"What Love Feels Like"

Syaoran looked through the huge file cabinet, constantly stopping and glancing back at the door in the room. If anyone were to walk in and see him, they might think he were committing a crime and trying to hide it. Well, technically, he was.

He had been looking through the files for a certain case with a name that he had no business looking for. His curiosity had gotten the better of him the closer his reversal surgery was getting. He did not have long before he had to go through with it, considering that he had already set up an appointment. Though Sakura did not know this, he had actually rescheduled the appointment multiple times already.

But then again, Sakura still had not told him anything about her test results, yet she had the audacity to constantly bring up his reversal surgery. Sakura was being difficult and it was so frustrating for him that he had to stoop so low to snoop through her medical files.

There was no doubts in his mind that he would be getting the reversal, but only as long as Sakura would be getting on some form of birth control. His mind told him that having a kid right now would do neither of them any good. Sakura was setting off in her research career and he was far too busy to be a father right now.

He rationalized that it would be something he would think about in two to three years from now, yet there was this inkling amount of guilt that told him that he did not want to have kids because he was scared. Terrified, even. He was not ready to be a father yet.

He knew he wanted to make Sakura happy and have something they created together, but now was not the right time. And most importantly, he would not risk her health for that dream.

He wanted to believe that if her results showed the percentage of a successful birth being extremely high despite this rare genetic disease, that he would still fall through with the surgery. But another part of him knew that he would hesitate because Sakura would never let up on the idea of having children.

"Dr. Li?"

Syaoran jumped, stopping his search for the woman's files immediately at the voice. He turned around slowly, seeing a nurse who looked a bit concerned. He briefly wondered if he had been looking like a mad man searching for her files. And how long had he been searching for them?

"Looking for a specific file? You've been looking for the past 20 minutes...maybe I could help you since I'm more familiar with the files," she explained hesitantly. A look of concern crossed her face that she chose not to mask.

That answered his question.

He swallowed, shaking his head slowly. "No. Are you waiting to...?"

"Yes, I need to pull a few," she said.

He nodded slowly, looking around the room, debating whether he should let her find Sakura's files or not. "It's fine. You can look," he said, deciding to retreat before she noticed how suspicious he had been.

He left the file room before she could even respond or question his suspicious behavior, his heart beating erratically in his chest. If Sakura's doctor found out he was trying to look through her files, she would be on his case terribly. And he certainly did not want to be chastised by one of his employees about something he was doing, even if it would be at a good cause. All doctors had a right to protect the rights of their patients, even if it would be against the boss.

Syaoran ran a hand down his face and decided to take out his phone and send Sakura a quick text about his day.

It had been a few weeks since he had met her family, which meant the time for her departure was nearing. There had been this tightening ache in his chest at the thought of it, but he knew he could not voice that to her. He wanted her to be happy and not have to worry about him feeling sad about her leaving. It was becoming unbearably hard to hide his decreasing mood around his apartment. He had been spending a lot more time and going home on time from work every day to be with her.

He was starting to regret convincing her to move in with him because he would feel empty when she left him. He did not know what he would do if he came home to an empty house, no Sakura waiting at the door to greet him with a warm hug or kiss to the cheek. And then he would try to escalate it to more because of his excitement at seeing her.

What was he supposed to do when she left? It was not even the sex he was worried about; it was mostly just the absence of Sakura in the flesh with him. He knew he would not end their relationship over that, but what would he do without Sakura around?

It was a question he wished he had the answer to.

"I'm home," Syaoran called as he slipped his shoes off at the foyer. He hung his jacket on the rack and his keys on the keyholder as he let out an exhausted sigh.

When no Sakura rushed to greet him at the door, his heart nearly sank to the bottom of his stomach. For a moment, he wondered if this were what it would feel like every time he came home when she would move. "Sakura?" he called, walking further in his apartment, trying to ignore the ache in his chest.

