Hello! Happy Saturday! So the next 2 chapters are going to be a little different than the other chapters.
The next two are written in first person! *air horn noises*
So I never usually write in first person. Like ever. I used to always write in first person back in high school (actually the original version of this was written in first person.)
However I decided to write these in third person. I like how in third person you can effortlessly swap between people. This story is so big I feel if it was written in first person you would lose a lot of the story and I didn't want to have to swap constantly.
That being said, I also think it takes more skill to write in first person well.
So I decided to write little side pieces in first person for practice. I wrote one in Jirou's perspective. (I don't think I'll ever post it. His backstory was already covered.) Anyway, so I wrote that. Then on a whim I did one for Kazu.
Now I want to cover Kazu's backstory so I might as well use it, so I put it in this story. I was going to change it to third person but I like it the way it is. It's cool to see a different perspective.
So I hope you enjoy! Let me know how I did with the first person writing haha.
o-o-o-o-o
Chapter 5: Dreams
Kazu's POV
It was the same thing every night when he came home.
For as long I could remember, I would watch my mother go through the same routine.
She would nervously clean and make sure everything was perfect before he got home from work.
She would snap on me sometimes, if I left toys out or had messed things up.
I was a kid and really didn't think too much into it. I could never understand why she bothered. It didn't make him in a better mood.
Most nights he came home from work and didn't talk to us. He just started drinking, and maybe made a disgruntled comment on how useless we were.
However, there were the occasional nights where he would stay out late. He would come home completely trashed.
He would yell and wake me up from my sleep.
I would lay in my bed listening to him yell at my mother. There would be a slapping sound, and I would hear her cry.
I wanted to help, but what could a snot nosed kid like me do?
All I could do was lay there and hope I wasn't next.
This went on for sometime. I started fighting my mom on going to bed. Somehow thinking by not going to bed, it wouldn't happen.
I just couldn't do it. Laying there in the dark, waiting.
"Hirokazu!" He would call.
"Don't wake him! He's sleeping!" My mother would plead.
It never worked. He still would drag me out of bed, to drunkenly yell at me about how I was nothing, would always be nothing, and hit me.
I was lucky social services were never called on me. Luckily my mom was a great actress and could come up with a thousand perfectly normal excuses for everything.
"Kazu is such a clutz, but he is a boy. I'm sure that's normal at this age." She would say to my teachers, when I would always come in with new bruises.
"Mom! I can't wear makeup! I'm not a girl!" I whined as she blotted the sponge on my face.
"I know honey, I know. But It's just to hide this bruise on your face. I don't want anyone to say anything." She said.
"Why does he hit us?" I asked, looking up at her.
She looked away and I saw tears shine in her eyes. "I don't know Kazu. I really don't. Don't worry one day we'll be far away from him."
I nodded, but didn't say anything more. She always said that. However, the more time went on the less I believed it.
It wasn't until that night. God what was it? January of 88? Probably only shortly after the new year. I was 11 at the time.
I had been laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling. Dad wasn't home at his normal time. Which meant he'd come home late tonight, and I'd have a new bruise for my mother to explain.
Now I just had to wait.
That's when the door opened abruptly, and someone turned on the lights.
I sat up quickly, spooking at the sudden noise. I squinted in the now bright room, as I reached for my glasses and put them on.
I blinked as my vision focused, and I saw my mom in the doorway.
"Mom? What's wrong?" I asked, adjusting my glasses.
"We're leaving. Now. Grab everything you need and let's go." She said sternly.
I looked at her in shock. "Wait, leaving? Where are we going?"
"Tokyo. That's where we're going. It's a 2 hour train ride. The train leaves in an hour so hurry up. We need to be out of here before he gets back. Pack whatever you can carry and let's go." She said, passing me a backpack.
I blinked, looking around at my room. "But what about all my stuff! My toys and-" I started but she cut me off.
"Kazu, that isn't important right now. Maybe we'll be able to come back for it. But right now pack what you need. Now." She said in a tone that made me not want to argue.
I quickly packed and before I knew it, we left the only home I've ever known.
I stared out the train window into the black January night. My eyes began to droop as I wondered what awaited us in Tokyo.
My mom laid my head on her lap as she ran her fingers through my hair.
"Don't worry Kazu. We'll be alright. He can't hurt us anymore." She said softly.
I nodded as I started to drift off.
I wanted to believe her.
But for some reason, I couldn't.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
6 years later
May 20, 1994
"Now over the weekend I want you all to write a short paper on your future goals and plans. You all are in your third year now. If you haven't already started, now is the time to start planning." My teacher droned on.
