A/N: I've had a couple of people say they'd like a chapter in Mila's POV, so just wanted to open it up and ask your guys thoughts on this and if it's something you'd like?
As always, thanks for reading, and thanks for the awesome reviews guys!
After the delicious breakfast she had been treated to, Santana really wasn't sure how much she'd be able to stomach as she sat down at the diner, given that she was still full. The three of them were meeting Finn and Quinn for lunch, and Santana had been reluctant at first because she worried about Mila walking on her ankle too much, but Brittany persuaded her that a trip out for lunch where Mila would mostly be seated wouldn't harm. Mila loved just being in New York with Brittany and her mom, but Brittany could tell from the way she kept staring out the apartment window that she needed to blow the cobwebs off, even if only for a couple of hours.
While Brittany scoured the menu, Santana kept her eye on the door for Quinn's arrival, catching Mila out of the corner of her eye messing around with the saltshaker.
"Mila!" Santana scolded, grabbing a napkin to wipe the mess of salt grains off the table that her daughter had created.
"Sorry..." Mila grinned sheepishly, as Brittany stifled a laugh, reminded how once again Mila was her mother's daughter as she thought about all the times Santana would mess around with the saltshakers at Breadstix when they were young, and was often scolded by her own mother for doing just what Mila had done.
Before Santana could say anymore, Quinn breezed in with Finn in tow.
"Hey guys, sorry we're late!" she said, greeting Santana and Brittany with a hug and a kiss, before bending down to Mila "Oh sweetie your foot! Your Mama told me all about it. Did it hurt bad?"
"Yeah, it hurt super bad Aunty Quinn, but I was very brave, right Mama?"
"You were very brave sweetheart, yes".
"You poor thing" Quinn cooed, squeezing Mila's hand "I think this calls for an extra-large sundae after dinner, my treat!"
Mila's eyes sparkled at that, and Quinn stood back up to introduce her goddaughter to Finn, who was awkwardly standing there with his hands in his pockets and his half-smile, after already saying a quick hello to Brittany and Santana.
"Finn, obviously you already know Santana and Brittany, but this little lady is Mila".
"Hey Mila" Finn smiled "I've heard a lot about you from your mom and your Aunty Quinn".
"So, are you dating my Aunty Quinn? Do I get to call you Uncle Finn now?" Mila asked.
"Mila!" Santana scolded once again, the fact her daughter had developed her straight up attitude was becoming glaringly more obvious as the years went on.
"It's okay Santana" Quinn laughed "Hmm...I'm not sure he's quite Uncle Finn material yet Mila but...maybe one day soon he will be" she said, directing the last part over to Finn and causing him to break out into an even goofier grin.
If Santana wasn't so happy in her own love bubble, she probably would have found the level of cuteness between Finn and Quinn pretty gross, but she was actually just so happy that Quinn seemed to be finding her own happiness.
"So, do you guys have any nice plans for this evening?" Finn asked in between mouthfuls of food.
"I think just another movie night for the three of us" Santana replied.
"One of our favourite things to do as a family" Brittany added, and Santana couldn't help but smile wide at the sound of Brittany calling them a family once again.
"But you're in New York and it's a Saturday night! Don't you have any dinner reservations or tickets to a show?" Quinn asked.
"You're forgetting New York is like a second home to me Quinn" Santana laughed "We've seen all there is to see at this point. Being here is just about being with Brit and the three of us spending time together, rather than a vacation. Plus, Mila can't really be on her foot too much".
"It'd be nice if you guys could make use of some alone time though and have a little date night. Finn and I actually have no fixed plans tonight because we've spent all week doing the touristy stuff. Why don't you let us watch Mila, and the two of you can go out for dinner together? If that's okay with you Meels?"
"Sure is, Aunty Q!"
"No Q come on, I can't let you spend your vacation cooped up in Brit's apartment, no offence Brit, and babysitting. You said it yourself, it's Saturday night, you're in New York. Go make dinner reservations or go to a show and have some fun!"
"What better way to have fun than to spend the night with my favourite child? It's settled Santana. You and Brit deserve some time alone together, so I am making this date mandatory, and if you don't make dinner reservations for the two of you, then I will".
"Well...I guess I can't argue with that" Santana laughed, looking towards her girlfriend.
