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They entered the apartment later that night. Neither had been since Saturday, and it felt strange and cold despite the kind weather outside. Anne immediately ran to give her plants some water and Gilbert scanned quickly if there was anything they needed to buy the next day for groceries.
"How are you feeling, Carrots?" Gilbert asked her, as she left to drain the glass she had been using for the water.
"So happy to be home" she confessed, looking at him. He smiled warmly. He was happy to be back too. "I'm so tired as well, to be honest."
"How have you been sleeping these days?" he asked directly, because her nightmares had been a worry every night. She bit her lip, not really giving a straightforward answer, but it was clear enough for Gilbert. "Come here, Anne-girl," he said, opening his arms and inviting her to a comforting hug. "I'll take care of you tonight, ok? First, we'll get you all cozy and relaxed for bed."
He kissed the top of her head and she relaxed in his arms. She had missed him more than what she thought possible and although the nightmares had not been terrible, by any means, she had woken up more often than usual, only to find an empty space next to her. It hadn't been the worst she'd been… But she felt it was a step back from the restful night from a couple of weeks ago. Gilbert let go of her and disappeared into the bathroom, and she heard the noise of water filling the bathtub.
"I'm sorry to say I don't have those fancy things for the bath, but I do have epsom salts and those relax the muscles, and our shower gel does say it works for bubble baths as well" he said as he came back, smiling. It was the same as he had done months ago when she'd had that horrible meltdown. Anne laughed.
"I don't need fancy things for a bath, Gil."
"We can get you some. If you want. It had just never occurred to me until now. And the nights are fresher now," he commented.
"Will you get in with me?" she asked. He looked at her, not understanding. He wasn't one for baths. "It would be nice. We could relax a bit. Read some. I used to do that back in Vancouver, grab a book and soak until the water was tepid."
"I have to confess I have never done that," Gilbert said. He had a bath only because the apartment came with one. "But if you want me to be there, I totally will. See if I manage that first chapter of the book Fred and Ella gave me. Come, tell me if the temperature is good."
It was. And the water smelled of the lavender salts Gilbert had poured in. They looked for their current books and undressed, leaving the clothes in the hamper before going back to the bathroom. They got in facing each other, the faucet in the middle of the tub, against the wall. Gilbert let out a sigh as the water hugged him and Anne giggled, their legs crossing and resting against each other's. This was actually nicer than he would have thought.
"See? It's nice," he smiled at her. "Why do you even have those salts if you don't use the tub?"
"Mary left them when they came for Christmas," he explained. "The only ones who have ever used this tub are her and Delly."
"How did it even occur to you tonight, then?"
"You looked like you could use it," he explained, shrugging. Baths were supposed to be relaxing. "So, how does this work? So I don't get my nice book all wet and horrible?" Anne laughed.
"I left you a towel there. You dry your hands, silly," she explained, giving him an example by doing the same.
Soon they were reading in silence, the only sound the music Gilbert had set up. It was late, almost eleven pm, and probably they wouldn't stay much there. But as he heard her sigh in content, he knew he had made the right choice. He soon gave up. Reading the same pages for the tenth time and not getting the meaning was not going to work. He would let the book rest and pick it up again in a couple of weeks. Read something else in the meantime.
Gilbert left it on the floor carefully and watched her read, a tiny frown in her forehead, a tiny smile on her lips as she crossed some funny passage. He didn't even care what she was reading, not now, when he had an unfiltered view of her beauty.
"What?" she asked eventually, feeling his eyes bore in her. He smiled.
"Nothing. Just admiring you," he answered honestly.
"Admiring me?" she repeated, skeptical. He nodded. "What is there to admire?" she closed her book, leaving a finger in between to mark her page.
"Well, everything."
"That's the same as saying nothing, Gilbert," she answered, opening back her book to continue reading. He chuckled.
"Oh I can be as specific as you want, Carrots. It's just, when you add everything I admire… it is everything," he explained. She frowned and closed the book again. "Come here. I just want to be close to you, to be honest." She left the book to the side and moved in the water until she was snuggled against his chest. He surrounded her with his arms, sighing.
"This is nice," she commented, the tension finally leaving her body. She watched their legs extended in the tub, the contrast of her freckled paleness and his hairy tan, and felt how Gilbert rested his cheek on the top of her head, his hands caressing her softly.
