XLIX.
"I was looking for you," the man stated as Rick glared, anger winding against his edges, barely holding on to the urge not to punch the man where he stood. He was left with so little patience, and the man had just interrupted a moment between him and Amanda.
He was simply waiting now as Rick's expression turned even sterner. Walking into the barn, coming onto them like that? He found us, Daryl had remarked, and Rick hadn't missed the meaning. This stranger, this clean stranger, didn't get caught out in the woods. He'd approached Daryl and Abraham willingly, asking to talk.
Rick wasn't sure what that meant, but he was sure he wasn't liking it. Not even a bit. For a moment he wondered if the man was just that naïve or stupid, making himself known like this, or was he just faking it?
The clean shaven face, the earnest look, open honest expression, friendly manners… just to unwind you, get inside your barriers. Terminus, his mind screamed. I was looking for you. The words seemed dubious enough.
Or stupid. The very thing they couldn't afford. Even Carl knew that you shouldn't get caught up with big groups, looking for trouble. He'd learned his lesson.
Apparently, not this guy.
Besides, Rick was already having a talk. With the woman he loved, just as she asked him if he wanted to end it, second guessing what they had another time, asking him again maybe they should stop it as if…as if they hadn't already gone too far now, as if he could stop... Stop it. Stop them.
Don't ask me that again, Amanda!
Rick seriously didn't want to hear that question ever again from her. He didn't want to stop, no. Quite the opposite, he wanted to go all way. She belonged with him, at his side, just as she should. They did what they had to do, then they got to live. Together. It was just that simple, not even complicated anymore.
Rick was about to tell her that, too, that he meant what he said, that there was no doubt, no hesitation in him anymore. He was just going to tell her again that he loved her, but before he could, he got interrupted.
His eyes moved over their company. The stranger couldn't have picked any worse timing. And Rick was really getting tired of this. Anger swept over him again, washing him entirely, firing blood in his veins… He was so getting tired of this—
"I know you have questions," the man started into the silence—
Rick's head snapped up at him again. The next moment, he found himself marching toward the entrance, his right hand fisting against his side.
"I can explain—" the man, Aaron as he introduced himself, continued before Rick got closer and stopped him.
With a punch in the face.
"Rick!" Amanda exclaimed as Aaron dropped on the ground with the force of his right swing, already unconscious.
If he was a bastard, then he deserved it. If he was a fool, then that should teach him his lesson.
Shaking his hand in the air, Rick knelt down beside the unconscious man and started searching him. "He had a gun," Daryl said, leaning over him, "Took it before we came in."
Taking the gun from Daryl, Rick nodded. So, the man had a gun and gave it openly. "Said he was a recruiter," the hunter supplied in.
Amanda asked above him. "Recruiter of what?"
"Of people—" Daryl answered with an uncommon bafflement tone in his voice. Rick raised his head, halting his hands in the search.
A recruiter of people? Was there even anything left like that in the world now? Daryl gave them another look. "He said he looks for people to bring 'em in."
"Really?" Amanda asked, her voice highly skeptical. Rick carried the same sentiment. Hearing the commotion, the others slowly came towards the entrance, too.
"What happened?" Carol asked, then noticed the body on the ground. "Who's he?"
Rick drew up back to his feet. The man was clean. He had found a hunting knife, but other than that, he wasn't in the possession of anything. He attached the knife's scabbard to his belt. "He looks like our last problem," Rick rattled off, tucking the knife into its sheath.
He leaned down to take the man's backpack that had dropped on the wooden floor with him. He handed it to Amanda. "Look inside. Try to find what this is all about."
"You know maybe we could've just asked him if you didn't punch him!" she retorted under her breath, taking the backpack from him. Rick decided to let the snippy comment go by.
He turned to Daryl again. "He walked up to you?" he asked, his voice still having a terse note in it, but this time mixed with doubt. How anyone would walk upon Daryl, Rick began to wonder, but Daryl shook his head.
