48
THE night of their wedding was surprisingly cold. Tonks repressed a breath as she restlessly paced back and forth in front of the door that was the Warlock of the Peace's office in the Ministry of Magic. It was a cold evening, the skies outside above them dull and grievous, promising a storm later.
Tonks looked towards the door, knowing that behind it, Remus was waiting for her, and yet, she couldn't manage to make herself feel quite as cheerful as she knew she should.
Every second that passed left her chest heaving with agony.
This isn't right, she thought in a strange sense of obscurity as she fidgeted with the ring she was meant to place on Lupin's finger in an hour.
This isn't right at all.
Her face was beginning to crumble, leaving her nose pink at the tip with stifled sobs. Dora swallowed down hard past the lump in her throat, not wanting to ruin her meticulously applied makeup.
Her hand instinctively drifted to the flat of her stomach. That was another surprise. Their baby was due in another seven months. She flinched as she recollected their argument when she had told Remus the news.
How Lupin had stormed out of their now-shared cottage in Wales, considering she had moved in with him the day he'd asked her to marry him and had Disapparated to Merlin knew where.
Her mother and father had comforted her, promising her that Remus would come back, and he did eventually return, though tensions at least at first had been thick between them. But he had eventually come round, and he'd promised her: no more running.
That he'd be there for them both. Tonks didn't know what Sirius and Hermione and Harry had said to him when he had returned, but whatever it was, she was more than eternally grateful they'd managed to talk some sense into the thick-headed werewolf.
She'd forgiven Remus eventually, but only after he'd shown to her how serious he was about making amends and had even gone so far as to clean up the vomit that she'd left in the tub for him to clean up on his own, without magic, the night he'd returned. Every inch of her now protested on their wedding night that Ollie and Norah weren't in attendance by their side to be the witnesses.
Like both of them had fucking promised.
But nothing could twist back time and spiral her back to that night where she and Ollie had argued up on the roof.
As volatile as the man was, as hot-headed and temperamental as her best mate could be, deep down, she knew he still cared for the werewolf, despite what she'd done.
"Nymphadora," came the familiar harsh bark of Moody, causing Tonks to look up in alarm, pulled from her thoughts. She'd not seen Ollie for the last three months, not since he'd vanished.
He'd sent one or two owls telling her that he was fine, but not to disturb him, that he was actively searching for Norah, though the prickly blonde wolf was nowhere to be found. Tonks stiffened at that thought.
She sincerely hoped that nothing had happened to her new friend.
Though if anyone knew how to conceal themselves and disappear off the grid for a while, it was going to be a werewolf. Tonks figured Norah was used to keeping a low profile, and even more so especially now, that she was apt to have Greyback's wolves hot on her trail, and maybe a few of the Dark Lord's followers. Tonks swallowed a lump in her throat. No matter what happened, she just wanted both of them to be safe. And she wished Ollie and Norah were here.
Their wedding didn't feel quite right without her friends in attendance. Tonks looked up towards the grizzled old Auror, dressed in a set of slightly shabby brown dress robes that looked like they needed to be darned, but otherwise respectable enough, she guessed.
Moody was waiting with an outstretched hand, acting in place of her father, who'd had to go on the run and had sadly, been murdered by a group of Snatchers, just because of his Muggle-born status. Tonks and Lupin had already discussed it.
If they were having a boy, they would name him Ted, after Dora's father. And if they were having a girl, Tonks liked Sophia or Hope. Sophia for a distant Black cousin of hers, and Hope for Remus's mother, Hope nee' Howell-Lupin.
Tonks blinked and came back to herself. She shot a somewhat furtive, guilty look towards Mad-Eye-Moody, who she guessed had been waiting for her now for quite a while.
Tonks swallowed down hard and blinked back her tears, exhaling slowly as her trembling hand reached for the Auror's arm.
It should be Ollie in Moody's place. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle, she thought sadly.
Tonks was growing increasingly upset and agitated on what was supposed to be the happiest night of her life, well, one of the happiest. She was sure her second happiest would be the day or night that her and Lupin's baby was born.
Moody took Tonks's arm politely and intertwined her arm around his.
It wasn't until he moved forward that Tonks was pulled back to the reality that she was more or less getting married to Lupin in private, with only Moody and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley in attendance, and that her friends were not by her side.
Tonks was in one of those rare moods where if she saw Ollie or Norah again, she would either threaten to jinx them both so hard they'd wind up in St. Mungo's for a week or she would run towards them and scoop them up into a hug and not let either one of them leave their side like that ever again.
