Time flies by. That's the only excuse I have for the long wait. And an exam that I had to study for. And of course work. And since we're still in the middle of a pandemic, work's pretty dire at the moment. If you're working in what's called system relevant profession ;-)

I hope I can make some of you happy with this new chapter.

And thanks for leaving a review. It's always nice to read them!

Chapter L

To Severide's chagrin, Kidd was right, and the somewhat annoyed brunette nurse was still on duty. And as already assumed by his boss and his girlfriend, the night was not a walk through the park for either side.

Kelly was having a hard time settling down, which resulted in his mood getting worse than bad. Several times he got up and unplugged his ECG- cables. And as previously promised, the nurse came to his bed every time and specifically reminded him of his bed rest.

Besides, there was almost hourly neurological monitoring that did not let him fall asleep even if he tried. In the end, the nurse didn't even have to ask the questions because the moment the curtain was pulled aside, he was already mumbling, "Kelly Severide, September 26th, 2018, Chicago Med, got hit on the head during a fall. Pain: about three to four."

At hour five or so, the nurse even had to smile at the passive performance of her patient, and she said, "Lieutenant, you know it's not a real check-up if you count it down by heart. So, I'll have to try something different."

He slowly opened one eye and blinked at her, "Uh, what now?"

"I want to know why you're not sleeping?" She looked at him, and a slight worry flickered thru her eyes. "I know you must be tired. After a day like this and the dose of medication you're already on, I'd be in a coma by now," she admitted.

"Well, I guess this place isn't particularly inviting to sleep," he mumbled his assumption.

"You know, someone might think, as a firefighter, you'd be more used to loud bunkrooms and snoring colleagues," she smiled.

Severide straightened up a bit, "Yeah, I guess that might be right, but normally I sleep in my own office," he huffed.

"Oh, I see. Perks of being a hot-shot Lieutenant. Good for you."

Severide didn't know if she was honest or trying to tease him a bit. It didn't matter to him, and he was too tired to care. His headache wasn't as severe and painfully as before, but the dull throbbing was distracting and didn't help with his restlessness at all.

"So, tell me," the nurse asked point blank, "what's keeping you up? It's almost morning, and you didn't sleep more than an hour and a half all in all."

He tried to stretch out his aching muscles and rubbed his hand over his face. He looked at her and found her eyes almost friendly as if she might actually care about his answer, so he admitted, "I don't know. Guess I kinda have a lot of thoughts running thru my mind at the moment. Can't really stop them."

"Really? So, there's actually a brain behind that stubborn skull after all?" And with a smirk, she added, "who'd have thought."

Severide didn't answer that. He sat up straight in bed and looked at her with sad eyes. The nurse pushed his blanket aside and took her place on the edge of the bed. She looked at him closely and sighed, "I know you're worried about your colleague."

Kelly nodded shyly. "He's not just that. He's my friend. More like a brother, actually."

The nurse knowingly nodded and informed him, "I spoke to my colleague in the intensive care unit. Called her about twenty minutes ago."

Severide's eyes widened with surprise upon hearing this.

The nurse could sense his nervousness and quickly told him, "Your brother's doing fine, so far. His condition's still stable, if not a little better."

Kelly listened intently. "Adriana told me that Dr. Choi and Dr. Halstead were both with him several times during the night. They are very satisfied. I'm probably not allowed to tell you this, but I guess my obligation to look after you gives me some leeway. And since you're my patient, and I'm just trying to get you to rest finally, I guess I can bend the rules a bit. So: Adriana told me that the plan is to wake Captain Casey up later today. And if he's doing good, he could be extubated later that same day."

Kelly was relieved to hear that. "That's good, isn't it," he asked shyly?

"Yes, that's certainly a good thing," confirmed the nurse with a reassuring smile on her lips. "You may not know, but before I started here, I was also an ICU nurse. I know such cases very well."

"Really," asked Severide?"

"Yes. And I can honestly say that most of them end in a positive light. People usually recover from such accidents fairly quickly," and she smiled at him as she added with confidence, "especially firefighters."

Severide looked at the nurse with what she could only describe as a suspicious frown. She could tell he needed more of an explanation.

"You know, it's almost like the universe is trying to make amends. To give justice to those who deserve it the most."

"Do you really believe that," muttered Kelly, "that there's such a thing as justice for first responders?"

"Of course, dear," she smiled at him. "I have to. The universe always tries to create some kind of balance. Whether it's the chemicals in our body or the atoms in the air that we breathe. Everything has to find its balance. And I know that when you do good, good comes back."