"Nah—" the hunter replied. "I heard him, but let him come. He was trailing us, but ain't getting close."
"He was spying on you," Rick stated. Daryl nodded.
His jaw squared. "Then he came out, raised hands and all—" Daryl continued, his clearer blue eyes finding Rick's. "Said he's comin' from a community, said he's a recruiter." Daryl paused. "Said he wanted to talk to Deputy."
Rick scowled even harder. "You two go out again. We need to be prepared. Scout the area, look for others. He couldn't be alone in the woods." A spy or a recruiter couldn't be that stupid. "His friends might be close."
He turned to Glenn. The Korean was standing, still in silence, but watching. That would do for the moment. "Glenn, Carl, take the lookout." Rick pointed at the windows at both sides.
As they all started on their appointed duties, Rick bent down and grabbed the spy at the back of the collar of his jacket. He started dragging the man over the hay, dirt, and dung covered floor towards the barn's hall. "Amanda—" Rick called out to her again, his hand pulling the man. The guy didn't look like it, but he weighed a lot. "Round up everyone. We stay close."
Throwing the backpack back on the ground, she hastened her steps and started herding up the kids and teens. She raised her arm toward the left side. "Mika, at the corner." Carol started bringing the girl toward the corner Amanda had pointed out, holding Judith too. "Noah, Beth—you two," Amanda instructed and stopped looking around. "Where's John and Riccardo?"
"They're with Eugene in the stables," Beth said, already moving. "I go get them."
There was only one entrance, the door at the front. The windows were only the ones at each side of the door, so they didn't need to cover a lot of access points. Rick threw the man towards one of the wooden beams that supported the structure and started tying his hands behind his back with zip ties.
The man wanted to talk with Deputy. Yeah, Rick wanted to talk to him, too, on his own terms.
Returning from the corner, Amanda crouched a few feet away from them and started piling out the contents of the man's pack as Beth returned with the young men and the scientist and took them towards the safest corner.
They sat encircling Carol, Mika, and Judith as Rick tightened the zip ties, looping the man's hands around the wooden beam. He raised his head and checked the windows, seeing Glenn and Carl standing watch.
Then he heard Amanda take a hitched breath. Twisting on his heel, after securing the recruiter, Rick turned to her as she was pulling out a set of headphones connected to a listening device. She twirled the miniature dish antenna that was attached to the handle, her brows furrowing.
Rick shook his head, walking to her. "Hmph. So he was spying on us," he bit off as the others looked at the thing, too.
Amanda half nodded, leaving the device on the wooden floor. "Guess it explains how he knows you," she mumbled. "Might've heard us talking."
Rick knelt down beside her. She'd stopped calling him Deputy a long time ago, but the sergeant still called him with his former title. And Amanda as officer. His eyes turned toward the still unconscious man. The man must have also known they had cops and a soldier among them.
Amanda pulled out three little jars, her brows furrowing. "What's these?"
Rick took one of the jars and raised it. He shook the jar and saw the mash inside wobble like a jelly. "It—it looks like marmalade."
Amanda took out a protein bar next. "He's stocked good. Got water, protein bars, canned food…marmalade," she added bitterly.
She stood up, taking the food, and started walking. "What're you doing?" Rick asked, snagging her hand as he got back to his feet.
"I'm gonna give 'em to the kids," she said as if it was so obvious. "Mika eats the protein bar. We can mix marmalade with acorns for Judith."
Rick shook his head. "Mika can get the protein bar, it's sealed," he said. "But the marmalade is homemade. We can't give it to Judy."
Her mouth turned down with a grimace, and she pointed at the man with her head. "He was carrying it. To eat, obviously," she said in return. "Judith needs proper nourishment."
Rick shook his head again. "No."
"Rick—" she stressed out—but he cut her off.
"We don't know for sure, Amanda—" he told her, taking the jar from her, and turned aside. "Let's make a trial."
He started walking back to the man. He nudged the man at his side with the tip of his boots. "He got a spoon?" Rick asked, turning aside to Amanda.