Her white ivory floor-length dress flowed with her movements, the A-line skirt hiding the fact that she was two months pregnant. Not that she'd really started to show yet, but she would soon enough.
Tonks was already developing strange cravings. Her hair had changed to a light golden blonde color, though she'd snuck in the occasional pale pink strands as highlights of sorts. Mrs. Weasley had woven tiny white flowers into her hair and had helped her create a waterfall braid and had left the rest of her hair loosely curled.
The only jewel that hung from Tonks was a silver necklace with a delicate silver pendant in the shape of a wolf's head. Lupin would probably hate it, but she rather liked it.
She didn't give a damn that the man she was about to marry was a werewolf. Lupin's condition was manageable, as long as they had access to the Wolfsbane Potion and she gave him the space he needed in the days leading up to the full moon cycles, as he could get kind of wolfish and temperamental, and sometimes got horrible headaches the morning after.
Almost as bad as Ollie's migraines, she thought and squeezed her eyes shut.
Tonks didn't want to think of her best friend and what the man might be up to. Or Norah for that matter, wherever she was. She shook her head to herself and tried to rid her mind of the unhelpful thoughts. She didn't want to think about them now. Tonight was her wedding night, and the sole focus should be on herself and Lupin's happiness, she told herself.
As Moody nudged the door of the Warlock of the Peace's office open with the end of his wooden walking stick, as she and Mad-Eye began the walk down the aisle towards where her groom was standing in front of the Warlock's podium to receive his bride, it equaled despair on her face.
Tonks wished that she would see Norah and Ollie in attendance in their respective places, but the chances of that happening were one in a million, without knowing where either one of them had gotten off to if Norah was alive or dead. Ollie she wasn't worried about. The man was a son of a Death Eater and could resort to all manners of looking after himself, even if she didn't approve of Ollie's unorthodox and sometimes dangerous methods to get what the man wanted.
The moment the man in black turned to look at her, Tonks's stomach churned, and a smile flitted across her features, though Tonks felt it didn't quite reach her grey eyes.
Lupin's twinkling hazel eyes were fixed on her. Just her. As if the world around them had become devoid of women and Tonks was the only one left. It caused a fiery heat to creep her cheeks, but she dared not revert her gaze from him.
The crispness of his set of new black wizard's dress robes that she knew Ollie had helped him pick out that day in Diagon Alley when she and Norah had found her dress looked virtuous on him.
Tonks almost didn't notice the man's scars across his face, or how pale and tired he looked.
"Who comes before Merlin on this night?" the Warlock of the Peace's deep baritone voice resounded from an aging white wizard with a short, closely-cropped white beard and a wild thick tuft of equally white hair as he stood behind the podium.
The wizard had abysmal green eyes and uncallow, which almost—almost—reminded Tonks of Mundungus Fletcher, the slimy git, and bastard, back at Headquarters.
"Nymphadora Tonks, of the Tonks and Black family," the practiced reply came forth from Mad-Eye Moody, who shifted beside her, close enough that their shoulders touched. "She comes here tonight to be wed to this man," Here, his magical eye swiveled a bit in its socket before resting on Lupin. Tonks swore she thought she saw the man's face blanch, but if he was uncomfortable by Moody's piercing stare, then Remus was an expert at concealing it. "She comes to beg for the blessing of Merlin. To be one with this man's own family."
Tonks gingerly shrugged out of Moody's strong grasp and then looked down at her pink-painted manicured nails digging into the skin of her palms.
Ollie and Norah should be here. This isn't right.
She'd become accustomed over the last several hours as the day dragged on of repeating it over and over in her head like a mantra. Not that it did her any good. One glance to the left and right of the simple room was more than enough for her.
Their friends were nowhere to be found. They weren't coming.
"And who gives this witch?" the presiding Warlock of the peace asked again, his gaze unabashed and unwavering.
"Alastor Moody, standing in place of her father, Edward Tonks."
Tonks's skin crawled, prickling, and bile corrupted at the back of her throat at the mention of her father's name. Her dad's death was still so fresh in her mind. "Who claims her?" Moody barked, a question directed toward the obvious.
Lupin coughed once to clear his throat, turning his head to the side, hoping to hide the blush on his cheeks and elatedness. By the time he turned his gaze back to look at his bride, his face was once again serious, if not careworn.
"Remus John Lupin, of the Lupin family name."
Tonks swallowed, fighting back against the tears that begged to be freed, and her hallowed breathing strained her throat until it started to hurt.
They should be here. It's not fair, and it's not right.
