Chapter 47

Present

"Well, this is a new one," Steph said cheerily from somewhere behind me. "Whatever this workout is, I can definitely get behind it."

"This isn't a workout," I informed her flatly, lifting my head and turning it to the side so I could peer at her. I'd come to the gym to burn off my excess anger and frustration following my meeting with Grace, but quickly found that my heart wasn't in it. I couldn't be mad at Grace. Her privacy had been invaded, and she had every right to feel the way she was feeling. The background check may have been done with the best intentions, but it didn't change the fact that she'd found out in the shittiest way possible. No one wants to find a file of intimate details of their life sitting on their boyfriend's kitchen counter where anyone could pick it up and read it.

Steph snorted. "I figured as much, otherwise I wouldn't be here," she said, lowering herself into a cross-legged position on the floor beside me.

"What?" I was confused. I got that Steph didn't spend a lot of time in the gym, but I didn't understand why me lying on my stomach under the heavy bag would be a reason for her to come down.

"Tell Auntie Steph what's wrong," she said in a soothing voice as she placed a hand on my back between my shoulder blades.

Everything that was wrong flitted through my head at once like a tornado of images and words. The way Grace had avoided me. Kenzie's tears as she worried that's she'd done something wrong. The look on Grace's face when I explained about the file. And worse, when she told me not come back to the hair class. She was hurting, but it just felt unnecessarily harsh to suggest I take away something that had brought such joy to my daughter. A frustrated growl escaped me as I smooshed my face back into the floor.

Steph's had didn't retreat, but instead started rubbing firm circles on my upper back. She'd weathered enough of Ranger's moods (not to mention my own and probably some of the other men's as well) to not be deterred by a little snarling. She knew she was safe and that it was just a noise we needed to make sometimes. "I need you to use your big-boy words," Steph said gently, and I could sense a small smile in her voice.

I turned back to glare at her. "Are you using me as parenting practice?" I accused.

That patented mischievous grin crept onto her face. "Maybe," she admitted. "You have to admit, you guys do act like babies sometimes." She had a point.

Sighing, I rolled over onto my back and caught her hand in massaging her palm for something to do. "You don't need it," I reminded her. "You're gonna be a great mom."

"People keep telling me that," she said, on a huff of breath as she propped her other elbow on her knee so she could lean her head on it. "But it does nothing to diminish the overwhelming sense that I'm gonna fuck this kid's life up. I didn't exactly have stellar parenting examples growing up."

"Steph, come on," I said, wiggling her hand back and forth to make sure I had her full attention. "If I can raise a moderately well-adjusted kid in the wake of Hurricane Phoebe, you'll have no problem. Especially since you'll have Ranger by your side, and whole company of uncles at your back."

Steph narrowed her eyes at me dragging her had back from my grasp as she sat up straighter. "Do you guys workshop these pep-talks or something?"

"What?"

"Tank told me almost the exact same thing the other day," she said, shaking her head.

I quirked an eyebrow but could hide the small smile that twitched at my lips. "Nice to know Tank thinks I'm doing an okay job with McKenzie," I said with a hint of sarcasm to recognise the fact that Tank obviously thought I was a bit of a screw up before Phoebe and Kenzie entered my life if he was using me as a yardstick of comparison.

Steph shrugged, grinning again. "Well, with the exception of Carlos, he has been a parent the longest," she pointed out. "And he has the most children. He's built up a lot of hard-earned wisdom.

"Please tell me you're not taking parenting advice from Tank," I groaned beseechingly, capturing both her hands in mine. "He helicopter's his cats so bad! Have you seen his video-call food dish?"

She laughed, and laid down beside me, using my shoulder as a pillow. "I promis to take the feline-ness of Tank's babies into account when reviewing his advice in the future if you tell me what's wrong," she wagered.

The meeting with Grace flashed through my head again and I grit my teeth. "Nothing's wrong," I stated.

"Liar," Steph said with an elbow to my ribs. "You've been in a funk for a fortnight, and you were building up to one of the most intense workouts I've seen from your in a long time when you abruptly gave up and melted to the floor."

