Trigger Warning: some disturbing sexual details that might disgust some of you or make you uncomfortable.
The two mothers stood behind the wooden table as everybody sang the birthday song. Three tier light beige fondant cake stood high in the middle of the table as the two one-year-old babies stood next to it supported by their mothers. Rose clapped and squealed and Sara held her back as she stared at the people singing for her while Scarlet frowned with eyes watering as Tegan did her best to stop her from moving. Both girls wore identical beige tulle dresses that their grandmother Evelyn had bought them. Since they had worn different dresses brought by Sonia the day before in their baptism, the common sense was to please the other grandmother.
The birthday party was hosted at Sara's because the dinner after the baptism was hosted at Stacy's considering she was the godmother of the two children.
A huge argument happened regarding that. Sara and Tegan agreed upon choosing one godparent for the two. They wanted it to be Adam because he was their biological parent. Stacy took offense and sulked for days. When Sara narrated the argument to Evelyn, the mother informed her that she had to choose more than one godparent because they were two and it really depended on the church. While Tegan did not care and did not understand any of that, Sara researched and ended up with the decision of choosing two godparents: Stacy and Adam.
Though it wasn't a holiday everyone managed to attend, even Evelyn's girlfriend who was too polite and awkward to engage in any conversation except with her partner and with Sara.
Tegan and Sara ended up blowing the huge candle with Rose attempting to imitate as everyone cheered and clapped. Scarlet screeched in tears and turned around, throwing herself at her mother immediately. Tegan picked her up and rocked her gently, kissing her forehead with soft laughter as her other mother inspected and checked if anything was wrong.
"It's the noises," Tegan suggested to everyone. "The loud noises scared her. She thinks we'll dip her in water like we did yesterday." She kissed her head again. "My poor baby, we won't do this again."
But Scarlet was always like that; she was her mother's little girl. Those months showed an immense distinction as the girls began teething and mumbling words their mothers would say. Scarlet's first words were "No, no, no," and they were the ones she always used when she objected since Tegan always said the three no's when her child attempted funny business around the place. Rose's first word was "up" when she wanted her mother to get her out of her chair and put her on the floor. Whenever both mothers did that, they asked, "Up?" and then picked up their kids and put them on the floor.
Despite the doctors saying Rose might be slower when it came to speech and movement, she proved the opposite. Rose said more words and amongst them a long "meee" which indicated "mommy" the way Sara pronounced it with a musical ring around her kids. Rose clapped and waved and said "hey," too, which was impressive according to Stacy. She was able to support herself with a couch or a table while standing like her sister.
Scarlet, however, was slower when it came to speech and more timid and shy. She often hid in her mother's bosom whenever they were out and people began to inspect they were twins. While Rose admired the attention, laughed and smiled and clapped, Scarlet would scowl and hide. Tegan was always her protective shield which made the mother even more attached to her than it was possible despite her earlier focus on Rose due to the surgery. Sara couldn't help but find herself giving more attention to Rose to overcompensate.
Evelyn and Sonia helped cut the cake while the two mothers carried the two girls and Tegan continued calming the older twin down.
"Give her to me," Stephen said to his daughter.
"Wanna go to papa?" Tegan had decided the girls should call him that and Sara didn't mind it. "Wanna go play with him?" Scarlet had shown adoration towards her grandfather unlike her grandmother. As for Evelyn, Scarlet didn't remember her at first, but two days later, she crawled behind her and demanded to be picked up by her. Stephen and Evelyn were her favorite people while she hated Sonia and Evelyn's partner.
Rose, on the other hand, loved everyone but she favored Adam and Stacy the most. She always put her head on Stacy's chest and pulled her arms up when she saw her. Perhaps because Stacy was playful with her unlike her sister whom Stacy just couldn't bear hold for two minutes. Adam was also nice to the two girls and they both giggled when he made them laugh, but Rose showed special love for him.
Scarlet pushed her head deeper in her mother's chest and patted where her breast was tucked inside a black button up. Tegan sighed loudly and looked at her father in defeat. He understood what happened and nodded. He knew his daughter was about to cry but he didn't say anything.
"I'll give you boobie later," Tegan whispered. "When we go to bed, honey. Now let's have some cake." Scarlet whimpered and cried. Emy walked up to examine and see what was wrong. "I didn't feed her this morning," Tegan said. "I didn't have time and now she remembered and wants me to do so."
"Okay, let me try." Emy held her cake plate up for Scarlet to look at but the baby buried her entire face in her mother's chest and cried the loudest she could.
"What's going on with her?" Sonia asked loudly. Everyone was staring and Sara knew why. She was just sick of how demanding that child was.
"I'll be right back," Tegan said calmly despite the rage in her system. "I'll try to calm her down."
She went upstairs with the baby. Sara and Stacy exchanged knowing looks until Sara sighed and distracted herself by feeding her other daughter some cake.
"Do you want me to help while you check on her?" Adam asked softly. He sat next to his cousin and looked at the baby that took most of his features. Sara shook her head with a smile.
"She's nursing the other one. She'll be right back."
"Oh."
She hated people's reactions when she told them her wife was breastfeeding one of the babies. It's like nobody accepted it. Her mother's girlfriend had the same reaction. She even raised her brow when Tegan excused herself to feed her babies at night. The couple was staying at their place and it was Tegan's idea, which she regretted later because Evelyn's partner was a little bit high maintenance and Scarlet didn't feel comfortable around her.
…
A moment later, Tegan found Stacy next to her on the couch, a drink in hand and a loud sigh escaping her mouth.
"Shhh," Tegan said. She took a look at the older woman getting herself rid of her high heels and shook her head. Why did women put themselves through that? She was tall anyway. She didn't even need it.
"You're getting her to sleep?" Tegan shook her head. "Then why shushing me?"
"I don't want her to get distracted and sit up to watch the conversation. She tends to do that." Stacy laughed. "I'm not joking. And then she stays hungry and embarrasses me in front of people again."
"If anyone's giving you shit about breastfeeding, they need to shut up. Most women breastfeed till the kid is two."
"Right?" Tegan shook her head. "I don't know why it bothers them when I'm okay with it. Like it annoys the shit out of me, but them getting their sustenance is more important." Stacy smiled widely. Her eyes were about to close and her hand was on her lower abdomen where a small pouch was there. "You're menstruating?"
"No," whispered the woman and closed her eyes slightly. "I'm just tired."
"It's the bloating I'm asking about." Stacy's eyes opened. Maybe she shouldn't have said that. Why did she say that? That wasn't supposed to be said. What was wrong with her? "Sorry, I didn't mean to."
Stacy chuckled. "This?" She squeezed her little tummy and laughed again. "That's my postpartum weight that has never gone away." Tegan wrinkled her brows. How come? She had lost all the weight. She looked even thinner than before. Breastfeeding made her lose so much weight. "It's different for each woman. Though I didn't have a cesarean, I still have some of that weight. I guess smoking and drinking has something to do with it. Also birth control right after, depression, no fitness."
"Man, our bodies get destroyed after and yet we just…" She paused and looked down at her child. "We just love them and forget they caused us this pain."
"Yeah…it's the miracle of motherhood." She yawned again.
"What is?" Sara said from her place on top of the stairs with Rose in her arms.
"Why are you here? You can't leave our guests alone?" Tegan whispered. Scarlet was getting full.
"She stinks. I gotta change for her." Tegan nodded. "Stace, why are you here?"
"My body's gonna kill me, Sar. I need some rest. What's Em doing?"
"Chatting with Stevie. She felt bad for her sitting alone without anyone her age." Scarlet sat up, wiped her eyes then sneezed.
"Bless you," mumbled her mother with a kiss over head. Rose was waving at her mother. "Hi, Rosie." Scarlet turned immediately to look at her sister. She began waving, too, making everyone laugh. "Can you change for this one, too?"
"Sure, I'll be right back."
"Can I just fall asleep on your couch?" Stacy yawned and rested her whole body there. "I don't know what's happening to me."
"You hosted yesterday's dinner, you had work today, you've been wearing those heels for the past hour. It's natural."
"It's Ella, too." Stacy huffed. "I bathed her, got her a haircut, and then I ran around after her. Someone has to play with her and Emy can't even walk properly still."
"You're such a good mother," Tegan said fascinatingly. "With everything you've been through…and, like, she's an accident…and all…I just…I admire you." Stacy smiled proudly.
