The September wind slapped Naruto's cheek as he sipped his sugary, creamy coffee on Sasuke's patio. Sasuke was painting a small Austrian town he saw once when he went on a road trip during one of his tattoo conventions in Berlin. He was thrilled that Sasuke invited him to the next one. For as long as Naruto was in Germany, it was a crime that he hadn't seen a single landmark.
They'd enjoyed each other's quiet company for the past hour. Naruto was both excited and a little nervous for what they'd planned today - buying a new guitar. He was to Sasuke for restoring Ally, his beloved acoustic, after he broke her in two during a drunken breakdown months ago. She rested in their living room, golden lacquer mending her wood together and dried flowers resting on the guitar's opening.
They'd leave after Naruto finished reading a chapter in his philosophy textbook. He was taking a full term this quarter, which started two weeks ago. Naruto tugged his jacket into his body a little closer, inadvertently tugging at one of his nipple piercings and feeling a twinge of pain. They were pierced nearly two months ago. Why did nipple piercings have to take so long to heal, dammit? He couldn't wait for Sasuke to play with them.
Before Sasuke, he would have never let someone hold so much control over him. He granted Sasuke that privilege, and the proof was etched on his stomach. That blue chrysanthemum still so clearly brought him back to that day whenever he concentrated on it. The shade really did match his eyes.
Sasuke claimed not to have a romantic bone in his body. Bullshit.
He loved the way the brilliant blue blossom peaked just above the waist of his boxers. It reminded him of the feeling of Sasuke's needles on him, totally unaware of what Sasuke was leaving on his body and trusting his master entirely. Sasuke adding his name in katakana was a bold move, but Naruto couldn't have been happier with it. Sasuke liked to tease Naruto about it when they flirted.
When they made love, sometimes Sasuke would run his tongue over the stem during foreplay, giving him that haughty smirk that made Naruto want to both melt into a puddle and punch Sasuke in the face. His ringing cell phone snapped him out of his reveries.
"Howdy!" Naruto said, a wide grin on his face.
"Naruto, what kind of mischief have you been up to lately?"
"Tenten!" Naruto shouted, causing Sasuke to jump.
Sasuke regarded Naruto with annoyance momentarily before resuming his painting. He seemed to be in a sour mood today.
"I'm glad you answered. I have good news for you."
Was Tenten going where he thought she was with this? He tried not to get his hopes up too high.
"Well, spill!"
"My deployment is over. I'll be back home in a matter of weeks."
Naruto made an odd screech that no living being should be capable of. Sasuke placed his paintbrush in the water; Naruto could tell he was listening in on the conversation. He couldn't blame him.
"What the hell was that?" Tenten laughed. "Are you possessed or something?"
"No, it's just… I mean, I'm so happy for you! This is fucking amazing!"
With Naruto's final friend coming home, it felt as though this chapter of his life was ending, though the scars would remain. It was a relief to know that Tenten was safe. It couldn't have been easy on her. Of her three close friends, one died, and the other two were injured severely and sent home. How lonely must she have been?
"So, do you wanna meet up?"
"Duh? What kind of question is that? Of fucking course I do! Have you talked to Lee?"
Tenten lived in a suburb by Cleveland, a seven-hour drive from them. Lee was in Rochester, on the west end of New York, which was a natural midpoint. He hadn't seen her since the bombing. He hated to admit that a part of him would feel vulnerable when she saw his scars, but Tenten was cool. He knew she'd handle things well.
"Just a few hours ago. He sounds like he's been doing well."
"Mhm," Naruto nodded. "Ya know his team's going to state?"
Lee dove head on into basketball. Still, Naruto hadn't expected his team to fare this well.
"How could I not?" Tenten replied, laughing. "He wouldn't stop talking about it."
"Trust me, I know. You should see Lee get around. He's so good with his chair that it's like he was born with it attached to his body. I can't believe it's just been six months."
Though he supposed it must've felt much longer to Tenten.
"Remember how he'd do yoga before breakfast?" Naruto added. "Five o'clock, every morning."
"Oh my god, yes," Tenten huffed. "I always felt like such a bum next to him. And you too."
"Meh," Naruto shrugged. "I'm nothing special. Just a geriatric college freshman."
Sasuke sipped at his coffee, rolling his eyes at Naruto's statement.
"Please, you haven't even hit thirty."
"They're a bunch of kids," Naruto said, swallowing his creamy, sugary coffee.
"And you're not?"
"Hey, I am not a kid," Naruto insisted, pointing his finger as if Tenten could see him.
Sasuke merely smirked.
"What?!" Naruto asked, looking at Sasuke now and gesturing dramatically with his arm. "I'm twenty-seven!"
And he'd be twenty-eight in a month. So rude!
"You act like you're half that," Sasuke said, shaking his head and again picking up his paintbrush.
"But you're boning me," Naruto winked. "So, what does that say about you?"
"Hey, is that Sasuke I hear?" Tenten asked. "Tell him I say hi!"
"Tenten says hi!" Naruto said.
"Mn," Sasuke grunted, distracted by his painting now.
"Sasuke says hi too."
A white lie.
"Mhm," Tenten replied. "Well, Lee and I were talking about when we could get together. I know it's short notice, but would October work for you?"
That was just a month away. It was perfect. He could hardly wait.
"Yeah, that's great! A weekend would be best for me."
"Yeah, same. As for the location…"
"Hm?"
"You know how Neji always wanted to go to Niagara Falls?"
Naruto went there once on a roadtrip with Kiba. It was only a seven-hour drive west, sitting right on Canadian border by the Great Lakes. It would be a logical meeting point, as it was midway between all three of them. The horseshoe shaped waterfalls roared as they cascaded into the Niagara River below.
"Yeah! That seems like such a cool place to meet up!"
"Mhm," Tenten replied, sounding a bit preoccupied.
Maybe Neji was still a sore topic for them both.
