Cherry Wine- Hozier
Hell Hound On My Trail- Robert Johnson
There's nothing quite like looking up at the great central dome of St. Mark's Basilica in Venice, with the gorgeous gold ground mosaic design of a detailed iconography expressing the mainstays of Christian faith. I had been there a few times in my childhood, and a handful of times as a vampire, before I left my family, and once with the Volturi. Three circles of figures radiate out from a central image of Christ: angels, disciples, and virtues, with each of these circles divided into their own quadrants. The dome itself is radially symmetrical in structure, and each quadrant meets one of the four spandrels in the arches below the dome. These spandrels are mainstays of architectural design- tapering triangular spaces formed by the intersection of two rounded arches at right angles, and necessary byproducts of mounting a dome on rounded arches.
In the basilica, each spandrel contains a design admirably fitted into its tapering space. An evangelist sits in the upper part, flanked by the heavenly cities. Below, a man representing a biblical river pours water from a pitcher down to the narrowing space below his feet.
The design on spandrels is so elaborately harmonious that it seems to be purposefully fit into the grand design. We are even tempted to view it as the starting point of architectural analysis, because they provide a space for the mosaicists to work and set the symmetry for the dome above.
The analogy draws itself into a larger debate on evolutionary adaptation.
For as long as they've been aware of evolution, humans have been sure of the idea that every trait and feature served an evolutionary purpose, that we have two arms because having more or less wouldn't be a favorable trait. That natural selection was purposeful.
But that's naïve. Not everything is the best possible outcome of all possible scenarios, as Doctor Pangloss so insisted in Candide.
The intent of the spandrel wasn't to provide space to paint and enhance the overall design of a domed cathedral. The spandrel was once just a curved area of masonry between arches to support the dome, arising as a consequence of decisions about the shape of the arches and the base of the dome.
We've chosen to make the best out of what we were given. Sometimes, things just happen because that's how they happen, and we figure out how to make it work. For better or for worse, we use the space we're given, and we try to make something beautiful come of it.
It's just an unintended consequence of a series of decisions. Or maybe it's an intended consequence of an unconscious decision.
I wondered if there was something guiding these decisions. God? Krishna? Allah? Nature? It was my decision to come to this cabin in the middle of nowhere, rather than stay home, or go to a hospital, or disappear into a city. But it was Edward's decision to come to this state. It was Emmett's decision to play baseball, leading us out to that exposed field. And it was Alice's decision to stumble for miles through the thickets of the woods, bleeding and unprotected. And my reaction to protecting her was what had intrigued and then provoked James.
I stood over Alice, sweat saturating every smell in the dusty room. The summer heat had left the air damp with humidity, even under the cool blanket of night, and the rickety old air conditioning unit that was attached to the wall wheezed in effort to keep the interior cool.
Where was he? Where was that familiar beat of his heart, the steady sound of his breath? I couldn't hear anything but that air conditioner and Alice's panting breaths, the beat of her heart. I didn't hear anything.
Alice's eyes flew open before I registered anything significant happening beyond the bounds of the room. The whites of her eyes were bloodshot, little spidery lines discoloring the clear, familiar green that reflected the most pure and brightest colors that embodied everything alive. That's what green was to me. It was the teeming color of life of the forest, it was the color of the surface of the ocean that held below it so many mysteries. It was the singular physical trait Alice shared with her twin, the center of my universe, and the marker of their humanity.
Her pupils were broadly dilated, her expression unreadable beyond what was clearly etched on her face- terror. "No!" she gasped, her voice rasping and raw from the burn of her screams.
I waited just a moment, looking down at her for some recognition. But she didn't even seem to register my existence, much less look ready to talk to me after her days in that isolated sleep.
She sat up quickly, blinking away the sleep and what I could guess was probably dizziness from the way her eyes rolled back in her head for a moment. Then, very slowly, she turned her head in the direction opposite me. I followed her gaze, no longer taking her for granted. Alice knew things we didn't- how she knew, I wasn't aware of yet, but I would never dismiss her eccentricities for hallucinations or mental fabrications ever again.
She was staring out the window that looked out over the valley below us, the view of the river clear and dark in the moonless night. The twinkling light of the stars fell at the edges through tree branches, filtering a soft and barely discernible light through the leaves.
It was fleeting, but I saw it. In that green that blanketed the entire world, as far as the eye could see, I saw a flash of stark, bright red off in the distance, like a shock of fire in the safe comfort of snow.
It seemed like hours had passed, slipping away like sand in the desert wind. It had been only a few seconds between leaving Edward just outside the cabin and it dawning on me what had happened.
I could feel my heart in my throat, the ghost of it pounding in terror. And besides that, unresolved but brimming forward and threatening to bring me to my knees, was the fact that this was my fault.