They finished up their meals and chatted idly about their respective trips and everything that Quinn and Finn had done together in their time here, with Brittany throwing in some great recommendations of all the lesser-known stuff that they needed to do while they were here. Whilst Finn was paying the cheque, insisting that he was treating everyone despite Santana and Brittany's objections, and Santana and Mila were in the bathroom, Brittany seized her chance to ask the fellow blonde something.
"Hey listen, could you do me a favour tonight?"
"Sure, what is it?" Quinn asked quizzically.
"Could you try find out how Mila feels about Santana and I being together?"
"Oh Brit come on, I don't even need to ask!" Quinn began.
"I know, I know. I know what you're thinking. Mila loves me, and yeah she does, I know that but...these past few months have been a lot for her. She's had a lot of change in a short space of time and I just want to make sure she's okay with everything and that it's not moving too fast for her. I just don't want her to be weirded out by it all. You know what she's like Quinn, she's so polite and afraid of hurting people's feelings, so I know she'd never admit it to San and I if she was feeling funny about everything, but maybe she would to you".
"Brittany" Quinn began, taking hold of Brittany's hand and giving it a squeeze "this is the girl who made her birthday wish the two of you being together. And even though I think you're crazy for even worrying about this, if it's going to put your mind at ease, of course I'll find out for you".
"Thanks Quinn" Brittany smiled, squeezing her hand in return.
"Bye baby, have fun tonight, but remember to go easy on that ankle okay?" Santana said, bending down to give Mila a kiss goodbye "And no funny business at bedtime. When Aunty Quinn says it's time to sleep, it's time to sleep, no begging to stay up late".
"Bye gorgeous, have fun with Aunty Quinn!" said Brittany, also bending down to give her a kiss.
"And not too much popcorn Q, She'll be up all night otherwise"
"Yes Santana, I know..." Quinn laughed.
"And remember to keep her ankle elevated and iced! And make sure the star-projector is on!"
"Santana will you just get out of here, you two have a hot date to be getting on with so goodbye and have fun!" Quinn ushered the two of them towards the door before Santana could say anything further, as Mila laughed at the antics.
"Bye Mama! Bye Aunty Brit!" she yelled after them, as they both turned around one last time to blow kisses before exiting out the door.
With both girls firmly en route to their date night, Finn grabbed the popcorn.
"Right then ladies, I'll go and heat this up, and then we can get started on that movie".
"Come on Mila Grace, let's go pick out a movie while we wait for our popcorn" said Quinn, leading Mila over to the couch and propping her ankle up on a mountain of cushions.
"Comfortable?" she checked.
"Mm-hm" Mila nodded.
"Good" Quinn smiled, ruffling Mila's hair a little, before glancing in the kitchen to check that Finn was still busy in the kitchen. Finn was still a stranger to Mila, so she knew what Brittany had tasked her with would only work if she was alone with the little girl. "So, it must be nice being here to see your Aunty Brit huh?"
"It's super great, Aunty Quinn. I love spending time with Aunty Brit...and you too of course!" said Mila, always careful not to hurt anyone's feelings.
"Super? You like that word don't you. You use it a lot lately" Quinn observed, wrinkling her nose in adoration for the girl she had seen grow from a newborn to an 11-year-old.
"Well at school we've been doing a lot of adjectives" Mila shrugged.
"Of course. Well super is a great adjective!" Quinn encouraged "How's school going by the way?"
"It's good" Mila shrugged again, averting her eyes slightly. Quinn knew she was feeling uncomfortable and wasn't telling the truth. She hadn't even intended to touch on school, but since it had come up, she thought she would ask. She knew from speaking to Santana that she wasn't having the best time at school lately, and of course she had been present for the whole Lily encounter.
"Did you sort things out with Lily? Are you friends again?"
"Yeah, I guess so"
But once again, Quinn knew Mila well enough to know she wasn't being entirely truthful.
"Sweetie, friends do grow apart you know? And that's really sad, but it's also completely normal. You'll be starting a new school later this year, and you'll meet heaps of new friends. Ones who maybe have the same interests as you and more things in common with".
Mila chewed her lip uncertainly, but nodded simultaneously as she took Quinn's words in.
"Popcorns almost done girls! Be with you in a minute!" Finn shouted.
