Li Shang: Let's get down to (Funny) Business!
MagmaWol - I'll take a look at it
Ferpaez99 - Yep!
Lucasdiaz9000 - I will do the first one, not the other 2
Ethan. - Wait and see
Outback Quack-X24 - Thank you. And I can only do so much when I'm working on other stories, schoolwork, and regular work.
PopCultureFan101 - Black Widow, Spider-Man: No Way Home, and Dr. Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
MagmaWol - I'll have to edit that, but I can try to put that in.
Guest2000 - Thank you! As for the third one, maybe.
Guest - That would be hypocritical after what he went through smitten with Ms. DiMartino
Gloyd R. Orangeboar - I know that. But then again, there are some people that include various non-canon stuff in material that they consider canon in their heart. Plus, what was what Chris Savino said… and he ain't in charge no more.
Also, I received my first vaccination for COVID-19.
Enjoy!
#6
Title Card: Funny Business
"Well, that clown wig really looks like Rusty's hair." Liam remarked.
"I can see that." mused Rusty.
"So is this about Luan's comedy business?" asked Giggles.
"Looks like it." said Polly.
[ Lincoln is walking outside his house to the tree so he can sit down and read comics.]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] "Ahh, nothing like reading comics on a peaceful summer-"
[A horn is honking and Lincoln screams, startled at the sound; it came from Luan in her clown outfit carrying her birthday props on a unicycle.]
Luan: "Whoa! A little help?" [falls off her unicycle]
"Wow that's a lot of clown stuff." remarked Carlota.
"I try to give out a lot of material for the kids." said Luan.
"Ever consider a wagon?" asked Carl.
"I did." Luan nodded.
Lincoln: [helps her up] "Back from another birthday party?"
Luan: [a bowling pin falls out of her mouth] "Uh, my third gig this weekend. I could really use an assistant. Hey, what about you? You're great with Gary."
[Gary chomps on Lincoln's comic.]
Lincoln: "Hey, stop that!"
"Who's that cute little bunny?" asked Sid with doe eyes.
"Oh that's Gary, my own pet." said Luan. "You know, like how Fangs is Lucy's own pet and Hops, Izzy, El Diablo, and all of Lana's other pets are, well, Lana's."
"He certainly enjoys my comics." Lincoln muttered.
Luan patted her little brother's back. "Don't worry Linc, I trained him better. Well, me and Lana." she said.
"You should help out at the zoo next time you're in the city." said Sid.
"That would be awesome!" exclaimed Lana.
Lincoln: "I thought Lucy was helping you."
[Flashback of Luan performing balloon animals at a circus themed birthday party.]
Luan: "And now, if my assistant will just hand me one more balloon, we'll have a pterodactyl."
[As Luan sees an empty corner, Lucy appears behind her with a balloon and startles her, popping the balloon in the process.]
Boy: [To Lucy] "You killed the dinosaur!"
[The kids start booing. A red FIRED sign appears over Lucy's Funny Business ID Card and a buzzer sounds. End flashback.]
"Oh dear." mumbled Howard.
"Word of advice, don't jump scare a clown when making balloon animals for kids." said Lola.
"Noted." Lucy said in monotone.
Luan: [Picks up a rubber chicken] "Lucy didn't work out. Neither did Lynn."
[Flashback of Luan juggling fruit while riding on a unicycle at a pirate themed birthday party.]
Luan: "Water you say we add some melon?"
[The kids cheer. Lynn throws a watermelon like a football, but accidentally hits Luan. The kids boo the performance. A red FIRED sign appears over Lynn's Funny Business ID Card and a buzzer sounds. End flashback.]
"LYNN!" exclaimed Rita.
"That could've hurt her stomach or her ribcage!" exclaimed Maria.
"Or both." said Arturo. "Watermelons are extremely heavy."
Lynn winced. "Sorry Luan."
"No worries sis." Luan replied.
Luan: "Or Leni."
[Flashback to another circus themed birthday party.]
Luan: "Why are clowns never bored? 'Cause we're good at keeping occu- pied ." [clears throat] " I said, good at keeping occu-pied ."
[Luan looks where Leni is, but there's nothing there but a pie. She turns and sees Leni in the crowd. Luan facepalms at this, walks to the pie and slaps it to her face, making the kids and Leni cheer. A red FIRED sign appears over Leni's Funny Business ID Card and a buzzer sounds. End flashback.]
"Oh for crying out loud." facepalmed Haiku.
"Assistants help their bosses, not watch from the audience… or at least in this case." said Clyde.
"Sorry Luan." apologized Leni.
"It's fine Leni." said Luan.
Luan: " Or Lisa."
[Flashback to a medieval themed birthday party as Luan does a trumpet fanfare dressed as a jester.]
Luan: "Hey, Birthday Boy. Why don't you take the seat of honor?"
