Disclaimer: Indy best girl
You know what no one expects?
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(Besides the Spanish Inquisition, of course)
A chapter a day early!
I might have been procrastinating with my English projects, however...
Reviews:
Severak: Hey, all's fair in Love and War I guess?
War Corgi: Actually, I think Indy's going to coming back rather soon! (But again, No Promises)
The One: The short ones are always the smartest, right? (Causally trying to justify my height ngl).
Portland's POV:
"Come on." Intrepid argued. "It wasn't that mean."
"Sinners who use Indy's name in vain shall be punished." I laid the verdict. "You deserve every bit of it."
"It wasn't that bad..." Intrepid compromised.
"You are only barely surviving excommunication due to your loyalty to the cause. Do not test me any more." I declared.
"If I didn't include Indy, there would have been no reason to justify training for so long." Intrepid failed to defend her actions. Nobody was buying it. (1)
"Then I fail to see how that is my problem." I ended the topic.
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"So how long do I have to spend chained up?" Intrepid wiggled in the handcuffs.
"Until we get back." I closed the door behind her.
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"Is it okay to just leave her like that?" Montpelier asked me as we strolled through the downtown avenue.
"Punishment comes in all different types of forms." I responded. "Combined with the severity of her crimes, Intrepid's quite lucky to survive."
"Won't she starve or something?" Montpelier followed me into the alley.
"She's only cuffed." I waved it off. "She'll be fine."
"If you say so…" Montpelier searched her new surroundings. On either side of her were large towering masonry walls, lined with the occasional window.
I pressed my hand against the side of the wall.
It has been a long time since I've been there. They used to have a little edification on the side of town, but it probably got leaked and now they've relocated here.
"This looks quite sketchy." Montpelier tugged my sleeve. "Perhaps we should leave?"
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"This was your reward." I muttered, as a brick began to dislodge. There!
"Can I go back?" Montpelier asked. "I'm not feeling quite confident here."
"Do you want to go back?" I turned for her approval, laying my hand on the wall.
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"No." Montpelier shook her head.
"Welcome!" I pressed on the spinning door, just barely avoiding falling down.
Cleveland's POV:
The doorbell rang, and I set down the glass before turning.
"Welcom-" I ducked beneath the counter.
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WHY IS MONTPELIER HERE?
The hell is Portland thinking?! She brought her here?!
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"May I help you?" Birmingham covered for me.
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"I suppose." Portland's voice wavered. "Say, is she here?"
"No." Birmingham lied.
"So you are part of a cult!" Montpelier exclaimed.
Good.
Just walk out of here, Sis.
"Wait." Portland waved her finger up. Oh how much would I Love to snap her hand in half right now. "Birmingham, can you show Montpelier to the lavatories? Monty, go and wash your hands."
"Are we seriously ea-" Montpelier started.
"Do as I say." Portland commanded.
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A cascade of footsteps slowly faded away.
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"Cleveland." Portland kicked the side of the counter. "I know you are down there."
"Portland." I glared at her.
"That is my name." Portland nodded.
"Why is my sister here!?" I whispered angrily.
"I suppose this could be considered her prize." Portland poured herself a glass of whiskey. "I also did owe her a favor."
"Couldn't you have brought her anywhere else?" I argued.
"Aren't you supposed to give the best presents to your best friends?" Portland swirled the glass.
"You aren't…" I rubbed my forehead.
"Are you booked?" Portland grinned.
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She doesn't seriously want me to seduce my sister.
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"No way." I violently shook my head.
"Then I would like to book you on behalf of Montpelier." Portland slid some gems across the counter.
"No way am I going to do it with Montpelier!" I clarified, pushing the gems back into her wallet.
"But isn't this your entire business model?" Portland asked, grabbing some peanuts.
I pointed to the hidden sign in the back. "We hold the right to refuse any customer."
"Don't you owe me a favor or two for training Montpelier?" Portland countered. "Not paying me might be against the law..."
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This girl...
Excuses, Excuses, Excuses… Come on, let me find one!
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Are our rooms booked? Only three. Curses!
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"We don't have en-" I began.
"Here." Portland gave me a bag.
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There was literally everything we needed in the container.
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Everything.
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There were even toys. High quality as well.
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What else? How do I escape...
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Wait, I got a commission call earlier today!
I exhaled as I opened my logs. "Portland, I can't do it as I am booked for tonight! I need to prepare for them."
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"...Really?" Portland sighed.
