'Eyheyyyy! I'm alive! Finally free from bullshit too and I can do the job I've been working towards for years. In the meantime, I still have some fan fic trash to write and share lol, so here you go.

Desmond refers to his sister by her real name, Angel. The others will soon follow suit and I will begin to use Angel completely in the descriptive text instead of Brooke.

It had been about four days since the nonsense that Cartman had caused. He was currently still in the hospital after suffering many broken bones at the hands of pretty much everyone. During the first three days, the boys hadn't seen nor heard from Brooke or Lucy as they had returned to the Nether for a while with Desmond. Only Kenny and Kyle had any contact with them, but neither would really talk much about whatever was going on. On the fourth day, Brooke returned. She didn't say much of anything, but she looked quite pleased.

"All right," the teacher said. "Next for show-and-tell is you, Brooke. Have you brought something to show the class?"

"You bet I did!" She got up from her desk and walked over to the classroom door and walked out. There was a moment of silent confusion before she kicked the door open and came back inside, lightly dragging an older boy by his wrist. "Look at my brother! He's freaking amazing!"

"Er…hello," Desmond looked a bit sheepish.

"What's so amazing about him?" Craig asked.

She pointed and glared at Craig. "Shut up, Craig."

He winced.

"Desmond is the most amazing person in the whole freaking universe," she said. "Along with you, Kenny."

Kenny blushed a little and shifted in his seat.

"Also, LOOK at him!"

Craig blinked. "…Okay, fair enough." Tweek made a strange sound in the back.

"He IS superhot," Bebe said.

Brooke pointed at her. "Back off!"

"Ahem," the teacher caught their attention. "Well, Brooke, why don't you tell us a bit about your brother and why you chose him for, um, show-and-tell?"

"Oh, right. This is Desmond. He's my older brother by two years."

"He's a sixth grader?!" Scott jumped.

"He doesn't go to school," Brooke told him. "Anyways, a few years ago some…stuff happened and my brother went missing. We thought he was dead. But now he's back! He's very kind, and smart, and handsome."

"I'll say," another girl said.

"Red," Brooke pointed. "I will BREAK you!"

"N-Now, Angel…" Desmond soothed.

.

Desmond was allowed by the Principal to stay with Brooke at school for the rest of the day, so he joined them in the cafeteria for lunch. Brooke and Lucy sat on either side of him, watching him adoringly.

He chuckled a little. "Angel. Lucy. I assure you, I'm not going to disappear again."

"We'll certainly make sure of it," Lucy stated firmly.

"So," Stan said. "Now that Desmond's back, is HE the heir to the throne? You know, since he was born first?"

"No," Lucy answered. "The Princess has long since been in that place after his disappearance. Though, she could, if they both wished, step down and allow him to take her place."

"I think Angel will do a much better job than me," Desmond admitted. "Even without being there, she has the kingdom completely under control and in perfect shape."

"Yeah," Brooke huffed. "Thanks to Lucy."

Lucy's face pinkened at the compliment. "Er, yes, well… It will still be good to have Desmond around again, too."

"But if something happened to me again," Desmond smiled and pointed his fork at Kenny on the other side of Brooke. "HE would be the next in line."

"ME?!"

He chuckled. "Yes. I mean, the two of you aren't married, but you do have a part of Angel's soul fused to your own. You're basically a Wechuge and practically the new Prince."

He looked bewildered. "I AM?!"

"Wow," Darren smirked. "Kenny, a prince? That's kind of funny."

"So, Kenny has authority in the Nether?" Kyle asked.

"Er, well… Yes, actually," Lucy replied. "Of course, being that the Nether is her birthright, Brooke would always have final say over everything, but… Yes. He does have authority there and every right to use it."

"Whoa," Kenny held his head. "I feel lightheaded…"

Brooke and Desmond chuckled at him.

Darren glanced over at Clyde. "Uh, dude, are you okay?"

"Huh?!" He jumped and looked at him.

"You've been staring at Desmond with that weird face ever since show-and-tell."

"W-What weird face?! I'm not confused!"

"Con- What? What are you confused about?"

"I'm not!" He ran off somewhere.

"Well, that was weird…" Stan muttered.

"He was lying," Lucy said casually as she separated her peas and mashed potatoes.

"Wow," Darren said. "Even Clyde thinks Desmond's hot. I mean, you gotta admit… What?" Brooke was leering at him across the table.

"Oh," Desmond seemed to remember something. "Lucy. Angel told me that you and Kyle are together."