[As the boy sits down, a farting noise from the Whoopee cushion is heard which Luan and the other kids laugh at.]
Lisa: [taking the cake away] "No, no! No one eat that cake! It clearly causes gastrointestinal distress."
[The kids start crying. A red FIRED sign appears over Lisa's Funny Business ID Card and a buzzer sounds. End flashback.]
Everyone one of the sisters of whom were fired from the Funny Business, Inc. were hiding their faces, i.e. Lisa, Lucy, Lynn, and Leni, their bungled attempts now made public for everyone to see whilst everyone laughs at their failures...
Lisa said, embarrassed with her cheeks red as fire, standing up and saying as loudly as she can, "THIS! IS NOT! FUNNY! So, we sucked at comedy! It's not like any of you Neanderthals could do any better! You didn't even give us another chance!"
Luan said, going into "critique" mode, "You wanna know why I fired you and not gave you another chance? Okay, then... you asked for it."
She suddenly dons a professional businesswoman look, having a bubble pipe in her hand, with a leather chair and mahogany desk from her hammerspace, "Here's why I was forced to relieve you of your stations, but first: to answer your question as to why I would not give you a second chance..."
She blew into her pipe and bubbles came out. "It's really very simple: they usually have a saying called 'Once bitten, twice shy'. In the business world, you can't afford to make the same mistake twice. One slip-up is usually bad enough to discourage potential clients, especially if you make an idiot of yourself in public. You see what I'm saying, girls?" The 4 nod their heads in understanding. She sat in a "Godfather" like pose, "Beautiful, glad you see where I'm coming from. You see, comedy is very serious to me..." she said, sticking the pipe in her mouth as she kept talking, "and in the world of comedy..."
Luan looked up at the ceiling nonchalantly leaning on her chair, "You can't afford to screw it up. You know what I mean? Just one mistake. Just one, and the other competitors will probably pounce where you screwed up." She said, slamming her fist on the desk and emphasizing the "you screwed up" part. "You understand? It was nothing personal, I just had to do what was best for my company. You understand. Now, as for why I fired you..."
Luan pulls out a dossier on Lisa, but before anyone could read it, "HEY HEY HEY HEY! This is confidential info of a former employee! Scoot back and let me read!" she snapped as the crowd moved back, not wanting to see how she deals with nosy people. "Mm-hm... 'Reason for termination: Lisa Loud was fired due to making a kid cry over a piece of cake which she claimed would cause distress.' Apparently, you never heard of those things called "whoopie-cushions", have you?"
Lisa blushed and said, "Admittedly, at the time, I have not."
Luan said, "Mm-hm, great, good. Moving on..." She pulls out a dossier on Lucy, "I see... 'Reason for termination: Lucy Loud was relieved of her job due to destroying the merchandise by accident.' You see, people generally don't tend to do death-themed parties unless they're for goths or emos. No offense, to any goths in the audience."
Lucy couldn't argue with that, and just simply blushed while looking at the floor.
Luan continued, pulling out a dossier on Lynn, "Uh-huh... 'Reason for termination: Lynn Loud sabotaged the act of her employer by using a watermelon as a football.' Honey, I liked your style, but you do understand that there is a time and place for everything, but there was no time to play sports back then. Get the picture?" She said, blowing into her pipe, making more bubbles come out.
Lynn nodded, embarrassed after she saw why throwing that watermelon like a football was a bad idea, now.
Luan went on, "Great, glad you understand. Maybe you'll be better in other areas, kid. Don't call us, we'll call you. Anyway..." She pulls out one last dossier on Leni Loud and reads it. "Yep... I see... 'Reason for termination: Leni Loud failed to recognize the proper timing of the joke, thus ruining the performance.' You see, sweetheart, when your joke's timing is off... the result is gonna be that the joke sucks. Understand me?"
Leni nods, and said, "But, that part was so hard...!"
Luan snapped, pounding her fist on the desk, "HARD?! Even someone with half of a brain like you should get the concept of 'PROPER TIMING', toots! It's not that hard to understand!" Luan was so in character, she didn't realize she insulted Leni.
Rita scolded, "Luan! That's no reason to insult your sister!"
Luan concluded, putting the dossiers away, "So, you see why I said I had better success with Lincoln..." She puts her feet up on the desk, reminiscing whilst blowing her pipe, "But, there's always one question I asked myself every night ever since... 'How did he do it? How did he manage to temporarily outfunny me?'"
Luan then went up directly in Rita's face, "And as for your comment, Mom, you just don't understand the business world. It's a hard, cold, cruel place... They ain't gonna be sweet to you out there, no matter how good ya look if you ain't got the brains for it. Only the corrupt corporates would do that. Catch my drift?"
