Once more, sleep was not an option for our heroes, albeit for different reasons. Ryan was put in charge of their latest mission. As much as he hated to admit it, it weighed heavily on him, leading his friends in danger. But if they were successful, which they were trying very hard to be, they would be rid of a big problem. The parents being gone and Renee being robbed of any will to do anything, along with everyone else being tired and fast asleep made things a lot easier.
He was currently alone with Lucy in her room, using the laptop, while Lincoln and Lynn went to wake Lisa from her bed and ask for her assistance, as they couldn't do this without her. All of them but Lucy kind of hoped she would say no. But she had also seen what Lincoln had seen, she knew what was at stake. Ryan groaned inwardly, another thankless act of heroism they had to do, get rid of something that was a menace to society because everyone else was too oblivious to notice it. At least this menace wasn't Lizzie's creation.
"I pretty sure we should get wolf's bane as a deterrent." Lucy advised.
Ryan groaned. "Lucy, I don't think there's any proof that this stuff works on wolves. But pepper spray sure works on them. A sensitive sniffer is handy for tracking down deer and elk, but not so handy when assaulted with….strong odors. "
"Same for strong hearing? You are acutely aware of your surroundings, but overloading those senses will cause your great pain."
"Smart girl." Ryan smirked. "You can always take out a stronger foe is you know their weakness, or in this case, turn their strength into a weakness."
"That's very poetic."
"Coming from you, that's high praise." Ryan patted her back. No one ever called him "poetic".
They looked up "man-eating wolves", just to see if there was anything else that could be of use to them, based on precedence. Sure enough, there were previous cases of serial man-killers of the lupine breed, but mostly from Europe, especially France.
"Huh?" Ryan noted. "Those French all have weird tastes, don't they? The humans eat frog legs, while the wolves there really prefer little children over deer. Maybe One Eye's an ex-patriot from Paris?" he joked.
"Those were mostly werewolves." Lucy insisted, in a tone that betrayed fascination. "There were countless witch and werewolf trials during the Middle Ages, where werewolves were caught while in their human form, restrained and interrogated through brutal torture, like having their feet dipped in boiling oil or being flayed alive, so they would confess to being werewolves."
"Ouch." Ryan cringed. "And they say the French Revolution was messy."
"They were, and following their own admission, all those werewolves were then burned at the stakes. Some accounts say that they gained their powers by making a pact with the devil, just like Faust, but the devil gave them magic wolf pelts that allowed them to morph into wolves and stalk the night, mostly preying on small children and young, attractive women."
"Kind have a feeling those were a different kind of predator." Ryan snarked, the meaning of his statement flew over Lucy's head, who was too enthralled by the werewolf mythos.
She showed him records of wolf attacks from the 17th and 18th century, including alleged man-eaters who killed many victims. One particular culprit showed up a lot in the results.
"What's that? Beast of Ge…Gave..Gava…"
"The Beast of Gevaudan, one of the most notorious werewolves in history. He killed over 300 people before finally being hunted down and shot dead by a silver bullet. That's when we first learned that silver was their Achilles heel." Lucy explained enthusiastically.
Ryan watched all the artistic depictions of the Beast. They clearly did not show a werewolf, but they did show a giant black wolf attacking helpless victims, biting their bloody heads or feasting on their mangled corpses. Watching these images gave Ryan goosebumps. The likeness to One Eye was uncanny. And disturbing.
"By Lawrence Talbot?" Ryan whistled. "It's the spitting image of that cur."
That got Lucy thinking. "Really? Maybe he's a reincarnation of the Beast!"
Ryan rolled his eyes, the kid sure had an active imagination. "If he is a werewolf, then we need to arm ourselves with silver."
"Sure….eh…whatever silverware you have lying around will suffice." Ryan continued humoring her before pointing at some food and drinks he brough, and placed on a small table in front of them. "Want to have a bite before go wolf hunting?"
"Why?"
"Well, we barely ate anything all day? Aren't ya hungry?" Ryan shrugged. "Why do it on an empty stomach? I'm starved. I brought us some warm milk and drum sticks."
Lucy shrugged unsuspectingly, her stomach was growling, so she took something to eat and drink, as did Ryan. He didn't tell her that the drum sticks were in fact turkey legs. They would have little effect on a big boy like him, but with a tired and unwitting kid like Lucy, he and his two cohorts hoped that it would have the desired effects.
Besides looking up werewolves and man-eaters, they also checked up on their old friend Lyle. Unsurprisingly, many online news outlets covered the strange event that transpired in the boring little town that was Royal Woods. Ryan and Lucy both had a good laugh after seeing Lyle's mugshots, with him being as bald as ever, and looking shitfaced. DUI offenders looked more dignified getting their pictures taken than he did.
"Lyle Leslie Owen?" Ryan sniggered. "Now we know why he's so intense."
"Yes, a middle name like this would drive anyone crazy." Lucy agreed.
All the outlets used many choice phrases.
"Caused unspeakable collateral damage."
"Blood tests show the use of unknown drugs with steroid-like qualities."
"Police are at a loss regarding where the boy obtained them?" Or more likely, they were too lazy to investigate. Whatever floated their boat.
But the two cited facts that truly warmed the two pale kids' hearts were "Boy claims to have no recollection of what happened." and "A reservation at juvenile hall almost guaranteed."
An hour later, Ryan tippy toed out of the room, watching Lucy, who was softly snoring while lying on her belly and resting her head in her arms.
"Did it work?" He jumped a little after hearing Lynn's soft whisper, and found her and Lincoln facing him in the unlit hall.
"Like a charm, she's sleeping like a cute little angel…. of death." Ryan assured them while making a sleeping gesture with his hands. "Eh….what about Einstein?"
"I'm here." Ryan was surprised to find Lisa with them. He hadn't noticed her small form in the dim light.
"We're ready to procced." Lincoln told him, much to Ryan's surprise.
"You're on-board with this?" he asked Lisa incredulously.
"You don't know what I saw." Lisa told him grimly. "I agree with my brother than we cannot allow that….animal to run loose and harm more people. It's our, as Lincoln so eloquently puts it, civic duty as moral and sapient people to eliminate this beastly threat."
"She ain't any more eager to do this than we are." Lynn folded her arms, glancing at the genius. "But I don't know what she's so worried about, her task is pretty much just to be mission control."
"We agreed to do this in a safe environment, where did you say that would be?" Lincoln asked.
"I'll show you." Lisa gestured for them to follow her into her room. After exchanging glances, the three did so.
Without a word, Lisa pulled out a familiar remote and opened a large blue portal, motioning for the others to follow her as she walked through it.
Tentatively, the three followed her and stepped out on the other side, where they found themselves in a large, poorly-lit room that looked like a lab, had some dusty lab equipment lying around and a lot of unpacked boxes.
"Where the hell are we?" Lynn asked with disbelief.
"I have so many questions?" Ryan looked around.
"It's an abandoned underground observatory I planned to repurpose into my personal lab, safe from the chaos of my own home, but I got derailed." Lisa explained.
"That just raises so many more questions." Ryan said suspiciously while also noticing a huge telescope with a small seat positioned on a platform that could be raised.
"It's unimportant, as I plan to detonate it soon." Lisa shrugged.
"What?" Lynn squinted.
"You want to blow it up?" Lincoln looked unnerved.
"After we finish what we started." Lisa countered. "Now, I believe you wished to pay a visit to the nearest slaughterhouse?"
Sure enough, they didn't get any sleep that night, as they made a few stops around town to "borrow", as Ryan put it, some essentials, one item being from a slaughterhouse's freezer, the other, cyanide. It disturbed Lincoln that Lucy knew so much about poisons, and which ones were the most lethal and fastest-acting, which Lisa, also somewhat surprised, confirmed as fact. Lucy did contribute to their mission indeed.
Ryan started singing some annoying song he came up on the spot as they used syringes to pump their gift to One Eye with an additional flavor, and worse still, Lynn joined him. Lincoln tried hard to tune them out and not to vomit from handling a dead pig.
"One Eye tried to eat us, but all's gonna be well. Cuz we'll feed him poisoned ham and send the cur to doggy hell! Bye bye, One Eye. Bye bye, One Eye!"
It didn't take much time to accomplish that. Once the pig was prepared and they were suited up, it was time to go to back to Bearpaw Hill, the part all three were dreading.
"You weren't kidding, the view is indeed breathtaking." Ryan noted as he looked over the horizon. He could see the town as well as the sun just starting to rise above lake Michigan.
"Focus." Lincoln hissed. "And keep your voice down. He might hear us."
