A/N: A chapter to remind people that this is a comedy. It takes place after Gutsy Girl, which, when I think about it, is a place where everyone's minds are in different spots due to all the sporadic character development. Not that it matters in the slightest here.
Misaki-chan in the Spotlight~!
For a fresh change of pace…
A certain golden-haired beauty took center stage!
"Hi-hi~! Shokuhou Misaki here~⭐!
"I realize that so much has happened since the last time I appeared with that unnecessary backdoor melodrama~"
She shrugged her shoulders.
"I mean, like, who cares about any of that? Am I right?"
Clapping her hands together, she tilted her head and winked.
"But with that storyline finally over, it's time to get to the real meat of 'Super Seven'! That's right! I'm excited to say that 'Yours Truly' will be is getting an arc! The 'Misaki in Wonderland Arc'! Such a wonderful name! And it starts… right now~⭐!"
…
"…Or that's what I'd like to say… "
Panning out…
It's revealed that this Level 5 was in a self-admittedly stupid situation.
"Unfortunately, my story arc can't really start because…
"I may have gotten a little stuck."
Shokuhou Misaki was stuck in a fence.
Shokuhou Misaki is Stuck in a Fence
Two halves of Shokuhou Misaki's body dangled from both sides of a stone fence in a bizarre scene of bad luck.
"I bet you're wondering how I got to this point."
The girl teased the events leading up to how she got stuck in this fence.
"Please understand. I have no intention of disclosing that."
Of course, having to explain how she got stuck in a fence would only add to her humiliation.
"Also, another inquiry you may have: Why am I… talking to myself… like an insane person?"
A valid question, other than the 'how did this girl got stuck in a fence' mystery.
"You see…
"My embarrassment has gotten to such a point, I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. Haha~"
Her smile widened.
"Ahahahaha~"
It continued to widen until she snapped.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"
Futilely flailing around like wet noodle in a tropic storm…
"C'moooon! Just a little bit more!"
"Aaaaaaaaagh! So close!
"So… Goddamn close…!
"Guuuh!"
She reached her limit before reaching any perceptible change. The girl's body limped from exhausting her pitifully limited stamina. The Number 5 despaired.
"I wanna go home…"
Alas, Shokuhou Misaki could not as she was stuck in a fence.
What A Nice Distraction
Moving onto a character who wasn't stuck in a fence…
And to someone with a more main character-ish appeal…
Misaka Mikoto strutted along a sidewalk with her bag over her shoulder. She walked with upmost confidence and maybe with a little spring in her step. The pace of her footsteps followed a rhythmic pattern.
"Wa wa wa wasuremono~"
She absentmindedly hummed a tuneless song and pretended to know its lyrics.
"…"
Though, the girl stopped in her tracks.
Sensing an anomaly, her head rotated ninety degree to the side to observe a pair of legs jutting out from the adjacent fence.
"…"
As Misaka Mikoto stared blankly, her brain raced with a rapid torrent of calculations. Visions of math equations flashed and emanated from her cranium, each one becoming more complicated than the next. Until…
Her eyes widened.
She knew her next course of action.
"…heh."
Turning away from the unusual sight, she continued to step forwa-
"I'D RECOGNIZE THAT ASS ANYWHERE!"
Misaka Mikoto roughly grabbed the Number 5's meaty badonkadonk.
( Misaki: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!-?)
Cheeky
"Mi-Misaka-san?-!"
Shokuhou Misaki called out the Number 3's name with a mixture of relief and horror.
"Oh. It really is you, Shokuhou."
"And what if it wasn't?-!"
"Haha~"
Misaka Mikoto laughed off the casual sexual harassment.
"Well, I'll be on my way then."
The Number 3 saluted her ass and started to take off.
"Wait-wait-wait! What do you think you're doing?-! Are you just going to leave me like this?"
"Hm? Did you need help?"
"Of course I need help! Do you think I would intentionally try to stay in this position?-!"
Misaka Mikoto paused to think.
"To be honest, you already present yourself like a walking porn scene, so…"
"I'm going to choose to ignore what you just said. Please pull me out of here."
The brunette sighed.
"Alright, alright. I guess I'll get you out. Just give me second…"
"…"
Shokuhou Misaki waited without any real choice, though suspicion quickly took over her thoughts.
"Misaka-san, when you say a 'just a second', what do you mean?"
"I'm making it worth my while."
The Number 5 could hear several camera shots from the other side of the wall.
