Class 1-A
Izzy M- Izuku Midoriya
Bomberman - Katsuki Bakugo
Sonic - Tenya Iida
Ninja Mina - Mina Ashido
Bass Bitch - Kyoka Jiro
Froppy - Tsuyu Asui
Tentacle Hentai - Mezo Shoji
Thermostat - Shoto Todoroki
Discount Sue Storm - Toru Hagakure
Phill Swift's Lovechild - Hanta Sero
Surprised Pichu - Denki Kaminari
Knuckles - Eijiro Kirishima
French Fry - Yuga Aoyama
Tails - Mashirao Ojiro
Deus Ex Machina - Momo Yaoyorozu
Anti-Grav - Ochaco Uraraka
Ultra Furry - Koji Koda
Sugar Daddy - Rikido Sato
Tsukuyomi - Fumikage Tokoyami
Purple Haze - Hitoshi Shinso
Class 1-B
Battle Fist - Itsuka Kendo
Reptar - Setsuna Tokage
Poison Ivy - Ibara Shiozaki
My Little Pony - Pony Tsunotori
Literal Iron Man - Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu
Big Three
Swole Vault Boy - Mirio Togata
CutieDevil - Nejire Hado
Support
MeiDay Parade - Mei Hatsume
Civilians
Lesser Jedi - Inko Midoriya
Drunk Dragon - Hisashi Midoriya
UA Staff
Cryptic - Nezu
Offbrand Batman - Eraserhead
Banshee - Present Mic
Dr. Sleep - Midnight
White Mage - Recovery Girl
Eli - Vlad King
All Might - All Might
3:00 pm on a Tuesday
Slip of the Tongue
Surprised Pichu: Anyone ever wonder who it was that looked at a pineapple and decided it was a good idea to eat it?
Izzy M: Who looked at a bunch of beads and thought it was a good idea to shove them up his ass?
Surprised Pichu: Probably the same guy.
Izzy M: I hope he washed his hands between the two.
Ninja Mina: You two are strange.
Bass Bitch: Makes me think these two should be the ones dating.
Anti-Grav: I wonder what a date between Deku and Kaminari would be like.
Surprised Pichu: Where would you take me on a date Midoriya?
Izzy M: That's a good question.
Surprised Pichu: It's a really good question. I want to know. I want to know the answer, baby.
Bomberman: Pichu is getting really into this.
Izzy M: I'll think about it for a second. Well I would just, I would pick you up and then I take you out for dinner just do the customary stuff.
Surprised Pichu: But where are we going?Where are we going for dinner?
Izzy M: Pasta Heaven
Surprised Pichu: That sounds wonderful. Where's...
Izzy M: There's a new restaurant that I've opened up that I actually opened up myself just for you, just for you.
Thermostat: Is it just me or is Midoriya trying too hard?
Knuckles: He's trying as hard as he can. So manly.
Surprised Pichu: Wow sounds lovely.
Izzy M: It's called Pasta Heaven.
Surprised Pichu: Uh-huh.
Izzy M: You know what they're gonna have served there...
Surprised Pichu: It was going so well we got to Pasta Heaven and I walked in and immediately I saw...
Izzy M: It was just a big empty room.
Surprised Pichu: Your restaurant sucks. This is more like Pasta Hell now.
Izzy M: You walk in and it's just an empty room, right?
Surprised Pichu: Okay...
Izzy M: And there's one chair.
Surprised Pichu: What is this? What's happening?
Izzy M: So initially you're a little bit likewhat the fuck is thisand so I understand that's why you had that bad reaction.
Surprised Pichu: But really there's a surprise waiting for me?
Izzy M: But there's a lot more that's gonna happen here at Pasta Forever or whatever.
Surprised Pichu: Pasta Heaven
Izzy M: I changed it to Pasta Forever
Surprised Pichu: Pasta Forever...
Izzy M: Yes, it's now called Pasta Forever. I have to change the name because I get bad yelp reviews, every time someone comes in so I just change the name. So as you walk into the store we're just changing the sign…
Anti-Grav: Your putting way too much effort into this.
Bass Bitch: I'm kind of enjoying this.
Surprised Pichu: Okay...
Izzy M: ...to say Pasta Forever
Surprised Pichu: Alright
Izzy M: Alright so, welcome to Pasta Forever! I'm your maitre d'. I'm Izuku.
Surprised Pichu: Excellent
Izzy M: And I brought you here.
Surprised Pichu: What free things are on the menu because that's a very important thing, if you're going to have a restaurant there has to be free stuff.
Izzy M: Everything is free for you, Denki. You're my very special guest.
Deus Ex Machina: How can you afford all this?
Ninja Mina: It's a hypothetical date Momo. Relax.
Surprised Pichu: Ohhhhh!
Izzy M:Have a seat on this little chair.
Surprised Pichu: Okay well that's a minus because I have a big big ass, so the chair has to be big.
Izzy M: There's no table.
Surprised Pichu: Haha, alright.
Izzy M: So what do you do?
Surprised Pichu: I sit on the chair.
Izzy M: Alright.
Surprised Pichu: Is this a trap?
Izzy M: No, we're just like role-playing.
