List of oneshots part 4
chapter 49
Plot: A woman who has a dangerous craving adopts a boy with them traveling the world.
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A city at night, seems like the only lights are the street lights as people are safe in their homes. However, we see one pregnant woman walking home all by herself. It seemed calm, the sounds of the night breeze, a stray cat running by, the sounds of a car shaking because for some reason a couple wanted to fuck in their car. But then...everything suddenly got quiet...
The woman looked around, feeling a cool wind blow by which made her speed up her walking. 'Stay calm, you're almost there. When you get to bed you can relax and have a good night's sleep.'
That's when the sounds of wings flapping were heard and the sound kept getting louder.
"Huh? Is that a bird?" She looked around and couldn't see anything as the flapping got louder. "Is it getting closer?"
That's when somebody whispered in her ear. "It's right behind you."
A blood curdling scream echoed throughout that night!
The next day news vans, police cars, ambulances and curious people were on the scene. Cops looking at something under a tarp with a news reporter there.
"Hello, I'm Lulu Sunbeam of Channel 3 and a half news. We are here at the scene where the police have discovered a grizzly murder." She started. "The police have identified the corpse of 29-year-old Juniper Gutierrez, according to the coroner, she was 6 months pregnant when she was murdered last night."
"Hey! I didn't say you could report that!" yelled the chief.
"Yeah? Well suck my clit! The police found that claw marks and bite marks were all over her body, especially some suspicious markings on the neck and by the looks of things, whomever murdered poor Gutierrez possibly stole her baby."
'More like ate her baby, but whatever.' Thought a mysterious beauty who stood with the crowd.
"Alright folks, back it up, no going across the police lines."
She walked away as she smiled under her scarf. 'Time to get a drink, that meat was a bit dry.'
As she turned a corner, she saw a kid, bruised and with some rips on his clothes. 'Oh shit.' she thought, stopping and looking at the kid who didn't seem to notice her and was leaning against the alley wall.
"Frickin'...idiots..." they got out. He had black hair, pink colored eyes, a green shirt with the number 1 on it, blue jeans and sandals.
'It's none of my business, but can I really just ignore a kid who got beat up?' The woman thought to herself. She walked towards him slowly. "Excuse me."
"Huh? Oh, hey there miss...urgh...you need something?"
"Are you okay? You look pretty beat up."
"Some bullies at school did this." he admitted coughing out some blood. "It's no big deal."
"No big deal? You just coughed blood!" The woman then pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the blood.
"Don't worry about it, if you really wanna help me, just drive me home."
"Okay, my car is close by, what's your address?"
"99-P, 27th street."
"Okay."
"The name's Leroy by the way, but the school likes to call me Lemur for some reason."
"Nice to meet you, Lemur. I'm Blessica Cruz."
"Don't you mean Jessica?"
"Nope, Blessica, it's Filipino."
"What's that?"
"I'm from the Philippines, or rather my parents come from the Philippines."
"Oh...that's neat, I wish I knew where I came from." He struggled with picking himself up but he somehow did it.
"Will you be alright?"
"Yeah, this beating means I just gotta get stronger." Said Lemur before getting into Blessica's car.
"Well that's one way of looking at it." Then Blessica started driving her car.
"One day, I'm gonna leave this city, gonna travel and see if I can find out where I'm from."
"Nice, I'm actually planning on leaving this city also."
"Oh, you like to travel also?"
"Yep." She answered, but as for her thoughts. 'More like I wanna elude the fuzz.'
"At least you can leave whenever you want. I'm still too young to drive."
"Sorry to hear that, but at least you have what? 10 more years or something? You'll be travelling by then."
"Yeah, if I don't get into some injury from those bullies." he muttered looking out the window as the woman felt bad for that. "Anyways, this is my place." Then he left the car. "Bye Blessica, had a great talk with you."
"You're welcome Leroy, or rather, Lemur, hope we see each other again when you start traveling." Then as Blessica watched Lemura walk into a building she noticed the sign over the door. 'St. Renard's...ORPHANAGE?!'
Seeing that, made her do something drastic and on instinct. She got out of the car and walked towards the building. She grabbed Lemur before he could open the door.
"Huh? Blessica?"
"You never told me you were an orphan..."
"Yeah, so what? It's not something to be proud about."
"Oh no, it's just all that talk about wanting to travel and you never begged to go with me when I talked about travelling?"
"Who'd wanna adopt me? I'll just grow up and leave when I'm a grown up."
"I would, I don't have a house, I'm a drifter."
"You're a drifter? Huh, would never have guessed with your clothes."
"What? Did you expect a cloak? Or a huge backpack on me?"
"Yeah, along with an old rusty school bus as your ride."
"Hah, I drift in style kid. Now get back in the car, you're mine now."
"But...don't you have to fill out paperwork?"