Rita was taken off guard by Luan suddenly getting in her face like that, and said, "Y-yes, ma'am..." Lynn Sr. rolled his eyes at how easily his wife folded.
Luan went back to her desk, "And I have a feeling that I'm gonna find out how he managed to make me look like the second fiddle when that was his job."
Lincoln: [sarcastic] "Well, I am so honored to be your fifth choice."
"So I'm guessing the others weren't your assistants either?" asked Sam.
"I wasn't interested." said Lori.
"Same." said Luna.
"I'd rather goof off with my animal friends." said Lana as Hops landed on her head.
"And I'm too pretty to be wearing assistant clothes." said Lola.
"What about Lily?" asked Bobby.
"She was 1 at the time." said Luan as he sat back down. "And the only time Lily was with me during my gigs was whenever I was stuck babysitting her."
Luan: "Come on, Lincoln. Please? I really need your help."
Lincoln: "I don't know. I´m not really the performing type. I don't want to make a fool of myself on stage."
"But you perform now." said Stella. "With your magic tricks."
"And your awesome angel singing voice." added Paula.
"Being Luan's assistant gave me confidence." Lincoln replied.
Luan smiled at that.
Luan: "Don't worry. That's my job. All you have to do is help with the props."
Lincoln: "Uh, I don't know think it's for-" [notices Luan holding a slice of cake in a container.] "What's that?"
Luan: "Ah, just birthday cake. I always get sent home with leftovers."
Lincoln: "Oh..." [starts drooling upon seeing the dessert.]
Luan: "Usually I share it with my assistant. But since this job isn't for you-"
Lincoln: [Takes the cake] "When did I say that?"
[Luan smiles, A green HIRED sign appears over Lincoln's Funny Business ID Card and a bell rings.]
"So you bribed him with cake huh?" mused Ronnie Anne.
"Yeah, but he did enjoy being my assistant." said Luan.
"You bet your clown nose I did." Lincoln chuckled.
[At the first birthday party, like the one Leni got fired after, Luan is setting up the pie joke from earlier.]
Luan: "Why are clowns never bored? Cause we're good at keeping occu- pied ."
[Lincoln is about to throw the pie at Luan's face, but loses balance after tripping on a whipped cream can, and lands with a loud crash.]
Lincoln: "Sorry!"
[The kids are laughing and cheering.]
Several lush went around while Lincoln blushed and chuckled.
"Well that came out of nowhere!" laughed Ronnie Anne.
[Lincoln and Luan are on their way home.]
Lincoln: "That was awesome. The part when I tripped and then the audience laughed, and then clapped? Amazing!"
Luan: "Glad you enjoyed it. Now here, I need you to clean this. Gary pooped in it."
[Lincoln gets grossed out while a green stinky fume comes out of the top hat.]
"Eww!" everyone (bar Lana) exclaimed.
"Why would he even do that?!" exclaimed Roger, grossed out.
"You're guess is as good as mine." Luan replied.
[At the second birthday party, which is another pirate theme, Luan is juggling fruit while riding on her unicycle.]
Luan: " Water you say we add some melon?"
[The kids cheer. Lincoln appears running on a watermelon.]
Lincoln: [loses balance] "Whoa, nelly!" [falls on it]
[The kids laugh]
Everyone laughed again.
"Are you starting to feel jealous, Luan?" Benny asked the fourth Loud sibling.
"More like annoyed than jealous." Luan replied.
[Luna's and Luan's room]
Lincoln: "Man, great crowd, huh?"
Luan: "Yeah, super. So, what was that all about with the watermelon?"
Lincoln: "Well, you know, audiences seem to love it when I fall down so-"
Luan: "Let me worry about the audience. You take care of deodorizing these clown shoes."
"Ugh, the only shoes that smell worse than that are Lynn's." gagged Lori.
"Hey, I'm a hardworking player." said Lynn.
"And I'm Henry-Fucking-Mancini!" came Joe's voice, making everyone jump. (1)
[Lincoln exits the room while taking the clown shoes, then sees Lynn and Lana walking.]
Lincoln: "Whoopsy-daisy!" [falls and rolls at a distance while a loud crash is heard.]
[Lynn and Lana laugh at his performance.]
Lincoln: [takes a bow; to the viewers] "See? I do know what audiences like."
Luan's jaw fell open, she couldn't believe he managed to outshine her in a complete accident. Pure chance, no less.
Everyone looked at Lincoln for an explanation, "Yeah, uh... remember that lesson Bobby and Dad drilled into my head about letting my ego get the better of me just because I got lucky once? Spoiler alert, I have to learn that lesson yet again."
Bobby and Lynn Sr. facepalmed, they both talked to him about what happens when you get overconfident just because you got lucky ONCE.
Ronnie Anne said, "In other words: you learned nothing from your 'Girl Guru' incident, have you?"