Amanda nodded and brought him to the spoon she found inside the backpack. Rick nudged the man again, opening the jar.
The spy stirred, groaning, and Rick crouched in front of him. He brought the jar up to his nose and smelled it. Apples. It was made of apples. Common enough. Amanda came to his side as Rick took a half spoon of the marmalade. The man started coming to fully, rising up from the floor.
His eyes opened, and before he could do anything else, Rick brought the spoon to his lips. "Eat."
The recruiter stared at him wildly… "Eat," Rick repeated sternly. The man still looked at him.
With a heavy sigh beside him, Amanda remarked, "We'll give it to the baby, but you have to try it first."
The man lifted his head up to look at her. "D-do you think I'd poison you with it?" he asked in disbelief.
Despite her own words seconds ago, Amanda just shrugged. "I don't know… you were spying on us…so…"
"Eat." Rick completed, holding the spoon closer to the man's mouth.
The recruiter opened his mouth and took the spoon in. Rick pulled it back a second later as he swallowed. Rick watched his throat move until the motion stopped.
Satisfied, he stood up, handing the jar back to Amanda. She started walking toward Beth. Everyone was watching the newcomer with careful eyes, only Glenn and Carl's attention half directed outside. Rick wondered how it was out there, how many of this man's people were out there, and if they needed to round up a proper search team more than watches and lookouts. There had to be others. He couldn't come alone like this. It was…it was madness.
Hovering above the man, Rick glanced down. Rick could see a spot of redness was starting around at the corner of the man's mouth where he'd taken the worst of his knuckles… Rick frowned harder. He was—he was fucking hating this!
His eyes darted over Amanda for a second as she gave the protein bar and the marmalade jar to Beth. He shouldn't deal with this. He—he should get Amanda out of this dung pit, take her in his arms under a tree, show her that was where she belonged. Show her…show her he meant it, every word… I love you.
He—he loved her. He did. He should show her that too, not this.
His ire pricking at him again, Rick turned to the man. "I'm gonna ask this only once, Aaron," he started, putting a careful edge in the name. "So you better not lie to me."
"How many of your people are out there?" Rick asked.
The man, Aaron, shook his head. "There's no one."
"I told you not to—"
"I'm not lying, I came alone," the man interrupted him. "Look, I know this is not the best way to make the first contact—" Rick frowned. First contact… Jesus Christ, this was turning batshit crazy. "Like I said before you started talking with your fists—" Pausing, his lips quirked, and Rick frowned more. "I can explain—"
"I punched you in the face—" Rick cut him off this time. "And are you smiling at me?"
"I know things can get heated, Deputy—" the man replied coolly. "This is not my first tango. I used to do NGO business in the Nigerian Delta."
Rick shook his head. "Why were you listening to us?" he demanded, getting to the topic as he crouched just outside the man's legs. He indicated the device Amanda had left on the ground beside the backpack with a tilt of his head.
Giving Judith to Beth as she started opening the jar, Carol walked to the backpack. Amanda followed her as well. "I was trying to decipher what kind of people you are," the man answered, his eyes following the women as they approached.
Rick scoffed. "And what kind of people are we?"
"The kind that our community needs—"
"Rick—" Carol's small but firm voice this time interrupted them as she took something red out of the bag. Rick's eyes narrowed as much as hers, seeing the red metal tube. A signal flare.
Amanda took it and walked towards them. She raised the flare. "I thought you said you were alone."
"I told you I came alone," Aaron answered, still holding onto his pleasant manners. Rick seriously wondered if it was his gameplay, remembering what had happened where the tracks met. "There's no one outside, but my teammate…he waits for me at our camp. We didn't want to risk it."
"Is it just two of you?" Rick asked in disbelief. It was the stupidest plan he'd ever heard. Coming out in the woods to look for people like that? Or he was just lying.