They were atop the last place they wanted to be, One Eye's boneyard of a home. The crisp morning air combined with the smell of pine needles was refreshing, and the surrounding forest might have been a beautiful sight, if not for its unruly resident.
Lincoln still couldn't believe he agreed to this. It was insane, but they had to do something about it. Once more, being a hero entailed putting your life on the line, without any compensation, including acknowledgement for your deed. They did take every possible precaution though.
They were dressed in camo jackets and cargo pants, beanies and football-esque paint under their eyes. Lynn was already wearing the proper headgear to begin with. On top of that, at Ryan's suggestion, they all smeared themselves with mud, to reduce their scent. Ryan definitely knew a thing or two about how animals thought, given that he was a self-proclaimed outdoorsman and survivalist.
"Relax. He won't hear us from above." Lynn tried to reassure her brother. "And the portal is right there." She pointed at the blue portal hovering just behind them and producing a humming sound.
"He has a point, we are practically deaf compared to what doggos can hear." Ryan pointed out. "But we've come prepared, remember? You got your pepper spray?"
"I didn't let go of it once." Lincoln nodded curtly.
"And you have your dog whistle." Ryan asked Lynn, who also nodded.
"And I have my authentic grizzly roars ready to play." he held up a voice recorder. As far they knew, bears were the only thing One Eye feared. That audio trick saved Ryan's hide once.
"But I don't think that will be necessary, cuz we have the high ground." Ryan quipped.
"Don't celebrate prematurely." Lincoln reminded him.
"Let's not." Lynn agreed. "Let's just haul this bacon, drop it and be done with it." She wanted to get out here just as much as her little brother, but no way would she admit it to him.
Her and Ryan grabbed the would-be suckling pig by its hind and forelimbs and lifted it, with Lincoln trying to hold on to its sides. Lincoln tried one more not vomit, considering he was handling a dead, gutted and icy cold corpse. Together, they carried it, carefully moving over the rocky terrain, until they reached a flat boulder overseeing the ground below.
"One…two…" Ryan said as they swung it back and forth.
"Just do it." Lincoln said impatiently.
"Spoilsport." Ryan snorted as they tossed the bacon and it hit the ground with a loud thud, causing a small dust cloud.
"How do we know he's even here?" Lynn asked suddenly, sweat running down her forehead.
"He'll be here, I know it." Ryan said, more to himself than anyone.
"I don't see him…" Lynn noted "…let's…let's just go."
"Better be safe than sorry, Freckles." Ryan told as her as he crouched down. The other two reluctantly followed, hiding themselves behind the rocky ledge as much as possible, with only their heads and hands sticking out. So far, so good.
But still no sign of activity. Every passing second felt like an eternity. It was nerve-wracking.
"Come…come on…" Ryan thought anxiously. "Show yourself."
Suddenly, a loud, reverberating growl echoed from the cavern, making the kids halt their breath.
One Eye stepped out of the cave, some 15 feet below them. The wolf narrowed his eye and let out a teeth-clenched growl before sniffing the air. The siblings grew nervous, but Ryan was confident that he hid their scent well. One Eye surveyed the area until he spotted the pig and walked up to it.
"Score. So long, cur." Ryan thought with glee.
One Eye approached the corpse cautiously, before giving it a whiff. It was gutted and just lying there, no sign of other animals, it just appeared out of the blues. And something about its scent was defiantly off. The wolf narrowed his good eye. Just how stupid did those hairless apes take him for? And they might still be close by?
"He's just sniffing it." Lynn whispered to Ryan.
"Of course he is, he's inspecting it. But he'll eat it, he won't be able to resist a free meal." Ryan insisted.
"SCREECH!" The kids jolted and saw a large, black bird swoop over them. They crawled back and looked up, seeing several turkey vultures circling above them.
Ryan looked down and saw the wolf raise his head and look around.
"Damn snitches in the sky." Ryan hissed and turned to the other, as they all jumped to their feet. "Abort mission! Our cover's blown, let's get out of here." He pointed his thumb at the portal.
Lincoln looked unsure. "But how will we know-"
They all screamed and stumbled back as One Eye's gaping jaws came into view. But gravity pulled the large wolf back down and he dug his front claws into the rock, scraping them against it and digging his hind paws into the rocky cliff.
"Don't want to step on any preverbal toes." Ryan said anxiously as he stomped the wolf's right paws, making him yelp and causing him to lose his grip. "But we gotta cut this reunion short."
While the wolf tried to regain his footing, the trio all made a mad dash through the portal, all falling into a pile in Lisa's lab. The genius was there, holding the remote.
"RAWRRRR!" was heard from the other side.
"Mission accomplished! Close it! Close it!" Lynn yelled at the genius, and Lisa did just that. The portal closed and the trio all sighed in relief.
"I guess the death ray won't be necessary." Lisa figured and pressed a remote, causing they big ray looming over where the portal used to be to get craned back up.
"T-told you it would work." Ryan said in a shaky voice as he got up and dusted himself.
Lynn wanted to smack him, but she was too busy resting on her knees and trying to control her breathing.
Lisa approached them. "I trust your mission was…successful?"
Lincoln also tried catching his breath. "We….we never saw him eat anything."
"He'll eat it." Ryan insisted. "We pumped that piggy with so much poison, a nibble oughta do him in."
"I hope those buzzards have a turn too…" Lynn grunted. "I really, really hate snitches!"
"Are you sure?" Lincoln asked the other boy.
"I'm absolutely, positively sure." Ryan insisted. "He won't pass up a chance at a free meal, not like he knows it's poisoned. Wolves might be wily, but they are still only animals."
Hearing that, Lisa wanted to argue, being reminded of what she saw the other day. But Ryan was right? Logic dictated that animals, even the smartest of animals had much more limited cognitive abilities than Homo sapiens? Her terrified mind must have been playing a trick on her in the moment. It was just a passing glimpse that she could easily be misremembering.
"Are you okay?" she heard her brother's voice.
"Huh…sure…" Lisa said tentatively. "And…I agree with what Ryan said, animals can't fathom such concepts as poisoned bait. His plan is sure to succeed."
"Nobody likes a suck-up, Lizzie." Ryan shot her a disdainful look.
"I helped you with your civic duty." Lisa took on a bolder tone. "You can't dismiss that?"
"We admit, your crazy invention came in handy…this time." Lynn told her, not wanting to praise her, but having enough decency not to scold her either, since it was her invention that made this possible.
"Maybe if you can also beam Lyle, Kathleen and that reporter lady to Mars, you'll be atoned." Ryan suggested, semi-seriously.
"Knock it off, will you?" Lincoln told him tiredly.
"I'm just trying to make the world a better place." Ryan retorted with faux-indignity.
"What's this?"
They all jumped as they saw Lucy suddenly standing among them, holding a silver spoon.
"Lucy?" Lisa was besides herself. "How….how did you find my secret compound-"
"Never being noticed has its perks." The goth said cryptically before pointing at the other big, glowing portal. "And that thing is hard to miss."
She turned to the older kids. "You went without me, why?" she asked, visibly hurt.
They boys looked away nervously, fiddling with their fingers and starting to sweat. Lynn had no such reservations.
"Because this crap was dangerous, and there was no room for a little brat to slow us down." She said bluntly.
"Lucy, what Lynn is trying to say is…" Lincoln started. "She means this was dangerous and we didn't want you to get hurt."
"Exactly." Ryan came closer to her, giving her a rarely seen look of sincerity. "We didn't want to drag you into danger."
"But you promised."
"We promised jack." Lynn stepped in. "We said we would get rid of One Eye and how. We never said who would venture into the field and do it. You told us which poison to use. Consider that your contribution."
"Lying by omission…" Lucy said bitterly.
"Lucy….. she's right." Lincoln placed a hand on her shoulder. "There was nothing glamorous about this, this was insane and dangerous, but we had to do it. We we're just trying to protect you."
"Yeah, now that it's over we can all breathe in piece." Ryan patted her head. "We won't need to fear that mutt ever again." For his kind words, he had a spoon flung at his face.
"I know those were turkey legs." Lucy glanced away in silent anger. Lincoln wanted to kick himself. His little sister wanted to be involved so much, she couldn't see the danger behind this kind of stuff. But saying that would just upset her more.
Lisa pitied her brother. She wished she could end this awkward tension. Actually? She had just the way to do it.
She cleared her throat as she pulled another remote from her pocket. This one just had a big red button.
"I'd hate to cut this conversation short, but we should be heading back home. This instant."
"What are you talking about?" Lincoln turned to her.
