It was almost eerie when Eila and Elva didn't talk to each other while taking the saddles down off of their dragons, Arya decided rather quickly. Griishuul seemed perfectly content in the silence and she never complained about the silence either unless it was unusual and indicative of an attack.
She knew the relationship between her cousin and Griishuul was tense because it was almost obvious that they remembered each other. It seemed though that the Kull held doubt and understood the repercussions of accusing Eila of such a thing if he was still unsure about who she was.
So… Arya set about undoing Fírnen's saddle, which was harder now being twenty weeks along in her pregnancy. Compared to what she had seen Katrina and countless others go through when in this position, they were much smaller at this point in their durations. She absolutely hated how defenseless and… ungainly she felt.
"Rest." Elva said quietly when she appeared by Arya's side to help her finish undoing the straps around Fírnen's body. "I've got this."
"You just got back from traveling and you look exhausted. I'm not leaving." Arya said sternly. She felt Elva's mind press against her own, so she granted permission for the young woman to speak with her.
"And you're pregnant with a rapidly growing child who is draining you of energy and causing you pain that hurts me too. I'm not telling you to rest because it's hurting me, I'm telling you to rest because it's hurting you." Elva said pointedly through mental contact. "It would be wise of you to listen to me. I know you're my senior, my teacher, my master, and my elder; Ebrithil, which means I am in no place to give you orders. Setting that aside though, you are my friend from war and my family through Eila as well as through shared Rider hood. I'm using those ties to strongly suggest you rest because I care for you as Eila does."
Arya's eyebrows raised in both shock and surprise at how forceful Elva had come across. "Is the baby in danger?"
Elva shook her head. "Not right now." She said as she undid the last few buckles on Fírnen's saddle. "Please excuse me." She said as she grasped the sides of the saddle, not tall enough to reach the seat, and pulled. It came down on her and she caught it, thankful for the strength she had built in sparring lessons with Eila and Lord Däthedr, who had been sitting aside. They'd been sparring with another Elf named Leif and would continue to do so until Däthedr's sternum healed in full.
Arya stepped aside and let Elva carry the saddle through the doorway. She frowned and looked at Eila. "What's going on between you two?" She pried a little more forcefully than she meant, but Eila let her in.
"What did she say to you?" Eila's mental voice was a little bit dark.
"That I need to rest and not be lifting heavy things. The latter was more implied, but she didn't say anything concerning you or your relationship." Arya replied.
Eila looked down, feeling defeated.
"Go talk to her." Arya said stiffly, sensing the disturbance between the two young women.
"Griishuul, please allow me to show you to your room. You have a choice on where you wish to stay and all rooms have enough room for Au'lus to stay in with you as well." She smiled and gestured in a friendly manner. "Well, at least for the next few years until he gets to be too big."
"Yes, Lady Arya." He bowed slightly after he pulled away from Au'lus and rose to his feet. He was stroking the sides of the dragon's face with affection in his eyes just moments before. He had to kneel because of his enormous height.
Eila remained where she was as she watched her cousin and Griishuul leave, averting her gaze so she didn't look into his eyes. When they had gone, she turned to Fírnen, her exhaustion pulling at every limb. Her past was exhausting to deal with, and Griishuul's appearance only made it worse. Everything had been getting worse lately.
"Am I not doing enough?" She asked softly more to herself than the Green Dragon.
"Why would you ask that?" He requested as she pulled the rest of the saddle pieces out from under him and from around his legs.
"I feel like I'm not contributing enough. I'm going through a period where everything is getting to be too much to deal with… mentally, that is, and it's affecting me physically. I can't focus on my studies sometimes and I'm restless. I haven't slept in two days. I'm now worried about Griishuul… we have history and he knows a lot about me that could give me a very bad reputation. I feel like that's selfish to even think of because I did horrible things to him and I deserve whatever punishment I get from it." She rubbed her face. "I feel like I'm spread too thin, and yet my inability to do the simplest of tasks makes me feel lazy because at the end of the day, those tasks are still there." She shifted. "I hope that makes sense."