Rick's eyes found the recruiter again, trying to assess. Clean clothes, friendly face, nice words… Terminus, his mind screamed once more. The bodies at the racks… the trough, the bat, his people, the barbecue at the front… the smell.
He grimaced. "Where's your camp?"
Aaron still shook his head. "Look, I'm not your enemy. I'm here to help," he insisted. "Please, check my backpack. At the front, there're pictures of my community."
Amanda unzipped the front pocket as Carol held the bag, and true to Aaron's words, took out old fashioned Polaroid pictures. Bowing her head, she quickly started looking at them, with Carol taking a step closer. "They got walls—" she said, surfing through the pictures.
"The town was built as an eco-friendly sustainability project, called Alexandria's Dream—" the recruit supplied. Rick almost scoffed. Aaron, turning to him, gave him a smile. "We call it just Alexandria. We have our own solar grid, cisterns, and eco-based sewage filtration." And that meant they had power and water.
Rick stood up as Amanda walked to him. She handed him the pictures. The first picture he saw had the solar grid the man mentioned, a field of solar panels meticulously put where he imagined would be the backyard of the complex, gathering sunlight.
In the second, he saw a large three-story Imperial style white building, just standing on the shore of a large lake. The lake seemed artificial, but it was big. Around the shore, there were flower beds and trees, and between them were scattered picnic tables, benches. There was a large patio outside the white building, holding a barbecue space with enough room to accommodate fifty or more people. His eyes beheld the folding chairs and round tables. Behind his eyes came the folding chairs and round table Amanda had brought to the church, laid broken now, left to the dead.
The anger found him again, his teeth gritting. He barely held himself not to tear up the pictures to tiny shreds. Suppressing the urge, he passed to another picture.
"It's a grand complex—" the man continued, and Rick saw the walls.
But they—they weren't walls. No. They had tall steel plates that circled the town, around twenty feet tall, supported with iron beams. Rick realized those people, whoever they were, had constructed the wall themselves.
"Built for the capital's upper middle class that sought refuge from the capital's chaos but still wanted to be close, the complex has a lot of stuff a city also would offer," the man intoned, sounding like he was repeating from a brochure. "We have a fitness center, a small theater, playgrounds for kids, basketball fields, tennis courts. We also have an indoor swimming pool, Jacuzzi, sauna—"
Rick felt his head turn… This…this was madness. Couldn't be true. They should stick to the plan, continue on to Arlington. They needed a place first, yes, but not like this…
"And you—you're ready to share them with strangers?" Amanda asked beside him, her tone having the same disbelief Rick had.
Good people share what they have with people they care, Rick…
His eyes turned to the man again. They didn't even know them. That was only what had left deep down: Us. And them. Others. Dead or living alike. We do what we need to do and then we get to live.
Aaron's expression was sympathetic. "We have limited resources, but now one is much more limited than the others," he answered. "Good and capable people. Our leader believes a community's sustainability isn't essential to its resources in the long run, but to its people and the system they build."
Amanda shook her head quickly. "What you say would be applied to small groups of people to recruit them," she pointed out, assessing the man's words, "but we're a big group."
They have nineteen people, including kids and a baby, to be precise. In the past, they all had done recruitments, but never like this. They never went out specifically to look for people, for survivors. They just encountered people and decided to take them or not. There was a very simple, logical explanation for that, too. With their limited resources, big groups only meant trouble. They created a disturbance in the established order, a shift. In the prison, they'd accepted Woodbury survivors only because they had to.
And it was another time, another life now.
Now they were here, and this man, this stranger who didn't even know their names was offering freely, what his people, his family craved, what they needed, what Rick couldn't still give them. A home that was protected, where they could be safe.
No. It couldn't be. It had to be him, not the other people.
Because the other people always had an agenda, always looking to play on their weaknesses, always measuring you to take what they could with so little consideration. Rick would never trust nor risk the safety and well-being of his family on the accounts of good intentions or conscience of other people. Never.