That got my attention. My head jerked to the side, staring at the top of her curly head as she continued to gaze at the heavy bag above us. "You were watching me?" I questioned.

"No." She shook her head. "Ram was. He thought something might be off with you when he saw you and Bobby arrive back, so he kept an eye on you and alerted Bobby when things were heating up. When you gave up, Bobby called me to check on you."

I sighed. That sounded about right. "First of all, Bobby's a coward," I said. "He should have come an face me himself. And second," I couldn't help but smile as I craned my neck to see her face. "At least I timed my crisis for after midday this time like you asked."

She laughed and shook her head, sitting up once more to face me. There was something solemn behind her eyes, probably remembering the first time she'd been sent into this same gym to interrupt my breakdown just after Phoebe and I were married. "If you'll recall," she said sternly, giving me another poke to the ribs. "I said that so that we could justify having a beer. A beer that I can't have in my current condition," she added, pulling back on the sides of her loose Rangeman tee to reveal the shape of her growing baby bump.

"So many rules," I groaned with a sarcastic eye roll. "After midday. Not while I'm pregnant. Would you like to go ahead and check your calendar to let me know a convenient time for me to have my next personal dilemma for you to attend to so I can pencil it in?"

"Ha, ha, ha," she said humourlessly, nudging me with her foot. "I know you're only deflecting because you're hurting, so tell me what's wrong already."

I knew I couldn't avoid the topic anymore. She had that dog-with-a-bone look about her that she got when she was determined to get the answers she was after. And really, if I thought about it, Steph was the perfect person to air my troubles to, because not only was she a woman, but she'd been through a similar kind of privacy invasion issue with Ranger before they officially got together. Maybe Bobby wasn't so much a coward, and simply thinking ahead to help me try find a solution to my problems. Sending Steph in to talk was his way of helping while preserving the structural integrity of his nose. I narrowed my eyes at the ceiling as a fresh wave of annoyance at him washed over me. Scratch that, he was still a coward for not facing me himself, but I wouldn't hold it against him.

"How did you get over the fact that Ranger was invading your privacy before you guys got together?" I asked, avoiding looking at her.

"Invading my privacy?" she questioned, her tone confused. "What?"

"With the whole tracker thing," I pointed out. "He was tailing your and monitoring your movements when he wasn't. I know for a fact that you didn't like it."

Her reply was slow, like she was trying to piece together the puzzle pieces she'd been handed and figure out what was actually wrong with me. "No," she said. "I didn't. Not at first. But after those trackers proved to be the difference between life an death a half dozen times, I learned to accept them. He wasn't tracking me to be controlling. He was watching my back."

Figures. Ranger's protective instincts, combined with Steph's penchant for falling into a tub of trouble when she least expected had paid off and ultimately brought them together. The likelihood of that happening with me and Grace was slim to none. Grace wasn't off in the wrong neighbourhoods poking her nose in other people's business. At least I was pretty sure she wasn't, but I wasn't tracking her to confirm. She had a level head on her shoulders and there wasn't all that much trouble you could get into cutting and colouring hair all day. And although the background check had been done for a good reason, it wasn't to protect her. In fact, it was to protect myself and my daughter.

I would have thought she'd show at least a little bit of understanding. She was constantly assuring me that it was okay when I mentioned needing to take care of Kenzie's needs first and foremost. And that was what Bobby and I had been doing with that background check. But the look in her eyes as she told me not to come back to class did not show even a hint of understanding. Only hurt and betrayal.

My frustration came out on a light humming sound this time as I contemplated my pickle.

"That wasn't the answer you were after, was it?" Steph asked quietly.

"Not exactly," I admitted. "No."

She nodded. "So, what's this about?"

I sighed, keeping my gaze averted to the ceiling. "Grace," I said. Who else?

"No shit, Santos," Steph teased, her voice laden with an eye roll as she nudged my side again. "Who's invading who's privacy?"

Anger boiled up inside me and I suddenly wished I hadn't stopped punishing the punching bag so early. "That's just the thing!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms wide and ignoring the jolt of pain as my bruised knuckles mad contact with the floor. "Technically, neither of us has, but she doesn't believe me!"