I rolled my eyes and rested my head on the desk. I don't even know what I'm eating for dinner, and this asshole thinks I got future plans?
The bell finally rang, signaling the end of the day.
I shoved my book into my bag and slung it over my shoulder.
"Yanagi." My teacher called, before I could leave.
I stopped and sighed before turning and walking up to him.
"Teach, I know it's relatively early in the year, but you should know. Being called Yanagi makes me twitch. Kazu is fine." I said, placing an unlit cigarette in my mouth.
His eyes widened at my words. "I wanted to talk to you about your last five homework assignments." He said sternly.
"What's wrong with them?" I asked.
"I never got them. You haven't handed them in." He said.
I shrugged. "Sounds about right. I work pretty much every night."
"That isn't an excuse Yanagi. I have plenty of students who work and still get their assignments in on time. I looked over your entry exams and you received very high marks. One of the highest in your class. Don't tell me you plan on throwing it all away." He said.
I frowned. "There's more to life than just numbers on paper you know."
He sighed. "I will excuse the assignments. However Monday I want your future plan paper on my desk. Understand?"
I ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah I guess, even though I don't have any future plans. I'm more of a day by day kinda person." I said flatly.
"Well I still need it. Monday. Now go before I write you up. You know smoking isn't allowed on campus." He said, crossing his arms.
I gave him a questionable look. "I know that. Why do you think it's not lit?" I said like it was obvious.
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Goodbye Yanagi."
I gave a mock salute before heading out.
I inwardly swore as I looked at my watch. Thanks to that talk I was running late. I jogged through the halls, and down the steps.
I definitely couldn't be late for work. They would take time off my paycheck. Kimura-san was understanding, but not that understanding.
Rent was coming up soon. Mom was covering utilities this month, so it was my turn for the rent. Maybe I could talk to Mori about giving me an extra few days.
I sighed as I quickened my pace as I went down the busy city streets. Finally, I reached my destination.
I walked into the small ramen shop, and wiped the sweat from my brow. "Hey-o! Hope I'm not late." I called.
"Kazu, you're always late." Kimura-san said, coming out of the kitchen.
I sighed. "Yeah well my teacher thought he'd give me a heartwarming speech. He thinks he can fix me I'm sure." I said, tying my apron.
"Are you doing your school work?" He asked.
I waved him off. "School isn't my number one priority right now." I said, flipping the sign on the door to open.
He shook his head. "It should be. You can't work at the ramen shop forever."
I leaned against the counter and smiled. "Oh come on, would that be so bad? Me and you have good times here."
He rolled his eyes and tousled my hair. "Get to work. And you need a haircut." He said walking back into the kitchen.
I fiddled with a piece of hair that hung in my face. Did I really need a haircut? Eh whatever, I didn't have time to worry about trivial things like haircuts.
People started to fill the small shop, and I got to work cleaning tables and serving food.
"Okay, here's the number 9 and a number 8." I said with a smile to the pair of girls sitting at the table.
"Thank you so much!" The one said happily, her face flushed from my smile.
I gave her a wink before walking off. Hopefully if I turned up the charm, I would get good tips tonight.
"Hey Kazu, my regular please!" A man called as he entered.
I waved over to him. "You got it Sasaki-san!" I said writing down the order.
I liked being at work. Work was predictable, easy. I knew exactly what I had to do, and nobody expected anything more from me. The tedium was almost therapeutic. I know I could come here and it would be the same thing everyday. No matter how crazy everything was, there would always be hungry people wanting ramen.
Or at least that's what I thought, but hey what's life without a couple of wrenches thrown into everything?
Whether we like it or not, life pushes us along down the path it lays out for us. I don't know if I would call it fate or destiny. No nothing that stupid. However, I definitely believe we have a purpose in life. There is a reason for everything.
That's why I met her. It has to be.
"Okay, here's your number 4, with no broth." I said with a laugh and laying the bowl in front of her.
She looked up at me. "Is something funny?" She asked, closing her book.
I crossed my arms and smiled. "Well, it's not everyday someone doesn't want broth in their ramen. I mean that's kind of the whole point."
She laughed. "I know, I know, but I just don't like it. I don't like soup."
I laughed and shook my head. "Alright, alright soup hater. Enjoy your noodles."
"I will." She said breaking her chopsticks.
I walked off smiling. What a weirdo.
Maybe that's life. It's just a mish mash of a bunch of dumbass trivial moments, and we're just expected to make something from them.
