Koichi couldn't feel anything.
It took a long time for the Warrior of Darkness to finally find a grasp on reality. He felt as if he was floating in a void, but he was grounded at the same time. His skin was numb, detached from the world that he had come to understand. His eyelids were heavy, and the world seemed to pass by around him, as if he was simply watching from some unseen seat within a grand audience of the dead.
When Koichi did finally manage to pry his eyes open, he was overwhelmed with the glow of gentle red light that surrounded him. He checked his hands and arms, searching for any bruises or other signs of harm. None could be seen, and he couldn't feel anything that would be damaging either. His mind was a haze, and nothing prior to his awakening was within the grasp of his memory, instead merely a distant promise that he wasn't quite able to understand. Koichi wasn't even sure if he would ever be able to comprehend what was taking place.
"You're awake!"
Koichi moved his head to the side to see that Nyaromon was sitting beside him. The small Digimon was watching him with wide, anxious eyes. She looked more afraid than any creature that tiny had any right to, and Koichi felt his heart twist at the idea that she had been so terrified.
"I guess I am," Koichi murmured, but the words felt detached from his body as a whole. He didn't feel real, almost as if he was simply playing out the motions that had been dictated for him to enact by some higher power. Still, he did his best to shove this sensation aside as he reached out to cup Nyaromon in his hands. He welcomed the bristle of the cat Digimon's hair between his fingers, and Koichi almost found himself infatuated with the warmth of her body. It pulled him away from his daze, and he was so desperate to escape the fog that had settled over him that he accepted her presence as readily as he could manage.
Nyaromon's anxiety remained prevalent as she continued to speak. "Hinoka and Mayumi are here too," she told him. Koichi briefly wondered how she would have been aware of who Hinoka and Mayumi were, but these concerns were laid to rest when he remembered that Nyaromon had first been taken care of by Hinoka after hatching, and chances were that the Warrior of Water had explained who everyone was while tending to the young Digimon.
Koichi practically jumped to his feet as soon as he process what she was saying, and he found himself dashing in the direction that Nyaromon kept on glancing in. He was positive that Hinoka and Mayumi were there. Sure enough, both girls came into view, stretched out on the surface of the glowing red ground. Their hair was messy, and there were countless flyaways that framed their bruised and scratched faces.
Koichi could feel the sickness creeping up on him again, and he couldn't help but wonder why they looked so damaged while nothing was wrong with him. There were no injures anywhere on his body, but both Hinoka and Mayumi looked as if they had gotten into a fight with the gods themselves. His mind was cast back to the initial battle against the Royal Knights when he had been left undamaged as the rest of the Legendary Warriors were severely injured by their foes, and Koichi felt nauseous all over again. He didn't understand what made him so different from everyone else, but he absolutely hated it.
Koichi kneeled down beside Hinoka and gently placed his hands on her shoulders before shaking as carefully as he could. She stirred immediately, letting out a small whimper of pain before she recognized that Koichi was there. Her eyes seemed sightless, almost as if she wasn't processing anything that was happening.
"Are you alright?" Koichi questioned softly, still not wanting to frighten her too much. He could remember from his days as Duskmon that Hinoka was a jittery person, and he didn't want to cause her any unnecessary stress. This was an awful enough situation as it was. They had no idea where they were, but it was clear that the quartet had wound up far from the location where they first fought against Alphamon.
Hinoka blinked a few times, trying to ground herself against the confusion of the world around her. "Yeah..." she eventually managed to whisper, and she pushed herself off the red craters below. Her hands moved to her hair, and her fingers curled around the ponytail at the bottom of the braid she was wearing. Hinoka froze at the realization that she was still wearing the same style that Izumi had done for her prior to their encounter with the Royal Knights, and guilt festered on her expression before she dropped her gaze to the ground.
"Ugh... I feel like I got hit by a truck..."
Koichi glanced over in Mayumi's direction as soon as he heard her voice. He couldn't help but agree that she looked absolutely miserable. Her eyes were exhausted, lacking the vibrancy that he had come to expect from her. All it took was the simple motion of her sitting up for her ponytail to fall apart completely, prompting Mayumi to sigh before she began pulling her brown hair back into its regular style. Nyaromon watched her nervously, seemingly unable to decide how she felt about what was happening.
"Where are we?" Hinoka questioned. She took Koichi's hand when he extended it in her direction, and the two used the help of the other to rise to their feet. Hinoka walked over to Mayumi before easing her to her full height. Mayumi stumbled at first, causing her to crash into Hinoka's arm. The Warrior of Energy shot the taller girl an apologetic smile, but it was completely devoid of the radiance that Mayumi regularly gave off.
Koichi had to admit that Hinoka's inquiry was a strong one, and he glanced around the area in an attempt to establish where they were. His gaze eventually settled upon a trio of spheres in the distance, and Koichi felt his eyes grow wide as soon as he recognized what they were. Flavo, Caeruleum, and the Digital World were all resting on the horizon, and the sun was starting to creep over the edge of the Digital World.
The planet itself looked nothing short of miserable. There were too many holes for Koichi to count, and he was even able to see as a small amount of land transformed into Fractal Code before disappearing. He knew without needing reassurance that one of the Royal Knights was responsible, and he hated the idea that their enemies were still wandering through the Digital World and harming all who got in their way. Koichi stared at the place where the periwinkle and lavender data had writhed prior to being stolen even long after the data had vanished from sight.
"We're on Rubrum," Hinoka concluded from Koichi's right side. Her voice was quaking with anxiety, and her eyes were still just as glassy as they had been before. "I think that this is where the tombs of the Legendary Warriors can be found... At the very least, that's what I heard Lyramon say when we were still the Fallen Warriors. I somehow doubt that we're going to be finding any Digimon to help us out as long as we're here."