"It does, Eila, and I would urge you to relax the standards you hold yourself to. Self-discipline is one thing and an important one at that, but when you are overbearing with what you expect from yourself, you'll only do more harm than good. You're feeling the effects of it now. I ask you to be gentle with yourself. Arya and I both understand the situation you came from and healing should be your topmost priority. She and I only want the best for you and for all Riders, and for you, that currently means recovery so you can live happily and comfortably. Caring for yourself is never asking too much. Remember that." He advised and Eila nodded.
"Thank you, Ebrithil." She bowed slightly, then rubbed her face again. She truly was tired.
"Now, follow through with Arya's instruction and go speak to your Heartmate." He nudged the air in the direction of the doorway and Eila blushed.
"Yes, Ebrithil." She nodded and hesitated, her whole body going rigid, then walked away quickly to the direction of the tack room.
It was a short trip, possibly no longer than fifty paces, but it seemed like an eternity because of the concerns she held.
Upon approaching, she took a few breaths and rounded the corner, deciding to lean against the doorway to knock. "Hey." She said softly, turning her eyes downwards, feeling like Elva could see right through her.
"Hey." Elva raised a questioning eyebrow and stopped what she was doing, a soft frown decorated her features, wrinkling the lower tendrils of the silvery star marking on her forehead.
"Are we… fighting?" Eila looked up with genuine confusion and worry.
Elva shrugged. "I don't think so. Is there something we need to fight about?" She used a brush to work a plant-based oil rub into the leather of her saddle to help keep it healthy.
"Not necessarily, but you're acting strange and I'm wondering if it's something I did."
Elva huffed a dry laugh. "No."
"'No' to acting strange or 'no' to something I did?" Eila raised an eyebrow, feeling confused.
"Something you did. You can't make the natural processes of maturation stop and neither were you the cause." Elva looked pointedly at her and Eila still looked confused.
"What? I don't-" she hesitated and hoped Elva would clarify.
After a long pause, Elva spoke. "I'm…" she hesitated and worked her jaw. "bleeding." She winced and looked away, embarrassed and partially disgusted.
Eila stiffened, her eyes growing wide with concern. "What? Where?" She said urgently and Elva gave her a frank and unamused look that took Eila a moment to understand.
"Oh…" She sighed with a soft, relieved smile. "Elva, that's completely normal." She crossed the room and stood behind her partner and wrapped her arms around Elva's slender waist.
"Is it normal to be in so much pain?" She asked softly, leaning back slightly. Eila had always felt solid to her regardless of how skinny she was. They both had been doing a lot better with that and they each looked much healthier than they did nearly three months ago. Well, maybe not Elva as she was still in the form of a child three months ago. It was more like a month and a half for her.
"Unfortunately yes, I'm sorry to say. Do you feel alright though?" Eila asked gently and Elva sighed.
"Not really… I'm… nauseous and tired… and angry. I don't know why." She closed her eyes as she felt Eila slide her hands up under her partner's shirt and trousers to lay flat against her smooth skin. She let her fingertips massage the area in gentle circles, understanding the organs under her palms were swollen and painfully inflamed.
"Thank you…" Elva whispered, feeling vulnerable. "The warmth helps."
"Of course." Eila smiled and kissed the side of her partner's head. "I just got done doing some work so they're warm."
Elva smiled. "You're so good to me… I hardly feel like I deserve it."
Eila huffed. "Whether you believe me or not, you deserve it, Elva. War was harsh and all of us deserve rest, but especially you. Your curse was torturous, and it might still be in some respects, but having to feel the pain of war at once… I can't imagine."
"Angela put me to sleep oftentimes, but sometimes even the induced rest wasn't enough. It wasn't all that bad looking back on it. Just painful in the moment."
Eila frowned. "Well now that's not true. You have nightmares because of it. You talk in your sleep, Button. Sometimes you yell."
"But still-"
"Oh hush. You deserve it and I'm going to continue doing these things for you because it makes me feel good that I'm helping and doing something good for you." Eila said in all one breath. "Do you need supplies or anything?"