"Yeah, wait in the car and I'll be back in a bit."
"Ok."
After some time filing some papers, Blessica finally stepped out.
"Alright let's go! For now on, you're Leroy Cruz."
"Oh right, forgot to ask about your last name earlier, Cruz? That sounds, spanish, thought you were Filipino."
"Modern Filipinos love english and spanish names."
"They do?"
"I have a lot to teach you about my culture, and you'll learn while on the road." Then Blessica punched the gas!
"Woah!" he fell back in his seat.
"Ready for adventure?!"
"Yeah!" He cheered as the car jumped off a ramp through a billboard!
1 year later...
"Oh Leroy, I got us dinner." Said Blessica as we now see both in thick coats for the freezing desert night.
"Is it edible?"
"Of course, I'm a pro at making edible stuff out of nothing." She lied.
"If you say so."
Flashback.
An hour earlier, we see Blessica after she killed another pregnant woman.
"Okay, I'll be taking the money in this wallet and let's hope my son can't tell the difference between instant ramen and soup made from nothing." she muttered while putting the stuff in a ripped piece of clothing. "Who knows, he might get hooked on it."
Back to Present
"Mmmh, this soup is really good." Said Leroy.
"See? Also I went into town for some dessert in the desert." She said before handing him a candy bar.
"Thank you mom."
"Just remember to wash out your mouth before you go to bed."
"Okay." After dinner, Leroy is sleeping in the cave while Blessica is sitting on a rock outside the cave, looking at the full moon.
"A year huh? Back then, I felt so lonely, but now I've got him and I doubt anyone would miss him...except me that is." she muttered with her head in her hand. "Who would have guessed I'd just up and be a mom like that?" Then she looked back at Leroy before smiling. "At least he isn't asking me if I'll get a date or get married. I don't wanna be tied down, not just yet."
With that she got up and walked over before laying down next to him. 'Good night, tomorrow, we hop onto my boat and we go wherever the current takes us I guess.'
The next day...
"Wow! I've never been out to sea bef-ow! A sea otter threw a clam at me!" Leroy yelled, rubbing his head and swearing the otter stuck its tongue out at him. "I'll drink your blood like a vampire!" Leroy shouted.
'Not all vampires drink blood, but no way am I gonna tell him that or he'll start asking how I know that.' she thought while looking out across the water. "Don't let it get to you Leroy."
"I won't. So it's getting pretty boring, I see nothing but ocean."
"Well you can either start fishing or we can make up a pirate story."
"I wanna do both."
"Great thinking." Then Blessica stepped back, dodging another clam that a sea otter threw at her. "Okay it's strange that happened twice."
"So where are the rods?"
"Hold on, I'm getting them." She told him, pulling out a fishing rod. "Do you know how to cast?"
"Yeah, back in the orphanage, fishing's been something I was training myself to do for when I finally started travelling."
"Oh? Then let's see how well you-" He swiped the rod from her, tied the hook on, put on the lure, and then expertly cast the line! "Huh, not bad."
"I told you." he smirked with pride.
"Just try not to let the line snap apart."
"I know."
"So while we wait for lunch, how would you imagine a pirate story?" Asked Blessica.
"Obviously, first there'd be a huge ship with a lemur skull and 2 ring tails as the Jolly Roger." He started. "There'd be an intimidating group of pirates all sweaty and stinky, except the captain who has her own bathtub."
"Her own bathtub? This story isn't about you?"
"Nah, I'm just pretending the woman who gave birth to me, whomever she is, was a pirate captain."
"Oh."
"I don't know who my actual parents are, so I make 'em up when it's story time. Think of them as my imaginary friends."
"Yeesh, don't make me cry here, calling your birth parents your imaginary friends. That's some very lonely shit."
"I don't feel so lonely now when I'm with you now, mom."
"Awww." she blushed at that remark.
"Now then, back to the pirate story, she heard that Gol D. Roger has been executed but his dying words were that his treasure is for-"
"I've already watched that anime."
"She helped a crab named Eugene out in the naming of a restaurant."
"Everyone knows this cartoon, kid."
"Johnny Depp."
"Don't watch those pirate movies, read the book."
"Uh...she meets a prince in plaid?"
"I know what comic you're about to reference."
"Okay, she uh...heard about a treasure somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle?"
She then gave Leroy a thumbs up.
"And so she set out on a course there, but on the voyage she came across an odd pod of mutant orcs that had tentacles."
"Oh, sounds like a tough fight."
"It was! But they managed because of one pirate named Juju the Brave! A pirate who specialized in axes! Chopping the tentacles off for delicious calamari!"
"Wouldn't they just grow back?"
"Nah, the mutation only allowed the chieftain to grow his tentacles back and the chieftain is a huge coward."
"Ah, nevermind then."