Mayumi let out a heavy sigh before shaking her head. "I guess that we're just going to have to find a way off this place on our own," she murmured. "Maybe we should split up and see what we can figure out. Like Hinoka said, we're probably going to be here on our own for quite a while, so we should get to searching as soon as possible."
Koichi glanced down to Nyaromon, and the cat Digimon met his gaze. He looked over to Hinoka and Mayumi after breaking off the eye contact. "I'll search with Nyaromon, and you two can go off together," he told them. He didn't admit that he was secretly searching for a moment of privacy where he could sort out his thoughts. He felt as if he was spinning on the inside, and he needed a moment to take a deep breath and try to understand what was happening.
Luckily for him, neither Hinoka nor Mayumi seemed to realize. They nodded to him and started to walk away. Koichi continued to watch the two girls as they disappeared on the horizon, and he allowed the silence to settle in around him before his gaze dropped to Nyaromon once again. If he said that he wanted to search on his own, he would undoubtedly look suspicious, but he doubted that Nyaromon would ask him too many questions. She was still young and didn't understand much about the world at large, so she would be his best bet for companionship.
"Are you worried about something?" Nyaromon questioned, snapping Koichi out of his trance. Her eyes were curious and wide, and Koichi couldn't help but feel as if his every move was being scrutinized by the small cat Digimon.
Koichi hesitated for a moment, but he knew that the few seconds where he was silent had given him away. With a small sigh, he nodded. "Yeah," he murmured, but he didn't even know where to start in phrasing his concerns. He could tell that something was strange about him compared to the rest of the group. Why was it that he was the only one who never had to deal with his Fractal Code appearing? In fact, he looked completely undamaged compared to the rest of the group. Hinoka and Mayumi looked worse for wear, but he was completely spotless, free of injury with no signs that he had been in battle against Alphamon in the first place.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Nyaromon asked as Koichi started to walk. He wasn't particularly sure of where he was going, but he figured that trying to find a way off of Rubrum was better than just standing there.
Koichi nodded slowly, figuring that he might as well say that he was worried rather than bottling it until he feared he was going to burst. "I... I don't think that I'm like everyone else here," he explained slowly. "When we fought against the Royal Knights, everyone was hurt horribly. There were bruises and cuts everywhere. You saw how Hinoka and Mayumi looked just a moment ago. Still, there's nothing on me that indicates I was ever in a fight in the first place. It's not like I wasn't thrown around by the Royal Knights or anything. I know that I should have sustained severe damages too, but... There's nothing there."
Nyaromon frowned, considering his words as he continued to speak. Koichi let out a sigh before shaking his head. "I don't know... Then there's the matter of me becoming Duskmon when I was with the Fallen Warriors. I was the only one who had to deal with that sort of corruption. Everyone else maintained the regular Human and Beast Spirits while under Cherubimon's control, but I wasn't like that. It's weird to me... What is it that sets me apart? Why am I not like everyone else?" he questioned. He knew that he was rambling, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.
Koichi closed his eyes as he attempted to conjure any memories about what had happened to him directly before he arrived in the Digital World. In all honesty, it was a mystery to him. He remembered running and being desperate, but everything was a hazy cloud that rested in the back of his mind. Koichi's mind went blank there, almost as if the ground had been stolen out from beneath his feet. When he next came to, he had been floating in endless shadow. Cherubimon had given him the corrupted Spirits of Darkness, and he easily slipped into the skin of Duskmon, unquestioning as to what had happened to him and as emotionless as it got. Koichi himself was a mystery, and he didn't even know where to start in unwrapping the truth.
Nyaromon frowned and glanced down to the ground. "I wish I knew what to tell you," she confessed. "But I don't know anything that could help you, Koichi. I hope that you find out soon though." She nuzzled deeper into Koichi's grasp, and her eyes closed as she enjoyed the contact his hands brought.
"Thank you, Nyaromon," Koichi murmured, a sigh leaving his lips once again. He shrugged it off before letting out a falsified laugh that seemed to come all too easily to him. "I don't think that it's a huge deal right now anyways. We should be focusing on finding a way off Rubrum first and foremost. I'm sure that I'll be able to figure out what's going on later. For all I know, this won't even wind up being important."
Koichi knew that he was lying. There was a nagging sensation at the back of his mind that told him that something was wrong, but he wasn't sure about what it could have meant. He needed to figure out what made him so different from the rest of the group, but he had no idea where to even think about starting. He had other priorities in that moment though, so he was going to put his attention there. If he thought about this much more than he had to, he was going to drive himself over the edge, and he felt fragile enough as it was. The last thing he needed was to push himself too far and crumble completely as a result.
Silence fell upon Koichi and Nyaromon after that, and they continued their journey across the surface of Rubrum. As far as the eyes could see, there were craters on the gentle red ground, and the glow of crimson from the moon made the area feel ambient and magical. Koichi would have tried to commit the area to memory with plans of writing about it or sketching a picture when he arrived back on Earth, but he was too unsettled to notice the finer details. His mind would not leave the matter of his Fractal Code no matter how much he tried to convince himself to move past it and focus on the situation at hand. He had to get off Rubrum. He could think about his own issues at a later point in time.
It wasn't long afterwards that a large building appeared on the horizon. Koichi frowned to himself and started to walk a bit closer. He could see that it was made of black marble, and everything about the space was absolutely exquisite. The details started to come into view with each new step in the direction of the building, and Koichi could feel his jaw start to drop in awe at what beauty he was witnessing.
The building appeared to be a temple upon closer examination. Two columns held up a grand arch that stood above the entrance. The symbol of the Warrior of Darkness could be seen inscribed into the stone. It was a weathered building, but it appeared to be new in a strange way at the same time. Everything about it felt familiar to Koichi, and this sensation only intensified when he walked inside.
