DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own. Please review to leave comments and preferences! I will take advice and suggestions from my readers while continuing the story.

Thinking

Emphasis

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

Naruto had volunteered to grab herbs and such from the forest, basically, anything she could find that might be able to aid in Kakashi's recovery she needed to quickly bring back to Tazuna's. Looking around as she pulled herbs, weeds, and flowers, she felt like this must have been the exact same little clearing in which she'd met Haku in her previous life. Stupid Haku and Zabuza: I'll get you for kidnapping me! Unlike her foxy partner, Naruto still didn't want to kill the jerks, she just wanted to prank or scare the hell out of them to make sure they never touched her or hers again!

Shikaku and some ANBU guy had analyzed Kakashi's bloodwork and they were stumped as to exactly what he'd been given. "Don't worry, though, Naruto. We know the chemical compounds that are affecting him, so we'll just counteract them one by one if we have to." Shikaku had been so calm when he said it, but the hesitancy rolling off the silent ANBU guy was unnerving.

Kakashi HAS to be alright!

Feeling chakra behind her, she looked over to see a small toad. "Hey little guy, I didn't summon you here! Whatcha doin'?" The toad didn't reply, and Naruto continued searching for the list of things she needed to find here. Fortunately, Shikaku had already injected Kakashi with something he wouldn't discuss, and now her husband's blood pressure was fine and he at least seemed comfortable. It had been incredibly difficult seeing him sweat and look like he was in pain, even though he'd spent most of the last day out cold.

"Are you a talker?" Again, the toad just sat there staring at her blankly. "Let me guess, Gamakaiyo sent you over to keep watch on me? That guy's so nice." No response. Weirdo. "Or was it Ma or Pa?" She scraped some bark off a nearby tree on the ground before realizing it wasn't even the right species she was looking for. Kurama was sleeping like the pain in the butt he was, earlier stating that since "the mutt" was out of danger, he felt no need to help her any longer.

Feeling a cold sensation drifting toward her from the other side of the woods, she made a clone to send back to Shikaku with her little collection from the clearing and henged herself into a dark-haired pale man. The toad was still staring at her, so she pet its little head. "Fate's a bitch, ne? Ugh, I can't seem to get away from meeting this guy here." Naruto groaned as the cold sensation turned icy. The natural blonde compressed her chakra as much as she could, wishing she had some kind of seal to hide it entirely.

She could see him now, outfitted once again in a pretty pink kimono. It totally sucked that she didn't really have a plan for this. She'd been so busy with Kakashi - not to mention being kidnapped, you ass...

"Hello," asshole. "I didn't expect to find anyone else out here." Especially a kidnapping rogue ninja. Naruto was still pissed about being taken.

"Nor did I," Haku said easily, picking up a few dandelions.

"You're so pretty, nee-chan," Naruto tilted her head up at the Yuki and hoped it made her look innocent. If she wasn't mistaken, Haku looked a bit put out at being referred to as female. Naruto allowed her now dark hair to cover her face to hide the shit-eating grin that threatened to overtake her.

"Uh, thank you. You're quite a... nice-looking boy, yourself," Haku added unenthusiastically. Naruto almost snorted: this was so much like a part of her past life's conversation with him, although at that time, Haku had seemed very interested in Naruto. She then remembered wondering back at their first encounter if he'd figured out her gender. Wouldn't that be something? I was teamed with supposed geniuses most of the time, yet none of them knew I was a girl for years except this one guy I only met briefly. Maybe.

"So, nee-chan, whatcha doin' out here?"

"Only taking a walk. I saw this clearing and thought I would pick up some supplies," Haku replied casually.

Supplies huh? From the selections you're making, it looks like someone's sick. "Say, nee-chan," Naruto definitely saw Haku's brow tick in a degree of frustration, "are you a ninja?"

"Why would you ask that?" Haku said, finally giving the henged Naruto all of her attention. He'd also put each of his hands inside the opposite sleeves of his kimono.

And here I am with all my weapons sealed. Naruto did have senbon readily available, just like she was sure that Haku had; his were almost certainly up his sleeves. "Kurama, wake up you furry menace," she hissed to her partner. Fortunately, the bijuu stirred in her mind, but he didn't reply.

"Well you said you were getting supplies, so I thought maybe you were a ninja! I guess that's just cuz I really want to be one someday, ya know? I wish I was one already, cuz then I'd be able to protect those precious to me. Do you have someone precious to you, nee-chan?" Haku's stance visibly relaxed and he looked thoughtful, Naruto thought.

"Indeed I do. So you have someone you wish to protect as well?"

"Hai! I learned a long time ago from someone really smart that the only way to be really strong is if I keep in mind that I'm doing it to protect," Naru added, keeping a childish tone.

Haku smiled quite genuinely. "It sounds as though your sensei was very wise."

You are wise, Haku. If only you knew how much Zabuza cares for you. Still, kidnapping is just so wrong! "Nee-chan! Your smile's so pretty!" Yeah, his eye definitely twitched! "Oh! I guess I shoulda asked if you were a kunoichi! Sorry about that!" Haku turned away from her, but Naruto definitely saw his face beginning to turn red.

Kurama rolled his eyes as Naruto was all but bouncing up and down in her mindscape, something that always happened when she was pranking someone.