Kyle choked on his drink while Lucy squeaked. "Uh, er, well," she stammered a bit. "I-I suppose. Yes." They accidentally caught each other's eye and blushed furiously.

Desmond smiled. "Both of my girls have got themselves humans… Mother would have been beside herself."

"Yeah, but is Kenny REALLY a human anymore?" Darren asked.

"Hm. I suppose not."

"Is it…bad that I'm a human?" Kyle asked.

"Hm? Oh, no! Well, perhaps in Mother's eyes it would have been… But she was a lot kinder and much more understanding than she seemed. She would have accepted it…eventually."

"Oh."

"Hey, Desmond," Stan said. "Are you going back to the Nether or are you going to stay here in South Park?"

"That's a part of the discussion we had with Quinzel," he mused. "Oh, well it's believed that it would better for me to stay with Angel. The Council did want us to move somewhere else, since the Nightmare King is now aware of our location…"

The others winced, Kenny and Kyle most notably.

"But Angel refused," Desmond continued. "Honestly, I was surprised that the Council's majority vote was on her side. And so, I will be living with Angel and Lucy and the – what did you call them?" He glanced at Brooke. "The 'not-parents'?"

"Yup," she smiled.

"And we absolutely can NOT have anyone else move in!" Lucy stated. "The house is full. It's overflowing!"

"Oh, stop exaggerating," Brooke rolled her eyes. "Anyways, today is our first day back from the Nether. Desmond hasn't met Riley, Jake, or Trent."

"Or the not-parents," he added.

"Yeah. So, do you guys want to come over after school to see their reactions?"

"Do they not know?" Kyle asked.

"The not-parents know. And so does Riley. I'm sure he told Jake."

"Whatever excuse I need to hang around you is fine with me," Kenny said shamelessly.

She laughed and nudged him. "You don't need an excuse. Come over anytime."

Lucy cleared her throat. "Yes, well… Another thing you should all know… Due to the appearances of Nightmares, the Council has required the Princess to station lookouts and assign bodyguards around South Park. Not only for our sake, but for you all as well. Your assigned guard will make contact with you sometime before tomorrow morning."

"Oh, sweet," Darren said. "We get our own bodyguards!"

"Should we be worried?" Kyle asked.

"No, no. I assure you, the bodyguards will be very capable and attentive. No need to fret. You will be safe." She nodded and gave him a reassuring smile. "Of course, these monsters still have very important jobs to do on top of that, so, as a precaution, we'd ask you not to leave school alone."

"Bodyguards AND escorts?" Stan asked. "Are you sure we shouldn't be worried?"

"Positive."

"I'm going to have Trent escort Karen," Brooke said.

"Huh?" Kenny looked at her. "Why? I can do that."

"Yeah, but you also need your own escort and bodyguard," she poked his nose, making him shut his eyes. "Besides, it's an excuse to make Trent leave the basement and socialize."

.

After school, Darren, Kenny, Kyle, Stan, and Butters all met up with Brooke, Lucy, Riley, and Desmond to head over to their house. "Angel was telling me how the two of you are in a relationship along with a third person," Desmond was talking to Riley and Butters along the way. "It's such a strange concept… Oh, forgive me! That was rather rude…"

"That's okay," Butters smiled up at him.

"I'm still a little confused about it myself," Riley said quietly. "I just don't want to mess up."

"Oh," Desmond smiled. "Don't stress yourself over it, love. From what Angel tells me, you seem to be doing quite well together."

"I hope so."

"You must also be concerned over Jacob's health issues… Angel mentioned it, but cancer is a strange term to me."

"Must be nice. Monsters don't get terminal illnesses, huh?"

"Illnesses? No. Nothing like that. But animals can."

"Monster animals?" Butters asked.

"Heh, I suppose some of the Nether's native fauna would be like monsters to you."

As they entered the house, Brooke called up for Trent to bring Jake downstairs. Sniper bolted down the stairs first, leaping at Desmond, who had to brace himself so as not to get knocked over.

"Oh," Desmond laughed as the dog licked him. "Uhm, I do not believe we have met."

"Dad got Sniper for me as a puppy," Brooke explained. "He's a hellhound."

"Rather friendly for a hellhound, aren't you, love?" He rubbed the dog's ears.

"What are you DOING!?" Lucy shouted.

Trent had completely lifted the wheelchair, with Jake in it, off the ground and was carrying it down the stairs. "What?" He said. "It's easier."

"You'll DROP him!"