Aaron cleared his throat. "I admit we don't usually bring in such big groups, yes," the man confessed. "But you see—we…our town—" he corrected, his eyes turning to Rick in an open stare. "Well, our town needs a sheriff," he declared.
His jaw squared worse. Rick knew it.
An agenda. They all had an agenda now.
# # #
It must be a joke. So much that Amanda almost turned and started looking for hidden cameras.
Everything—everything felt like a joke. The man, his words, wanting a sheriff, but the town itself the most. The pictures. Amanda saw the pictures, the luxury lifestyle the complex was offering. Everything the man had mentioned was in the pictures, even the Jacuzzi and sauna.
Jacuzzi and sauna.
She couldn't even imagine herself living in such a complex even before the turn, but now… God, it must be a joke, a delusion… a collective delusion they all were sharing. That would've been much more sensible.
"That's why you were looking for me?" Rick asked, and Amanda could see his jaw set even harder after the words under the brush of his beard.
God, why did things just always have to turn out like this? Why couldn't they just catch a breath? She'd been trying so hard, so hard holding on the edge, not to roll down and shatter. Then Rick said that, we're the walking dead, the trick to cheat the game… then told her they did what they had to, then they got to live, together…
Together…
The way he'd said the word had knocked the breath out of her once again, the intensity, the way electric blue eyes flashed…
Together.
Amanda just wanted—what did she really want? She'd thought she wanted more, and a part of her still did, despite herself, despite what had happened, despite Maggie, despite the wilderness, despite the foul thing that had been circling above them in the air like they were already dead things, Amanda still wanted it, craved for it…didn't want to rinse and repeat…she wanted to…live. Together. She wanted it. She just didn't know how.
Suddenly in her mind, Gorman's words echoed, from a lifetime ago, you'll regret this.
No, I won't.
No. Amanda didn't. She didn't regret her decision. Never.
Despite everything, she was still glad to be here.
Together with them. Her people?
As soon as the question appeared in her mind, the answer came easily again. Even though she didn't know anything else, she knew at least that much. They were her people. The rest, they were going to find out. Rick—he'd been right on that part all along, since the first time they'd admitted their feelings. They were going to find out. They all were. Beth, Carl, Glenn. They were going to come back. They were on the edge, but they weren't too far gone yet.
The part Amanda wasn't sure of if it was going to happen in that place.
Alexandria's Dream.
Was it just another dream that sounded too good to be true, or just another nightmare waiting to happen?
Amanda let her eyes wander around the room and check on her people as the recruiter man affirmed Rick's question with a nod. They all seemed intrigued. They were wary, much like her, disbelief clouding their eyes, but still, the intrigue was there.
Swimming pools, Jacuzzis, and saunas. They were hooked. Amanda remembered the baits in the trap. Nothing in this world ever came without a price. The only free cheese was in the mousetrap, she reminded herself.
She wondered what the catch was. Because she knew there was. Even good people didn't start doing things like these without a reason. But then again, there was another fact she knew damn well: beggars still couldn't be choosers.
"Our leader, Deanna, manages things," the recruiter, Aaron, started again. "Tries to keep it under control. But—but she said she needs someone to help her to keep the order. More precisely, she said, and I quote—" the recruiter gave them a small, faint smile. "Our town needs a sheriff. She sent me out to find one."
Amanda almost started laughing. "And you found us?" she asked.
Aaron nodded. "I noticed you on the road first, then followed. The way you take care of each other, survive… never giving up. I realized you're good people, good and capable. But your group is really big, so I couldn't decide," he admitted. "But then I heard the conversation, someone mentioned Deputy…" He trailed off, his eyes turning toward Rick again.
"So you came—" she finished.
Aaron nodded. "So I did."
"How many times have you done this?" Carol questioned, coming to their side, too. Beside Beth and Mika, Sasha started walking as well with Bob. Beth followed them, holding Judith in her arms, as Joan and Rosita came over last. Noah, the priest, and others stayed with Mika.
