Embrace of Slothful Despair

Zero Days since the Last Death (Eleven Deaths)

With intense self-loathing burning deep in his heart, and anger clouding his unstable judgment, Subaru strode through the desolate streets of the Royal Capital. To his surprise, however, they were not as lonely as they had been during the previous two loops. Squads of guards fleetingly appeared across his field of vision.

During the first two loops of that death cycle, Subaru had encountered nothing but corpses throughout the length of the commercial district, with the sole exception of the loathsome members of the Witch Cult. However, coming across different groups of guards and knights had not come as much of a surprise to him. After all, he had already theorized that the reason he had not noticed their presence before was that they had been completely obliterated by the cult, specifically, by the two alleged Sin Archbishops.

Because he had opted to abandon his two naive colleagues, who were ridiculously holding on to an illusory dream that would never take place, he had spared himself valuable minutes of banal chatter and had prematurely ventured into the streets of the capital. Now that he had ascertained that his hypothesis had proved accurate, thanks to the fleeting presence of several groups of guards tragically marching to their deaths, Subaru had determined that the state of danger in which the Royal Capital lay was even worse than he had initially speculated.

Indeed, the capital city was in a completely disadvantageous situation. At least four Sin Archbishops of the Witch Cult had appeared within the city limits, of that Subaru was convinced. With monsters like the Archbishop of Greed, who possessed an almost perfect immunity to any kind of harm according to the words of a dying Wilhelm Van Astrea, roaming the streets of the kingdom's capital, not even the Sword Saint would be able to repel the cult without the capital receiving irreversible damage.

Would the city be saved? Subaru had no doubt about it. Reinhard Van Astrea was the quintessential hero; in terms of his world, he was completely broken, he was too overpowered. Still, how many lives would perish during his fight against the Witch Cult? Therein lay Subaru's true concern; and not for such a noble reason as the welfare of the people of Lugunica.

There were two people he truly wished to prevent from dying inside the castle, Subaru really did not care what might happen to the others; however, there was one exception. Subaru also wished to prevent the death of Emilia, the half-Elf girl; if he could keep her from perishing during the catastrophic siege of the Royal Capital, then Subaru would finally consider his debt to her settled, and his sins would be redeemed. Emilia was not his priority; but, all the same, he would do what was necessary to impede her death. Only in that way would he assuage the guilt that weighed heavily on his heart.

That was the context corresponding to the castle and those currently inside it. Still, there was another place of vital importance to Subaru. The Hoshin Mansion. However, his concerns pertaining to that place were minuscule in comparison to those he had in relation to the castle. And not only because Anastasia was there, but also because his boss's mansion was heavily guarded. Kararagi's most powerful warrior was one of the guards, after all...

Subaru stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes wide open. Standing still, Subaru stared at the road stretching out before him. If he kept going, in minutes he would be entering the upper-class district. Once there, he would have to run for about thirty, thirty-five minutes to reach the citadel that led to the Royal Castle. It was still possible to glimpse sparse guards moving hurriedly to the west of the commercial district; it was not too late.

Nevertheless, it finally dawned on Subaru that he had not yet completely rid himself of that indulgent illusion, which he had used to avert his gaze from the terrifying and imminent future that was creeping towards him. Two loops had begun and ended, both had concluded with dichotomous deaths; the first due to the searing flames of anger, the second due to the gelid ice of lonely indifference. And yet Subaru never considered contacting Halibel.

His best ally, the best card in his deck, the best piece on his side of the board. Subaru had totally disregarded that person, while stupidly dealing with entities that overwhelmingly surpassed him and his allies in strength and numbers. Unacceptable, he had made a mistake that could not be excused in any way. However, he had no time to punish himself for it, the best he could do was to learn from his previous mistakes and proceed immediately to establish contact with Halibel.

"Somethin' the matter, Subaru-sama?" Utada questioned him, puzzled that he had stopped abruptly in the middle of the street, a place where they were exposed to attack.

"I'm gonna call Halibel with the metia." Subaru stated after a few seconds of silence, and then resumed his way to the Royal Castle. It was a fact that he had no time to waste, so he would call him as he moved.