This was entirely my fault. Us being out here in the first place was my fault, but I had lost focus. I put myself and my impulses first when I should have been doing what I promised Edward I would.
My fault. My fault. It was a constant loop in my thoughts, like the background track in an elevator, so I couldn't pause it or ignore it or get away.
I didn't bother with a door. I tore through the wall of the cabin, barreling straight through. I may not have heard anything, but there was a scent. Sickly sweet, like an almost bitter saccharine. How could I not have heard anything? When was the last time I was successfully snuck up on? And Edward… I hadn't registered the absence of his omnipresent heartbeat, and had he cried out for me? Was that something else that I had been too unobservant to take note of?
There was a trail, at least. Small, bare footprints spaced out long enough that it indicated a full sprint, the kind that could be dangerous for the delicate composition of a human. And that scent was still strong and impossible to ignore, like I was standing inside the burnt remnant of a candy store.
I followed the it. My feet flew across the ground, so fast I didn't even leave a trace of my own footsteps behind me. I raced, haphazardly tearing through the trees. The branches whipped in my face and ripped through the windblown knots in my hair, and the roots shrieked as they were torn out of the ground with the force of my blows.
For once, I was gaining on someone I was chasing. I had never been the fastest runner- I had internally supposed it was a mainstay from my days as a not-so-graceful human. And I had never been the pursuer, either. When I was with the Volturi, we never had to give chase. It was futile to run.
And Carlisle and I had to steal away from the Volturi when we left, disappearing and running as fast as we could to get as far away as possible- coming to the other side of the world and staying here. We had run from human authorities on occasion, when a member of our family slipped up in their inexperience of control in their youth.
Running away was second nature, but chasing down was instinctual, driven by the fire of rage and that innate pull of my bond to Edward.
The wind actually whistled around me as I sprinted through the forest. The ground here was hard, not the soft mud I was used to in Washington. It was easy to fly across the ground, propelled by running downhill. In the distance, just ahead, I could the whisper of a giggle echo off the trees. I was close, now. Close enough to hear that familiar pound of Edward's heart, wet and red and alive. I could smell him, enhanced by the adrenaline and curdled with fear, but still as sweet and clear as sunshine and honey.
It was as if I was possessed by someone else. I shouted Edward's name, screamed out for him. He could hear me. I knew he could hear me, and know that I was nearby. He had to know that no matter what, I would always come for him.
I ran, racing after them, and almost in my careless urgency, I almost ploughed straight through him.
He was standing there, in the middle of the woods, in no particular place. His hair was windblown and tangled, dark with sweat at the roots. His heart was pounding, his breaths short and heaving. His dark brows were pulled together, and his head swung around as if he was waiting for something else, and like he couldn't even see me right in front of him.
"Edward," I begged, taking a step towards him. He finally looked down at me, eyes dark with fear but his shoulders slumping in relief. The empty ache was growing with my fear, clawing at my insides as I pushed it down to make room for my empty breaths.
"It w-was V-Victoria." His voice was trembling, and without even his consent I pulled him into my arms. I needed this. Our bond that maintained a constant hold in my chest was burning for his touch, and I melted into him. My face was buried in his chest, right over that heart I held so dearly. His arms came around me, holding me to him, the sign that he felt this connection to at least some superficial degree.
"Bella," he said into my hair. I relished my name in his mouth, like a sacred prayer from the voice of the divine. "Wh-where's Alice?"
I froze, ice sinking through my cold veins.
My fault. My fault. My fault.
"It's a distraction," I whispered, struck by the realization as it dawned on me.
Edward stumbled backwards and out of my arms, clutching his stomach as if he had been pushed.
"Go!" he cried pleadingly.
"I can't leave you out here," I yelled, not even caring for his consent. But he didn't seem to resist, and latched his arms around my neck in a chokehold as he buried his face in my shoulder to protect himself from the whipping wind while I raced back to the cabin.
Victoria had somehow disappeared. She had run straight down to the river, and her trail ended there. The only path forward was back up the hill. This time, I was more careful to weave through the saplings that crowded these woods.
It was as I had guessed. The cabin was empty, but spots of blood were blossoming on the torn sheets of the bed on which I had left Alice, and the sharp scent of a predator masked even the alluring aroma of the blood.
I couldn't afford to leave Edward behind as I had with Alice. I could make as many excuses for myself as I wanted- that I couldn't possibly have taken Alice because she was in such a fragile physical state, that I didn't want to bring her into any further danger. But the fact of the matter was simply that I had been fully and solely focused on Edward.
So it was my fault. This decision, with its unintended consequences, was entirely my fault.
