Days went by without Lightning getting any better.
She had lost a lot of weight, felt tired or dizzy most of the time, the pinkish strands of her hair hanging loosely around her face, she wasn´t even sure she knew this person that kept looking at her from the other side of the mirror anymore evertime she used the bathroom.
Was it really her?
That stupid disease she had contracted, she felt like it was slowly killing her.
Was eating away at her. It really did.
She was barely able to make it through the day anymore.
Getting up every morning had become an increasingly more demanding task with every passing day and her time at work had become something from a horror movie.
She was feeling weaker and weaker every day and she was barely able to keep her food in.
She had troubles performing at work. Big style.
She just couldn´t keep up with it anymore.
All the fighting, that endlessly running around patrolling the streets, the beach, the woods...
Hours on end...
She suddenly wasn´t up to it anymore.
What was suddenly wrong with her?
She couldn´t remember feeling this weak ever since she had received her Jenova treatment. Ever since her first ever mako shot really.
It was almost as bad as in her first few weeks in SOLDIER.
Were the effects of her cell treatment suddenly fading?
Lightning didn´t know.
And she didn´t know what to do about it either.
Nothing she wanted to consider at least.
So she did her best to keep on going as if nothing had happened, hiding her predicament from the others at work, hiding it from Serah and Snow, lest they got any ideas and try to take her to a doctor.
It was no good.
They noticed anyway.
She saw it in the way Angeal would look at her sometimes, his kind dark eyes full of concern, of worry, or the way Zack would ask her whether actually she was alright, whether something was bothering her or what was going on.
She evaded their questions as best as she could.
What was she supposed to say?
Whatever she told them, it would eventually lead to them trying to cure her with materia or making her go into medical care. And both of those weren´t exactly options. Right?
Right.
The only option that she really had was the silver haired first class who was fleeing the room now everytime she entered as if she had the plague.
She could only hope that eventually she would get better on her own.
But she didn´t.
Not at all.
And it wasn´t until about another week later that she was sitting in the bathroom in front of the toilet once again, that finally Serah approached her, that finally she realized that she was screwed. And it were her sister´s words that made the world around her crumble.
She had just gotten rid of her breakfast the wrong way again and was about to force herself to get back up on her feet when suddenly she sensed the younger of the Farron, Mrs. Villiers really, standing in the doorway looking at her from somewhere right behind her.
'Does he know?' Serah asked out of the blue, making the pink haired first class turn around with a start.
She had caught her throwing up again.
Shit.
'Huh? What are you talking about?!' Lighting countered, momentarily confused by what she had said there.
Her words just didn´t make any sense to her.
'Does he know?' Serah asked again, her gaze travelling down to her sister´s belly and up again to present her with a knowing smile.
'Wha...' Lightning opened her mouth to start again when suddenly it dawned on her.
Fuck...
When had been the last time she had had her period again?!
No...
Had she actually ever had one since she had returned to Bodhum?
She had...
Hadn´t she?!
Suddenly she wasn´t sure anymore...
No, No, No, No, No...
This so wasn´t happening right now, was it?!
NO. FUCKING. WAY.
Her expression turning into one of horror, of despair, her little sister standing in the door way, she only kept smiling that infuriating smile at her.
A warm, kind and understanding smile.
It almost made the warrior throw up again.
'You really should tell him, you know?' her little sister advices, giving an encouraging nod.
'He loves you. He´s got a right to know.'
It was the last thing she said before she turned to go, leaving the pink haired soldier on the cold grey tiles of the Farron bathroom, completely devastated.
It was only ten minutes later that Claire Farron left the house fully clothed and in a hurry as she rushed down the main street and towards the city´s shopping center, heading straight for the apothecary´s.
She didn´t even remember how she got there. How she got back again.
She didn´t care.
She didn´t even notice her feet hitting the pavement, didn´t even realize where she was until she was back safely locked in her parent´s old bathroom taking a seat on the toilet.
Her purchase sitting in her lap, she opened the tiny package with sweaty trembling fingers. And it was in a hurry that she read those fine printed instructions, easy to follow really.
Trying to do everything correctly she tried to pee on that tiny test stick for exactly three seconds, no easy task when your fingers were shaking like crazy. To then just sit there waiting, desperately praying for that test to be negative, desperately hoping against hope that what Serah had implied was nothing, just a stupid idea of her´s, desperately hoping that this had nothing to do with... Damn! She didn´t even dare think about this!
No...
It will be negative.
It. Will. Just. Be. Negative.
I´m not pregnant.
I can´t be pregnant.
I just contracted some illness.