"Uh… no. I have it under control with magic. Thank you, though." Elva said quietly.
"Well, if you need supplies, let me know and I'll figure out how to get them for you." Eila smiled, but Elva frowned.
"Wait… it's been four weeks since we arrived here and you haven't had…" she said quietly.
"No, I have them suspended. That being said though, I could get pregnant if I had intercourse with a man without protective wards. That's partly why I think Arya might be pregnant, but don't tell her I said that because I don't know if she had her cycles paused. It… locks your body in constant fertility."
Elva frowned when a thought slid into her mind and she set the brush and jar of leather conditioner down on the saddle. She let her hands fall over Eila's, rubbing the backs of them a few times, and decided she wouldn't bring it up.
"Would you teach me?" She asked quietly.
"Yes, but it's best for your body if you wait for your cycles to even out first. I'm sorry sweetheart." She sighed softly and let her chin rest atop Elva's head.
"It's alright. How long did yours take to even out?" She squeezed her partner's hands.
"Two or three years I think, but I didn't receive proper or even normal nourishment, so it would probably take less time for you."
Elva felt sadness grip her. Eila never deserved any of the treatment she received in Urû'baen. "And… can I ask what you did until you could pause them?"
She felt Eila swallow. "I uh… did my best to protect my clothes with rags, but I wasn't provided anything unless it was a special occasion because my father liked to humiliate me. He had me swear an oath that prevented me from using magic to help like you're doing now. That lasted a while though. Once I had the chance to stop them, I did. I'm also a half-Elf, so I don't know if that has anything to do with my cycles either. Uh… but you're healthy and fed and cared for and warm, so I think it shouldn't be long. That might be a question for Angela or Arya, but I would ask Angela because she's human too."
"Or so we think." Elva smiled, but it faded and she turned in Eila's embrace, enveloping her in the warmest hug she could possibly manage. "You're so strong… you've been through so much and it hasn't broken you. You're not bitter at the world; you're not excessively angry and seeking revenge. Stars, you're admirable. Your heart is so good and full of light even after so many years in the blackest darkness. I'm so proud to call you my Heartmate and my friend." Elva buried her head against Eila's chest. "I love you."
Eila smiled softly, restraining the tears in her eyes. "I love you too, Elva, as a Heartmate and as a friend. I'm just so thankful to have someone so special and wonderful and healthy to hold close and to trust. Thank you for being here for me and remember, I'll always be here for you."
Elva hugged her a little bit tighter before letting go to look up and was surprised when Eila snuck a kiss; their first kiss since being home together. The gesture was never unwelcome.
With a smile, the human took a breath. "Hey, let me put this away and get a bath because I probably do not smell all that great, and then I'll come spend time with you in your room, yeah? I want to know what's been going on around here in the week that I was away."
"M'okay." Eila hummed. Her eyes became lost in thought and there was a short span before she was brought back to the present. "Do you… want to share a pipe of Flower? It'll help with the pain."
Elva's gaze softened. "Of course I would."
"I'm glad." The half-Elf grinned and bent to kiss her partner's again. "Here, I'll take care of this, you go ahead."
"You're sure?"
Eila had already detached herself and was moving to begin picking up around her. "Positive, now go. You'll feel better once you're clean, I promise."
"Alright." She smiled. "Thank you, Eila."
"You're most welcome. I'm just glad we're okay." The half-Elf smiled a little sheepishly as she gestured between them.
"I didn't mean to come off so coldly." Elva's eyes were wide. "It's just… kind of been a difficult last few days."
Eila nodded, her eyes softening. "How far along are you?"
"Uh… two days about. Today is day three." Elva said quietly.
"It might get a little easier from here, then. I think for humans it typically lasts for seven days." Eila's gaze was sympathetic.
Elva frowned. "And how long does it last for you?"
With a slight shrug and an embarrassed smile, Eila rubbed the back of her neck. "I… was unfortunate enough to receive this on my mother's behalf. Two weeks is standard for Elves and it goes for me too."