"It is, actually," he acquiesced. They stayed in silence, with him giving her gentle caresses, for a while. He couldn't contain a yawn.
"Tired?" she asked. "What time is it?"
"I don't know. But yes, tired. Do you want to head to the bedroom?" he asked. She bit her lip, not really wanting to move. She was way too comfortable for moving. But he did have to wake up early in the morning the next day to go to work, so he couldn't quite stay up indefinitely. "Let's stay a bit longer," he said, as he could sense her doubt. She nodded against him and relaxed.
"Let's go," she said finally after a while, sitting straight and disentangling from him. Soon they were dry and back in the bed where none of them had slept that week. Anne looked for her new pajamas, the silky dark blue set of camisole and shorts, and put them in as Gilbert looked for some shorts.
The next few days, once at home, Anne and Gilbert felt like they were going back to their past routine in a more purposeful way. They had a clearer view on why they were doing things and what they meant to them, and both finally relaxed knowing they had plans and strategies in place should anything go awry. They had agreed to go for a coffee in a couple of weeks to see how they were doing and adjust anything, but for now they felt at peace. Friday evening they spent curled in the sofa, eating take-out and reading.
"You look relaxed," Gilbert commented. He had been staring at her as she drank and read a bit of the fresh book she had taken out of the library. He had a new one, a fiction novel Anne had recommended him so different from the history of medicine book he was eager to give it a try. But he hadn't been able to concentrate and had opted to see how the sun shone on her hair.
"I am," she said, smiling softly. He extended his hand and squeezed hers lightly. "I hated the past week… Absolutely hated it, Gil. Somehow I can't picture a life without you anymore and it was… hard. I'm not sure how to feel about that."
"What? Why?"
"It's just… I love you. But I'm scared of thinking I wouldn't have done any of what I've accomplished this year without you, as if I really couldn't do it by myself."
"Carrots… I'm sure you would have accomplished, if not exactly the same, something of equivalent worth. It was you who did it. Heck, you didn't even accept my suggestion of going back to study because it's not what you truly want. What you're doing now, and what you have done the past few months, it's all your doing… I'm just glad to be around and be one of the first to read the stories you write and how beautiful they are," he said. She bit her lips. He did have a point, it's not like she was following Gilbert's lead like a puppy. She was making her own decisions, just with his support. Which did take off a layer of worry.
"Thank you, Gil. For the opportunity and believing so much in me."
"It's what you were made for. And honestly, it's all my pleasure. Thank you for letting me be around to witness it," he insisted before finishing off his coffee. "I honestly think it's the other way around, sometimes. Like you came into my life to put some order and allow me to become who I was supposed to be here… I mean, Fred and Ella insisted for years about me acting my part at work, eating healthy, having a balanced life and not being a workaholic… It was a sad, mediocre life, looking back to it. And I only ever managed to turn it around thanks to you. So thank you, Anne-girl."
"I can't picture you like that," she commented after a moment. She remembered how he looked in March. The dark circles under his eyes, the hard set of the jaw and the permanent seriousness. The canned ravioli and fossilized carrot in the fridge. The change had been so slow, it had been almost imperceptible at first… And became much more noticeable when he began teasing her when they finally started warming up to each other.
"I can't picture you in BC," he replied. She smiled sadly.
"It was nice at the beginning. It felt like I was starting to do something for myself… And the kids at that school, Gilbert, they were just the most well-behaved, creative kids ever. It was really nice for a while," she commented, remembering when she had first gone there. Willing to escape PEI, but also so excited about working in that school. It really was the best at the beginning.
"What happened then?"
"Well… I met Daniel some months after being there. I already had some acquaintances, and one of them introduced him to me. And we seemed to click from the beginning, or so I thought. He didn't seem to be like Lincoln at first, and so I thought I was on a good path…" Anne commented, closing the book. She bit her lip briefly, considering how much to share with Gilbert, but realized that, for the first time, she didn't feel really apprehensive about the prospect of talking about Daniel. They had talked about Gilbert's years extensively over the past week, but they hadn't gotten very deep into her past relationships. Gilbert didn't say anything, didn't pressure her to continue. "Eventually it went downhill. When I realized that, I was already stranded from the few friends I had managed to make over the first months and the school changed the principal to some… really old fashioned guy. Like, bad. Mr. Phillips on steroids," Gilbert snorted. That was not possible. "Believe me. It was ridiculous. I wasn't even the first to go out, there were other teachers that were more outspoken and passed their resignation before anything could be done, but most were afraid of losing their job. It was kind of well paid, I mean, I paid my whole student debt while working there and the debts we still had from Green Gables, and many teachers had been there for years and years… Benefits were fine too."