"I promised myself that I would self-detonate this place after it served its purpose." Lisa explained. "Now that the carnivoran with a penchant for hominid flesh has been dealt with…" she pressed the red button and suddenly the alarm went off and the compound flashed red.
The others looked around in a panic as a female computer voice was heard saying, "Self-destruct sequence has been activated. You have two minutes left to evacuate. Thank you, for visiting Lisa Loud's secret laboratory."
"Why you little…" Ryan growled.
"Forget it! Let's get out of here!" Lincoln shouted, and they all jumped through the portal, Lucy doing so with crossed armed and a very peeved look.
Once they were all in Lisa's room again, she swiftly pressed her remote and closed the portal. Almost immediately after that, they heard a boom in the distance. Lincoln walked up to the window and saw a pile of smoke rising in the far distance from a small hill.
"That place was uninhabited, right?" he asked nervously.
"Yes. The explosion was 50 feet below ground. And the walls were made from titanium, which should have contained the blast. Worst case scenario, it will cause a mild shockwave." Lisa explained, just as their house shook for a second and then stopped.
"Worst case scenario it was." Lisa adjusted her glasses.
"Were you trying to blow us all to smithereens!?" Ryan snapped.
"I seem to recall you calling me a menace? I thought destroying the would-be largest containment of my scientific achievements would please you?" she said coolly.
Ryan wanted to retort, but he found himself plopping on his butt on Lisa's bed, as he tried to collect himself. "Sweet Jesus…" he grumbled.
Lucy turned around without a word, opened door and stormed off.
"Lucy?" Lincoln went after her but Lynn grabbed him by the arm.
"Let her go, she needs to cool off."
Lincoln sighed. She was right. He just hoped Lucy would remember that this wasn't the time for petty squabbles. As the sun rose again today, the day of reckoning was closer than ever. Actually, it was…Lincoln counted inwardly. Oh, no…
"I don't want to be brash…" Lisa spoke up "…but could I please ask you to leave my room. I have some errands to take care of. No dangerous experiments, just errands."
"I'm all for it." Ryan grunted and got up. "Let's get away from this living disaster area." He marched out of the room. Lynn followed him and so did Lincoln, but he stopped and looked back at Lisa.
"Lis…thanks for helping us deal with…y'know." He said awkwardly before scowling. "But next time, tell us before you decide to detonate the damn place that we are standing in."
Lisa just nodded. Her brother rubbed his forehead and walked out.
Now alone, she sighed. "You won't have to worry about that again." She said sullenly, before walking over and opening a drawer to pick up a certain blueprint.
"Ever again."
In the hall, the three all stopped and shuddered. Another brutal death narrowly avoided.
"I swear, that egghead is going to be the death of us." Lynn grumbled.
"What are we going to do about her?" Ryan asked. "She's still dangerous, even when she's trying to be cautious."
"We'll think about her in due time, guys." Lincoln told them. "But we've got to focus on the main prize. You know what day it is?"
Ryan and Lynn looked at each other. "Eh…June 27th?" the girl guessed, then it hit her. "Oh, shit…"
"Yes, we got today and tomorrow, and the day after that is…."
"The day of reckoning." Ryan realized. "The date your home is due to be demolished."
"It's that close now?" Lynn asked worriedly.
"Are you ever going to tell me what that was?" Ryan asked. "Some people are still nagging the author about it, failing the see the point behind the mystery?"
"Focus, Ryan. How it happened isn't important, what is important is that we leave no room for it to happen again, in any way, shape or form." Lynn told him.
"You know what that means, Lynn? We've talked about it." Lincoln elaborated. "We need to evict all our sisters from this house on that day."
"Yes, all eight of them." Lynn nodded. "Well, not Lucy. She's helping us, unless she's too sulky to comply."
"She will, Lynn." Lincoln said firmly. "Lucy knows better than anyone that keeping your emotions in check for a greater good is necessary. She just needs time to cool off."
"Well that was really embarrassing." Lori grumbled, making her father in the backseat shrink with shame.
"Lori, keep your eyes on the road." A crabby Rita reprimanded her.
"I'm not stupid, mom. I can like totally drive and talk at the same time!" Lori insisted. "And if it weren't for dad-"
"Lori, it's not his fault for what happened, that could happen to anyone. There won't be any further discussion until we reach home. There's going to be some big changes coming." Her mother said sternly.
Lynn Sr. was happy that his wife was defending him, at least he thought so. It was her car, which she had paid for with her own money before she even married him, and now she had lost it. And it was all his fault. He had been so caught up bickering with his daughter that he forgot to close the driver door and he left the keys in.
"Oh, right? The little ones will be swapping roommates, big whoop." Lori rolled her eyes. "Only took you this long to figure out that Lynn and Lana would be a better match than Lynn and Lucy?"
"Well, that and starting up my restaurant that my own family will be banned from." The father thought regretfully.
"If it was that obvious, why didn't you ever bring it up?" Rita countered.
"Doy! It's not my problem. Me and Leni work just fine. Honestly, I couldn't imagine bunking with anyone else. And she agrees, since she didn't want to swap."
Rita rolled her eyes, deciding to end the conversation. "Just get us back home in one piece, I had enough excitement."
The road they were driving on was parallel to a cliff, and Lynn noticed a small lookout post for tourists, not far away.
"Honey, maybe we could take a pit stop and take in the scenery?" he suggested. "To get your mind off things?"
"No, Lynn." The surly Rita retorted. "We're not paying Renee anymore overtime."
Lynn slouched. "Sure, dear. You're absolutely right."
"Could have been worse, mom." Lori said. "At least nobody nabbed my car." She said proudly, tapping the door. "And let's be real, your car was old hat anyway, mine's brand new. Not like we traded down."
Her statement made Rita clench her fist. "Yes, my old car. The one I had to pay for with my own money. By working as a waitress for a year, while going through college….and babysitting…..and by working as a convenience store clerk every Tuesday and Sunday."
Lori gave her an odd look. "I mean, I had to pay for my car, Lori. It wasn't handed over to me by a rich friend that came out of the blue, so forgive me for feeling just a tiny bit attached to that "old car"." Her mother explained with barely-contained sarcasm.
"That's the thing, mom. I know people." Lori retorted casually.
This irked Lynn a bit. "Alright, listen here, young lady. I think you're missing the point your mother is trying to get across?"
Rita glanced back at him, and so did Lori, who frowned. "Can it, dad! You're in no position to lecture anyone about cars after-"
Something smashed into the hood of Lori's car and bounced off it. Startled, the teen steered the car off the road, zigzagging it through the forest.
"Lori, get away from the trees!" Rita yelled, as the car shook on the bumpy ground. "Hit the-"
Too late, as they collided with a large pine tree. Lucky for the mother and daughter, the rather oversized safety airbags activated just in time, and they were sparred any harm. They and Lynn stumbled out of the car, shaken but otherwise fine.
"What the hell was that!" Lori screeched and looked around frantically, trying to process just what happened. "Are…a-are you guys alright?"
"I think so.." Rita exhaled and looked at her husband, who looked stunned but unharmed.
"Lynn?"
"I…I'm, f-fine, h-honey." He tried to laugh and gave her a shaky thumbs up.
"MY CAR!" Lori cried, as she saw its hood smashed in and the registration plate and headlights hanging loosely by some wires, with some smoke coming from beneath the hood.
"No! My car! My beautiful new car!" Lori dropped on her knees and hugged the damaged hood, all prior shock seemingly gone. Tears poured down her cheeks.
"I think she's unharmed, Rita." Lynn said tiredly, trying to collect himself.
"I told you to keep your eyes on the damn road, you reckless idiot! Now look what you did!" Rita snapped, yelling at her daughter with unadulterated fury. It actually made Lori shrink.
"I didn't know…" Lori's vigor was gone and she spoke meekly. "I didn't think…"
"Of course you didn't think, that's why we crashed!" her mother yelled. "God, you're so…so…ugh!"
"I'm what?" Lori snapped. "Like it was my fault that thing jumped out of nowhere? It came out of the blue!"
Rita turned around and walked away a few feet. Lynn followed her. "Rita, please try to calm down." He said gently. "The important thing is that we're all unharmed."
"Dad, what was that?" Lori spoke up, looking for backup, and asked. "It came out of nowhere, I swear."
Lynn tried to remember. "I caught a glimpse of it. It looked light-brown and…"
"She hit a freaking deer, that's what happened!" an enraged Rita deduced. "That's what happens when you don't keep your eyes on the damn road, Lori." Lori glowered at her.
Rita exhaled and looked around, seeing no sign of whatever they ran into. "Must have limped off."
"I'm not sure that was a deer?" Lynn replied. "Call me crazy…but I thought it came from above?"