Before Lincoln could defend himself, Luan butted in, her professional persona coming in full swing, "I think I can answer that question for the kid so he doesn't have to embarrass himself. You see, he got a taste of the spotlight... he made the laughs out on pure accident, making me look like a second-rate sideshow." She said.
Luan then leaned on the wall and frowned at the memory, looking up at the ceiling. "Remember when I said the business world was a cold place that could eat you alive if you made an imbecile out of yourself?" Everyone nodded and she continued, "Well, this kid let the fame go to his head, thinking he could actually outfunny me. To wit, I say 'You were an idiot for thinking that.' Sorry I'm so blunt, kid, but that's just how it goes in the business world. You were only playing in the minor leagues when it came to my clientele, kid. You see, those kids haven't developed this thing called 'comedic taste', they're not smart enough to have an opinion over what's funny and what's not. When he got to the major leagues later on... let's just say he came crawling back to me like a band who threw out their ex-drummer unfairly. So, while he did learn something from that day... he must've forgotten that lesson of not getting carried away with his luck back then, having a taste of the limelight for a brief time, and let's be honest: if people thought you were amazing, would you be able to say you could turn your back on it? Not let it go to your head, having thousands of fans admiring you, screaming your name? Being up there with the big stars like Charlie Chaplin, Milton Berle, Lucille Ball and so much more?"
Everyone fantasized about exactly that: being a big star and having everyone cater to your every whim. No one could rebut her.
Luan said, "Yeah, that's what I thought. Anyway, he got carried away with his luck and I had to bail him out in the major leagues. You'll see what I mean later."
[At the third birthday party, like the one Lucy got fired after, Luan is making something with balloons.]
Luan: "And now, if my assistant will hand me one more balloon, we'll have a pterodactyl."
Lincoln: [high-pitched voice while covered in balloons.] "I went a little overboard with the helium. Whoa, good gravy!" [falls back as a loud crash is heard, getting the kids to laugh and cheer.]
[Luan shakes in anger.]
Everyone, even Luan, couldn't help but laugh at Lincoln's high-pitched voice.
"Now that is funny!" chortled CJ.
"I love talking in a high-pitched voice after drinking helium." giggled Ronnie Anne.
"Let's do it right now!" said Lincoln.
Luan handed two balloons to Lincoln and Ronnie Anne. Then, a helium tank poofed in (thanks to Joe's magic). They filled up the balloons and sucked the helium.
"Gee, you sound funny with your voice like that." Ronnie Anne said with a high-pitched voice.
"Me? You have your voice just like mine." said Lincoln with a similar voice.
"So I do. Thanks for point that out Linka." teased Ronnie Anne.
"It's Lincoln." chuckled Lincoln. (2)
Everybody laughed.
[At the fourth birthday party, Luan juggles plates on her nose and both hands.]
Luan: "What did one plate say to the other? Lunch' is on me."
[She and the kids laugh.]
Lincoln: [holding a stack of plates] "Gadzooks!" [loses balance and lets his plates and Luan's plates fall down and break.]
[The kids crack up.]
Lincoln: "I guess lunch is on me."
[As the kids laugh, Luan gets ticked off at Lincoln.]
Bratty Kid's Mom: [laughing] "He is hilarious!"
Fat Mom: "I know. LOL. I just learned what that means."
[The other moms look at her unimpressed.]
"Once again, it's weird seeing adults, especially parents say stuff like LOl." said Miguel.
"Totally." said Fiona.
"Isn't that your mom Carol?" asked Dana.
"Yep. That's her." nodded Carol.
"Yep, stealing the spotlight." said Luna, seeing Lincoln doing his little falling stunt, overshadowing Luan.
Lincoln looked away.
"Hey Luan, what happened to your braces?" asked Rusty.
"I think this is like the fourth time it happened," added Carol.
"Lisa modified my gag teeth so I can cover my braces or show off bottom ones," answered Luan. "I occasionally forget to take them off, so that's why they 'vanished'."
"You're welcome." smiled Lisa.
[At the fifth birthday party, which is another medieval theme, Luan does a trumpet fanfare.]
Luan: "All right, Birthday boy. Why don't you take the seat of honor?"
[As Lincoln sits on the seat, the Whoopee cushion's farting noise is heard from under it.]
Lincoln: "Holy macaroni!" [falls back as a loud crash is heard.]
[The kids laugh like always; Lincoln is signing autographs while Luan angrily puts away her clown stuff.]
"Oh dear." said Laird, gulping.
"Yep. She's angry." said Mollie.
"I think you were overdoing it Lincoln." said Girl Jordan.
"Not think. Know." corrected Dante.
"Yeah…" Lincoln said, looking down at the ground.