He heard sniffling in the living room, which set something off in his body immediately. He rushed to the room and spotted the auburn hair and frowned, seeing her head bowed and hands buried in her face.

"Sakura...?" he called uncertainly, making his way over to her slowly.

Immediately, her head shot in his direction, a look of horror on her face before she vigorously wiped her wet face. "I-I didn't hear you come in. Welcome home," she said, grinning at him crookedly as if she had not just been crying.

He stooped in front of her parted legs and grabbed her hands between his own gently. "What's wrong?" he asked gently.

She shook her head, removing her hands from his to caress his face gently. He closed his eyes unconsciously, leaning into her warming touch. "Nothing," she said in a promising tone, though he knew the truth behind it.

He grabbed her hand on his face, bringing it to his mouth to pepper kisses on it. "Don't do that with me. What happened? Is it a client?" he asked, looking in her green eyes seriously.

She looked hesitant for a moment and then released a soft sigh. "I just...I'm feeling a little sad that I'll be leaving so many people, but especially my clients...I've been with them for so long and to just...leave them like this, it's a little hard for me right now," she said softly, looking away from him.

He tugged on her hand, forcing her to look at him to see what he wanted. "There's nothing wrong with that. And you won't be gone forever...there's always still phone calls you can make as well," he said in a gentle tone, kissing her hand again. "You're not letting them go."

She let out a soft sigh and smiled a little. "I guess you're right, but still, things will be different..." she trailed off, looking away shyly now. "Aki...hasn't talked to me since he apologized the day after I came over..."

Syaoran thought back to that time and realized it had been a few weeks since that had happened. He still felt a bit sour about it, but he had decided that he would not be adding any extra trouble on Sakura's plate. She already had enough to stress as it is. "I thought you guys were on talking terms," he decided to settle with.

"I thought so too, but he's still...not talking to me. I've tried calling his phone a few times because I wanted to give him space by not showing up, but he hasn't returned any calls or texts. Has he been at the hospital? Is he okay? This is the longest we've ever gone without talking to each other," she explained.

Syaoran thought about the past few weeks. He had seen the man a few times, but they never spoke to the other. He typically stayed off the psych clinic floor, but he would sometimes see the man. He never made an effort to see him though. What was he supposed to tell Sakura? He had no clue about how the man had been, and quite frankly, he did not care in the least bit, as cold-hearted as it sounded.

"Whatever you guys talked about must have really hurt him..." she said sadly, causing guilt to stab at Syaoran's heart at the tone she used. "He's never closed himself off like this from me before."

He internally groaned. Perhaps he had been too hard on the man, but Akinari had been asking for it, he convinced himself. The psychologist always tried to throw in his face that Sakura would choose him. Syaoran had never taken lightly to threats, so he would not sit around and continue to have his relationship with Sakura threatened.

Then again, the rational side of Syaoran told him that Akinari had not done anything that far with Sakura, so he had nothing to fear about the man.

Sakura had made it clear that she wanted him, so he had no reasons to doubt her. So, maybe he had been a bit cruel to Akinari and now Sakura was receiving the bad end of his decisions, yet again.

"I'll talk to him," he found himself saying without thinking or rationalizing why he had said it. He just knew he had to.

Sakura pulled her hand back from him with a look of horror on her face. "No, you'll only make things worse," she said.

He frowned. "No... not about anything like that. Perhaps I did...cross the line with the bastard a bit..." he explained, looking deep in thought about what had occurred between them over a week ago.

"What did you say?"

He shook his head, knowing that it was not his place to tell her. It would only make things worst between the two and that was the last thing he wanted to do. His top priority was to make Sakura happy again. "Nothing for you to worry about. I'll fix it," he promised.

"I don't know..."

He stood up slightly so he could reach her lips. "I do. Just don't worry about it," and then he closed the gap between their lips in a promising kiss that convinced her to believe him.

When her lips responded, he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue in her mouth to taste her. He could not help but let his mind wander to the fact that these moments were only going to be a memory for a good while. There would be less times to share moments like making out with the thought that they would not be here together much anymore.