Rita gave him an annoyed look, causing him to take a step back. "But then again, it was just a glimpse, probably my mind playing tricks on me." The man held his hands up defensively.
After collecting herself, Rita looked at the damaged car. "We've got to get back home. See if it can still drive." She said simply, or rather gave a direct order.
"Right, good idea, Rita." Lynn agreed. "Lori, let's see the damage. And, honey? You…eh just sit down on a rock or something and take a deep breath, arguing won't get us anywhere now."
Rita reluctantly agreed and gave her husband and oldest daughter space as they inspected the damage.
But just as they started inspecting, the family heard rustling in the bushes. The father and daughter looked up and grew nervous, while Rita looked at where the sound was coming from. They heard sniffing and soon enough, a large grayish figure came into view, sniffing the ground.
Lynn panicked. "W-w-w-w-w-w-…." He stammered in a squeaky, gasping voice. The wolf noticed them and lowered his head, looking at them with piercing yellow eyes.
Lynn let out a high-pitched yelp and hid behind his wife, while Lori ducked behind the car.
"Lynn, stay calm." Rita told him and grabbed a pine branch off the ground, before flailing it in the air, shouting, "Get lost! Shoo! Get out of here!"
The wolf turned tail and ran away. Lynn sighed with relief, while Lori peeked from behind the car.
"Lynn, stop being a drama queen. We weren't in any danger." Rita insisted tiredly. "Everyone knows wolves are more afraid of us than we are of them."
"I…I know, Rita, but still?" her husband tried to save face. "T-there are always exceptions, aren't there?"
"I gotta side with dad here." Lori admitted. "That was literally terrifying."
"Then let's get that car working before something really scary shows up, like a bear." Rita tried to motivate them and pointed up. "I'm sure that hill is called Bearpaw Hill for a reason."
That was all the persuasion Lynn and Lori needed to help Rita get the car working as fast as possible.
Not far away, the wolf watched them from a safe distance before he caught the scent of something more enticing. The scent of fresh meat.
Lynn yawned. "Man, I'm so tried, I can't even fall asleep." She and the boys walked down to the kitchen, after getting cleaned up and changing back into their regular clothes. They were all groggy and their eyes were hurting.
"A glass of water oughta help." Ryan suggested. "Once you are replenished, fatigued comes a lot quicker."
"We can't be asleep…" Lincoln yawned "…too long, have to look out for sisters."
"A few hours of sleep can't hurt." Lynn told him curtly. "And I don't think any of them will be causing trouble now. Luna and Luan are wrecks, Lola's with Kathleen, Lori is with mom and dad and-Renee?"
They were all shocked to see their babysitter at the kitchen table, in the exact same position she had been last night. Even the way she held on to her empty tea cup looked the same. As before, the teen didn't seem to register their presence.
"You didn't get a wink of sleep, did ya?" Ryan asked her with a sneer.
"Meh…" Renee responded. Her eyes looked bloodshot but at least she was blinking now.
That's when they heard the sizzling and the smell of….
"Is there something burning?" Lynn took a whiff. They then noticed all the steam that was building up around the ceiling.
"Good morning, guys!" Leni waved cheerfully at them with her free hand while handeling a frying pan. "I got up early so I decided to surprise you by making breakfast for everyone!"
No sooner did she say that, a huge fire erupted from the frying pan an inch behind her. Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan yelped, and former ran and grabbed a fire extinguisher.
"Move it!" he shoved the teen aside and sprayed foam all over the pan, extinguishing the fire.
"You let her do this!" Lynn yelled at Renee, who just uttered another "meh."
"That was a close shave….." Lincoln panted and wiped the sweat from his forehead, his heart pounding rapidly.
Lynn seethed. "Are you trying to kill…." Her face fell as she noticed the edge of Leni's hair being ablaze.
"Try what?" the blonde asked before smelling some smoke. "Do you guys smell something?"
Gasping, Lincoln quickly sprayed foam on the back of her head, extinguish it too.
"My hair! Linky? Why did you do that?" the crestfallen Leni looked at him.
"Because your hair was smoldering, idiot!" Lynn snapped at her.
"I told you, guys!" Ryan stepped up and pointed at the blonde. "This crazy broad is out to get us! If we hadn't been up, she would have burned the house down!"
"Broad? Oh, no!" Leni looked at her hips. "Did I gain weight!"
"Enough games, tutz!" Ryan interrogated her. "What's your angle?"
Leni blushed and giggled impishly. "Oh, you charmer. I'm not that pretty. You're going to make Lynn jealous."
Lynn facepalmed.
"Leni!" Lincoln spoke up, trying to keep his cool. "What did dad tell us about making breakfast? Or dinner? Or supper?"
"Eh…that we should leave it to him and only him?"
"Yes!" Lynn said irritably. "And there's a good reason for that rule. None of you blockheads can cook, myself included!"
Leni's brow fell. "But he's not here? There was nobody here to make breakfast." She leaned down and whispered to them. "And I think Renee's not feeling well, she's just standing there and didn't say a word to me."
"My sister is not your concern." An irate Ryan grunted. "But I don't blame her for trying to ignore you."
"But I think she has gone blind, and deaf. And her hair is a mess? She didn't even notice me, not even when I spoke to her, and waved at her, and jumped up and down to gain her attention, like this."
"Hey! Hey, Renee! Do you see me now!" she started jumping and waving in place.
"Leni, she's not sick." Lincoln tried to explain to her. "She's just…she's just upset."
"Upset?" Leni cupped her face in shock. "The poor thing. Why? Did her boyfriend dump her via text message? OMG! Only a total jerk would do that? I'd be totes devastated if that happened to me."
"She's doesn't have a boyfriend, you nimrod." Ryan retorted. This bimbo was really grinding his gears.
"She doesn't?" Leni looked even more shocked. "Is that's why she's so sad?" Then she suddenly smiled and pressed hands together, doing a small clap. "Cuz I can totes help her. I know a lot of cute guys at school who are also single!"
Ryan couldn't help but laugh bitterly. "I'd like to see you try. She'd eat all of them alive!"
"Morning, blokes…." A tired voice entered the conversation, as a disheveled Luna staggered into the kitchen. Once her eyes fell on Renee, she screamed and ducked for cover behind her siblings.
"Please, don't hurt me!" she cried, shielding her head with her hands. "I've been good!"
"Luna, will you stop acting like a dingdong!" Lynn groaned. "She's isn't going to hurt you!"
"Yeah, take a chill pill." Ryan rolled his eyes. "In case you haven't noticed…" he pointed at his sister "…she's currently going through an existential crisis."
"That's code for her not having a boyfriend." Leni whispered to the rocker. "We need to find her one to cheer her up. She'll be so happy."
Lynn snapped her head back in exasperation before tapping the blonde on the shoulder. "Leni? There's something I've been meaning to tell you. Something important."
Leni smiled attentively. "Sure, Lynn. What is it?"
"Hate to be blunt, sis." The jock shrugged before pointing at her sandals. "But your shoes? They are so tacky."
"What?" Leni's faced dropped.
"You heard me. Read my lips" Lynn smirked before repeating said word in slow motion. "Tacky."
Leni gasped and her eyes welled up with tears. She ran away from them and upstairs, sobbing uncontrollably. They soon heard a door being slammed shut.
"Finally." Lynn sighed in relief. "That should keep her sobbing in her room for a few hours at least."
"Lynn!" Lincoln gave her a scolding look.
"Sorry, bro. But I couldn't take her idiocy for another minute. It was giving me a migraine."
"You sneaky little thing." Ryan bumped her in the arm. "You've been holding out on me?"
"It was nothing." She smirked.
Ryan cracked his neck and sighed as well. "Man, I forgot how great it was having her locked up in a deep, dark hole and out of my hair."
"What do you mean she's having an existential crisis? Renee?" the terrified Luna stood up. "Don't play with me, dude."
"I'm not, duuude." Ryan replied mockingly. "She really is an emotional wreck. You are in no danger of a pounding or another time-out."
"But seriously though?" he added idly. "Are you trying to be a surfer chick or a Liverpool reject? Pick a side, braaaahhhh….."
"He's not joking, Luna. She really won't hurt us." Lincoln placed a hand on the rocker's shoulder.
"But at least she doesn't lip-sink!" Ryan huffed, causing Luna to look at him oddly. "Eh…I mean, at least she is not a poser!" Still nothing.
He turned to Lynn. "Pssstttt….do you know any magic word that will send her packing back to her room as well? What do musicians hate the most?"
"Sorry, no clue." Lynn shrugged.