I caught her crossing her arms over her chest out of the corner of my eye. She hated not knowing what was up. "I'm going to need more information if you want me to help you through this," she stated, and when I glanced over she appeared to be attempting to raise an eyebrow at me.

"I didn't ask for you help," I pointed out, feeling pitiful and sorry for myself. Maybe I didn't deserve her help.

"Yes, you did," she countered easily.

I shook my head, letting it flop over so that I could look directly at her, frowning.

She mimicked my head shake and patted my forearm. "Lester, you're a dad," she pointed out. "Surely you've learned by now that asking for help doesn't always involve the words, please help me. You asked about my previous experience with a specific situation that you're currently struggling with, that's asking for help."

My eyebrows rose of their own accord. "That's rather insightful," I said, genuinely surprised that she could articulate such a thing, given how emotionally stunted she'd been when we first met. Not that I could talk, of course. And because I was still feeling rather petty, I added. "Did Tank teach you that?"

Steph snorted. "You really think Tank let's his cats get into situation where they need help?" she asked. "This is all personal experience, buddy," she said gesturing to herself and straightening her shoulders. "And I have it in spades."

No denying that, I thought. "Reason number four hundred and forty-seven why you'll be a great mom," I pointed out softly. Her kid was going to have the most loving, nurturing parents in the world. And they both had enough experience in the world to help guide him or her through any problem they might be faced with.

Her eyes narrowed and she jabbed me in the ribs with the toe of her shoe. "We're not gonna start talking I circles just so you can avoid telling me what's wrong," she stated.

I sighed for the umpteenth time since collapsing onto the floor. She had a point. There was nothing she could do to help me if she didn't know what the issue was, and she really did have a way of pointing out the bright side, so even if she didn't have a solution, she might be able to make me feel better about it. "Grace found the background check," I explained, heaving myself into a seated position in front of her.

"What background check?" she prompted. I really thought she would have known about it already. Steph knows almost as much about what goes on in this building as Ranger does.

"The one I couldn't decided if I wanted to do, but Bobby had already done and gave to me in an envelope with her name on the front," I explained, deflating with every word that passed my lips. "The one I was still trying to figure out if I should read when I realised that since Bobby already had and hadn't warned me about dating her, I didn't need to. The one I stupidly tossed beside the fruit bowl and completely forgot about until Grace found it, took it and presented it to me when I met up with her today. The background report that she now assumes I have read, which obviously means I'm a liar who has been manipulating her this entire time, and therefore cannot be trusted."

Her eyes turned sorrowful and I thought for a second that she was on the brink of tears, but then she sniffed, and shook her head. "Shit, Les," she murmured. "That sucks."

I nodded. "This is all Bobby's fault." If he hadn't given me the file. If he'd just told me there was no reason he could find for me to not date her, this never would have happened. There wouldn't have been anything for Grace to find or be angry about.

If Steph thought I was being an idiot by blaming the whole thing on Bobby, she didn't let it show on her face. "I guess that's why he sent me instead of coming to check on you himself," she reasoned.

"Yeah," I agreed. "I already had it out with him on the way back."

"You know he was just-" Steph started, but I cut her off. I already knew where she was going with the sentence, and she was absolutely right.

"Watching my and Kenzie's backs, yeah, I know," I sighed. "I'm not mad at him. And I don't blame him, at least not entirely. I was the idiot who left it in the open where anyone could find."

Steph gave me a small, sad smile, accompanied by an approving incline of her head to let me know she was glad I wasn't actually blaming my best friend for my relationship problems. "I assume you've already tried explaining all of this to Grace?" she asked.

I nodded.

"And you're now sulking on the gym floor because she doesn't want anything to do with you?"

"I'm not sulking," I sulked.

Her eyes twinkled. "Sure."

She let a few minutes of silence pass between us, which I thought was very patient of her. Normally, even thirty seconds of silence in a conversation had her throwing out rapid-fire questions that had been swirling in her brain. She'd never been very good at quiet. But now, it just went to show how much she had grown and matured in recent years. She may have anxiety over the whole becoming a mom thing, but the universe had been kind enough to wait until she was ready. She had the best support system in Ranger, and knew exactly how she didn't want to treat the child from her own upbringing.