"You're a good mother, too," Stacy said. "A powerful one."
Tegan mumbled a thank you upon Sara's return.
"What's the secret motherhood talk," Sara asked genuinely. "Whenever I come, you guys stop it."
Knowing how sensitive Sara was regarding that topic, Stacy decided to tell her. She didn't want her to feel outcast or excluded. "She asked why I look so bloated and I told her it's postpartum weight that hasn't ever gone and I was talking about the things that happen to the body after birth…the permanent changes that have suck yet we accept them and are okay with them when we stare at our creations and just forget about those bodily changes." Sara nodded and Stacy pursed her lips awkwardly.
"Yeah…" Sara paused and thought. "Or when your body just completely changes for nothing…" She chuckled bitterly.
"It's not for nothing," Tegan whispered. "You have two beautiful babies." Sara smiled embarrassingly.
"Yeah," she said. "I know."
"Yeah, okay, one of those things I hate is the fucking pissing every other hour or when I laugh so excuse me or I'll just do that here." Stacy got up and put her feet in her shoes, quickly walking to the bathroom.
…
Downstairs everyone was busy with everyone else. Evelyn and her girlfriend talked to each other. Sonia and Stevie's mother chatted while their husbands did the same thing. Jack and Dana occupied a corner as Emy and Stevie just chatted because no other option was left. Tegan was so busy with her children while Sara, Stacy, and Adam whispered and talked. Ella and Dana's kid played while the twins sat on the floor and faced their mother who was seated on the couch hoping and waiting for the guests to go away.
"Baby," Dana's daughter pointed at the twins when her mother noticed her presence in the room.
"Yeah, these are babies," Dana said. The people sitting close by noticed: Emy, Stevie, Tegan, Sara, Adam, Jack, and Stacy.
"Baby," she said again with a squeal. The crows laughed.
"She gets excited when she sees children." The toddler stood up and walked to the twins occupied with their toys. She picked up the yellow car next to Rose. Rose lifted her hand up but the toddler couldn't understand her plea. "Sammy," her mother said. "Give…" Rose's cries immediately commenced.
"It's fi…" Tegan interrupted herself when Scarlet reached for her sister's pacifier and put it in her mouth. Rose calmed down immediately and sucked on the distracting object. Tegan and Sara's eyes widened in shock. They exchanged amused looks. "That's adorable," Dana commented.
Scarlet pointed at her sister as she directed a very distorted, meaningless dialogue towards her mother.
"That's right," Tegan said, pretending to have understood. "You're such a smart girl, making your sister calm down."
"She literally made her shut up," Stacy said with a chuckle. Scarlet continued mumbling. "She really is smart."
"Yeah," both Sara and Adam said simultaneously and with the same tone. It freaked Tegan out when they did that and it happened too often that at some point she had a theory Adam was Sara's twin but Evelyn didn't tell them.
They were just the same person.
The babies fell asleep an hour after. Tegan changed their clothes and tucked them in. When she made sure they were safe and sound, she left the room. Downstairs only Stacy, Emy, her parents and Sara's mother and her partner were around. Sonia and Evelyn were quietly cleaning up while her father and Sara just chatted softly. Lydia sat on her own as awkwardly as ever, Stacy stared at her phone with visible concern and Emy held Stacy's sleeping kid in her arms.
"I'll be right back," Stacy whispered. She excused herself quietly but both Sara and Tegan noticed the hurried walk upstairs and the struggle to run away. A look was exchanged and Sara understood Tegan's gesture. She excused herself and chased the running woman. Emy's brow was furrowed. Evelyn noticed the strange atmosphere as she added food to a Tupperware.
"I think you should take some, Sonia," she said dismissively. "Their fridge won't fit all that."
"Neither the hotel's," Sonia said. "Why'd you cook so much?" she asked, scooping more pasta into the large container. "This food can feed an army."
"I don't know," she said with face red and a demeanor weak and defeated. Tegan noticed her mother's usual attacking mode on and she wanted to warn her because Evelyn was as sensitive as her wife and she knew the woman was internally rebuking herself.
"She always cooks way too much," her partner said. "She thinks food wouldn't be enough. When my daughter visited, she just made three main courses for the three of us." Evelyn's brow was full of sweat and her eyes glistened. Tegan felt so bad.
"It's fine," she said to save the woman from her misery. Nobody understood the silent panicking except her because her wife was just a copy of her mother. "It won't go to waste. I think we're all too tired to cook for the rest of the week. We can just have the leftovers," Tegan said with a smile.
"Yeah," Sonia agreed. "But you guys know your dad and I are inviting you to dinner tomorrow? And, of course, Evelyn and Lydia you're invited. It's a family thing. We wanna get to know you."
"Yeah, Tegan said so," Evelyn whispered. "Thank you," she pronounced politely.
Sara knocked on the bathroom's door after making sure which bathroom Stacy had hid inside. "Are you okay?"
No answer. She heard sniffling.
"Honey, what's going on?" she asked calmly and sweetly. They used 'honey' for each other and Stacy used it for Tegan, too. It was endearing. "Can I come in?"
Only cries. No answers.
"I am going to come in," Sara announced with a drumming heart. She pushed the door slightly and stepped inside. Her best friend sat on the closed toilet seat, phone in hand and tears streaming down her face. "Stacy?"
"He wants to see Ella," Stacy said the moment she looked up. A sniffle followed as a weeping sound escaped her throat. "He hasn't stopped texting me since two days ago and I tried to ignore him but he continued and he called and he's begging…he's not even being mean or threatening about it."
"Tony?" Stacy nodded with more tears. "Oh, honey." Sara walked up to her. She put both hands on both arms and squeezed. "Why now?"
"He says he's been to therapy and he's got his life back together. He hasn't had a drink for the past year and he's sober and clean and he's been going to AA…and he's now allowed to see her. It's in fact healthier if he does according to him." Stacy wiped her tears. "But I'm not ready to have that talk with her…"
"It's his right to see her," Sara said. "You will be there, too." Stacy nodded. "Why are you scared? Her father should be in her life. You can't keep him away from her forever."
"He'll disappoint, I know it." Stacy took a deep breath. "She'll be devastated. She won't take it. She's my kid and I know her. She's maybe young, but she's so smart and also so sensitive." Maybe Stacy exaggerated, maybe Ella was like that, or maybe it was a mother's instinct which Sara lacked. She couldn't read her babies like that. Tegan, sometimes, could tell when one was upset or annoyed by the look on their tiny faces. She couldn't. They were babies; it was impossible. But maybe it wasn't and she was just not their mother so she didn't know. "Ella's my whole world, Sara. If something happens to her, I'll lose it. If somebody hurts her, I'll fucking claw them. You don't get it…she's my entire life. She's literally the reason I am alive." Her eyes were big and blue and frightening. Sara nodded.
Maybe that was possessiveness. Maybe that was just Stacy.
"I understand, honey." She gave her a quick hug. "That's why you need to think of it well. The past two days have been tiring for you. I want you to go home, try to get some sleep, and do some thinking tomorrow." Stacy nodded. "You should also probably meet him before they two meet."
"Of course," said the crying woman. "I guess…my physical pain and my exhaustion and then this…all together are just too much."
"Physical pain?" Sara asked.
"Yeah, I'm just tired. Didn't get much sleep last night and work…" Stacy was interrupted by her best friend's hand on the spot she hated the most in her body. Sara rubbed at the old hip wound. Sara knew memories were acting up.
"You're going to be fine. Wash your face and let me drive you and Emy home."
Emy was terribly concerned when Sara rushed downstairs before her best friend and asked her mother to use her car to drive Sonia and Stephen to the hotel while she took Stacy's car to drive her and her partner home. "I need you to pick me up from Stacy's after."
"But what's wrong? Is she okay?" Sara nodded at asking Emy with a pale face.
"She's just a little bit tired. She'll tell you, but don't worry. I just offered driving because she can barely carry herself."
Tegan stared silently with a mouth partially opened. She could tell Stacy was not herself. The way she slouched on the couch, the way she just sighed and closed her eyes. Plus, the night before must have been so tiring. Tegan didn't know why she insisted having that many people over.
