneliese to the bride's side of the altar. Laughter from those assembled accompanied her and Cal as they shuffled places.
Ryann and Wren looked like beautiful spring nymphs carpeting the grass with rose petals as they walked slowly down the aisle to stand on the bride's side with their father and Anneliese.
Jonas reached for Dorcas's hand and squeezed it.
Trevor and Arthur were the last of the party to come down, turning to stand in front of Dorcas and Beau.
Everyone rose in unison and turned to watch Cherry's final steps of solitary life before she became Mrs. Rackharrow.
Dorcas wondered when she'd ever seen her friend so light and hopeful as she strode slowly forward with her father, Walter. Her cheeks became damp as she recalled the horrible moment when she'd witnessed the shattering of Cherry's world, when she was told that Darren would not be returning from France.
Cherry swore she'd never find another love like his.
Maybe she never would. But she had found a different love instead.
When Dorcas turned to look at her cousin, she laughed to find tears on his cheeks as well.
He was a good man. And Cherry was a dream that had taken him decades of patience in order to earn. They deserved every happiness.
Dorcas sent a prayer to the heavens, hoping their life would be endless bliss.
Like teenagers in love, Dorcas and Cal couldn't stop catching one another's eye across the happy couple as they said their vows.
Cal even dropped the mental barrier he habitually kept in place.
"I know exactly how he feels," Cal said softly, his mental voice like a caress in her mind.
Dorcas could only smile at him as a tear slipped down her cheek. She wished she could communicate with him in the same way. But she couldn't.
"Watching for years as the girl you love overlooks you. Patiently biding your time, hoping beyond all reason she would finally notice you. And if you're extremely lucky, she might one day agree to become your wife."
She nodded her head slightly, careful not to draw attention from the two who declared their unending devotion to one another in this moment.
Dorcas wanted to tell him that she was unendingly devoted to him.
"God! I want to kiss you right now!" he mentally exclaimed.
She stifled a laugh when she saw Ryann's eyes fly wide and look between the two of them.
In the next moment she nearly jumped out of her skin when a shout from somewhere in the middle of the assembled well-wishers startled her.
Dorcas's connection to her husband's mind snapped as her eyes found the source of the ceremony's interruption.
Gemma was pushing past guests, forcing her way to the center aisle.
She understood belatedly as she came out of her incandescent moment with Cal that the officiant had asked anyone who had just cause or impediment to come forward and speak.
Dorcas wished he'd just skipped over that bit.
"Jonas," Gemma was pleading as she trod on the foot of one crimson-crowned Weasley or other. "Please don't do this!"
"I knew that snake would try something," Cherry said under her breath to Cal.
Dorcas watched as Jonas and Cal closed ranks in front of Cherry. She wondered if this was for Cherry's protection or Gemma's.
Instinct told Dorcas to grab the two children in front of her, Trevor and Arthur, and pull them away from the center of the commotion. She saw Anneliese doing the same with her daughters as Beau moved to Jonas's side opposite Cal.
"Dorcas, take Anneliese, Cherry, and the children and leave," Cal instructed her wordlessly.
She could tell he was scanning those in attendance for Gemma's wedding date. But Dorcas wanted to believe that Tom had more sense than to bust up a wedding that he had no personal stake in. One that the Minister of Magic was attending no less!
Dorcas believed that Gemma was acting on her own angry impulse.
Still, she moved to Anneliese's side with the two boys in tow. Her wand was in her right hand, bouquet forgotten on the ground.
"That family is full of blood traitors. They are not loyal to the magical community! They have no proper Wizarding pride."
Gemma was striding up the aisle. She pushed some heroic partygoer back into his seat when he made to stand and impede her progress.
"You mean Wizarding prejudice, I think," Jonas corrected her. "And I wholly agree with that. The old ways are dead, Gemma. But I'm glad you're here. Please stay and celebrate the day with us."
"Of course you agree! You're just as bad as them. Mother would be rolling in her grave, along with granddad," Gemma spat.
As she approached the place where Minister Tuft and her son sat, Aurors sprang into action, surrounding her, brandishing wands at her.
"Oy!" Jonas shouted. "Take it easy! She's harmless!"
Gemma screeched a mirthless laugh at the characterization. "I'm not harmless, little brother!"
She demonstrated by throwing an Auror flat on his back with a wordless spell.
The remaining three seized her roughly by the arms, one savagely bending her fingers back to take her wand.
"No, please! Don't hurt her!" Jonas pleaded with the Aurors, breaking ranks with Beau and Cal to rush to his sister's defense.
Dorcas didn't hear what he said to the Aurors, or Wilhelmina Tuft's orders. She watched along with everyone in attendance as Gemma was escorted up to the ballroom, Jonas following in the wake of the Aurors.