"Abraham needs to hear this," Rosita supplied, walking to her side, but the words were directed at Rick. In silence, Rick nodded. The plan. They needed to talk about this. The Pentagon had become their endgame, but they still needed a place. They'd already discussed it. But Amanda knew it wasn't what Rick had planned.
"Usually I bring sole survivors," Aaron answered. "Or groups of two. Once I brought a group of four. But in this number," he said, running his eyes over them, and admitted again. "Never."
Amanda sighed lightly.
"If we choose to come with you, would they take us in? All of us?" Sasha asked to clarify.
In all honesty, the recruiter sounded like he was mostly interested in Rick. But Amanda wasn't afraid of that. She was a cop, and if they needed a sheriff, they most certainly needed a cop, too. Bob was a medic. Joan was a nurse. Daryl was a hunter and tracker. Sasha was a good lookout with a killer aim. Glenn was a good supplier runner. They were all very capable people, not to mention Abraham and his own people, and they came in a package. Together.
"There's gonna be auditions," Aaron answered as Amanda snapped her attention back at the man. "In our town, we have a psychologist. She and Deanna interview each candidate. Then they put you on probation, a month usually. Then Deanne makes the final decision."
It all sounded like a job application. Amanda didn't know how she should feel about that, but she remembered Grady. "If we stay, we're free to leave at any time we choose?" she asked.
"During the probation time, leaving is restricted," Aaron answered. "But after you become a citizen, you're free to do as you may."
Rick glared at the words. A citizen. Was something like that left?
"But there won't be any debts on us, nothing to pay you back?" Joan questioned further and Amanda felt the younger woman's words like a knife in her chest. "You won't force us to do…anything?"
Aaron shook his head. "We all have jobs. Deanne usually appoints them, but it's a joint decision between you and her. She wouldn't force anyone to anything they would feel uncomfortable with or anything they don't want to do," he clarified.
Amanda read "would" in the words, so as Joan. They shared a brief glance with each other, and Amanda felt it, the tingling. It was subtle, barely there, underneath her skin, not just like her sixth sense set off the alarm like it usually did, but it was definitely there. She felt it.
She wondered if it was because of their ordeals, of what they had seen, what they had survived, or they had just stayed out in the woods too long, staring into the abyss. And the abyss stared at them back too…
"Deanna—Deanna is a visionary," the man said then. "She wants to create our civilization back, build the law and order again."
The words only made Amanda more anxious. "She told me we need a sheriff because we can't be the judge, jury, and executioner at the same time," Aaron continued. "She says this isn't what Alexandria is."
They were all silent after that, each to their own thoughts. Amanda darted another look at Rick. His jaw was so squared, she wondered for a second if he would break his teeth. It was going to take a while to convince him to accept this.
Amanda momentarily froze, catching up to her last thought. So, did she…did she really want this? Already made up her mind? Ready to walk into perhaps another trap?
Sometimes, it still made her shudder in the dark to think what would've happened in Terminus if Carol didn't find them first, didn't warn them. The thought brought her own old feelings back, remembering Lizzie… Perhaps, perhaps Rick had been right on that as well, perhaps they really had to tell her what had happened to Lizzie.
Perhaps they really owed her that. Another thing Amanda didn't know.
But as if Carol was having the same qualms about this place, too, her stark blue eyes found Rick's. "We need to talk about this," the older woman announced, and Rick jerked his head briefly.
They moved to the corner beside the stables, Glenn and Carl still at watch at the front. Bob stayed on guard beside the recruiter as they formed a circle.
"I—I want to go and check it out," Sasha remarked, saying her own piece immediately.
Rick shook his head. "I say we stick to the plan," he said, and it was of course no surprise. "I don't like the smell of this."
It was Rosita who surprised her. The Latina woman shook her head in objection. "The plan is to bring Eugene to D.C," she spoke, "If this Deanna is anything like this guy says she would help us. She'd give us guns, supplies," she said heatedly. "We may even find recruits. That was always our plan. We decided to go to Terminus for that."