Stacy walked down with a fresh face but red eyes. She refused showing weakness in front of people yet everyone could tell she had been crying. "Sorry about that," she said after clearing her throat. "My headache is just killing me and I felt a little bit nauseous so I had to go upstairs. I'm just a little bit dizzy."
Emy walked up to her to hold her hand. Stacy grabbed it and squeezed. They smiled at one another while Sara wore her coat and grabbed her wallet. "Ready?" she asked.
"Yeah," Stacy whispered. "Thank you."
"Shut up," Sara said with a chuckle. "Mum, you're ready?"
"Yeah, I need your car keys."
"Oh, yeah." She reached for them in the small plate next to the door and handed them to her mother. "You know where Stacy's place is, right?" Evelyn nodded.
Sara drove silently while her best friend wept with inaudible softness in the front seat. Emy sat back with sleeping Ella resting her head on her lap. She was confounded and worried.
"Can you please tell me what's wrong?" she whispered. Stacy's cries grew louder and Sara's frown increased. "Please."
"Tony…Ella's father…" Sara stopped herself when Emy's eyes widened. "He texted her…he wants to see Ella." Sara truly hoped Ella was asleep and wasn't pretending. "And I guess you know how it is for her." She gestured at the crying woman. "It's not easy."
"No," Emy whispered again and she, too, frowned. "I'm sorry," she said to her partner. She reached a hand for her shoulder and squeezed. She wasn't so good with making people feel better. She was awkward and she hated looking stupid. She didn't know what to do and what to say. Stacy smiled at her through the rearview mirror despite her tears and she smiled back. It was a thankful smile. She wished she was able to show more emotions.
Sara carried Ella up to her bedroom because neither of the women could. She went back to the bedroom and found Stacy on the mattress with her dress and shoes on, crying on her pillow with Emy by her side, stroking her hair.
"Let it out, but don't do this to yourself," she said and fished through her closet for pajamas. When she noticed Emy staring, she realized it wasn't her best friend's closet alone, but it was her partner's, too. "I'm so sorry…it's a force of habit."
"It's fine," Emy said, but she was clearly embarrassed.
Sara walked up to her friend and sat on the edge of the mattress. She removed her high heels and forced her to sit up while Emy just watched. "Get me her makeup remover," Sara whispered. She started to remove the bobby pins from her hair while the other woman hiccupped. "You're a person who always advises therapy yet look at you." She wiped the tears with her finger then proceeded to unzip her dress from behind. "One short text message opened up wounds you thought you never had."
Emy appeared with a piece of cotton and her partner's makeup remover. She added some on the dry cotton as she watched Sara undress the woman, marveling at the strong connection and trust between the two. She used to have that with Tegan…it wasn't that strong but they had a special bond despite everything. Though they were very close once again now, it was still never the same before Sara.
Maybe it was Sara…that magic…that motherly instinct she had. Emy wanted to chuckle to herself. Sara had a motherly instinct towards everyone except her own little kids. Everyone could notice Sara wasn't the best out there. She tried, but she was just not who they thought she would be.
"Your trauma has been triggered, honey." Sara helped her take off her bra, too. It was so casual and normal and Stacy didn't flinch not hesitate. Emy's cheeks were red with heat but Sara didn't care. She didn't even look. She was too busy putting her pajama shirt on and lecturing her. "I think you should talk about it. Maybe you should also take a day off…rest a little bit." Stacy nodded. "Sleep." Stacy put her body down and pulled her pajama pants up after Sara helped her with it. Sara covered her and Emy stroked her hair again. A kiss was placed on her brow when she closed her eyes. "It's going to be alright. He's not in your life anymore. He won't take her from you."
...
Sara's feet were sore when she entered her bedroom after filling her mother in on Stacy's emotional outburst and saying goodnight to her. She yawned the moment she closed her door. Half of her wife's body was on the mattress with her feet on the floor. "Hey," she greeted.
"Hi." Tegan sat up. "What happened?" Tegan yawned when Sara yawned. "Is she okay?"
"Yeah, yeah." Sara yawned a third time. She couldn't keep her eyes open. She began discarding her clothes off as fast as she could. "Her ex-husband wants to meet Ella."
"Oh, my God." Sara nodded and pulled her grey trousers down. "But isn't he…"
"He says he's sober and has gotten therapy and he's serious about it." Sara shrugged and took her shirt off. "It was bound to happen." She reached for her bra in the back and unhooked it. "She just thinks he's going to hurt Ella's feelings eventually. She'll calm down. It's just…kinda traumatic fo…" She noticed her wife staring at her semi-nudity. She looked down at her breasts and couldn't understand the problem. She could feel her face heat up. "Why are you staring?" She felt so insecure. She began covering herself.
"Can you stay like this?" Tegan asked hesitantly.
"This?" Sara pointed at herself and her wife nodded. "I'm tired, Tegan."
"It's very quick…it's for me. Just lie down here…I'm begging you." Tegan stood up in a quick motion and pulled her wife's hand toward the mattress.
Her hazel eyes stared in utter bewilderment as her wife pulled down her pajama pants with her underwear and exposed what Sara hadn't seen since ever. The last time they had engaged in a sexual activity was on Valentine's Day and they had been too drunk to remember it. They made out once and almost moved all the way to finally fuck but Rose screeched in her crib and they were both horrified. They thought something had happened. They kept examining her and took her to the doctor who discovered she'd probably had a nightmare.
Sara hadn't known babies could have nightmares but they did. Sara wondered if it was related to her surgery. Maybe it was something less complicated, maybe her daughter needed comfort—Sara blinked when she realized Tegan was playing with her nipples with a hand and with her own sweet little clit with the other. Sara squeezed her eyes shut when Tegan squeezed her right nipple. It hurt. No, it stung. She hissed again when her left one was captured.
"This kinda hurts," she whispered when she realized Tegan's touches were becoming more exploratory and harsher in nature.
Tegan didn't listen and put her lips against one of her wife's nipples and began to suck. It felt so good for Sara because it awakened her clit but those sucks were hungry and needy and too shocking for Tegan to perform so openly without the lights being closed.
"Fuck," whispered Tegan so gently when she came. It was so soft and sweet. So fast, too. Sara could never cum that quickly. She stood up with a smile and a bright sunny glow on her face. Sara smiled, too, but she was immediately pushed back on the soft mattress.
"Tegan," Sara screeched with laughter. "No," she said with a quieter voice so her mother and the partner wouldn't hear. "I'm tired, please."
"I just wanna play with your body a little." Her underwear was pulled down so quickly and so efficiently. She parted her legs and let the air bring about her strong smell. Tegan inhaled before biting into her clit without warning, without foreplay—with confusion and lust.
"I'm not wet. Don't push in," Sara had to say. She took a deep breath as she looked down with her wife's transparent spheres ogling her.
What Tegan did made her feel strange...uncomfortable? Yes, uncomfortable. She returned to her breasts and twisted her nipples till they ached. She licked between her breasts and squeezed them, earning a gasp from the older woman and responding to it with a mischievous giggle.
She also dragged her index down so slowly which, in all honestly, made Sara's clit beg for attention. Once her finger dangled itself in the pubes, she pinched and dragged it further down. Her clit was pushed like a button. She gasped again. Tegan inspected the hole with the same index where saturation had begun to form. She tickled the entrance but didn't push in. She touched the two inner lips and rubbed them together. It made Sara blush heavily
What was she doing? It felt like her children inspecting her facial features except it was her wife and she was inspecting every inch of her body…just playing.
A finger was pushed with ease. Tegan kept it there, feeling the warmth. "I wanna fuck you between your tits." Sara's eyes widened. "Please."
"Oh…kay." Tegan grinned and pulled her finger out. She walked to the closet and returned a minute after strapped and fully naked.
"Sit up." Sara did as requested and took a deep breath. "Hold them together and come closer to me."
She must have seen this in porn, Sara thought. The porn she watches…the porn she's addicted to.
When she filled the blue phallus with lube and pushed, her face was full of wonder, too. Sara couldn't get her eyes off her. Those features were different and not shy anymore…just surprised and full of wonder.
But it was so awkward…God. Sara looked down at her wife's breasts instead. She waited till Tegan fulfilled her fantasy with groans that Sara wondered about their authenticity.