"Hey, you good?"
"Yeah…" Tenten muttered. "Lee and I were talking… You two never had a proper sendoff for Neji, and I didn't really either. The service at base was for everyone who died that day."
So, a funeral for Neji… Sometimes it still felt like Neji was in Afghanistan, and he'd return any day now. He knew Neji was gone, but he'd dream of Neji calling him, telling him that his deployment was finally over. Then he'd wake to the unfortunate fact that he could only speak to Neji in his dreams. Why did he have to be the one to die?
"So like a funeral, but with only cool people, huh?"
Sasuke didn't stop painting, but his eyes did briefly move to Naruto's for a second, reading his body language.
"Yup. We were thinking we could spend one day celebrating meeting up, maybe getting drinks and crashing at our hotel. Then another day, we'd do something informal for Neji."
"That sounds nice," Naruto said with a light smile on his face.
"And Sasuke's invited too, of course. I'd love to finally meet him. Lee speaks so highly of him, you know?"
"Yeah," Naruto said, his large grin audible in his voice. "It's funny 'cuz they're polar opposites, but they hit it off! Sasuke's work schedule is kinda crazy because he's literally booked out to like, 2007, but I'm sure we can find some time."
Sasuke was finally caught up from the massive backlog he had from both his time in Germany with Naruto and his insomnia flare ups. He again cast Naruto a short glance.
"Wait, he's booked up for over a year?"
"Yup!" Naruto beamed. "I only fuck with the best, ya know? He's the real deal!"
At least Sasuke was packing his schedule less tightly these days. When his customers cancelled, he didn't fill the gaps. Sasuke had other things to spend his time on now.
"Well, no pressure. We can work around him if he's up for it, and if not, it just gives me an excuse to party in Manhattan."
In all honesty, it would be nice to have Sasuke there. He wanted to be strong for his friends at the funeral, and to do so, he'd need someone who he could be weak with. Everything felt a little easier when Sasuke was with him.
"Alright! I'll talk to him about it and let you know."
"Oh, and another thing…" Tenten said.
"Hm?"
"I was thinking, what if we got matching memorial tats for Neji?"
Naruto had already considered one for himself, but sharing matching ones between the three of them would grant it another layer of meaning. Just as it commemorated someone whom they'd lost, it also represented the friendship the three of them shared. He'd remember all three of them when he saw it, chugging down Gatorades they bought at the bazaar as their boots tossed the desert sand.
"That sounds so awesome! Did you ask Lee?"
"Yeah," Tenten said, a bit of mischief in her voice. "He's in."
Was this Lee's first tattoo? That made the prospect even more exciting to him.
"Oh, so we're really doing this, huh?" Naruto grinned. "Got any ideas?"
"Not really," Tenten replied sheepishly.
"Just…" Naruto paused, frowning. He quickly picked himself up before he spoke again. "I'd rather it not be anything military or nationalistic, ya know?"
He'd rather not be reminded of that chapter in his life, of the regrets he'd accrued during his time overseas. Besides, like him, Neji enlisted before the war, primarily to afford an education while leaving his toxic family. It was a means to an end for him.
"Yeah, agreed. Neji was never very rah rah about the whole thing, so it wouldn't make sense."
He was glad he wouldn't have to explain. A natural pause passed between them.
"Well, I'm officially psyched! That'll be my third since I got back!"
"One of the perks of dating a tattoo artist, huh?"
"Oh yeah."
"What else did you get?"
"I got a flower on my lower stomach and also a tiny little sun by my wrist. Sasuke has a matching moon on his."
"Oh my god, that's so nauseatingly sweet and adorable," Tenten said, sighing wistfully. "I really have to start dating again. I want someone to love me like that."
"I'm sure you'll find someone, Ten. You are awesome, after all."
"I've been told that I'm intimidating," Tenten said. "I don't even understand why. I'm pretty friendly."
"Oh, I have the same problem!"
Despite the friendly smile he wore during the majority of his waking hours, he still intimidated others at times. People still stared. He was strong and had a very rugged look to him now thanks to all of his scars.
"But they can tell you're a secret badass," Naruto added. "Vibes, ya know. And that bodacious bod!"
"Oh god, whatever, Naruto," Tenten answered, trying to sound above it all but failing as laughter made its way into her voice.
"Ten, if you were a president, you'd be Babraham Lincoln."
"You're really busting out all the stops with these pickup lines, aren't you?" Tenten answered.
Sasuke rolled his eyes, but Naruto wouldn't take Sasuke's failure to recognize top tier humor personally.
"There's a lot more where that comes from," Naruto laughed.
"Thanks, I guess," Tenten answered. "I actually gotta call a few more people. I'll let you know when I get back, okay?"
He was sure Tenten knew the day, but that was classified information. There was always a possibility that the enemy was tapping their calls, which would allow them to target troops as they left.
"Okay! See ya then!"
"Take care, Naruto."
"You too. Bye!"
He hung up the phone; Sasuke was still painting.
"So, how much did you get out of that?"
"You're all meeting up and having a service for Neji?"
"Yeah, at Niagara Falls cuz he's always wanted to go there. You're invited too."
"Would you like me to be there?"
"It'd be nice, but I know you got-"
"Then I'll be there," Sasuke replied simply.
Naruto threw his arms around Sasuke from behind, kissing him on the top of the head.
"Thank you. It means a lot."
"Of course. You'd do the same for me."
"True."
A few moments passed.
"Hey, Sasuke…"
"Mn?"
"You seem a little down today."
Sasuke shrugged, stopping his hand in the middle of a brushstroke and looking at his lap.
"I suppose."
"Wanna talk about it?" Naruto asked, sitting down and moving his chair close to Sasuke's.
He dabbed his brush in dark blue paint again, the corners of his lips sinking.
"Sort of a depressing topic."