Elva winced. "Stars, Eila… that's horrible."
"It's not as bad as you'd think. It's something I grew to live with and that's the standard for me. It's all I know." She shrugged again, a little uncomfortable. She had never… talked to anyone about this sort of thing before.
Elva hesitated. "Can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to because I know it might bother you."
Eila looked up and nodded curiously. Her arm fell to her side. "Sure."
"Alright… then… uh, so, Angela has told me that a human woman is most fertile about two weeks before…" she frowned. "What's this called?" She pointed at her lower abdomen.
"I've always referred to it as End Phases." Eila shrugged, the pink flush was still present.
Elva nodded. "Alright, then… two weeks before their End Phases." She took a breath. "That means a woman has a chance to conceive during that time in the one-month period that it takes to complete the cycle. What about you?"
The color drained from Eila's cheeks. "The cycle is about six weeks for me and I have a one week window of fertility, so I've read."
Elva nodded. "So then… because you have your End Cycles suspended, you can get pregnant… right now?"
"Well it takes a few days for conception to occur after intercourse, but yes, technically speaking." She looked up and frowned. "Why?"
Elva shrugged. "I was just curious because you're half human and half Elf. I didn't know if it was any different for you compared to me."
"Oh." Eila sounded relieved. "It's good to be curious, especially when it comes to knowing yourself."
"You know that could've been taken sexually?" Elva smiled.
"It was meant that way too." Eila smirked and Elva laughed.
"You did not."
"You're right, but I mean it that way now too since you mentioned it."
Elva huffed. "I'm going to get cleaned up." She said through her easy laughter.
"Have fun, dear." Eila kissed her cheek and she blushed.
"I'm going to try. Baths aren't particularly fun. It's just water."
"Oh, go on. See you in a little while." Eila nudged her in the direction of the door.
"Fine, fine. See you in a little while." Elva paused and reached up to bring her partner into a deep kiss, which was reciprocated eagerly.
"Are you trying to stay?" Eila chuckled as they broke for air.
"I haven't seen you in a week!"
Eila crossed her arms. "Do you want me to bathe with you?"
"I- what?" Elva's eyes widened.
"I'm kidding." Eila laughed with a casual eye roll. "Go."
"Ugh, fine." Elva shrugged dramatically and turned, heading towards the door. "Tease." She muttered under her breath.
"I heard that!" Eila called and Elva flashed a grin before disappearing down the hall.
Eila's smile lingered with the fun interaction, then faded when her mind went to their conversation concerning fertility. Her hands slowed and she closed her eyes.
No, she wasn't sure if she could get pregnant now. It was still too soon for her cycles to return and yet it had been two months, maybe more, but she lost count when the days of travel became monotonous and miserable as she dealt with the bleeding without a word to anyone, including Eylörís. She knew Arya would be beyond hurt that she lied to her about faking a pregnancy to get the proper supplements, when truthfully, Eila needed them herself as well.
It would always haunt her that she did it on purpose.
"I'm done thinking about this now." She whispered to herself as she hurriedly began working the conditioner into the saddle around the areas where Elva hadn't gotten to yet. She was mostly finished, so the job was a quick one, but the world felt like it had slowed to a painful rate and it was taking forever.
Eventually, though, she finished and put everything away, then headed with rushed steps up to her room, hoping to avoid Arya and Griishuul. She didn't feel like dealing with a conversation she was in no state of mind to be having.
She did see them at the far end of the hall-like bridge that connected the trees, creating a common pathway between each. Griishuul was so much bigger than Arya, but from his interactions she's seen of him so far, he didn't pose a threat.
Eila slipped into her room and was greeted by the fox made of smoke who seemed to always wait for her by the door whenever she left.
"Hello, Lock." She smiled softly as she closed the door behind her. "Elva's back, I know you'll be excited to see her. She'll be excited to see you because you were supposed to be temporary. I really like having you around, though, so thank you for staying." She knelt and held her fingers out. The fox sniffed at them, then seemed to relax more than it already was.