[while going back home]
Lincoln: "Boy, we are killing it. But I've been thinking, maybe you should do a little less of the talky stuff and more of the pratfalls." [Enraged, Luan then drop all of her supplies and turns to Lincoln, he's shocked.]
Luan: "Are you kidding me?!"
Lincoln: "What?"
Luan: "Look, Lincoln. Just because you got a few laughs does not make you an expert on clowning. There's a lot more to it than just falling on your butt."
"She does have a point." said Benny. "Comedy comes in all shapes and sizes for performances for different kinds of people."
"He's right, think of various comedians like Eddie Murphy, John Mulaney, Dave Chapelle, and the late George Carlin, Robin Williams, and Rodney Dangerfield." added Frida.
"I understand that now." said Lincoln.
Lincoln: "Well, the audience sure seems to like my-"
Luan: "Lincoln, enough! No more pratfalls. I am the clown. You are the assistant. Now go refill these whoopee cushions."
Lincoln: "But they're already inflated."
[Luan deflates them at her brother's face.]
Luan: [frustrated] "Not anymore!"
[Luan walks to the house, opens the door then slams it.]
Lincoln: "Oh, yeah?! Well, that would've been funnier if you'd fallen on your butt!"
"Now you know how I feel in the attention hogging episode." laughed Lincoln.
Luan laughed nervously.
"There's a saying throughout the ages… Karma bites back." smiled Carlos.
"Kawma!" babbled Lily.
"Now that I think about it, that affair episode showed Lori's karma, both for that and playing with Clyde's feelings," noted Howard.
Lori flinched, realizing the same thing.
"None of you will be forgetting about that episode, are you?" slumped Lisa.
"Not by a long shot." shook Ronnie Anne.
[At Luna and Luan's room, Lincoln is refilling the whoopee cushions.]
Lincoln: "How dare she speak to me like that!" [inflates a whoopee cushion] "After everything I've done for this business?" [inflates another] "You'd think she'd have a little more-"
[Phone rings]
Lincoln: [answers it] "Funny Business, Inc. Your fun is our business. Lincoln speaking."
"Yep. Full of yourself." said Sameer.
Lincoln looked away.
"But then again, we all have been full ourselves once in a while, haven't we?" said Clyde.
Murmurs of agreement went around.
Woman on the phone: [chatters]
Lincoln: "Yes, we're available the 11th."
Woman on the phone: [chatters]
Lincoln: "What?"
Woman on the phone: [chatters]
Lincoln: "Oh, really?"
Woman on the phone: [chatters]
Lincoln: "Great. See you the 11th."
[Luan walks into her room.]
Luan: "Who did we just book?"
Lincoln: "Actually, the correct question would be, who did I just book?"
Lisa: [calling from her and Lily's room] "You're both wrong! It's 'whom'!" [slams her door]
"That's correct." nodded Carlos.
Lincoln: "They only wanted me."
Luan: "Yeah, right."
Lincoln: "It's true. You may not recognize my talent, but apparently the birthday party community does."
"The arrogance is dripping." mused Mr. Grouse.
Luan: "So, what are you gonna do for your act? Fall on your butt for an hour?"
Lincoln: "That's exactly what I'm going to do, cause the audiences love it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go put on my padded underwear."
[Luan gets angry, kicks the glass case and it shatters. Gary hops down and eats some cake.]
"And this is where reality kicks me in the butt and gives me a reality check once more." sighed Lincoln.
"Yeah, you could use that right about now." nodded Casey.
[At the sixth and last birthday party]
Lincoln: "So, how old is the birthday girl? Four? Five?"
Maggie's Mom: "Thirteen."
[It's revealed that the birthday party is full of emo tweens. One of them hits a pinata and hugs it immediately.]
"Oh boy. It's an emo party." said Stella.
"This is gonna end well." Grant deadpanned.
"Cassy!" Carol exclaimed with a smile.
Everyone looked at her.
"Your sister? Where?" asked Kotaro.
"On the left of the teen hugging the pinata." Carol replied, pointong.
Everyone looked and saw said girl. She had pale skin, (though not as pale as Lucy, Haiku, Persephone, and Boris), blonde hair similar to Connor, eyes barely visible through her bangs, wearing a purple shirt, a white scarf tied around her waist, black pants, white shows, and a black beanie.
"That's your sister?" asked Sam.
"Yep. I recognize my emo sis anywhere." nodded Carol.
Lincoln: "Oh. A little older than usual crowd, but no problem. My comedy is ageless."
"Sadly no." sighed Lincoln.
"Well to some of us it is." said Clyde, making Lincoln smile.
[The next scene, Lincoln throws a banana peel on stage.]
Lincoln: "Hey, guys! Who's ready to laugh?" [slips on a banana peel] "Whoopsie doodle! Now who put this here?"
Maggie: "Um, you did, obviously."