All I know is that after that day, my life changed.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
"So you're telling me your future plan is to continue working at a ramen shop?" My teacher said, looking up from the paper I gave him.
I sighed. "Come on Sensei, I did the damn assignment, isn't that enough?" I asked.
"I'm accepting the assignment. However, I just think you could set your goals higher." He said.
"Yeah well this is all I got right now. I told you, I'm a day by day person." I said, running a hand through my hair.
"Okay. Thank you for handing this in. I do think you should keep an open mind. You still have time. If you get your grades up you could go to college. You're very smart Yanagi." He said earnestly.
I gave him a look. Did he say these dumb things to every student? "Look Tamura-senpai, I don't know what you think you know about me, but there's no way I'm going to college."
"I'm just saying to keep an open mind is all." He said, going back to his paperwork. "I'll see you tomorrow Yanagi. Oh and no more handicaps. You need to hand your assignments in on time. Got that?" He said looking up at me.
I nodded curtly before leaving the classroom.
I sighed as I walked across the campus. Why did he think I was anyone special?
College? What a joke. I'll be lucky if I get through high school.
"Hey Kazu! Over here!" My friend Daichi called.
I walked over to him. "What's up?"
"Got any smokes? My dad found mine and threw em' out." He said.
I rolled my eyes and handed him one. "You're hopeless." I said.
"Hey, it's not my fault. My parents are just assholes." He said, lighting the cigarette.
He continued to talk and I half listened to what he was saying.
That's when I saw her. My eyes widened in surprise. I didn't expect her to go to this school.
I waved Daichi away, and walked over to her at her foot locker. "What's up soup hater?" I said with a laugh.
She looked up surprised. She tilted her head. "You're the-"
"Cute guy from the ramen place? Yup, in the flesh." I said, leaning against the lockers.
"Hm, I was going to say the annoying guy who made fun of my order." She said with a slight laugh.
I rolled my eyes. "It's not my fault you like your food weird."
"Well last time I checked I can order whatever I want." She'd laughed.
I raised my hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. You win." I said looking around. "I didn't know you went to school here."
She stood up. "Is it that hard to believe?"
"No, I just think it's funny how we keep bumping into each other." I said.
"Ah, I see."
"So you got a name? Or do you just want me to keep calling you soup hater?" I said looking down at her.
She gave me a look. "Why should I tell you? You never told me yours." She smirked, putting on her backpack.
"Hirokazu Yanagi. But you can call me Kazu. That's what everyone calls me. I'm a third year here."
She studied me for a moment. As she looked at me I noticed she actually was pretty cute. She had big brown eyes and long dark hair that was braided.
"I'm Yui Fujiwara. I'm a second year." She said.
My eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, a second year? Well I guess that means you have to call me Kazu-senpai."
She laughed. "Don't hold your breath noodle boy."
"Noodle boy?!" I exclaimed. "Now you're taking it too far."
She rolled her eyes and smiled before she started her walk home.
I don't know why, but I followed her. I didn't have work today and nothing else to really do.
"So, you get ramen often?" I asked, walking backwards so I could face her.
"Not really. I just went there to study." She said, shrugging.
"Oh I see, you're a bookworm." I said lighting a cigarette and taking a drag.
She looked at the cigarette and made a face, however she didn't say anything about it.
"I do like reading. Let me guess, you don't read?" She asked.
I made a face. "I don't have time."
"Really? Well you have time now don't you? I can show you what I've been reading." She said looking up at me.
I tilted my head. "I mean I guess I have time to kill." My mom didn't get off of work till later.
"Great, we're almost at my house." She said, continuing the walk.
"Your house?" I questioned. I never went over to other people's houses.
"Well duh, where else would my books be?" She said like it was obvious.
I let her lead me to her house. She definitely lived in the nicer part of town. All the houses were big and fancy. They put me and my mom's one bedroom apartment to shame.
"This is it." She said, opening the gate to a big traditional house with sprawling gardens.
"Geez, You live here and you're eating at the ramen place? I'm sure you got maids to make it for you." I said looking at the fancy house.
"Oh stop. Come on in, and don't forget to take off your shoes." She said opening the door.
"I wasn't raised in a barn." I sighed, taking them off.
"Come on, this way." She said grabbing my hand and leading me through the gorgeous house.
She led me to a room and looked back at me. "This is where I spend most of my time." She said opening the door to reveal a library.
I gaped at all the shelves full of books.
I walked up and looked at the exposed spines. "Are these?"
"Medical books? Yeah." She said, pulling out a few.
I looked at her questioningly. "This is what you read for fun?"
She nodded happily. "My father is a doctor. These are all his books." She said handing me one.