Koichi glanced around at his surroundings once he had entered the temple. The floor below was the same marble as the outside, and his steps echoed endlessly in the condensed space. There were six statues resting at the other end of the area, all of them curling around the outline of another Digimon.
"This must be the grave of the Warrior of Darkness," Nyaromon said, hopping free of Koichi's grasp to examine the area herself. She found the smallest Digimon in the line, and Koichi realized that they progressively got larger and more elaborate as the monsters went down the row. Koichi assumed that the statues were of the different evolutionary levels of the Legendary Warrior of Darkness.
Koichi's hand brushed against one of the statues, and he recognized it as Lowemon. Next to Lowemon was Umbramon, and Rhihimon was at the far end of the row. The Spirits must have been pieces of the original Legendary Warriors' evolutionary lines. They were fragments of the whole, and those pieces were given shape when he Spirit Evolved.
Koichi let out a small sigh as he walked between the statues to reach the largest one. It looked like a large lion of sorts, though Koichi probably would have described it more as a sphinx. He could tell that this was the original Warrior of Darkness without even needing to ask. His hand drifted up to the forehead of the beast, and he pressed his cheek against the side of the marble. He felt a connection to the statue, and he couldn't help but smile at the creature that he had once been.
When Koichi pulled away, he could see that Nyaromon was watching him. The small Digimon seemed infatuated with Koichi's admiration of the Warrior of Darkness, and the boy found himself blushing at her gaze, unused to having so much attention on him. He wanted to say something to break through the silence, but he wasn't sure of where he was even meant to start.
"Maybe the Warrior of Darkness will be able to give us a clue about how to get out of here," Nyaromon suggested. "You're the one who's most connected to him, so if anyone is going to be able to talk to his soul, it's going to be you."
Koichi found himself oddly hesitant to speak to the ancient Warrior of Darkness. He knew that he was going to have to at least try to bridge the gap if they were going to get off Rubrum, but he was anxious about it, far more than he had anticipated. How was one even supposed to go about talking to the soul of an ancient soldier? Koichi was connected to the Warrior of Darkness, yes, but he still felt as if there was something he was missing out on.
"You're worried," Nyaromon suddenly said, and Koichi had to bite his lip to keep from sighing to show how accurate she was. Then again, he was positive that Nyaromon already knew how right she was with the assumption.
"Yeah," Koichi whispered after a long, heavy pause filled the air. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do... I want to try, but..." In all honesty, Koichi found himself selfishly wondering if perhaps the Legendary Warrior of Darkness would answer more questions than just how to get off Rubrum. For all he knew, the ancient Warrior of Darkness would be the one to tell him how he was so different from the rest of his team. Koichi was desperate to know, and he supposed that perhaps his previous incarnation would be the best place for him to find answers of that nature.
"You don't need to hold back," Nyaromon told him. He had to actively resist the urge to cringe at her words, not wanting to let on how nervous she made him with her perfect assessments of his personality. "I know that you're trying to not worry me, but... I know that there's something going on with you, Koichi. Everything about the way that you carry yourself makes it obvious."
Koichi thought about Nyaromon's words for a long moment. It appeared that even if her memories had been taken by Saki at Ophanimon's request, the young Digimon retained her wisdom. She was a child, yes, but she understood all the concepts that came with being adult. It was a strange paragon that he didn't quite understand, but he supposed that it made sense. After all, Patamon had certainly fallen under such a category, offering the input of someone far beyond his years without even needing to try.
When the Warrior of Darkness did respond, he nodded slowly. "I don't want to make anyone worry," he confessed, though he supposed that this was rather obvious. "I know that everyone is putting up with a lot right now. The Royal Knights did a lot of damage, and we still need to find a way to save the Digital World from their tyranny. I can't be distracted now."
"You aren't a burden for wondering why all of this is happening," Nyaromon said firmly, and Koichi felt himself freeze at her words. "It's normal to ask questions and wonder what's happening in the world around you. I know that I was curious when I was first hatched, but Hinoka told me about everything that I needed to know. If you want to ask the Warrior of Darkness for more information about what's going on with you, then you should do it. I don't think that it would bother him. After all, he was the one who chose you as his host."
"I suppose you're right," Koichi murmured. Of course the Warrior of Darkness would feel linked to him. Koichi was the proxy through which the Spirits of Darkness found form, the only one who could hold them. He would have this duty until the day that his soul departed from the land of the living, and it was a heavy task that no others had been given prior to his generation. It was natural for him to wonder what was happening, and he knew that the answers that he sought could only be found in the previous Warrior of Darkness' words.
Koichi reached out one hand, but he found himself pulling away when he got too close. This didn't feel right. There was a part of him that wondered if he even wanted to hear the truth. What if something that he heard completely changed his world? Koichi couldn't help but fear that perhaps the answer would be far more terrifying than the question, that the universe would completely fracture around him if the response wasn't what he expected.
Koichi didn't want to believe that this would be true, but it wasn't as if he had ever been experienced in asking questions about things like this. The last time that he had been this curious about something, it had been about the brother his grandmother had mentioned in her dying moments. Koichi had done the research on his own, and while he did find love and care, he also found anger and rage unlike what he had ever known before.
Koichi stepped away from the statue of the Warrior of Darkness, and he took a seat on the ground in front of the semicircle of carvings. Nyaromon jumped into his lap, curling up against the heat of his body. Neither one of them spoke, simply choosing to take comfort in the presence of the other.
He wondered about many things in all honesty. Koichi had a thousand and one questions brewing in his mind, though that could have very easily been a low estimation. He swallowed dryly and closed his eyes, willing himself to stop thinking about it all. He hadn't ever been this torn before, and he didn't have the slightest idea as to how he was meant to cope with it.