If Three's Company
Moving onto another character who wasn't stuck in a fence…
And to someone with a more mature appeal…
Mugino Shizuri stylishly sashayed herself along the same walkway with poise and discipline. And she did so effortlessly while being preoccupied with her phone. If one were not careful, one could easily be enamored by the way this girl naturally conducted herself.
"Be kind to dentists. They have fillings too. Send."
She spoke quietly as she texted an unfortunate third party. Though, just as she was about to put this oh-so valuable information out into the ether…
( Mikoto: Stop wriggling around. I can't get a good grip. )
( Misaki: Can't get a good grip?-! Gripping is all you're doing! )
The Number 4's attention was stolen.
( Mikoto: I really will hurt you if you don't calm down. )
( Misaki: No! No! Get your grabby hands away! )
( Mikoto: Shh. Just let it happen. It'll be over soon. )
( Misaki: That's not something a protagonist should say! Ow! Ow! OUCHIE! )
Letting her curiosity get the best of her, Mugino Shizuri veered toward the direction of painful screams.
And there, she found Misaka Mikoto sitting in the grass.
"Ah? Mugino?"
"Railgun, wha-"
…
Mugino Shizuri's eye locked onto the half body next to her.
"Aw fuck. It's happened to you too…"
( Mikoto: Huh? )
She immediately took out a pen and notepad. Quickly scrawling a note, she ripped out a page.
"You're in luck, Railgun. I happen to know a guy. Just call this number and say 'mothballs, corn syrup, ammonia'. In that specific order. He'll clean this mess up, but just make sure to use a burner phone when you do."
"…"
The Number 3's eyes widened. Quickly standing up, she made it clear to her senpai.
"I think you're misunderstanding something here. She's still alive."
Misaka Mikoto squeezed the Number 5's rumpty dumpty.
( Misaki: EEEP!)
"…"
And realizing her mistake, the Number 4's expression softened. She crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it aside.
"Oh. That's good."
Then Four's a Party
"So she got stuck in a fence."
Mugino Shizuri understood the situation.
"Yeah, she got stuck in a fence."
Misaka Mikoto restated.
"Can we not… say that phrase? 'Getting stuck in a fence'? We don't need to keep reiterating it, do we?"
"We do." (x2)
The Number 4 posed thoughtfully.
"Seems like the solution here is rather easy. Either we find a way to make the hole bigger, or she could simply find a means to become smaller."
She looked at the Number 3.
"Has she tried diet and exercise?"
Misaka Mikoto made a palm to fist gesture.
"That's a good idea! Shokuhou? Have you tried diet and exercise?"
"I can hear her just fine! And I don't think diet and exercising is going to work right now!"
"With an attitude like that it won't."
"Fat can burn quite quickly if you know what you're doing and put in the effort."
"How about it? We can start doing 1K runs together every morning at the park, and from there we'll work ourselves up."
"I'll die before ever doing that. Rather, I'd die if I did."
"Park? Surely you have a gym membership."
"Ah, I do. But treadmills are kind of boring, don't you think? I prefer to be outside if I can."
"Hm. I'm not too keen on public areas. You tend to gather… unwanted attention. I'm more comfortable with a private space."
"I can see where you're coming from. But in the end, you're in a room with four blank walls. I can't say that's exciting or motivating."
"I think the problem is that you just haven't found the right gym. You just need to find a place that has an atmosphere that caters to your own tastes."
"Are there places like that? That's interesting… I'm curious to know what gym you go to."
"Me? The place I go to is around-"
Shokuhou Misaki coughed loudly.
"AHEM. This is a nice and albeit weird conversation, but can we not brush aside my predicament? I would really like to not be stuck in this wall."
An addendum.
"And Misaka-san. Can you please stop touching my ass?"
"No."
Five's a Hassle
The Number 4 let out a breath.
"Alright Railgun. Should I do this, or should you?"
"Rock, paper, scissors?"
The shiitake-eyed girl sensed danger from across the wall.
"Ara? Do what? What's happening?"
Misaka Mikoto drew rock as Mugino Shizuri drew paper.
(Mikoto: Tch.)
"I said it earlier, didn't I? The solution's easy. Either you find a means to become smaller…"
Shokuhou Misaki began to understand what was coming next. And the girl began sweating bullets.
"Or we make the hole bigger."
"Oh no. No, no, no. Let's not do that."
Her tone was on the cusp of desperation.
"Surely, there are far better ways to get me out."
"There are, but this is by far the most convenient."
Shokuhou Misaki could see the glow of green light quickly color her surroundings. This was a sign of painful things to come.
"Ah… ahh…"
Unsure of what to do, she covered her head with her hands and helplessly cried.