Syaoran slid his hands in her hair to massage her scalp gently as they continued to kiss, trying to mesmerize the way her strands feel between his fingers. Just to remember the way it feels in his hand when she leaves.

He closed his eyes tightly, willing to push away the thoughts of her leaving. He wanted to enjoy this time while they had it instead of being a bummer about it all. Thinking about her departure would only ruin the mood for him and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

"Syaoran, I cooked dinner," Sakura said breathlessly when he started planting kisses down her body slowly while his fingers rapidly worked the buttons on her shirt.

He pushed her crisp shirt open and latched a mouth on her pert nipple. Of course, his mind automatically programmed to try and remember the way her nipples felt in his mouth. He tried convincing himself that this would not be the last time he gets to do this, yet his heart kept reminding him that it might. He was such a mood killer. He needed to focus.

Her back arched on the couch as her legs fell open a little wider to accommodate his body on top of hers, straddling him. "My dinner's right here," he said once he stopped sucking one nipple to its peak before he switched to the other to give it the same amount of attention.

His hand began to glide down her waist in a featherlike touch, causing her breath to catch in her throat. He let his hand slip under her bunched skirt, resting on her panties that were dampening quickly. "I want you...on top...tonight," he said between kisses he peppered down her body slowly, engraving the way her soft skin feels against his mouth. He caressed her over her panties for a bit before pulling her skirt and panties down simultaneously, glad that she assisted him by sitting up. He dropped them on the coffee table and pushed the rest of her shirt off so she could be bare under him.

"Why do you have so many clothes on?" she said shyly, noticing him fully clothed, while she bare.

He chuckled, kissing her nose before he sat up. He began to unbutton his baby blue shirt, while she worked to get his belt unbuckled. He helped by pulling his khakis and boxers down just enough to release himself. He pulled her on top to straddle his lap, causing her to yelp in surprise.

"Ride me," he commanded playfully, grabbing her hair to pull her face down to his in a rough kiss that he knew made her melt in his arms.

Their tongues battled in a kiss for dominance as she positioned herself over him before pushing herself down on him, taking all of his girth in one go.

He groaned in her mouth, tightening his hold in her hair, and dominating her mouth by taking her every breath as her walls tightened around him. How could he not think about this not happening anymore? He would miss this so much that it hurt to think about it not happening. He knew he was being a little dramatic, as some would say, but what was he to do? He kept getting reminders.

Her mouth stayed connected with his in the tight lip-lock as her hips began to steadily move up and down, making him suppress a groan.

Every time Sakura did the work, it was nearly impossible for him to last long. He moved his other hand down to grab a handful of her ass cheek, squeezing the plump flesh roughly the way she liked him to. He would miss this part of her body so much. Often times, he would not be able to keep his hands off her rear-end. Sometimes she would just walk past him and he would not be able to resist the urge to grab the flesh.

It did not help that from time to time, Sakura liked a little rough play, which had been a bit of a surprise for Syaoran. He had liked things rough sometimes too, but Sakura had never pegged him as the type to be. Since they had been living together, she was a lot more vocal about things she liked and nothing had pleased him more than that. She had to be the best communicator he had ever known.

He tugged her head back to break the lip-lock so he could look in her emerald eyes that were glazed over with lust.

"You like riding me, don't you?" he rasped in her ear, dropping his other hand down to grab her other butt cheek. He squeezed the flesh equally hard, guiding her hips to ride him faster.

"Yes," she moaned, sliding her hand underneath his opened shirt on his shoulders to clutch on to him.

One of his hands came down gently on her butt, spanking her as she continued to ride him. She moaned at the act, encouraging him to repeat the act, a little harder this time though. "You like when I spank you," he said, landing another slap. "Say it."

"Yes," she said in a strained tone as her nails dug into his shoulder blades tightly.

He was not fazed in the least bit as he felt that tightening coil in his stomach, warning him how close his release is.