Nyaromon's words about him treating himself like a burden hit far closer to home than Koichi wanted to acknowledge. In a way, that was how he had always seen himself. His mother had worked herself to the bone day in and day out trying to make ends meet for the two of them, and Koichi had always wanted to help her but didn't know how. All he could do was care for her when she fell sick from overworking herself, but that never felt like enough for him. There had to be something else that he could do, but he was never able to find out what it was in time to aid her.
That had been the primary reason for his secrecy regarding his investigation into his relationship with Koji. Koichi had feared that by asking his mother about his past, he would somehow burden her more than she would be able to take. Tomoko Kimura carried the world on her shoulders, and no matter how much weight was added to her shoulders, she kept pressing on with a smile on her face. She never showed the world how exhausted she was though, hiding it all behind a grin that was as easy as it was falsified.
Koichi had come to understand his place in the world as soon as he started learning more about his brother and father. To Tomoko, he was a burden, putting more stress on her shoulders than she deserved. She never complained about it, but Koichi could still feel that it was true. To Koji, he was unknown, someone who he would never be able to glimpse unless the shadows parted to somehow allow the light to shine through. He hadn't even known that Koichi existed prior to their first encounter in the Digital World. To Kousei, he was unwanted, a piece of trash that had been tossed out and washed away with the rain of turbulent times. Kousei had departed and never looked back, leaving Koichi and Tomoko to suffer due to having nothing while Kousei lived with everything.
Koichi was still afraid to open up to the rest of the Legendary Warriors. If he was being honest with himself, he never would have even opened up to Koji if not for his brother's immense curiosity. Koichi had wanted to hide from the rest of the world as soon as he was ripped away from Duskmon, and he knew that he would never be able to blame anyone for disliking him due to his monstrous actions while acting as the false Warrior of Darkness. He maintained his distance for many reasons, but the primary cause of Koichi's detached nature was simply because he didn't feel that he deserved their love.
Even if he hadn't been Duskmon though, this would have been an issue. Koichi loved his mother with everything that he had, but he never seemed to have enough care in his heart left to direct at his own reflection. Koichi had always treated himself as a burden, a weight to be carried, rather than a person. He knew that it was an issue, but he didn't know how to pull himself out of it. After all, to ask for help was to bother others, and that was the last thing that he wanted to do.
Koichi didn't realize that Nyaromon was staring up at him until he met her eyes by chance. There was something mournful yet curious about her gaze, and it almost startled him. "Do you want to talk about it?" Nyaromon asked as soon as she realized that she had caught his attention.
For a long time, Koichi didn't respond. His instinct was to decline her offer, to say that he was alright on his own, but the more that he thought about it, the more that he realized he was only lying to himself by insisting that he could handle such stress on his own. As much as he wanted to say that he was fine, he knew better than to be dishonest with someone that could see right through him. Besides, for all he knew, this was all that he needed to start to feel better about his place in the world.
"Yeah," Koichi repeated, and he found himself blinking back tears before he knew what was happening. He raised one hand to scrub at his face, but that did little to ease the rising feeling of anxious tragedy. "I... I feel like I'm a bother to everyone here. I don't feel like I deserve them. I don't understand how any of them can forgive me after all that I've done, but... That's not just it. I don't feel like I deserve them in general. Even if I wasn't the one responsible for causing them so much grief, I still wouldn't deserve them. I haven't ever felt wanted."
Nyaromon was silent as she listened to him, and when she was sure that he was finished talking, she offered a response. "If they didn't want you here, you would already know it," she told him. "I haven't gotten the chance to meet most of you because the Royal Knights attacked, but... Hinoka seems to really care about you all. Her eyes lit up when she was talking about you and the rest of the team."
Koichi didn't know what to say to that, and he could tell that shocked tears were streaming down his face. This time, he didn't bother to wipe them away. Instead, he simply allowed himself to be pulled in by the lullaby of Nyaromon's words.
"You aren't a burden just for existing. No living creature is a burden," Nyaromon went on, and her voice was filled with the same charismatic confidence that Koichi had once heard that Ophanimon was known for. "You deserve to be cared for, and so does everybody else. You deserve to hear the answers that you've been looking for too. Even if you can't love yourself yet, the others certainly do, and they're all here for you. I know that I am too."
As Nyaromon nuzzled her body against Koichi, the Warrior of Darkness let a sob escape his lips. He hadn't ever heard anything that kind before, and he wasn't sure of how he could even respond. Koichi's vision was blurred as he started to cry openly, and he found himself scooping up Nyaromon's small form into his arms. He pulled her in tightly, and he could feel the gentle flicking motion of her tail rub against his cheek. Despite his attempts to speak, the syllables would not form, leaving them both to sit wordlessly as Koichi's sobs echoed throughout the darkened marble temple.
Time continued to pass them by, and Koichi's crying only continued. Nyaromon watched Koichi from below for a while, and a smile appeared on her face when he finally began to grow closer to silence. "We all care about you, Koichi. I'm sure that the Warrior of Darkness feels the same way. He must have chosen you for a reason, and he must have known that you would want to communicate with him at some point. All you need to do is reach out and close that gap. I'm sure that you can do it with a little bit of confidence," she told him.
Koichi nodded slowly, and he let out a sigh as he swallowed dryly. He willed himself to stop crying, knowing that he had been sitting there with Nyaromon on his lap for quite some time. He wasn't sure of how much time had passed, but he was positive that she was right about him needing to communicate with the original Warrior of Darkness. Only his previous incarnation that would have the answers that he was seeking, and he had to close that gap somehow. If he was going to find out what made him so different from the rest of the group, he was going to have to start somewhere, and this seemed like the perfect place to step out of his comfort zone.