"And so… when were you with Daniel? I'm sorry, I'm confused about the whole timeline of this thing," Gilbert said. He wanted to know more. How Anne had spent the past few years was almost a mystery to him, something she didn't talk much about except to tell him random bits about Vancouver, and the only time she had mentioned Daniel had been on the trail months ago.
"So… we got together in the fall of 2016, I believe? And then I broke it with him in 2018, when I went back after the summer holidays. I had spent time at home, with Jerry and Diana, and that helped put everything in perspective. So when I came for the fall term, I was done with it. I focused on rebuilding the friendships I had… kind of abandoned, but many had moved to other cities. Sometimes we exchange emails or something. Eventually this year turned around, I yelled at the principal and you know what happened after. I was actually ready to go back home in March, felt I had accomplished in BC what I'd gone to do, but… the no job part was a bit daunting."
"I guess it turned out for the best," Gilbert commented, when it was clear she wasn't going to add anything else. She nodded in silence, and he knew the conversation was somehow over. But he felt more at ease now. After that huge fight, but then the conversation at Cole's… And now this, he knew they were just peeling layers off. Hard ones. Yes. But they were being honest, and vulnerable in front of the other, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
Gilbert looked worriedly at Anne. They were about to head out, as Fred and Ella had proposed they went to have lunch and then wander around the antique stores of Ottawa Street. The end of September was coming near. The trees of every colour and the weather fresh, but still not cold. Just about perfect. In fact, almost everything would be perfect if Anne wasn't so out of sorts.
"I swear, Gil. It's nothing. I'm not sick. My period should come around these days and you know how bad it gets sometimes. So there you have it: tiredness, some cramps and just general frustration generated by… hormones, as it's you who usually point out. Can we go, please? I swear I'm not sick and I really want to see Ella!" she insisted, irritated. Gilbert frowned, again, but nodded without further comment and grabbed the car keys.
They forgot all about it as soon as they met their friends in the entrance to a small restaurant. Fred had given them the location and they had agreed to meet there. The music could be heard outside and it instantaneously made Anne smile. Ella greeted them warmly as did Fred, who seemed as relaxed as ever, even if somehow happier.
"So, we called and double checked and yes, there are both vegan and veggie options here. More than one. So it should be good for you guys as well," Fred explained. Anne smiled gratefully and they went in, all with masks on, a waitress approaching with smiley eyes. "I just really wanted to try this place, so many patients have recommended it."
"Do they go to therapy or to discuss food, Fred?" Gilbert asked. Fred turned smiling at him. Or at least it seemed like he was smiling.
"Who says they can't do both?"
They sat on the table and talked about Bear, about the weather (those leaves!), the general stuff in the hospital, to which Ella rolled her eyes and started telling Anne everything about the antique stores. They chatted happily as the food came in and, when it was time for dessert, Fred and Ella made a halt in the conversation.
"There's actually this little place down in Locke Street that's a vegan bakery. We've never been there- just seen it passing by, but do you guys want to go there? We can grab a coffee at timmies, look at some antiques and then head over there," Ella proposed. "You'll love that street as well, Anne. I just have the feeling Gilbert has been keeping you hostage." Anne laughed.
"I haven't! She's free to go out whenever she likes, has a bike and all. That she just wants to be cosy at home it's really not my fault," Gilbert said, smiling.
"Pastries later on sounds great," Anne said, smiling.
"Great! Now for the fun stuff," said Fred, rubbing his hands and looking at Ella, who shook her head but smiled even bigger than he was. "So, little Wright here… it's a she. We're having a baby girl," he explained, evidently proud. Anne squeaked and Gilbert smiled as big as they were.
"That's so nice! Congratulations, you both!" Gilbert said. Anne nodded.