Some terrible, lethal illness that´s going to kill me in a few days time. That's all.
That´s okay.
I´m okay with that.
But I´m certainly NOT pregnant.
Am I?
...
The longest three minutes of her life. They seemed to stretch into eternity.
Please...
Please let it just be negative...
The waiting symbol on the digital display finally fading, indicating that indeed the time was up, there was a second of blank dark screen until then finally after an seemingly unbearable amount of time, it flashed up again.
Written in bright flashing letters, there was only one single word.
Pregnant.
General Sephiroth Crescent was lying in his bed with his day clothes still on, eyes open, wide awake.
The thin cotton blanket was only covering his feet and the clock on the nightstand read 3:30 am.
Sleep was successfully evading him. Again. Had done so for the past few nights. And although he was tired (he really was) it was impossible for him to relax, impossible for him to clear his mind of his pink haired comrade he so unfortunately had fallen in love with.
He knew something was off, something was wrong with her.
It wasn´t the fact that she didn´t want to see him, that she didn´t want to talk to him, evaded him on every possible occasion.
That she hated him now. Had probably done so for a very long time.
No.
He was okay with that.
They´d been through that a thousand times already. It wasn't exactly anything new.
No...
It was something else entirely.
The way she had been keeping to herself. Avoided contact with everyone. With Genesis and Angeal. Even with Zack.
The way she seemed constantly tired. Sick almost...
And how she had entered the station that day, her eyes puffy and red... It didn´t take a shrink to realize that she´d been crying, that something was bothering her. A lot.
But no matter how much he turned this over in his head, the silver haired first class just couldn´t fathom what had upset her that much.
Her.
Claire Farron.
SOLDIER First Class.
He knew she wasn´t easy to upset in the first place.
Well...
Upset maybe... But not to an extend that made her cry. Or at least not so much that other people actually noticed. Thinking back on it he realized he'd never seen her cry in her entire time in soldier. Not even once. And she'd had plenty of reasons to do so, plenty of opportunities.
No...
She usually kept her feelings hidden behind that marble SOLDIER mask he´d taught her to keep on every second.
So why...?
Why was she suddenly having such troubles?
Why was that mask suddenly crumbling?
In front of everybody?
The silver haired general didn´t get it.
But what was he to do?
Should he approach her?
No, she definitely wouldn´t want him to.
Or would she?
No...
No way...
She was evading him at all costs again.
Had been doing so for days.
And he knew how proud and stubborn she could be.
Maybe addressing such an intimate topic, it wasn´t exactly the subtlest way to get her to talk to him again...
Not at all.
But what was he to do instead?
Watch her suffer...?
Could he do that?
Somehow he didn´t even wish to try.
Claire Farron did her best to hide her predicament from the others at work but somehow they noticed anyway.
She saw it in Cloud´s curious blue eyes, in the way Angeal would look at her sometimes or the way Zack would ask her whether she was okay, whether something was bothering her or what was going on.
They knew.
And she was a terrible liar.
But no matter how much she thought about it, she just couldn´t bring herself to talk about it. To anybody.
So instead of reaching out for support, she withdraw even further. From everyone. Sephiroth. Her family. Her friends.
She just couldn´t cope with it.
Couldn´t cope with the fear of somebody finding out about the dark little secret that was growing in her womb.
The monster that was growing in her insides.
Because surely, a monster it would be.
Wouldn´t it?
With Sephiroth the only possible candidate for a father...
With the two of them infected with homicidal extra terrestrial alien monster cells...
She couldn´t imagine the thing growing inside her anything else but exactly that.
A monster.
The seed of Jenova.
Jenova´s legacy.
And it wasn´t only that.
The fucking beast was giving her cramps as if it was planning to rip her open and emerge from the torn flesh of her belly any second.
It were those thoughts, those ripples of pain again, that were running through her head, her body, when she lay curled up in a small ball on the unmade bedsheets of her bedroom, tears streaming down her already burning cheeks.
What was she to do...?
'Are you okay?'
Serah was standing in the doorway again.
Somehow she seemed extra curious those past few days.
Well... Lightning couldn´t blame her. Her sister was with child after all.
'Yes. I´m fine. Thanks.' she stammered, gritting her teeth to hide another sob.
She was glad she was facing the wall this time. This way Serah couldn´t see her face, her pain, her torment.
Well...
She caught on anyway. She wasn't blind after all.
'Maybe you should quit, you know.' her little sister suggested from somewhere behind her.
Lightning could only furrow her brow.
'Huh?'
'Because of the baby... Maybe you should quit the Guardian Corps. Just stay here. Relax a bit...' she clarified.