Halibel had told him to do exactly that. He had forgotten because, at the time, he had found himself too focused on escaping the uncomfortable atmosphere of the foyer of Anastasia's mansion. But Halibel had undoubtedly told him so. You will regret it, he had predicted... He was already regretting it... Use the metia to reach out to me in case somethin' happens, he had indicated... And that is exactly what he would do.

"Anastasia-sama and the cap'n appointed him to the guardin' of the manor." Utada replied. I don't care, Subaru was tempted to reply. Utada was a mercenary who strictly abided by the rules of his organization, he would always fulfill his duty without a single wrongdoing. Therefore, for him to hear that Subaru intended for Halibel to abandon his post at the mansion would undoubtedly result in something inadmissible.

"They'll understand, especially Anastasia." He merely retorted in that way.

Subaru was tempted to throw in the revelation that Halibel actually worked for him, but in the end refrained from doing so. That could easily cause unwanted friction between Utada and himself; having abandoned Otto and Leith, he could not ignore the possibility of it. His colleagues were also important to the Hoshin Company, so Utada might have frowned upon his decision to part ways with both of them when the capital was in the midst of a siege.

"Ya're right." Utada said, indifferently. Utada was aware of how important Subaru was to Anastasia Hoshin, so he had no choice but to give in to his selfish argument. Anastasia would indeed understand. If it was to prolong Natsuki Subaru's life, Anastasia Hoshin would agree to almost anything...

In haste, Subaru rummaged through his own clothes in search of the round pocket mirror that would allow him to communicate with Halibel. However, as the seconds passed, the movements of his hands became more frantic. After searching every pocket of his pants, Subaru found himself having to accept the inescapable truth; he had forgotten the metia in the mansion.

Once again, Subaru halted in his tracks, inwardly cursing his ineptitude. In desperation, he searched his pockets once more, hoping for a miracle that would never materialize. It was useless, just as it was useless to keep fooling himself. Due to his haste to leave the mansion, and the troubled state of mind he had been in since waking up that morning, he had made a stupid mistake. Unable to get in touch with Halibel, and finding himself a considerably long distance from the mansion, a distance that felt longer considering the disheartening context of his situation, Subaru cursed his poor luck and his tremendous stupidity.

"Shit, I'm a fucking idiot!" Subaru exclaimed, laden with frustration.

"Weren't ya 'bout ta contact Halibel-sama?" Utada asked him, as he slowly approached Subaru.

"I forgot the damn metia! I won't be able to contact Halibel." Subaru told him, turning to look at him. Utada's expression remained the same, for him, that mistake did not change a thing; his job remained the same, his intentions remained unchanged. If only Utada also owned a metia; thought Subaru. Subaru was always supposed to carry one, and Utada only received a Conversing Mirror during special missions, they were extremely expensive goods, after all; so Subaru was the sole culprit of this pathetic plight...

"Then, what should we do?" At Utada's question, Subaru shook his while erupting into a tense, angry laugh. Utada was a bodyguard, so no matter what he said, Subaru would always have the last word. Feeling the pressure of having to make a decision on his shoulders, Subaru found himself having to choose, once again, to stick to his priorities.

"We don't have the time to go all the way to the mansion, we'd have to detour completely west of the nobility district to get there, and that alone would waste over an hour." Leith lived in the upper part of the business district, just under half an hour from the border with the nobility district. Up to two hours they would have lost if they had gone to check on the passing of Leith's family, they still had time; even so, adding the mansion as a stopover would make abandoning his friends something completely futile. Subaru could not afford to waste time. "We'll continue north. Due to the vision, I know where the archbishops are. If we're careful, we shouldn't run into them."

Having said that, Subaru resumed his race against time towards the castle. He was aware that Halibel would be completely vital to conquer the Royal Castle, he really was. However, his priority was to get to the castle as early as possible, his priority was to rescue Anastasia, not the castle. If he got there before the Archbishop of Greed did, maybe, just maybe... Maybe he was being too naïve, again.