When she was done, she pushed Sara's body on the mattress once again. She, herself, didn't know what she was doing or why she was doing it. She had never felt the need to know about anyone's body before but her wife's made her curious. All the curves and ridges inside the small dark hole, all the purple folds and the pointy nipples and the spongy tits—It made her want to touch and test. She had been doing it to her own body but Sara's was different. It was older, it was softer, the inside was way smaller. She pushed the dildo to test how far she could reach. Sara's face contorted with pain but she just wanted to know all these differences and learn about them. She hadn't ever noticed how Sara's vagina was much shorter than hers. When Sara told her, she couldn't see the difference, but now she did. She pulled away from her and pushed two digits in again to inspect. Sara was telling her to stop but she begged to stay and examine.
"Please, stop, Tegan," Sara said breathlessly. "It doesn't feel good." Tegan pulled away after the please. She knew it didn't feel good; she was literally giving her a vaginal exam.
But she didn't completely stop. She took a look at the clit and how prominent it was. Bigger than before but smaller than hers. She had a big clit, Sara once told her. She hated that. She squeezed Sara's with two digits, making the woman squeal and push her head back. Her legs shook once Tegan pressed on the hood and then slapped so loudly Sara had to let out a sonorous screech.
Her mother probably heard. And her mother's girlfriend.
"Can you pee?" she asked.
Why did she ask this? What was wrong with her? Sara squinted at her.
"I wanna watch you pee…I wanna rub you while you…"
"You've been watching too much porn," Sara said. "No." She was angry. She had angered her. Sara pushed her hand away and attempted closing her legs but she failed.
Not again. She sucked in her breath and cursed under her breath.
"At least let me make you cum," Tegan said.
"I don't think I can." Tegan pushed a finger inside again and began pulling in and out. "What's wrong with you?" Sara exclaimed. "Can you stop?"
"But you're wet."
"I'm also tired and my hips are on fire." Tegan pulled away again. She stood up angrily and pulled both Sara's legs down, making her cry in pain. "I am speechless with you," Sara yelled as she watched her wife walk away to the bathroom.
"Fuck you," Tegan said and slammed the door.
She hit the wall in frustration. Why did she say that? God, she hated everything about…everything…yes. She just wanted…what did she even want? She unstrapped herself and got herself off one more time but with the dildo. It calmed her down a little bit but she didn't want to leave the bathroom and meet Sara. She had to, though.
Sara responded to her mother's concerned text message with a lie that her hips were in pain and Tegan was trying to give her a massage. She knew her mother didn't buy the lie. She put her phone down, pulled the covers over her body and closed her eyes. Her head throbbed and her body ached…every part of it—inside and outside.
When Tegan left the bathroom she called her name three times to go to the bathroom and wash up.
"Let me sleep," she finally responded after Tegan's third call. "I have work in the morning."
"You'll stain the pillows with your makeup and I changed them today."
"I'm not talking to you so don't talk to me and let me sleep."
"Ugh." Tegan rolled her eyes and pushed her body down under the covers. "Okay, fine, just piss yourself in the middle of the night then." Sara didn't respond. Tegan groaned one last time and switched off her night lamp.
The continuous chirps of the birds alongside her kids' mumbling and soft humming woke her up in the morning. She opened her eyes slowly to find Rose's small feet right next to her face. She looked up at the seated baby staring at a small toy in her hands. Her chubby cheeks and double chin flopped as she stared down at the green object. Next to the baby was her mother who was breastfeeding the other twin.
Sara reached for her phone to check the time. It was barely six in the morning. She could sleep for two more hours but her nudity and the uncomfortable feeling between her legs discouraged her. She attempted pushing herself up with a loud groan. Scarlet unlatched and looked up at her mother and Rose left the toy and lifted her had up. Tegan looked at her, too: with her fresh morning face, her innocent features, her relaxed brows, and the beauty Sara couldn't ever resist. She wished she looked that young and that beautiful.
"Beeeees," Rose squealed with a wave. "Beeees."
"No, her boobies don't have what you need. You'll get your meal in a bit," Tegan said with a smile.
Her daughter kept waving at her other mother whose face with too distorted with pain to lift the duvet up and cover herself. She tried her best to push her body to do what she needed until she was able to fully sit up and feel the burn deep in her insides. Fucking Tegan. She hissed when she stood up. Every little burn hurt her. She just wanted to cover herself but she barely could. She limped embarrassingly to the bathroom watching Tegan watch her. None of them said anything to the other. Not even a good morning.
She drew a bath and tried to relax in the warm water, listening to her wife's and kids' voices from outside. Tegan was speaking to them. They were mumbling and giggling like they usually did in the early morning. Sometimes she woke up and played with one while Tegan fed the other until it was time for her to get ready to go to work, but most times she slept in until Tegan forcefully woke her up so she wouldn't be late. She would nap after as well. When she woke up, she would play with the kids a little bit until Tegan would put them to bed. Sometimes, she didn't even play with them because she would wake up at eight and that was their bedtime. She felt like a bad mother most of the times but she was also exhausted and tired with everything around her and everyone.
When she left the bathroom, the sheets were changed and the bed was made. Tegan had picked clothes for her and put them on the mattress. She was plucking her eyebrows while standing in front of the long mirror. The two babies crawled around her feet. Sara knew Tegan was trying to get her to talk to her but she wasn't going to give up that time. She was pissed at her wife's strange behavior and she was in so much pain. She walked up to the closet and wore fresh sweats. She got back to bed and hid under the covers. She grabbed her phone and texted Jack she was not going to make it because every inch in her body was screaming. He would understand because he was there the night before and she was just tired.
"Aren't you going to work?" Tegan finally asked, staring back at her. The two girls stared the way their mother did.
"No," Sara simply said.
"Your hips?"
"Yes," Sara said again. Tegan sighed and walked up to the mattress, sitting down. The twins followed like little ducks.
"I Googled what's happening to you," Tegan said but Sara didn't satisfy her with a reaction. She just watched as Scarlet pushed her body up and used the mattress for leverage to stand. Rose was trying to copy her but movement was still slower than her sister's even though, before the surgery, Rose was much faster. "You have a traumatic reaction against this position…when you open your legs and your trauma has been triggered, your mind basically subconsciously reminds you of the time you were trying to give birth to Alice…and, like, it didn't happen so they had to switch to Cesarean. That pain comes back to you and it's mostly psychological because your trauma has altrady been triggered."
"You got all that from Google?" Tegan nodded. She lifted Rose up to get her to stand next to her sister and stop the whining resulting from failed attempts to stand up. "But why would my trauma be triggered?"
"I don't know." Tegan shrugged. "Something is triggering it. It's been happening in the last three times we've tried to have sex in the past two months."
Sara sighed.
Tegan thought about it as well. Maybe it was the pressure Sara put herself in to cum quickly. Maybe it was something else. Maybe Sara was just old.
"I'm sorry about last night," Tegan said. "I was just…discovering." Sara nodded again.
"My advice to you is to stop watching the porn you watch. I wasn't sure whether you were trying some edging on me, you have some fetishes, or you're into BDSM…but it was all wrong." Tegan nodded quickly with a red face. "There's nothing wrong with discovering, but, honestly, what happened last night was just terrible. I told you to stop many times and you never did."
"I'm sorry," Tegan repeated it. Sara nodded again. "I'll get you your breakfast here but…I…"
"Yeah?"
"Your mom, Lydia, and my parents are going out for breakfast and then they're doing some shopping and I really wanna go."
"Okay?" Sara knew about this. She didn't understand why Tegan was taking permission.
"The kids are supposed to come with us but since you're home, can you…please…" Sara sighed. "Please…this is like the only time I can just go out and not feel like I have to worry about the three of us."
"Fine. I'll babysit." Sara shrugged. "Just prepare their food because I can barely move." Tegan nodded and leaned in to kiss her wife's forehead.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome," Sara mumbled watching Tegan sway her hips out of the room with her little ducks following her on hands and knees.
…
Stacy woke up with more tears in her eyes. Emy rubbed her arm and kissed it. When it was time for Ella to wake up, Stacy didn't want to do the morning routine.
"She has to go to kindergarten," Emy whispered, planting one more kiss on her partner's cold arm.
"I don't think I physically or mentally can deal with her or drive right now," the older woman said with a sniffle. "If you can take her, please do. If you can't, it's fine."
Emy thought for a bit. She wouldn't drive Stacy's car again no matter what. She wasn't even ready to go back to driving. She could get a Lyft or call Jeremy to do it. She hated being dependent and didn't want to show her lover that she was. She wanted Stacy to depend on her in dark times.