'No... No... I´m fine...' the soldier assured her quickly.
Serah was right of course. She could really need a break.
But quit the Guardian Corps. No way.
How was she supposed to pull that off without everybody asking stupid questions?! Without anybody realizing...
Impossible...
'But... It´s dangerous...' Serah tried to argue. 'With all of those beasts... This isn´t about you alone anymore... You have to think about the baby too. What if something happens to you...'
Lightning could only shake her head.
Getting killed by one of those mutant dog things really was the best thing she could hope for at the moment.
'You still haven´t told them, hm?' Serah asked.
And she was right of course.
'You really should, you know. You won´t be able to hide it forever.'
She was right again.
The pink haired soldier wouldn´t be able to hide it very much longer.
How much longer anyway? A few weeks? Two months? Maybe three? How fast did your belly grow exactly?!
Either way. Soon her belly was going to go... Well... Huge. Everyone would know then at the very latest.
'Serah...' Lightning began carefully.
There was something going through her mind again. Something she´d been thinking about for the past few days. A thought that had occurred to her the lonely hours after that she had taken that fatal pregnancy test.
'Hm?'
'I... I think I...What if I don´t want it?' she began tentatively.
'Don´t want what...' her sister replied stupidly.
Turning around to give her that `Serah... Please.´ look, she saw her sister´s eyes go huge the second she realized what she meant exactly.
'You... You don´t want the baby?! But...' she stammered in a lack for words.
There was hurt and confusion chasing around in that pretty head of her´s. Lightning could see it plain on her face.
'Serah... It doesn´t fit me. It doesn´t fit into my life... It... I´m... I´m not like you!' she tried to explain tentatively.
Serah was devastated at the thought of it.
She could see it in her pale blue eyes.
'It is your decision...' she finally said before she turned away.
And she was right.
It was her decision indeed. Her´s and nobody else´s. Not even his.
Hours grew into days.
And days grew into weeks.
Lightning´s cramps weren´t getting any better. But at least they were getting less frequent. A lot less frequent, actually, mercifully giving her the opportunity to pursue her missions in those temporary gaps of peace.
And it was a good thing too.
With more and more of those vicious dog like creatures roaming the streets of Bodhum every day, the Guardian Corps couldn´t afford any weak links in their chains anymore.
No. The citizens of Bodhum needed them. Needed to get protected. And it was their duty to help them out.
And about her own secretly growing problem...
Well...
Claire Farron still hadn´t decided what to do.
Still hadn´t come up with a plan, with a solution.
The more she wanted to get rid of it, the tiny beast growing in her insides, the more she feared her Jenova cell anomaly discovered by some doctor crowning himself the next genius of this misguided generation. It really was the last thing that she needed. Was there a possibility for someone to find out about her treatment if she had a stay at the hospital?
Well... Even if they had no clue what they were dealing with, they most likely would realize something was wrong with her.
Her body didn´t behave like a normal person´s should after all.
And then there´d be blood tests.
And examinations...
And, and, and...
The list of her worries was endless.
No... She couldn´t just go to hospital to get this removed... Someone was bound to notice something.
What then...?
What was she going to do?
Keep it?
Impossible!
No way!
So in lack of a better solution, Claire Farron just didn´t do anything at all.
Maybe, if she was lucky, the thing would die before somebody even noticed.
She hadn´t exactly taken care of herself, of the baby.
She had been exercising, and fighting, had exhausted herself on plenty of occasions. She hadn´t eaten properly. She´d even received a few hits to her belly in some of her fights against the dog- like beasts...
Surely those weren´t exactly the best conditions for a baby to grow.
Yes... Maybe... Maybe she was just going to lose it anyway.
Lots of woman lost their children in the first few months of pregnancy... Right?
Right.
That was the reason one wasn't supposed to spill the beans so early.
Things like this happened to healthy young women everyday.
There was no reason she couldn´t be one of them...
Or was there?!
Would her Jenova cells even allow it?
Lightning wasn't sure.
'Hey... What are you doing?!'
She was crouching next to one of the mutant dog cadavers she had just slayed, her belly pains kicking in full force again like they did so often these days, especially after doing something particularly exhausting.
It was Sephiroth´s voice that rang out behind her and it instantly made her blood freeze.
Not him...
She hadn´t been talking to him ever since she had found out about her condition. Not since their last fight in that dim lit alley actually.
Not a single word.
And somehow she knew she couldn´t look into his face, his eyes.
Well... She had no choice this time it seemed.
'Nothing... I was just – AHGHHH!' she´d begun, jumping back on her legs to avoid suspicion when the beast inside her belly had mercilessly hit her with one of those cramps again, the intensity of the pain making her double over instantly.