I thumbed through it, analyzing all the charts and graphs.
"So… Why do you read this crap?" I asked.
She gave me a look. "It's not crap Kazu. I read these because I want to prepare myself."
I raised a brow at her. "Prepare for what?"
She looked at me like it was obvious. "Med school? I want to be a doctor like my father. It's my dream. I want to help people, make a difference." She said.
I noticed the way her eyes lit up when she talked about it. She was so excited.
"What's so great about being a doctor anyway?" I asked.
"Oh you know just helping people? Saving lives? Don't hate on my dream. What's your dream anyway?" She asked, handing me another book.
I shrugged and laughed. "I don't have one."
"What?! Everyone has a dream ya idiot." She exclaimed.
"Not me. Like I told my teacher I'm more of a day by day person." I said.
"Ugh, you're so weird." She sighed, reading her book.
I sat next to her, and opened one of the books she had handed me. "Are these books really as interesting as you make them out to be?" I asked.
"Yes, just read it. You'll like it." She said happily.
I sighed. Out of all the things I could be doing right now, reading was the last thing I wanted to do.
I glanced over to her happily reading and sighed. "Fine." I said as I opened the book and began reading.
I don't know what she found so fascinating, but maybe if I read it I could figure it out.
Maybe I can better understand her dream.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
December 2nd, 1994
"God it's fucking freezing out." I complained, tightening my coat. I stared up and frowned at the snowflakes falling from the sky. "I hate winter." I complained.
"Kazu, it's not even winter yet." Yui laughed.
I looked down at her and gave her a nudge. "Alright smartass. Well it's still cold. Which means it's winter."
"Oh stop your whining you big baby. We're almost home." She said adjusting her bag straps.
It was a Friday, one of the days I always looked forward to. I didn't work so I went over to Yui's house. It wasn't like I particularly liked spending time with her. Well I mean I did, but not in that way... Right? Of course not. Yui was annoying and bossy. However, if I was at her house I could read.
As much as it bothered me to admit it, I loved looking through all the medical books. I could see how it interested her so much. Not that I would ever say that aloud.
I watched her walk through the snow and smiled. As annoying and bossy as she was… well she was a good friend to have around. I had spent a lot of time with her in the past few months. She helped make sure I got my school work done, she would visit me at work, and we would talk to each other about a lot of different things. She was so easy to talk to. I found myself telling her everything.
I keep waiting for her to get tired of me. I keep waiting on her to give up on me. However, for some unexplained reason she hasn't yet.
"Don't forget to take off your shoes." She said as they walked in.
I rolled my eyes. "Are you gonna remind me everytime?" I asked, taking off my shoes.
She nodded before her father entered the entryway. "Ah Yui, you're home from school." He said before his eyes drifted over to me. "Hirokazu, it's a pleasure to see you again."
I bowed. "The pleasure is all mine sir." I said.
"Dad, I'm surprised you're home." Yui said, taking off her coat.
"Yes well, I feel like I needed a break from the clinic." He said happily. "Why don't I make some tea for us?" He asked.
"Sounds good, Kazu you want some tea?" Yui asked, looking up at me.
Tea… I never really drank the stuff. My mom enjoyed a cup when she had a rare moment to relax. Me on the other hand… Well I never was a fan. "Sure, why not?"
"Come sit." He said gesturing to the low table.
I sat down and watched her dad walk to the kitchen.
"Tea sounds great on a cold day like this, don't you think?" She asked me with a smile.
I leaned back on my hands and returned it. "Yeah, you could say that. I'm not really a big tea person."
"You live in Japan and don't drink tea?" She questioned.
I gave her a look. "Slow down soup hater."
She laughed, a sound I always loved to hear. "Okay, okay, you got me."
I was about to tease her more, when her father came back from the kitchen.
"I used the good tea leaves in honor of our special guest." He said happily, setting down the tray on the table.
"Oh gee, you didn't need to do that, I'm no one special." I said, not having the heart to tell him he definitely was wasting good tea on my pallet.
"Don't be ridiculous Hirokazu, you're a good friend to my daughter. That makes you a special guest." He said happily.
I felt my face warm slightly as I stared at the ground, desperately hoping neither of them noticed.
Fujiwara-san was way too nice. What father in their right mind would want a deadbeat like me hanging around their daughter?
He handed me the cup and I accepted it. Upon taking a sip I was surprised that it was actually pretty good. "This is very good, thank you." I said.
Yui smiled. "Look at that Dad, we might make a tea drinker out of him yet."