The Warrior of Darkness got to his feet slowly, allowing Nyaromon's words to echo in his mind. He found himself walking closer to the statue of the original Warrior of Darkness, finding a path between the marble carvings of Lowemon and Umbramon to come into contact with the largest of the group. Koichi's fingers drifted forward, and he cupped them against the darkened chin of the statue as he closed his eyes, pressing his forehead against the dark stone before him.
Koichi couldn't stop thinking about what Nyaromon had said as he allowed his mind to slowly slip into something that slightly resembled peace. Nyaromon was right in saying that he wasn't a burden, and he almost wanted to kick himself for taking so long to believe it. Koichi had never heard anyone express such kindness before, so he hadn't been aware of how to handle it. He had thought that he would always be an unnecessary weight to those around him, and it felt oddly liberating to finally be free of that idea thanks to Nyaromon's kindness. He couldn't help but wish that he had been given the chance to get to know the original Ophanimon, the one who had spawned such charisma and care, prior to her death during the battle against Cherubimon.
Silence covered the temple after the last of Koichi's tears fell to the floor, and he dedicated his full attention to the statue that rested in front of him. He wasn't sure of how he was supposed to make contact with the ancient Warrior of Darkness, but he was far more confident in his abilities than he had been before. He had been subconsciously trying to prevent himself from seeming like a burden, but he was the only one who thought of something so drastic and self-critical. The Warrior of Darkness had chosen him to act as a vessel, and Koichi knew that he could at least rely on one soul when the rest of the world had abandoned him.
Still, contacting the ancient Warrior of Darkness would not be easy. As far as Koichi was aware, the ancient Warriors had been exceptions to the idea of Digimon regenerating as eggs because of their raw strength. Their memory data had been too strong in the aftermath of their deaths, leaving such immense power to thrive in the air of the Digital World before finding a home on Rubrum. The lost souls had found a place once more through the new Legendary Warriors after being nothing more than bodiless shells for countless generations. There had to be a way for them to contact one another. After all, if such was not the case, how could Koichi and the rest of his team have been chosen in the first place?
Koichi's doubts finally ebbed away fully, and he allowed himself to dedicate every piece of emotionally exhausted energy he had left to the statue that stood tall and proud in front of him. He would have asked the Warrior of Darkness to answer his pleas, but something deep down told Koichi that he was going to hear a response sooner or later no matter what happened.
Hinoka sat down slowly on the ground of Rubrum, a light sigh pushing its way free of her lips. Her eyes shut as she braced her hands against the glowing craters behind her, and she leaned back gently. Mayumi did the same beside her, and the girls fell quiet aside from the gentle exhale of breath that occasionally left their lungs.
Hinoka and Mayumi had been searching for quite some time to find a way off the moon, but they hadn't yet located anything that could even remotely be considered a clue. All of their wandering had ultimately amounted to nothing, and Hinoka had sat down when she realized that she was in desperate need of a break. Mayumi had been all too happy to follow up on the suggestion, and that brought them to where they were at present, sitting awkwardly in the silence with no way of figuring out what they were supposed to do next.
"You know... I didn't expect for any of this to happen," Mayumi commented, and Hinoka was pulled from her quiet musings regarding the world outside Rubrum upon hearing her words. She glanced over to see that Mayumi was watching the skyline with something bright in her eyes.
Hinoka shifted her posture to show that she was listening, and Mayumi seemed to sense that her attention had shifted. Mayumi let out a small laugh before shaking her head. "Well, obviously I didn't know that all of this was going to happen... There was no way for any of us to predict that we were going to wind up in some alternate world with a destiny we had no way of understanding shoved into her hands, but... That's not exactly what I'm talking about here. I mean that I didn't expect to be around so many people who I care about and who I know care about me in return. It's so weird to think about... I mean, I know that all of this is real, but that doesn't really detract from the shock of the whole situation, you know?"
Hinoka nodded slowly, and she found herself laughing nervously at Mayumi's words. "Yeah... I get it," she murmured. "It's not like I was particularly used to talking to others like this before we came here. I spent a lot of time in the weeks leading up to the Digital World trip alone. Nobody ever wanted to talk to me, and I didn't want to bother them."
"You too, huh?" Mayumi questioned, and a nervous yet relatable gleam slipped into her gaze. "I guess that I shouldn't be surprised. All of the people who came here seem like they're outcasts in some way or another. I mean, I expected Izumi to be the queen of popularity, but look at where we are now. She doesn't seem to fit the bill at all. The same goes for Takuya. We're not exactly what the rest of the world would expect, and I think that's what makes us all so perfect for each other."
Hinoka hesitated before offering her response to Mayumi. "You know... I never would have thought that you were anything but beloved by everyone that you meet," she confessed. "I wish I could be a bit more like you. I mean, you're so nice to everybody that crosses your path. Plus, you have this radiant personality, and you seem so strong... I guess that I just admired that."
Mayumi appeared to be taken by surprise at first, but her shock soon turned to laughter. "You know, Hinoka, you're not at all what I expected either," she admitted. "I don't really know what I was anticipating when I first met you, but... I don't really think that it was this."
Hinoka didn't really know how to reply to that. She found herself fumbling for words for what felt like an eternity before she let out a sigh, giving up and resigning to her fate as the anxious disaster that she had always known herself to be. "I... Um..." she managed to choke out, still struggling to think of anything to say that even resembled coherency.
Mayumi laughed once again, and she shook her head. "I didn't mean that as a bad thing, you know. I could always tell that you were distant and didn't want to get too close to any of us. I think that was obvious from the very beginning. What I didn't see coming was this awkward and sweet side of you. It's like you've got a heart of gold or something. It's oddly refreshing to be around someone who's just a nice person, no strings attached, you know?" she prompted.