"And it turned to a disaster," Rick reminded her. "We don't need another Terminus."
Amanda darted a look at the man again as he demurely sat on the ground, and tried to read her feelings, her…tingling. She gave herself a few seconds before she finally said, "I don't think he's like Terminus."
No. She was wary, yes, and there was that definite tingle in her, alert, but it wasn't like how she had felt with those men in the woods. Amanda knew the good from the bad, she had always. She just didn't feel like that in the man's presence.
She roamed her eyes over her people. Lost in the woods. Wary, but intrigued. Her eyes found Beth, even in her edgy indifference, there was intrigue, something Amanda hadn't seen in her eyes in weeks. All things considered, perhaps that was what made her decision in the end.
Amanda could do anything, anything to see that gleam back in Beth's eyes on a daily basis. They needed a place, a real place. A real life. This isn't a living. She owed Maggie at least that much.
The rest was still a problem for tomorrow. And they would deal with it, like they always did. For better or worse.
But this—this wasn't how they did it. No. She turned to Rick. "This isn't how we do this—" she remarked. "Go ask him the questions." Rick stared at her. "He's with us," she continued. "If we take him, we take him. Not the other way around."
He was silent for a second first, then slowly, as if understanding her point, nodded. Something grew heavier in his eyes as he looked at her, the intensity turning them again to sharp cut gemstones. "Go on then," he told her. "Ask him."
Her breath tightening in her chest, Amanda realized what he was asking from her. A part of her suddenly felt the dread, and almost told him to do it himself. Amanda—she…she couldn't do it. It didn't feel right, it didn't fit in… She couldn't ask the questions. It was their thing. But she—she was one of them.
Them.
It—it was just a fact, too. Just as clear as even though she slipped away at dawn each morning, she still returned to Rick for him to take her in his arms each night. So, Amanda just nodded and started walking.
They all followed her. She stopped in front of the man as Bob took a sidestep. "How many walkers have you killed?" To her utmost surprise, her voice didn't waver despite her galloping heart.
Aaron looked at her confused as Rick stopped at her side. "What?"
"Answer the question," Rick ordered as Amanda tried to steady herself. Slowing down her pulse, she let out a short breath before she repeated, "How many?" She would've thought it'd be the exact opposite, but somehow doing it together with Rick calmed her down.
Together.
We do what we have to do, then we get to live. Together.
The man's gaze returned to her. "A lot…I don't know." He paused. "Why do you ask?"
She stared down at the man and asked for the first time ever. "How many people have you killed?"
This was what they did, once upon a time, she'd answered the same question as well. The recruiter was looking back at her, as if he wanted to see something, too, his gaze mixed with confusion and wariness. Amanda didn't turn her eyes away, held it back.
"Two," Aaron confessed after a long while.
"Why?" Amanda asked for the last.
The confusion left, with understanding dawning in the man's eyes. "Because they tried to kill me," he said.
Her eyes still on the man, Amanda tried to see what lay behind the words, behind the eyes, wondering what Rick had seen in her when Amanda had answered that question, too.
Amanda realized then she'd never asked, as well.
"They didn't understand what kind of a place Alexandria is," Aaron continued in the brief silence. "Deanna wanted them gone. Me and my partner escorted them out of the walls, told them to leave peacefully, but they didn't." He paused. "We didn't have any other choice."
Aaron's eyes were clear, smart…honest. She couldn't see any lie. The man was telling the truth, and Amanda saw it in his eyes. Perhaps Rick had just seen it in her, too.
She nodded, but then asked because she had to know that because it still mattered. "And how many people have you saved?" Rick snapped his head at her, hearing the question, and gave her a look. Amanda looked ahead at them.
Aaron's answer didn't hesitate, much like hers. "Six," he replied. "They were around the town. Found them lost in the woods."
"A good man found me like that too," Amanda said, still feeling Rick's gaze and the others on her. "Brought me to his home. Are you a good man too, Aaron?"