"Don't hold your breath." I said, giving her a look. I still couldn't get her to eat ramen with broth in it. Even if I made it myself. I was starting to take it personally.
We sat and drank our tea. Her father was playing an old record. It was nice.
It started snowing and I let myself relax. I felt like I was home.
"Are you kids going to go through my medical books again?" He asked looking between them.
We looked down at their cups. We didn't think he knew about that.
"Don't look so guilty you two. It's alright. I encourage you to look at them. However, you might find these more interesting." He said, laying some files on the table.
Yui's eyes widened in excitement. "Are these medical files? From like actual patients?" She asked, thumbing through them.
I smiled at her excitement. You would think it was a fashion magazine what with the way she was so excited about it.
"Yes. I brought them home with me yesterday. I figured it would give you an edge in med school if you had background experience with the different forms and charts used in the field." He said happily.
I watched her analyze all the information in the folder. I saw the familiar light in her eyes I loved to see. Yui was so passionate about all this stuff. It was fascinating.
"Hirokazu, actually I wanted to ask your help with something." He said.
I looked at him surprised. "My help? How could I help you?"
He slid a file toward me. "I seem to be having trouble with this conversion. Give it my old age. Can you help me?"
I looked down at the file. The patient needed a dose of 500mg of Amoxicillin. It came in a solution of 250mg per 50ml. It was a math problem. Easy.
You just had to take 500/250 and multiply it by 50. Which was 100.
"You'd need 100ml sir." I said, not even needing to write it out.
He smiled, as if he knew this already. I tilted my head. "Was that a test or something?"
"Maybe. Yui was telling me how good you are with numbers. I wanted to see for myself. Are you going to become a doctor as well one day?" He asked.
I made a face. "Oh, no. I'm not really cut out for college. I work at a ramen shop." I said.
"Well you should consider it. Especially since you find my books so interesting. There's more to life than the ramen shop." He said with a smile. "But look at me, rattling on and on. I don't want to crash your kid's date." He said with a smile.
Now both of our faces turned red. "Dad!" Yui exclaimed.
He laughed and excused himself. She sighed.
"I'm sorry about him." She said, attempting to hide the redness on her face.
I looked at her red face and the way she looked down at her feet.
She looked so adorable. "You're blushing you know." I laughed, resting my head on the table and looking up at her.
At me pointing it out, her face turned a darker shade of red. She waved her hands. "N-No I'm not! What would make you say that?! If my face is red it's because it's cold outside and the lighting in here is bad." She babbled nervously.
I laughed. "Alright, alright no blushing here."
I watched her mumble something under her breath as she read through the file.
I smiled and picked up a file and began to read.
We sat like that for a while. The sun set, as the December days were short, and we still sat there reading.
I pried my eyes from the files and stretched. "Hey you wanna get ice cream?" I asked.
She looked up from her file, her eyes bright. "Would I ever!" She exclaimed excitedly.
I laughed at her excitement. "Alright, lets go. My treat."
We talked and laughed as we walked there. Once we got there I looked over at her. "Okay big question of the day. What flavor do you want?" I asked.
She thought of it for a moment. "Chocolate please, with sprinkles." She said happily.
"Okay, go find us a seat, I'll go get it." I said walking over and ordering.
I saw her sitting atop an empty table looking up at the moon. Her breath fogged around her in the cold night.
"You know I think they have tables inside." I said matter of factly handing her her ice cream.
She waved me off. "Nah. I like the fresh air. Besides, the night sky is too pretty to not look at. I mean look at the moon." She said happily.
I glanced up at the full moon. I guess it was beautiful.
"I apologize if my dad came on a little strong today. He has a habit of trying to parent everyone he meets." She said, looking over to me.
"No, it's cool. I like your dad." I said. It was weird though, I never had a father figure in my life. Was that what it was like?
"He likes you too." She said.
There was a long moment of silence between us. I watched her chew on her words. "Just say what you want to say. You don't have to hold back with me." I said, looking at her obvious hesitation.
Her gaze dropped to the ground as she worked up the courage. "He's right though."
I tilted my head. "Right about what?"
"Right about you doing more with your life. You're so smart Kazu, you could be anything you want… Why settle? You have to have dreams, hopes, a want to be something." She said, not looking up from the ground.
I sighed. "I'm just… I'm not cut out for college and big things. I'm no one special. I'm not you." I said simply. "Dreams… plans to save people and help… to make a difference… Those are for important people. Not me. I'm just…" I trailed off, hearing my father's voice in my head.
"I'm just useless." I said sadly.