"Such great news! Oh, I'm so happy for you both!" Anne exclaimed and went around the table to hug them, not being able to help herself. She went back to her chair when she saw the waitress approaching with the receipt. Fred paid quickly, insisting this was an invitation. "When did you find out?"
"Just yesterday, we had a scheduled ultrasound and dr. Oak said it might be possible to tell… if the baby was willing. And well, she was."
"How far along are you, Ella?" Gilbert asked. "I know you told me, but with everything it slipped my mind... "
"Nineteen weeks yesterday," she said. Gilbert nodded.
"Anyway, the news of the baby girl is accompanied with something else," Fred said. He looked first at Gilbert, then at Anne. "We both have families, yes, but the truth is that, for us, you're even closer than many of them," Fred continued, and Gilbert knew that it was an understatement if they were talking about Ella's family. "We consider you our chosen family and would love to make it… more formal, if that makes sense to you. So, it would mean the world to us if you both were godparents for Alicia."
"Oh my god! Of course! Can I go up again? Oh, I will. Just give me a second," Anne said, way too excited, fishing for her mask and putting it promptly to be able to get up without care and went to hug them. Gilbert was smiling brightly, shiny eyes, all his words lost. He sometimes couldn't believe his life. He had never known his mother. Then lost the most wonderful dad. No more extended family. All the makings for a very lonely family life, yet here he was. With all the LaCroix family. With Anne. With the Wrights. He cleared his throat, blinking quickly.
"Of course we will, Ella. Fred," he blinked again, "Goodness, I'm sorry I got so emotional."
"Don't be ridiculous, Gilbert, you get to be as emotional as you want," Ella said, smiling at him as Anne crushed Fred with a bear hug, who laughed in joy. She extended her hand and squeezed Gilbert's gently. They shared a small smile, many words not needed between them. Soon after they stood up and went outside, smiles on all their faces. They walked down the street, Anne and Ella chatting happily as they went inside the stores, Gilbert and Fred stalling behind.
"How's the pregnancy going now? She didn't mention anything on Tuesday, so I take it morning sickness is finally over?"
"She's doing great now. For some weeks already, a couple of weeks before going up north. Finally enjoying being pregnant, which honestly is a relief. She started reading stuff about it, deciding that me being a doctor wasn't going to be her primary source of information and now she shoots me random bits of information at every opportunity."
"For some reason I can totally picture her doing that," Gilbert chuckled.
"I know, right? Just goes with her. Before she was all focused on conception stuff and didn't want to get into pregnancy books until… Well, until she was pregnant. But now there's no stopping her. You know she's a nerd like you," Fred said, laughing. Gilbert shook his head, smiling. "How are things with Anne? Everything is better since both of you went home?"
"Yes," Gilbert said with a sigh of relief. Fred looked at him. "We did… more talking than what I could have pictured, the past week. Found ways to prevent this whole mess from happening again. I hope we don't have to test them, but… I think we both feel much more confident in our relationship and what we want from it."
"I take it you're talking, then? Sharing?"
"I'm not making the same mistakes as with Lottie, Fred," Gilbert reassured him. "For one, I was still hung up on Anne… And I am with Anne now. And then, there's the fact she already knows most about me, so filling in the gaps was easier. With Anne everything flows, it works even when it's hard."
"Sounds sensible," Fred said, as Ella made a signal that they were going to another store. "Do you want to go in? I honestly don't care about the trinkets and I know Ella is finally done decorating the house. She's looking for things for the nursery… But she still has months for that so she's taking her time."
"Building the furniture means taking her time, now?" Gilbert asked, raising an eyebrow.
"With the decorations. You know how she is. Wanted all the practical stuff set up so she could focus with time on the rest of the things," Fred clarified. "So, do you want to see old stuff?"
"No, I'm fine. They seem to be having fun. We could actually go grab a coffee while they browse, what do you say?" He proposed. Fred nodded.
**Gilbert Blythe (13:51): Hey, Carrots, want a coffee? There's a Timmies up the street (first one!) and we're going to grab something with Fred. Ask Ella as well? You both take your time, we'll text when we're back.
**Carrots (13:52): What do you mean the first one?! And yes, she wants one of those strawberry banana things. I'll have a double double. Almond milk. Decaf. You know the drill.