"I'll get her there with a Lyft and stop at the pharmacy to get you tampons."
"I'm not men…" Stacy paused. She remembered she was supposed to at any minute, which relived her a little bit to know that her body's utter fatigue was explained because she felt a fever and brokenness of bones. "Okay," she said eventually. Her girlfriend kissed her temple and got up.
"I'll get you donuts." Stacy chuckled. "I know you're like a baker and no one's sweets can match yours but I suck at baking so I'll get you the goods from a store."
"I want you to call the hospital and tell them I'm not coming. Call Matilda." Matilda was her assistant. Emy already had her number in cases of emergency.
"I will."
"I love you," Stacy called before the departure of the younger woman.
"I love you, too."
…
When Sara made sure nobody was in the house, she limped to the living room with her children following her the way they did their other mother in the morning. She closed her bedroom's door and theirs so they wouldn't disappear because she could barely stand, so she surely couldn't chase them. She grabbed the cold gel she used for her muscle aches from the mini fridge and walked up the couch. She threw her body lazily on it with the remote control in her hand. She placed the blue gel bag between her legs, letting the freezing coolness ease the burn through her yoga pants.
She squinted at the screen in a half lethargic state. Her eyes and ears were watching the kids as they decided to sit on the floor and play with their disarrayed toys. She flipped through the channels as she inspected Scarlet handing Rose one toy after the other, surprised they were finally learning to share. She truly hoped she wouldn't have to jump up from her seat to stop a potential fight. If she stood up, she would break her hip. She knew it. She also wanted to call and check on Stacy but she just didn't feel like talking. All that she could do was think about what Tegan had done to her the night before, about that animalistic instinct that she had never witnessed before, about that lusty curiosity she'd never thought she would see her wife convey, and those brutal touches which danced on a thin thread of revenge and need. Was she just angry and wanted to hurt her or she was just trying something new and couldn't perform well? Had she done that on Valentine's Day? Was that why she woke up in so much pain and shed a few drops of blood after? What was going on in Tegan's world? Why was it such a mystery? And why did it intrigue her? Why did it make her feel more attracted than ever?
Her thoughts made her close her eyes for a few seconds…or maybe minutes…maybe more? She couldn't tell. But when she opened them, she found Scarlet and Rose standing beside her, small hands on the edge of the couch as their big green eyes inspected her.
"Rosie, you stood up on your own?" she asked in bewilderment. "Or did you help her, Soosie?"
"Sieee," Scarlet said.
"Sieee," Rose repeated with a squeal. Sara laughed. "Mieee," Rose said.
"Yes," Sara answered.
"What is it, Rosie?"
"Zie?" Sara laughed.
"Yes, that's your name."
"Zie," said Scarlet.
"You two are adorable." Sara sighed and shifted. She groaned at the pain and closed her eyes for a quick second. The moment she did, she felt the wheels of the infamous toy car on her cheek. She opened her eyes to watch the blue car going down her body led by Scarlet. "No, Scar. Don't do that."
Her words were like a firing engine for Rose who got her yellow car from her overalls' front pocket and began making a street out of Sara's legs. The girls giggled and made sounds as their small cars navigated Sara's body. Tegan had taught them that and Sara hated it so much when they did it because it tickled and it was just annoying.
She sighed loudly and closed her eyes because she knew making them stop was going to release the beastly tantrums and that was the last thing she wanted.
However, unfortunately for her, the tantrum started minutes after when Scarlet's car came in contact with Rose's and the older sister pushed her twin, making her fall down. Rose's heavy cries filled the place. Sara sat up immediately, but screamed at the sudden rush of pain that hit her. Scarlet, as a result, fell down on her butt in fear with heavy cries and snot filling her face.
"No, no, no, baby, I didn't mean…"
"Sara?" called a familiar voice.
Too familiar, in fact.
"Mother?" Sara gasped. "What the…" She noticed her mother staring at the cold bag between her legs, making her push it away immediately. "I thought you're out?"
"I'm sorry. I stayed because I was worried? Tegan said you can barely walk so…"
"You stayed because I stayed with them and you wanted to see that I suck at taking care of them."
"What?" Evelyn walked closer to the crying babies and Sara seated on the couch. "Of course not." Sara chuckled. "No, Sara, why do you think so horribly of me?"
"Why didn't you tell me you're here then?" Sara yelled. "You only came when they cried."
"I didn't know you're out here," Evelyn answered firmly, her big green eyes shooting their venom towards her daughter. "Your wife said you were resting and the kids were inside with you. I didn't want to bother you."
"Bullshit," muttered Sara. And why didn't Tegan warn her? Nobody trusted her with the kids and she couldn't blame them, anyway. Her eyes were tearing up. That familiar annoying feeling of choking stopped in her throat. She pushed her head back and burst into heavy tears.
The kids were suddenly so quiet. She knew they were staring at her.
"Sara," her mother whispered, putting a hand on her knee. "My love, look at me." Her voice was so sweet and so tender. "Please look at me." Her mother was never so sweet, though. Not during those days she cried like that in front of her. "Baby?"
"Do you not trust me with them?" she asked like the pleaser she was.
"Why do you always try to prove you're the best to me?" Evelyn's question made a loud crying sound escape Sara's lungs. "What would it mean if I trust you or not?" Sara shrugged. "You think I was the perfect mother when you were around? I was the worst, Sara."
"No," Sara said. "Not like me."
"How do you know? You were shitting in your diapers and sucking my tits." Sara laughed through her tears. "Come here." She pulled her hand closer. "Put your head down on my lap and lie down." Sara hesitated for a bit. She looked down at her mother's jeans-clad lap and back at her quiet babies staring at the two. She eventually accepted the offer and put her head down. Her mother handed her the gel bag and she put it back between her legs, not caring that her mother knew the source of the pain any longer.
The babies were alerted immediately. Scarlet began to crawl towards the couch once again and her sister followed. Sara stared at them in soft silence while fresh tears ran down her cheeks. Her hair was being brushed by her mother's gentle hand.
"Oh, I don't think she's gonna let me do this to you," Evelyn said.
Indeed, Scarlet pulled herself up immediately and mumbled nonsense towards her mother and her grandmother. Rose joined her but she stared at Sara quietly with her ruby cheeks dangling like the little chipmunk she was. Scarlet screeched when Sara put her hand on her sister's face and caressed her cheek. Rose looked at her sister who was throwing a tantrum, raising her hand up, begging to join the two women on the couch.
Evelyn yielded to her cries and picked her up. The baby's cries halted immediately. She imitated her mother's seating position and put her head on her grandmother's other leg while her small body lay down on the other side which could barely fit her.
"I wonder if she thinks you're her mother, too," Sara questioned.
"No, I think she knows I am yours." Evelyn laughed a little at Rose's pouty lips, waiting to be picked up, too. "Now where would I put you, Rosie?"
"Let me get her. She loves sleeping on my chest." Sara moved her body a little bit and groaned at the pain. The baby was picked up quickly. Her feet wiggled in the air as she giggled loudly. Sara put her down on her chest where the baby put her face down, both hands wrapped around her mother's torso. "Sometimes when she doesn't sleep at night, we do that. We put her on our chests. I mostly do it and then she starts sucking my skin…my breast…not my nipple, just above…and then she falls asleep."
"Does it happen a lot?" Sara nodded. "Is it because of the heart condition?"
"I'm not sure." Sara was stroking her daughter's hair. "She's an anxious baby, her doctor told us. She wasn't like that but now she is. She gets nightmares, too."
"I think the surgery is the reason."
"But she's calm and is always nice to people. She's always smiling and happy unlike her sister."
"Well, her sister is a lot like you and Adam."
"And Tegan, really. Sonia said Tegan was always grumpy and sad when she was a baby."
"You, too," Evelyn said. "Is everything okay with you and Tegan?" Sara didn't answer. "Yesterday…" Evelyn paused.
"I'm not sure what's going on. I'm sorry you had to hear that."
"I'm sorry we're crashing over here. It's your house and your privacy," she paused and sighed, "but I am a bit concerned about the voices and the ice bag and your hip."