"Kazu, I don't know who ever told you that, but they're wrong. You're amazing." She said gently. She reached out and grabbed my hand.
The simple action sent a wave of butterflies rushing through me.
Amazing? Me?
She actually thought that?
"You have a whole big life ahead of you. I know you'll do amazing things, and one day you'll discover your dream and chase it until it comes true." She said with a wide smile.
I laughed slightly, my cheeks warming. "I don't know about that…"
"Well I do, so shut up."
I laughed once more and shook my head. "Okay bossy pants."
I thought of it. The truth was I did have a dream. A dream so small and useless compared to others, but a dream all the same.
"What if I told you I did have a small dream?" I asked.
Her eyes lit up. "Tell me!"
"It's nothing grand or beautiful. It's honestly not even for myself. I just know I will be happy if it comes true." I said with a smile.
"Well? What is it?" She asked anxiously.
"I'll tell you when it comes true." I smirked.
"Oh come on, no fair! I wanna know!" She whined.
I shook my head. "Nope. I don't want to jinx it."
She sighed. "Fine. But you better tell me." She said, a deep pout on her face.
I smiled and tousled her hair. "Don't worry. I will."
She shooed my hands away and made a comment about messing up her hair. I laughed. Teasing her was just so easy, it was hard not to do it.
I looked back up at the moon. Dreams… I used to think they were so useless, but she changed that. She had a dream that she worked so hard to strive for, a dream that made her so happy. A beautiful dream.
All I wanted was to see her dream come true. I just wanted to see her fulfill her dream of becoming a doctor and see how happy she would be. I wanted to see her eyes light up in that adorable way they always did.
I stole another glance at her eating her ice cream, her big brown eyes shining in the moonlight.
Yes, if I could see her dream come true, I would have everything I could ever want.
And it would come true. I would make sure of it.
However, I became so enveloped in the happiness she brought me that I forgot the reason why I never bothered making a dream in the first place.
It was because most dreams, even the most beautiful ones, never came true.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
December 19, 1994
That day… Well that day felt like a year. Like it was the longest day of my life, and also like it was just a blur.
It was cold. I remember that. There had been a snowstorm the night before so school was closed.
I woke up to my phone ringing. I opened my eyes and groaned as I got up to where it hung on the wall.
"Who is it." I answered tiredly.
"Gee do you always answer the phone like that? What if I was someone important?" Yui' s voice came from the other end of the line.
I smiled and leaned against the wall. "You are important. And it's early."
"It's like 10 am." She laughed.
I rolled my eyes. "Did you just call me to tease me?" I questioned.
She laughed. "No, I just wanted to tell you that we can't hang today. I have to run errands with my dad. Since school is closed I'm gonna give him a hand."
"No problem, I didn't feel like walking outside anyway after the storm." I said, shrugging.
"Yeah, I know you're sensitive to the cold." She laughed.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry not all of us want to freeze our asses off." I laughed.
"Okay, well let me go. I'll talk to you soon." She said.
"Yeah sure."
"Bye."
"Bye." I said, before hanging up.
If I knew that that was the last time I would ever talk to her I probably would've said something more clever.
It all happened so fast… and yet like everything happened in slow motion.
Me and my mom were eating dinner and watching TV. It was a rare night we were both off and actually ate together.
The phone had rung.
I looked at my mom expectantly. She sighed. "Don't worry, I'll get it." She said getting up and tousling my hair.
I rested my head on the table and focused my attention to the TV, the bright light reflecting off my glasses.
That's when I heard my mom gasp suddenly.
"Oh my god." She gasped.
I sat up and looked over at her.
"What happened?"
"Oh god…"
"No… I…"
"Of course I'll tell him."
I watched her shakily hang up the phone.
I watched her standing there staring at the phone.
"Mom? Who in the hell was that? What's wrong?" I asked standing up.
She took a breath and turned to face me. "Kazu, honey I need you to sit down."
Her tone sent chills up my spine. Something was wrong. This wasn't good. "No, just tell me."
She took another breath. "Honey, that was Yui's father. There was an accident. A car slid on the ice and hit theirs while they were running errands." I saw the tears that fell down her face and fell to the floor. I watched each one fall for what seemed like a lifetime before she spoke again.
"The car hit the passenger side… Yui she… They rushed her to the hospital… but she… She didn't make it." She said, more tears falling down her face.
At those words, it was like my body stopped working. I couldn't breathe, my heart didn't beat, I couldn't move.
My mind stopped. It wasn't processing what my mother was telling me.
A car?
Ice?
Didn't make it?