This trail, unlike Victoria's, was strong and clear. He smelled like cinnamon and embers, and not in a pleasant way. Leaving the cabin behind, I trudged up the short distance to the top of the hill, Edward on my back.
It seemed like they were stationary. Alice was moaning softly in pain, but I couldn't see her, only hear the pound of her heart and the crunch of leaves as two pairs of feet adjusted their positioning.
"Stay here," I said, sliding Edward from my back. He blinked in surprise, but I couldn't give him time to object. "If anything happens, yell for me. As loud as you can."
Though every fiber of being in my body was demanding I stayed firmly at his side, I pulled myself away and stepped through the thicket of bushes towards where I knew the two monsters awaited me.
I could hear, not see, Alice, though I could tell she was at least minorly injured. There had been blood left in the cabin, and I could smell inklings here as well. James was standing against a larger tree, casually leaning against the truck without a care in the world.
The only time I had seen him before was in Seattle, when I had no idea who he was beyond a vicious but strange newborn. I hadn't had time to study him, before.
He was one of the few vampires I had seen who hadn't changed much. I had only seen pictures of him when he was a human, but he looked much the same. Sandy brown hair and a plain, nondescript face, the likes of which could just blend into the background if not for the stark red of his eyes.
"You've made a mistake, James," I said quietly, speaking first. Victoria shifted on her feet and I tracked her every movement. She was standing on the balls of her feet just a few yards from James, looking excessively more wild than he. Her hair was violently red, like a blazing fire. Er clothes were in tatters, and her feet were bare. "It's not too late. Just leave Alice and Edward alone."
I was lying, of course. The very second I had Alice and Edward a safe distance away, I would tear both of them limb from limb. I could hear the fire crackling already, and the silent monster inside me was clambering for blood. So to speak.
"I'm sorry, Bella." His voice was courteous. Kind, even. Like he genuinely regretted inconveniencing me. "Wouldn't it be better if you just left with the boy? I think it would be."
Victoria glanced over at him, her lips pursed, and it hit me. She wasn't as ingrained in this chase as he, and she looked far more hesitant. But she seemed to think that somehow, Edward was going to be her prize.
I would relish ripped her head from her neck.
"Yes," I agreed coolly, stalling.
"You don't seem very willing to leave, though?"
"I'm not."
"You do realize that we outnumber you? And we are both stronger?" He sounded polite, as if he was genuinely concerned with how I would fare in the impending battle.
"I can count, yes," I said, still perfectly pleasantly, as if we were discussing something as pedantic as the starry sky that twinkled above us.
"And you're not… afraid, are you?" His voice hitched a little, and he showed his cards. His scarlet eyes darkened in anticipation, and I wondered if he was actually physically aroused. It seemed like the possibility of my fear was exciting to him, maybe even part of the draw in this game of cat and mouse.
"I am not," I said evenly.
"How odd. You really mean that." His dark eyes roamed over me, his irises now nearly entirely black with just the rim of red around the edges. "I think maybe we are more similar than you think. Your strange coven values your human pets, and I do as well. Just in a slightly different way."
He seemed again to be so casual, standing there in an almost slouch with his arms folded and the sleeves of his ripped button-up rolled up to his forearms. I could see a few crescent scars there, indicative of his time as a newborn amongst other newborns.
"We have very different ideas as to the value of life. And I'm afraid that while I can do nothing about the death of humans for blood, I do draw the line at abusing children."
He didn't seem to hear me, or he was at least ignoring me. I was hoping to ruffle his feathers and draw him out. Anger forces mistakes, and all I needed was one misstep to be able to comfortably strike.
"I wonder if the rest if your coven will avenge you? Or try to, at least. I think they might."
I said nothing, instead just staring blankly at him.
"How did you pick Illinois, by the way? I heard you say Jacksonville, but I figured you weren't stupid enough to actually go there. Or maybe that would have been the smart move, the perfect ploy, to go to the last place you should be when you're hiding."
"I'm a Cubs fan," I deadpanned, and James actually had the gall to laugh.
"You actually put up a bit of a chase. I'm impressed. I hadn't encountered someone I couldn't find yet."
I wanted to antagonize him. "You're very young. Give it time." My lips pulled back in a semblance of a sneering grin, the first crack in the cool façade of my expression. I was sure to show him every single sharp, dangerous tooth in my mouth. "Or not."
He only smiled back, and I was internally enraged at his control. He was so young. He really should have been more wild, more like the shifting and clearly uncomfortable Victoria who was constantly surveying the treeline and glancing over at James, as if waiting for a signal. No matter how fast she ran, I was at least sure I would get to Edward before her. But I didn't expect it to go so far. No, I would dispose of both of them before they had the chance to harm a single hair on his head ever again.