Cal wrapped Cherry in a comforting embrace, his eyes finding Dorcas in the midst of the wedding party.
"It wouldn't have been the same without Gemma making a scene, I guess," he commented to her in his mind.
Dorcas smiled wearily and shrugged. She supposed they should have expected this.
:::
"I thought she and Tom were going to make trouble," Cal admitted.
Dorcas felt the vibrations of his voice through the top of her head, where it rested under his chin. They slowly spun around the dance floor.
"Tom wouldn't make such a public show," Dorcas said, feeling trepidation about speaking the name aloud to Cal. "Not with the Minister here. My guess is Gemma did that in spite of Tom."
Dorcas had an awful feeling that Gemma was answering for her disobedience at this very moment. She shuddered.
Cal nodded, his chin stroking her hair.
The ceremony continued after Jonas had a private word with his sister. He'd emerged from the ballroom looking a little sad, but determined.
Lysander's portrait had asked Cal and Dorcas to give him a full accounting of events, as he had not been turned to see Gemma approach the altar.
Finally, Jonas and Cherry were married and pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Rackharrow.
Gemma had refused Jonas's offer to stay and celebrate with them.
"I don't want to talk about either of them anymore," Cal answered.
Dorcas sighed and pressed herself closer to Cal as they danced. She luxuriated in the feeling of being close to him. Allowing her into his mind on several occasions today meant that Dorcas didn't have to constantly reassure herself that she was speaking to, touching, being embraced by her own husband. Not once today had she even had the fleeting feeling that he could be Tom in disguise.
Maybe the change in context had given her a sense of safety as well. She was faced with the startling reality that her home did not feel comfortable to her anymore. Particularly her bedroom. They would have to move. She wondered how she would bring up the subject with Cal.
"What do you want to talk about?" Dorcas asked.
She felt a sluggish feeling in her limbs brought about by the warm rays of the sunset and too much champagne.
"You," Cal answered simply.
Dorcas pulled away and tipped her head back to look at him.
"Me?"
"It's hard to see you hurting. I'm worried about you and I don't know how to help you."
She was reminded of the conversation she'd overheard between him and Jonas earlier in the day.
"I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me," she argued, returning her head to his chest so that she didn't have to look at him as she lied.
He couldn't help her with what had happened. She would need to find a way around it on her own. Telling him what Tom had done would only enrage him and endanger him.
"You can't tell me your fine, Dorcas. You've lost about twenty pounds by my estimate. You jump when I touch you...You're not fine. I never should have left."
He sighed and rested his chin on her head again.
"I left you in such brokenness and it was selfish of me. I wish I knew how to put things right," he continued.
Dorcas wouldn't tell him all that had happened between her and Tom. She couldn't.
But she didn't want him blaming himself for her mistakes and the consequences she endured because of them.
"It's not selfish to want space to process your hurt, Cal. I understand why you left." She squeezed him. "But I'm so grateful you decided to come back."
"I always will because I love you, Dorcas."
"I love you too, Cal."
:::
"Gemma decided not to stay."
Dorcas could tell that her footsteps had not been loud enough to announce her approach. Jonas's shoulders jumped a little as she spoke.
"No." He lifted his glass to his lips and took a long sip of something honey colored.
"I remember when we sat like this in the summers of our childhood."
She joined him on the flat rock at the edge of the mill pond that was shaped a little like a bench.
Jonas would come here after a scolding and distract himself by sending the frogs at the banks magically sailing over the water before dropping them. It brought a smile to her face when she remembered how they would swim back to the shore and form a neat queue for another turn.
"You know I used to be jealous of you."
Dorcas tilted her head in her cousin's direction.
"Jealous of me?" she asked.
Jonas nodded and drank.
"I wished sometimes that we could trade places. I could grow up with the independence you did. In the city full of adventure. No one to tell me that I was a disappointment. That I'm not living up to expectations. I wanted Aunt Mary to be my mum."
He laughed at his own confession.
"My life wasn't like that, Jonas."
Dorcas kicked her heels off and rolled her ankle slowly. She observed that they were a bit swollen from standing all day.
"I want to be different than my parents were. I won't make my son or daughter feel as if they have some enormous legacy to measure up to. It's too much of a burden," he said, punctuating this with another drink.
Dorcas studied him.
His tie was loosened and the top button of his collar undone. He had a glassy look in his eyes, indicating that the whisky in his hands was not likely his first or even second.
"You and Cherry are as far from your mum and dad as two people could be," Dorcas said, sliding her arm around his waist. "I think you've already broken the cycle by choosing her in the first place."
Jonas laughed a little.