"Um, Lucy? Is she one of your friends, she looks like your style." said Lola.
"Actually, Lucy is a goth and she is an emo. Those are different." said Lucy.
Lucy and the Mortician Club had a smile when they heard that.
"That's Maggie." said Luan.
"Oh, your emo friend right?" asked Rita.
Luan nodded.
Lincoln: [shakes his head and holds up gag glasses.] "Maybe these glasses will help me see better!" [puts on the glasses and the eyes pop out and falls onto Maggie's poster.] "Eye-a-watha!" [gets back up and takes off the glasses.] "I really gotta get my prescription checked."
Maggie: "Mom, look what that loser clown did to my poster."
"Oh boy, you're starting to lose them." said Chunk.
"I've had that happen several times to be back in the day with my band." said Hector.
[Lincoln takes the poster off of him. The emos get their phones out and text.]
Lincoln: "Oh, look at that! I have a message, too! Mom, didn't I tell you not to text me at..." [falls on the table as the cake flies into the air.] "Whoa!" [the cake lands on him.] "Remember, guys. Never walk and text!"
Tween #1: "Ugh, now he's gonna lecture us?"
Maggie: [scowls] "He ruined my cake! Mom, why did you hire him? I swear, if I had a door around me, I would slam it so hard right now!"
"Now you've made them mad." Clyde winced.
"Reality biting me in the butt." sighed Lincoln.
Lincoln: "Um, excuse me, everyone. There will now be a brief, unscheduled intermission. Text amongst yourselves!"
[Lincoln runs off stage but is stopped by Maggie's Mom.]
Maggie's Mom: "Where are you going? I paid you to perform for an hour."
Lincoln: "But I'm doing my best material, and they hate me."
Maggie's Mom: "Well, try something else. You're a professional clown, aren't you?"
"To be fair, she should've told him what kind of kids he would be dealing with." said Frida.
"And I should've asked." sighed Lincoln.
[Lincoln looks over at the other parents.]
Maggie's Dad: "Remind me not to book Funny Business, Inc. for my kid's birthday."
Fat Mom: "Me neither."
Bratty Kid's Mom: "Oh, me neither. I don't want my kid to hate me."
"Uh oh." several people said.
"Now Funny Business, Inc.'s getting tarnished." said Stella.
Lincoln: "Sorry, gotta run to the little clown's room."
[Lincoln runs inside a photo booth to call Luan with his phone.]
Luan: "Funny Business, Inc. Your fun is our business!"
Lincoln: "Luan!"
Luan: [makes static noises] "I'm sorry, I can't hear you. My clown car's going through a tunnel."
[As Luan hangs up the phone, it rings again and she answers again.]
Lincoln: "Luan, it's me."
Luan: "I know. That's why I hung up."
"Really Luan?" asked Becky, unimpressed.
"I was still mad at him." said Luan.
"Your business is on the line. Literally!" exclaimed Sid.
[She hangs up the phone again, but it rings once again and she answers once more. She looks irritated.]
Luan: "This is a business line, Lincoln! What do you want?"
Lincoln: "Luan, I'm bombing out here. You gotta help me, please!"
Luan: [sarcastic] "Oh! How could I possibly help you? You're the clowning expert."
Lincoln: "No, I'm not. You are. You told me there's a lot more to clowning than just falling on your butt, and you were right. Will you please come help me?"
Luan: "I don't know, Lincoln. Maybe bombing would be a good learning experience for you."
"It already was." sighed Lincoln.
Lincoln: "Well, there's one other thing. I think I'm ruining the reputation of Funny Business, Inc. These parents are brutal!"
Luan: "Don't move! I'll be right there." [hangs up and puts on her helmet, which produces a bizarre squishing sound, meaning only one thing.] "Ugh, Gary!"
[Gary nervously blushes]
"EWW!" everyone exclaimed again.
"I had to take a 10-minuet shower to get that outta my hair." shuddered Luan.
"That would explain the steam coming out of the shower." said Lola.
[As Lincoln is still in the photo booth looking nervous, Luan appears on her unicycle.]
Lincoln: "Luan! Wait, how did you know I was in here?"
Luan: [holds out some photos of Lincoln from the photo booth. Most show Lincoln looking freaked out. Only one he posed for.] "Well, this was a pretty good clue."
Some snickers went around.
Lincoln: "Oh! So, what's the plan?"
Luan: "Okay, let's see what we've got here."[observes the crowd] "Hmm, Emo tweens. Notoriously tough crowd. But, don't worry, this isn't my first mope fest."
"How did you prepare for the rest of those kinds of parties?" asked Nikki.
"By studying clowning and comedy." Luan replied.
The sisters were confused. If Lincoln had just snubbed them like he had done to Luan, they'd most likely leave him hanging to solve his own problem unless it was so bad he couldn't handle it himself.