**Gilbert Blythe (13:52): First one. In the whole of Canada. It sould be a historical place and all. I'll text you when we're back.
"So, Ella is having a banana..."
"Strawberry smoothie? Poor Alicia will be made of that stuff. That and Lucky Charms. It's driving me mental," Fred said, shaking his head but smiling fondly. Gibert laughed, remembering how they used to buy cereal when they weren't with Fred just so he wouldn't lecture them and as something they did together. "You know, I tried buying some… more sensible cereal and then put honey and blueberries in there and…"
"Fred, you have to be joking. That won't work. She wants pure sugar. Food coloring. Stuff you think of as evil. I know so because I'm like her," Gilbert said, his mind wandering to the idea of Anne being pregnant. How would she be as a mom-to-be? What cravings would she have? Would she have morning sickness?
"What, Blythe? You have your dreamy face now. Spill."
"I have no dreamy face, Fred," he defended himself. Fred raised an eyebrow. "Ok, I may have a dreamy face but so what?"
"Well I want to know why it's there!" Fred whined and Gilbert chuckled. "Please?"
"I'll tell you when it's time to tell you. So, your mother could check the ring?"
"Wait a second, Blythe, don't say that and change the subject," Fred stopped suddenly and then apologized profusely to the couple that had been walking behind them, as they apologized as well. "Is Anne pregnant?"
"No, not that I know of," Gilbert said. Because he didn't think she was. She said she was expecting her period, so no. Right? Cramps and moodiness and feeling shitty. Fred narrowed his eyes and made a weird expression as he crossed his arms.
"Not that you know of? As in, she could be? I thought we walked her to dr. Oak's specifically so she wouldn't get pregnant, Blythe," Fred said, stern. Gilbert almost laughed at his apparent father attitude, but the nervousness he was feeling (poor Alicia, he thought) made his hand shoot to his neck. "Blythe!"
"The ring?" Gilbert tried again, trying to change the subject as he started walking. Fred walked beside him, still an eyebrow up. "Ok, ok! Wright, you're incorrigible! And a nosy git, you know that, right?!"
"Yes, of course I do! And I don't care and you don't care and we both know it! So!"
"This you can't go telling around, ok?" Gilbert said, looking at him, a serious expression. Fred nodded, smiling finally. "We went to dr. Oak's. She decided to go with one of the pill options because she didn't want something long-term like an IUD. Some… We may have… Well, anyway, she was scared of not getting her period. But then, of course, it came. Because we're not completely daft. And she was so, so disappointed, Freddie. I was, too, but wouldn't tell her, of course. Remember?"
"You can't be serious," Fred said.
"I am. You said you wanted to know, right?" Gilbert asked, frowning. They put on the masks again and waited in the distanced line out of the coffeeshop. Fred nodded. "So her disappointment prompted a chat I never would have thought we would be having for months, or maybe even years. A chat you encouraged me to have with her."
"She wants kids now?" Fred asked, his eyes big as plates. Because Gilbert having them had never been a question. He had shared with his friend often how one of the only things he regretted about his celibacy was not being able to have his own family, and considered maybe adopting a kid later on. Gilbert nodded. "No way, serious?"
"Is that so hard to believe?"
"Well… No, I guess it isn't," Fred commented, apparently thinking. Gilbert knew he might be putting together everything he knew about Anne and how it actually made sense. He gave a slight nod as he apparently reached some conclusion. "Please have a boy? For little Ali?" he said suddenly.
"Fred, it's not like you get to pick," Gilbert said, laughing.
"Well, try your best! What's more, you can't have a girl!"
"Why on earth can't I have a girl?"
"Mate, look at yourself. How you behave with Anne. Imagine a little version of her. You'll be the most overprotective, cute and annoying dad in the whole world, poor girl. Please, have boys. And that way I don't have to worry about Alicia meeting a creepy guy because she will be with your little guy," Fred insisted and Gilbert snorted at the absurdity.
"I wouldn't be like that."
"You wouldn't be like that," Fred repeated, his voice unbelieving. "Gilbert Blythe be honest with yourself," he added. Gilbert smiled. Ok, he would be like that. "See? Have a boy!"
"Again, not a choice I make," Gilbert insisted, laughing. Fred smiled.