"The orc chieftain sent wave after wave of his people at them, he even tried slowing down the pirates by catapulting the women and children at them!"
"He was that scared of the pirates that he'd sacrifice innocents?"
"Yeah, he's like any coward leader, throws out everyone like garbage."
"Oooh, burn."
"The pirates stole all the town's wealth, killed the chieftain, and the cabin boy, McDumdum married an orc and got her to join the crew."
"Oooh."
"And the end, until thier next adventure." That's when the fishing pole got a bite! "Woah! Something's got it!" Leroy pulled and reeled! "Give it some slack...THEN YANK!" He shouted.
"And don't break!"
"I won't, and I'll be fine as long as a shark isn't biting the bait."
And cue a shark jumping into the boat.
"I spoke too soon!"
"Kill it with fire!"
Both thought fast and then impaled it with the fishing rod! It flailed about while trying to gnash at them. Eventually it died.
"Sweet, let's go eat some shark." Said Blessica.
"Is that safe?"
"It will be after the blood is drained, I made sure I killed any parasites and then cooked it." She said after dragging their catch to another side of their boat.
"Huh, I'll take your word for it."
'I wonder what we're gonna end up eating once we make it to Germany.'
(Timeskip)
We now see them partying in Germany with the locals and their dogs.
"These people sure can sing and make it sound violent." Said Leroy while petting a Dachshund.
"That's just the German accent, speaking of singing. We're almost up!" Said Blessica before chugging her beer!
"Oh, okay, see yah Mikhail." He said to the dachshund.
"Arf arf!"
They got on stage and looked for a song as the people and dogs were both barking.
"Which one should we go with?" Asked Leroy.
"Ooh, let's go with this spy song." Said Blessica.
"Snake Eater?" Asked Leroy "I wouldn't think it was a spy song with a title like that."
"I don't think you were even born when the video game came out."
"It was on a video game?"
"Yeah! When we make it to one of my storage warehouses...I think in Japan, we'll play the game."
"Wait, you have a warehouse in Japan?"
"I told you I like to drift in style, so I have a lot of stuff."
"That explains why you had a fancy boat, and that fancy car back in the states, but uh, how rich are you?"
"That's a secret I'll take to my grave." Then she handed him the German equivalent of 100 dollars.
They were about to start singing but then an angry woman barged in.
"That's enough! Otto!" She shouted.
"Y-yes, l-landlady?" Said a nervous man.
"Party's over! I'm trying to sleep, this stress isn't good for my pregnant belly!"
'Finally, food for me.' Blessica thought.
"All of you! Out!"
Everyone was kicked out.
"What a mean lady." Said Leroy.
"Don't worry kid, you have my permission to say bit-" Then a powerful gale blew and threw Blessica's dress up, exposing huge scars on her belly!
Leroy blushed, but quickly looked away as she pushed it down.
"Stupid wind!" Then she turned her head to Leroy. "Did you see?"
"How did you get those scars?"
"Uh...I wrestled with a bobcat one time."
"But aren't those things only 2 feet high? How did it scratch you that viciously?"
"You're right, I didn't get these from a Bobcat. I got these from what ate the Bobcat!"
"And it was?"
"A black bear!"
"Say whaaaaat?"
"Yeah, the deadliest bear on earth, and I somehow survived it. Almost made out with the doctor who patched me up."
"Ew."
"Hey! He was a looker."
"Still, too much information." Then he yawned. "Oh, I guess that party took more out of me than I thought."
"Here's a spare key to my apartment here, you remember the way?"
He nodded.
"Good. I'm gonna go get some dinner, you crash on the couch."
"Good plan."
Later...
The landlady who ruined the party was sitting on a chair, watching the full moon.
'Can't wait for my baby to watch the full moon with me.'
'This is what you get for ruining the fun party me and my son were enjoying.'
The landlady sat up when she heard the sound of wings flapping, making her look around. "Bats? No way any birds are awake tonight."
"Dinner time!"
"What?" She gasped while turning around.
Blessica hissed at her before grabbing her!
"I know you, you were at that party."
"I was about to sing karaoke with my adopted son! Then you cancelled the party! I'm mad at you right now!"
"I'm sorry, just don't kill me!"
"Sorry, but as a vampire from the Philippines, the only thing that can actually fill my belly, is pregnant women!" she grinned, showing off her sharp teeth. "Dinner time!"
A blood curdling scream was heard that night...
The next morning we see Blessica and Leroy in a car driving past a news van, police cars and an ambulance.
"Man, what happened there?"
"Probably some random mugging, you'll see those no matter where you go."
"But sir, her belly was torn open and the coroner found she was pregnant and a lot of bite marks." Said a deputy.
"The city's full of weirdos, all for the sake of some petty cash."
"Weirdos...right...totally not a psycho cannibal on the loose."