Sara grinned. Only because she was embarrassed. She could feel the heat in her face. "I think she's experimenting," Sara whispered. She looked up at her silent mother and gave her a lopsided smile. "When you…you first, you know…started sleeping with…a woman, did you have these urges? Like…discovering her body, touching her in places…especially that you hadn't had, like, a normal, you know, sexual experience at a young age and you just got knocked up and married."
"Well…," paused Evelyn after accentuating the last 'l.' "I suppose I am still learning and discovering." Her mother's calm face was pink with bashfulness but so peaceful Sara could stare at it all day long the way she used to when she was a young child. She wished she was that beautiful. "First time we did it was so hard for me…and for her because…it had been so long that I was basically a virgin."
"Oh, wow." Sara furrowed her brows. She could feel her daughter's heartbeat closer to her. "You really hadn't ever slept with anyone except with dad?"
Evelyn's bright green eyes dilated in a shy surprise. "Of course not." She laughed a bit.
"Not even with yourself?" Sara couldn't believe she was asking her mother that but she was internally getting a laugh out of it. Also, she was curious because she hadn't ever known her mother that way. They rarely talked about these things.
"Sara," Evelyn said with a gasp. "Behave." Sara giggled loudly. Her daughter's hand moved. She rubbed the back of the baby and kissed her head.
"Fine," Sara said with laughter residue in her voice. "I'll take that as you have tried it but you're not an expert which is fine and this is why I asked you about experimentation because I think my wife is becoming obsessed with experimenting with her own body and now mine and that's why I can't walk."
"It could be a reaction," Evelyn suggested. "After birth hormones change. It could be the reason. Also, she's young and has an activated libido. Both Lydia and I don't have that. I told you it was so hard for us during the first time. I felt bed and she did, too. I then started taking these, umm, tablets…that are vaginally inserted."
Sara wanted to sit up, but she physically couldn't. Her shock was too loud on her face. "I hate these. I heard they can be very bad for your health and cause a lot of yeast infections and I already suffer."
"They've been good for me. I insert one half an hour before we…you know and then things just work. Of course I still take my HRT, too." Sara's jaw dropped. "Why are you shocked?"
"Do you schedule your…" She giggled like a mischievous child. Her daughter sat up and smiled at her. "Hiiii." She made her sit on her stomach like she usually did so that she could play with her face.
"We're both very busy adults and without schedules we won't be able to have…a sex life. I told you scheduling is the best…"
"Mum, Tegan doesn't sleep with me." Sara chuckled. "Scheduling what exactly? She doesn't want to do it. The last time we slept together before yesterday was on Valentine's Day and we were drunk as fuck. I woke up bleeding." Her tears began to run down. "And then, yesterday, she was just…playing with my body. I don't get what's going on with her. I am tired of trying to figure it out." Her last sentence came with a heavy sob. "I pretend I'm okay but I am suffering because she is."
Her mother didn't know what to say. That misery had been well-disguised the previous three days. The first day she and her partner arrived, Sara had prepared a delicious meal. Tegan helped her in the kitchen and they both joked and interacted like nothing was wrong. That night Tegan's parents arrived. Tegan sat on her wife's lap because there was barely any space with Adam being there since he had been in Montreal a week before. The next morning during the baptism the mothers were both full of lively happiness as they played with their kids. At Stacy's place exhaustion showed on Tegan when her older daughter began whining to be fed. However, she was still laughing and smiling and so was Sara. The day before at the birthday party all was well. Some tension was notable and that due to the fact the cake wasn't what they wanted it to be. Tegan got angry at Sara messing up the order. They yelled at each other a little bit but then the younger woman apologized. Evelyn witnessed it all while cooking in Sara's kitchen. Her partner did criticize and question Sara's choice due to the apparent age gap. Evelyn couldn't say anything because she had promised she wouldn't be judgmental. And there they were, in Sara's living room with Sara crying on her lap because she was simply unhappy when that was with the person she was willing to cheat death for…and she did. She cheated death for her and there she was…crying on her mother's lap like she used to at five even though she was a thirty-seven year old woman with her two kids hovering over her.
Her cries alerted her other daughter who sat up immediately and turned around. She pointed at her mother while looking at her grandmother. "Miee…miee," she repeated.
Her sister was stunned as she stared at the tears. Her lips turned upside down in a frown.
"They're worried about you, baby," Evelyn whispered, brushing the hair off her daughter's face. "Calm down, honey. It'll be okay."
Scarlet leaned down onto her mother's face from behind and touched both of her cheeks. She was whining a little bit until she reached her aim and imitated the kiss her mother would plant on her cheek whenever she cried.
"Oh my," Evelyn said with a gasp. "Look at how much they love you." Somehow that made Sara erupt in a new wave of tears. "Why, baby? Don't be so hard on yourself."
Sara's heavy tears made Scarlet cry immediately. Watching her mother and sister cry, Rose's tears fell down her as she began to hiccup.
"Shhhh, both of you." Evelyn tsked. "It's okay, it's okay." She picked up Scarlet first and put her down on the floor, and then she picked up her sister and put her there. Their cries increased as they looked up at her standing figure. "Come here, you," she addressed her daughter, putting two hands beneath Sara's arms. Sara pulled herself up with whiny movements until she groaned loudly when her hip began to scream. "You're a mess. Let's get you to the bathroom."
She supported her body and helped her walk a little bit. She held the gel bag and put it away on the coffee table. Scarlet began to crawl after her and Rose followed immediately.
"I really need to pee," Sara said once she reached her room. It was all over the place. Evelyn was about to trip on a piece of clothing but she put her hand on the wall and supported herself. "Sorry about that."
"It's fine." She helped her daughter to the bathroom and Sara pulled her yoga pants and underwear down with one hand. "Let me help you." Evelyn pulled the clothes down and Sara sat down on the toilet. "Okay, you need new underwear." Sara looked down and spotted blood on her panties. She looked up in astonished horror at her mother. "Did it happen this morning?" She shook her head. "When was the last time you got a checkup?"
"Last month," Sara whispered, face pale as ice.
"It's probably just the penetration. Don't worry." The mother was worried. Sara could see it on her shifty eyes. "Okay, pee, and let me get you some underwear." She began walking out. Scarlet was already in the bathroom. "Come here, Scar. Let your mother pee in peace." She picked up the baby and closed the door behind.
Evelyn put Scarlet on the mattress then picked up Rose and put her there next to her sister. "Don't move." She began picking up the discarded clothes off the floor. Some were her daughter's and some were her daughter-in-law's. When her eyes glanced at pieces of undergarments, she decided to leave them there. She wasn't sure who they were for.
"Sara, where do you put your underwear?" she called from outside.
"Mum," Sara screamed in vibrating panic. "Mum, come here."
Evelyn walked in immediately. Her heart drummed. Sara's eyes were squeezed shut as she panted.
"I can't pee. I can't. It hurts. It fucking burns." Tears ran past her eyes.
"Oh, shit, you have a UTI." Sara opened her eyes. Her lips rounded in realization. "Do you feel a burn?"
"Yeah," Sara whispered. "Fuck, I hate this."
"Okay, try to pee, you have to."
"We have pills for that," Sara said. "Tegan got that twice."
"That's good," Evelyn said. "Where do you keep your underwear?"
"Right side of the closet. Drawer before the last." Sara hoped her mother wouldn't open the last one because that's where she kept the sex toys.
When Evelyn left the bathroom again, first thing she saw was Scarlet fully up on the floor while Rose was attempting to get down, too. "How the hell?" she said loudly. "How did you get down?"
"Miee?" Scarlet said.
"Mieee," Rose shouted, pulling her hand up. She wanted her grandmother to pull her down.
"You two are just…" Evelyn shook her head and pulled the little girl down. She walked up the closet to get her daughter fresh underwear then walked back to the bathroom. The babies were still standing against the mattress, facing one another. She hoped they wouldn't fight.
"Did you pee?"
"Mhm," Sara said as her face contorted in pain. "I think I've had it for the past three days, mum."
"Really?" Sara nodded. "I kinda pissed myself three days ago when I sneezed and Tegan laughed at me." She chuckled. "I just thought it's, you know, an after birth reaction because sometimes it feels like I'll pee when I sneeze."
"Yes, yes," Evelyn said as she helped her daughter get dressed and get up. "Do you hold your pee for too long?"
"Sometimes I have to because I have classes and no time for bathroom. I mean Tegan warned me against it." Even the night before Tegan made a remark about her not going to the bathroom after sex.