"Okay babe!" Quinn shouted back, before turning back to Mila. She decided to drop the school subject and go into what she was meant to ask originally before she lost her chance. "And how are things at home? It must be a little different getting used to it just being you and Mama again. Do you miss Dani?"
"I do miss her" Mila sighed honestly "I saw her on my birthday, and she got me an awesome gift. I hope I get to see her again soon".
"Well...if your Mama is okay with it, maybe you and I could visit Dani one time".
"I'd like that a lot" Mila smiled "As long as Mama is okay with it though. I just want for her to be happy".
"I know that sweetie. That's what all of us want. But Aunty Brit makes her happy right?"
"So happy." Mila nodded, her eyes lighting up "I don't think I ever saw her so happy. Sometimes, I even catch her singing in the shower" Mila giggled.
Quinn laughed along with her before finally getting to the question she had been building up to ask.
"How about you though Meels? Are you happy with it all? Because I want you to know that if you do find things a little weird or a little hard to get used to, that it's completely okay. And I want you to know you can talk to me about that and it stays between you and me".
"Oh, Aunty Quinn no" Mila shook her head frantically "I love that Aunty Brit and Mama are girlfriends. It's all I ever wanted. I don't find it weird, honest".
"It's okay honey, I believe you!" Quinn assured, quickly calming the little girl "I just wanted to make sure because you know...sometimes adult relationships can be confusing for a little girl, and I just wanted to check that you're happy with everything and that you're not just going along with things to make your Mama happy".
"I love Aunty Brit more than anything" Mila said earnestly, and this time she wasn't worried about offending Quinn by choosing one aunty over the other. "She always makes Mama and I smile and laugh, and she great takes care of us. She even came to look after us when we both got sick. It makes me super happy that my wish finally came true. Now my next wish is that we get to live together all the time. Things are great with Mama, but things are even more awesome when Aunty Brit is around. She makes us feel safe".
And this time, Quinn knew Mila was being 100 percent truthful.
"Well, who knows what the future might bring little one" Quinn smiled, just in time for Finn to return with the popcorn. Before she dug in herself, she pulled out her cell to text Brittany.
To: Brittany
Spoke to Mila, and it's exactly like I said. That girl is so, so happy that you two are together. You should have seen the sparkle in her eye, Brit when she talked about you! Honestly, you have nothing to worry about 3 Hope you're having a great night!
Brittany sighed contentedly to herself, happy from the wine, the great food, and the even better company. Tonight had been simple but special, and as much as Brittany adored the bones of Mila, Quinn was right; time as a couple was sacred.
A blush rose to the blonde's cheeks as she sensed dark brown eyes boring into her.
"What?" Brittany asked, coming over shy all of a sudden "do I have pasta sauce around my mouth?"
Santana simply shook her head, refusing to avert her intense stare, her face rested on the palm of her hand.
"Then what are you looking at?" Brittany giggled nervously.
This time it was Santana's turn to let out a content sigh.
"Just...you"
Brittany swallowed, and she felt her heart physically swell, she was sure of it. She was well aware she was living up to every cliché of someone in love but, with Santana coming out with statements like this, she couldn't help it.
"I'm serious Britts, I mean. I don't know how we even got here, and at the same time I don't know how we didn't get here sooner, but suddenly here we are, and life just feels so right. You know...for years I would just sit from afar as your best friend and secretly watch you. I counted the number of times you'd smile at me and...I'd die on the days that you didn't".
Brittany felt her eyes water at the unexpected words. Afterall, she had been waiting to hear these words for years, even longer than Santana had, and even though they had officially been together for almost 2 months now, it still didn't feel real to her that Santana was finally hers.
"Sometimes I can't believe that you're actually mine" Santana said, shaking her head, her eyes wide as she stared at her girlfriend in disbelief, echoing Brittany's own thoughts.
"Ditto baby" said Brittany, reaching for Santana's hand. She wanted to say so much more, but right now she was too filled with emotion, but she knew she could relay her thoughts through touch instead.
"I love you so much" Santana said earnestly, and this time it was Brittany's turn to shake her head in disbelief.
"I love you too" Brittany smiled, and the two of them shared a look only for each other.
A few charged moments later Santana composed herself, taking Brittany's hand to her lips and placing a light kiss there.