"MUGINO!"
"MUGIYES!"
[ SFX: Thock! ]
…
A rubber ball bounced off the back of the Number 4's head. From the direction it came from…
"I'm trying to run an experiment, and here you guys are, just fucking around."
( Mikoto: Mugino. Duck. *monotone* )
( Shizuri: A little late, aren't you… )
The ball rolled back to the white-haired boy's feet. He swept it aside with his cane as he hobbled forward.
"You know the rules. One room. One hour. Ain't exactly complicated, and yet you're failing both criteria, Meltdowner."
He looked at Misaka Mikoto and acknowledged her presence.
"Railgun."
She returned the gesture.
"Accelerator."
And so did the other girl.
"Mental Out."
"…"
Thus, Accelerator became aware of the girl stuck in the wall.
Compromise
"…"
The Number 1 opened his mouth to speak, though the pause before his voice crackled out may have been a bit too long.
"…She's stuck in a wall."
"That's right, she's stuck in a wall."
Mugino Shizuri straightened out her hair.
"Indeed, she is stuck in this wall…"
( Misaki: Ahahaha! How many times must we say this? Is this a lowkey way of attacking my pride? )
"…and I was just about to 'unstuck' her until you interrupted."
The Number 4 conveyed her annoyance without subtlety. Though, Accelerator paid no mind to it.
"By melting the it? Seems excessive. Surely there are better ways to go about it."
The boy spitballed a suggestion.
"Has she tried diet and exercise?"
"She doesn't like the idea."
( Misaki: It obviously wouldn't work right now! )
"Well, in any case, I'm not going to let any more property around here get destroyed. Not while I'm on the clock."
Mugino Shizuri found a point where she could antagonize.
"Hmm? Under the eye after what happened with Gunha? Doesn't sound like my problem. And I don't remember owing you any favors."
Accelerator grimaced. Keeping his word to his coworker forced his hand. He spoke slightly louder than before.
"Then consider it a favor I owe you."
"…"
The Age-Old Question
The Number 4 analyzed the boy's reaction. After enough time, she broke contact and clicked her tongue.
( Shizuri: So dull. )
She turned to Misaka Mikoto with a sigh.
"Alright, we do it the old fashion way and pull her out."
( Misaki: Thank god… )
"Which side do you want, Railgun. Tits or ass."
Mugino Shizuri offered the girl a choice, something she wasn't ready for.
"Um, I'll take…"
The girl froze.
Her brain raced with a rapid torrent of calculations. Visions of math equations flashed and emanated from her cranium, each one becoming more complicated than the next. Though…
Instead of reaching a conclusion…
Her thoughts remained at a standstill.
The two conflicting ideologies pulled her conscientious mind from different ends, tormenting her very soul. And looking further inward netted no answers, no matter how much she dug and re-evaluated her values.
"…"
Without reprieve, Misaka Mikoto leaned slightly forward and raised her hands to her head.
"For fuck's sake. Are you having another identity crisis?"
She quickly raised her head.
"Tits. Tits all day. Can't beat tits."
"Great."
Push/Pull
Shokuhou Misaki watched the latter movements of Misaka Mikoto hopping the fence. Finally seeing someone in person…
"Never have I been more glad and more offended seeing your stupid face."
"Maybe you shouldn't have gotten stuck in a fence, you damned cow."
On the other side…
Accelerator took on the role of supervising this team effort.
"On the count of 3, pull. Everyone understand?"
( Mikoto: When you say on 3, do you mean '1, 2, 3, pull'? Or '1, 2, then pull'? )
"The latter. 1, 2, pull. Who the fuck does 1, 2, 3, pull?"
( Misaki: Quite a lot of people. I believe the public is split on it. )
"The phrase is literally 'on the count of'… No, we don't time for this. It's '1, 2, pull'."
( Misaki: Hey now. Don't take issue with me. )
Accelerator glanced at Mugino Shizuri who just rolled her eye.
"Alright. On the count of 3."
1
2
3
( Misaki: OW OW OW! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! STOP! STOP IT! STOP IT! YOU'RE RIPPING ME APART! I'M BEING RIPPED APART! )
Thankfully, they stopped.
"Seemed like both sides were pulling."
( Misaki: You think?-! )
"Well, now we know the issue. Let's do it over. On the count of 3."
1
2
3
( Misaki: OH! OH GOD! I'M BEING CRUSHED! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME! UGH! EEH! URGH! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! )
They stopped this time as well.