"Yeah, you should drink enough water and go to the bathroom frequently. Also sex has made it worse." Sara nodded. It's not like she came but her mother needn't know that.
Sara washed her hand and limped back to the room. Scarlet was trying to climb the bed once again and Rose stared with big eyes. "Wow," Sara mumbled.
"Mieee," Rose said happily with a wave. Scarlet looked back and waved, too.
"Hi, guys," Sara greeted with a smile. Evelyn helped her to bed and pulled the cover over her. She put the babies back on the mattress as they both encircled their mother lovingly.
"Bieee," Scarlet said, patting her mother's chest.
"No boobie. The Sara mommy doesn't have milk."
"Bieee," insisted Scarlet.
"Only the Tegan mommy has. When she comes back, she'll give you that." Sara looked up at her smiling mother.
"Nan?" Scarlet asked.
"Nan," Rose screamed and looked around. "Nan." She pointed at the door.
"Yes, when she comes she'll give you boobie."
"They call her Nan?" asked Evelyn.
"Yes, because I call her Tegan and she calls me mommy in front of them."
"That's adorable."
"They're kinda hungry. They have their food prepared. Tegan put it in the fridge. Can you heat it up and get it?"
"Of course," Evelyn said sweetly. "Will you be okay with them alone?" Sara nodded, already putting Scarlet on her lap to get her to stop moving.
"Come here, Soosie," she whispered and put her on her right leg. She looked at Rose smiling happily at her and felt the need to give her an embrace. "Come here, little cupcake," she picked up the younger twin and put her on her left leg despite the pain that was induced with Rose's weight on her bones. "We're getting heavier, aren't we?" she said to both girls with a big smile. Her eyes were still teary while theirs were big with wonder as they stared at her. "I love you," she said, kissing their foreheads. "I can't believe I have you, honestly." She laughed a little bit to herself which made Rose giggle. "Yeah, I never thought I'd have you." She sighed. "Or that you'd look exactly like me even though I am not biologically your mother? It's like you're God's gift for me."
"Meee?" Scarlet said, mixing the latter utterance with the word "mommy."
"Yes," Sara said with a giggle. "Can you say Sara?" She had tried before but none of them could. "Sara," she tried again, working slow on the two syllables.
"Sa," screamed Rose happily, waving her hands around.
"You're like the most adorable happy baby," Sara remarked. "Scar?" Sara called. Scarlet didn't respond. "Soosie?" Scarlet looked at her mother. She was only able to tell when she was called with her nickname. "Can you give mommy a kiss?"
Scarlet immediately acted upon Sara's request. Whenever she was asked to give a kiss, she did it. She got her face closer to her mother and pouted her lips, imitating what Tegan had taught her. Sara kissed her nose in return.
"Thank you, Soosie." Sara took a look at Rose then. "Rosie can you give mommy a kiss?" Rose was still unable to perform that or relate the word to the meaning. Sara kissed her nose. "Kiss mommy, too."
Rose still stared without movement.
"Soosie, give Rosie a kiss." Scarlet looked at her sister immediately and embraced her quickly and happily. Rose squealed in excitement and returned the embrace. "Now give her a kiss." Scarlet imitated the sound and action of the kiss and her sister found the opportunity to take a hold of her full cheek and pinch it in excitement. Sara pulled the hand away faster than wind to avoid the upcoming screech. "No, no, no, Rosie." She tsked at her daughter. "We shouldn't do that."
"Sara, your wife called three times," Evelyn said the instant she entered the room. Sara's cell phone was in her hand as she held two bowls of the twins' food. One was blue and the other was purple with green plastic spoons in them. Sara looked up and reached for the phone. "I told her about your situation. She's a bit worried."
"Oh."
"Yeah, she told me where the pills are. I'll put these on the bedside table and get you a tablet and water." She put the two bowls down while the twins' eyes followed every movement. "I'll also get their chairs…" She paused; looking down at Sara's confounded features. "Unless, maybe, you wanna stay alone and I'll feed them outside?"
Sara shook her head. "No, no, it's fine. I'm just in a little bit of pain."
Evelyn nodded. "Yeah, I'll be right back." The daughter watched her mother leave and chuckled to herself. She remembered one time when she was thirteen and had the flu. Her mother had been as worried as she was then. She got her food and meds to the room and sat around with her all day and all night until she felt better. That was before things turned downhill for the two of them.
"There you go," whispered Evelyn when she came back. She put a water bottle on the nightstand and handed Sara the promised pill. "You've had breakfast, right?"
"Yeah, Tegan made me toast and scrambled eggs."
"Good." She picked up Scarlet first and put her down in her chair. The baby began to whine and move as much as she could. "Calm down, calm down. We're gonna have some food."
"They're starting to really hate their chairs and giving us a hard time in them. Especially her. She just wants to be free and move around in her walker."
"Oh, she's gonna be walking soon, isn't she?" Evelyn talked sweetly and gently, placing a kiss on her granddaughter's forehead. She moved towards Rose, who clutched her mother's shirt tightly and frowned. "Oh, come on, I'm not stealing you. You're such a mommy's girl."
"Mieee," Rose screeched. She placed both hands on Sara's shirt and pulled, not letting Evelyn get her.
"Hey, baby, go with grandma so mommy can rest a little bit." Sara let her tiny hands go softly and Evelyn picked her up, coaxing her to cry immediately.
"This one's really close to you, isn't she?"
"Yeah," Sara said with a bitten lip. "She prefers me more than her sister does while her sister prefers Tegan more."
Evelyn began to feed the babies who calmed down the moment food was present. Sara rested her head back and closed her eyes. She thought about Stacy but she felt too tired to call her. Plus, her mother was in the room and she wouldn't be able to talk freely. She looked down at her phone again and found text messages from Tegan asking about her. She answered Tegan that she was sore but alright then texted Stacy asking if she was better that morning.
She closed her eyes for a second, but when she opened them, the babies were not there. A wet towel was placed on her forehead. That's why she woke up. Her mother was looking down at her worriedly.
"You're up, darling?" She nodded and yawned, looking around her. "I fed them, changed for them, and now they're napping."
"What time is it?" Sara asked groggily.
"Twelve something."
"Why aren't they back yet?" Sara wondered loudly.
"I called Lydia and she said they're walking around the city and shopping. I guess Tegan's being a tour guide or something." Evelyn chuckled.
Sara nodded with deadpan features. She assumed Tegan was having the time of her life out alone without the babies or the responsibilities waiting for her at home. Whenever Tegan got the chance to distance herself away from the family, she took it and she took it well. Sara forgave that behavior because she knew the family brought misery upon the young woman.
"You started talking in your sleep. I got worried. You were sweating, too. I touched your forehead and it was on fire; hence the wet towel."
"I don't remember the dream," Sara lied and yawned again. She rubbed her right eye.
"You kept saying Jack's name. You were hurt." Fuck. Sara smiled and nodded. "Does he still bother you?"
"No, no." Sara chuckled. "Sometimes I have dreams of the times I was with him and, yeah…"
Evelyn rubbed her hand softly with a soft smile. "How are you feeling?"
"Honestly?" Sara asked rhetorically. "Very tired," she whispered. "I guess my body's also broken because of the running around I've been doing for the past week preparing for the baptism and birthday."
"Certainly," Evelyn said. "I want you to rest. You need to tell your wife that you need to rest." Sara laughed a little. "Why is it funny?"
"It isn't," Sara said, shaking her head. "I just remembered that time after Alice's death when I was naked in the bedroom and Jack left. You came in and rebuked me for being so dramatic and disgusting with my nudity in front of him when I was supposed to be the best version of my…"
"Stop it," Evelyn cut her daughter off. "I know I am the worst…you don't have to constantly remind me." Sara's lips parted when she saw the red anger on her mother's eyes. "Is that what you were dreaming about?"
"No," Sara mumbled. "I was dreaming about him taking Alice away from me. I always have this dream." Sara shrugged at her mother's furrowed brow.
"Are you still scared he'll take anything from you?" Sara shook her head and huffed. "What is it then?"
"I don't know." She attempted sitting up, but her left hip decided otherwise so she just gave up. "There's just this tension between us and it's always there even though he literally babysits my kids and he's always invited to my parties while I am to his and we work together, but…"
"He's your ex-husband, of course." Sara nodded. "And I guess he's the father of your dead infant so…"
"Yeah," Sara said.