"Be right back, just going to the bathroom"
Brittany simply nodded and let out a smile as she squeezed Santana's hand before letting her go, watching her girlfriend as she walked, and only averting her eyes when Santana disappeared into the bathroom. Brittany shook her head again, her head spinning with emotions. She had no idea if it was the distance that caused them to be this soft, or the fact that they had taken so long to finally get together after years of pining, or if they would just always be like this. All she knew, was that she was madly in love.
She took out her cell and saw the message from Quinn sent a couple of hours earlier and smiled even more when she read the contents. She knew deep down that Mila approved of everything, she just had to double make sure. But now she knew she had nothing to worry about and that life with her two girls was just perfect.
To: Quinn
Thx so much Quinn! I'm relieved. I think I knew in my heart she'd approve but, had to make sure. Having a great night, thx so much again for doing this. Just paying the cheque then we shouldn't be much longer. Give our baby girl an extra goodnight kiss from us! Xx
Just as Brittany was putting her cell away, Santana returned.
"You got room for dessert?"
"That chocolate brownie was really calling my name but, I don't know San, think I'm too full to be honest".
"Good because I paid the cheque already" Santana smiled "I checked my cell while I was in the bathroom and Quinn text 30 minutes ago to say Mila was fast asleep. So, I kind of wanna get you home and take advantage of a different kind of dessert".
Brittany felt her breath catch in her throat, both at Santana's words and the way her fingers danced lightly up her thighs under the table. She was so turned on, that it took a moment to realise what Santana had said about the cheque.
"What!? No. I said I was paying"
Santana simply removed her hand from Brittany's thigh to place her finger on her lips instead.
"Shush. You always pay. This is my treat to you. No arguments".
Brittany could tell by the smirk on Santana's face that she wasn't going to win this one. Besides she had already handed over her card and the server was already on his way back over with it.
"Fine" Brittany raised her eyebrows "But I'm paying next time".
Santana raised her eyebrows in return and was about to carry on their playful conversation, when they were interrupted by the server.
"Excuse me, Miss Lopez? I'm afraid there's been a problem with your card. I've ran it three times, but it seems to be declining".
Brittany noticed Santana stiffen slightly, and saw her cheeks redden under the light.
"What? It can't have done. Just...try it again, will you?"
The server did as he was asked, and Brittany watched as her girlfriend became increasingly more flustered.
"It's declined again Miss Lopez. Would you like me to try another card?"
"Yeah, you can take mine..." Brittany began but Santana stopped her.
"No Brit, I said I'm paying." She said firmly, "Hold on a sec, I can use my AMEX"
Another excruciating minute went by of Brittany watching Santana dig around for the American Express she hardly ever used, she could feel how embarrassed Santana was, and she just wanted to tell her to relax. Cards get declined all the time; the server wouldn't be judging her.
"Found it!" Santana said, handing over the card to the server, flashing a nervous smile to Brittany who offered her a reassuring one in return.
"I'm sorry Miss Lopez, it seems like this one has declined as well", said the waiter, a few moments later.
"This is ridiculous. It must be your fucking card machine then!"
"Santana..." Brittany began softly, trying to calm her girlfriend, who she could read like a book. She was embarrassed, and as a result she was acting defensive and taking it out on the server. It didn't help matters that they were in a nice place, and other people were beginning to stare.
"Try it again, because it's obviously your machine!"
"It's okay San, he can just take mine instead. If you keep trying, your card's gonna end up blocked" Brittany intervened.
"Just try it" Santana continued, refusing to look at Brittany, her eyes still focused on the server.
"Baby" Brittany squeezed Santana's hands to finally get her to look at her "Just let me pay. You can pay next time"
Brittany felt Santana's resolve soften, and she handed her own card over to the server.
"We've hit the shops hard today, her bank probably got suspicious and blocked her card" Brittany laughed, trying to ease the tension swilling between them and the server, but more importantly trying to ease Santana's obvious embarrassment with the lie.
"Okay, that's gone through this time" the server smiled politely, as Santana shifted uncomfortably in her seat "thank you ever so much and enjoy the rest of your evening".
No sooner had he left, had Santana rose from the table.
"Let's get out of here" she said.
She was already a few steps ahead of Brittany, who quickly fumbled in her purse for a tip, before following her girlfriend out the door. By the time Brittany had got to the door, Santana was already outside trying to flag a cab, and Brittany knew Santana had her defensive shell up.