Kelly let her opinion on the subject sink in. He tried to be influenced by her positive mood and smiled at her, "I think I like your kind of worldview." Then he chuckled and smirked, "looks like there's actually a heart under your stone-cold nurse-attitude, after all." And he winked at her, "who would have thought?"

"Uh, I don't know what you're talking about, Mister! I've always been a model of a Florence Nightingale." She put her hand on his leg when she stood up and told him, "Now you have to rest. Try to sleep at least through the morning. I'm not going to bother you again. My night shift's almost over. And I can happily announce that you're ready to move on to a regular ward. I guess Dr. Abrams will feel the same way. Take care of yourself, Lieutenant. And don't worry so much about that Captain of yours. He's going to be fine."

After the last conversation with the nurse, Severide succeeded in finding some sleep. Maybe it was also simply the exhaustion that finally demanded its tribute.

When he was awakened at eight o'clock, next time, another nurse asked the well-known questions.

He suspected that the new shift had already started, and the brunette nurse had already been sent home. He was happy for her. And he felt somewhat grateful that she managed to lessen his fear with their conversation in the morning hours and that she actually had encouraged him to think positive.

Not many people were able to do that. Severide never thought of himself as a hard case of a pessimist, but in his line of work, being an incurable optimist wasn't an option either.

The morning went by quickly, as he was taken to several tests, like a re-head CT and x-rays, before he finally could move into a more private room.

Stella had texted him roughly around six o'clock in the morning. It must have been shortly after he managed to fall asleep so, he couldn't answer her right away, which led to more texts and a somewhat anxious phone call around 10:30 am when Kelly finally contacted her.

"How have you been? I was worried when I didn't hear from you."

"I'm good, Stella, really. I finally managed to catch some sleep around five or six in the morning."

"That's good. Rest is the best thing you can do right now."

"Guess you're right, cause my head's a lot better today. And no more double vision."

"Thank God! Good to hear. Kelly, that's great." He could hear her sigh in relief. "I'm so happy you're doing better. I was really worried yesterday."

"Don't be. I'm good." He felt terrible for putting her thru such worries. So, he tried to make her believe in his quick recovery more by telling her, "guess what? I even managed to keep down my breakfast."

"So, no more puking?"

"Nope," he told her and added, "I smell great today."

"I bet you do. And I'll be checking out your scent in, "she looked at the clock, "in about 45 minutes. Depends on the traffic."

"You don't have to come by," Severide said, even if he didn't mean a word of it. He knew he needed her here.

"Oh no. No. Kelly Severide," she almost yelled at him. "Don't even think for a second you can shut me out. I'm coming, and that's the end of it."

He smiled but didn't let it on, as he casually answered her, "if you insist. Oaky. But bring me some clothes, would you? I can't stand this hospital gown."

"Copy that. Already packed a few things yesterday." She let him know, "but it's really a shame. Kinda find the skirt sexy. Compliments your ankles."

"I probably can snitch one if you like it that much."

"Uhm, on a second thought, I like your turnout gear much more."

"And I'd like to wear nothing at all when I'm with you."

"Kelly Severide, is that so?" He could hear her light laughter, "Well, I guess I've to talk to your doctor to get that discharge of yours speeded up."

"You do that, and I can promise you I'll make it worth your while." Kelly teased.

For a few minutes, this light conversation continued until Kelly was interrupted by a nurse and had to hang up.

Stella was more than relieved when she made her way to the hospital. Before that, she had sent Boden a text message to update him. A brief moment of guilt overcame her when Kidd read Boden's reply where he wanted to know about Casey. She had to admit that she hadn't asked. Stella was just so thankful and happy that Kelly sounded so relaxed that she didn't want to depress his mood. But she only replied to her boss with a brief, "Don't know. Didn't hear anything. Guess that's a good sign."

Boden seemed content with that and told her they would see each other later. He was on his way to headquarters but would join them at the hospital later.

Kidd entered Severide's room only 50 minutes after their chat, but it almost had felt like a whole day for Kelly. He was still looking a bit sick, and Stella winced at the sight of his bruised hips when he changed into the comfortable clothes, she had brought him.

"Ouch! That looks bad," she said.

"It's fine," Kelly mumbled, "I've had worse."

"Looks like I've got to be careful with you for the next few days."

She approached him and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "I missed you tonight. I have a confession to make."