Surprised Pichu: Okay, I sit on the chair and I put my feet up on the bar underneath the chair and I kinda like nervously twiddle my thumbs and look around.
Izzy M: Alright, I hand you the menu.
Surprised Pichu: Ok, I take the menu and I look at it and I'm looking for eggplant parmesan. Do I find it?
Izzy M: There is no pasta on the menu, just one item.
Sonic: Why would a place with pasta in the name not have pasta.
Froppy: I'm confused.
Surprised Pichu: No pasta...What's the item?
Izzy M: It's the...the...what's the item on the menu?
Surprised Pichu: Yeah, what's the ONE ITEM on the menu?
Izzy M: It's... it's a picture of my dick.
Surprised Pichu: That's all that's on the menu? Just your dick?
Izzy M: Well there are a variety of sauces and garnishes. Would you like to hear about those options?
Surprised Pichu: Sure...
Izzy M: Okay, we've got mayonnaise.
Surprised Pichu: Mayonnaise for your dick.
Izzy M: Lube.
Surprised Pichu: Lube isn't a sauce.
Izzy M: Well it's lube sauce. It's like Worcestershire lube. We've got...
Surprised Pichu: Ginger, do you have ginger?
Izzy M: No, parsley.
Surprised Pichu: Parsley. Okay
Izzy M: Raw cucumbers...
Surprised Pichu: Oh god, what about any like sauteed mushrooms?
Izzy M: No no nothing cooked. There's sperm sauce.
Surprised Pichu: Oh man.
Izzy M: It's kinda like soy sauce.
Surprised Pichu: That's the worst.
Izzy M: There's...
Surprised Pichu: Can I get peanut butter and jelly... weiner?
Izzy M: No no, no peanut butter, no jelly.
Phill Swift's Lovechild: This is an oddly lacking restaurant.
Reptar: I don't think it's a real restaurant.
Surprised Pichu: What about just some A1 dick sauce?
Izzy M: Yeah we do have A1 dick sauce. Alright so...
Surprised Pichu: Alright, I'll take your dick with some A1 dick sauce
Izzy M: Okay got it and you want to do a little bit...you want a little piece of parsley?
Surprised Pichu: A garnish of parsley...
Izzy M: I recommend it...
Surprised Pichu: Yeah that's fine.
Izzy M: Okay
Surprised Pichu: Could you also serve it on a bed of lettuce?
Izzy M: No it comes served on a pants...
Surprised Pichu: A pair of pants?
Izzy M: Okay, do you order it?
Surprised Pichu: Can I at least get a glass of water first?
Izzy M: No
Surprised Pichu: You don't have any glasses. No bread sticks?
Izzy M: Nope.
Surprised Pichu: I'm really hungry though, there's no food?
Izzy M: That's all there is at Pasta Forever.
Anti-Grav: How would your restaurant stay open.
Knuckles: You do remember that he did say that he changes the name everytime someone comes in and leaves a negative yelp review.
Surprised Pichu: Just your dick?
Izzy M: That's all there is to eat, yeah.
Surprised Pichu: Alright, I order it. I order the one item on the menu.
Izzy M: Write it down... one my dick. Got it. Alright, that should be out in a few seconds sir.
Surprised Pichu: Okay.
Izzy M: Just hold on!
Surprised Pichu: Alright, holding on...to what I don't know.
Izzy M: So anyway.
Surprised Pichu: Uh alright, so I wait a few minutes.
Izzy M: Yup.
Surprised Pichu: What happens? Where's my dick?
Izzy M: I come back out and I say "oh sorry Denki we just ran out."
Literal Iron Man: HOW?
Battle Fist: My thoughts exactly.
Surprised Pichu: You ran out of your own penis?
Izzy M: Yeah we ran out of my dick.
Surprised Pichu: Okay, well... can I get some pasta now? That's kind of what I want. I don't actually want...
Izzy M: Nope, nope. We only have my dick and unfortunately we just ran out.
Surprised Pichu: Well alright well, I guess I'll... get going.
Izzy M: Now hold on a second, date's not over yet.
Poison Ivy: How much worse could this date get?
My Little Pony: You'd be surprised.
Surprised Pichu: Alright, it's been a terrible date so far like I'm hungry. I'm confused.
Izzy M: Sorry dinner didn't work out. It's just what we ran out of my dick.
Surprised Pichu: Okay
Izzy M: What happened was I went back you know to get my dick in the kitchen and I had sex with someone else.
Surprised Pichu: Okay, it only took a couple minutes?
Izzy M: Yeah and then I came I came back out and... but I wasn't ready to go so I couldn't give you my dick for dinner.
Surprised Pichu: Okay, well I'm just gonna go home then, I guess.
Izzy M: Wait wait wait. Denki, don't leave. You want to go to a movie?
Surprised Pichu: Okay well what movie do you want me to take you to. I can go to a movie, I guess. It's has been a while.
Izzy M: Alright, well uh okay...Yeah, we're gonna go to the theater.
Surprised Pichu: Yeah.
Izzy M: So you walk outside of the building and then I turn you around and you look up at the marquee and it says "Theater."
