Vera was preparing for her first class as the premier dance instructor in Miami and of course being at the Miramar Playa only added to the appeal. The Fourth had been a resounding success and Lauren had met a boy, to her brothers' and father's horror. I was starting to think that I'd be the size of a parade float by the time I was ready to deliver our baby, and the time seemed to tick by ever slower - the heat of Miami bearing down on me harder and harder as the days went on.
My fear wasn't tempered by the appointments with the doctor, even with Ike by my side and Mimi coming along for support. He was adamant that I be sedated and unconscious during delivery and that our child be forcibly removed with forceps. I was horrified by the idea that I wouldn't be awake to hear our baby's first cry or breath, that I wouldn't know what their sex was - or be able to hold them immediately. Ike wasn't taking it very well either. He attempted to find a way to negotiate something more palpable for our family, but the hospital and doctor seemed unwilling to cooperate.
Mimi went on the hunt for other arrangements, hopeful that she could find something better for us but I worried that we'd run out of time - even as I felt like the time grew longer and longer and I grew heavier and heavier.
At some point, Ike had gently warned me, every pregnant woman gets to the point where intimacy becomes uncomfortable. I'd scoffed. A time when I didn't WANT Isaac Evans? Was he insane? And yet, as the weeks and months ticked by and my body grew bigger with our child - I realized that while my internal hunger for him was alive and well, my physical hunger for him wasn't as readily available. Those naps he had once pressed upon me were now something I willingly took on my own, no reminder necessary. And while I still adored having his heat and body against my own, the urge to be joined wasn't quite as urgent.
A tiny part of me worried, I admit, that he might seek the warmth of another bed. Vera was a floor below us, after all. Meg Bannock was across the way. And I'd have to be completely blind to NOT see the other willing and beautiful women who turned their heads to watch my husband as he made his rounds as host of the hotel. The old adage played in my head, "once a cheat -", but I would push it down, only to have those photos that Ben had thrust into my hands early into my pregnancy showing Ike holding the towel open for Meg coming rushing back into my head.
Late one night, so far into my pregnancy that I'd lost count, I woke in our bed and knew that I was alone. His side was cold and I felt ice and fear creep into my veins. Ben Diamond's voice sneaked into our home and my head, reminding me that I was a Diamond and not good enough to be the Queen of the Miramar Playa. I shut my eyes and pushed it down, thinking of what to do.
Rolling over, I slipped out of our bed, putting my swollen feet into my slippers and grabbing my robe from the back of my vanity chair. Ignoring my reflection in the mirror, huge is huge after all, I left our room and saw that he wasn't in the living room or dining room. He wouldn't be in Lauren's room, so I steadied myself and stepped into the hallway and thought he might have gone to the office.
I found him sitting on the main staircase watching them clean the entryway. A glass of something brown beside him, he was in his pajamas and a robe and looked like he had just needed a moment of peace. His eyes, like magnets, found me as I stepped off the elevators and he stood up, but I shook my head. Silly man. Waddling to him, he met me on the bottom step.
"Did I wake you?" His hands went to my bump, his lips to my forehead, cool from whatever was in his glass. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."
"I woke up and you weren't there," I murmured, feeling much calmer now that he was in front of me. My hand went to my lower back, where a sharp pain was hitting me. "Ow."
"Liz?" Ike looked down at me with all the concern I'd expect from an expectant father. "What is it?"
"A knot," I brushed off his worry even as another stabbing pain hit me. "I must have rolled out of the bed wrong is all." But I ruined that argument when the next pain struck and the warm fluid ran down my leg and puddled on the clean floor under my slipper.
"No, Liz," Ike managed to sound calm even as he looked far less than, "you're in labor."
And then everything started moving far faster than I expected. He was calling for someone to call for a car, but I wondered if we shouldn't be calling for an ambulance, while he was also asking one of the other workers to go wake up Mimi and also get Danny to stay with Lauren. While he marshalled the troops, his hand had fallen to my lower back where the knot was and he was slowly massaging it, his other hand cradling my bump.
"We should go upstairs so I can -" I was going to say change, but Ike shook his head, kissing my temple.