Luan said, anticipating their question and again, in her businesswoman costume, "You're probably gonna ask me 'Luan, why didn't you just leave the boy to rot? His own ego got him in this mess, why'd you dig him out of it?' Well..." She said, blowing on her bubble pipe, "To put it lightly, I'm not exactly a vengeful kind of girl. Besides, I'm his superior when he's on the job, and being his employer, I have to be ready to cover for his screw-ups. Honestly, I'm thinking of hiring interns just in case Lincoln can't be there for me. Anyone interested?"
Nothing but dead silence greeted Luan. Luan rolled her eyes, "Only in it for the money and fringe benefits, I see. Amateurs." She puts the bubble pipe in her mouth and leans back on the wall, "Speaking of which... hey, rookie, I didn't say it at the time, but you really did hurt my feelings, you know. The fact that you had the actual gall to snub your superior like that, and using minor league tactics in a major league audience? Kid, you're bright... and you've got a good mind up there, and you do something so amateur hour just because you think you're the kingpin of comedy?"
Lincoln felt bad, and said to her, "Luan... I'm sorry. I thought you just laughed it off like you do everything else?"
Somehow defying all sense of logic, Luan was blowing bubble rings and she said, "Nope. Ya hurt my feelings." Truth was, she did accept his apology, but Luan was just playing coy.
Lincoln kept going with his apology, "You're right. I was being arrogant, tried to play with the big dogs with nothing but a few cheap jokes, thinking I was able to handle it. If it weren't for your help, well... I think the emos would've done worse than boo me off the stage and I would've ruined your company. I didn't know better than a professional, and I had no business acting like I knew more about comedy than you... I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings, too."
Luan was gonna keep milking it until she felt him hug her. She finally broke character and said with a smile while hugging him back, "Hey, it's okay. I'm not mad at you about that, anymore, I was just kidding. After all, it's my job to cover for my employees' mistakes, esp. if they're bad at being entertaining. But, next time, just stay in your own lane and leave the big leagues to me."
Lincoln replied, "That's what I plan to do... boss." The comedian simply hugged him back, business suit and all.
[The next scene, Luan is seen on stage dressed as a mime and pretends to be trapped inside a box.]
Maggie: "Oh, I get it. She's, like, trapped in a box. That's exactly how I felt when my mom said I couldn't dye my hair purple."
"Nice miming Luan!" complimented Tabby.
"Thanks." Luan smiled.
"I think Maggie would look good with purple hair." mused Leni.
"I was thinking the exact same thing." said Carlota.
[Lincoln, who is also dressed as a mime, looks from backstage and smiles while Luan pretends to climb a ladder.]
Tween #1: "Wow. It's like the soul crushing pointlessness of seventh grade."
"Yeah 7th grade was rough." said Lynn.
Those who were in 7th grade before agreed.
[Luan goes backstage to get Lincoln, who is feeling nervous.]
Luan: "You ready to do this?"
Lincoln: [nervously] "I don't know."
Luan: "You'll be fine. Just follow my lead."
Lincoln smiled thankfully at Luan.
[Both Lincoln and Luan walk onstage and do a mirror routine.]
Maggie: "Wow! It's about how we're all just, like, clones."
Tween #2: "That's what I was gonna say."
Maggie: "Exactly."
[Lincoln and Luan finish their routine and the emo kids slowly give an applause.]
Everyone applauded. Lucy and the other goths looked impressed with Luan's miming and the black haired girl said, "Maggie was right. Your miming is quite impressive, Luan."
Luan only bowed to her sister and said, "What can I say? I'm a mistress at what I do, Lucy."
Lucy said, "If you ever teach Lincoln how to do that, I wouldn't mind using your services for my next birthday party."
Luan told her, "Well... I suppose I might be able to work in a little something-something for you by then."
Luan was already brainstorming on ideas of how she could impress her sister and her friends with her miming, and perhaps with Lincoln's help.
Maggie's Dad: "I have to get their business card."
[The other parents murmur in agreement.]
Bratty Kid's Mom: "Well, I call the weekend of the 22nd."
[The goth kids start cheering and a single black rose is tossed onto stage as Luan picks it up.]
"And the business is saved!" exclaimed Rusty.
[Later, Lincoln and Luan are heading home with their props and costumes; Luan is riding her unicycle.]
Lincoln: "Thanks for saving my butt. You were amazing out there. And I'm sorry for the way I was acting."
Luan: "It's okay. I remember how great it was to get my first big laugh. I shouldn't have been so harsh."
"The irony is, Luan got narcissistic when people laughed at her for the first time, but did not try to explain this to Lincoln based on her own experiences." said Sid.
Luan laughed nervously.
Luan: "Still my assistant?"
Lincoln: "Still your assistant."