This was an easier subject to respond to, but Hinoka still found herself struggling. "I don't know if I would go that far... I'm not exactly an angel by any stretch of the imagination," she muttered, but she found part of herself wanting to believe that maybe Mayumi was right. She didn't know the other girl well enough to truly make an evaluation on what Mayumi was trying to get at, but Hinoka held tightly to her hope regardless.
"It's enough for me," Mayumi shrugged. The air was heavy with a pointed silence before Mayumi continued. "Back home, it's always just been me and Haroi. There wasn't ever anyone else to stick up for us. We only had each other, a pair of outcasts against the world. Hearing that you admire me is honestly kind of strange. Tons of people have made it clear that they don't like me the way I am, and yet, you seem to."
"Why wouldn't people like you?" Hinoka asked, taken aback by Mayumi's words. "You're so kind to everyone, and I don't know how you can pull off being so confident. I wish that I had the boldness to speak my mind the way that you do. All I wind up doing is biting my tongue until I feel like I'm about to explode from the pressure."
"I guess that people think I'm too much for them... Too much energy, too much passion, too much ambition... Take your pick. Not many have ever bothered to get close to me because they weren't sure of what I would do. Maybe they thought I was a wild card. I don't know for sure, but I don't think it matters much anymore," Mayumi told her. "I have all of you guys now, and I think that's a lot better than trying to get to know the kids who never wanted to accept me at school. I'm tired of seeking out the approval of others. I'm happy now, and if anybody wants to throw a tantrum about that, then it's their problem rather than mine."
Hinoka shook her head, though it was more a gesture aimed at her own faults rather than disproval of Mayumi's boldness. "I wish I could say the same," she confessed. "I couldn't stop trying to make everybody happy. I didn't care about what happened to me as long as those around me were satisfied with what was going on. It was all that mattered to me, for better or worse... I should have had the discipline to say that I had a limit, but... I could never establish that barrier, and I think that it's caused way more problems for me than I could ever hope to count. You say that everybody else finds you to be too much, but... I don't think that I've ever been enough."
Hinoka could tell that Mayumi wanted her to continue, so she sighed and allowed herself to go on. "I put up with a lot of things so that people would be happy with me. I wasn't ever satisfied with what was happening, but... I guess I thought that I would rather suffer as opposed to the people around me. I couldn't ever say when something was wrong, and I nearly fell apart when anybody pushed me too hard. Look at what happened when I was under the control of Cherubimon. I caused way more problems than I solved, and I think I can say that without a shadow of a doubt."
"Low self-confidence, huh?" Mayumi questioned, and Hinoka hesitated before responding with a nod. The Warrior of Water let out a gasp of surprise when Mayumi threw an arm around her shoulders, and despite their height difference, Hinoka found herself leaning into the gesture. "I think that the people who treated you poorly in the past didn't know what they were missing out on. I mean, I'm happy hanging out with you now. Anybody who isn't satisfied with how you are is an absolute buffoon, and I have half a mind to tell them that myself."
"There's that honesty again... I wish I could stand up for myself like that," Hinoka muttered. "I'm scared of upsetting people by doing something like that, so I simply choose not to... I guess it's just easier for me to stay quiet as opposed to saying that something is going on. It's not ideal, but... It's not as if everything in life always is."
"You don't have to go back to that though," Mayumi told her. "I spent a long time trying to impress others too. I guess it all started with my mom. She wasn't ever happy with me since I didn't fit her ideas of what I was supposed to be as her kid. I just wanted her to care about me, but... Since coming here, I've realized that asking for her approval is pointless. I mean, she's been out of my life for ages, but... If she was still around, I think I would have given up on trying to get her to care. If she was going to care about me, she wouldn't have mistreated me like that. You all have shown me that I don't need to put up with that sort of thing in the name of the false image of love. I don't need the approval of my mother, and I don't need complete strangers to care about me either. As much as I pretend to be laidback and relaxed, I can get pretty nervous about what others think of me, but... I'm not going to let that bug me anymore. I'm enough for me and the people I care about. That's what matters most, and nobody is allowed to take that away from me."
Hinoka was struck silent by Mayumi's words, and no amount of stammering could even come close to hiding it. She hadn't ever bothered to give herself the time of day in such a manner. As far as Hinoka was concerned, her life was mostly dedicated towards making those around her happy. Back in the days of her youth, she had been lonely and longed for companionship above all else. When she finally found it, Hinoka did anything to make sure that those who were supplying such happiness to her were happy. No matter how much it hurt her, Hinoka didn't care. All she wanted was for the person she cared about most to be happy.
Her relationship with Emon had been a byproduct of her desperation and isolation. Hinoka had wanted nothing more than to satisfy him for bringing her out of her years of loneliness, and she hadn't bothered to look in the mirror at the consequences that brought. Deep down, her care for him had started to dwindle over time, leaving only obligation in its place. Still, even if she was unhappy, Hinoka had pretended to be alright with it. After all, Emon was happy, and as far as she had been concerned, her only purpose in life was to satisfy others. She hadn't ever given her own emotions any attention, and Cherubimon had exploited the overpowering force of her own self-doubt as years of issues were left to fester and build.
In a way, Hinoka's connection with her mother had also been strained due to her issues with Emon. One of the primary reasons that she stayed with someone who had hurt her so greatly, aside from her clear wish to make him happy, was that it made her mother smile. Hinoka's mother had always thrived off the idea of her daughter finding love after her own relationship had fallen apart so completely. It all tied back to the idea that Hinoka treated herself only as a puppet who existed to please others. She had neglected everything that involved her own thriving and self-care in the name of something that shouldn't have had such a negative impact on her in the first place.