"Say it," he commanded, spanking her a little harder.

"I like when you spank me!" she let out at the same time his hand came in contact with her sensitive, tender flesh.

"Kiss me."

And she followed the command, moaning in his mouth as she continued to ride him.

Before he could release in this position so fast, he flipped her over, pushing her to bend over the couch slightly. He hung off the edge of the couch before pushing himself back inside her from behind as she held on to the top of the couch.

His eyes trained on her reddened flesh as he pushed himself in and out of her, almost mesmerized with how the soft, plump flesh on her rear end bounced against his crouch each time he pushed in to her.

He groaned, slipping a hand to the front to rub her clit as he rocked forward harshly and repeated the motion over and over again. He could feel the sweat drip from his forehead and see it fall on to her arched back.

"I'm going to cum inside you. Do you want that?" he asked, never stopping his relentless lovemaking, drowned in the lustful noises escaping her mouth.

He watched her fingers clutch the top of the couch again and Syaoran lost himself in the bliss of driving himself into her and the sounds filling the room.

"Syaoran, I..." Hearing his name, he leaned forward, kissing her shoulder as he continued to drive into her.

"Yeah?" he coerced into her skin to hear more and then closing his lips around her tightly to mark her. His thrusts sped up faster if that were possible as his release lied at the tip of his manhood.

"I love you!" she let out, her walls tightening into a death grip around him, which sent him over the edge, to his surprise.

He rode out the rest of his orgasm before slowing down and then going completely still behind her as his mind tried to wind down back into reality. He was almost sure that what he heard was not a part of reality because if it had been, he would not have been sitting here so calmly and still.

Neither of them moved for a moment until Syaoran decided to pull out of her carefully, planting a gentle kiss on the middle of her back. He pulled his pants back up and sat on the couch beside her, and then pulled her by the hips onto his lap.

Her flushed face and tired eyes indicated that she was exhausted and flustered from their spontaneous activity. He had not planned to have sex with her as soon as he walked in the house, but he had just been feeling empty inside all day with the thought of her leaving so soon.

He cradled her face with his hand, pulling her face close to his. He rest his forehead against hers, closing his eyes tightly. "I'm imagining things..." he said quietly before closing the gap between their lips in a gentle kiss. "I love you..." he whispered against her lips.

"I love you too," she said shyly.

His eyes flew open, wide in surprise at the declaration that left her mouth.

"W-what?" he stuttered as if he could not believe what she had just said.

"You didn't imagine it..." she said, a shy smile playing at her lips as her cheeks were adorned with a blush on them.

His heart nearly burst out of his chest with so much excitement and anxiety that he knew it could not be real. He never expected to feel so...fulfilled hearing someone like Sakura utter those words to him.

"I love you," she repeated.

He could feel the back of his eyes burn with tears that he could care less about falling at this point. "Really?" he asked uncertainly, hearing the insecurity in his own tone.

"I love y—"

He cut her off with his lips in a passionate kiss that told her that they would be getting no sleep at all tonight.

He thought that nothing could make his day better with his down-spiraling thoughts of her leaving soon, but he had been wrong.

Syaoran scooped her in his arms bridal-style and stood from the couch, being sure to keep their lips locked. He made his way to his room, nothing else mattering but the love they felt for each other.

Nothing had made him happier, knowing that someone reciprocated the feelings he felt for them. And the fact that it was Sakura made it that much better.

Syaoran stood in front of the psychologist's door, contemplating whether or not he wanted to do this. Of course he did not want to do it, but whether or not if it would make a difference. He had promised Sakura that he would fix what he started between her and the man, but would he really be able to do that?

It was worth a try if it meant making Sakura happy, he had concluded.

He planted three firm knocks on the door, throwing away all his hesitancy of not doing this. It took a few moments before the door opened expectantly, revealing the man he had not spoken to in weeks.