"You know I don't mind, babe," Naruto replied, placing his hand on Sasuke's shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
Sasuke glanced up at Naruto, catching his eyes before looking off into the distance.
"My mom…" Sasuke muttered. "She died eighteen years ago today."
He hadn't expected Sasuke to open up to him so quickly, but he appreciated it.
"Oh, Sasuke…" Naruto said with a frown, wrapping his arm around his narrow waist.
Sasuke so rarely spoke of his mother's death. Naruto didn't even know how she died.
"It's a meaningless distinction, really, but seeing the date kind of fucks with me."
"Nah, I get it. I still get kinda gloomy on my parents', uh… Death anniversary? What do you call that, anyway?"
Deathiversary? That had a decent ring to it. He should trademark it, really.
"I think I just need a distraction," Sasuke sighed, kneading the bridge of his nose.
"Well, I just so happen to specialize in distractions," Naruto told him with a wink.
He leaned over to Sasuke and gently guided his face so that Naruto could look into his eyes, chastely kissing Sasuke's lips. Sasuke kissed him back, their tongues briefly sliding against each other before they parted.
"Do you want to shop for your guitar?"
As much as he'd love to rock Sasuke's world with a killer orgasm, Sasuke wasn't up to messing around.
"Yeah! Kant can wait," he said, pushing his philosophy textbook aside, now imitating a British accent. "Or...kant he? I don't want to get bad Marx!"
Sasuke simply groaned, rinsing off his paintbrush.
"Get it? Like, the philosopher, Immanuel Kant? I was reading about him. And then Karl Ma-"
"I understood the joke, dumbass."
"Then how could you not laugh? It was downright...punny!"
"I can't believe I'm dating you."
Naruto cackled.
"You, good sir, have zero appreciation for a good pun."
"Puns are the lowest form of humor."
"No, fart jokes are the lowest form of humor."
"Fair," Sasuke replied as he put away his paints.
"Well, maybe this was getting a little out of...Kantrol. When we leave," Naruto said, waggling his brows. He opened the sliding door to the patio, walking back inside. "Don't forget to...Locke the door behind you!"
"Hey, Naruto…" Sasuke replied as if he were pondering something.
"Yeah, babe?"
"Since you liked wearing that ball gag so much last night, why don't you try wearing it 24/7?"
Oh, that was a good one.
"Pffft," Naruto replied, unable to stifle his laughter and clutching his chest. "I've been mortally wounded! How can you not appreciate my razor-sharp wit?"
"Somehow, I manage," Sasuke quipped as he gathered his supplies.
After taking a few seconds to clean up, he stepped through the door with Naruto, who fell to the ground and curled up in a ball.
"What are you doing?" Sasuke asked, lightly kicking Naruto with the top of his bare foot. It was framed by a simplistic geometric tattoo, several black lines tracing the edge of his foot.
"Why are you so Aristartled? What part of mortal wound didn't you understand?" Naruto croaked out, making a show of attempting to crawl. "Kant...go on…"
Yes, this was a little over the top. As unimpressed as Sasuke appeared, Naruto knew that Sasuke loved his laugh even more now than he did when they met. After all, laughter didn't come to Naruto as easily these days. Though he hadn't as much as snickered, the fact that Sasuke even bothered with retorts told Naruto that he was accomplishing his goal.
"Recycling material now? I'm getting ready," Sasuke replied, stepping over Naruto's writhing body and walking toward the bedroom.
"What happened to leave no man behind?!" Naruto called after him, only for Sasuke to shut the bedroom door behind him. "Coward!"
So cold!
"I'm ready when you are," Naruto shouted.
Naruto ditched his forest green hoodie jacket for the burnt orange one Sasuke bought him in DC, complete with black suede accents and plenty of chains. It fit him snugly; he bought a bigger size, knowing he'd fill into it once his body conditioned again. He wrapped it around him, looking in the mirror and flexing his bicep with a big grin. Wow, what a badass!
Sasuke was quickly out to join him, effortlessly gorgeous as always. Naruto flirted with Sasuke on the train ride over to the Guitar Center, their first stop. As much as he ridiculed Naruto's cheesy pickup lines, he did flirt back a few times. He teased Sasuke all the way up until they arrived at the shop's door, hoping to keep his mind occupied.
However, he hesitated before entering. While Naruto's arm was getting stronger through physical therapy, large parts of it were still numb. It felt as though he was constantly wearing a sweater on his arm and hand, all sensations dulled. It was supposedly nigh impossible that he would regain full feeling in his arm, and his right hand still lacked the dexterity required to pick the strings.
The fact was abstract when Naruto wasn't holding a guitar in his hands. Since his childhood, he found his escape in music. All of the tears he hid, all of the anger he stifled, all of his insecurities flowed into his music. And in his music, he created worlds of his own that he could hide in whenever he pleased with each strum of the guitar. As much as he tried to ignore it, he craved the feel of his fingers on the frets, the sound of vibrating nylon strings.
Sasuke picked up on it instantly, resting his arm on Naruto's shoulder and kissing his cheek. He always marveled at how well Sasuke could read him, easily spotting the unpleasant emotions he pushed aside to avoid burdening others. Naruto would be reminded of his new limitations yet again today.
Still, Naruto's hand was strong enough to securely grasp the guitar pick, and his arm easily handled the wide motions of strumming. He could fly up and down the frets with his left hand as always and keep a steady rhythm with his right. While he couldn't yet play most of his favorite songs, with practice, he could play something that sounded decent.
Naruto was determined to make music again. He reminded himself of this, beaming at Sasuke. Sasuke issued a modest smile in return, which soothed him far more than any smile should be capable of. It granted him the courage to walk in, excitedly eyeing a wall lined with dozens of guitars.
The store was large, almost a warehouse, with high ceilings. An employee left the two of them with three guitars that Naruto selected, each one of them electric.
"You don't want to try an acoustic?" Sasuke asked, tilting his head.