"Shot." Ryan snapped his fingers. Luna scowled.
"Guys, don't be so harsh on her." Lincoln tried to ease the tension. "She did spend 24 hours locked in the bunker."
"Serves her right." Lynn scoffed. "That's what she gets for bailing on us when we needed help, all for her precious Sammy." She added while putting her hand below her chin and batting her eyelashes girlishly. Ryan sniggered.
"Put a cork in it, Lynn!" Luna shot back. "Not like you get it! And I don't get why you are wearing that dorky beanie all of a sudden?"
"What did you say?" Lynn clenched her fists, but the rocker turned her back on them and walked towards the fridge.
"She sure is intense." Ryan elbowed Lincoln in the ribs. "She has it worse for that Sam chick than Clint does for you."
"It's Clyde." Lincoln shoved his elbow away. "And she's not…" Actually, now that he thought about it, Luna sure was a little obsessed with Sam? He too became upset when he couldn't meet his friends, but he never threw a fit over it. Not this much anyway.
An idea hit Lynn like a battering ram. "Crazy idea, guys? But do you think Luna has a thing for Sam?" she asked tentatively. The boys looked at her weirdly.
"A thing?" Lincoln squinted.
"Y'know…..as in a romantic thing?"
"She what now?" Ryan gave her a puzzled look.
"Lynn, get out of here." Lincoln tried to laugh it off, but part of him couldn't shake off the feeling that Lynn's crazy theory had some merit.
Ryan looked at the rocker, who was grabbing a carton of juice and a glass, and framed her with his fingers. Now that he examined every bit of her appearance and demeanor, things were starting to add up. He felt like they had just solved a riddle by combining all the clues that were dispersed through the story.
"Hmmm…." He started thinking. "Butch haircut? Grungy punk rock clothes? Spiky bracelets? Deep voice? Huh?" he rubbed his chin before smirking at the girl. "Lynn? You might be on to something?"
"Yeah? I didn't even consider that?" Lynn raised an eyebrow, trying not to snigger. "That….when you put it like that? That actually fits together too perfectly."
"What are you suggesting?" Lincoln asked them, when Luna passed by them with a glass of juice.
Ryan and Lynn covered their mouths and snickered, causing her to give them an odd look before disappearing.
"Guys, this is not funny." Lincoln scolded them. "And you are jumping to conclusions."
"I dunno. There's plenty to go by. But you might have a point, bro." Lynn shot him a finger gun. "Hey, Ryan? Wanna ninja our way into her room and borrow her diary? That's sure to confirm it or disprove it?"
"Good idea, teen girls always keep diaries. Even Renee, but that jerks writes it in French so I can't extort her with it."
"Guys, you can't just invade her personal space. And we have no real evidence for your crazy theory." Lincoln argued. "And even if she is, what's wrong with that?"
Ryan and Lynn gave him odd looks. "Is that a trick question?" the former asked while pointing at him.
"Hey, nabbing her diary could be of use, Linc." Lynn pointed out. "If she is crushing on Sam, we could use that to get rid of her on the big day."
"There are better ways, Lynn-"
"But this would be fool-proof!" Lynn insisted, before growing a devious smile.
"Imagine this, Luna gets a letter saying "Yo, Luna? I want to meet you, alone, far away from your home. I've been doing some thinking and I think I'm really into you. I want to meet in private and do all sorts of hot lesbo things with you. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Sam Sharp." Hook, line and sinker!" Lynn said while making a snatching motion.
"Lynn!" Ryan grinned ear to ear. "That's so diabolical, it's ingenious! We should totally do that."
But Lincoln looked appalled. "No! No! No! That's a terrible idea. It's cruel and emotionally manipulative!"
"But it is effective." Ryan countered confidently.
"No! It's just cruel….and… and NO lesbo would ever say "I wanna do hot lesbo things with you"! Get serious? She'll see right through it!" he told his sister while making air quotes before taking a pause and clutching his head in embarrassment. "Aghh! Now you have me talking like this."
"I guess you're right." Lynn rubbed her chin. "We need to study up on faggot lingo to be convincing? You think Mr. and Mr. McBride could give us some pointers there?"
Lincoln facepalmed and dragged his hand across his face.
The door suddenly opened and in came Albert with his suitcase. "Hello, familia!"
"Pop-Pop?" the siblings were surprised.
"You're here already?" Lincoln asked.
Albert chuckled. "What did you expect? When I promise something, I promise something."
"I can see you're a man of your word." Ryan admitted.
"Are your parents here already?" Albert quickly asked.
"No, they are still on the road….we think?" Lynn answered.
"They are? Well, then, that gives us ample time to get our story straight. Now, I've thought of a few things to-"
"Actually, that won't be necessary." Lincoln told him. "When I told you we had things covered, I wasn't exaggerating."
"Yeah, Renee is all healed up." Lynn added before pointing at the kitchen, where the latter still sat. "Can't say the same about her spirit though."
"She is?" Albert raised an eyebrow. "But how? You said she got pushed out of a window."
"She sure did, but one of Lisa's mad science experiments fixed her up last night." Ryan huffed. "Some kind of temporary super strength serum that can also heal all wounds."
"I'll be a monkey's uncle?" a stunned Albert put his hand on his forehead. "In my day we had sit out an injury for weeks but you kids can just use some miracle cure to heal broken bones over night? I feel so cheated."
"Well…it has side effects." Lynn said bashfully while rubbing her beanie-covered head.
"Well, either way." Albert smiled as he carried his small suitcase to the couch. "I'm glad to know Rita and Lynn will be able to return under more peaceful circumstances. You kids can get yourself in some serious trouble, but you also find some creative ways to weasel your way out of it."
Tired from his long walk, Albert exhaled as he sat down on the couch. Lincoln and Lynn walked over to him, looking uncomfortable. He still didn't know about the other bad news.
"Yeah…but I'm afraid some other stuff happened, which is why our folks had their delay." Lynn told him.
"What other stuff?" Albert grew worried. "Did something happen?"
"Nobody was hurt, but mom…" Lincoln rubbed his arm "….she kind of got carjacked."
"Someone stole her car?"
"Yeah, they were caught up in a gas station robbery and the crook used mom's car as an escape." Lynn explained.
Albert scowled. "Why that no-good hooligan!" he clenched his fist. "If I ever get my hands on him, I'll teach that punk a lesson just like with that would-be carjacker in Albuquerque!"
"Pop-Pop! You came!" Lana appeared out of nowhere and used Albert's stomach as a trampoline.
"Wow! Take it easy, kiddo!" Albert tried to laugh. "I'm glad to see you too."
"Finally! Something good!" Lana cheered. "These last two days were pure torture!"
She froze and started sniffing the air, before looking at Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan. She jumped off her grandfather's stomach and looked as them scrutinizingly.
"I know that smell!" she pointed at them. "I can't believe you played in the mud! And didn't invite me!"
"Lana, Lana, don't be ridiculous." Lynn lied. "We weren't playing in the mud, we…eh…had a dirt bike race in the yard? Yeah, that's what we did."
Lana gave her an odd look before glancing at her brother. "Lincoln too?" she asked skeptically.
"He was the referee!" Ryan raised his finger. "Too bad he got caught in the crossfire at the end. Your sister always has to be such a sore loser."
Lynn sent him a dirty glare but Lana seemed to buy it and shrugged. Albert was pretty sure the kids were fibbing to spare Lana's feelings, but then again, he didn't get a good look at the yard, or much of anything that wasn't a total blur, upon his arrival.
Soon, the rest of the siblings, including a sulky Lucy, arrived downstairs, and greeted their grandfather.
"Pop-Pop! I can't believe it!" Leni sported an expression that could only be described as an overjoyed anime character as she ran and glomped Albert.
"Heh! Good to see you too, Leni…eh you're suffocating me?" Albert said while patting her back.
Ryan gave Lynn an annoyed look. "Don't look at me like this, it's not my fault her attention span is getting worse."
Lucy wasn't in the mood for happy greetings as she just glanced at Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan sourly, before getting seated on the couch with her sisters, next to Luan. Lincoln still felt bad but said nothing, while Lynn just rolled her eyes as they also sat on the couch at the far right. Ryan just leaned next to them, looking aloof.
"Okay, listen, kids." Albert clapped his hands. "As much I would love to catch up on things, I must tell you that my visit isn't simply for a change of scenery."
The siblings glanced at each other, except for Lincoln, Lynn and Lucy.
"Now, I hate to dampen the mood, but you need to know that I came here because I wanted to talk about certain things with your parents, certain grownup things. So I would appreciate it if you could give us some room for that and not interfere. It's a delicate matter."