With that in mind, Subaru kept moving forward. Regardless of the doubts piling up in his mind and heart, swirling in the core of his being, Subaru did not look back. A strong person can encompass much more than a weak person... A strong person, just like a weak one, will have priorities; not everything can be placed on the same layer of the heart, in the same emotional hierarchy.

However, a strong person can afford to have looser, broader priorities. A strong person can encompass more, therefore he will not find it necessary to neglect those close to him. A strong person can protect all those he cares about; Subaru thought so. He, who was unable to protect all those he cherished, could not consider himself anything but the weakest of beings.

Therefore, he had to strengthen his pathetic spirit and accept his own limitations once again. He could no longer naively believe that he could save all those he cared about; sooner or later, he would have to have chosen among those important to him. That time had come for him. For exactly this reason he could not afford to look back. He had to keep his gaze straight ahead, fixed on the only people he could protect; those of paramount importance to him.

Subaru hoped that Otto and Leith would be lucky enough to get through a situation like the one they were currently in; otherwise, that would be their final goodbye. No, this is the final goodbye, he concluded in his mind. Even if they both survived, Subaru doubted that their relationship would remain as it had been until that day. His relationship with them had not been the best since his first return from Kararagi, but now, their friendship could at last be considered over.

We the weak are selfish, Subaru thought. The weak who do not recognize their limitations are destined to die in horrible ways; that was the harsh reality of that world. Therefore, the weak will inevitably be lonely people. Hence, the weak seek out other weak people... That is what he had concluded. He, a weak person who had ended up surrounded by strong people by mere chance, would inevitably be the loneliest of all...

Sighing, Subaru shook his head. It would be best if he didn't keep thinking about it, or he might end up regretting his actions; no, he would end up regretting his actions more than he already did. Leith and Otto, they were both extraordinary people, but, ultimately, they were also weak. As he had thought, inevitably, weak people seek out other weak people, thus striving for strength in numbers.

Anastasia Hoshin and everyone under her command were strong. She may have lacked physical strength, but the same could not be said of her mental strength. Thanks to that, she had built the empire that was the Hoshin Trading Company. Anastasia claimed that Subaru was strong, but Subaru could not consciously and unconsciously accept it. Otherwise, Subaru would have to take responsibility and rescue all those he cared about; self-indulgently, he once again assumed that he was too weak to even accept the responsibilities that came with his cursed blessing.

Selfish humility... That was not humility. Once again, acknowledging his weaknesses was not enough. Yet he had already tried so hard to change himself; he had simply failed. Having tried and failed, was it not unfair that he was branding himself as selfish? He was doing what he could with what little he had at hand. Abandoning Leith and Otto had been necessary so that he could then regain control over Anastasia's fate.

Yes, berating himself would gain him absolutely nothing. It was too late to turn around and go back for his colleagues. He had decided to neglect their fates... If he died again, he would simply abandon them again. He had no time to convince them that going to Leith's family home was a waste of time, both of them would stubbornly cling naively to an illusion, under the guise of pathetic hope.

Like Subaru in the past, they were unable to let go of what was not a priority. Both were weak, both wanted to encompass more than they could... Subaru was not a hero, nor was he responsible for the actions of either of them. Subaru had a path to walk, a destination to reach. Otto and Leith had become a burden... Subaru did not want to see them die over and over again... He would not bear to deal with that mental burden.

Unconsciously, Subaru entered one of the alleys that opened to his left. A few minutes ago the groups of guards had stopped appearing, the streets were finally completely deserted. Avoiding the main streets as much as possible, Subaru fled northwest. If he strayed too far west, he could end up arriving dangerously close to Capella, if he headed straight north, he would end up running into the two alleged archbishops sooner or later.

Subaru, while running, pictured the map of the capital. In the east, two suspected archbishops still unrecognized, in the northwest, the Archbishop of Lust, in the north, probably, the Archbishop of Greed. As long as he stayed away from the first three, he should have no trouble reaching the citadel that preceded the castle. His only concern was Greed who, from the trail of butchered corpses encountered on the previous loop, had most likely traveled the same path he had in mind to reach the Royal Castle.