"Nymphadora Tonks." Tonks looked up quietly at the mention of her name, and everyone in attendance, Moody, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and Remus could see the despair that was as plain as the nose on her face glistening in her eyes.
Even Moody temporarily lost his neutral expression and replaced in it was a cautious mask of silent weariness.
The Warlock of the Peace cleared his throat to distract the bride and groom from the hushed whispers behind their back from Molly and Arthur and even Moody. "Will you take this man as your husband, Miss Tonks?" he asked politely.
She looked around at the few in attendance who'd thought to come to bear witness to their union tonight. It should have been her parents among the crowd. Andromeda was in the back, of course, but even her mother couldn't bring herself to look quite as cheerful as she ought to have.
Tonks knew Mum was still mourning Dad's death, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had been disheartened to hear of Norah's dismissal from the Order but had agreed with Dumbledore's actions of removing her from the organization.
Ollie and Norah should have been here by her side, and Dad, and Charlie, and the rest of the Weasley family too, and the Order, save for Mundungus. And all of them were missing on her wedding night.
All of them just mere shadows on a fire that had stopped burning in her mind, Tonks knew.
Tonks gaped at Lupin, who was beginning to feel tense as his face drained, his expression suddenly fearful as if the mother of his child in another few months would say no and would leave.
Tonks bravely stepped forward to ease her discomfort and in a quick response, she said, "I take this man, sir. My—my apologies for the delay in answering you."
It felt as though a weight were lifted off of Moody and everyone else in attendance, marked by how the Auror let out a haggard breath and stepped off with a loud thumping noise as his prosthetic leg made a noise as he moved to stand next to Arthur. The people offered their blessings to the couple, one which Tonks would happily accept.
Though she made a mental note to jinx Ollie so hard the next time she laid eyes on the man that he wouldn't remember his own damn name.
Whether that was a week, a month, or a year from now, Tonks didn't care. She would wait. She'd bloody murder them both for missing the most important day of her life when they had promised them both and had taken back their words.
Tonks saw Lupin though, as Molly appeared between the two of them for a split second and served a goblet of what looked like wine to the groom. Lupin took it, stared at it for a minute, before sipping a small drop. She did the same thing for Tonks, who took it numbly and copied her groom's movements.
The Warlock of the Peace waited until both couples had taken a sip before continuing. "Remus John Lupin, would you now kindly give the token of your promise as this woman's husband to Nymphadora Tonks, and as a signature to both her and her family," the warlock announced, and Tonks's face morphed into one of utter confusion.
This was no part of the ceremony she could remember. Either that or she had been so preoccupied and lost with thoughts of her missing friends that she hadn't bothered to pay any attention during the brief rehearsal two nights ago.
Lupin stepped towards her, his light brown eyes twinkling as he took in the sight of his wife, silently slipping the plain gold wedding band on his love's finger, with Dora doing the same for Remus.
She didn't pay much attention to what the Warlock of the Peace said. Tonks was jolted out of her wanderings and half-closed her eyes when Remus pressed his lips to hers for a kiss, and the three people in attendance of their meager ceremony erupted into applause.
Their first kiss as husband and wife wasn't quick, she noted. He was still pressed against her face and his lips were like the sunset. When Lupin finally parted apart, her new husband was not quick to do so. Again, he kissed his wife gently, before pulling off and sighing into her lips gently, as though he could not get enough of the taste of her sweet kiss.
He opened his eyes to catch Tonks staring at him, before moving to press his lips to hers against her forehead.
Lupin reached down his hand and took hers, giving her left hand a light squeeze, smiling shyly as the rest of their guests bid them congratulations and then Disapparated.
"You look good wearing my future, Mrs. Lupin," he murmured, whispering his words into the shell of her ear that sent a tremor of pleasure down her spine as she turned to look at him. A smile snaked its way across her made-up features, her first genuine smile in what felt like weeks, truly.
Tonks closed her eyes and rested her head against the crook of Lupin's shoulder as she allowed the man to Disapparate with her back to their cottage in Wales.
No sooner had their feet stepped back down on solid ground than did warmth and the smell of butterbeer greet her like an old friend. Shadows played hide and seek along the walls of their living room as the fire in the hearth flickered lazily.
A five-pronged candleholder was lit on a small wooden table, next to a slice of delectable looking wedding cake and what looked like a tin decanter of ice water, since Tonks wasn't allowed to drink any kind of wine while pregnant.