A blue electric guitar rested on his lap, just a shade darker than primary blue and with a slight shimmer to it. It was out of his price range, but he thought it'd be fun to play with a Stratocaster nonetheless.
"Nah," Naruto said, shaking his head. "Honestly, given I can't play my old songs at this point anyway, I thought an electric makes more sense. Plus I get to try something new!"
His left fingers easily found their frets as he held down a C chord, lifting up his right arm up as he grasped the guitar pick between his partially numb thumb and pointer finger. He hesitated for just a moment, his mind going down ratholes as he so faintly remembered what it felt like to hold the pick before he stepped on a landmine.
But what was done was done. He focused on the room around him, the guitars on the wall, the flow of people in and out of the store, the faint smell of varnish, and finally, the gorgeous Stratocaster in his lap. The most beautiful person in the world sat across from him, casting him a faint smile that was reserved for him and him alone.
He rode on that feeling of warmth, finally bringing down his arm and strumming a neat C chord. It was far more than he'd been able to accomplish on Ally; he still couldn't firmly grasp his pick back then. Although he was hardly playing better than a beginner, he couldn't help but smile.
The first strum was the hardest. Now they came to him naturally, his enthusiasm growing as he played with increasing fluidity. He strummed up and down a few times, keeping a steady rhythm and switching over to an F chord. His left fingers were sluggish, but it was nothing that practice couldn't fix.
Each chord he played confirmed that this was exactly what he'd been missing. He knew that now.
"Oooh, I love the sound."
It was rich and full, its design more than comfortable. And it was gorgeous, with the top of its body pronged and a white panel against the blue background by the strings and whammy bar.
"You don't sound half bad," Sasuke replied.
"Thanks," Naruto grinned. "I can't do anything too complex yet, but yeah..."
Sasuke watched Naruto play over the next minute, leaning back.
"Hey, shouldn't you be a part of this decision too?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke raised his eyebrows, apparently taken aback.
"You practiced on Ally while I was gone, right?"
Sasuke nodded, sucking his lip ring as he looked down. Sasuke told Naruto that he played Ally whenever he missed him over those two years Naruto spent overseas.
"You know…" Naruto began. "I can't believe I've never seen you play."
He wondered if Sasuke held back on his account. Perhaps he didn't want to remind Naruto of what he couldn't have, and with Ally out of commission, he had no opportunities to do so.
"It's nothing worth listening to," Sasuke shrugged.
"Pft, why do I not believe you?" Naruto asked, playfully elbowing Sasuke's upper arm. "Mr. Perfectionist."
Sasuke said nothing.
"Besides, even if I can't play worth shit, I can still give you lessons!"
"I did enjoy your lessons," Sasuke conceded.
This took him back to their very first date, when Sasuke arrived at his Harlem apartment and strummed Ally with surprising dexterity given his lack of experience. Sasuke seemed to be a natural at every pursuit he endeavored; it was almost nauseating.
"Why don't you play me something?" Naruto asked, gesturing towards a purple electric closer to Sasuke.
"Maybe later."
"Aw, c'mon!" Naruto whined. "Besides, I could use your input here, so at least try them out. It's not like you're a total newb."
Sasuke scanned the area around them, ensuring that no one was within earshot. He really couldn't handle fumbling in front of others, could he?
"It'd make me feel better," Naruto added, batting his eyes at Sasuke.
"Fine," Sasuke huffed, rolling his eyes.
Naruto tried not to stare at Sasuke, but he couldn't help it. He held the guitar with such familiarity, effortlessly strumming and scaling through several chords. The melody was simple enough. Sasuke hadn't had a chance to practice for months, but every strum was flawless.
"Hey, not bad!" Naruto said. "You've gotten a lot better!"
Sasuke shrugged the compliment off, his eyes drifting away from the guitar. This was coming easily to him...almost too easily.
"You're holding back," Naruto stated.
"I'm just testing the guitar," Sasuke countered, tampering with the whammy bar.
"Oh, c'mon…" Naruto insisted. "Are you just afraid to make a mistake?"
"I'm not."
"Then you're holding back on my account?" Naruto challenged. "Just like you did when I got home?"
Sasuke looked down at the guitar, his rhythm not halting for an instant. His response spoke volumes.
"Look at me, Sasuke."
Sasuke obeyed, putting down his pick and looking at Naruto with a reluctant sigh.
"I get why you didn't want to play in front of me, but I really wanna hear you play, ya know? You said you'd play whenever you missed me, right?"
Sasuke nodded silently. Naruto could tell that a dark cloud still loomed over him, as much as Sasuke tried not to let the significance of today's date affect him.
"Then show me how much you missed me."
Now Sasuke's eyes met his, his stare just a bit tremulous. He nodded, sucking at his lip ring yet again as he adjusted himself. His fingers picked at the strings, and Naruto froze in a matter of seconds.
It was a song Naruto knew all too well: "Sweet Child of Mine." The notes were so beautiful and fluid, the melody infused with Sasuke's affection and longing. Sasuke told him that his mother would sing this song to him while he slept, like a lullaby.
Naruto's emotions stirred within him, his eyes misting with tears even as he smiled at Sasuke so widely. Sasuke's progress as a guitarist was staggering, really, but Naruto supposed he shouldn't be surprised given Sasuke's immense talent on the piano. Sasuke stopped playing.
"No, finish the song," Naruto encouraged as he put his guitar down. "I'm really enjoying it."
That, and he was very much looking forward to how Sasuke would handle the solo. He'd likely made some sort of revision or simplification, or maybe he'd skip it altogether. Even as talented as Sasuke was, there was no way he'd be able to pull that off within only two years of practice.