"Pfft, no I – Whoa!" He swayed, causing Lucy to gasp, then regained his balance and grinned. "Heh, just kidding."

"Ooh! Your sense of humor is repugnant!" She snapped.

"Whatever." He placed the wheelchair down at the bottom and pushed it over to the sofa.

"Listen," Brooke waved her hand to get their attention. "This is my long-lost, thought to be dead brother, Desmond! He's going to live here now!"

"…Damn!" Jake smiled. "How YOU doing?"

Desmond tilted his head. "Er, I'm fine, thank you."

"Yeah you are."

"Jake!" Riley scolded.

"Come on, Riles. Look at 'im!"

Riley rolled his eyes.

"Is something wrong?" Desmond asked.

"Nah, it's fine," Darren told him. "Everyone's just acting weird because they think you're hot and want to have sex with you."

"O-Oh! Oh my…"

"Darren!" Lucy was appalled.

"What? It's true. Even Clyde freaked out. He's even got the straight guys feeling some kind of way."

"What?" Trent said. "Not me! I don't want to have sex with him."

"I do," Jake said.

"JAKE!" Riley snapped.

He shrugged and slouched down in his chair. "Aw, come on, Riles! Don't we have room for one more?"

"No!"

"Butters," Jake said. "You think Desmond's hot, too, don'tcha?"

"Uh, w-well, I, uh, bduh, uh…"

Jake laughed. "Aw, you're so cute!"

Butters blushed and his stammering worsened. Riley sighed and shook his head.

"Jake's a flirt," Brooke told her brother. "And Trent, erm, well, he's kind of like an angry redneck gorilla."

"I see."

"Hey, Butters," Jake turned his flirting over to him now. He grinned and winked at him. "You know, we're always together when Riley's around, but don't you think we should spend more alone time together?"

"Oh, w-well, um, yeah, I-I guess so."

"Ah, good. Let's spend some alone time together Friday night, hm?"

"Okay."

"What's with that face, Riley?" Jake smiled. "We won't do anything TOO naughty."

He rolled his eyes.

Desmond chuckled. "My, Lucy's right. This is a very lively household."

"A bit TOO lively," Lucy muttered.

"Speaking of lively," Trent said. "Brooke, your two weird skeleton pets were making a bunch of racket in the attic earlier."

"The attic?" She tilted her head. "Charles! Lamar!"

The two banshees popped out of the ground, causing some of the other kids to jump. "Heyyyy!"

"Heyyyyyyy!"

"What were you two doing in the attic?"

They winced. "Eh," Lamar exchanged a look with Charles. "N-Nothing."

Lucy glared at them and cleared her throat. They lowered their heads.

"Definitely NOT stashing bombs," Charles said.

"BOMBS?!" Lucy jumped. "What are you doing storing BOMBS in the attic?!"

"NOT storing bombs," he corrected.

"Honestly," she sighed. "I don't know why you two even bother to lie around me when you KNOW I can tell the difference."

"Okay, okay," Lamar said. "You know how there's a 'no bombs' policy in the castle? Well, we had to stash our bombs SOMEwhere."

"But the attic? Really?"

Charles nodded. "It was the best place we could think of on the spot to hide the evidence."

She sighed. "Wait – Evidence? What do you mean 'evidence'?"

"Oh, you haven't seen the news?" He tilted his head.

"What?" She grabbed the remote and flipped the television on.

"…and there were no known witnesses at the scene of the explosion, leaving authorities searching madly for clues as to who was behind the attempted destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge…"

"YOU BLEW UP THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE!?"

"Ah, no. We blew up the first QUARTER of the Golden Gate Bridge," Charles said.

"ARE YOU INSANE!? THAT'S TERRORISM!"

They ducked lowly out of fearful instinct.

"What the heck did you guys do that for?!" Stan asked.

"Because it's stupid," Lamar said. "It's ugly!"

"And it's not even gold!" Charles added.

"But why did you only blow up a quarter of it?" Darren asked.

They shrugged and Lamar said, "The other bombs didn't go off. Guess they were duds."

Lucy was beside herself with fury and disbelief. "I can't BELIEVE you two!"

"Already back to their antics I see," Desmond sighed, though he was smiling a little.

"Well, no one got hurt," Lamar said.

"Yeah! We put up road blocks before we blew it up."

"Oh," Lucy threw her hands up. "Because that makes it SO much better! Princess! Do something!"

"Aw no," Charles looked sad. "Are you gonna put us in the wall?"