"You see, everyone else was so simple. They didn't have our kind around to protect them, of course, but even still. It's always been a little too easy, too quick. To be quite honest, I'm disappointed that this all is ending. I usually get a feeling about the prey I'm hunting, a sixth sense, if you will. But with you… it was most intriguing, Bella. How did you do that? I couldn't get a feel for any of you until just a few minutes ago. And even now, if I couldn't hear his heart, I wouldn't know where the boy is."
I tried to keep my expression slack. But hearing him refer to Edward in any way was enraging. He didn't deserve to even think about Edward, after all he had done. And I would make sure that he never did again.
"When Victoria couldn't get to that cop," James continued, either unaware of the war going on in my mind, or not letting on that he knew, "I had her find out more about you. It seems like your coven is very good at covering your tracks, but not so great at tracking others. They never even came close to catching us. Though I will say that your little diversion tactic with the cars was very creative.
"But then you got on that plane to Jacksonville. Victoria was monitoring for me, naturally, since I had followed the other car. It's too bad that Laurent took off, he would've been useful, but alas," James grinned at me, "You're still all alone out here, aren't you?"
I didn't answer his rhetorical question. Instead, I tried to pull myself together and suppress this deep-seated fury that was burning in the pit of my stomach, licking up into my throat like a raging fire. I swallowed back the venom that came with the blood lust.
"And so much weaker, Bella," he continued, taking a step forward. My legs flexed naturally in response, tense and ready to pounce. "Why don't you just turn around and leave? I'm sure you can find other pets easily enough. There's no need for you to be destroyed tonight."
"They are both mine," I answered squarely.
"No," James laughed, casually brushing his plain brown hair back. "They've been mine for a lot longer. I saw you out there with the boy. You know that I got there first, don't you?"
I couldn't stop myself any more than I could stop the sun from rising or a volcano from erupting. I didn't even care that it was obviously what he wanted, the reaction he was hoping to draw from me.
I took a step towards James, then dodged to my left to intercept Victoria before she could make the first move. She was already starting to throw herself in front of James- I wonder if he would have paid her the same courtesy if their roles were reversed- but I kicked out my leg and twisted it around hers, drawing her off-balance.
She was slippery, though, just as both Laurent and Emmett described. Just as I reached out with my hands, she ducked and was able to step away. She seemed to be more of a defensive fighter, which suited me just fine because I was adept on both sides of combat, but I was waiting for James to come at me. They were so sure they could overwhelm me that all I needed was for both of them to be drawn into the fight. That way, I could be assured that they were thoroughly distracted from Edward and Alice, and make quick work in disposing of them.
I underestimated James. That was my mistake, always my mistake. How many times would I put Edward and Alice in danger? Would it ever stop, or was I truly just bad for them?
James didn't step forward to assist Victoria. Instead, he smiled at me through the cloud of her fiery hair that was whipping around while she kept side-stepping my swats. He turned on his heel, spun around, and sprinted behind him.
Towards Alice.
"No!" I shouted, trying to run after him but distracted enough that Victoria managed to wrap an arm around me.
She wasn't a newborn anymore, though. All of that strength had dissipated and, despite others' ideas that feeding from only animals made us weaker, Victoria and I were on even ground. Well, even ground outside of the five hundred years I had on her, including a century of learning from the most elite enforcers of our laws.
She was trying to squeeze me out, but didn't even notice as I grabbed her with my free hand, wrapping my fingers around her neck. I dug into her marble-hard skin, relishing in the screeching as it cracked. She screamed, and in her distraction her grip on me loosened. I threw her off of me, her body flying into a tree and snapping it in half.
There was another scream, though, in the distance. Familiar- high and hoarse, and trembling in terror. And it was behind us, in the opposite direction that James had run in, and almost exactly where I had left Edward.
It was like I had swallowed a rock, and it was sitting in my throat and choking me back. Every cell in my body was screaming in turn, and the burn in my chest was dragging me back like a planet that had no choice but to gravitate towards the sun.
Victoria was making a move to get up.
And I certainly wasn't going to let that happen.
I stomped over to her and planted my foot firmly on her chest, and the other on one of her arms, pinning her firmly to the ground. Her face was screwed up in terror, but then there was another scream, this time even more piercing than the last.
"I'll come back for you," I promised through gritted teeth. Without any ado, I dug my fingers into her free arm, ripping it from her shoulder. The venom that spilled out smelled overly-sweet, and she screamed in pain. I tossed the arm as far as I could, hoping that it would deter her for as long as I needed, and turned to run back to Edward.
He hadn't gone far, but what I saw made me want to vomit, just to have the comfort of excising something from my body.
Alice was limp in his arms, the only blood on her coming from the IV port that had been torn from her arm and was dangling useless by the adhesive tape. Her shirt had been ripped open down the middle, and he had his hands on her abdomen, greedily consuming her delicate skin with his disgusting touch. He had his mouth open, and I could see the glimmer of venom that thickly coated his teeth.