"Get your head out of the clouds, we gotta ask around to see if anyone saw anything."
"Actually, while you were busy in your sleeping bag, I, talked to witnesses."
"Hey! Don't make fun of my sleeping bag!"
"You're a lazy cop, and I hope I get promoted from my deputy position."
"One more crack like that and I'm gonna crack your face."
With Leroy and Blessica...
"So mom, where are we going next?"
"France, we're gonna climb the eiffel tower, then bungee jump off of it!"
"Isn't that dangerous? Especially with your belly scars?"
"Oh don't worry about those. They've healed up long ago. Besides, it's a great way to get your blood pumping."
"If you say so." he shrugged before looking back out the window while Blessica wiped the corner of her mouth which had some blood on it still.
'I can't wait for summer.' She thought excitedly 'I have so much planned when we go back to the states. But right now, bungee jumping in France!'
Later in France...
"That's 20 girls you've flirted with and gotten slapped by." Said Blessica.
"Hey, we're in Paris, city of love, I really wanted to try." He shrugged while she rolled her eyes.
"That's easier to believe in movies than real life. If it was that easy, people would come here to get hitched and not bother anywhere else."
"You just don't believe in love anymore because you're probably pushing 30."
"Don't make me throw you off of Eiffel Tower without a bungee cord." she warned. "Women in their 30s can still find a guy, but I'm not."
"Oooh, so you're a lesbian."
"Am not."
"Bi then?"
"No." She said with a deadpan face.
"Pansexual? Asexual? We can keep going."
"Look, the point is I'm not looking for romance right now. I just wanna have as much fun as I can."
"I'll figure it out, you know that right?"
"You won't, you'll get bored of it as soon as we get to the top."
Later...
"You're right, I did get bored of asking as soon as we got up here."
"Good, now brace yourself and try not to wet yourself."
"If I do, I won't ask questions for a week."
"Good."
"Hey! Untie those bungee cords!" Shouted a guard.
"Let's do this!" Said Leroy!
"Don't you dare jump!"
They jumped!
"Yeah! This is worth jail time!" Said Blessica as they fell! "Though I'm disappointed I couldn't sing Javert's song before jumping!"
"AHHHHHHH!" screamed Leroy with his arms flailing about.
Later...we see both in jail.
"Hey, ready to be fugitives?"
"How would we accomplish that?"
Then Blessica puked out a nail file.
"How'd you do that?"
"I've been to a lot of jails, the inmates teach you things." She said. "I'll never forget you, my comrade Konstantine. Even after you were unfortunately given the electric chair."
"Woah, you knew a guy who was given the chair?"
"You make a lot of friends when traveling, kid." she replied before using the file against the cell bars.
"Hey hot mama, wanna let us out?" Asked an inmate.
"And why should I?" Blessica replied, taking out one bar.
"I'll alert the guards."
"Ugh fine, I'll give you the nail file after I'm done with it."
"Should we really? I'm pretty sure I saw this guy on a crime documentary back in the states." Said Leroy.
"They have a documentary for me in America? Guess my murders were just so bone chilling!" Said the inmate.
"...we'll hit the alarm when we get out." whispered Blessica.
"Rad." He whispered back.
(Later)
After miraculously escaping prison, they go to her small house in France.
"That was really close." Said Blessica.
"You said it, I thought we were gonna get caught for sure. So uh, you realize they've got our pictures right?"
"Oh don't worry, I'll figure something out. Now let's get ready, we've got a trip to Japan! I've got another boat stashed somewhere."
"Cool!"
(Later)
"Behold, the land of the rising sun."
"Wow."
"And remember to be respectful here."
"After all the lectures you gave me, I will."
"Good boy."
Before having some fun they decided to stop by a restaurant.
"Hold the salt and garlic please." Said Blessica, telling the waiter her order.
'I noticed she keeps asking to hold the salt and garlic. Is she allergic?' wondered Leroy after ordering the clams.
After eating, Leroy popped the question.
"So mom, are you allergic to garlic and salt? I noticed that you always say hold the garlic and salt each time we eat."
"Oh! Uh, yes, I'm deathly allergic to them. I get a bad rash if I even touch them."
"Huh, I know people can have garlic allergy, but I didn't think a salt allergy existed. I thought only demons and vampires had those allergies."
"Whaaaat? That's crazy, tons of people have allergies like that." she chuckled.
"I dunno you'd be even cooler if you were a monster. Then again, you're already super cool."
"Flattery will get you nowhere. Still gonna kick your ass at video games."
"Ha! You're on."
Later at Blessica's storage unit...
"Game! This game's winner is...Terry!"
"Hah! 5-0, take that mom!"
"How are you so good at Smash Bros? This is your first time playing it!"
"Not really sure actually."
"...are you using a hack?"