Fuck... Why now?
'Lightning!'
He was at her side instantly and she felt one of his gloved hands grabbing her upper arm supportively.
'Are you injured?!"'The First Class general inquired instantly, as stepping in front of her to check her face, she felt his other hand coming to rest at her waist.
No, no, no...
This was not how this day was supposed to go.
Not at all.
She couldn´t let him come that close to her, couldn´t let him touch her, couldn´t afford for him to find out what was going on with her.
Who knew what that weird Jenova bond could show him, could reveal to him.
She internally screamed at him to step away from her, but as much as she wanted it, she couldn´t afford to push him away. Without the support of his arms, she might as well have tumbled to her knees.
'No... No, I´m okay.' she tried to assure him, helplessly clutching her abdomen.
It was no use.
He didn´t buy it for a second.
Mako green eyes boring into her´s relentlessly, he didn´t let go even when she try to pull away.
It was only a few seconds later that she felt her hand pushed away from her belly and the front of her dirty Guardian Corps uniform tugged upwards to expose the sensitive skin of her luckily still flat looking abdomen and her eyes widened in horror when she found the general in front of her shedding his gloves, when she felt his hand press against her skin, right at the spot where unbeknownst to him his child was growing in her womb.
Their child...
The thought of it... It caused a funny feeling to settle in her stomach.
Their child...
'Shh... Hold still... You might have taken internal injury.' he commanded and Lightning found herself comply.
What else could she do.
Even though Shin-Ra, SOLDIER, was no more, he was still her boss. Her general. Would always be.
It seemed only natural for her to follow his orders.
This way or the other, he´d get his will anyway.
So she only watched with trepidation as the man in front her closed his eyes, watched his brow furrow in concentration as he focused on their Jenova cell bond to use it to heal what he thought was just an injury from her previous fight.
The second she felt their cells connect, the pain stopped and the cramps were gone.
Great.
So it wouldn´t listen to her. But it did listen to it´s father...
It was bound to be a boy.
A boy...
Sephiroth waited for her muscles to relax, for her breathing to even as slowly her body came down from those waves of pain.
Thank you general...
'Did you receive a blow to your abdomen?'
She made to look into his eyes the second he opened them again. Beautiful Mako green eyes. Full of concern. Full of curiosity.
They both knew a kick to the abdomen from one of these dogs wouldn´t cause her pain like that. Wouldn´t probably even register in her mind. Hojo had made sure of that.
He knew that... Right?
He was bound to know.
And she realized this was it.
The moment.
She could just tell him.
Should tell him...
Should just get it over with and tell him the truth.
Why not?
He would probably find out one day anyway.
Just like Serah had put it, she wouldn´t be able to hide it forever...
'Lightning?'
The silver haired man in front of her gently reminding her of his presence, it took her a few moments to organize her thoughts.
'N-no... I mean Yes... I mean maybe... I don´t know... I... I´m not sure...' she stammered.
No. She couldn´t tell him. She just couldn´t.
Never.
Mako green eyes boring into her´s, she knew he was about to say something.
Something important.
'Lightning... I-'
The pink haired female cut him off instantly.
'Thank you.' she said.
It made the tall lean man swallow the rest of his words.
'It´s much better now.' she forced her lips to form those words.
And she saw relief there in his eyes.
Relief that wasn´t mirrored in her own.
Not at all.
Because even if her belly wasn´t hurting anymore, she knew nothing had changed.
Nothing was better.
Nothing was alright.
Nothing ok.
'Sephiroth! What the fuck are you doing! We´ve still got some work to do!' Genesis' shout reached them from a few meters away.
Impatient as always, the irritating redhead couldn´t give them even a minute of privacy, it seemed.
She heard the general give a low irritated sigh before putting on his gloves again he turned away from her and made back to their crimson haired comrade.
Their eyes meeting for that tiny moment, he turned to look at her once more, to give her a tiny silent good bye...
And it was the second that he turned away completely that she felt the thing inside her complain violently, that a sharp stinging pain hit her insides again.
As if it was yearning to be close to him, urging her to follow.
Claire Farron just stayed dead in her tracks.
The feeling was gone as quickly as it had arrived.
Good.
She couldn´t let herself be commanded by a bunch of cells growing in her belly.
Because surely... That was all it was.
Cells...
A cluster of cells really.
Right?
She wasn´t sure.
But one thing she knew.
This thing was stubborn...
Stubborn, just like it´s father.
Yes...
It was definitely going to be a boy.
No...
No, no, NO!
Not a boy...
A monster.