"C'mon, let's go downstairs and say hello to everyone." Eila nodded in the direction of the staircase that brought her to the lower level of her home. Lock trotted silently behind her.
They walked through her door and into her bedroom, and taking a look around, she saw that the rabbit seemed to be dozing on her desk and the stag was on her back porch, watching the leaves on the trees.
"Hello." She announced and both the rabbit and the deer turned. "I hope everyone's okay. Anyway, I'm home now. Sorry to disturb you." She looked down at Lock. "Elva might be a while before she comes over. She needs to shower and eat." She raised an eyebrow. "I have food in here for her in the likely case that she ignores to take care of that duty on her own. Arya insisted I take some up with me and store it because I can't always eat downstairs… well, you guys know that. It just helps me to repeat recent things so I'll remember. Otherwise, I'll forget and that's not good. If I forget about the food, it'll go bad, see?" She explained, then walked over to her desk.
"Don't mind me." She said, glancing at the rabbit as she grabbed the box she kept her pipe in. She moved to the bed and set it down, then went back to her desk to retrieve the tall, cylindrical vessel she kept her supply of Reiter Reed in as well as her grinding bowl for crushing the petals. The lid to the vessel had a rubber-like gasket around it to help keep the flowers fresh for a longer period and the bowl was made of sparkly black granite.
She went back to her bed and set the vessel on her nightstand, then prepared her grinding bowl with twice the amount she usually used, which wasn't very much to begin with. Her tolerance was quite low, meaning she had to use less and thus, had more of her supply for a later date.
There was a knock from upstairs, and she smiled. Elva.
Eila stopped what she was doing and sprinted upstairs. "I'll be back." She said quickly before leaving.
With a deep breath, she calmed, then opened the door and smiled. "How are you able to bathe so quickly?"
Elva shrugged. "Well, I ran upstairs. I used to race myself to see how quickly I could get finished with a complete shower. I still do that. I still have some of the child left in me." She smiled and nodded. "May I come in?"
"Always." Eila smiled and stood aside. "It's sweet how you race yourself. I do that too sometimes." Her smile widened.
Elva stepped into the room and Eila closed the door, not sparing any time to wrap herself around her partner. "Do you feel better?"
With a growing smile, Elva leaned back into Eila's chest. "I do, yes, thank you."
"Are you still in pain?" Eila asked gently as her hands slid down to Elva's lower abdomen again.
The young human let out a soft huff. "Yes and it's not fun, but I'm getting used to it… or at least getting used to feeling it, but that doesn't mean I'm getting used to the pain to the point where I don't feel it anymore. I don't think that can happen."
Eila smiled and kissed the top Elva's head. "It can't unless there's nerve damage." She swayed, rocking from foot to foot.
"Are you alright?" Elva asked.
"Of course, why?" The half-Elf frowned but didn't pull away.
Elva shrugged. "I don't know… you seem… touchy today, not that that's a bad thing. I quite enjoy it. It's just a little unusual and I was wondering if something happened."
Eila straightened slightly. "Oh… no. Nothing happened. I'm just glad you're home and…" she blushed deeply. "Well, I like taking care of you too. Your curse lets you know when I'm in pain, but I don't have that so I don't get to help you as often. This is something I know I can offer help with and I'm… uh… eager to help, not that I want you to be in pain or anything like that." Eila said shyly, quick to explain herself.
Elva closed her eyes. "Eila, by existing and being close to me, offering an ear or a shoulder, and having trust in me just as I have trust in you has helped significantly with my mindset and outlook. I seriously believed I'd be alone my entire life and die alone as well without ever having known intimacy like this. You understand more than I think anyone aside from Kitlàn could understand. That's more than I ever could ask for."
Eila felt her heart grow full at the statement and she hugged Elva a little bit tighter. "I love you, Button." She whispered.
"I love you too." Elva smiled, then pulled away so she could turn and reach up to press a kiss to Eila's lips; deep and soft and slow to express tenderness and in some ways, gratitude.
When they broke for air, they both smiled.
"Downstairs?" Eila offered.