"Is this about the carjacking?" Luan asked Lucy.
Luna heard this. "What carjacking?" she asked out loud.
"Well, yes…" Albert confirmed. "There is that."
"Mom and dad got carjacked?" Luna asked, still trying to process that.
"What's "carjacking"?" Leni asked dumbly. "Are those some upgrades for your car to make it more fabulous?" she asked giddily, causing the others to groan and roll their eyes.
"The psycho finds it funny that her mom got robbed. Figures." Ryan narrowed his eyes at her.
"It's not just the carjacking, kids…" Albert said, but didn't know how to elaborate. He didn't want to cause a panic by being too upfront about it. "There are some other matters that would best be discussed in private between me and your parents, it's nothing too-" he accidently bumped into the tv.
"Ah, dang it!" he grumbled. "Who put that thing there?"
"Eh, Pop-Pop?" Lincoln spoke up. "Maybe you should put on your contact lenses while you're here?"
"Yeah, I don't think mom will be too happy if you knock down things, especially things that cost money." Lynn added.
"Ugh…fine." Albert reluctantly agreed and muttered under his breath as he rummaged through his luggage.
"Do you need help?" Luan asked.
"No, no, I know how to put on these blasted contraptions." Albert insisted as he placed the lenses on both eyes, wincing and tearing up both times. "I hate those things…" he grumbled inwardly.
But at least he could see more clearly now. He saw his grandchildren's familiar faces, all siting on the couch and…
Knowing what was coming, Ryan counted from three to one on his fingers.
"By Jove!" Albert jolted. Rolling his eyes, Ryan made a conscious effort not to smile too much, let alone show any teeth, knowing that freaked people out more.
"I know, I'm a special snowflake." He deadpanned while gesturing his hand below his chin. "My visage is a lot to take in."
"Oh…I…" Albert chuckled nervously. "I….I just didn't realize you were such a…eh…strapping young man. Say, L.J?" he tried to change the topic. "Eh…did you always wear that hat?"
Lynn wilted and held on to it. "Eh…no, it's new."
"Didn't you say something about our parents?" Lucy finally spoke. She knew what it was, but she was in no mood for dumb, idle chitchat.
"Yes! Yes, you're right, Lucy." Albert snapped his fingers. "I was just about to get to that-"
They all heard a car horn and Albert turned around. "Is that them?"
"Only one way to find out." Lincoln jumped off the couch and the others followed him. Once outside, what they saw was a surprise.
Accompanied by metal scrapping against the floor, thanks to a deformed license plate, Lori's heavily dented car arrived in the parkway.
Lynn Sr., who was still in the backseat, sighed with relief. "I don't think I've ever been this glad to be back home."
"You can say that again." Rita groaned in agreement before getting out and spotting an unexpected face. "Dad?!"
"Albert?" Lynn Sr. was just as surprised.
"Rita!" her father came to her with open arms and embraced her in a big hug. "Good to see you, baby girl! Hope you don't mind that I dropped by for a visit."
Rita didn't know what to say. "Eh..yeah, good to see you too? I just…."
"Didn't expect to see me?" Albert pulled back and laughed before his brow fell as he looked at the dented hood of the car. "I can guess why? You had a little adventure on the road?"
"That's…one way to put it." Lynn Sr. blushed bashfully and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Mom? What happened with Lori's car?" a shocked Lincoln came to inspect it.
Lucy did so too. "Looks like a classic vehicular accident. A car collision most likely." She deduced. "Must have been Lori's doing. Did you kill the other driver?" she asked the teen casually.
"Zip it, you pintsized Corpse Bride!" Lori snapped at the goth, making her flinch, before slamming the driver door shut and storming past her parents and grandparent.
"Hey, Pop-Pop." She just waved at him dismissively.
"Lori, that's not how you talk with your grandfather!" Rita put her hands on her hips.
Lori turned around sharply. "Back off, mom! I want to go to my room and be left alone! For a month!"
"Better use that time to go back to driving school." Ryan deadpanned to Luan.
Lori saw red and in a millisecond, seized him by the shirt and shook him like a madwoman. "SHUT UP, YOU LOUSY, SHIT-SUCKING CREEP!"
"Just-a-helpful-suggestion!" a startled Ryan retorted as he was being shook.
The rest of the family jumped in and separated them, with Rita and Albert restraining Lori.
"Lemme at him! Why is that little abomination still here!"
"Lori, clam yourself, or you'll be grounded!" Rita warned her.
"Fine by me! I don't want to look at any of you!" the teen shot back flippantly as she broke free.
"Lori." Lynn Sr. stepped between her and the others. "Ryan's here because his sister was appointed as your siblings' babysitter." Being reminded of her, Lynn Sr. gulped with dread and turned to the others.
"Where is she anyway?"
Rita looked at them too. The house was still in one piece and they all looked fine, except for Lynn's random new hat. That was a relief, but she knew from experiences that this kind of scene could just be the clam before the shit storm.
While Ryan collected himself and straightened his shirt, the siblings exchanged nervous glances.
"Renee?" Lincoln spoke. "She's in the house, but she's sorta-"
"I'm here."
Lucy and Luan jumped as Renee materialized to their left.
"Were you standing here this whole time!" Lucy clutched her chest, for once getting a taste of her own medicine.
"Who's that bum?" Lori asked, noticing the other teen's disheveled appearance.
Rita's first thought was that her kids had done something terrible to her, but Lynn Sr. was more worried about the money he owed her.
"Renee? Eh…I hope my kids weren't too much of a handful?" he chuckled nervously. "Now, about your money? I can't pay all of it right away, I'll have to-"
"You don't owe me a cent." She said sullenly, much to the father and mother's surprise.
"I did an insufficient job as your babysitter." She lifted up her contract. "I didn't deliver what I promised."
To everyone's shock, including Ryan's, she tore the contract apart and let its pieces fall on the lawn.
"Goodbye." Renee staggered away with her hands handing limply, before either Lynn Sr. or his wife could comment on it, but they were too stunned to say anything even as they watched her walk down the street.
"Okay? What did I miss?" Albert whispered to Lincoln. "She seemed pretty stern and no-nonsense last night?"
"It's a long story."
"Well…I…" Lynn Sr. was rendered speechless, but then the realization hit him and he smiled giddily. "I don't have to pay 400 dollars!" he jumped with joy but a glare from his wife put a halt to that.
Rita turned her glare to her kids, having a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She pointed at the front door. "The living room! Now! Family meeting!" she barked.
The kids, sans Leni, all grew worried. They had rarely seen their mother this mad. Gradually, one by one, they went back inside. This included Lucy, who ignored her teammates.
"Fine. But I'm literally doing this under protest." Lori huffed and followed them, with her arms folded.
Sighing exasperatedly, Rita turned to the one outsider present. "I'm sorry, Ryan." She said sternly. "But you'll have to go home. Now! This is a family meeting."
"But mom?" Lynn protested as her mother stormed away.
"It's okay, Lynn." Ryan patted her back. She looked at him and saw that his mind was elsewhere as he looked at the street.
"I think I should check on Renee and make sure she doesn't slit her wrists while she's home." He told them, trying to hide his worry.
Lynn and Lincoln winced. Was he just making a morbid joke or was he being serious?
"You kiddies can survive for a few hours without me?" he turned back to them, his trademark smirk returning ever so slightly.
"I think we'll manage." Lynn huffed jokingly and patted his arm.
"I have a sneaking suspicion none of us will be leaving the house for a while, so might as well enjoy your freedom." Lincoln said sardonically before forcing a small smile.
"And…eh…thank you."
"Thank you?" Ryan raised an eyebrow.
"For helping us with the volunteer work and….y'know, with the wolf issue."
"Oh…eh, nothing to it…Twinkle Toes."
"Are you two having a moment?" Lynn smirked.
"As if!" Ryan waved his hand. "You chuckleheads just watch yourselves. Especially if you see Blondy. I'm pretty sure she blew a fuse on the rose. MARCELINE!"
He called for his cat and she came and jumped off the porch. Ryan waved goodbye and went on his way, with Marceline following him. She stopped to burp before trotting after her owner.
Lincoln just hoped that she had raided the kitchen and not one of Lana's pet cages.
"LYNN! LINCOLN! INSIDE!" they heard their mother shout.
"C'mon, Linc. I think we need to stop the next disaster." Lynn said sardonically and put her arm around her brother as they went inside together.
Inside the parents' room, the siblings were sitting on the bed, sans Lori, who was just standing next to her parents with her arms crossed. Lynn Sr. looked nervous while Rita looked extremely pissed. Albert had been told by her to stay out of this and the old man knew better than to question his daughter when she was this ticked. That didn't stop him from grabbing a glass and using it to spy on his family with his good ear.