Was it really that easy!? Thank God, Crisis averted.
"Yup!" I laughed in relief. "It is of my utmost venerable duty to provide promiscuous services to whoever booked me first. I'm very sorry, but I must serve the customers who ordered beforehand with priority!"
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"So you are saying that you must attend to your next customer no matter what?" Portland gloomed.
"Absolutely!" I nodded.
"So who booked you?" I caught Portland hiding her smile beneath her hand.
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I took a look at the panel.
No way.
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"...Indianaportland." I covered my face.
"And don't you have to serve the customer with utmost duty?" Portland smiled.
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"Portland, she is my sister." I pleaded.
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Portland grinned harder.
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Portland's POV:
"So." I poked Montpelier with a fork as she ate breakfast. "How was last night?"
"Did something happen?" Intrepid took my last remaining sausage.
"That's my question." I grabbed my plastic knife and cut off a piece of meat from Intrepid's fork just as it lowered into her mouth.
"I don't really remember much." Montpelier scratched her head. "I think I went to a restaurant with you, but my memory gets a bit hazy from there."
"So your memories are garbage." Intrepid commented.
"Perhaps." I nodded along.
"Just like her personality." Intrepid concluded, holding her hand up for a high five.
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"Are you sure you don't remember anything?" I inspected Montpelier as Intrepid self fived.
"Loser." Montpelier stuck out her tongue.
"Excuse me?" I raised my eyebrows.
"To her." Montpelier quickly pointed at Intrepid. "Anyways, I can't really think of much that happened last night."
"What was the last thing you did?" I questioned.
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"I remember sitting down on a pink bed." Montpelier recorded. "Why was I on a pink bed…"
"Montpelier, open your mouth and stick out your tongue." I reached into my bag.
"She seems to be an expert at that." Intrepid snorted.
"Doh you whant to beh sphit on?" Montpelier offered.
"...You're already doing so." Intrepid wiped her face, dryly.
"Here." I placed a laced popsicle stick on her tongue.
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"Keep your mouth open." I grabbed her tongue as she began to pull it back.
"Mpphhhh?!" Montpelier struggled.
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"There." I let go as Montpelier vehemently gagged.
"What is wrong with you?" Montpelier caught her breath.
So Cleveland really didn't do it with her? That's disappointing.
I would blackmail her later for this, but she is a member of the Church of Indy.
I guess I'll have to let this go.
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Oh well.
"You see this?" I showed her the now purple wooden stick.
"Yes?" Montpelier downed a cup of water before gasping for air.
"You've been drugged!" I gave her my diagnostic. (2)
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"You lead me to a place where I got drugged?" Montpelier leaned away from me.
"Why do you even have a drug testing kit on hand?" Intrepid took the box and inspected it.
"Consider it a rite of passage." I patted her back.
"Portland, a lot of terrible things could have happened while I got drugged!" Montpelier rebuked. "I could have been kidnapped, I could have been hurt, I could have even lost my chastity!"
"You've already done all three." Intrepid commented.
"Losing your chastity isn't that bad." I defended myself.
"Yes it is!" Montpelier shouted. "I want to save my body for the person I love!"
I gave Montpelier a wink.
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"Really?" Intrepid caught on. "Impressive networking."
"What is that supposed to mean?" Montpelier turned to her, concealing her confusion.
"You'll understand when you grow older." Intrepid sipped on a cup of coffee. "Or taller."
"Listen here you doltish Carrier, can you even comprehend the..." Montpelier began to lecture her.
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I sat back in my chair and finished my breakfast. Today was going to be an awfully long day, wasn't it...
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Curiosity's POV:
"That Portland girl still scares me." Purifier muttered. "Is there any way we can deal with her discreetly?"
"Before we plot to murder her- " Ommiter interjected. "- are you still absolutely sure that she broke through the barrier?"
"Mhmmm." I nodded along, concealing the hotdog I was eating beneath the camera. Out of all the places I've been to, the Eagle Union has the best food by far. None of that slimy fish in the Sakura Empire nor the Super Duper bitter alcoholic snacks they have in Ironblood. Just pure junk food. Everything is fried in deep oily …... oil I guess, and it tastes so unhealthy, but so good! You won't believe how delicious chemicals are, they'r-"
"Curiosity!" Purifier shouted. "Are you paying attention!"