"He's not dating anyone?"
"No."
"How come? Isn't he forty?" Sara nodded. "What is he doing with his life?"
"He fucks around as usual." Evelyn's eyes widened. "Yeah, he never changes." Maybe that's what bothered her: the fact he'd never changed, the fact he flirted with every woman and slept with many women, the fact he was the one that got away, the fact he reminded her of her failures, and the fact he was the father of her failure.
She closed her eyes again to take a deep breath. Her mother squeezed her hand. "You're better off," she said as if she had read her internal thoughts. She opened her teary eyes and nodded. "You're in a much better place and these issues you're facing with your wife are normal. Married couples argue and fight and go through phases and they get out of them. If love is there, you don't have to worry. Love is the foundation of this relationship. Don't be so hard on yourself. You two need to give each other some space, too."
"You're right," Sara whispered. Love was certainly there. Maybe Tegan didn't love her as much as she worshipped Tegan, but Tegan did love her. It's not her fault that her love was so much thicker and so much bigger.
Tegan returned half an hour after. The babies had woken up because Scarlet woke up and kept chanting her sister's mispronounced name to wake her up. She stood up and moved the bars on her crib violently. Sara was alerted and asked her mother to get the kids to her. Sara wasn't even sure the crib was safe any longer. Scarlet kept standing up whenever she woke up. Rose never did so. She remained in bed and moved around until her mother took her out but the older twin was always in a rush to be taken out.
Scarlet immediately stood up against the headboard next to Sara while Rose sat on her butt and stared around in sleepy bewilderment. That's when Tegan entered the room. Evelyn was in the kitchen downstairs when she and Lydia came in.
"Hiiiii," she greeted jovially with a big smile on her face.
The two babies and their mother widened their eyes in excitement. Scarlet fell on her butt and Rose turned around. They began to chant for their mother. Dozens of "Nan" were pronounced as Tegan walked up to them. Her grin was huge which made Sara smile, too.
"I missed you so much," Tegan said, putting a bag down on the floor and the two iced coffees on the dresser. She hugged the two and kissed them, her eyes focused on her wife's glittering one. Scarlet's hand clutched her top in an attempt to get her to sit down so that she could sit on her lap. Tegan was aware of her daughter's movements and was aware that she was demanding to be breastfed even though she had done that in the morning. She let go of the small hand gently and kissed her daughter's cheek. She grabbed the two iced coffee cups and walked over to Sara.
"Hey," Sara said softly. Tegan leaned in to kiss her. Sara giggled. "You seem happy." Sara eyed the flushed face and the hair pulled back in a ponytail with a green cap on. Tegan also had a backpack over her black hoodie. Her jeans were baggy and ripped and she looked like anything but a mother.
She looked like the young person she was, the lively woman she wanted to be.
"We walked around the city and it was nice," Tegan said. "Lydia and mom clicked really well, too. I was just kinda worried about you."
"I'm glad mum stayed because I kinda freaked out, I admit." Sara smiled embarrassingly.
Tegan handed her wife her iced coffee and took a sip off her own. Both babies had already crawled back to where Sara was seated and they were staring at the interaction. Scarlet was a little bit whiny for attention but Rose's eyes were big with its gaze at her mothers.
"Thank you," Sara said. She wasn't an iced coffee person but she didn't mind it when it came from Tegan.
"I also got you chips." Tegan walked to the bag on the floor and got the large bag of sour onion chips that Sara loved. Sara laughed and reached her hand for it. "And I got something else, wait." Tegan took her backpack off and unzipped it on the bed. "From my own money, don't worry," she said before Sara could say anything.
"Tee," Sara said with a warning glance and an eyebrow raise. She hated when Tegan talked about money as if it was Sara's alone.
"I know, I know. Your money is my money but I also know that you have a shit load of responsibilities and you already worry." Tegan smiled and took a shopping bag out of her backpack. "Also, I already have money I can use and spoil you with the way you spoil me, so…" She shrugged and took a pair of jean shorts out. "Nice, huh?" She said when Sara lifted both eyebrows as she checked the clothing item. "For when we go to Cali in the summer and you hang around the pool so I can look at your ass."
"Wait, for me?" Sara asked with a giggle. Scarlet pointed at her coffee and groaned.
"Yes, of course for you. I never wear shorts." Tegan said with a sigh. "I imagined you in it. I'd make you try it on if it weren't for your hip." As if she wasn't the reason Sara was barely able to move. Sara marveled at the fact Tegan pretended nothing had happened the night before and just pushed the whole thing behind.
Scarlet screeched for the coffee.
"No, this is disgusting and bitter," Sara said. Scarlet was already trying to grab it with tears in her eyes. "For fuck's sake, Scar," Sara scolded. "Let go," Sara was fighting for dominance over the cup but her daughter was demanding and strong.
"Shit, she's wild." Tegan grabbed her put her on her lap. Scarlet began throwing an immediate tantrum on her mother's lap. "Shit, calm down, idiot."
Rose put both hands on her ears which made both mother burst in laughter. Not even Scarlet's twin liked these tantrums. "She's annoying, right?" Sara said.
"You know, just try it, bitch," Tegan said angrily, pushing the straw in her daughter's mouth to get to stop screeching.
"No, don't call her…" Sara cut herself off watching Scarlet's face contort in disgust at the taste. She spat the substance on her mother's hand and wiped her eyes. "Wow."
"See? She's gonna be a real bitch, I swear."
Scarlet's next target was the bag of chips next to her mother. She slapped it with her hand and it popped, making Rose jump a little. "You just scared your sister," Sara said calmly. She took the bag and opened it, taking a chip out and breaking it in half then handing it to her daughter who took it quickly and began sucking on it happily the way she usually ate chips.
"I just changed the sheets in the morning," Tegan whispered disappointingly.
"It's fine, let her calm down." Sara was clearly tired and dizzy and Scarlet's cries were just making things worse for her.
"How do you feel?" Tegan asked.
"I'm good," the wife said with a smile. "The only time I've had a UTI was after birth and it wasn't so bad but, God, this one." She took a deep breath. "I should have listened to your warnings."
"Yeah, they really suck." Tegan kicked her converse off and sighed. She climbed up on the mattress and sat next to her wife, placing Scarlet and Rose on her lap. "I shouldn't have done that to you last night," she whispered sheepishly. "I'm sorry."
Sara kissed the head lying on her shoulder. "It's fine," she mumbled. "My body is all yours when I'm healthy."
"Thank you," Tegan said. "Have you talked to Stacy?"
"I texted her," Sara answered. "But she hasn't responded. I'm a bit worried."
"Hmmm." Tegan took Rose's finger out of her nose. "That's disgusting, don't do it, Rosie."
"Should I call?" Sara wondered loudly.
"I think you should." Tegan broke another chip and gave half to each of her kids.
Sara grabbed her phone from the nightstand and dialed up her best friend's number. "It's ringing," she said. Tegan nodded.
They waited for three rings until Emy picked it up. "Hi, Sara."
"Umm…hey?" she responded first. "I'm just checking on Stace because I texted her and she hasn't responded and I'm kinda worried now."
"She's okay," Emy said. "She's right here with her head on my lap."
"Hi," Stacy said groggily. "Sorry, I'm just not in the mood." Sara sighed. "I'm sorry."
"No, it's fine. I was just worried."
Stacy wiped her eyes with a fist and turned around, her head still on her lover's lap. "I am much better. Emy got me chocolate-covered strawberries and donuts and she's literally feeding them to me in bed."
Sara laughed a little. "That's good. Good job, Emy."
"Thanks," Emy said, a smile appeared in her voice.
"If you need anything, call me," she said to both women.
"Sure," Stacy said. "Thank you."
Sara hung up after exchanging words of love. She yawned and put her coffee down on the nightstand then laid her head on her wife's shoulder. "I don't think I can go out with all of you tonight," she said.
"Same," Tegan said. "I just wanna stay in bed with you," she admitted. "Maybe mom and dad and your mom and Lydia can just all go out and we'll have the house to ourselves instead."
"Yeah, good idea." Sara closed her eyes. "Tell me that you love me," Sara asked.
Tegan didn't say it immediately. She looked at her wife's closed eyes for a second before. "Of course I love you." She kissed her forehead.