"Is she taking prenatals and all? I'm sorry I'm nosy, but…"
"I know. She actually takes vitamins regularly. I checked them. They cover all the needs, had plenty of folic acid, but she still changed to some prenatal ones when the tub was over." Fred nodded, and they went inside and ordered everything.
"You can't go around telling people about this. No talking. Not to Ella, not to Anne, ok?" Gilbert said once they were outside again. Fred nodded, still smiling.
**Gilbert Blythe (14:08): Going back. Still in the same store?
**Carrots (14:09): Just about to go out. I found the cutest embroidery! Meet you at the door.
"I'm so happy for you, Gilbert. I honestly am. This March you were a sorry excuse of a man, the most lifeless little thing on the planet, and look at you now. Which reminds me…" he fished in his pocket and took out the velvet pouch, as Gilbert smiled absent-mindedly, putting the phone back to his pocket. "Here you have. Any thoughts as to when?"
"Not really. I'll just wait and see when it feels right, you know?" Fred shrugged, not one for romantic gestures as Gilbert already knew. He put the pouch in his pocket, glad it was small and flat and wouldn't bring any attention. "I'm not you, Fred. I'm actually going to propose, not start a talk based on logic and goals."
Fred laughed.
"Well, that's our idea of romance, what can I say?" Gilbert shook his head. "Anyway, please keep me posted? I don't want to become one of those obnoxious old aunts that look at the hand before the face of the girl."
"Please don't be like that. I'll text you once it happens. So if there's no text, don't go around looking at her hand. Ok?"
Fred didn't answer as they saw Ella and Anne walk to them. Anne was holding something in her hand. Flat and bigish. She showed it to Gilbert, an old, framed embroidery (what kind? Marilla would probably know) of the alphabet. It was lovely, although he had no idea where they were going to hang it.
"That's nice, Anne!" he said nonetheless.
"I know! It's like it called me," she said, laughing. He gave her the coffee. "So, I was thinking, for the new house?"
"You're looking for houses?" Fred and Ella asked at the same time. Fred shoot Gilbert a look that clearly said that he would better give him the full story.
"We… are. But nothing has caught our eye yet," Anne said. "Or, better said, nothing has passed Gilbert's criticism," she explained, frustrated but smiling, as she crossed her arms and sighed.
"I'm only being rational!" he defended himself. "I don't want one with black mold or knob and tube wiring, thank you!"
"Well I don't want a cookie-cutter house!" Anne replied, and both Ella and Fred laughed.
"Gilbert, honestly, you can remodel a house and fix those issues. It's actually better if you hire the people to do so, at least you know it's being done properly and not for staging the house. And it helps bring the price down," Ella said. Gilbert furrowed. "You always forget I'm an architect, right?"
"I know you design schools?" Gilbert said apologetically. Ella laughed. "But I honestly don't associate you with the habitational stuff, just institutional."
"I do. Your dinner table is where I did most of my projects when I studied. And while I do design schools, the firm where I work has a division for houses, and I do have the knowledge. Anyway, tell me later what you have in mind and I can contact a couple of realtors to see if they have any listing that fits."
"You're the best, Ella," Anne announced gratefully.
They arrived at the apartment late in the afternoon. Anne was giddy after the outing, Gilbert was happy but thoughtful. She left the framed embroidery (cross-stitch, she had explained when he asked) by the door, against the wall, and went to put water for some tea. Gilbert went to their room to look for the guitar, feeling in the mood to play something. He left the pouch with the ring in the back of a drawer.
"Do you want some tea?" she asked as she was putting a bag on a cup.
"Yes, thank you!" he said from the living room, from where she could hear the guitar. She went to meet him later and he smiled at her. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm telling you, Gil. I'm fine," she said. "What are you playing?"
"I don't know, actually. Anything you want?" She shrugged and he kept playing random bits of different songs. Lying on the couch, she stared at the ceiling.
"So we're going to be godparents," she commented after a while, in a low voice. "I can't actually believe it."
"Why not?"
"I can believe they want you. I appeared out of nowhere six months ago," she said. Gilbert chuckled, still playing.
"You were around for far longer, Anne-girl. Never in body, mind you, but they've heard so much about you over the years that they feel like you're a natural extension of my family."
"How was that? How did you meet them?" Gilbert played a bit more, reminiscing.