"What do you mean?" I said. The statement came out before I could even comprehend it all.
"She… She passed away. Honey I'm so sorry." She said reaching for me, but I stepped back.
Passed away…
Yui…
"She… She died?" I asked.
Suddenly it was like I was a kid again. My mom seemed huge. Standing over me, using that soft tone she always used to use on me when I was scared.
"Yes."
At these words it's like my body started working again, everything hit me at once.
I made some kind of sound. I don't really remember. Did I scream? Gasp? Cry? I don't know. All I remember was there was a sound… A desperate sound… a wounded sound.
A sound a dying animal makes when it knows it has nothing left to lose.
I fell to the floor sobbing.
I felt my mothers arms around me.
I don't know how long we sat there like that.
On that day, it felt like my entire world came crashing to a halt. There was no future, no present, no past.
There was just nothing.
o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o
It seemed to all go by in blur. I don't really know what happened.
I didn't eat, I didn't go to school, I didn't even go to work.
I couldn't get out of bed.
I just remember laying there. Just staring at my ceiling and watching the light change as the sun rose and set.
I couldn't move, I couldn't think. I couldn't think about anything. Every train of thought I had led to her… It was better just to think about nothing.
Nothing.
That's all there was.
I don't know how much time passed when my mom finally dragged me out of bed and got me clean and dressed.
"Kazu, I know this is hard… But we need to go to the funeral. You need to be there for her." She said.
Her… Yui… Tears burned at my eyes before I retreated back to my shell once more.
I had to stay numb. I had to. It was the only defense I had.
The funeral went by in a blur.
Her family was big and they all gave me questionable glances. I probably looked rough as hell. Probably like a zombie. Even though I never left bed, I never slept, leaving me with noticeable bags under my eyes.
People talked to me, but their words just bounced off of me. I just numbly nodded when I thought words were being directed at me.
After the service at the temple her father hosted a small gathering at his home for immediate friends and family. My mother and I were invited as well.
"Now Honey, we're only going to stay for a little bit, and then we can go home okay?" My mother said, holding my hand.
I nodded numbly, still unable to speak.
When was the last time I spoke? I don't even think I could speak anymore. Words just wouldn't seem to form anymore. It's like I forgot how to speak.
I walked around aimlessly, watching the blur of people move by me.
That's all life was anymore.
A blur.
I must've wandered to the porch. I felt the cold air hit my face.
I shouldn't stand out here, I hated the cold…
That's when I bumped into something.
I blinked as I stared at the blurry photo being held up by some sort of stand.
The eyes hit me first.
I knew those eyes. Big, brown, and always happy about something.
I squinted as I tried to focus, make the picture not blurry.
I touched my face. My glasses… Where are my glasses? Have I not been wearing my glasses this whole time?
I reached into my suit jacket pocket and pulled them out.
As I put them on the world finally came back into focus.
My eyes found the photo I bumped into, finally able to clearly see.
It was a photo of Yui, a wide smile on her face, her eyes lit up as they always did when she was happy.
Upon seeing her… Seeing her photo, it was like my world suddenly was jolted back into movement. Like I finally woke up. Everything hit me.
Yui, Yui was really gone. I would never see her smile again… Never hear her laugh.
I never even told her how I felt. I never told her how much she meant to me. Never got to thank her for allowing a deadbeat like me be her friend.
I want to be a doctor like my father. It's my dream. I want to help people, make a difference.
Her words tore through me as her voice replayed in my head.
Tears stung at my eyes. Her dream… Her dream would never come true now.
I covered my face with my hands as I cried. Why? Why was this world so cruel? Why couldn't it be me instead? Why didn't I die? I'm not like Yui, she was special. I'm nobody, useless. No one needs me. I'm not special.
Kazu, I don't know who ever told you that, but they're wrong. You're amazing.
Yui's voice played through my head once more.
No… I'm not special… You were the one with the dreams, not me.
Yes, now I would never see her become a doctor. I would never see how proud she would be of herself.
You have a whole big life ahead of you. I know you'll do amazing things, and one day you'll discover your dream and chase it until it comes true.
My dream… My dream was just to see her dream come true. That's all I wanted.
I felt something wash over me. A new feeling, a strong feeling. A wave of pure determination.
I clenched my fists.
No. Her dream would come true, I would make sure of it.
That's what I told myself, and I meant it.
I was no one special, and maybe my old man was right. Maybe I was useless. Maybe there wasn't a god damn thing worthwhile about me.
However, Yui was still my friend. She still spent time with me. She still laughed and smiled around me.
I loved her… I really did.