"Certainly Yes Yes." I shoved the hotdog underneath the table, and the mustard spilled all over my lap. This is the second best thing about the Eagle Union: everything was gloriously messy! You don't have to hold such manners like you do in the Sardegna Empire, (3) you can eat like an absolute pig and nobody would even-
"Curiosity!" Omitter warned. "If you do not answer me, I will replace your mission, okay?"
"Sorry, you were lagging." I lied, focusing back on the meeting.
"You know full well this is in real time." Purifier warned.
"Oh no, there is a person knocking on my door!" I acted shocked as my imaginary friend walked in. "I gotta g-"
"If you leave, I will come over and perform an audit." Omitter stated.
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"I'm sorry, could you please repeat the question, your honor." I straightened up.
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"Just give us a brief log of your encounters with Portland." Purifier sighed.
"Allright, so you know how Portland hit me on the first day and stuff right?" I nodded.
"Go on." Purifier leaned in.
"So I've been following her around." I explained. "I found out that she's training a Carrier in a basketball court after school, and the Carrier has improved drastically since the beginning. Portland's kinda a good teacher."
"Is she a threat?" Omitter asked.
"Not at all." I shook my head. "Unlike the other cruiser she tutors."
"What's her deal?" Purifier paced around.
"Well, she was originally kidnapped by Portland, but then decided to train with her for some reason."
"She was kidnapped?" Omitter narrowed her eyes.
"Yeah, but she's fine now." I slid a french fry in my mouth. (4)
"Did Portland get in trouble with the authorities?" Purifier sat back down.
"Not for that no." I shook my head. "She did get close to disassembly once."
"Explain that!" Purifier perked up. "How can we exploit it?"
"So, basically, Portland got into a fight with Independence, and she was still on probation at the time. Essex saw the whole thing, and demanded that Portland stand down. Portland refused, and so Essex said that she had to be discharged." I recounted.
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"So why isn't she gone?" Omitted rubbed her chin.
"Well, I went out and erased their memories so that she could live!" I smiled. "Am I not a good person, or what?"
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Purifier slammed the table. "GOD DAM-"
"Calm down." Omitter covered her mouth with a tentacle. "Everybody makes mistakes."
"She is an absolute IDIOT!" Purifier wrestled the gag away. "That was our TARGET! She has to be messing up on purpose! She is screwing with US!"
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"Allright." Omitter nodded once Purifier calmed down. "Now, we really need to get rid of Portland before our grand return. Curiosity, is there a way you can discreetly take her out?"
"Portland is quite strong, and has also surrounded herself with somewhat competent allies." I leaned back. "If I were to kill her, the Eagle Union could probably piece together that I did it, and find out rather quickly."
"How about an accident?" Omitter asked. "Would people believe that?"
"Perhaps." I shrugged. "I mean, I really doubt anybody would assume I did it on purpose."
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"Understood." Omitter's brain began to whirl. Her appendages swirled around frivolously as she formulated a plot. "I will convince Navigator to bring Enterprise back to your port. You will tell Essex that Enterprise is coming, and that they should prepare festivities. Make sure that Portland's little church hobby gets its own stall. Then, when she is distracted with a fire or any other impediment you cause, go and find her wisdom cubes. Once you have them, you will use our back door codes and crush them, and Portland should shut down. Nobody will ever suspect it's you. Does this sound good?"
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What did she just say?
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"Brilliant." Purifier rubbed her hands. "Absolute Genius!"
"Do you understand the plan?" Omitter turned to me.
"Absolutely!" I lied before saluting as the transmission cut off.
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Allright.
So all I have to do is tell Essex that Enterprise is coming. And then, I have to tell her to prepare a show? What was it again? A Carnival? A Tournament? I don't think she said tournament though...
Well, tournaments sound fun, now that I think about it. They can get food stalls and other stuff. Like those delicious corn dogs.
Mmmmmmh.
Corn dogs.
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Corn dogs sound super good. You know what? I think she did say corn dogs. I mean tournament. So I just need to create a tournament!
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What's the worst that could go wrong?
Footnotes:
(1): Unlike the magnificent licensed Indy dolls for the small small price of your soul!
(2): For once, Portland is not the person drugging others. Good on you.
(3): Surprisingly, that is how you spell Sardegna. It looks horridly wrong, but I guess it's correct?
(4): Up for debate
Hey! The Tournament Arc only took a month or so to start!
After some hyping up chapters, we'll get there in a few weeks!
That wasn't that long of a wait, right?
*Suddenly realizes that the first chapter of the tournament would start right in the middle of finals*
Well Fu-
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Anyways, See you next week!