Sasuke must have believed him, because he began to play again, meeting Naruto's eyes from time to time. Naruto felt his heart race as the solo approached, because even though it was surely out of Sasuke's skill range, a part of him did wonder…
Sasuke's brows furrowed as he dove into solo, so far with flawless execution. A small crowd formed around them, five people watching Sasuke with admiration. Naruto's jaw dropped slightly, but the most difficult part was to come. Sasuke didn't relent, and soon, he flew into the most challenging parts of the solo, playing it flawlessly.
Naruto could hardly believe his eyes; Sasuke truly was a genius. As much as it pained him to admit it, Sasuke was nearly as good as he had been before his deployment. Sasuke swore as he inadvertently muted one of his strings, soon after closing up the song and looking back at Naruto. The crowd dispersed, a few clapping before they left.
"There. Satisfied?"
For a moment, Naruto was torn with indecision, soon after leaning forward and holding Sasuke in his arms without giving a damn who saw.
"You missed me a lot, didn't you?" he said with a smile, kissing the crown of Sasuke's head.
"You have no idea," Sasuke muttered into Naruto's ear.
Naruto felt so much love for Sasuke at the moment that it felt as though it would bubble over.
"I'm sure your mom's looking down from wherever, impressed as all hell."
Naruto knew well that Sasuke couldn't play this song without remembering his mother. Perhaps he'd let out just a bit of his sadness, the good memories and the bad he shared with her. Naruto related.
"You couldn't have missed that part where I muted the high E," Sasuke asserted, clucking his tongue. "Sloppy."
"You're ridiculous, Sasuke," Naruto laughed. "I never would've dreamed you'd be so good! It took me a good four years until I got to where you are. But what really stood out to me..."
They parted, Sasuke casting Naruto a curious look.
"You played with so much heart. I could feel you in the music, Sasuke," Naruto muttered. "I know that sounds weird, but-"
"No," Sasuke interrupted. "It doesn't sound weird at all."
"Thank you, Sasuke," Naruto answered with sincerity, leaning forward and placing a kiss on his lips.
He felt honored to listen to something that meant so much to Sasuke. Sasuke issued a chaste kiss in return.
"That being said, I still like the Stratocaster better," Sasuke stated, gesturing at the blue guitar by Naruto's feet.
"But it's so expensive…"
After all, Stratocasters were never cheap, this one coming to almost a thousand dollars. That was more than Naruto's roundtrip to Germany would cost when Sasuke's next conference came.
"I'll be playing it too, so naturally I should help pay for it. Think of it as an early birthday present."
Naruto shook his head.
"I can't ask that of you. You're already housing and feeding me. My military stipend helps, but-"
"You didn't ask," Sasuke corrected. "I insisted."
"Are you sure?" Naruto asked, his voice squeaking at the end.
Sasuke sighed, the look on his face screaming "you should know better by now."
"Fiiine," Naruto smiled, trying and failing to hide his enthusiasm. "This has gotta be the nicest guitar I've ever owned."
"We'll do it justice."
"Damn right!" Naruto beamed, patting Sasuke's back with a bit more force than Sasuke would likely appreciate. "I can't wait to see what else you can do!"
"Not just me."
Naruto issued a crooked smile, looking down at his scarred arm, his sleeves rolled up.
"You're right. I mean, some people even play with their feet, so I got a huge advantage!"
"Glad you don't have to resort to that. Your feet stink."
"Oh yeah? Well your face stinks!"
Sasuke walked right past him, approaching the cash register as Naruto followed behind him closely, bubbling with excitement. After a couple minutes and a swipe of Sasuke's credit card, the two were proud owners of that beautiful guitar.
They purchased a black case for it as well. Naruto insisted on carrying it, gingerly swinging it over his shoulder.
"Wooow!" Naruto said, leaning back and looking at the sky with a grin so large his molars peeked through. "I can't believe I have a Stratocaster!"
"Mn."
"So, do you think they're a boy guitar or a girl guitar? Oh, but what if they're neither?"
"Have you tried asking them?" Sasuke asked with a perfect deadpan.
"No! Wow, how presumptuous of me to assume!"
Naruto paused, placing his guitar on his foot, unzipping the case, and whispering inside.
"Hey, what are you?"
Naruto paused, making a show of listening.
"Oh, really?" he asked the guitar.
Sasuke rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that day, facing away from Naruto.
"Ah, I see," Naruto said, turning over to Sasuke. "Sasuke, it's a boy!"
"Congratulations," Sasuke replied dryly.
"I can't wait to send everyone pictures. I…" Naruto fake sobbed. "I'm a father! Hush hush, son."
Naruto patted the guitar lightly, slinging it over his shoulder yet again.
"How does it feel to be a dad, Sasuke?"
Just as Sasuke was about to answer them, they passed by a dumpster. Sasuke stopped cold.
"Hey, what's up?" Naruto asked.
Sasuke approached the dumpster, putting his ear to the lid and lifting it. What was he doing?
"Uhhh… Sasuke?"
Naruto walked toward him, his stomach dropping when he realized why Sasuke had stopped so abruptly. He heard a faint meowing sound from inside.
"Poor baby! They must've gotten stuck in there!"
Sasuke lifted the lid back, a putrid stench greeting them. Naruto nearly gagged.
"Uggh," he groaned, putting his sleeve over his nose. "Well, I guess I'm going in."
The dumpster stood just a bit taller than their heads.
"Step on my shoulders," Sasuke ordered, getting down on his knees.
"You sure you can lift me? I'm a lot heavier than you."
"Just do it, dumbass."
Shrugging, Naruto placed one foot on Sasuke's right shoulder, raising himself and putting his other foot on Sasuke's left shoulder. Sasuke grabbed both of his shins, gingerly standing. Finally, Naruto looked in, freezing in horror as he noticed a black bag squirming, small paws fighting against the plastic from inside.
"Holy shit," Naruto gaped.
Years ago, he would have never understood how someone could do something so horrible. Now nothing shocked him. He'd seen much worse.
"What?"
"I see it. I'm going in. Hold my feet."