I exhaled shakily, and looked up at the sky.
It's like I said before, whether we like it or not, life pushes us along down the path it lays out for us. We all have a purpose in life. A reason for existing.
Within my grief muddled mind, it was at that moment that I decided my reason… My purpose.
Yui may be gone, but I'd be damned if I was going to let her dream die with her. Her dream would come true. I would make sure of it.
And if that meant becoming a doctor myself and seeing her dream through for her? So be it.
I walked off the porch quickly. I knew where I had to go.
I hastily opened the door to their library to find her father looking through the books. He looked up at me with a sad smile on his face.
"I knew if anyone would find me it would be you." He said, placing the book back on the shelf. He walked over to me using the cane he had to use after the accident. "I apologize. I just needed a break from all the sympathy. I wanted a distraction. This was her favorite place to be. For a moment… I wanted to pretend. I wanted to pretend I was sitting here watching you and Yui read." He said, his voice cracking.
Tears fell down my own face.
"Fujiwara-san!" I exclaimed suddenly, my words finally coming back. "Yui's dream… I… I want it to come true. I'll make it come true, I promise! Her dream won't die with her! I'll do it! I'll become a doctor! I'll do it for her. I promise… I promise!" I exclaimed, tears falling down my face.
He surprised me by pulling me into a hug. "You don't have to promise anything. I know you'll make me and Yui proud no matter what you do. Thank you Kazu. Thank you for being Yui's friend."
I held him tight and cried. We stayed like that for a while.
It took a while, but I slowly healed. I was fueled with determination. I went back to work and school, throwing myself into my studies.
"Med school? What happened to your ramen shop idea?" Tamara-senpai asked, looking up at me from his desk.
"I canned it. Wasn't that you wanted? For me to aim higher?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"Well of course, I'm just surprised. Are you sure this is what you want to do?" He asked.
"You don't think I can handle it?" I asked, raising a brow at him.
"No, that's not it. I know you can handle it. I just want to make sure you're up for the work. It won't be easy." He said.
"I don't care. I made up my mind." I said, crossing my arms.
He smiled. "Alright. Well then, let's make it happen." He said going through his grade book.
"Your marks have improved, but I'd like to see them higher. I'll give you some extra credit work to complete over winter break. You'll also need to decide which school you want to apply to and pass the entrance exam." He said.
I glanced out the window before looking back to him. "What's the best med school around here?" I asked.
He looked up at me. "Around here? Well Tokyo Medical University of course."
I nodded. "Alright then that's where I'll go."
He laughed slightly. "You're determined I see."
I nodded.
"You have any backup choices? It's not an easy school to get into."
I shook my head. "I don't need a backup. I'm going there." I said plainly.
"Alright, alright. I'll get you a study guide for their entrance exam. You're cutting it close, but I believe you can do it." He said happily.
He handed me the extra credit work and I accepted it.
"I'm proud of you Yanagi. You've come a long way." He said.
I just nodded, unsure of how to answer. " I'll get all of this done." I said, holding up the papers.
"I know you will. Enjoy your break." He said getting up and patting my shoulder.
I nodded and left the room.
I would complete the work, and do everything I could. I would get into this med school and become a doctor.
I had to.
I had a promise to keep, and a dream to fulfil.
o-o-o-o-o
Alright here's chapter 5! I hope you all enjoyed! Sorry I'm a little late on posting today. I was busy reading today haha. I'm reading this book 6 of crows. It's soooo good I definitely recommend.
Anyway I hope you liked! Part 2 will be next week! That'll be fun because we get to meet Hatori in college whoop whoop.
Also buckle up next chapter is really long. Like 13k words... oops.
For today's character analysis we have the girl who changed Kazu's life.
Yui Fujiwara
Yui was an only child. Her mom passed away when she was very so she was pretty much raised by her dad.
I have to admit writing her was really hard because I knew she was going to die. It's really sad. I love her I think she's so sweet.
Yui's favorite food is rice balls. Her least favorite food is soup. Or anything liquidly like that. She's a firm believer that food shouldn't be liquid.
Yui was really smart and was a great student. She was also pretty popular. However she always chose to hang out with Kazu over all her other friends.
She's a know it all and has a bad habit of nagging Kazu. She also loves to say I told you so. Kazu pretends to be bothered but he never actually minds.
I feel like she definitely had a crush on Kazu for the longest time. She probably was hesitant to tell him because she didn't want to ruin their friendship.
I like to believe that Yui is watching over Kazu and is extremely proud of him and all he's done.
I will see you next week for Chapter 6: Friends
Love you guys!