She wished that she had heard Mayumi say such an important thing sooner. Perhaps her years of suffering could have been prevented if Hinoka had been given the chance to stand by the side of somebody like Mayumi. It was impossible to please everyone, and while that had once discouraged her beyond imagination, she knew now thanks to Mayumi that she deserved better than that. She couldn't make everyone happy, and that was alright. As long as she was comfortable with who she was, Hinoka would be alright. She could extend such care to her closest circle, to those who were most deserving of her affections, and leave it there. She had gone wrong in the first place by daring to step too far into the eyes of others.
Hinoka swallowed back her nerves before her expression turned to determined steel. "I'm not going to let that happen anymore either," she said firmly. She believed it far more than she had expected herself to, and Hinoka somehow knew that she was going to do all that she could from that point forward to leave the issues of others where they belonged. She didn't want to cross over too many lines, to put her in the awful mindset of not being enough, ever again.
"I'm proud of you for saying that," Mayumi grinned, nudging gently at Hinoka. "I know that it takes guts to get over stuff like that. Believe me when I say that I wasn't always like this. I mean, I feel like I made that kind of obvious given the way that I was talking before, but... Oh, you know what I mean."
"I do," Hinoka confirmed with a nod. "Thank you for everything, Mayumi. I really do appreciate hearing your insight about all of this... Hearing you say it out loud really does make it clear that we aren't alone the way that we used to be. I spent so much of the past few years being isolated from the world, but... That isn't how it is anymore. I'm happy here, and I'm not going to let anybody ruin that."
Hinoka couldn't remember the last time that she had felt so free. Emon had always restricted her relationships with others out of a blatant show of jealousy. He didn't want her to get too close to those who he feared would take her away from him, manipulative insecurity that Hinoka fell for all too many times without realizing the abusive aspects of his personality. She had suffered under his silent grip so many times while they were together, and it wasn't as if she had been released from grief completely after the two of them broke up.
The parting moment between them had been far from nice. Hinoka had finally found the power to stand up for herself, but Emon had been upset that she had slipped away from his grasp. She had decided to stop defending herself after the explosive outburst of anger that he had directed at her. Hinoka had been convinced that nothing good came of her standing up against those who hurt her after Emon vowed that she would never enjoy herself again as long as he was alive. He had used his popularity within their school to spread false rumors far and wide about what had transpired between them, and they ruined what reputation Hinoka had left when she stepped out of his shadow, leaving her alone and wondering if hope still existed after her years of sadness.
But all of that had been forgotten in that moment. As she sat on the cratered moon with Mayumi, Emon was the last person on her mind. She was safe and far from his influence, a place where she could enjoy herself without his influence creeping into the back of her head. The other Legendary Warriors were there for her as well, and Hinoka knew that she would never be without them after their shared adventures in the Digital World.
Her fingers drifted up to where her braid was resting against her back. Hinoka pulled it over her shoulder and examined the small ponytail at the bottom. It was the tie that Izumi regularly wore around her wrist, and Hinoka knew that she was going to have to give it back as soon as the group reunited. For that moment though, she took comfort in the trace of Izumi that she was able to hold so close for just a little while longer.
As much as Hinoka hesitated to admit it, Izumi had done quite a bit to change her self-image and thoughts on forgiveness. Hinoka had been so used to freely giving away reprieve from mistakes, offering a thousand second chances to those who hurt her so blatantly the way Emon did. When Hinoka was the one to stumble, she was always met with brutality and harsh words, causing her to believe that she was unworthy of the assistance of others.
Her actions as the Fallen Warrior of Water had been disgusting to even her at the time. She knew that she was behaving terribly, but she didn't have a way of stopping the hands of fate that pushed her ever onwards. Cherubimon was always watching, and he even took control when her morals grew too powerful for her to handle on her own. Duskmon's words of her weakness had lingered far longer than she had anticipated, and the Warrior of Water only continued to drown, unable to find a way to stop the pain that seemed to exist anew with each step she took.
The most abominable of her work had to be what she had done to Izumi. As Oceaniamon, she had been haunted for ages afterwards when she remembered the way that Kazemon had vanished beneath the waves of the thrashing whirlpool, knowing that she could have easily been responsible for the death of a human due to Cherubimon's manipulation of her memories and the overwhelming strength of her Beast Spirit pushing her too far. Learning that Izumi had survived had been a relief, but she hadn't ever imagined that she would be absolved of her guilt for actions that she could never reverse.
But that was when she had crossed over from being a Fallen Warrior to a member of the Risen Warrior team, and everything changed. Izumi openly reached out to her with a smile on her face, listening as Hinoka explained every reason that she had ever been pushed to such terrified violence while in the form of Aquariamon. Izumi had forgiven her, said that everything would be alright, and offered mercies that Hinoka never would have imagined could ever be reserved for someone like her.
The world had shifted in those quiet moments, and Hinoka began to realize that perhaps she was worth more than she had been led to believe. Mayumi's words had solidified such musings, but Izumi had been the one to start the domino effect that spiraled with enough force to change Hinoka's life for the better. She had recognized that perhaps her love of women, something that Emon had detested her for as soon as he discovered the truth, was not a reason for others to despise her for. Perhaps her feelings towards Izumi were stronger than she was acknowledging openly; in all honesty, Hinoka wasn't sure, but she couldn't bring herself to care. All that truly mattered was that she had managed to find a group to call her family, a place to identify without a shadow of a doubt as home.
Hinoka could say safely that she was a different person than she once had been. Her self-loathing had subsided to something far more merciful and kind, and she allowed herself to extend the love that she gave away to others so readily to herself as well. Hinoka knew that she still had a long way to go before she was fully able to understand the depth of what she needed in order to move towards the future and away from the abuse that Emon had visited upon her. Regardless, she knew that she had taken a step in the right direction, and all it took was a single step to begin the journey of a lifetime.