Nonetheless, Subaru did not attach much importance to this matter. If he met him on the way, he would thus corroborate his assumptions, and thus acquire some valuable information. Still, since he would circumvent Farsale Square, he would not travel exactly the same path to the castle as the previous loop, so there was a chance to avoid running into him.

A man who, with the mere movement of his hand, destroys everything around him, leaving a huge trail of death and devastation in his wake... I should be able to avoid an encounter with him; thought Subaru, while he turned away again from the street where he was located and entered another alley nearby. Subaru felt confident in achieving his goal, thanks to the information he had gathered. He had a good idea of where the Sin Archbishops were located; as long as he was careful and avoided main roads, he should safely reach the castle.

And just as he had thought, it happened... over the course of the next ten minutes. He had moved far enough away from the eastern part of the business district, while at the same time avoiding straying too far to the west. He was at a central point which, he hypothesized, should spare him from encountering any of the first three archbishops. If he had eluded the first two during the previous loop, there was no reason why this time should be any different.

His heart then skipped a beat, a violent shiver ran through his entire body, the nausea almost caused him to trip over one of the rock bricks in the road and fall to the ground. An eerie sense of déjà vu flooded his body; and this was due to more than one reason. Utada, who had followed him silently since his failed attempt to contact Halibel, grunted as he wielded his massive axe.

They were surrounded by as many as ten individuals dressed in jet black robes, their gazes hidden by hoods with triangular markings where their eyes were. Subaru, with vomit threatening to escape his throat, gazed in horror at the figures, who silently stared back at him and Utada. No, therein lay the second reason that had caused that terrible feeling of déjà vu. They were only looking at him.

Although they were concealing their gazes, it was easy to perceive what the cultists were really staring at. Utada, who possessed keener senses, noticed it first. With suspicion, the mercenary glanced at the paralyzed Subaru. It was difficult to understand the reasons behind the Witch Cult's actions, and so he could not act rashly, but it was clear that the cult had an interest in Subaru for some reason; his dreadful odor was most likely related to it.

Subaru was certain that he had taken all of his considerations into account. He had been careful and had stayed away from the area where he had found the two suspected archbishops. And yet, it had all been in vain... Abandoning his colleagues and friends had been in vain. Just as it had happened first with the mabeast, and then with the fake Zarestia, Subaru had been found no matter how much he escaped. Subaru simply could not comprehend it...

The first to move was Utada who, noticing that the cultists were poised to attack him first, made a preemptive strike. His axe sliced a cultist from chest to waist, causing his organs to spill out like a crimson waterfall. The cultists quickly moved into attack formation, and this time Subaru did notice the mages moving to the rear; just as during the previous loop.

Within seconds, daggers rained down, and although Utada dodged most of them, taking out two witch cultists in the process, he was unable to thwart the use of magic. Two mages had fallen, but one was able to attack Utada at point-blank range. The sphere of fire exploded, burning the leather breastplate worn by the mercenary and incinerating his fur. Scorched skin was visible on various parts of his body, however, Utada ignored the pain and killed the mage with a powerful swipe of his razor-sharp claws.

Of the ten initial cultists, seven remained; the mages, who apparently numbered a mere three, had already been eliminated. Two cultists, without uttering a word, began to escape. Utada, as if he were a wild animal, lunged at them with his axe raised over his enormous head. Swinging the weapon hard, Utada finished off one of the fleeing individuals, slashing him across the back.

Utada's burning gaze moved towards the remaining escaping cultist, but before he could give chase, the remaining five hooded men attacked him from behind. Using his thick arm, Utada parried the attacks, however, blood began to flow profusely from it. With a shout, Utada swung his other arm and grabbed one of the attackers by the neck. With a cracking sound, the warrior broke the cultist's neck, and then immediately hurled the body forcefully towards the latter's companions.

Using his axe and claws, Utada ultimately wiped out all the cultists, spreading their blood and organs all over the alley they were in. Seeing this, Subaru sighed out of relief. If they hurried, perhaps they would manage to elude the alleged archbishops. Subaru feared that the witch cultists would find him again, but at that moment he could only think of keeping moving. It was then that his gaze and Utada's met, and Subaru once again feared for his life.