"I've been sitting next to you the whole time, when did I have to hack?"
"Good point."
"Ready to make it an even 6?"
"Bring it on!"
And cue them going another round.
"This game's winner is...Terry!"
"How do you keep fucking winning with Terry? How are you so good at getting his super specials in an instant?"
"Because there was an arcade nearby and I had a lot of fun playing Fatal Fury and King of Fighters, the games he comes from."
"Damn it!" she yelled before rage quitting. She got up and walked away.
"Mom! Stop being so salty!"
"I can't when I have a kid who's good at fighting games!"
"Can we play Snake Eater now? You promised me we'd play that game."
"Sure, just let me calm down."
(Later)
"What a thrill..."
"What the? Is someone singing up there?" Asked Leroy as he climbed the ladder.
"With darkness and silence through the night..."
"Yeah this climbing part would be pretty boring because it's such a big ladder so they played the theme song."
"Makes sense to me."
After playing some more games, they then decided to watch some comedy anime.
"Why are you guys wearing my underwear!?" Said the teenage girl getting ready to kill some curious teenage boys.
"Please don't kill us, we were bored because your lame brother doesn't have any videogames!"
"Also because your panties smell awesome!"
"Have you said your prayers to your god?"
"Yep."
"I swear, I tried stopping them but they're immune to pain."
"No, your punches just su-augh." Then the teenage boy with the spiky hair was punched by the teenage girl!
"He deserved that." Leroy commented.
"Oh big time."
After some anime, they decided to attempt bungee jumping again, off the Tokyo Tower. But then they were immediately thrown out!
"Never come back!" Shouted a guard.
"Frickin Youtubers." Said another. "This is why I'm a Myspace kinda guy."
"MySpace is a dead website!" Shouted Blessica as they ran away.
"You're...right..."
"It's okay, I'll help you get on Twitter."
"Fuck that!"
Back with Blessica and Leroy.
"Japan's been pretty fun, thanks for showing me the games, the shows, the places, I really enjoyed the stage shows with Kamen Riders and Super Sentai. Especially the wardrobe malfunctions."
"Didn't expect the antenna on the Zero One costume to just fly off like that."
"At least it didn't hit anyone important."
"So where are we headed to now?"
"My birthday is in a few days, so we're heading to my homeland. The Philippines."
"Really? We're going to your homeland?"
"Yeah, your grandma is gonna stuff you fat, with all of the dishes the Philippines has to offer."
"Yeesh, am I really gonna get fat once I finally meet grandma?"
"Yep, she's been bitching and whining for grandkids, like any parent."
"I better get a work out schedule."
"Also get ready for English Dub Kamen Rider on Cartoon Network."
"What...?" Leroy said very confused. "I thought the only english Kamen Riders were Saban's Masked Rider and Kamen Rider Dragon Knight."
"Oh, one of the seasons of Kamen Rider, Kamen Rider Kabuto is english dubbed and on Cartoon Network in the Philippines." She explained. "The dub also aired in Malaysia."
"That's weird..."
"You're telling me."
Some time later they make their way to the Philippines and made their way to grandma's house on foot.
"So many feminine men..." Leroy commented.
"Yeah, there's a lot of them here."
"Is it genetic?"
"No, there's just a lot of them, and a lot of jeeps."
"I've noticed."
"Hey, want this novelty toy I got for you?" Blessica said, holding a wooden figurine of a man in a barrel.
"A toy? How is it a toy?"
"Take off the barrel."
He took off the barrel to reveal a big wooden penis!
"It's a gag gift!" Then she laughed at him.
"Not funny!"
"Okay, okay I'm sorry, also we're almost there."
That's when he noticed a Huntsman Spider killing a rat!
"Woah..."
"There's some big bugs here too, wanna see up close?"
"No! And don't scare me like that!"
"I'm sorry, just having some fun with you because I'm excited." she chuckled making him puff up his cheeks.
They eventually made it to a house with a bunch of people outside.
"Hey family!" She called to them!
"Blessica!" They then got up and greeted her.
"Hey Tito Tito, Hey Tita Minnie, hey Ate Tiara, hey everyone else. Wanna meet this kid I adopted?"
"You adopted a kid during your travels and didn't tell us?" Said an old man with a big moustache.
"Sorry dad. Hey Leroy, introduce yourself!"
"Hello everyone, I'm Leroy, some things happened, and I was suddenly adopted by Blessica here, last year." He briefly explained.
"Hey there kid, guess that means we're cousins." Said a teenage boy with messy hair, blue jacket, black pants, brown sandals but no shirt under his jacket. "I'm Drago!"
"Nice to meet you."
"Hey there kid, guess I'm your grandpa." Said the old man with a moustache. Looking down and smiling. "Here's some money." He then handed Leroy some money.
"Thanks...grandpa..."
