Chapter 52.
Jack had been obediently watching Netflix and for the past half an hour, Sam had been watching it with him, although, mostly, he was watching Jack. It was difficult to miss that the kid was troubled and although he knew Dean had sent Jack away to avoid causing him more distress, it had failed. Jack had wanted to help and Sam knew exactly how he felt.
When they reached the end of the episode, Sam said, "Hey, wanna blow this joint for a while? Cas is with Sarah, Dean needs time. You, me and the Impala don't seem to be needed."
At mention of the Impala, Jack looked a lot more interested. "Will Dean be okay with that?" he said.
Sam took out his phone and called Dean. "Hey, Dean," he said, "Jack and I are taking the Impala for a spin. That okay with you?"
"Is Jack okay?" said Dean.
"Of course he is. He's getting out of this stress factory for an hour. How are you?"
"Fine." said Dean.
"Really? We're back to that?"
"Cas is the one we all need to worry about, so, just for now, accept fine as fact, okay?"
"Okay. Do you want me to call Rowena?"
"It's dealt with." said Dean.
"You spoke to her?"
"Yeah. I made our views clear and she gets it. She says she's still our ally."
"Do you believe her?"
"I believe she has more sense than to provoke a violent response from us. It's dealt with. Put her out of your mind. Get out of here. Buy the kid a milkshake and make sure he stays okay, because he's been through enough."
"Agreed. I'll see you later." He put the phone away and said, "Dean's happy with the plan, so let's go."
"What was that about Rowena?" said Jack.
"Dean's reminded her that Castiel is off-limits."
"You think she'll accept that?"
"Dean can be persuasive."
"Was I wrong to take the crystal?" said Jack as they headed to the garage.
"No, you weren't. What he did was dangerous and I wish he'd waited until Michael's out of the picture, but it just shows what protecting you and Claire and Jules means to him. By accepting it, you're giving him the only peace any of us can give him for now."
"I just want to help him, but I never know how." said Jack.
"Loving him, listening to him and letting him protect you are the best things you can do for him." said Sam, knowing that he was talking as much about what he could do for Dean. "And don't feel bad because he harmed himself to protect you." he went on, "It isn't your fault in any way. Sometimes, for the people we love, we do dumb, dangerous things. It's not because they made us do it."
"It doesn't make it feel less my fault." said Jack.
"No, I know. I still blame myself for Dean going to Hell. Still, I say all the right stuff, even if I don't listen to myself."
Jack smiled at him. "Sam, you help. You help me a lot."
They reached the Impala. As Jack opened the door to get in, Sam said, "You help too, Jack. You know, you came into my life just when I needed you. You're my light in the darkness. You're something to believe in when I lose faith in everything else."
"Never lose faith in Dean. He'll never let us down." said Jack and Sam saw the same certainty in his eyes that he himself had clung to for decades. Whatever went wrong, however much Dean might doubt himself, he remained their rock and anchor.
"No, he won't." said Sam.
As they drove, Sam thought a lot about Dean and especially about what he had said to Rowena ... what she had said to him. He hadn't sounded like he wanted to discuss it and Sam was aware that Rowena could be infuriating and also frighteningly perceptive.
She knew how to push Dean's buttons and she took delight in it, even at times when it might be wise not to start a fight with him. Most of the time, she meant no harm. It was a game to her, just as a cat could be playful with a mouse at a time when things were a little more life and death for the rodent. She liked Dean, but she enjoyed playing with his feelings, denting his pride and calling his bluff. None of those things were fun for Dean.
He wasn't going to call her himself. Dean had said it was dealt with and whether he believed that or not, now was not the time to show even a hint of doubt in Dean. More than anything, Dean needed to believe in his belief in him.
"Did Castiel say what he and Dean talked about or whether they argued?" said Jack.
Sam felt bad for not setting his mind at ease sooner. "I think it went okay." he said, "Cas said Dean forgave him for keeping things from him."
Jack exhaled and some of the tension left his shoulders. "Good. That's what he needs. When he thinks someone is angry with him, it's like torture. It eats him up inside."
"He still doesn't get that Dean gets angry because it's easier than admitting that he's scared. Dad's fault. He never wanted us to show fear, but anger was fine. He was trying to make us strong, but it's conquering fear, not denying it, that does that."
"That makes sense." said Jack.
"Yeah, it does, so you remember that, Jack. There's no shame in admitting fear. You never have to hide anything like that. You know that, right? You can tell us anything, anytime. Even Dean will understand, because he may play by old patterns, but he sees them for what they are most of the time and even more so when he's not the one they apply to."
"I know I can be honest with you. I can admit fear or weakness or doubt and all of you will help me."
"Yes, we will and it will never make us think less of you. And if we sometimes don't do what we say you should do, judge us kindly. We had a messed up childhood."
"Your adult life hasn't been great either," said Jack, "But here you are, still repeatedly saving the world ... saving me."
"You're worth it, Jack, always." said Sam.