Sasuke acquiesced. As he bent over the side, he gagged, gritting his teeth as he reached toward the bag. It was just out of his reach. He strained just a bit farther, finally latching on to the top of the tied bag.
"Pull me up."
Sasuke dragged Naruto out of the dumpster by his feet and guided him to the ground.
"Oh my god," Sasuke faltered, his lower jaw dropping slightly as his brows knit together.
Naruto quickly ripped through the plastic, revealing a small black kitten with a malformed and lacerated front paw and protruding ribs. Naruto doubted she was the only kitten in her litter. The owner likely decided to abandon her upon seeing her deformity. She wasn't even given a chance.
He couldn't help but see a small part of himself in her. Other than Tsunade, he never felt wanted as a child - just a burden to be tossed from one person to the next. She mewled frantically, squirming against Naruto. Naruto held her into his body, his eyes misting with tears.
"There, there. You're okay now."
He caught Sasuke's expression, both of them aghast at the cruelty it would take to do this to a defenseless animal. Sasuke clenched his jaw, his temple protruding just slightly as he quivered with rage.
"This is why I hate people. A blight on the fucking planet," Sasuke fumed, shaking his head. "Whoever did this deserves to be torn limb from limb."
How long had this kitten been there, struggling for her life? Had they walked this way just five minutes later… Even the thought of it made him sick.
"I'm just glad we made it in time," Naruto said, petting the kitten's head as she cried. "Ssshh, it's okay now."
"We need to take her to a vet," Sasuke seethed, taking his iPhone out of his pocket. "Who knows what else they did to her?"
Before Naruto even had time to reply, he pulled up a list of nearby veterinary clinics with reviews. Naruto supposed that Sasuke wasn't kidding when he told Naruto he liked animals.
"Mhm," Naruto confirmed, scritching the area behind her ear as she began to still, resting her head against Naruto's muscular chest. He felt her sharp bones. "God, Sasuke, she's so thin. They need to do something about her paw. It looks so painful."
Her front leg was roughly half length, the paw bent at a right angle like a clubfoot.
"They'll probably amputate it. Not like it's doing her any good."
It was a shame, but Sasuke was right. Even if her paw were straight, her leg wouldn't reach the ground.
"Are you gonna be a tripod, girl?"
She meowed, almost as if in response.
"There's a place a ten minute walk from us with pretty good ratings."
Naruto agreed, cooing at the kitten nonstop for the entire walk to the clinic. They sat together in the waiting room for several minutes, Sasuke's head resting against Naruto's shoulder.
"Tired?"
"I didn't get much sleep last night."
Naruto paused for a moment, considering his words before he spoke them.
"Nightmares?"
"Mn," he acknowledged.
Naruto wondered if it had anything to do with what today was.
"You should've woken me up," he said, grabbing Sasuke's forearm with his free hand.
"It's better if at least one of us is well-rest-"
Sasuke was interrupted by a vet tech, calling them back into the examination room. Fortunately, other than her paw, she had no other serious injuries. They gave her fluid, vaccinations, and antibiotics, scheduling her amputation for the following week. After picking up some basic supplies at a nearby pet store, they left for Sasuke's apartment.
The sun had set now, a brisk wind blowing at their backs as they made the final walk from their subway station to their apartment.
"Sooo…" Naruto said, holding the kitten in his hand as they left the clinic for the pet store.
She stilled now, resting in Naruto's arms as they walked.
"She can stay here for now," he answered, reading Naruto's mind. "Meanwhile, we'll look for a home for her."
He was glad, although not surprised, that Sasuke didn't mention a shelter. A three-legged black cat would never fare well there. Naruto nodded, walking a few more paces.
"For how much you love animals, why don't you have any pets?"
They entered the complex, approaching the elevator.
"I'm too busy, and I'm inconsistent. I wouldn't give the animal the care it deserves."
It took everything in Naruto not to laugh and roll his eyes. It was such a typical Sasuke response.
"You said that about me too, and look where we are now."
"You're a self-sufficient animal. You feed yourself...usually."
"Hey, I feed myself all the time!" Naruto protested, a pause lulling between them afterward. "And I could feed her too."
Sasuke likely knew where he was going with this. He felt his love for this kitten grow every minute he held her. He remembered drifting through foster care as a kid, sometimes only begrudgingly held and sometimes just for the monthly check from the state. She was wounded and so fragile. Perhaps Sasuke saw Naruto in her too.
"I'd take care of her. You wouldn't have to lift a finger, and I'll take her if I move out."
If, not when. He didn't want to leave, but it would've been presumptuous to assume that their arrangement was permanent.
"Getting a pet is a big decision," Sasuke said, furrowing his brows. "A lot of responsibility."
A ding announced the arrival of the elevator. They both stood as they were lifted to their floor.
"I know, Dad," Naruto answered with a half-smile on his face. "Just think about it, okay?"
Sasuke issued a deep sigh, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.
"Yeah, I'll think about it."
"That's all I ask for," Naruto beamed.
Sasuke never once asked to hold her. Perhaps he was trying not to get attached, but he didn't hesitate for a second before paying her vet bills.
"You've got to admit she's adorable," he said, petting her behind her ear.
They left the elevator, approaching Sasuke's apartment and opening the door. Naruto was glad to be home. It'd been a long day.
"She's a kitten," Sasuke replied matter-of-factly. "Comes with the territory."
So, he didn't deny it? Naruto sighed wistfully, shaking his head. He was hoping against all hope that Sasuke would decide to keep her; he'd be crushed otherwise. He was already so attached to her. They saved her life, after all. He felt responsible for her.
They placed the litter box in one of Sasuke's bathrooms, filling a food bowl and water bowl and placing it nearby. Fast asleep, she hardly stirred as Naruto rested her body in the litter box. Naruto smiled as he looked down at her; she seemed content now.
"You know, for all the animals you have on your skin, you could at least have one in your home."