"Oh I'm so happy! I finally have a grandchild!"
"Hey! What about me?" Said Drago.
"Oh right, I keep forgetting you."
"You senile old man."
"Say Leroy, say hi to my older sister, Tiara." She then gestured to a woman in a blue dress and sunhat.
"Hey there, I'm your tita Tiara, I'm Drago's mom."
"Tita?"
"Aunt." Blessica replied.
"Oh."
"You're so cute, I remember when Drago was your age, he was so adorable, but now he's grown into a teen heartthrob who gets all the girls."
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Replied Leroy.
"It is when he keeps bringing a different girl home and won't stick with one."
"Wow, maybe he can give tips for mom on finding a date." Then Leroy and Tiara started laughing.
"Dude! Don't make fun of me like that!"
"He's just joking, Blessica." Said a nasally voice.
"I know Tito Tito, but he's been making fun of my love life for weeks. Hey Leroy, this man here's your grand uncle."
"Hey there Leroy, wanna beta test this video game I'm making?" Asked a man in a white shirt, and suspenders to keep his pants up.
"You make video games?"
"I'm old and retired, but I need a hobby."
"Okay, I'll try out your game."
"Great."
And so Leroy was introduced to lots more relatives.
"So when do I get to meet grandma? I heard she's gonna stuff me fat."
"Oh, she's here. Watching in the shadows."
"Watching in the shadows?"
"JK, she's standing behind you."
He turned and found himself pulled into a bone crushing hug.
"Hello there! Finally, Blessica, you're the last one of my kids to give me a grandchild!" Said an old lady in a red shirt, red jacket and red pants.
"Hey there mom. I see your horoscope said red is today's lucky color."
"And it sure is, hello there, you don't look pinoy, you adopted?"
"Yes." He was able to get out as she kept crushing him.
"Okay honey, time to let go, you're killing the boy." Said grandpa.
"Oh come now, a bit longer is all I ask."
"This ain't your birthday, this is Blessica's birthday, what do you think Blessica?"
"Keep crushing him for a good 3 minutes."
"Fucking dammit mom!"
"Woah! Why's he cussing now?" Said another relative.
"Oh, sorry everyone, I gave him permission."
"Oooooh."
"Seriously?"
"Hey, he ain't going to school, so he may as well cuss."
"Wow little sis, you've already failed as a parent." Said Tiara.
"Well it's my birthday, I can do whatever I want." She retorted, getting an eye roll from her older sister.
After meeting some more relatives, they had a big and exciting party. With lots of food and a bunch of the adults sitting at some tables playing mahjong and mancala.
"So tell us, does he know about..." Then grandma's mouth was covered by Blessica's mouth. "Mmmhmm..hm?" She noticed her mouth was covered as Blessica's head furiously shaked left and right.
'Wow, first you drop the ball on letting him cuss, now you're dropping the ball on not telling him that?' All of them thought.
"I'm waiting to tell him." She whispered. "Don't do it for me!"
"Ok ok, we won't."
"Thanks a lot." Then she left to go upstairs.
'But we will mock you with it, wait till tonight.' They all thought.
So later that night...
"So, ever heard of flying foxes?" Asked grandma.
"No, what's that?"
"It's a type of giant bat that lives here in the Philippines."
"Oh great first the giant moths I saw earlier during the party, now giant bats?"
"Relax anak, Flying Foxes are just fruit bats." Grand Uncle Tito assured.
'WHAT ARE THEY DOING!?' Blessica shrieked in her mind.
"Phew."
"And with bats that big, of course it would inspire a scary monster."
"Really? Like what?"
"Okay, time for me to tell you a story." Said Drago.
"Of what?"
"The manananggal." He said while looking at Blessica.
"Banana, what?"
"The Manananggal, our country's vampires." Said Tiara while smirking at her sister.
'Oh fuck off all of you!' she thought while tempted to throw something at them.
That's when the room turned pitch black and suddenly a flashlight was shining on Drago.
"Okay, kid. Listen up...imagine a pregnant woman walking through the night, then all of a sudden, the sounds of bugs, the wind, plants rustling and just the city or town itself suddenly going silent before being replaced by the flapping of wings..."
Leroy gulped hearing the description.
"The flapping gets louder and louder then suddenly, she sees it! The Manananggal! Now imagine this, a female vampire with huge bat wings but the lower half of her body is missing! Alls you see is the guts and spinal cord hanging out!"
"Oh god, and she sucks the pregnant woman's blood?"
"No, she eats that woman, eats the unborn baby too."
That sent chills down Leroy's spine!
"In order to defeat a Manananggal you must find her lower half and sprinkle salt, garlic or even holy water on it so when she comes back she can't turn into a human to disguise herself during the day and once the sun comes up she will burn like any vampire!"
"How would we know if a Manananggal is among us?"