"Yes." Elva grinned.
"Fantastic." The half-Elf whispered just before she bent and easily scooped Elva up; one arm under her knees, the other supporting her back.
"Oof, you're strong." Elva smiled and curled up closer, wrapping an arm around Eila's neck.
"Oof, you're light." The half-Elf playfully deadpanned as she made her way to the lower floor.
"Maybe because you're strong." Elva pointed out.
Eila rolled her eyes with a smile. "Point taken. How was your bath?"
"It feels so good to finally be clean." Elva laughed, then shifted when Eila laid her down on the bed. "What the-?" Her eyes widened when Lock jumped up onto the bed to see who it was. "They're still here?" She looked up at Eila, who was rounding the bed.
"Yes. Ever since we created them." She said softly, thinking fondly of the moments they shared during that time.
"I don't know what they're tethered to. I don't feel any draw. Do you?" Elva asked as she let her fingers dance through the fox-shaped cloud of smoke.
"Not at all. I've even consulted Arya about it. She's as puzzled as you or I." Eila climbed into bed, the fox between them.
Elva frowned when a thought crossed her mind. "Maybe we've accidently created synthetic life?"
"What do you mean?" Eila frowned but turned to lay on her side to watch her partner observe and play with Lock's natural characteristics as the smoke curled around Elva's fingers.
"What if… they're conscious? If we tried again and succeeded, we could make another set of these animals and see if they'd reproduce. That's a natural drive, you know." Elva raised an eyebrow and smiled.
"How would we sex them? I would have no idea how to go about determining whether they're male or female. Except for Lincoln, Lincoln has antlers and only males have antlers in the deer world."
Elva raised her eyebrows. "Lincoln?"
Eila blushed. "What? I like naming things. That's Lincoln, Lock is the fox and Lexicon is the rabbit."
Elva grinned. "You like 'L' names, don't you?"
"I have a tendency to gravitate towards them, yes." Eila tried to smile, but… it was hard when she thought about her lost daughter whom she named 'Luna'. All good things must have names.
"Hey…" her voice softened and she reached out to lay a hand on Eila's shoulder. "I touched something painful. I didn't mean to."
"I know, I know…" the half-Elf said softly and reached up to lay a hand over Elva's. "You couldn't have known."
The fox sauntered away and jumped down when she shifted to be closer to Eila, allowing them room to be closer. "Look… I'm worried about you. While I was traveling, I spoke to Arya a few times and she explained your absences. I understand and I'm not upset either, but it seems like you're dealing with much more than usual. I can take a few guesses as to what might be causing your turmoil, but I'd rather you be comfortable enough to open up on your own rather than me taking the risk of touching something sensitive. I want to help you get better, Eila, and more often than not, talking about the things that are bothering you will help relieve some of the pressure."
Eila's gaze fell away. "I just… I spoke to Murtagh while you were gone. The conversation brought back things I was trying so hard not to think about."
Elva softened. "May I ask you what those things are?"
The half-Elf wilted. "No, thank you." She whispered. "I um… I'm not ready. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Elva replied. "Can I ask you what went on while I was gone?"
Eila swallowed and separated herself, then got out of bed. "Not a whole lot. Sparring with Leif. Däthedr hasn't healed enough to spar yet. I spent some time with Sloan and went to the library to do some research pertaining to Rider history. Eylörís and I have been spending a lot of time together." She walked to the nightstand and began grinding up the petals so they made a fine powder within the stone bowl.
"Have you spent time with Arya?" Elva sat up to watch.
"Not especially…" Eila sighed and looked to the bed for the box that held her pipe within.
"Why not?" The human asked gently.
"I did something I'm not proud of in Ilirea. If she finds out, I know she'll blame herself. I'm having a hard time facing her with such a thing on my mind. That's the… topic I'm not fond of talking about just yet." Eila closed her eyes for a moment before adding the ground up Reiter Reed to the pipe bowl.
Elva's eyes softened and she reached out to brush her fingers across Eila's scarred skin, causing her to look over. "Let me know this, then: does this have to do with the supplements you were able to secure for her?"