"Well, I met Fred first. We were both sharing a dorm room for the first semester. I didn't want to rent something in Toronto without knowing a bit of the city and his parents were a bit reluctant of him living alone or with roommates he didn't trust. So we ended up sharing a room," Gilbert said. "I was… good thing he is Fred, I wasn't good company for months and he still put up with it. Ella too, when we met her. I've told you a bit of how everything was back then."
"I know, but still..." Anne said, a feeling of dread inside her.
"I was…" Gilbert played some more, not knowing how to say it. "It was bad, Anne. Like I told you. It's… I just couldn't function properly. I was in a bad mood constantly. I didn't want to leave the dorm. I already told you how I studied to escape. It's not a period I like to relive, to be honest. Eventually Fred and Ella convinced me to talk to a counselor at university. Tricked me into it, actually, but… I ended up going to therapy for a while, then."
"You went to therapy?!" Anne asked, surprised. Gilbert Blythe?! He chuckled. "How come you didn't tell me before?"
"I guess it didn't come up? Anyway, I did. I have been telling you, there's nothing to be ashamed about going to therapy. It actually helped me. I still killed myself studying, but at least I was more of a functional human. Ella started setting me up with all kinds of girls. It didn't really work, but at least I was going out and they were happy."
"They were happy?" Anne asked, skeptical. Gilbert laughed.
"Well, yes. Fred and Ella. Eventually I met Lottie and they were hopeful as well, but you know how that turned out," Gilbert said. Anne nodded, he had shared about her over the week. "But it was weird, because I still wouldn't shut up about you. I always kept asking Diana about news from you. Nothing very specific, just... general stuff. So around when they convinced me to try a date, you had just received some sort of scholarship and I couldn't shut about how proud I was of you," Anne looked at him, frowning but smiling at the same time.
"Gilbert, that is weird," she finally said. He shrugged, starting to play again.
"I'm not saying it wasn't. Kind of creepy, looking back. But so, yes, they knew about you. And all your accomplishments. And things like that."
"I still think it's weird. What did they even think of me?"
"Oh, Ella was angry at you at first. But mostly curious. Fred has always been more level headed, and he was… mostly curious as well. Once they met you, it was like everything clicked for them and it made sense. They adore you now," he explained. They stayed in silence for a moment, listening only to the soft tune Gilbert was playing.
"I'm glad," she said after a moment, feeling down. She would have never imagined the extent of Gilbert's struggle after school. "I'm glad they were with you, when I wasn't."
"Don't worry about it. I learnt a lot about myself and what I wanted, and in the end, it turned out ok," he said. "You're home now, and that's what matters."
"Only because of covid," she said, feeling a lump in the throat, suddenly emotional. If it wasn't for the pandemic, could have she really gone without seeing him again? He looked at her, the tremor on her voice not going unnoticed, and stopped playing. He left the guitar on the side and moved to hold her. She burrowed on his chest.
"Covid or not, we're together, Anne-girl," he said softly, kissing her head. "I don't know what would have happened if not for this pandemic. But I'm grateful for what we have now. Aren't you?"
"So much," she said, suddenly sobbing. Gilbert frowned. "I'm sorry. I have no idea what's got into me."
"Shh… don't worry about it. I'm with you now," he said soothingly, trying not to let out how worried her sudden mood change had him. And he knew better than to press asking if her period had come. That would just be counter intuitive. She soon felt better in between his arms, and they continued talking about their experiences while studying. How those dark years had been and how, while Gilbert had somehow managed to grow out of the pain, Anne had fallen into a cycle of pushing away what she cared for the most, going all the way to BC just to escape. At least she was getting help now and he was there to support her. He and all her friends.
"Have you ever thought of how you will be as a mother?" Gilbert asked after a while.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, how you will behave with our kids. If you'll be a stern kind of mom, or if you will just go along…" he said, Fred's comments about him being overprotective still nagging him. She seemed to think about it for a minute.
"I just want to love them, Gil. For them to grow knowing they are loved. I have no idea what that will look like, in practice," she said finally, and he hugged her tighter. Because he saw where her comment was coming from. In the orphanage and a multitude of foster care homes for years, she hadn't felt that. At least not until she was thirteen. "Why the question?"