"San?" Brittany tried, but Santana carried on trying to flag a cab.
"Why are none of them stopping?" she muttered to herself in an agitated tone.
"Hey" Brittany said softly and placing a hand on Santana's shoulder. She instantly felt her relax into her tough "It's a nice evening out, let's walk back".
She laced her fingers with Santana's and the two of them began walking, a quiet silence forming around them as Brittany waited for Santana's defences to lower. She could feel with each step they took, that her walls were coming down, as she felt her cling to her hand even tighter.
"I wanted to treat you Brit" Santana suddenly said.
"I know baby" Brittany said casually "But it's okay. Like I said, you can pay next time. We're a partnership, it all evens out".
Santana said nothing, her eyes focused on the cracks of the pavement, and Brittany could tell her pride was still bruised.
"You shouldn't be embarrassed San. They see cards get declined all the time, it happens. As long as they get paid, they don't care, and we did pay. Plus, I think he bought the line I fed him about the shopping spree, right? It's New York, I bet cards get blocked all the time with the amount people spend on Fifth Avenue".
"Mm-hm" Santana nodded nonchalantly.
Brittany let another moment of silence pass, before cautiously broaching the subject she wanted to get to.
"He doesn't know that you didn't just go crazy in Tiffany & Co and get your card blocked...but I do" she stopped to look at Santana "Sweetheart, are you doing okay financially?"
Santana's worried brown eyes met blue for a moment, before she chewed her lip and looked away.
"Babe, I'm doing absolutely fine! It's probably the sudden influx of New York transactions. And that AMEX I haven't used in a while, it's probably expired!"
"Santana..." Brittany coaxed gently. Letting her girlfriend know she wasn't quite buying it.
This time Santana sighed, and Brittany felt her resolve crumble. She knew her girlfriend was ready to open up now. Happy that she had chosen the Central Park route, she silently pulled them over to a bench in the quiet park.
"What's going on San?" Brittany asked gently, not letting go of Santana's hand as they sat.
Santana took a minute to gather herself, before letting out all her stresses. She hated being a burden, and she hated admitting she was struggling, but she also knew Brittany would never judge her. She had promised Brittany to work on talking more and being more open, so that was exactly what she was going to do. She had to let go of her stubbornness and her pride, and let her girlfriend in.
"I don't know I guess...ever since Dani left, it's just hard keeping on top of everything. The mortgage is pretty hefty now there's just me. Puck's child support barely even makes a dent. I knew the bills were stacking up a bit but...I've been avoiding checking my account. I didn't know it was this bad".
Brittany instantly felt guilty that she hadn't noticed this. Of course, Santana had a lot more to pay out now.
"Baby, you should have told me, I would have helped you out". She said dejectedly.
"I know you would have, but it's not your mess Brit, it's mine. I shouldn't have gone ahead with a huge mortgage like that. It was a stupid decision looking back. Things will be tight for a couple of months, but it's okay, we'll get through. As soon as the money from my dad comes through..."
"But you were gonna use that to go to college"
"I know but...I don't know Brit. Maybe that was just a pipe dream. College just isn't realistic for me right now. Maybe one day in the future but, for now I just need to make sure Mila has security and that we have money behind us".
"You do have security. You have me. That's what a partnership is about. I'm not watching you struggle like this. I'm putting some money into your account and we'll deal with the mortgage together".
"Absolutely not! You have your own stuff to pay".
"Yes, but I also have savings to fall back on in times of hardship, and this is a time of hardship. So, we're using them".
"My hardship, not yours. I won't be a burden to you, Brit".
"You're not getting it are you? You could never be a burden to me Santana. Never in a million years. You and Mila are my family now, so that means any hardship you're facing, I'm facing with you. We do it together. That's how partnerships work. Sometimes I'll help you, and other times you'll help me. Isn't that what we've been doing all these years before we were even together? There's no burdens. There's no you and me anymore, there's just us".
Santana felt like a huge weight had been lifted, but at the same time felt vulnerable as she rested her head on Brittany's shoulder. Brittany had really made her feel like she wasn't being a burden, but why did she feel it was always her with the problems that Brittany had to take care of? She wanted to take care of Brittany too, and for it to be an equal partnership.
As always, Brittany knew exactly what Santana was thinking, and she spoke out to comfort her as she ran soothing strokes down her arm.