A snake of jealousy curled through my stomach at the thought. It wasn't a new snake. I'd grown well acquainted with it over they years. The fact that Ranger had found himself the perfect woman who loved him and whom he loved in return had been a bit of a sore spot for a while, and my marriage to Phoebe had only served to rub salt in the wound. I'd allowed myself to think that I'd finally found my own 'Stephanie' in Grace. She was thoughtful, and caring, and funny, and she wasn't afraid to call me out on my bullshit. And didn't that just make the snake stronger?

Maybe I wasn't destined to find my soulmate and live out a happily ever after, after all.

"You have feelings for her," Steph said quietly, breaking the silence.

"Yep," I replied, my voice hoarse as I whacked the snake on the head and tried to tamp down the rest of my feelings along with it.

Another, longer silence stretched between us and I couldn't help but feel the weight of despair bearing down on me. "How do I fix this?" I asked.

Her face was grim as she rubbed her belly absently. "How do you prove to someone that you don't know all their secrets?" I wasn't sure if she was asking me, or if she was simply thinking out loud, but I answered anyway.

"I can't," I pointed out. "Anything I say will either be correct, thereby digging me deeper into the shit, or she'll assume I'm lying. There's no way to win. I've thought it through a dozen times already. There's no way out. There's no way to prove that the only things I know about her and her life are the things she's told me."

"Then change the game," Ranger's voice instructed from directly behind me. I managed to not jump, but I hadn't realised anyone had gotten close to me and Steph. I'd been so caught up in my own bullshit that I'd tuned out everything around me. It was a good thing we were still inside the building or anything could have happened. "Instead of trying to prove that you don't know her secrets, try proving that she can trust you with them."

"How am I supposed to do that?" I asked of my cousin, not bothering to turn and face him. If he caught sight of my face he'd know he'd startled me, and I didn't want him to have that kind of information.

Ranger took two steps around me and held out his hand to Steph, pulling her to her feet and wrapping his arms around her, his left hand resting on her stomach. "Start by apologising," he instructed.

"I didn't-"

I was going to point out that I hadn't actually done anything wrong, but Ranger was a step ahead of me as always. He held up his hand to cut me off. "Were you, or were you not in possession of a full background report on your girlfriend?" he questioned sternly.

"I was, but-"

"Apologise," he reiterated. "Ask what you can do to try and earn back her trust, and then do it."

I tried to protest, to point out how risky a play that was. "What if she –" I started, but Ranger lifted an eyebrow.

"Whatever it is," he said, his voice hard as steel. "If you love her as much as I think you love her, you'll do it."

"Within reason," Steph added hastily, eyes wide as she looked between her husband and myself. "No committing felonies or anything like that." She knew us both too well to believe we would let a silly little thing like the law get in the way of trying to prove our worth.

Ranger gave a short nod. "Right," he agreed.

I sighed. It was worth a shot, I guess. "So, I do as she asks, and…?"

He shrugged, his gaze having drifted down to Steph's. If I hadn't already assumed he was speaking from experience the way they were looking at each other would have made it obvious. The snake in my stomach stirred irritably. "Eventually, she'll calm down," Ranger said. "And if they universe is feeling generous, she'll give you a second chance."

It was an underwhelming prognosis, to say the least, but there was no way Ranger could have given me a hard and fast 'this will get you the girl back' method, so I'd have to take what I could get. "Thanks for the inspiring pep-talk, Dad," I said sarcastically, stopping just short of an eye roll.

Ranger let one of those wide Manoso grins slip onto his face, all gleaming white teeth and twinkling eyes. "You're welcome, son," he replied, playing into my joke. And then, he let me know just how much of my conversation with Steph he'd heard by adding. "Tank's been tutoring me."

A groan wrenched itself from my chest as I flopped back onto the floor, thunking my head on the heavy bag in the process. Since when was I the one on the receiving end of stupid jokes?