"I was just talking with Fred, before. About Alicia? And somehow he pointed out I should better not have any girls."
"What? Why?" Anne asked, confused.
"He says I'll be… overprotective, somehow?" he said, uncomfortable. Anne laughed.
"Of course you will be, Gilbert," she acquiesced. He pouted and she laughed some more. "That doesn't mean you will be a bad dad. And, besides we're a team, remember? If you start being obnoxious, I will call you on it."
"I love you so much," Gilbert said, feeling relieved by her reassurance, nuzzling his nose into the crook of her neck. She giggled.
"You couldn't possibly be worried about that, Gil," she said, but he didn't answer. "Gilbert, are you serious? Fred has way too much power over you, honestly."
"He doesn't!"
"He does, too!"
Gilbert woke up in the middle of the night with Anne sprawled all over his chest, completely relaxed. He wasn't really startled when he opened his eyes, but it was a comforting view to see his wife there with him knowing their daughter… wait a second.
They weren't married. Yet. He hadn't even proposed. Anne wasn't even pregnant. But how could he still smell the sweet scent from…had that been a dream? How could it possibly be a dream if it had felt so, so real? If he could still smell it? Feel it? He swallowed at the feeling of loss he suddenly felt and held Anne even closer. She let out a small noise, not waking up, and he kissed her softly on the top of her head. He looked at the ceiling, the dark shadows and a glimpse of the street lamp's light peeking in between the blackouts.
But really, he wasn't in the small apartment. He still felt the warm summer breeze on his face just as he had felt it in the dream as he went out of the car, coming home after a day at work. The house had been brick, turn of the century two story house. The kind Anne's kept insisting they look and he was wary because of the unknown baggage of the house.
Anne had been in the front yard, tending to some plants. So happy. The smell of the flowers she was cutting all around them. She had all sorts. The Queen Anne lace growing wildly in the grass with the dandelions and the tiny purple flowers he didn't know the name of. Did she have a big belly? He smiled again, remembering how she had a hand over it, as she greeted him. A big, straw bucket hat she was holding with the other hand so the breeze didn't take it off.
The shadows in the ceiling seemed to take on new shapes, almost as if they were playing with him this game of following a fluttering dream. Was that how Anne felt when she imagined things? Was that how her mind worked? He smiled at the prospect, holding on to the vanishing memories of where he had been just minutes before.
The blue sky. The breeze. The house of dreams with Anne, pregnant belly, in the garden. But if she was pregnant how was it that he remembered the smell of… and there she was, running from behind a bush, a girl no older than Delly, all curls of red hair and warm eyes. He felt her weight on him again as he crouched to receive her, open arms, not minding the fresh mud on her white, ruffled dress. That distinct toddler smell. The dog making them lose balance as he jumped on them.
Gilbert sighed, wide awake, trying to hold on to the dream that was disappearing faster than wanted. How could he not? It was his perfect life. Everything he had ever wanted. Anne, kids, dog, house. The giggles of her daughter. So full of joy. Hum. Joy? Could that even be a name? What a name it would be. Joy, the red haired girl so full of love from her parents, ready to take on the world. He smiled, caressing Anne's back. Joy. That would surely encompass the feeling the dream gave him.
"Gil? You're ok?" Anne mumbled, sitting next to him. He saw her sit, almost without opening her eyes.
"All fine, Anne-girl. Come here, love," he said, inviting her back to his chest, feeling the last of the giggles and scent of the little girl disappearing quickly.
"I have to pee," Anne mumbled, annoyed, as she got up. Gilbert watched her disappear to the bathroom. Hadn't she gone just before going to bed? She was back quickly and snuggled against him. "Why are you awake?"
"I don't know, it just happened," he said, wanting to treasure his dream. He wouldn't want Anne to stress over anything. He would just open his mind in regards to the sorts of houses they would see. Take on Ella's word. Maybe they could undertake the renovations, they were in no hurry, Anne still not pregnant.
"Anything you want to talk about?" she mumbled against him. He chuckled at how sleepy she sounded and she relished the feeling of his chest as he curled his arms around her.
"No, Carrots. Sleep, Anne-girl," he said, kissing her on the top of her head, hugging her close.
Galloping Horses We're glad you enjoyed the past chapter! We hope you enjoy this one as well.