I was done with the games. He had set the rules of the chase, and I was through playing by them. It had been pointless, trying to protect Alice and Edward. They were both in danger anyways, and nothing I had done had stopped it. I was five hundred and thirty one years old, and had spent five hundred and ten of them as a vampire. James was a foetus in comparison.
His teeth sliced into Alice's neck just as I tore him off of her.
I threw him just as I did Victoria, whipped him into a tree that cracked with the impact. He rolled over and jumped up, but I was already on him. I grabbed him by the shoulders and slammed him down so hard that he cratered into the hard ground.
He tried to get up again, fear clear on his face as he realized what was happening. I noticed him glance into the distance, as if looking for a partner that would never come. Victoria would be too indisposed, what with losing a limb and all, to come to his aid. And if she tried, I would relish destroying her alongside him.
He kicked at my feet enough to get me to take a step back- he wasn't holding anything back, and I didn't need to worry about fracturing anything again. This seemed to make him think he had a chance. He jumped out of his hole and, hands ready and extended, ran at me.
I side-stepped him, gripping his forearm and pulling his arm back. Before he could spin back around, I took a step to stand behind him and caught his other arm so his hands were pinned behind his back.
I kicked a leg up so it was squarely on his back and, with one hand encircling both of his wrists while he squirmed, I planted James down face-first into the ground.
I stayed standing on his back, but let go of his wrist so I could use both hands to dig my fingers into his shoulder.
"You," I yelled, ripping that arm off and throwing it as far as I could, "will," this time, punctuating it by tearing his leg off at the upper thigh, "never," the other leg, "touch," I ripped off his right hand, relishing in his scream, "them," I tore off the whole arm left, then stared down at his mutilated body. With my foot, I nudged him over so he was facing up towards me, and he threw his head back as he screamed his last desperate pleas. I squatted down, putting us face-to-face. He caught my gaze, eyes now entirely black as if his pupils bled into his irises. I put one foot on his chest, pushing down so it cracked under the pressure, and wrapped both of my hands around his neck. "Again," I hissed, twisting his head off entirely.
His head rolled away. His expression was still affixed in a soundless scream, and I kicked it aside. I had to hold myself back from crushing his skull under my foot.
But I was brutally torn from this reality by Alice's screams. While the lust for James's destruction had taken over me, I hadn't even spared her a second glance.
When I had torn James from Alice, he must have thrown her aside. There was a gash in her head that was bleeding, but not profusely, just like the blood that was trickling from her neck as venom glistened from the shallow marks where his teeth grazed her skin.
But the ground was wet with dark blood, pulsing out of a hole torn in her abdomen. James had had him hands there while he was handling her, on her bare skin, that had so enraged me I didn't realize he had gotten ahold of the G-tube port I had inserted days before, to make sure she was getting nutrition while she slept.
He had torn it from her, and it was discarded in a lump of bloody tissue beside her body.
Her diaphragm was in tatters, and I could see straight through her stomach. The blood was gushing out, wet and hot on my cold hands. The weak thread of her pulse was slowing as her blood seeped into the soil. "Burns," Alice whispered, her voice so soft that I could barely hear her.
"I'm so sorry, Alice," I cried, my eyes burning with venom. I kneeled next to her, my hands pressing futilely into the gash on her stomach. The wound on her neck, with the bitemark, was already sealing with venom.
"Bella?" Edward cried, trying to come closer.
"No!" I yelled, throwing one of my hands out behind me. "Turn around. Stay there. Please, Edward." My voice was cracking. The blood was coating my arms so I looked like I had just been swimming in a scarlet pool, but I had no other recourse.
"S'okay," Alice slurred, her body jerking slightly as I tried to hold her down. "S'how iss supposed to happen. Knew it."
"What?" I asked, trying to collect my thoughts. What was there to do now? I had medical supplies! Back at the cabin! But I couldn't move Alice. And could I make it there and back in time? Did we even have that long?
But Edward was already behind me, sobbing and sinking to the ground in absolute hysterics. The blood was pumping through the hole in her stomach, but I could smell the venom now. Slow and creeping through her capillaries and down to her arm, but it was there despite the small, fleeting bite.
"Alice, don't go," I begged, cupping her cheek in my bloody palm as her eyes fluttered closed. The red smeared on her sallow, grey skin- such a sharp, stark contrast.
"You gotta do what you need to, Bells," Alice whispered, her voice dropping off with each syllable. Her hand came up limply to her neck, and I knew she was starting to feel the ripping sear of the venom, just didn't have the strength to really struggle against it. Her heartbeat was so soft now, merely a slow contraction every several seconds. She wouldn't last. The venom wouldn't have the chance to overtake her without her heart circulating it, and the venom in her arm was stagnating.