A frown marked the half-Elf's features as her eyes widened with concern. "What do you know?" She said almost darkly.
Elva drew away and swallowed. "I can feel all life, Eila. I felt it the moment Arya's son came into existence a few days before she left to see Eragon off. I felt it in you too, though it's there no longer." Eila handed her the pipe and whispered to it in the Ancient Language, causing green embers to glow. Elva took the first draw, then handed it back. "Do you want me to continue?"
Eila took a long draw and Elva watched her eyes flutter from the impact the flower had. She's never seen that before, not even with Angela. She passed the pipe back and Elva just watched her partner for a moment to make sure she was okay, taking the Jade object with a careful touch.
Slowly, the brightness of the half-Elf's skin dulled, the light in her eyes faded and before long, whatever magic Eila was using to make herself look healthy had evaporated entirely. Dark circles appeared under her bloodshot, shame-filled, currently grey eyes and Elva stood immediately.
"Eila, please sit down." She tugged on her partner and Eila let herself be dragged to the bed. She was unable to meet Elva's gaze.
Once sitting, Elva joined her and took a longer draw from the pipe than she did before. "How long has it been since you slept?" She handed the pipe back and Eila took it, bringing in another deep sip, which caused a pained smile to form.
"It's been two days. I'm not okay. I thought I was, but I'm not. I've been stuck in a survival mindset all my life and now that my body is learning I'm no longer in danger, it's bringing up all the trauma I thought I had more time to work through before it came back to bite me. Eylörís is trying so hard to help, but neither of us know what to do. I've done so many horrible things…"
"Eila… none of it was within your control-"
"The last person I killed was. It was on my own volition." Elva took the pipe from her before she fell backwards, her feet still hanging off the side of the bed. Her eyes followed the woven ceilings as pain filled her body. The emotional hurt became physical. "Arya's going to kill me." Eila sighed as she reached up to run her fingers through her hair, pulling to help the throbbing of her mind.
"She's not going to kill you." Elva said as she laid back so her shoulder was touching Eila's.
"Once she finds out, she's going to be heartbroken. You know how Elves are when it comes to children! Why am I so heartless?"
"You're not heartless and you're not headless either. Not accepting supplements for yourself wasn't cruel when you didn't know how safe the world was for you and the child. I am aware that you were placed in that situation forcefully due to not being able to use magic to defend or at least protect yourself and your overall weakness was due to a lack of food and injury as well. I know you were able to kill the individual who violated you. Eila… that decision was forced on you and you made your choice based on the way your outlook appeared. Nobody can fault you for that."
"I still did it, though… my own blood is on my hands." Eila whimpered.
"You need to change your outlook, otherwise you'll never get better. It's already done. Think in the light, but acknowledge the dark because balance is the most important place you'd want your mind to follow. Let yourself grieve and mourn, but you don't need to punish yourself so harshly. Do what you need to do to heal and I'm right here if you need anything. Sweetheart, I understand your pain because I can feel it too and it hurts. Eila-" she sighed. "You need to sleep. That comes first. Have you eaten today?"
There was a pause. "No."
"Did you eat yesterday?" Elva looked over at her.
"Yes, but I lost it around noon and failed to eat dinner." The half-Elf responded a little bit petulantly.
"Alright, eating comes first. Come on, let's go." Elva got up and straightened her clothes. She took another drag from the pipe they were sharing and set it down on the nightstand.
"Where are we going?" Eila frowned and let herself be tugged to her feet.
"Downstairs."
"I have food up here." She argued and Elva crossed her arms.
"We have a stove top and eggs downstairs. You need something with protein."
"Fine." Eila sighed and stood, then reached for the pipe and Elva let her take it.
"I think you shouldn't have much more of that."
"It's okay, it's almost spent. Do you want the rest?" The half-Elf responded.
"I'm alright, thank you. Let's put it out, though. I don't want you getting sick off of it." Elva reached up and took the pipe from her partner and dumped the contents back into the stone refining bowl, then set the pipe beside it.