The psychologist stared at him with a blank expression on his face, almost daring Syaoran to say the wrong thing and that if he did, he would slam the door shut in his face.

"Uh...can I come in?" Syaoran asked, not sure why he felt uncertain about this whole ordeal suddenly. He had to do this for Sakura though.

Akinari shrugged, stepping aside for him to walk in. "What's the problem now?"

They both sat in their designated seats they would normally sit in when coming to Akinari's office. Syaoran thought for a moment, trying to find the best approach to bring up this topic. They had not said anything to each other in a few weeks, so it was a little unsettling.

"I was out of line a few weeks ago. I had no business going against your wishes about disclosing your first name," Syaoran started, looking in the man's eyes confidently. If he were going to confront his mistakes and own them, he would do it with confidence and not act cowardly about it. He had learned that much from his father and Wei growing up.

"How many times did it take practicing that?" Akinari asked calmly, keeping his eyes from Syaoran's direction.

Syaoran could see the cold look in his eyes though. He deserved that and more. "Zero, actually," he answered honestly.

"Just cut to the chase already. What's the real reason you're here for?" Akinari asked, looking Syaoran in the eyes determinedly now.

"Sakura's upset about the lack of contact...between you guys," Syaoran said uncertainly, hating the thought of the two reuniting again. If Sakura wanted this, he would do it though. "And I figured I played some role in why this is happening."

"And you're encouraging it?" Akinari asked, raising a brow to show his surprise at that.

Syaoran shrugged. "Since I plan to be with Sakura, we'll have to learn to like each other anyway, so," Syaoran explained, though he hated the idea of that so much. He would get there eventually one day, even if it would be one hundred years from now. Maybe not actually liking the man but tolerating him at most.

"Hm," was Akinari's only response.

"What's the problem? Why are you ignoring her?"

"Time," he said simply.

"Time? You do know she leaves soon, right?"

"I'm aware," Akinari said blandly.

"And...?"

Akinari remained quiet, leaving Syaoran at a loss of what to say to fill the silent gap between them.

"I can't face her."

Syaoran looked at his face, seeing a look of regret on it. "Why? She didn't do anything to you."

"Nothing that she's done. Just what she probably knows—"

"I didn't tell her about your first name." Syaoran shrugged nonchalantly. "Not really my place to."

Akinari looked at him with a look of surprise on his face, once again, as if he could not believe what had left Syaoran's mouth.

"Look, man, if you want this to work, because I'm not going anywhere, you have to stop threatening our relationship. I want some form of respect from you," Syaoran said in a serious tone. "In all honesty, I don't think I will ever like you, but...for Sakura, I can be cordial when you're around..."

Akinari said nothing but stared at him with a look of disbelief on his face.

"Sakura doesn't know about your name...I crossed a line I had no business doing, but I would never cross that line. I can't take back what I did at this point but do know that I would do it differently now if I could. It's over and done with though, so there's no use dwelling on the past."

Akinari nodded his head slowly, looking deep in thought. "If that's...as close to an apology that I'll be getting, I forgive you. But just know that I won't be forgiving you if you do anything to break Sakura's heart," he threatened. "I will ruin your entire career if that were to happen. I promise you that."

A small smirk played at Syaoran's lips, hearing the threat in his tone, just as much as his words. He did not feel the least bit afraid though. He would never break Sakura's heart as long as he lived.

"Sounds like a fair game then."

"Are you sure you aren't upset?" Sakura found herself asking her best friend for the tenth time at this point.

Akinari chuckled, shaking his head at her. "Positive. I was never upset to begin with. I just needed some time," he explained for the one hundredth time, it seemed.

"Syaoran can be mean, but don't ever let what he says come between us again. Your absence scared the heck out of me," she said, even pouting a little to add to the effects.

"Never. That bastard could never come between us," he said teasingly.

She smiled a little, happy to hear the familiar man. They had decided to meet for lunch when he gave her a call earlier that week. She only had a few weeks left in Tomoeda before she would be leaving, so she was glad that he decided to reconcile with her before it was too late.