"And still am to this day!" added Lincoln, sharing a smile with Luan.
Lincoln: "Let me get those for you." [accidentally rips the bag and slips on the spilled whoopee cushions.] "Whoa!"
[Lincoln lands on them, which all make farting sounds.]
Luan: [chuckles] "You know, that actually was kind of funny. Here, let me help..." [Her unicycle slips on another whoopee cushion, sending her flying.] "Whoa, good gravy!" [lands on the whoopee cushions and Lincoln and they laugh.] "Hiawatha!"
[The two siblings do pratfalls as they land on the whoopee cushions and laugh again.]
Everyone laughed again.
"Now that was funny!" laughed Carl.
"And one of my favorite memories with you Luan." added Lincoln with a smile. He then frowned. "I'm sorry I kept stealing your spotlight and almost ruined your business."
Luan smiled and ruffled Lincoln's hair. "It's ok little bro. I understand. As Sid said, I got full of myself when I got my first laugh." she said "I should've given you my experience. But hey, I'm not mad at you anymore. I still love having you as my assistant. And my little brother."
Lincoln smiled.
"And you wanna know something else? The reason why I wanted you as my assistant was because I felt like we didn't spend enough time together nowadays." Luan added with a smile. "Sure I bribed you with cake, but I thought it would be a good bonding experience between us."
"Well, I'd say it worked." said Lincoln as he and Luan shared a hug. Luan then gave Lincoln a kiss on the head.
Everyone smiled at that.
"By the way, how did you and Maggie become friends?" asked Margo.
"Yeah, how did a comedian like you befriend an emo like her?" added Polly.
"We met a little while after her birthday party." Luan explained. "We talked over coffee and she admitted that she liked my work. She also said that her mom wanted her to have friends outside of her emo circle, to be more down to earth if you will."
"That's one of the reasons I consider people like Clyde, Rocky, Ronnie Anne, and several others my friends as well." added Lucy.
"So after talking, we decided to become friends." said Luan. "And she's a pretty good one."
"And so are you."
Everyone gasped. They turned and saw none other than Maggie herself. She approached Luan.
"Hello Luan." she greeted nonchalantly.
"Maggie! You're here!" exclaimed Luan, shocked. "What are you doing here?"
"Your host brought me in, like what he did with that rock star person, Mick Swagger." Maggie replied. "Using his magic, he helped me understand what was going on."
"Oh. I see. Well it's good to see you." Luan replied.
"You too." said Maggie. She turned to the group. "As for why I decided to befriend Luan, her work in miming spoke to me. I was impressed as to how she was able to speak our language, so to speak. And as she said, since mother wanted me to have more friends outside of my emo group, I thought she would be a good person. And I've never regretted it since, especially since she saved my birthday party."
Everyone smiled at that.
Maggie then turned to Lincoln. "And or the record, mother would have forbidden me from doing worse than booing you off the stage... and don't take this the wrong way, but I am afraid your performance simply did not do it for me and my friends. I have seen funnier things on the back of a Count Chocula box, and your pretentious attitude was quite irritating to see."
Lincoln winced at his comedy being called worse than something on the back of a cereal box, but he said, "That's understandable..."
Luan stared at Maggie, "Ah, he'll make you laugh one day, probably even better than I can."
Maggie merely said, "That remains to be seen... but, I suppose I will give him another chance at my next birthday party."
"Sorry about your party." apologized Lincoln. "I promise I won't offend you in any way next time."
Maggie gave a curt nod. "I'll accept your promise and apology." she said, holding out her hand.
Lincoln took her hand and shook it. Maggie turned back to Luan.
"Thank you for being my friend Luan. Your friendship has helped me see that not all of life is horrendous and unfair." she said.
"Of course!" smiled Luan. "I'm happy we're friends. Do you ever wanna come over some time?"
Maggie gave a small smile. "I'd like that." she said.
Maggie then began to glow. "It would appear that I am heading back to our dimension. I won't forget this moment." she said.
"Bye Maggie!" everyone said.
"See ya real soon!" called Luan.
Maggie smiled at that as she vanished back to the regular dimension.
"You two have a cool friendship." Lincoln remarked.
"Yeah. Yeah we do." Luan said in agreement.
"Well, let's see what's next." said Lori.
Everyone faced the screen again.
To be continued…
And done! Bet you didn't expect Maggie to show up like Mick Swagger, did ya?
I'll address the whole fandom thing with the ship 'Luaggie' after Season 1 concludes.
Keep up the dialogue suggestions!
Up next, we're gonna be Snow Bored.
Special thanks to:
Fickleness16
Turnabout Of The Shadows
Omarnosian10
Guest2000
(1) Reunited Apart with Josh Gad Season 2 episode 1 - Wayne's World
(2) Open Season