There from the Start
Shokuhou Misaki was briefly allowed to take a rest after a round of accidental torture.
( Misaki: I'm going to die. )
During that time, Misaka Mikoto made poignant observation.
"I think there's a valuable lesson to learn here. Despite being Level 5s, we really suck at communicating with each other."
She snapped her fingers.
"Hey! That's kinda the morale of the story to 'Super Seven', isn't it?"
( Accelerator: No. The morale of the story is stop being a dumbass. )
"Don't call me a dumbass when you're not even helping."
Kakine Teitoku placed a hand on Misaka Mikoto's shoulder.
"If you're having trouble, perhaps I should lend a h-"
"FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK! MOTHERFUCKER!"
The unusually colorful language from the normally clean-mouthed girl alerted the Number 1 and 4.
( Shizuri: What's wrong, Railgun? )
( Accelerator: You hurt yourself? )
Quickly calming down…
"No, no… It's, uh, the Number 2. He did that thing again. Where he takes advantage of his lack of presence in this fic and just pops out of nowhere."
"I assure you, I don't do that intentionally. In fact, I was here before any of you. I was hugging this nearby tree for sap."
Losing Count
The Number 5's mood had completely soured.
"Well isn't this just great! The whole gang is here! Might as well bring a table and chairs! Let's do the experiment outside, why don't we?-!"
"Well, Gunha's not here."
Misaka Mikoto had to point out that technically not all participants were present.
"Speaking of which, where is Gunha?"
…
Back in the room where Level 5s of Academy City were supposed to gather…
Sogiita Gunha sat at a table by himself.
"…"
Smiling hollowly…
"I'm so alone."
…
Misaka Mikoto nonchalantly brushed aside her previous question.
"Oh, I'm sure he's fine."
The Number 2 raised his hand halfway.
"…As I was saying…
"I can lend a hand. If the stipulation is to merely reduce damage to any property, Dark Matter can be used as an effective lubricant to help slide her out."
( Accelerator: … )
( Mikoto: … )
( Shizuri: … )
Accelerator was the first speak up after weighing the pros and cons.
"I don't see anything wrong with that."
Misaka Mikoto got on board with the idea.
"If it works, it works. Seems easy enough."
Mugino Shizuri agreed with the others.
"Yeah. Go ahead and cover her in your goo."
"HOLD ON."
Though Shokuhou Misaki was hesitant.
B*kk*ke
"I… I don't want to be slathered in Dark Matter."
Shokuhou Misaki politely rejected the proposal, but Kakine Teitoku was insistent.
"It's a simple process that won't take too much time. I just have to get in the mood."
"When you word it like that, that makes me further not want it."
The Number 3 stepped in front of Shokuhou Misaki. Holding her shoulders, she reassured her fellow Level 5.
"You have to trust me when I say… I think this is the only way."
"LIAR!"
Standing straight up, she gave the Number 2 the thumbs up.
"Hose her down."
She swiftly got out of the way.
"I have a say in this, don't I?-!"
She didn't. Not for a second. Not while this fic is categorized as a comedy.
A dark aura surrounded Kakine Teitoku as he readied himself.
"Wait."
She could not prevent what was about to happen next.
"Wait, wait, wait."
It was inevitable.
"Can we talk about this first?"
Complete and utter despair took ahold of this girl.
The Number 2 finished his preparation.
And.
And.
And.
[ REDACTED ]
Mental Note
Cleaned off and freed from her prison, Shokuhou Misaki spun around gracefully. Freedom was such a thing that was appreciated only once when it was taken away.
"I'm so glad I was able to get through this situation with my dignity intact."
Standing opposite of her…
"…"
…
…
The other Level 5s had their own expressions.
The Number 1 didn't dare to look her in the eye and raised his fist to cover his mouth the best he could.
The Number 2 blinked innocently, not even acknowledging the mental agony he inflicted.
The Number 3 tried to keep a straight face but was on the verge of revealing her true maniacal nature.
The Number 4 relished every second and threw her head back and forth while clapping.
"GYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The silence was filled by Mugino Shizuri's jovial laughter.
…
…
…
"I'll remember this…
"I'LL REMEMBER THIS!"
Breaking into a sprint away from the others, she cried as she ran towards the picturesque sunset.
Shokuhou Misaki made a mental note to never forget.
Suggested Listening for 'Mental Note': However The Illusionist Shakes the Dice by Lie and a Chameleon
Timeline (main): 10, 1, 2, 4, 8, 9, 19-28, 3, 29-37, 49, 12-17, 41, 50, 40, 45, 5-7, 11