"They're just going to put you in a hospital gown when we get there, sweetheart," he told me, but I was thinking of the squish in my slipper, the wetness in my underwear, the all over gross feeling that I was experiencing. "Would you feel better if I had them put something down on the carseat?"
I shrugged, not particularly, but it was better than nothing I supposed. As Mimi, looking for all the world as if she'd been up and waiting for this moment, came to join us in the hotel lobby - taking over for Ike in the ordering of the troops, Ike returned to his natural state as my husband and partner. Holding onto me, soothing my fears, but I knew once we got to the hospital I'd be on my own, in darkness, unconscious and without any knowledge of what comes next.
What came next was a tense drive to the hospital with Mimi next to the driver - who looked as comfortable as any driver who was tasked with driving the owners of the premier resort of Miami while one was in labor as a very stern midwife sat next to him tersely shouting out orders - Ike's hand was in mine and he was whispering assurances to me.
"I'll be there, Liz, I promise." I was scared, he knew it, that I'd be alone and our baby would be alone. "I'll be right there waiting and I'll make sure you and our baby are safe and -"
We arrived within minutes, or days - my nerves were frayed, the mess of my water - not a singular huge gush of fluid, but rather a series of warm gushes - the pains that kept coming and the unknown of what was waiting for me seems to make everything rush forward then slow down. It was maddening, and terrifying in heavy doses.
Ike was correct of course, I was rushed into the hospital and my night clothing was removed for a hospital gown. And as he held my hand, as he stood next to me, while Mimi tried one last press for my preference of a natural birth, it was overturned for the new, improved sedated birthing method. And I was given the sedative, and as Ike kissed me and promised me again that he'd be waiting for me when I woke up, when our child was safe and delivered, I closed my eyes and prayed.
Waking up after you've been somewhat forcefully sedated during your labor is entirely disorienting. I woke up and nothing felt right. I wasn't lying flat, for one, and I wasn't in my bed at home for another. Then there was the empty feeling - normally when I woke up, at least since the baby had started moving, they would remind me that they were there. Kicking me from the inside, moving around to let me know that Ike and I had been too active or not active enough the night before.
"Hey," I turned my head and there he was. Isaac Evans, my husband. And in his arms? A bundle in a pink blanket. "She was waiting to meet you for hours, Liz."
"Hours?" My eyes burned, thinking that our daughter had had to wait for me for that long, but he shushed me, and her as she started to fuss. "Is she -" But then he was sitting on the bed with me, and her tiny face was all I could see. Framed with dark curls, her tiny red face was perfect, as were her tiny fingers and toes - because I unwrapped her blanket and checked her all over. She was tiny, as Ike reminded me she took after her mother, and she was demanding - he abstained from mentioning if she took after anyone we knew. Feeding her by bottle, another new push that came from the advances of child bearing and medicine, formula, we were mesmerized by her.
"She's amazing, Elizabeth Diamond Evans." Ike whispered as she was drifting off after her meal, being burped, and a diaper change. "Just like her mother."
"I think she takes after her father too," his curls, I thought, and her eyes when they opened were as dark. "She has the same little pucker you do." My finger traced her lips and I smiled as her mouth suckled naturally at the touch.
"Are we still sure about her name?" I nodded, watching her as she slept. "I think it suits her."
"I do, too." And I did. We chose a name that had no thread of our past. We'd discussed memorializing my mother or even Molly, but both of us agreed that our marriage, our family was a chance to have a fresh start, even as we combined and grew.
"She'll have to grow into it," he was taking her from me to put her back into the hospital's idea of a bassinet. "I suppose you had to grow into yours, too." He winked at me when he looked up from her tiny form, his hand was still cradling her small head.
"Still growing into it actually," I smiled at him and his grin grew. "Miriam Sarah Evans sounds perfect for her, and I think she'll grow into it just fine, Isaac."
"Why, Elizabeth, are we using our full names now?" His smile was full enough to have his dimple peeking out and I was beaming back at him. "I love you, Liz, and our daughter, and our family." He was at my side, our foreheads meeting and he was breathing deeply. "I hated not being there with you when she came into this world screaming."
"Me too," my eyes shut, I couldn't do this again, not this way. "She's a miracle, Ike, but -" His lips brushed my eyelids.
"I know, Liz, I know."