"Are you saying my mother wouldn't approve?"
"I think Gemma was right on that score. Aunt Eden is going to haunt the two of you for sure."
"I wish everyone wasn't so miserable," Jonas opined. He lifted his glass again and drained it.
"Who's miserable?"
"They were," Jonas said. She knew he meant his parents. "You and Cal are. Gemma."
Dorcas took the glass from his hand and set it on the stone beside her so that she could take his hand.
"Cal and I are not miserable. We're going through something right now. But we'll come out of it alright." Dorcas squeezed his hand. "Gemma's been hurting for a long time. Maybe it's all she knows. Maybe it's all she thinks she deserves."
One memory stood out to her concerning Gemma. Probably the most vulnerable she'd ever seen her older cousin. She'd lashed out at Dorcas when she'd tried to help her like a wounded and cornered animal. It wasn't something she could easily shake from her mind.
"But that's her pain to work through. It has nothing to do with you, Jonas."
She rubbed his back encouragingly.
"It's your wedding day, you're not allowed to mope by yourself. I'm sure your beautiful bride is looking for you."
:::
"Do you think your uncle would have approved of me?" Cherry asked.
Dorcas looked up from the cherub face of baby Joy asleep in her arms and followed Cherry's eyes to where Jonas stood with the Minister talking to his father's portrait.
Someone had found an easel to prop Lysander up on. A steady stream of guests had stopped to converse with him throughout the day.
Dorcas prayed that her uncle was saying kind things about Jonas just now.
It was a complicated thing to categorize Jonas's relationship with Lysander. Dorcas felt the pressure that father had placed on son the moment she'd come to stay with them in the summer of 1940. The balance he had to strike between the expectation of the family name and the freedom he'd wanted to give his son to find his own way. Something that Lysander had never been afforded by his own father.
"Cherry, you are wildly beyond any expectations that Jonas's father had for him."
Dorcas was confident that Lysander would heartily approve. She felt that pang that had been with her all day. She wished he was here.
The portrait was a nice stand-in. But it was a ghost of the man himself. An imprint of the patriarch that was dominating and doting at the same time.
She knew how her mother's absence had dampened her own wedding day and knew Jonas was feeling the same way.
Anneliese laughed at Dorcas's assessment. "What does that mean? He didn't think Jonas would ever find someone?"
"I think Jonas was resigned to his father's choosing someone for him one day. It's the way things have always been done in the Rackharrow family," Dorcas explained. "It would have been a consideration of bloodlines and assets. Not of love. Jonas's own parents had only known each other for two weeks before their engagement. My Aunt Eden was selected by my grandfather for my uncle."
Anneliese raised her eyebrows. "Two weeks!" she gasped.
"And was your father chosen for your mother?" Cherry asked.
Dorcas laughed loudly at the thought.
"No. My mother left home right after she finished school and married my father in spite of her father's wishes."
"That's romantic," Anneliese sighed.
"What about you?" Cherry asked, lifting a champagne flute to her lips. "Would your uncle have chosen a husband for you if Cal hadn't knocked you up?"
Dorcas felt her cheeks heat at the question.
"Maybe."
"I think you chose the perfect man for yourself, Dory!" Anneliese said, reaching over and rubbing Dorcas's arm. "You didn't have to get into difficulty to get him to propose. He would have fallen all over himself for the opportunity even without the baby."
Dorcas smiled and returned her eyes to the sleeping infant in her arms. The conversation was winding down an uncomfortable path.
Her stomach squirmed uncomfortably to hear her friends speak about Cal getting her pregnant all of those years ago. It pained her that there would always be this secret and others between her and her closest girlfriends. But very few people knew the truth. It was, of course, something she and Cal had agreed upon at first to spare Dorcas the shame of becoming pregnant by a man that had rejected her soon afterward.
And then it was a secret that was upheld to protect Ryann.
"I can't wait to have kids," Cherry said wistfully. She reached over to stroke the downy hair of the sleeping toddler Dorcas cradled.
"You will make the best mother, Cherry!" Dorcas smiled.
"And Jonas will be a good dad, I think," Cherry said.
Jonas was on the dance floor with Wren in his arms. The golden-haired girl was holding him by the ears and speaking to him. He was listening intently.
Beside him, Cal was spinning Ryann on the floor.
Dorcas felt as if her heart was full to bursting.
"He absolutely will, Cherry!" Dorcas agreed.
Cherry stood with a swish of skirts and joined her husband on the floor with their youngest flower girl.
"I know things haven't been easy between us," Anneliese said when Cherry left them alone. "And I know that's my fault. I'm sorry, Dorcas."
Dorcas shrugged. Her fight with Anneliese was so long ago in her mind. So much had happened. She'd let it go because there was only so much hurt she could hold onto.