"Alice, just hold on," I begged, ripping her soaked shirt off. "Edward, give me your shirt!" I shouted. "Now," I growled when he stumbled, and he tore his shirt off and threw it at me.
"Oh God," he moaned, looking at Alice, but I couldn't pay attention. I couldn't tend to him right now.
I tore at Alice's shirt until the wound was fully exposed. I hissed. Her stomach was completely torn beneath her diaphragm, and there was blood coming from a rip in her pancreas as well. I couldn't see behind with the blood that was flooding out, but I knew. It was too gaping. Maybe. Maybe if I had an operating room and equipment. If Carlisle was here, he would know exactly what to do.
I didn't have a fraction of a second. I packed the wound with the shirt, pressing purposefully to try to plug the bleeding that was coming through her stomach. Alice jerked up and groaned loudly, but quickly fell back into the ground.
"I'm ssuposed to be like you," she whispered, tears leaking from the corners of her tightly shut eyes.
It all happened in a moment. It must have been how she sat up. The movement forced a squeeze from her heart, and with the arterial bleed blocked, the blood rushed through her body, and all of a sudden I could smell the surge of venom up her shoulder and flooding into her torso.
"What did you say, Alice?" I asked. She had to be hallucinating or something from the pain now.
"No ssorry. Ssuposed to happen," she repeated. I squeezed the shirt tighter into her abdomen, and she flinched only slightly. But with the flinch, it happened again. Her heart pounded for one beat, and forced the blood mixed with venom into her chest. Just then, as it hit her heart, she screamed. It was just once, a piercing, explosive scream that ripped through her vocal chords.
It was happening. There was no saving now. As with everything in my existence, it was just blood and death. Blood or death.
Blood or death.
She had a choice.
"Alice," I said frantically, letting go of the shirt. With the loss of pressure, blood started seeping out again, but it wouldn't matter. The venom was in her heart, and the change was inevitable. I held her face in my bloody hands, titling her face up to me. "Alice, can you hear me?"
There was no answer. I asked again, leaning my face into hers so we were almost nose-to-nose. Her breath was nothing but a gasping wisp, so soft I could barely feel it against my skin. "Alice, please," I begged, shaking her face slightly.
Her lids fluttered open softly, her green eyes piercing, but then rolled back into her head as she screamed again. The venom was pulsing through her body. I could hear the flesh at her arm start to bind together, the microscopic chords of epidermis stretching over the bite wound and probably burning at her skin.
"Alice, I need to know now. I need you to make a choice. I can bring you into my existence. I can make you like me. But it's difficult, it painful. It's an eternity of struggling against your nature. Or it can end now. I can make the pain go away, and you can find whatever lies on the other side. Maybe it's heaven. Maybe it's nothing. But it's your choice, Alice. Please, please," I begged, squeezing her face. A sob ripped through my chest. "Please, tell me what to do."
I couldn't lose her. Not Alice. I couldn't imagine a world without her. Her vibrancy, her essence. Alice couldn't be gone. She was too full of life. Her babbling, her economic analysis, her outrage and out-of-the-blue statements. Who would skip through my life in fairy wings again? Who would dress me up and make me look genuinely beautiful, like I belonged at Edward's side?
I couldn't lose Alice. She was my sister. She was my best friend.
"Please," she cried, her scream hoarse and drawn out. "Like you," she panted finally, tears streaming down her face and I knew if I had the ability, they would be dripping down my face. My eyes burned.
"Edward," I sighed, gathering Alice into my arms. I sat on the blood-soaked ground, Alice curled on my lap, her delicate body convulsing as the scant venom forced its way into every space it could find, her floral scent sharpening with sweetness. "Edward, I need you to go. I need you to walk that way," I pointed north, back towards the cabin that was just downhill. "I need you to go now."
"Bella," he cried, hiccupping a sob on my name. He stumbled forward, towards us. I knew what he saw. Me, a vicious vampire, covered in his sister's blood as she lay in my lap, her skin ashy and pale and almost bloodless. He would never forgive me for this, but I had to do it. I should have saved her for him, but now I needed to do this for her. This was for Alice.
"Edward, she's changing. I'm sorry. I couldn't do anything. She lost too much blood, and James bit and ripped at her before I could stop him. I'm so so sorry." I couldn't bear to look at him. I brushed a stray hair from Alice's face tenderly, leaving behind a trail of blood from my fingertips. Her face was smeared with blood now, and I knew if she could see herself she would be outraged. "I need you to go so I can bite her. I can't save her. I can't make her stay human."