Meanwhile with the readers...
"THEY SAID AMONG US! YEAAAAAAH!"
Back to Leroy...
"Simple, they always hide the scars on their belly."
"Scars?"
"Yeah, huge scars, because of how often they split apart during the night."
"Ok I think you're scaring him!" Then she grabbed Leroy. "Come on, let's go to bed."
'I'm sure it's all coincidences...' Thought Leroy. 'Monsters don't exist.'
"Sleep tight you two, don't let the Manananggal bite."
'NOT FUNNY!' She shouted in her head looking at all of her family members with murderous intent. 'This ain't the worst birthday but it is the most stressful.'
'Worth it.'
As soon as the door slammed shut, the entire family started shaking hands, fist bumping, and high fiving.
"That was a riot!"
As they made noise, Leroy was sleeping while on the other side of the bed, Blessica was mad. Arms crossed, cheeks puffed up as she stared at the ceiling.
'These embarrassing people are one of the reasons why I left.'
(Later)
"And remember, if you ever have time. All of the recipes for the Philippines' best dishes are in this journal." Said grandma, handing it to Leroy.
"Thanks grandma."
"Come-on, let's go already!" Said Blessica.
"Coming!"
"And remember, we'll be here to welcome you with open arms!" She called as Leroy ran to his mother.
Later...
"That was great, so where to now?" Asked Leroy.
"Africa, an old arch-nemesis of mine has challenged me to a showdown."
"Really?"
"Yep, ready to see your mom kick someone's ass?"
"Yeah!"
"Good."
Later in Africa...
We see a baboon rushing to the edge of a cliff! The lions roared, demanding their cub back, but the baboon screeched at them.
"Some circle of life." Leroy commented.
"Disney waters everything down."
"Is that why we don't see deaths as brutal as Clayton's anymore?"
"Pretty much."
Then a drunk guy pushed past them.
"Woooooo!"
"Was that guy cosplaying B'wana Beast?"
"Who's B'wana Beast?"
"I'll tell you later."
"I wanna know now."
"I said later..."
"Fine."
"So what kind of enemy is this?"
Later that night there was a ring set up in the middle of a savanna.
"Watch closely."
Then some freaky looking green person appeared. "Hello monsters of all kind! Ready for a wild rumble?!"
'What the why is the announcer green?'
"Today we have a showdown of the ages! Zuri the Werehyena!"
"Hey kid, put on this hazmat suit, Werehyenas cause humans to suffer disease." Said a regular human.
"W-what?"
"Vs her rival, all from the Philippines, Blessica the Manananggal!"
"Blessica?!" That's when he saw his adoptive mother grow sharp claws, razor sharp teeth with fangs, read eyes, huge bat wings sprouting from her back before splitting her body apart!
"Mom..."
"Uh, hey, kid, put on the hazmat suit."
"Okay..." he spoke, slipping it on with a stunned expression and without looking away.
"Hey kid, what's wrong?" Asked a mutant talking soccer ball.
"My mom was a vampire this whole time..."
"She never told you? Weird, I'd figure parents would tell their kids stuff like that from the get-go."
"Yeah...me too."
Then they saw a woman climbing into the ring, presumably Blessica's opponent.
"Blessica..." Then the woman started turning into a hyena. "I've been waiting for this rematch."
"She's just turning into a regular Hyena..." Leroy pointed out.
"Oh, the human skin of a Werehyena is the false skin, the true form of these magical hyenas with the power to cause disease just by looking in your direction."
"Oh." He said. "Well thank you very much for the hazmat suit."
"What in the...Zuri..." Said Blessica. "Why do I smell something familiar coming from you?"
"I'm one month pregnant."
"Oh...congratulations."
"Yeah, while I was training, I wanted to make sure I fought you at your most savage, so I found a guy, we fucked, and now I'm a month in."
"So, you'll risk death to fight me?"
"Yep, either I die here or I die when I give birth, this last match is gonna be great." Said Zuri, baring her teeth.
"Die from birth?" Asked Leroy.
"Female hyenas have a penis, so imagine someone giving birth through their penis. If the penis rips open they die which is a very high rate of death for hyenas. So this Werehyena better hope she gives birth during the day when she has a human vagina."
"Ouch." He said while putting his hands over his crotch.
"Alright ladies and gentlemen, I've kept you waiting long enough! Let's get to the fighting!" Said the announcer as a bell rang! "Leeeet's get ready to ruuuuuuumble!"
Zuri began the match by charging at her! Blessica flew up, Zuri almost biting her exposed guts.
"You think I'll just let you bite me?"
"Come down here so I can!"
"Nah, I'll figure something out like always."
"Kick her butt, aunt Zuri!" Cheered a young werehyena standing next to Leroy.
"Yeah! Watch me kick this bitch's a-ow!" Zuri took a slash to the side of her body!