The list of animals on Sasuke's body was ever-growing - a phoenix on his back, snakes on his arm, and most recently, a raven on his neck.
"You've made your point," Sasuke said, finally leaving the restroom and approaching the sofa in the living room.
He quickly slid down into the seat, Naruto joining him as they leaned against each other. They were both spent.
"Fine, fine," Naruto huffed, supposing Sasuke was right. He was pressed against Sasuke's left arm, finding himself momentarily distracted by the vibrant blue and purple of the serpents and chrysanthemums on his arm.
"Speaking of tats…"
Sasuke cocked his head at Naruto, prompting him to continue.
"I guess I'm getting another tattoo in a few weeks. Do you have any ideas? I mean, you've done hundreds of memorial tats, I'm sure."
Sasuke shrugged.
"Some people do dates, numbers, their hobbies… For instance, I did one to commemorate my customer's friend, who was into cats and cooking. So she asked for a minimalistic cat with a chef's hat."
"Aw," Naruto said smiling. "That sounds cute. Kinda whimsical."
"Yeah, she was happy with it."
Another pause between them.
"People also get quotes, sometimes in the deceased's handwriting, or philosophies that they lived by."
Naruto nodded.
"I do have an idea…"
"Oh?"
"Neji…" Naruto took a moment to clear his thoughts. "He came from a shitty home life. They were insanely controlling. He reminded me a bit of a caged bird. He joined the military because one day, he wanted to escape that."
"I see."
"I used to think of his death as a cruel irony, but…" Naruto began, his throat tightening. "He really is free now, isn't he?"
Sasuke draped his arm over Naruto's shoulder, kissing the side of his head.
"Yes, he is."
"I thought… I dunno, maybe a bird flying out of its cage? I don't know, it's dumb."
Sasuke nudged Naruto closer into his body now, Naruto's head resting against Sasuke's neck.
"No, it's not. I'd be honored to bring something so meaningful to life."
Naruto held Sasuke's hand, interlocking their fingers. It made him feel safer.
"I guess doing this can be pretty rewarding. You're helping people cope with the past."
"Yeah," Sasuke nodded. "Especially with memorial tats, people are looking to heal. I'm four parts tattoo artist, one part therapist."
"Really?" Naruto asked, craning his head upwards and looking into Sasuke's eyes. "You?"
"Your faith in me is overwhelming."
Naruto couldn't help but laugh.
"I just listen, honestly," Sasuke clarified.
Sasuke had done the same for him when he confided his fear of being deployed to Sasuke, long before their relationship ventured outside of the tattoo studio.
"I think that's all some people need - just to be heard."
"I can't relate," Sasuke replied, shaking his head. "Spilling my guts to a stranger is the last thing I'd want to do. It was bad enough with my shrink."
"Well, you prefer to bear things on your own."
"It's what I've always known, and it worked for me," Sasuke shrugged, pausing. "Or at least well enough to accomplish my goals."
Naruto nodded, putting his legs up on the couch so that he could lean against Sasuke. Even noting this caveat was progress for Sasuke. He acknowledged now that he needed connections to live a full life. He needed to feel all of the things he buried for so long.
"I'm glad you let me help you."
"Me too," Sasuke said with a faint smile.
"I hope they like my idea. I'm just glad they didn't push for some military tattoo. I'm just...over it, you know?"
Except he was anything but over it.
He wanted to remember Neji, but he didn't want to remember the rest of the deployment. He didn't want to remember what he'd seen and what he regretted.
"Mn," Sasuke muttered in a tone of voice that left Naruto with no doubts that he could fool him.
"Or maybe I just want to be over it," Naruto mumbled. "I guess that doesn't make it so."
Sasuke brought Naruto deeply into him. Dammit, today was about Sasuke, not him. Thinking about Neji's funeral had him feeling bittersweet, but this couldn't be an easy day for Sasuke.
"If only, hm?"
"Yeah…" Naruto said.
"Want to talk about it?" Sasuke asked, gently petting his hair.
Naruto sighed.
"I mean, that'd kind of be a dick move considering what today is."
"Not at all. You were a magnificent distraction, so consider your job done."
"Are you sure, Sasuke?"
"Definitely."
"I dunno, it's just…" Naruto paused. "It all feels so…"
Naruto took a deep breath, finding his chest tight now. He looked at Sasuke again, as if asking for his permission.
"All of the shit I saw… You know, I killed someone. I pulled the trigger. You'd think I'd regret that, but I don't."
Naruto held Sasuke's hand, likely more tightly than was comfortable for him, but he couldn't stop himself.
"He was mowing into a crowd of civilians. Every second he was alive meant more innocent people dead. And yeah, it fucked with me and still does fuck with me, because taking someone's life is just…" Naruto stopped for a moment, clenching his teeth as his eyes watered. He shook his head. "It changes you, ya know? To pull the trigger and watch them fall..."
Sasuke nodded, tucking a strand of hair behind Naruto's ear.
"I know it does, love."
"But you know what I do regret?" Naruto asked, his eyes glassy.
"What?"
"If we hadn't been there, would that man have fired into that crowd? Yeah, I saved a few people, and the terrorists have been messing around with the people living there for years prior. And they continue to torment them. After thousands of people have died in this war… Has it gotten even a little better for the people living there? Or did we just add fuel to the fire?"
Naruto's words came to him quickly, a tear falling down his cheek. He hadn't wanted to go so far, but once he started, the words flowed from him. He wanted to believe that all of this death and destruction served a purpose, but innocent Afghan people still died every day at the hands of terrorists and, even more appalling, sometimes at the hands of people who wore the same uniform he did.
"That same day, another militant set a house on fire, sniped the man inside. But there was a little girl, calling out from the window. I ran into the house and grabbed her, and even as the house was falling around us, all she could do was scream out 'Papa'..." Naruto was forced to stop speaking for a moment, his voice shaking. "She kept reaching out for him like he was still alive."