"If you b-b-bite her… She'll b-become a v-vampire?" He was crying, sobbing in front of me. I couldn't look. I couldn't face him. I had to focus on Alice right now, on how fragile she was in my arms as I monitored her vitals and tracked the course of venom in her circulatory system. Once it had reached every vein, artery, and capillary, it would seep into her musculature, and then into the rest of her organ systems. Everything would harden, turn to stone in the burn of the venom, and then it would be over. At this pace, I was calculating a long, arduous seventy-six hours. The bite in her neck had been too far away from any major artery, and the quantity of venom inserted too small. Combined with the blood loss and a weak heart, and while the change was inevitable, it would be long. It would be like my own change, as I bled out on a birthing bed.
"She's already going to be a vampire no matter what. If I bite her, the process will be quicker. And the quicker, the better. It's painful." I was talking more to Alice now. I cupped her cheek and swept my thumb across her cheek, and she leaned into my touch by a fraction before screaming again, as if it punctuate my statement. "It's the most excruciatingly painful experience in the world. You're going to feel like you've been set on fire from the inside, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. And every time you think that it can't possibly become more painful, it will be. But at the end, when it's over, you'll never be in pain again. No one can ever hurt you again, Alice. Do you hear me? No one will ever hurt you again."
I was crying softly, and I couldn't hold back a sob, but I sucked in a deep, burning breath. The scent of blood was everywhere, on everything, and it coated my throat. The venom was already pooling, but it flooded my mouth in reaction to the consuming scent of blood.
"I d-don't w-want to leave her," he cried, sinking to his knees in front of me. He touched her elbow softly, nothing more than his fingertips brushing at her skin. I couldn't look at him.
"Please, Edward," I begged, hugging Alice to me as tightly as I dared. "Please. I can't let you see me. I can't let you watch me kill your sister."
"I'm not," Edward said, a sob still biting at his firm tone, and I looked up at him. His face was tear-stained and agonized, like a tortured Adonis or Atlas kneeling as the weight of the world crushed him down. He was too beautiful for this world. Too beautiful for me. "I'm w-watching you s-s-save our s-sister."
I stared at him, his verdant eyes glassy with tears but still piercing and honest. I cried tearlessly, my whole body shaking as I tried to hold back sobs and keep my touch delicate on Alice's fragile, burning body.
"I'm sorry," I cried to both of them, burying my head into Alice's short, blood-matted hair.
"I love you."
I looked back up at him. It couldn't be true. After everything. My failure. After all of my failures, he couldn't still feel that way. If I had paid more attention, everything would have been different. I had seen James and Victoria months ago, when they were more feral and less calculating. If I had paid a little more attention to finding them, I would have known what they looked like and known those rabid newborns anywhere. And I would have tracked them through Seattle to the ends of the earth if I needed to, and ripped them limb from limb slowly. I would have given them both the torture they both deserved, and then Alice would be a happy, bubbly human, free from the constraints of rainy days and crippling bloodlust. Edward would have his sister still.
"I love you, Bella," Edward repeated firmly, and he grasped Alice's hand lightly. Her reaction was immediate, and she squeezed tightly, trying to find a release from the pain.
"I don't want you to see," I said again weakly, my voice cracking as I swallowed a gulp of venom back.
"I love every p-part of you," he promised. "I d-don't want to l-leave you, and I d-don't w-want to leave Alice. Do what you n-need to. I'm here f-for you Bella, as l-long as it's s-s-safe for me t-to be here."
"It's safe," I whispered. "You're in no danger from me. You're never in danger from me." I looked back up at Edward, his gaze still steady and earnest. "She's going to scream. It's going to be painful, and I need you to be prepared," I told him, and he nodded and squared his shoulders.
"Can I d-do anything?"
"Hold her hand until it's too painful," I suggested. "And talk to her. I remember when people spoke around me. It was comforting to know that I hadn't somehow sunk into an eternal burning hell, to be reminded that there were people around me waiting."
"Anything," he said, tightening his grip on her hand and launching into a soliloquy. He told Alice how much he loved her, how much she reminded him of their mother. As he softly recalled a distant, lost memory of eating ice cream with their father, I lifted Alice up to me. The shallow pulsing of her jugular thumped under my lips, and I closed my eyes and drew the venom forward, the satiny moistness pooling in my mouth as I sealed my lips around her throat.
My hands itched with the desire to thrust her into me violently, but it was easy to push back. Edward was right there, right beside us, telling us both about dressing up as Jessie and James from Pokemon's Team Rocket for Halloween.
My sharp teeth sliced at her paper-thin skin, and I withdrew and pushed the venom in as rapidly as I could.