An instinctive fear spread through Subaru's body, causing him to tremble. Utada's eyes glittered in the gloom of the alley, hatred seeped from between his corneas, a hatred capable of curdling the blood. Animalistic animosity struck Subaru, who found himself incapable of moving; Utada no longer considered him an ally, of that he was certain. Subaru felt the desperate need to speak, but was powerless to do so. The sound of his teeth chattering incessantly flooded the silent alley.

"U-Uta-da...?" Subaru forced himself to say, his gaze fixed on an Utada that resembled a feral beast. Without answering him, Utada slowly approached him. The distance between the two decreased; each step of the demi-human, Subaru feared further for his life. And when the feline's beastly breath brushed Subaru's face, the hostile mercenary abruptly disappeared. "Huh?"

Dumbfounded, Subaru scanned the alley with his gaze. There seemed to be nothing there. It was then that sounds of struggling reached his ears and Subaru raised his gaze. And then he saw them, multiple black hands had grabbed Utada and held him in the air. His bodyguard squirmed, kicked and bit, but it was no use. As if he were just junk, the hands simply disposed of him, flinging him away. Stupefied, Subaru kept his gaze in the air; even when the hands disappeared without a trace. He did not react until a voice coming from the exit of the alley brought him out of his daze.

"My fingers notified me that they had found a particularly beloved individual, however, to think that he would be blemished in such a way..." With a start, Subaru turned around, to then encounter a brown-haired man, on whose head was a black skullcap, and who had a crazed look on his face. "No, no, no, no, no. It can't be, it can't be! To think that I would be capable of ignoring such a presence, I have definitely sinned against love! Forgive me! Forgive me! Forgive me for defaulting on your love!" Self-flagellating for a sin incomprehensible to Subaru, the man began to brutally bite his fingers.

Subaru, having lost all hope of escape, dropped to his knees, his gaze fixed on the pale face of the masochistic lunatic. The vitality quickly disappeared from his eyes, which in a few seconds began to lack almost completely the gleam of life. He had failed, once again, his efforts had been completely futile. For no matter if he resisted, it would be to no avail; if he again escaped from the crazed man, he would die at the hands of the woman with the bandaged body.

"Kill me..." Subaru whispered, melancholic. He would start over, find a way to elude the Witch Cult and get to the castle. I won't be able to keep the promise, he thought gloomily. He had promised Anastasia that he would fight, that he would not waste his life; however, there was nothing left for him to do. "Just kill me already..." Subaru insisted, his gaze riveted on the rock surface.

"It appears to me that you have lost all will to live... You have neglected the love that has been bestowed upon you, you have scorned the good faith that has been shown to you and you have begun to wallow in pitiful stagnation." With an admonishing look, the man walked calmly towards Subaru, while reprimanding his defeatist attitude. Finally, the man stopped in front of him; his two black shoes appeared in Subaru's field of vision. "I'd like you to at least look me in the eye while I'm talking to you. I don't think it would involve too much effort to act respectfully before this servant of love, would it?"

"Tch! I've no interest in listening to the rantings of a madman. Do what you came here to do, and fucking kill me!" Refusing to indulge the lunatic, Subaru shouted with his gaze completely fixed on the leather shoes. He would die and start from scratch, that was all he needed to know.

"You disregard my requests and shamelessly demand that I fulfill yours. While you wallow in your self-indulgent stagnation, unable to do anything by yourself, you expect others to solve your concerns... It's disgusting to watch. Terrible, pitiful, deplorable, woeful, pathetic, despicable! Truly... you are sloth!" Abruptly, Subaru felt his hair being roughly grabbed, and then his eyes finally met those of the crazed individual. "Who are you? Why is someone like you, loathsome confidant of the slothful spirits, so beloved? Why is someone as beloved as you, ranting in such a manner against his own blessedness!? Who are you? Who are you?! WHO… ARE… YOU?!"

"I won't tell lame fanatics like you my name. When I find a way to deal with this, I'll make sure the Sword Saint wipes your asses off the face of the earth." Subaru actually had no idea what he was babbling about. Would he go back to depending on Reinhard? That was not his intention, at least he did not wish to do so in a completely straightforward manner, just as he had done on the day of his arrival in that world. However, his hatred for the Witch Cult burned stronger than ever, and the thought of being insulted without responding was unacceptable to him.