"Mrs. Weasley cleaned it for us while we were getting ready," came Lupin's quiet voice from behind as she felt his arms snake around her middle and rest on the flat of her stomach. She closed her eyes as Remus rested his chin on her shoulder. "Do you like it?" he asked, referring to their simplistic little house.
It wasn't much to boast of, but it was home. And in Tonks's mind, a fine place to raise their baby.
She nodded and looked around before squirming in his gaze to better look Lupin squarely in the eye. My new husband, she thought, a smile flitting across her face. "Yes."
"Good." His voice echoed in the otherwise desolate room. "I want my new wife to be happy," he said, pressing his lips to hers for another gentle kiss. At his last word, his voice crackled slightly, but Lupin quickly recovered.
But not before Tonks had heard it. Her brows furrowed into a frown. "Are you alright, Remus?" she asked, concerned.
"You're worried about them. About Norah and Ollie," Lupin said after a moment in silence, with the two of them content to just take a seat on the rug in front of the fireplace, with Lupin nursing a glass of elvish-made wine and Tonks sipping at her ice water. Tonks nodded, confirming his suspicions. Lupin sighed, hoping to supplicate his new wife. "We can try to look for them tomorrow if you want. Ask around. Stop by Ollie's house, maybe? Didn't you say you've been to his place a couple of times?" Lupin asked, frowning.
Tonks nodded, but then she shook her head no. "He won't see us," she mumbled, curling her hands around her cup of ice water, and staring at the ice cubes clinking in the glass. "I can almost guarantee you he'll try to turn us away, Remus, and we'll have no choice but to listen to him. He's made it perfectly clear he wants to be left alone, but…"
Her face twisted in grief as she took a sip of water in the hopes of soothing her burning throat before setting her cup aside. "I'm worried about him, sweetheart. What if he hurts himself? He really cares for Norah and loves her, in his own way. He's never…" She hesitated, unsure of how much of her friend's background she could reveal, thinking it wasn't her business.
But in the end, she relented, remembering how many times Lupin had been there for Ollie, not just her.
"He's never had a woman return his affections before and given his upbringing, what his dad was like, Remus, this is all new to him. I don't blame him for being angry with Norah, but I'm pissed at how he fucking chose to handle it. He shouldn't have hit her, it's bordering on abuse, and I'm not going to stand for it. I need to talk to him, to find out what he's been doing, Remus. Will you come with me tomorrow?" she stammered, a light pink blush speckling along her cheeks as she thought of the pained expression he'd given her the night he'd summoned up enough courage to tell her how he felt for her.
And how Tonks had to be the one to instead break his heart into two and tell the man that she was in love with her now-husband. Before she knew it, her face was barely an inch away from Lupin's and she mustered the courage to look into the man's eyes before closing them as the newlyweds lingered in the anchorage of the warmth they gave off.
Their foreheads stayed rested against one another, their lips in a near-lock, and their fingers entwined so that the gold of their wedding bands sparkled in the red and orange light from the fire in the hearth. Lupin broke the silence begrudgingly so.
"Of course, I'll come," he murmured in a low, husky-sounding voice, heavy with desire. "But on one condition."
Tonks's eyes flung wide open as she pulled apart just slightly to look Lupin in the eyes. "A condition?" she asked, feeling an inexplicable pang of worry worm its way into her heart.
For some reason, she thought that, given she was pregnant, Lupin wouldn't let her come with to try to talk to her, considering the man's sometimes volatile mood swings. But truth be told, Tonks (aside from Norah, that was) had the best chance of reaching the man more than anyone else she or Remus knew, and she hoped he realized that.
Much to her relief, as she nervously met Lupin's gaze, she was pleased and relieved to see that her new husband was half-smiling as he looked at his bride.
"That you'll please mind your temper tomorrow when we go," he asked, almost shooting her a pained look. "There's no telling what his mood is going to be like when we go. Under normal circumstances, I would say let me deal with Ollie and let me handle him, but I think you're right in that you're the only one besides her he might listen to. Might," he added for emphasis, trying to tell Tonks that nothing was for certain. "And…" he paused, his voice trailing off as he leaned in to press his lips to hers for a kiss. "That you worry about what happens tomorrow when the morning comes, and for tonight, sweetheart, we're husband and wife for the first time, so let's not waste this?"
Slowly, he lifted his hands to Tonks's warm cheeks and pressed his lips to hers, and she was more than willing to welcome them.
Lupin ran his fingers through her pink-streaked blonde tresses and held her behind her neck before pressing his weight on her further until they rested on the rug in front of the fireplace, eager to spend their first night together as husband and wife.