"I'm just making sure. Neither of you will tell me what you talked about, so I'll leave it alone..." she trailed off, only hoping that he would tell her a little bit. She knew it would not happen though.

"We made a deal," he said finally after leaving some silence between them.

"Oh?"

"I get to ruin his career if he hurts you," Akinari said proudly, making Sakura chuckle.

"He's not going to hurt me," Sakura said confidently. "At least, not purposely."

"Hmm, that's debatable. The deal still stands. And if he does, you come to me right away when it happens," he said, looking at her seriously now.

She smiled at him. "Of course I'll come to you first. There's no doubts about that anymore," she said, just feeling glad that she no longer had to hide anything from her best friend anymore. It was hell trying to hide things from him because it brought such a pain on her that she never wanted to experience again.

"Good," he said with a firm nod.

Sakura took a sip from her water, trying to conjure up the right way to ask this next thing she wanted to know. "So…what do you think of him?" she found herself asking finally.

"Of Li?"

She nodded.

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully, making the anticipation rise in her chest.

When he never came back to continue, she felt like she was sitting on the edge of the chair. "Separating what the media has said about him, of course," she added.

He scoffed with a smile on his face. "That's kind of hard, but if I had to, I'd say he's still not the nicest. He was a rather mean boss. No one wanted to cross the wrong paths with him or he'd make working in that hospital a living hell. But...since he's been involved with...whatever you guys have had going on, he's been rather different and a changed person. That's all I can really give you though."

Even though it was not what she wanted to hear, she felt happy to know that she had his support and he was not so against the whole relationship anymore like he used to be. "That's fair then," she decided to settle with instead of probing more out of the man.

"But what's going on for your birthday? That's like a week before you leave, isn't it? I've only heard a bit floating around about plans, but I'm not up to par about everything."

Sakura shrugged. "I have no clue. Tomoyo just told me to show up at her house early that day, so I'm leaving the day in her hands."

Akinari chuckled, shaking his head slowly. "Leave it to Tomoyo to plan something spectacular."

"We don't even know what it is, but...it's Tomoyo, so I'm expecting something spectacular from that girl," she said, smiling at the thought of her childhood best friend. Tomoyo was another person who always went above and beyond for her. "All she told me was, there will be alcohol and to prepare to be wasted. I don't know how I feel about that yet, but I'll just go with it..."

"Seeing a drunk Sakura in action again? I'm all for it," Akinari said teasingly.

Sakura rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Whatever. I'm not going to get that drunk."

"Mhm, sure."

Sakura laughed at the short, snarky comment. "I won't."

"There's nothing wrong with it. It's always fascinating to see you lose control," Akinari said, taking a bite out of his food that had been abandoned.

"I do not lose control," she said defensively with a pout on her face.

"Uh huh and Li isn't obsessed with sex," he said, giving her a knowing look.

She pursed her lips, cheeks warming at the mention of sex with Syaoran. Half a year of having sex with the man and she still could not get used to it. It was always hot and exciting because there was always something new. So much that she even felt comfortable suggesting things. It was a little weird, but she had never felt so openly sexually comfortable with anyone before.

She supposed that came with someone who has the history Syaoran did with sex. Some good things came out of it, is what she told herself when she thought of that.

"Onto more important matters, how do you want this whole referral process to go?" Akinari asked.

Sakura was glad they were back to normal with each other. Even though she felt sad they would be parting ways for a good while, she still wanted to cherish every moment she could with her loved ones.

She smiled at him with a forced smile and began to go over who she wanted to refer. She knew this had to be done, no matter how much it hurt her.

A/N: Sorry, I've been MIA. Just have a lot going on, but I'm trying to keep it together and update for you guys. Thanks a bunch for the continued support, despite my inconsistency with updating.

The next chapter will be of Sakura's birthday party and then the departure, and then...we start with Syaoran's family drama and the real juice.