"Pay attention dumbass!"
"Oh you done did it now!"
They then started coming at each other! Zuri pounced but Blessica held her back and her snapping jaws!
"I'll skin you and turn you into my new pelt!"
'If mom wins...is she actually gonna eat the unborn baby?' Thought Leroy, horrified. 'I don't want that!'
Blessica punched Zuri and then she countered with a tackle!
'How am I...gonna stop her...?' he thought, looking around in panic. He saw a hot dog stand who had garlic sauce as one of the condiments on one side and on the other side, Blessica's lower half of her body being guarded by huge muscular guys who will stop anyone from attempting to cheat. 'That's it!' He ran for the garlic sauce bottle, and then bolted for the legs.
"Hey! Who are you?"
"I'm Blessica's son, I gotta get her legs."
"..."
"Good enough for me."
"Really?"
"No."
"Please I just figured out she's a baby eating vampire tonight! I don't wanna see her do it!"
"Wait, this is your first time seeing her true self?"
"I dunno why she kept it secret but the clues really hit me as soon as this happened!"
"Hmmm..."
"Oh my god, she's unleashing a barrage of slashes on Zuri! Could this be the end?" The announcer shouted.
Zuri growled before biting onto Blessica's hand and didn't let go.
"Ew, bad dog! If my legs were here I'd kick you with them!"
'But they're not bitch!'
With enough punches she managed to make Zuri let go then threw her to a corner and then with one hand held her down while with the other hand relentlessly punched her!
"Gah! Gah!"
"Oh crap, you can hear the hyena's bones cracking!" Shouted an audience member!
"You're dying here!"
"Mom! Stop!" Leroy shouted!
The audience stopped and looked at him.
"Mom? How ironic." Zuri commented.
"Quiet you! Yeah, it's pretty shocking to see this right? Your mom being a monsted this whole time?"
"Are you why all those police and news find crime scenes as soon as we start leaving?"
"Yep..."
"So you really ate women? And their unborn babies?"
"Yeah, that's how my species lives...I was only pretending to eat real food when I was with you."
"So it was all a lie? Everything?"
"Just the eating part. Was it a lie when I adopted you last year? Was it a lie when I gave you permission to cuss? Was it a lie whenever I kiss you and tell you I love you Leroy? I've been waiting for this moment to reveal to you the real me, and our relatives almost spoiled it."
"Yeah kid, she may be a vicious killer, but she's your mother and loves you." Said Zuri getting up and panting.
"She still ate people! And she's trying to do the same to you right now!"
"Yeah but this is my choice. So what's your choice? Reject someone who loves you because she's a monster or accept her because finding love is hard?"
"..."
"Leroy? Is my little lemur gonna leave me?"
"...no..." Then he climbed into the ring. "Zuri's right, it's hard finding love. Back in the orphanage, parents have been rejecting me because I'm not like other kids, they were scared of how serious I was about adventuring this planet. Also, you saved me! If those bullies decided it, they could've put me in the wheelchair or even worse killed me destroying my dreams to travel because I was an orphan, who'd care if we died?"
"I would." She then flew over to him. "I spontaneously just went for adopting you but I loved your company. You make me happy."
Then Leroy took off his hazmat suit. "You make me happy too! Let's never leave each other behind!" Then they hugged.
The crowd cheered.
"*sniffle* Now ain't that a touching moment." Said the announcer.
"Great choice kid, but you do realize you just took off a hazmat suit in a Werehyena's line of sight, right?"
"*cough!* Oh crap..."
"It's okay, it's okay, there's a reason why we make people sick." Said Zuri.
The next day...
After some blood letting, Leroy was okay and Zuri had a full glass of blood to drink.
"Say, how about we call it even?" Said Zuri in her human form before chugging down the diseased blood.
"For now, just until after you give birth."
"Which reminds me...aren't you hungry? I stopped you from eating Zuri..." Said Leroy.
"Oh no, I ran into some pregnant Karen after you passed out."
"Oh god, Karens are the worst."
"Yep, which reminds me, we better get going before the cops pick up my trail, drink this cranberry juice and let's get going."
"Alright."
Both then snuck off as the newscaster arrived.
"I think it's pretty cool that you're a vampire, just scares me of the type of vampire you are." Said Leroy as they got on a bus and got away scott free.
"So let's promise, no more secrets." Said Blessica.
"Okay. First secret, I always wanted a goblin girlfriend and now that I know monsters are real..."
"Oh, you're gonna replace me already? What about what you said about never leaving each other behind?"
"I ain't replacing you."
"Sure sounds like it."
"When you're old and grey, I promise to make sure you'll get grandchildren, how does that sound?"
"...I interview the girl first. If I don't like her, she's out."
"Deal."
Then they hugged as the bus drove off.