Rita was seething and tapped her foot. Seeing that their home hadn't in fact been wrecked soothed her just a little. A little.
"Alright, I want the full story! The real story." she said sternly. "Just what the hell happened while we were away? What did you do to that poor girl?"
The siblings all looked at her in shock. Lynn and Lincoln grimaced. Just how could they articulate the insanity that went down with Renee?
"Don't play games with us, kids." Lynn Sr. tried to match his wife's tone. "We saw how broken she was and she shredded her own contract. Just what did you do to reduce her to that state? Just what went down here?"
Luna, Lana and Luan all dropped their jaws, while Lynn and Lincoln fidgeted nervously.
"What did we do to her?!" Luna jumped to her feet. "That wanker is out of her freaking gourd! She's a tyrant! She terrorized us! She manhandled me and locked me up in the bunker for 24 hours!"
"Yes, she was horrible to us!" Lana cried. "She bullied us, treated us like slaves and took our phones away! She used my room as a gas chamber on me and Lola!"
"She tied me up and locked me in the closet!" Luan cried as well. "She's a nutcase I tell ya!"
Lisa fidgeted. "She wasn't a particularly nice person…" she said simply.
"She's evil!"
"She's a psycho!"
"Oh, she was wonderful! She just needs to get out of her shell some more." Leni clutched her hands joyfully, once more completely clueless to everything around her. "I'm totes adding her to my BBF list! Don't worry, she was just sad because she's single, I'm going to fix that." She waved her hand confidently. "I got it covered."
Their parents looked unmoved. Lynn Sr. gave them a saddened look before shaking his head, while Rita narrowed her eyes and clenched her fists.
Lori huffed. "Right, right, so you're saying she was basically a Nazi? Y'know, if you newbs want to weasel your way out of trouble, at least agree on a story that sounds plausible?"
"We're not lying! She really was like that!" Luna cried. "I was locked in the dark for 24 four hours! I repeat, 24 hours! Leni?! Back me up, bra?"
"What was that about a bunker?" Leni blinked. Her memory of it had mostly been overshadowed by her daydream about Chad.
Rita scowled. "Enough of that! Lying will get you nowhere!"
"She's right, kids." Her husband agreed. "You're not fooling anyone. This isn't the first time you broke a babysitter. Don't think we forgot the Hugh fiasco. You need to own up to it and tell the truth. Don't think I and your mother will go easy on you if you don't."
"Yes, otherwise you're just digging yourself deeper." Rita folded her arms.
"But we're telling the truth!" Lana cried. "Lynn? Lincoln? Tell them!"
The two remained quiet. Their minds raced. They didn't know what to say? Their siblings did suffer a lot at Renee's hands, but at the same time, their parents also had a very rough ride back home? Perhaps them thinking that their children had tortured their babysitter with their antics was the easier story to digest?
"Enough of this! I don't want to hear another word from your lying lips!" Rita barked. "I'm very disappointed in you all! We can't even leave you for a single day without you causing havoc and causing others grief! We even got complaints from Mr. Grouse that you wrecked his garden…for the umpteenth time!"
Lynn and Lincoln saw their father making eye contact with them, giving them an apologetic look, before nodding in agreement with his wife. "Yes, we are immensely disappointed."
"I'm surprised you held back enough NOT to leave our home in shambles." Rita continued exasperatedly before doing some breathing exercises. She continued in a calmer tone. "It's only because of that we are not going to ground you, but you can kiss all your privileges goodbye for a week."
"Yes, we agreed on this." Lynn Sr. nodded. "No tv and internet for a week."
"What?!" Luan gasped.
"That's not fair!" Lana cried.
"If you think that's not fair, wait until you hear the rest of it." Rita told them. "Lincoln? All your comics and video games will be confiscated for a week. Lynn? Same with all your sports equipment AND you won't be attending any sports events, I don't care how much your team needs you. Lucy? All your Vampires of Melancholia novels and DVDs? Confiscated."
"Whatever." Lucy crossed her arms, hardly caring about it, while Lynn and Lincoln just hung their heads in silence.
"Same for the rest of you." Lynn Sr. reluctantly continued. "Luna's music equipment? Luan's comedy props? Leni's….eh…fashion magazines? Confiscated for a week."
"What? You can't do that?!" Luan protested. "We're innocent! We swear!"
"Dude!" Luna was on the verge of crying. "I was a prisoner of the darkness for 24 hours, you can't do this to me!"
"Be quiet!" Rita scolded them. "Lana? All your gadgets will be taken too, and all your pets are going to the basement for a while. Don't worry, your father and I will provide them with food and water."
"No! You can't take them away!" tears welled up in the tomboy's eyes. "You can-"
"And Lisa?" Lynn Sr. turned to his youngest child, but then remembered something. "Wait? You said most of your inventions were destroyed in a lab explosion?" The genius just nodded.
"Then…eh…no inventing for a week, you hear me!"
"Fine by me." Lisa shrugged apathetically.
"But you said nothing about modifying already existing inventions." She told herself.
Realizing there was no walking away from this, Luna, Luan and Lana all calmed down and just glared at their parents, sporting looks of anger and betrayal.
"Wait a second?" Rita noticed someone's absence. "Where's Lola?"
"She's with Kathleen." Lucy answered apathetically. "She took her after Renee tried to strangle her for pushing her out of a window."
"Girls, we told you." Their father scolded them. "Be truthful!"
"She really is with Kathleen." Lincoln finally spoke. "Renee was…eh…that she let her escape."
"So she really is with Kathleen?" Rita asked him seriously. Her son, as well as Lynn both nodded.
Rita rubbed the bridge of her nose. "We'll call the Tisdales later."
"Unless their annoying assistants block our calls again." She thought angrily.
"Sucks to be you guys." Lori huffed while sporting a smirk. Her mother turned to her and quickly wiped that smirk off her face.
"You're not excluded, Lori. Your phone!" she reached out with her hand, much to Lori's horror.
"What?! Are you mad! I didn't do anything to that babysitter!" she pointed at herself. "I was with you the whole time!"
"Yes. And you almost killed us by driving into a tree!" her mother retorted angrily. "Now hand over the phone!"
"You can't make me!" Lori was steaming with anger.
"Lori! The phone!"
"NO! Leave me alone!" the teen turned around despite her mother's protests and pulled the door open.
This made Albert fall into the room, nearly dropping his glass and shattering it. Lori stormed past him, while the old man looked at the others and chuckled sheepishly.
"Oh, hey? I wasn't spying on you or anything." He insisted and stood up while hiding his glass behind his back.
"Dad!" Rita scolded him but gave in, being to worn out from her outburst. And she still needed to deal with Lori.
"Never mind! You're coming with me." She told him. "We're confiscating Lori's phone even if we have to bust the door open and pry it from her hands. Now come on!"
"Lynn? You'll be discussing the rest." She ordered her husband before dragging her father with her to deal with her eldest daughter, who had already slammed the door of her room shut and Rita and Albert hurried before a lock sound could be heard.
"Me?" Lynn Sr. tugged his collar nervously and turned to his kids. Luna, Luan and Lana looked particularly upset, their looks almost challenging him to say anything more. The father was hesitant to talk, while all of them heard Rita shouting and banging on a door.
"Dad? Why are mom and Lori so mad at each other?" Leni asked innocently, sporting a worried expression.
"I'll explain later." The father stammered. He tried to remind himself of what Lincoln and Lynn had told him. Be assertive. Take charge.
"But first things first. Now that your punishments have been established, there are some other things we need to discuss."
He took a deep breath. "Firstly, the good news. Me and your mother agree that you can swap roommates." His statement didn't elicit much of reaction, as his kids either looked upset, peeved, ashamed or apathetic.
Trying to keep his stern tone, he raised his finger. "You don't deserve it, but we think that in the name of avoiding more unnecessary infighting…" he paused and winced as he heard a door being busted open, followed by screams and yelling down the hall "…it…it's better to let your share your rooms with someone who agrees with you more."
"Whoopty-doo!" Luan slouched back and waved her index finger bitterly. The sounds of a struggle could still be heard down the hall.
"Anyway, so the new arrangements are Lynn and Lana, Lucy and Luan, and Lisa and Lola? And Leni stays with Lori? That's what you all mutually agreed on, am I correct?" He still couldn't believe the middle two parings.
They all jolted as Albert flew back past the door and crashed. The old man got up quickly and ran back shouting, "I'm fine! Don't mind me!"