"No," she said. "But I will make you collect siren eggs from the Kraken's lake. The royal chef is running low."

"Aw, no!" Lamar threw his head back. "Not that! We HATE doing that!"

"The sirens are SO annoying!" Charles said. "I changed my mind, put us in the wall instead!"

She smiled. "Sorry boys." She clapped her hands and a vortex opened in the living room.

A large Guard stepped out and picked the banshees up in each a hand by their shoulders. "CHARLES AND LAMAR. YOU ARE SENTENCED TO COMMUNITY SERVICE. VIA ORDERS OF THE PRINCESS, YOU WILL COLLECT SIREN EGGS FROM THE KRAKEN'S LAKE." It turned and took them back with it through the portal.

Jake was splayed out in his wheelchair with an expression of great shock on his face. Darren thought aloud, "Aren't sirens dangerous? Like, deadly dangerous?"

"For humans, totally," Brooke replied. "For most monsters…they're just REALLY annoying."

…

The large brown werewolf stopped atop a mound of garbage to look over the shabby house surrounded by construction ruins. Was this really the right place? He carefully made his way down the trash heap, leaping off the last couple of feet, then made his way over to the shabbily boarded window. He pushed his snout through the boards, pushing the tattered curtain out of the way, and sniffed vigorously for a scent. He mostly smelled foul odors such as alcohol and urine, and lots of rats, but also caught a whiff of the humans that lived there.

Adult male…adult female…both scents were weak. They weren't home. …A boy's scent that reminded him of the Princess. Must be that boy, Kenny… Another boy…stale…and a young girl, fresh.

The werewolf threw his head to the side a few times, trying to get the curtain out of the way so he could see. The sounds of sniffing and snorting caught Karen's attention and she poked her head around the corner from the hall to see. At first, she was afraid it was another one of those big scary things with all the eyes and teeth. "Oh!" She spotted the brown muzzle and big wet nose poking through the boards and made her way over. "Hello doggy. What are you doing?" She giggled as the snout paused then sniffed at her.

The werewolf pulled his snout back from the window. "Are you Karen?"

"You can talk!" She moved the curtain aside to look at him. "Oh wow! You're a really BIG doggy! Like that pretty blue one that my brother had with him once. Yes. My name is Karen. Were you looking for me?"

"Yes," he nodded and sat back. "My name is Thorn. I was sent to be a sort of bodyguard for you."

"Really? Did my Guardian Angel send you?"

He tilted his head a little. "I suppose you could say that. I'm here to protect you from the Nightmares."

"You're going to protect me from bad dreams?"

"Hm? No, the Nightmares. That big scary blob that attacked you the other day. I'm going to protect you from those. Er, in case your 'Guardian Angel' isn't around. Is that okay?"

"Yeah!" she smiled brightly. "Do you want to come in and play?"

"I'm…supposed to remain hidden really. I'm not supposed to let other humans see me."

"No one's home right now. Just me. It's really boring… Since it's just me, can you stay and play until my brother gets home?"

"Er…" he glanced around. "Well… Yes, I suppose that would be all right."

"Yay!" She ran over to unlock and open the door for him. "Are you always going to be around now?"

"Not always." He had to squeeze his broad shoulders through the doorway. "Most of the time, though. But between an hour before you leave school for the day and about an hour after you get home, I will not be around. I will be home, at that time. So, the Pri- Ahem. Brooke will have that boy Trent walk you home after school and stay with you until I arrive. Even if your brother is able to escort you, Trent will still accompany you as well, just to be sure."

"Oh, okay. Trent is that big scary boy I met at Brooke's house." She smiled. "He's scary, but he was kind of nice, too. I like his eyes. They're a pretty blue."

"Mm. Well, what kinds of games do you like to play?"

…

Craig was sitting up in his bed, reading a comic book in peaceful quiet when his bedroom door was suddenly flung open. He jumped with fright. "What the -!? Clyde? What the hell are you doing!?"

Clyde angrily pointed at him. "YOU GAVE ME THE GAY!"

"HUH?! What are you talking about?!"

"Hanging around with you all the time rubbed off on me and made me gay!"

"That's not contagious, you idiot!"

"Then why am I so attracted to Brooke's brother, Desmond!?"

"…Dude. Because he's hot. That's not my fault."

"No! I'm not gay!" He ran away.

Craig blinked. "…Asshole."

To be continued…

"You gave me the gay," is a Spongebob reference to "You gave me the ugly" haha