"Hmm... It seems that the vigor necessary for proper diligence has not entirely drained out of you." The man remarked, bringing another of his fingers to his mouth; blood immediately began to ooze from between his yellowish teeth. "Even so, I must reiterate my question, who are you...? Are you not by any chance Pride?"

"Pride…?" Subaru asked, confused.

"Indeed... Pride... Pride... Pride... Otherwise... Otherwise, why would someone like you be so loved? It cannot be otherwise, it cannot be... It has to be so! Pride..." Rambling, the deranged man analyzed Subaru's face, as he buried his teeth with increasing force into his slender bony fingers. "If so, it's my duty to introduce myself to you." He concluded, freeing his bloodied finger and Subaru's hair. One, two, three steps. Once he was some distance from Subaru, he turned around, holding the cloak attached to his robe and made a twisted curtsy, finally introducing himself. "I am one of the Sin Archbishops of the Witch Cult, representing Sloth. Petelgeuse Romanée-Conti!"

"Sloth!" Subaru exclaimed, surprised. With a dangerous gleam replacing his dull, dying gaze, Subaru scrutinized the crazed cultist's face. At the same time, the witch believer misread Subaru's reaction and look, something that was intensified when he muttered. "So you were Sloth... I was right, you were a Sin Archbishop. Is the other one Wrath...?" Quickly, Subaru began to make sense of the information he had just received; the fear of death had already vanished from his heart. He called me Pride, Subaru thought. He did not understand the meaning behind such a statement, but if that was the case, then he was safe in stating that the blindfolded woman was not the Archbishop of Pride. "Wrath..." He thought aloud.

"¡Ahhhhh! Was I in the right?! Before myself has the new disciple of love been sent, the remaining disciple of love? This can only be a proof that I have followed the right path, that I have acted according to what is expected of this devoted servant of love! It is fantastic, wonderful, incredible, unbelievable, extraordinary, amazing! My heart is flooded with zeal! Are you a devotee of love? Are you the one representing Pride? Your gaze... wonderful! It is the gaze of a faithful follower of the witch! The gaze of a sinner in search of a path to follow until decay! I can feel the pride flowing in you! The proud must be diligent, thus it must be! Thus it must be! Thus! Thuuuuuus! Thus it must be...! My brain trembleeeees!"

Archbishop of Pride... If he lied, would he reach his destiny? He hated the cult of the witch. A burning akin to molten steel emanated from his gut, a hatred capable of eating away at his reason. However, Subaru had a priority, one that completely displaced his doubts and worries. Anastasia, he needed to reach his boss's fate; to do so, reaching the Royal Castle was vital.

If he lied, if he used the naivety and stupidity of that lunatic to his advantage, could he achieve his goal? He would do anything to achieve it, that was the extent of his resolve. He would shake hands with his enemy if that was necessary; and then he would stab them in the back. The day he had relegated his promise to Reinhard, he had thought he had acted humbly; however, he had done nothing but run away from his responsibilities, using a false self-indulgent humility as an excuse; as the madman had said, that was sloth... Therefore, he would take it as a punishment to temporarily bear with the sin of pride.

"Archbishop Romanée-Conti, I'm extremely pleased that you have finally recognized me. As you can see, I was also summoned to the siege of the capital, but I got lost along the way. To have stumbled upon you seems to be proof that providence does indeed favor me. Although that is to be expected, isn't it?" Should I act smugly? What should I say? What should I avoid saying? Sloth, he did not really act slothful... So how could he be sure how he should act in front of a Sin Archbishop? If he made a mistake, he would be exposed... It would be best if I spoke as little as possible, he concluded. "In any case, I also failed to recognize you due to the fact that I was recently assigned as the Pride's representative, and therefore I'm not yet aware of the identities of my fellow archbishops; so I don't consider it necessary for me to apologize for it. However, I do feel that the least I can do is to respond accordingly and also introduce myself... Sin Archbishop of the Witch Cult, representing Pride, Natsuki Subaru."