Surprised Pichu: Okay, so it doesn't list any of the movies that are up?
Izzy M: It's the same building...You go back inside and there's just the one chair again.
Surprised Pichu: Okay... well uh... at this point...I don't think I'm...I can see what's going on here.
Izzy M: There's a movie screen.
Surprised Pichu: There's a movie screen? Alright, I'll cautiously sit down. See where this takes me. Okay, so I sat down. I'm waiting for the movie to start, I guess.
Izzy M: Yep.
Surprised Pichu: No okay...
Izzy M: Alright.
Surprised Pichu: Anything happening?
Izzy M: So I'm going back to start up the camera...oh, I mean the film.
Surprised Pichu: Right.
Izzy M: And the film starts up.
Bomberman: So you turned your restaurant to a theatre in less than a minute.
Bass Bitch: That's dedication.
Ninja Mina: The movie is going to be his dick. Calling it now.
Surprised Pichu: Wow, okay right oh man getting really exciting, looking forward to this!
Izzy M: Yup yup and there's a couple previews.
Surprised Pichu: Okay previews, I like previews.
Izzy M: There's a preview for a new Adam Sandler movie.
Surprised Pichu: Eww. What...?
Izzy M: Sometimes you just gotta watch previews for Adam Sandler movies.
Surprised Pichu: As long as it's not actually an Adam Sandler movie that's playing, should be okay.
Izzy M: Nope no. So, the movie starts and it's a close-up of my dick coming out of my pants.
Ninja Mina: Called it.
Thermostat: You got lucky this time.
Surprised Pichu: Oh... kay.
Izzy M: Appears to be in the back room of the building that we're in.
Surprised Pichu: Right. I'm closing my eyes and I'm just going to close my eyes and what does it sound like? What... is there sound in this snuff film?
Izzy M: Yeah. Actually the soundtrack is We Built This City on Rock and Roll.
Surprised Pichu: Okay.
Izzy M: By Jefferson Airplane.
Surprised Pichu: It's a good song at least. So I'm just kind of closing my eyes listening to that song.
Izzy M: And then you hear...you just hear my voice over the loudspeaker. Diiiiiiiiiiiiiick.
Surprised Pichu: Sure
Izzy M: Dick dick dick dick dick dick dick. I just say that over and over. Saying dick. Saying dick a lot. This goes on for about 15 minutes.
Surprised Pichu: Okay... 15 minutes of dick. At that point I'm pretty done. I think I'm just gonna like get up and turn around and leave. Walk out the door.
Sonic: Should have done that before Midoriya brought his dick up.
Discount Sue Storm: I find it weird hearing Iida swear.
Izzy M: Alright, so you leave.
Surprised Pichu: Yup. Done. I'm going home.
Izzy M: Alright. Outside of the restaurant a truck drives into you.
Surprised Pichu: What? My eyes are open, okay?
Izzy M: You're alive.
Surprised Pichu: What?
Izzy M: But you're unconscious.
Surprised Pichu:How could I not see that truck coming?
Izzy M:All you see is me standing over you and pulling my pants down.
Anti-Grav: Oh god no.
Phil Swift's Lovechild: This is funnier than the Austin Powers novelization.
Surprised Pichu: I'm gonna grab your penis and yank real hard.
Izzy M: You can't. You're totally injured from the truck.
Surprised Pichu: Oh...
Izzy M: I pee on your face and then I run away.
Surprised Pichu: That's... that was the worst date ever.
Izzy M: Yup. That was the date...
Surprised Pichu: That was just terrible. It started out like it was going to be fun. I'm still really hungry and now I'm in pain.
Izzy M: But that guy who ran you over with his truck...he actually just has like a snack bar, like a granola bar
Surprised Pichu: Okay, Imma gonna eat some snacks or a snack bar.
Izzy M: He offers you one while you wait for the ambulance.
Surprised Pichu: I'm gonna eat it. Is it a cliff bar? Is it like a cool mint cliff bar? Those are my favorite.
Izzy M: Uh no.
Surprised Pichu: What is it? Oh no, it's one of those like Mexican ones, right?
Izzy M: Yeah.
Surprised Pichu: Like spicy ones for some reason. Why would you want your candy and sweet things to be spicy?
Thermostat: He has a point.
Bomberman: You're an idiot, IcyHot. That sounds awesome.
Izzy M: For some reason, it's really spicy.
Surprised Pichu: Gross. That was the worst date imaginable.
Izzy M: Yes sorry sorry.
Surprised Pichu: That's how you got Jiro?
Izzy M: No no not at all. I did not have to hit Kyoka with a bus. I hit her with a smaller vehicle.
Surprised Pichu: Your penis! Haha! It's the smallest vehicle in the world!
Bomberman: BURN!
Authors Note: Chapter 47 answers: Izuku's grandmother is a mix between my mother and Nikki Sixx's mother in The Dirt, The Keeper Of Worlds made a cameo appearance as the harpoon wielding, NPH quoting badass, obscure facts about the pineapple, everyone knows about wish at this point, Deku was pretty much Suicide Squad Jared Leto, latex actually makes my skin break out. This whole chapter was one big reference.
As Always
Later