On Begged and Borrowed Time Chapter 44, a twilight fanfic

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

EPOV

As I was reading her journal, I couldn't help but notice that she was cradling her slight bump with her hand. Hearing our child's thoughts just made everything so much more real. Even Carlisle was shocked to find out that this was a possibility.

Of course, it was Bella that had made it possible.

It seemed like there was nothing that she couldn't do.

We had spent days suffocating in the tension, and now it was like all the worries had melted away one we heard our little one's thought. It was incredible just how much they loved us already, how considerate they were of Bella.

I still couldn't process that we were going to be parents, for a hundred years I believed that I would walk this Earth destined to be alone and now I had a wife and a child, it was completely surreal, like some strange fever dream, but even I couldn't have dreamed up Bella's perfection or the happiness she brought forth.

Before today, I couldn't wrap my head around any of this, but most of all I was so worried about Bella getting hurt in the process.

Carlisle and I had been doing our research around the clock, but all of the legends we found about the half-vampire children frightened us. More specifically, the way in which they were brought into this world was frightening. Bella had suffered so much in her human life, and for me to cause her more suffering? It was unforgivable.

Apart from this life we were bringing into this world, in my attempt to collect my thoughts and to research what exactly Bella was going to be put through, I had left her all alone. I could see from Bella's expressive words in front of me, that she thought I was upset with her. I had been so used to being alone, and being able to hear if someone was angered through their thoughts, that I didn't think to reassure Bella through this uncertainty. She thought I had a foot out the door, just one more way I had let Bella down.

Bella would never admit that I had hurt her, but her words proved otherwise. Each of her poetic words oozed sadness, frustration, and anger, but somehow, she also wrote about how much she loved me. Despite my complete and utter lapse in judgement, she still loved me. In my tunnel vision of research trying to ease my own worries, really just selfishness, I had let Bella fall through the cracks, and that was unforgivable. But of course, Bella would never hold that against me.

I had come to learn that this was the only way Bella felt comfortable expressing herself. Bella didn't like putting her feeling on other people, selfless to a fault. She turned even the ugliest of emotions into something beautiful, it was completely reflective of Bella's personality. She turned even the darkest parts of my world into the best parts of my world. When she entered my life, it was like a completely paradigm shift, everything was drenched in daylight now. There would be no more endless midnights, not with Bella by my side.

I had heard her playing and writing constantly, at first I thought she was distracting herself from this completely new and unreal situation we had found ourselves, but that wasn't the case. She was distracting herself from the uncertainty I had created. Bella had so much on her plate, a new, overwhelming life, the grief the she knew her parents were feeling, and now this, and I had made it that much worse. Bella handled everything with a grace and kindness that I did not deserve.

I would spend forever making up for my constant and tremendous shortcomings.

BPOV

I could see Edward analyzing my words, and I couldn't help but wonder what he would make of them. I had always used my writings as an outlet, it felt like the only way I could let everything out, I didn't like to burden other people with my issues, but at the same time I didn't want to keep anything from Edward.

"Bella?" I lifted my head. "Please know that no matter what, I will love you everyday of forever, that I will be with you everyday of forever."

I nodded wordlessly, Edward reassurances still did very little to stop my train of thought. It was interesting overthinking as a vampire, I could have several trains of thought going at the same time with each under the same amount of scrutiny. It felt like I was constantly worried about something, my little nudger, Edward, my parents, it was always something. I tried to focus on the positives- Edward said he wasn't upset with me, that we were okay, which eased my worries. Right now, that reassurance was enough to ground me.

"Would you please tell me what you are thinking? Before I go mad?"

I chuckled, Edward had never gotten used to my silent mind, he had told me once that he enjoyed the silence, but he still constantly longed to know what I was thinking.

"A lot of things," I answered vaguely.

He groaned in exasperation. I found myself laughing for the first time in days.

"Can you tell me what things you're thinking about?"

I started chewing on my lip.

"What am I going to do with you Bella?" He muttered impatiently. I placed my hand in his, this time he took it and kissed the back of it, just like he used to. Even though my heart no longer beat, I could swear I still felt it flutter at Edward's affection.

"Well, I was thinking about how much I love you, and then I guess I was thinking about home," I shrugged. I didn't want to add my worries onto Edward's already abundant anxiety.

"I love you too. What about home?"

"I never thought I'd see the day, but I kind of miss Forks, of course now we've been exiled, and I miss our family. I miss my parents," I answered honestly.

Edward nodded in understanding, "Well Carlisle will be coming down here in the next few days to check on you, and we could always make a quick trip if you'd like?"

I shook my head, "I don't want to put anyone in danger, Edward. I knew it was going to be hard, but at least I have you."

"And you'll always have me," Edward promised. I could still feel the lingering tension in the air, so I stood up, and held my hand out to Edward. He looked confused but he took it anyway.

"Come write with me," I answered his question before he could ask.

He smiled, and we walked over to the piano together.

Exile

I can see you standing, honey

With his arms around your body
Laughing but the joke's not funny at all
And it took you five whole minutes
To pack us up and leave me with it
Holding all this love out here in the hall

I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
You're not my homeland anymore
So what am I defending now?
You were my town
Now I'm in exile seeing you out
I think I've seen this film before

I can see you staring, honey
Like he's just your understudy
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me
Second, third, and hundredth chances
Balancing on breaking branches
Those eyes add insult to injury

I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
I'm not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now?
You were my crown
Now I'm in exile seeing you out
I think I've seen this film before
So I'm leaving out the side door

So step right out
There is no amount
Of crying I can do for you

All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out, you didn't even hear me out
You never gave a warning sign, I gave so many signs

All this time
I never learned to read your mind, never learned to read my mind
I couldn't turn things around, you never turned things around
'Cause you never gave a warning sign, I gave so many signs
So many signs
So many signs, you didn't even see the signs

So step right out
There is no amount
Of crying I can do for you

All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out, you didn't even hear me out
You never gave a warning sign, I gave so many signs

All this time
I never learned to read your mind
I couldn't turn things around
'Cause you never gave a warning sign

We had started with one simple line, we always walked a very thin line, and turned it into something beautiful. It was true since the beginning of our relationship, we balanced on a fragile line. After we finished, everything felt so much lighter, like we weren't walking the tightrope anymore.

"He doesn't like it when we're upset," Edward said placing his hand over the bump.

"He can understand us?" I was shocked, I didn't know much about pregnancy, but I knew he was developing so quickly, much more quickly than a human baby. I had no clue when we would get to meet our little nudger.

"He's very intelligent, he can understand the general idea of what we're saying, although when I picture the baby, I see a girl," Edward confessed. This brought a goofy smile to my face, it was the first time he acknowledged our little nudger, as an actual baby.

"I guess we'll have to wait and see."

"I suppose so," Edward chuckled.

"Don't worry, we're not sad, we're very excited to meet you," I leaned down, trying to talk to my little bump.

"She liked hearing us play," Edward's boyish grin was back.

"Your daddy is so much better than I am, " I cooed to the little bump. I could see Edward's expression change, it wasn't a bad expression, it was more like a realization had hit him like a ton of bricks.

"We're going to be parents?" I was correct about the realization that had settled over Edward.

I nodded, "Yeah, I think we are."

Edward leaned in and kissed me deeply, I felt better than I had in days. I was once again clinging to the blind and unyielding faith that everything would be okay.