"Eh….yes." Lynn nodded and put an arm over an upset Lana. "Me and Lana go together like peanut butter and jelly."
"As crazy as it sounds, me and Luan do wish to be roommates. We've realized that we are birds of a feather, in certain ways." Lucy said simply and looked at Luan. The comedian flashed her a small smile and nodded. At least she got something out of this fiasco.
"Don't worry father, I have not inhaled any toxic fumes from my flasks that caused cellular deterioration in my cerebral cortex." Lisa told him. "I do in fact wish to be roommates with Lola."
"NOOOOO!" they heard Lori wailing, but after that, no further struggling was heard, just a teen girl's petulant whining.
"Alright then." Lynn Sr. nodded, trying to keep his voice even. The atmosphere had calmed down a bit, on both sides, but he knew his next announcement would put a damper on that.
"Dad, can I please talk to Lori?" Leni asked. "She really seems upset and could use someone to talk to?"
Her father thought about it. Maybe he should let her go, explaining the other thing to her would probably require a private session anyway, to make sure she understood. Lori's continued wailing further influenced his decision.
"Alright, you're excused. Please, just calm her down." He allowed her and Leni quickly left the room.
"Is there something else you wanted to say?" Lincoln asked simply.
"Yes, it's about my restaurant." Lynn Sr. replied. The siblings murmured among themselves.
"What about it?" a peeved Luna asked. "We know you have the funds for it, what else is new?"
"Well, I am currently looking for a building to buy and renovate into my restaurant. I have my sights on an old seafood restaurant. It's pretty decrepit and will need lots of renovations but it is cheap. I hope you understand how hard I've worked to convince Mr. McCole to fund my endeavor? As I said before, he's a very busy man, hard to reach and notoriously difficult to please, it was a miracle I was successful. And this restaurant will be my new source of income. Not just for me, but for our entire family, we need every nickel we can get. So you must understand that I can't risk this restaurant being anything short of a roaring success."
"So what? Get to the point, pops." Luna replied curtly. "So we can enjoy our underserved punishments because our own parents don't trust us."
"What are you getting at?" Luan asked. "Are we going to have to help you with the renovations as part of our punishment too?"
"Heavens no!" their father retorted, a little more bluntly than he had intended. "You are not going anywhere near my restaurant."
His kids went wide-eyed and Lynn Sr. swallowed a lump. He had said too much.
"I'm sorry kids. But this is very important to me, as I've explained already. And it's not what you think. But any savvy entrepreneur will tell you that mixing up family affairs with business affairs is a recipe for disaster. Eh, get it? Recipe for disaster?" he chuckled a little, but nobody else did. "Because I'll be a restaurant proprietor and cook my own…"
Nobody found his joke funny, not even Luan. He really shouldn't have been surprised.
"Dad, are you saying we're banned from your restaurant?" Lincoln asked. He hadn't expected that.
Their father started sweating. But there was no use in playing dumb. "Yes, I'm sorry. But I can't risk you jeopardizing my business. There's too much at stake and you all tend to….cause inconveniences. But just so you know, your mother agrees with me on this. She too has agreed never to step foot there, to keep my job completely separated from my family."
The siblings were all dumbfounded, sans Lisa and Lucy, who didn't really care. Even Lincoln and Lynn's first impulse was to cry that this wasn't fair. How could their own father ban them from his own restaurant? But slowly, reality dawned on them and they looked at their shocked siblings. Their father was right. It was extreme, but he had every reason to enforce this extreme rule.
"You…you can't be serious, man?" Luna ranted.
"First you punish us and don't believe us that we are innocent, and now you're banning us from your restaurant!" Luan threw her arms up. "Why don't you disown us next!"
"Girls, don't be hyperbolic." Lynn Sr. raised his hands defensively. "You need to understand that this isn't a simple matter of family-"
"Clearly it's not, you don't seem to care!" Luna shot back. "Neither does mom!"
Lynn Sr. sighed. He knew there was no smoothing thins out. Tensions were too high at the moment, especially coming of the heels of him and Rita taking away their privileges for a week. They were all fired up.
"Kids, I do care. I care a lot about this family. Which is why I have to enforce this rule. You just don't understand what it means to run a-"
"How is this caring, you're as bad as Renee!" Lana was weeping and jumped off the bed. "I'm out of here!" she ran away.
"You know what? She's right!" Luna got up and stormed away. "I'm not going to take any more this!"
"I wouldn't go there anyway with such customer service!" Luan was next. "Come on, Luce. Let's take my stuff to your room and throw all of Lynn's stuff out, whatever isn't confiscated!"
Lucy just nodded silently and followed her.
Lynn Sr. watched his daughters leave one by one and sighed despondently. This "being assertive" thing was really hard and emotionally draining.
"Well, your business practices sound unorthodox, father." Lisa said evenly as she stood up too. "But I'm not well-versed in the culinary arts or running an eating establishment, so I suppose I'm not qualified to judge. If you'll excuse me, I'll just go…"
Her father watched her leave and saw the last two of his children standing by him. They silently exchanged glances.
"I wasn't expecting this." Lincoln admitted.
"Kids, I'm…"
"Dad, we get it." Lynn reassured him. "No critic will give you even one star as long as we are running loose in there."
Lynn Sr. brow furrowed. "You're fine with that?"
"Ye…eh…no. Not really. But we heard what you said. And you're right, unfortunately." Lincoln sighed sullenly "If it means that you'll get to live your dream, we're cool with it."
"And we're proud to see you being assertive, dad." Lynn gave him a small smile. "I'm sure mom will be too."
Lynn Sr. felt a little relived, but that was soon replaced with immense guilt.
"Kids? How much about what your siblings said about Renee was true?" he asked tentatively. Did he really abandon them to an abusive tyrant?
Lynn and Lincoln exchanged glances. "Some of it…" they said together.
"Though they were driving her crazy too." Lynn added. She wasn't technically lying.
Their father massaged his forehead. "I'm so sorry. If she really was treating your poorly…"
Lynn tried to spare him the ugly details, it wouldn't help anyone right now. "It wasn't that bad, she was just….really strict and unbearable. Kinda like that one really mean teacher every kid at school hates, you get my drift?"
"She wasn't too bad when we behaved." Lincoln added, once more being somewhat truthful. "But then…y'know….the girls being the girls started pushing her buttons."
"Okay then…" Lynn Sr. sighed. He had a hunch his kids weren't being entirely honest, why else would the others make such extreme claims, but there was enough tension in the house already. He could inquire about the details at a later date. He sure had no intention of rehiring Renee at the moment.
Though it did sound pretty far-fetched. What babysitter, no matter how harsh they are, locks children up in bunkers or throws them into makeshift gas chambers, how was the latter even possible?
"I'm sorry I had to punish you too." He added apologetically. "I know you didn't cause any problems, but I…"
"Couldn't play favorites?" Lincoln finished.
"We get it…" Lynn sighed despondently. "That would have just made things even more tense."
"Still, I promise you, I'll try to talk things out with your mother. Maybe after she calms down, the next day or so, I can convince her to lessen the punishment?"
"No, dad. Just…just give her room to breathe for now." Lincoln told him. "Give everyone room to breathe. We all need it."
And I've finally hit the 50 chapter mark, and passed the 500,000 words mark before that.
The family is reunited, sans Lola, but it was anything but a happy reunion. The Loud siblings just found out the consequences of shattering your parents' faith in you through your bad behavior. This time they were (mostly) innocent but that mattered little when they looked like the guilty party. And unsurprisingly, a lot of them didn't take the news about them being banned from Lynn Sr.'s restaurant very well, especially not coming of the heels of being unfairly punished AFTER enduring two days' worth of abuse. Renee sure pulled a Vicky here, without even trying.
If you care about someone, you sometimes have to be cruel to be kind, and Lynn Sr. had to experience this firsthand in this chapter. He was actually rather lucky that so many of his children were too preoccupied with other things to be mad at him. But that's the lesson he needs to learn in other to be a better father. To be a good father, he will have to cross his children and make difficult decisions, not by spoiling them rotten via constantly kowtowing to their whims and tantrums.
But just to recap, Luna, Luan and Lana are all mad at their parents now, the twins hate each other, Lola has pretty much become a pariah, most of the sisters are still mad at Luan over her late April Fools stunt, Lynn and Luan are still at each other's throats over a boy, Lynn Sr. and Rita's marriage is still hanging by a thread, Lori and Rita are in a rough spot to be sure, Lynn and Lucy just never liked each other to begin with and Lisa is severely depressed and also something of a pariah, and is about to commit a personality suicide. The family could be doing better for sure.