Kakashi's mind was oddly rather blank.

Really, he'd only just remembered who he even was. He couldn't feel most of his body but figured that he was either on the verge of death again or perhaps being healed from something he couldn't remember. Concentrating harder, he became concerned upon remembering his last panicked memory of his heart beginning to beat faster before he fell into darkness again.

Alright: I'm alive. He could only see a white gauzy film around him but could feel his chakra coils now, at least. They felt oddly stretched, however; the best way he could describe the feeling was that his coils were "rubbery." Huh. I'm really tired.

Bleck. There was a bitter taste in his mouth. For some reason every time he woke up to this bland whitespace, it was as if the bitterness was renewed. He needed to brush his teeth, but he couldn't feel his hands or arms.

Scenes from Icha-Icha played out in his mind. Although the series was always centered on curvaceous pale blonde women, usually with honey brown or gold eyes, in his mind he saw bright blonde hair and electric blue eyes. Weird. Sighing happily, he allowed the images to continue until he felt too tired to keep the fantasy going.

Naruto. He snorted. Yeah, he had been imagining doing all that with Naruto. He didn't bother to suppress his giggles. No one was here, anyway.

He wasn't hurting anymore! The burns he'd had... Wait! Naruto! Fuck, no! Sensei, I can't fail again!

"Whoa there, brat. Calm down, everything's fine," Shikaku mumbled, looking bored as usual.

"Narujsho!" Crap, my mouth's not working, Kakashi thought. "Tzo shed... mwuh." He realized he could barely move his arms.

"Articulate as always, Hatake," Shikaku replied before being pushed to the side by his wife.

"Kakashi!" Tears welled in Naruto's clone's eyes. She was so glad to see him awake, but was also freaking out! Boss would want to be here when he wakes up, but who knows what she's doing with that ice guy! I can't just do a Kawarimi with her!

She was pushed aside by the nondescript ANBU who was obviously a med nin that began examining Kakashi. The clone got bossy when the man tried to have Kakashi drink something and she took over for him, pulling Kakashi close to her and holding the back of his head against her chest. The clone felt rather giddy about it, especially when Kakashi began to slowly drink whatever Shikaku had concocted. The ANBU harshly gripped her shoulder to pull her away after he had finished drinking, forcing her to pop.

"What the hell is she up to?" Shikaku asked. He sat down and waited until Kakashi could talk. There was much to discuss.

Naruto's eyes widened as her clone's memories hit her. She struggled to hold back her relief, and unfortunately, Haku noticed. He also took a long look at the silent toad that was still just sitting there next to a tree.

"Something wrong?" Haku asked while slowly backing away casually. He really didn't want to be forced to hurt anyone.

"No, no. Hey, have you seen a felled Ash or Alder around here? I've been out searching."

"Back there," Haku pointed to an area Naruto had already searched.

With Kakashi now awake, she really didn't have time for this shit anymore. Turning toward the area he mentioned, Naruto saw him trying to make a subtle escape. "Haku-kun." The kimono-wearing shinobi's eyes became huge. "I know you're trying to get money for the Mist insurgency."

"H - how did you know?" Haku flinched at his own words, cursing himself. First, he never should have admitted it, and secondly, Zabuza-sama would be disappointed in him for not attacking this person who seemed to know him and their plans.

"Forget it, Haku. The revolution's over."

"What do YOU know about it?!" Haku felt his cheeks redden in both anger and embarrassment over such an outburst. It's simply adrenaline: stay cool. "You don't know anything," he nearly hissed.

"I know enough. There's a new leader in the Mist. I bet she'd be glad to have one of the seven swordsmen back, not to mention a shinobi as skilled as you are." Naruto sighed heavily, letting out a groan at the end. "Maybe you can do me a favor." Naruto knew it was stupid, but what the hell...

"A favor? Who are you?"

"A sensor. One that never forgets a chakra signature, Haku-kun." Haku's intrigued expression was adorable. "Zabuza mentioned being one of only 'two of the real' swordsmen, right?'" She waved off Haku's expression of horror. Probably freaking out that I know about Zabuza, too. "Look, see if he can get Hoshigaki Kisame out of the criminal organization he's in; bring him back to the Mist, ne? The dude's probably gonna die if he stays with it, and you know... Maybe we can be allies!" And maybe I won't have to deal with him and his damn sword, Samehada.

"Allies?" Naruto had been so strung out about actually going through with this absurd plan that she hadn't realized that Haku was continuing to shift and back away until now.

"Hai, hai: allies. Well - shit, I can't believe I'm gonna do this," Naruto chuckled grimly at herself. She really was still just a knucklehead. Taking a deep breath, she dropped her henge. "IF YOU TRY TO KIDNAP ME AGAIN I WON'T HOLD BACK YOU DUMBASS!" She had to yell as Haku had sunshinned away after seeing her real appearance. Suddenly she felt chakra rolling and enlarging from the toad. No... She couldn't even LOOK at him!

"Genin Uzumaki. What have you done now?"

Turning, she saw him and could barely speak. "Eh - Ero-sennin!"

"Don't call me that you brat!" Jiraiya watched his goddaughter's - dear gods has she grown up - eyes well up with tears. They quickly streamed down her face. Here we go again...