"It's water under the bridge, Anne."
"No, Dorcas! Don't dismiss it like that. I want to say this!"
Dorcas turned away from her family on the dance floor and looked at her friend.
"I'm sorry, sweetie. Go ahead."
Anneliese moved to Cherry's vacated chair.
"You have had a difficult year. I have tried to help you in the limited way I am able."
Dorcas opened her mouth to object to the word "limited".
Anneliese held up a hand to stop her.
"I'm not a gifted spell caster or a genius with potions. I'm not some talented healer like you or Cal. I can cook and clean and mind children. That's what I did for you when you were in the hospital. And Cal asked me to continue to look after Wren when you came home. I know now that it was wrong of me to stop you from taking your own child home with you when you wanted to. I was just trying to keep her safe."
"I know, Anne. It's okay. Like I said, water under the bridge."
"Really?" Anneliese sighed and her shoulders sagged. "I thought you were still angry at me."
"I was for a time. But it was misplaced anger. I think I was angry at myself for my inability to cope better. You were right to want to keep Wren from me. I had taken some strong medications and potions to deal with the death of my son. But it's getting better. I am getting better."
Dorcas wished she believed what she was telling Anneliese. But she knew the words didn't quite reach the truth.
"I'm so glad to hear that. I am here for anything you need. I'll mind your girls when you need me to. Pick Wren up from school. You'll be getting back to work soon, right? And your practice?"
Dorcas inhaled sharply.
"I'm not sure when I'll go back. If I'll go back, Anne."
"But that's a shame! You are so good at helping people."
"But I can't help other people until I help myself."
Dorcas felt a lump forming in her throat. She wondered if she would ever again have the life she once had.
:::
As the sun's rays began to weaken and fade, Dorcas approached her uncle's portrait.
"Having fun, uncle?"
"More than any painting has a right to! You were a darling to think of your poor old uncle."
"You were missed today. I missed you."
"Bless you, dearheart! I miss you too!"
Dorcas crossed her arms in front of her. It was getting colder. She wondered if the Printemps Spell was finally wearing off.
"They look happy, don't they?" she asked, nodding her head in the direction of Jonas and Cherry swaying in each other's arms on the dance floor.
"Jubilant! I am brimming with pride for my boy. It seems he's made a success out of his life despite me."
"What do you mean, Uncle?"
"I wasn't always a supportive father. I'd been raised to think of the family name first and my own wants and desires second. My father drilled legacy into me. It cost me the relationships of my siblings. I treated Jonas the same way my father treated me before I was even aware of how much I began to sound like him and act like him."
"Jonas knows you loved him," insisted Dorcas.
"And Gemma. I wish I'd taken more of a role in guiding her. I left her with her mother too much."
Dorcas wouldn't argue with that one.
"Would you listen to me! Too sentimental in my old age. Suppose I've had a little too much fresh air today!"
"Would you like for me to return you to the library, Uncle?"
"I think I would. Thank you, Dorcas."
She scanned the dance floor and found Ryann dancing with a boy she didn't know. Cal was seated with Anneliese and Beau, Wren's head lolling on his shoulder as she slept.
"Of course, Uncle," she said, lifting his heavy frame from the easel and carefully picking her way up the veranda's steps and into the house.
She grunted as that strange stitch in her side returned. It wasn't from racing up the stairs in the library as she'd done earlier that day. It was a curious throbbing that settled over her right pelvic bone.
Lysander looked up at her face.
"Whatever is the matter, dearest?"
"I have this funny cramp in my side. You're heavier than you look!"
"Get one of the staff to do it."
Dorcas shook her head, stubbornly hoisting him again in her arms and completing the journey to the library balcony.
"There. Safe and sound!" she pronounced, placing her hands on her hips.
Lysander furrowed his brow and studied her. "My dear, are you sure–"
But whatever her uncle was going to say to her was interrupted as the wall of windows to her left blew out of their frames, spraying her with glass.
Dorcas covered her face with her arms and ducked, but too late to be spared from the blast completely.
She felt the sting on the back of her arm where a shard must have sliced her. Several smaller cuts dotted her forearms and shoulders. Some fine splinters were still lodged in her skin.
"Dorcas! Are you hurt? What the devil has happened?"
"I don't know, Uncle," Dorcas answered in a trembling voice as she crept closer to the shattered windows, cold wind howling through the empty frames.
She closed her eyes and reached with her consciousness for anyone in the gardens below that might have insight into what had just caused the blast.
Gasping, Dorcas's eyes snapped open once more.
"Uncle, can you get to your portrait in the Ministry and raise the alarm? I think Blackpool is under attack!"