This memory, after all, is what sent him away from his class in panic attack-induced tears months ago. She couldn't have been any older than ten; he grabbed her and held her over his shoulder as she kicked and struggled against him, begging to return to her father's side.
He felt Sasuke stir underneath him. He clenched his jaws, more tears following. When Sasuke cupped his face in his hand and wiped a tear away with his thumb, Naruto wondered if he deserved such tenderness.
"So, yeah, I saved a little girl that day. A few other civilians too. But if we hadn't been there, maybe I wouldn't have pulled that girl away from her dead father because he wouldn't have been dead."
He couldn't help the tears that streamed down his face.
"If we hadn't been there, would they have planted all those landmines? Konohamaru and Neji would still be alive!"
He remembered the way Neji's innards splattered across the ground as he was blown apart. The image of barbed wire forcing Konohamaru's Captain America figurine against his dead hand was a metaphor for the whole damned war. He would never forget the sight for the rest of his life.
"Naruto, you did the best you could," Sasuke said, kissing the top of his head.
Sasuke wrapped his body around Naruto's.
"I feel like I don't deserve your kindness. This war has left so many people dead or the next thing to it, and I don't even know if things have gotten better. Regardless of my actions, I was an agent of war. We all were. And that, Sasuke..."
Naruto's throat tightened, and he struggled to speak his next words.
"That is what I regret."
"You were only trying to help people," Sasuke murmured. "You're a good man."
"Am I?" Naruto asked, a bitter laugh in his tone. "I saw all of this destruction. I promised to serve my country, and I pride myself as someone who lives by their word. I told myself I couldn't just sit by and watch people, Afghan or American, get bullied by terrorists. I really thought we were helping. I could've left any time, but I didn't."
"Naruto," Sasuke replied. "You know how I feel about the war, but your actions… You saved your whole unit once, Lee twice, civilians… Even if the war wasn't for the best, you went there to save people, and that's exactly what you did."
Naruto couldn't hide his surprise.
"Yes, Lee told me that you took a bullet for him," Sasuke added, wearing a faint smile. "He told me after he woke up at Landstuhl."
Of course he did. Lee was always ready to sing his praises. How Lee could remain so bright and optimistic after all that they had endured was beyond him.
"I should've known. He always looked at me through rose-colored glasses."
"If a man took a bullet for me, I might do the same."
Naruto nodded, silent for a few seconds.
"That's a whole 'nother ball game. I feel like I could never tell Tenten or Lee how I feel about the war. It was what Neji died for, for fuck's sake. It's what put Lee in a chair. How can I say that those sacrifices were meaningless?"
Naruto simply shook his head, another tear rolling down his cheek.
"At the same time, the words left unsaid are so bitter."
The words had been on the tip of his tongue so many times. As close to them as he was, this made him feel distanced from them. He even had dreams where he told Tenten and Lee exactly how he felt; those never ended well.
"You don't ever need to tell them if you don't want to," Sasuke whispered. "You can talk to me."
Naruto shook his head.
"But you wouldn't-"
"You wouldn't understand," he'd been tempted to say. It was true. How could he, without having done what he had?
"I understand more than you think," Sasuke told him, reading Naruto's thoughts.
"Not about this you don't."
Sasuke couldn't know what it was like to watch someone die by his hand, though he was certainly blaming himself for something. Naruto couldn't forget what Sasuke said at the dungeon two months ago, lying in bed with him as his hand rested on Naruto's cheek.
Many years ago, I did something… Something I regret with every fiber of my being.
Sasuke was struggling to tell him something back then. He could hear it in his voice. He'd heard Sasuke apologize to someone in his sleep countless times, the first of which being when Sasuke slept beside his hospital bed on a chair while Naruto was in Landstuhl.
"...Or do you?" Naruto asked, meeting Sasuke's eyes before they darted in the opposite direction.
Sasuke's predictable defense mechanisms were kicking in yet again, right after progress was made.
"You're really hurting right now," he said, and Naruto could tell he was doing his best to keep his voice low and comforting. "Let's focus on you."
Sasuke was only then able to look at Naruto again.
"You're hurting too. If you don't want to talk about it, it really is fine. You don't owe it to me. But don't worry about burdening me."
Sasuke bit his lip; it wasn't like him to be so uncertain.
"I just want to know more about you. Maybe if you told me how you relate to me, I wouldn't feel so alone, ya know?"
He'd wanted to know Sasuke's secrets for so long now. The fact that he might actually learn them tonight made his heartbeat heady. Sasuke nodded, swallowing hard; Naruto could tell by watching the lump on his throat.
"It's kind of a bomb. Are you really good for that right now?"
Naruto sighed, resting into Sasuke.
"Isn't it so difficult to talk about these things? Like what I just talked about. Not sure if I feel better right now having talked about it or not, but sometimes shit needs to be felt. If you try to dodge it, it quietly saps away your happiness like a parasite. So I wanted to face it, especially before meeting up with Tenten and Neji's funeral."
Sasuke nodded again, internalizing Naruto's words it seemed.
"You really do face everything head on. It's...admirable."
Naruto felt dumb when his cheeks grew just a shade warmer. Sasuke…admired him? Even still?
"You can too, Sasu. You've always struggled so much to talk about it, but you seem ready now. Whatever it is, it's been eating away at you for years. If you're ready to share, I want to know what it is."
Sasuke closed his eyes, deeply inhaling and then exhaling. He opened them again, his eyes meeting Naruto's as he sucked at his left lip piercing.
"I never told you how she died."
Naruto felt his heartbeat in his head now. Naruto held Sasuke's hand in his, rubbing his thumb over Sasuke's palm.
"She didn't just die, Naruto," Sasuke said his eyes staring at the ground now, "She was killed."
Naruto's jaw dropped. Sasuke finally looked up, meeting Naruto's gaze.
"I was there."