Hinoka knew that she would always be thankful to Mayumi for all that she had said. They were so different and yet the same all at once. Hinoka, the one who had never been enough to satisfy others, and Mayumi, the one who had always been cited as too much to truly make those around her happy, had found unity and satisfaction together. The Warriors of Water and Energy had bonded in a way that no others would ever be able to fully comprehend, bringing a sensation of magic to Hinoka that she would never let go of. She knew that she would remember this feeling of weightlessness forever, and true love finally wrote itself in glowing teal light upon the surface of her heart. After years of misunderstanding what truly constituted care for others, Hinoka finally understood, and she was positive that she would be able to keep such a definition in mind for the rest of her life.
Hinoka had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn't realized something was wrong until after Mayumi had suddenly darted to her feet. Hinoka tossed her braid over her shoulder and sunk into a defensive stance, desperate to return to the peace from a moment before. She could tell that something was wrong as well, but she wasn't positive of what could have changed so suddenly. There was nothing to unsettle her on Rubrum. She, Mayumi, Koichi, and Nyaromon were the only creatures for miles, and she somehow doubted that either one of the latter two would be capable of spooking Mayumi to such a degree.
A shiver ran up Hinoka's spine, and she whirled around to see that the outline of Leopardmon was descending from above. The Royal Knight had managed to find a way to the moon, though Hinoka could hardly say that she was surprised. After all, the Royal Knights had been given centuries to find out what worked within the Digital World regarding transportation. Chances were high that they had figured out how to make it onto the moons without the need of outside forces many years prior.
Still, Hinoka knew that there was no time for curiosity. She and Mayumi shared a brief glance before they reached for their D-Tectors. They sunk into stances that showed they were prepared for the battle at hand. Hinoka's confidence was born anew, and she could say with all the boldness in the world that she was going to win this fight. The Royal Knights weren't going to push her, or any other weakened victim, around ever again.
"Leopardmon is here."
Koichi was so surprised to hear the low voice that he immediately yanked his hand away from the statue he had been touching so tenderly. He knew that it was the echo of the original Warrior of Darkness, a fragment of the soul that he had left behind, and Koichi was sickened by the words that he spoke.
"What's wrong?" Nyaromon questioned, her eyes wide and glassy with fear as she watched Koichi from afar. There was a slight waver to her voice that broke Koichi's heart, and he longed to do something to free her of such fear.
However, he knew that the only way to save her was to stop the Royal Knight that had arrived to cause suffering in the first place. Koichi kept this well in mind as he leaned down to scoop Nyaromon into his arms on his way to the door. "Leopardmon is on Rubrum," he explained in between heavy, anxious breaths. His nerves were hitting a peak, and he was somehow growing even more agitated than he had been before. Koichi hadn't even realized that such a thing was possible.
Koichi allowed his anxiety to push him forward. He had to stop Leopardmon as soon as possible. All of his thoughts regarding his questions and the answers he desired had been shoved to the wayside. He would be able to return after the fight had ended. For the moment though, there were things far more important than his own morbid curiosity. He had to make sure that Hinoka and Mayumi were alright, and once they were together, they were going to have to bring Leopardmon's reign of terror to a screeching halt.
Koichi gave one final glance towards the statue at the center of the collection made from black marble. He was going to be back, and when he returned, he was going to hear everything that the original Warrior of Darkness had to say. He was finally going to have the answers that he needed, and he was going to embrace them regardless of how favorable they were to his ideals.
Another chapter down!
There are only two more chapters left until act four is over, and I can't wait. I've been looking forward to writing this chapter for quite some time, and I have to say that it most certainly did not disappoint. I loved it, and I'm hoping that you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it.
I loved the foreshadowing involving Koichi's secret. The truth is going to be uncovered soon enough, but for the time being, foreshadowing is going to have to suffice. I feel bad for making the poor kid ask so many questions, but asking questions is how you find answers. He's not going to hear anything favorable, but at least he'll know what's going on, and that's something.
The conversation with Koichi and Nyaromon wound up being an odd favorite of mine. It addresses the quiet aspects of his personality that Koichi has been hiding for so long, and I think it was a really great character moment for him. It also gave me the chance to carry over with Ophanimon's original charm into Nyaromon. Even if her memories are gone, her personality remains to some degree, and that sort of cheerful outlook is exactly what Koichi was searching for.
I want to point out that even if baby Digimon are young in the life cycle, they are still capable of understanding heavy subjects. I sort of mentioned this in passing, but even if they're young, they know about the Digital World since every Digimon has been regenerated a few times. Personal memories are gone, yes, but general knowledge of the world stays the same, hence why Patamon, Nyaromon, and Lopmon seem to act far older than their age would lead you to believe.
Finally, let's talk about that conversation with Hinoka and Mayumi. They're a very unique pair given how different they are naturally, but I still found that I rather enjoyed their banter. It also gave me a great chance to establish Hinoka's character the way that I did with Yumiko a few chapters back. It's something that both of them needed in their own ways, and I think that it all unfolded rather well.
Also, I want to clear up a potential misconception regarding Hinoka's references to Izumi at the end of the chapter. Hinoka doesn't know for sure if she has romantic feelings for Izumi, but she's airing on the side of that not being the case. Hinoka is still getting a grasp on her emotions after a period of heavy trauma, so she isn't sure about how to identify her emotions. If you choose to read it as romantic, that's your choice, but the fact remains that Izumi had a profound impact on Hinoka's life. All of the characters in this story are queer, so who knows? Maybe this could wind up happening at some point after the story. That's your decision to make, but I wanted to clear the air and say that for the time being, Hinoka doesn't have romantic feelings for Izumi.
That should be about all that I need to say about this chapter. Next week will be the fight against Leopardmon, and after that, the finale of act four will arrive. Until then, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Feedback is appreciated as always, and I hope you have a nice day, everyone!
-Digital