"Oho, what did you do," he asked with a smirk on his face because he knew it wouldn't be something dramatic?

"Sleeping without you next to me isn't something I like." She whispered in his ear.

Kelly kissed her back and stroked her hair, "I totally agree."

"Okay, so let's not do this again," she told him and asked a second later, "when are they gonna let you leave?"

"Uhm, don't know. No one came to see me. Guess we'll have to wait."

"Okay," she replied, a bit sad. She hoped he was going to say that he would be at home with her later today.

Kelly sat back on his bed and sighed. Stella could see his mood shifting. His worried look from yesterday came to the surface, and she knew she couldn't avoid the topic any longer.

"How's Casey doing," she asked as she took her place next to him?

"Don't really know. The last I've heard was that he's doing better and that the doctors' plan is to wake him up later that day. But I don't really know."

"Hey, that's great. Sounds like he's gonna pull …", but a deep sigh coming from next to her cut her off.

"I don't know what to do if he's not." His anyway whispering voice broke, and Stella immediately faced him and engulfed him in a heartwarming hug. She stroked his back and reassured him, "He's gonna be fine, Kelly. Casey's gonna be fine." She rubbed his back gently once more and felt his body shaking.

When she heard his soft sobbing, she began to put her hands on his cheeks and sensitively forced him to look at her.

"Hey, don't," she warned him. "Don't do this. Don't give up. He's such a strong guy. He's gonna pull through. You hear me? He's Casey. He's gonna be fine."

He looked at her with his sad blue eyes and stammered, "All I know is I can't do this again."

Stella gently wiped the tears from his cheek as she listened carefully.

"Stella, I mean it! I just can't do this. Not anymore. I just can't."

"You won't have to. Believe me. Everything will be fine."

Severide broke out of the hug and stood up. His nervousness and fear for Casey just didn't let him sit still anymore. He had to move and somehow get rid of that negative energy. He could feel the headache slowly coming back, and his stomach was tensing up again.

"If Matt, ..." he took a deep breath. "I can't, not after Andy and Shay. I can't lose someone again. And certainly not Casey. I just can't."

"Wow, wow, Kelly. Slow down! You not gonna lose him." She looked at him with worry. His agitated state wasn't something she was used to. An angry and pouting Severide she knew and could handle, but this nervous and desperate Kelly was absolutely new territory for her.

"I can't." He was on the verge of hyperventilating. "All I can think of is, … he's not gonna make it. Or he will and then moves a million miles away, cause he can't be a firefighter and I'm here, and he's not. And I lose him either way."

Stella walked up to him and stopped his frantic pacing.

"Kelly, stop! Just take a deep breath! You're giving yourself a heart attack. Take it easy. Breathe in and out: slowly!"

Severide tried to follow her breathing pattern. She guided him through it, and finally, he managed to calm down to the point where he was able to sit down on the bed again. Stella already next to him.

After a while, she asked, "better?"

He nodded and mumbled, "thanks."

"Kelly, I get it. You're allowed to freak out." She shyly told him, "but I'm not used to it."

"Me neither," Kelly replied honestly.

"It scares the hell out of me," Stella took his hand and softly placed a kiss on it. "But I'm here, Kelly. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere, and whatever happens. You've got me. You hear me?"

Severide mustered a smile and looked her in the eyes. "I'm glad you're here."

"Okay, now that we've got that established. Why don't we call for the nurse and get you something for that headache? Later we can try to see Casey. If his docs are gonna allow us."

And that was what they did. Kelly took his medication, and his headache quieted down as fast as it had appeared, and he was much calmer when Dr. Halstead finally entered his room.

"Hey, you two," he greeted them friendly. "How are you doing, Kelly?"

"Much better. Thanks." And before the red-headed doctor could say something more, he asked, "What's the word on Casey?"

Halstead looked at him and could tell he was adamant about talking about his friend's condition before he would speak any more about himself. So, the doctor didn't deny his patient's wish and told him, "He's good. The night was uneventful, and I talked with Dr. Choi this morning. We're in agreement about the next step. We gonna try to wake him up later and see how he responds to that."

"And what about the respirator," Severide asked, remembering the conversation with his night nurse earlier?

"We'll look into that as well. But first, we need to know how his brain is doing."

Kelly and Stella both looked astonished at each other. Kidd could feel Kelly's breath stuck, and she gently retook his hand in hers. She cleared her throat and asked in the name of both of them, "What's that supposed to mean? His brain?"