"I still try to be—" the man said in return, and Amanda knew again it was the truth.
It was what they all still could only do, try. Struggle, strive and endure, as best they could. Bear this world. That was how they were going to survive. They were not the walking dead.
She nodded. Rick scowled. She made a quick half jerk of her head toward him. He followed her toward the other corner. She wanted to talk to him alone for a minute. He—he had to see.
They weren't the living dead. They weren't that far gone yet, but they'd been on the edge too long. Too fucking long. It was time to come back. Rick stopped in front of him. "We have to see it," she said quickly. "We have to, Rick."
"I don't like it—" he repeated. "Smells like a trap."
"I know—" Amanda cut him in before he could go on. "I know," she repeated, "But—but we're hanging by a thread, Rick." She paused, recalling her first conversation with Beth in the prison, as well. "We have to come back now."
He took a step further toward her, his eyes getting heated again. "We will!" he protested, fire in his voice, "I just told you, Amanda." He gestured toward the front door where they'd been talking before Daryl had brought the recruiter. "I made you a promise," he stated. "And I intend to keep it."
Amanda remembered the words. "Rick—" she said, shaking her head. "I appreciate the thought, but I really don't want to go kill all the bastards from here up to D.C until we find a place to settle in." She let out a deep breath. "Why don't we just go and see it?" she asked, raising her hands in the air. "Maybe they're really just good people who want to share what they have."
Rick gave her such a look that told her clearly what he thought of her last statement.
"What Aaron said about his leader makes sense. In the long run, sustainability came more from people than resources. You managed in the prison with so little resources to do we couldn't at Grady."
She thought that would make him think differently, but Rick's scowl only hardened. "Prison is in ruins, Amanda," he replied. "But Grady is still on its feet."
"You know what I mean!" she snapped with frustration. She didn't want to think like that, she didn't. Rick was still looking at her. "The others…" she continued. "They want to see it. I saw it in their eyes. Beth—her eyes were intrigued." She shook her head. "I won't pluck it away from her."
It was hope. Amanda saw it clearly in the depths of those wide blue eyes, gleaming, once again doelike. Amanda saw hope in them. She was not going to take it away from the girl. "They need this, Rick," she said, taking a step closer too, knowing that this would make him reconsider. The only thing that would make Rick reconsider taking such a risk now, the very thing Amanda had told Abraham Ford.
"The kids," she remarked. "Carl, Judith, Beth, Mika. They all need this, Rick. They stayed out too long." She paused. "We have to get them in."
He shook his head, heaving deeply, and for a second, Amanda remembered the tired man in the prison, his sadness after he'd killed the little pigs. "If this is what y'all, okay," he finally said. "But I still say we find a place ourselves. This—this is too big."
"Beggars can't be choosers, Rick," she said simply before she turned and walked back toward the recruiter and others.
That was another truth as well. She remembered the message written in blood over the destroyed neighborhood. The wolves were still not far away. If Alexandria was good, it was good. If it was not—Amanda stopped her thought. She didn't want to think on that, at least not now. It was a problem for later, too. They could make a recon and scout the area before they came in, but—
"DAD!" Coming from the front, Carl's voice interrupted her thoughts. She twisted toward the barn's front as Rick ran towards the entrance.
"What happened?" he shouted at his son, bypassing her. Amanda followed him hurriedly.
It was Glenn who answered the inquiry. "Daryl and Abraham!" His voice was still rough with misuse, low in his throat, but holding another timber in it, much like the spirit in Beth's eyes.
Amanda knew they were making the right choice. They needed this. Her people needed this. "They're coming back—running."
The doors opened a few seconds after then, and Abraham and Daryl fled inside. Amanda had already unfastened her holster. She still didn't have many rounds, but what little she had was going to have to make it. She expected the men to announce they had company, too, but Daryl just closed the door and ran the cabinet they'd found the dog food last night in.
"A herd is outside," the hunter ground out, as he started dragging the cabinet toward the door. "They're comin'."