Hogwarts a History – In the dark of the night
Chapter 03 – Ninja in the night
…
It ain't easy being green, or so the common wisdom says.
Not sure what that has to do with this, but I felt it needed to be said.
The way of the ninja is fraught with peril, but don't let that dissuade you, it is also fraught with fun. At least, that was Luna's experience.
"Get back here damn you!"
Of course, a big part of that fun was the people.
"Che chee?"
"Yes ChuChu, she does sound very upset, doesn't she."
Su Li, the other ninja girl in Ravenclaw and her eternal rival, by default, was a bit high strung, even for a Ravenclaw who, as a group, tended to be a bit neurotic. Kinda like how Slytherins tended to be overly smarmy, Gryffindors always leapt without looking, and Hufflepuffs had the biggest boobs in Hogwarts, except the boys, they were just bland and forgettable.
No, seriously. I defy you to name me a single boy from Hufflepuff. Can't do it, can you?
"Lovegood! I swear when I catch you, I'm going to wring your neck!"
"Oh goodness."
High strung didn't quite cover those sorts of threats. Wringing of necks was usually reserved for times of the most serious aggravation.
"Give me back my underwear!"
Or that.
"You'll have to catch me first."
"Damn you!"
"Chechee!"
"You're absolutely right ChuChu, there's really no reason for such language."
The girl in the very tight yet very functional dark blue outfit disagreed. She wouldn't be chasing the madwoman in the baby blue replica if she didn't.
But that might lead one to wonder, why had Luna purloined her rival's unmentionables, which is really a silly thing to call one's underthings, especially when we've done far more than just mention them.
"It really is silly, isn't it."
…um, yeah. And you would perhaps like to tell us why you did it.
"That's a rather personal question."
… How is that a personal question?
"How is asking about a girl's underthings not a personal question?"
But they're not… you… guh! Never mind!
"Okay."
… can we just, go back to the story?
"We may."
Alright then, where were we… oh right, running down the hall.
"Get back here Lovegood!"
"She keeps saying that. Do you think I should?"
"Che chee, chee che chee."
"Oh! Well, that's no good. I'm almost certain I'm not flexible enough for that. Maybe a French twist but pretzel, no, no, no. That just wouldn't do."
Rifling through her magical ninja tool bag (a.k.a. her purse) she pulled out a handful of specially color-coded spheres slightly larger than the average marble.
"It is such a dour looking outfit," Luna mused, glancing over her shoulder at the very tight but very somber uniform. "Time to brighten it up."
Making a midair spinning leap, the baby blue ninja girl released her projectiles in a wide spread, filling the hall between pursued and pursuer with an unavoidable hail of nifty ninja balls.
"Oh boll…" was all the darker ninja girl managed before the first ball exploded, setting off the others in a cascading wave of psychedelic madness.
The paint bombs were Luna's own creation. The twins had paint bombs, but not like Luna's. They used common colors, things the mind could easily latch onto and say, that is green, that is mustard, that's the color your face turns when you clench really hard around a truly epic shit that just will not go. You know, normal colors.
Luna did not believe in normal colors. It didn't stop them from existing, but it did prevent her from using them in paint bombs which was just as well. Anyone could go throwing things at the wall, Fred and George proved that on a regular basis.
When Luna paint bombed, she did not simply throw things at the wall, she expressed her creativity upon the world. She turned thought into concrete reality. She confounded her enemies, dazzled her friends, and left everyone dazed and confused. She was, an artist.
And, like most artists, she was not properly appreciated in her time.
The string of invectives spewing from the lingering paint cloud certainly showed a lack of appreciation.
"If she doesn't calm down, she's going to pop something," Luna mused.
A flying dagger shooting out of the cloud suggested something else might get a good popping first, like Luna.
"Time to go."
"Che chee?"
"Well yes, that was the plan. I didn't think she'd start throwing knives though. That's terribly unsafe."
So was not watching where you were going.
"Oof! Doh, dat wabs my nobes," Luna complained, falling on her bottom after a most abrupt and unexpected stop. "Who put that invisible wall right in the middle of the hallway?"
"I did!"
Still rubbing her nose, Luna peered over her shoulder to find Su Li glaring metaphorical daggers at her while holding literal daggers in each hand. At least, she assumed it was Su Li.
"Nowhere left to run," said the fuming girl painted an indescribable rainbow that had somehow mostly faded to pales and white.
"Hm. Probably not meant for cloth. Good to know," the blonde mumbled, scratching out a quick note for later.
"Hey! Don't ignore me!"
"I'm not," said Luna, dropping her pad and pencil back into her purse. "I can make notes while you threaten me. It's called multi-tasking."
"It's called annoying and RUDE!" the east Asian girl argued. "I have you cornered and you're acting like 'you' have the upper hand."
"I do," said Luna.
"Che chee?"
"Not really, but she doesn't know that."
"I do too!"
"No you don't."
"Stop that!" the painted girl screamed. "You can't just say things and expect people to agree with you."
"Why not?"
"Because it doesn't work like that!"
"How do you know? Have you tried?"
It seemed unlikely, but Luna suspected this was not the direction her eternal rival wanted to take the conversation.
"ENOUGH! Give me back my underwear. Do you have any idea what it's like walking around bare bottomed all day in a skirt?"
Did she? "I don't think so."
Growling like an angry cat, Su Li took a single menacing step forward. She would have taken a second, but such a step was preempted by a wave of chittering which was itself preceding a massive wave of squirrels.
The sudden tide of tree dwelling rodent halted any thoughts of further advancement, either menacing or otherwise, and buried the poor girl in a sea of snapping, clawing, ninja squirrels.
"Did we plan this?
"Che chee!"
"Well, that's even better."
"What's even better?"
"Yeek!"
It's not an easy thing, sneaking up on a ninja. It's only slightly easier to go from a perfect stand still to a skyward leap in the time it takes to say 'yeek'.
"Alright up there Luna," Harry asked.
"Just hanging around," she replied, feigning nonchalance as her heart danced a spicy mambo in her chest.
Other parties were less reserved, "Cheche! Che chee cheche chee! Che chee!"
"Goodness! Really ChuChu, there's no need for that. I'm sure he didn't mean to."
"Che cheche che chee!"
"Yes, he does have very sneaky feet, doesn't he."
"Barmy."
"Oh, hello Ronald. Didn't see you there."
The neighbor boy scowled at her, though she didn't know why. He was often like that.
"Is there someone underneath all those squirrels?" Harry asked, his attention having wandered.
"It's a bit of a story," and not one she was sure she wanted to tell, there were no pirates after all. Couldn't tell a good story without pirates.
"Maybe you should come down here and tell us," he politely suggested.
She knew what that meant. It was all please and thank you till someone said no, then out came the stunners. "Very well," she said, and released her grip on the ceiling.
She knew she needn't worry about her landing. Harry was a very good catch… and barring that, a very soft landing.