Halstead's look was displaying a bit of discomfort as he tried to calm any anxieties down, "As you know, Casey had suffered a bad case of smoke inhalation. He was deprived of oxygen for quite some time. And his stats weren't that great when we first treated him. It took us some time to get him intubated due to some swelling."

Kelly frowned at him, and as he was listening, he began to understand what the other one was worried about, "so, what? You're talking about brain damage? You're kidding, right?"

Halstead sighed and tried to say something but wasn't able to do it because Kelly stood up quickly and almost ambushed him with his next questions, "That never came up yesterday! Where's that suddenly coming from? Are you serious?"

Stella tried to calm him down and told him, "Hey, Kelly, let Will talk. I'm sure he's just trying to check all the boxes here."

"Stella's right," Will said. He faced Kelly and tried to explain, "we don't know anything right now. But it's protocol to check for any neurological damage after asphyxiation. That's what this was. Casey wasn't getting enough oxygen over a certain period of time, and we have to rule brain damage out. We've already talked about that back at Casey's after the alcohol poisoning. You remember?"

Kelly's thoughts immediately went back to Matt's bedroom that night. He had been just as concerned then, but it all turned out well. Maybe it was the same now, he hoped.

Severide was so preoccupied with his fear and insecurity that he didn't even notice Stella's puzzled look. But Will saw it and immediately began to apologize, "Oh God, I'm so sorry if I gave anything away. I just didn't think about it, and ... I'm sorry, Severide, I really didn't intend to cause any trouble."

Severide's gaze switched back and forth between the two until he finally reacted, "What the hell, Will! Stella doesn't know!"

Halstead looked at Kidd pleadingly, "Please just forget what I said."

"I haven't heard anything. Even if I did, I don't know what it's about."

Kelly pinched the bridge of his nose before he looked over at her and sighed, "I'll tell you about this later."

She still eyed him a bit puzzled but finally nodded with understanding, "You don't have to if you don't want to."

Kelly shook his head slightly and sighed as he looked at Will. "Please try to keep your mouth shut in front of the chief and any other one from 51, would you? Matt doesn't need this shit to blow up in his face after all."

"Of course," Will agreed, "and again, I'm very sorry. It's been a long night, and I guess I'm just tired and not as alert as I should be."

Kelly stood in front of Will and put his hands in his jacket while looking sternly at the doctor, "then I guess you should get some sleep before you go and try to wake Casey up. Cause you better be focused by then." His voice sounded serious and left little room for the other to answer.

Halstead frowned and shook his head, "of course. I'm really sorry."

Kelly took a deep breath to calm himself down and managed to muster the faintest of a smile. "I know that you're sorry. Doesn't mean I'm okay with you blabbing secrets all over the hospital. We're all a bit stressed and a little off. I guess. But we should be able to focus and know when to shut up. That's all I'm saying."

Neither of them said anything more. They just glared at each other until Stella broke the silence, "Uhm, guys. I really don't care what that was all about, but can we get back to the present? We have bigger things to worry about, apparently. So." She turned to Will, "when are you and Dr. Choi planning on trying to wake Casey up?"

The doctor cleared his throat and switched to his professional self, "We thought we would give him at least two more hours, and after a new blood test, we're starting to lower the anesthetics."

Kidd nodded and walked over to Kelly and slung her arms around his waist, "Sounds like a plan."

Kelly stiffened a bit, which worried Stella instantly, but she didn't move an inch. She wasn't going to let him drift away from her, even if she knew that he wanted to isolate himself right now. To let him know, she squeezed him a bit tighter and whispered, "We're in this together." She sounded determined and addressed Will once more, "Please come and get us. We want to be there when Casey wakes up."

Halstead's expression indicated that he didn't exactly approve of what he was hearing. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

That was enough to get Kelly out of his silence, "What's that? Of course, we're there."

Stella was surprised that Kelly was talking about the two of them, and inside she was celebrating a small victory for herself.

Halstead shook his head, "We don't know how Casey will react. Such situations can get pretty intense. I don't think you should see that."

"Let us worry about that," hissed Kelly.

"Better said, I don't know if Casey would want it. I have an obligation to protect his privacy."

"Casey is going to want me there, believe me," Kelly said, "he should have someone he can trust. Someone he can recognize. Not just doctors who focus on his stats."

Will thought for a moment until he finally agreed, "Okay, all right. Maybe it will help him. But be prepared that he might not recognize you right away."

Kelly's facial expression became thoughtful, but he nodded confidently, "I know he would do the same for me."