"You're not a burden. This is an equal partnership. You've got me through more things than you could ever imagine, we're just on different footing that's all. We have different salaries, different lifestyles. You have a whole other person to take care of as well as yourself. What kind of a girlfriend would I be if I just watched you two struggle when I have the capacity to help? What's mine is yours now Santana. I love you, okay? I love you both".
"I love you too, Brit. More than you could ever know" Santana sighed, nestling into her girlfriend even more.
The walk back was quiet and peaceful, with Santana feeling a lot lighter now. She felt like the whole "a problem shared, is a problem halved" thing might well be accurate. They exchanged small talk along the way, in a bid to move on from money troubles. Enough had been said on that tonight.
They opened the apartment door, only to find Quinn and Finn making out on the couch like a couple of horny teenagers.
"Jesus fucking Christ!" Santana yelled, covering her eyes.
"Knock much!" Quinn challenged, clearly embarrassed as her cheeks reddened, whilst Finn glanced awkwardly around the room.
"This is my girlfriend's apartment, thank you. Must you go at it on her couch like that, while my daughter sleeps just metres away!?"
"We were hardly going at it San" Quinn snorted "We got caught up in the moment a bit because if you must know...Finn just asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes".
"What!? You two are official now!? Oh my God Q, get over here!" Santana screamed like an excited child, all previous disgust forgotten about, squeezing Quinn so hard that she let out a cough.
"You too Frankenteen!" said Santana, reaching out to hug Finn as Brittany hugged Quinn "Congratulations on being the guy that finally tamed the untameable Quinn Fabray".
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean" Quinn slapped Santana playfully.
"Pft, please, you're like...the biggest commitment-phobe I know. But seriously, I totally ship this pairing".
"Ship!? What are you Santana, 12?" Quinn laughed.
"She watches too much Greys Anatomy, don't you babe?" Brittany said, slinging an arm around Santana's shoulder.
"You know it baby, I have to find some way to pass the time when you're not around" Santana smiled goofily, pulling Brittany in for a kiss.
"Oh okay, we're out of here if you're going to start with all the PDA stuff. I know what you two are like. Never mind us, I dread to think what Mila hears from you two".
"Well, stick around if you want to find out" Santana winked.
"Finn, get the coats!" Quinn joked.
With Quinn and Finn gone, and having both checked on Mila who was still fast asleep, Santana set out to do exactly as she promised. Tomorrow they'd be headed back to Lima, so she planned on staying up late tonight and enjoying every inch of her girlfriend.
Things were just starting to get heated when they heard Mila cry out. They pulled away and exchanged a look.
"Another nightmare" they said in sync.
Santana instinctively got up, but Brittany pushed her back down again.
"I'll go" she whispered, placing a soft kiss on Santana's forehead.
When she got to Mila, she found her half-asleep and restless, and she soothingly placed her hand on her and waited for her to come to.
"It's okay sweetheart. Aunty Brit's here now. You're going to be okay".
"I had a bad dream Aunty Brit" Mila whimpered.
"I know, it's okay. Come on, you can sleep with me and Mama" Brittany said gently, and she picked Mila up and carried her into her room where Santana was waiting.
"She's sleeping here with us tonight" Brittany said, placing her down in the middle of the bed, as Mila instantly curled into her mom.
"Are you okay, my baby?" Santana asked, placing kisses against Mila's head and wiping the wet hair away from her face.
"Yes Mama, was just a bad dream that's all. I feel better now I'm here with you and Aunty Brit".
Brittany climbed into the bed on the other side, and gave Mila a kiss on the cheek, as Mila moulded into them both. She felt safe now.
"Go back to sleep, sweetheart" Santana whispered.
Luckily it didn't take long for Mila's breathing to even out, and for her to fall asleep curled into both Brittany and Santana.
"Sorry baby" Santana sighed to Brittany, once she was sure that Mila was asleep.
"What are you sorry for?" Brittany frowned.
"Well, it's our last night together and..."
"And I wouldn't have it any other way" Brittany cut her off with a kiss.
Of course, Brittany wanted sex and intimacy with her girlfriend, but she also wanted these moments. Normal family moments like this. Even with an 11-year-old accidentally kicking her in the ribs in her sleep, Brittany couldn't love them both anymore if she tried.