Animal blood would never compare to this rush. It traveled in my nerves like fire, the miniscule droplets racing into my body and creating a euphoric, inebriating sense of aliveness that exploded outward from the pit of my stomach and into my chest. Those first few seconds, trying to force as much venom as possible in Alice, were filled with an ecstasy that was so intense, so paralyzing, that it was at that moment of satiation that vampires were rendered most vulnerable. In the back of my mind, I was profoundly grateful to be the one to truly change Alice. James didn't deserve to have any part of her.
But the euphoria subsided quickly, designed to be followed by a frenzy.
I withdrew before that could happen, licking at the wound to seal it shut with venom so not a drop of venom was lost. Alice was screaming and I hadn't even noticed, but I couldn't stop. I shifted her body around and brought her wrist to my mouth, repeating the process there, and then at her other wrist, perhaps taking her hand from Edward's a bit too roughly, but my focus was entirely consumed with finishing.
This was Alice. This was my sister, my best friend.
I placed her gently on the ground, her whole body limp. Internally, I apologized and ripped at her jeans to expose the femoral arteries in her thighs. I couldn't say a word. My mouth was too full of venom, flowing freely and rapidly in a way I had only experienced once before, all those decades ago with Rose. And with Rose, I had Carlisle at my side, coaching me through it. He had been my rock, my guide, but now it was Edward. Edward was my anchor, the center of my universe, and I breathed deeply and dipped my head down to the story of making smores at a backyard campout with their mother, shortly after their father had passed.
I bit quickly at her ankles, then at the crooks of her elbows, and on the other side of her neck, and then, finally, I rested my chin on her sternum and closed my eyes. Her heart was beating harder now, racing as it worked to push the loads of venom through her body and pounding against her rib cage so violently I thought she might crack something.
Softly, and so slowly I knew he was coming, Edward rested one hand in my hair. His skin was warm, a familiar presence holding me here with him.
"Is that all?" he asked, breaking the narrative of the story he had been telling Alice.
"I can do one more," I told him, my eyes still closed as I listened to her heart and felt it beat against my cheek. "But it's not going to be pretty. You should leave."
"I already t-told you, Bella," Edward said, shaking his head and rubbing his thumb along the base of my skull. "I'm n-not l-leaving you."
I nodded, knowing I wasn't going to get rid of him. And honestly, I didn't want him to go. Having him with me somehow, impossibly made this easier. I would have thought, on paper, that a living, breathing human in such close proximity to me as I tasted the nectar of another's lifeblood would be the tipping point. Maybe, then, I would become what all other vampires were at that point.
But instead, I felt comforted. I felt tethered and grounded with him at my side. And, even with blood on my tongue, I was strong and firmly in control. I pulled the shirt out of the wound in Alice's abdomen, tossing the drenched, bloody fabric aside. There was no more blood flowing from the wound, it had all been sopped up by the packing and all other blood was slowly being destroyed by the venom. The wound hadn't started to heal yet, though, and her insides were still gaping and exposed.
I didn't need to be careful here anymore. I shifted her stomach aside, pulling it out a bit so I could get to the artery behind. Everything was exposed there. The splenic artery, the celiac trunk, and even the abdominal aorta. This was where the bleed had been coming from, and there was still a tear at the wall of it where venom was seeping out of it.
I sighed and let the venom pool in my mouth again, then nestled my face into the wound. I hooked my finger around the artery and brought it towards my mouth, then, with the sharp nail of my index finger, I sliced it back open. I quickly wrapped my lips around the delicate tube and forced even more venom in, then into the vein right behind it so it surged straight up and into her heart.
She screamed so loudly I thought her vocal chords might have been ripped to shreds. It drew me away from the blood. Blood everywhere. My face was covered in it, swimming in my eyes and blanketing all my senses. The taste was like a jolt of adrenaline careening through my dead body, a soft coaxing of euphoria swirling up the most deliquescent of pleasures, and creating shards of sparkling light behind my tightly shut eyelids. I was cocooned there, nestled in the burning heat of the inside of a human, blood sharpened and tainted by sweet venom surrounding me, but it was still blood.
Alice's blood.
I licked at the artery and vein carefully, sealing all my venom inside, and pulled my face out of Alice's body.
If I had looked like a monster before, I was an abomination now. Edward had just watch me bury my face into his sister's body and withdraw, face covered in blood and dripping from my lips as I placed her organs back in her body.
What seemed like a lifetime before, Edward had called me Helen, as if I was the most beautiful creature in the world, when in reality I was the monster. It was then that I recall a line from a heartbroken Yeats poem that evoked Helen of Troy with the exact imagery that embodied me, and the havoc I had wreaked.
"Why, what could she have done, being what she is? Was there another Troy for her to burn?"
So there it is. The next two chapters… I have them outlined, but thoroughly incomplete. So it may be a little while until I can find the words to fit the ideas.