Eila watched with wide eyes like the movements Elva made was the most fascinating thing in the world.
"You're quite up there now, aren't you?" Elva smiled as she pressed a hand to Eila's cheek. She received a delayed response when the half-Elf looked over.
"Mhm. Nothing wrong with that." She smiled softly and Elva hugged her, wrapping her arms around the half-Elf's lean torso.
"Nope, nothing's wrong with that."
"I feel better like this… feels good. Everything doesn't hurt so much." She said as she buried her head in Elva's shoulder.
"Don't become dependent on it, Sweetheart. I'm going to help you work through everything so you don't need pain relief. You need to work with me in order for this to be effective, though."
Eila nodded rapidly. "Okay…"
"Good, now, let's go downstairs. Flower makes me sleepy and I wouldn't be surprised if it makes you sleepy too, so let's go get something to eat before that happens to either of us." She pulled away to look her partner in the eyes. "Don't use magic to influence your appearance. It's okay to not be okay and it's okay to show that."
Eila looked a little bit anxious. "But what if Arya comes down?"
"She's your cousin and your teacher. You need to communicate your health to her so she can offer help to you as well. We're here for you; you're not alone, so please don't try doing this all by yourself." Elva spoke softly, then reached up to press a quick kiss to Eila's lips, then pulled away further to take her by the hand. "C'mon."
"Okay." The half-Elf responded quietly and followed when she was tugged in the direction of her bedroom door and the stairwell leading back upstairs. "Do you feel better?"
"I do, yes. Much less pain, thank you for sharing some of your supply with me." Elva responded as they hiked up the steps.
"Always. Do you want to take some home?" Eila offered as they walked into the living room, stopping by the door.
"Possibly, but I'd like to do it with you a few more times before I do it on my own." Elva looked up. "Plus I would need a pipe."
"I can get one for you." Eila volunteered.
"Well, then it's a maybe for now." Elva smiled. "Thank you, sweetheart." She wrapped her hand around her partner's, threading their fingers together.
"Always." Eila leaned over and pressed a kiss to the top of Elva's head. "Does Griishuul know we're together?"
Elva shrugged. "I didn't tell him. I don't know him well enough. I knew him from the war, though. He used to travel with the Varden. He knows me too, but not as I am now."
"When do you think we should tell him?"
With a soft laugh, Elva grinned. "Let him figure it out, I want to see how long it takes."
"Then we should probably not hold hands when we get going, though I do enjoy holding your hand." Eila smiled as she tightened her grip slightly.
"Agreed, though reluctantly, because I too enjoy holding your hand." Elva's smile became a smirk. "Let's go. It'll be alright. When we come back upstairs, we can hold hands for as long as you'd like."
Eila huffed a laugh. "I'd most certainly enjoy that, Button."
With a playful eye roll, Elva reached up and pressed a kiss to Eila's cheek, then moved to open the door. Soon they walked together back downstairs to eat the first full meal either of them have had in the past few days.
A/N: First off, I want to make it very clear that this isn't political propaganda of any kind. It's how I think the characters would deal with the situation, but I understand how touchy it can be to some people, so with that said, I don't mean to offend or trigger anyone.
On a happier, less aggressive note, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I was going to keep going with it, but realized how long it was getting to be and cut myself off before I had you all sitting here for a half-hour to a full hour reading one chapter :)
On a personal note, I think I've found the best person ever. Our interactions are very similar to Eila and Elva, which seems fairytale, but that's the way it's turning out. It's only been about a month, but when a person just clicks with you, they click, and I can see that now. Whether we end up as friends or something more, I don't know, but I'm okay with either because she's too wonderful to just let go of right away. It feels amazing to be understood and to find someone so close to how you yourself are and operate. It's relieving to me.
Enough of that. I'm sorry I made you guys wait a little while for this chapter, and I understand it might not have been the point of view you were looking for, but it's building. Once more, I hope you all have enjoyed this chapter and like where it's going.
Love to you all!
-Lady Arlo