"Do you have to antagonize him?" asked Remus, burying his face in his hands.
"Me? Antagonize him?" exclaimed Sirius indignantly. "Did you hear the way he spoke to me? To both of us?" he finished, punctuating the statement with a hard kick to his bed frame before he continued pacing like a trapped animal.
"You called him a cunt! Five seconds after he entered the bloody house!"
"That's because he is one!"
Remus threw up his hands in defeat. "If you want to make life miserable for the rest of us Sirius, I apparently am not capable of stopping you, but like it or not we are all technically on the same side. Severus might be acting like a prick but you are acting like a child," he declared. "Get a grip."
Sirius folded his arms, huffing petulantly. He looked very much as if he wanted to keep fighting, but he managed to keep whatever vicious thoughts were swirling in his head locked up, albeit with a clenched jaw. After a moment, he let his arms drop to his side and trudged over to the bed. He sat at the end of it, facing Remus, who was in his usual spot on the ugly beanbag.
"Do you know how strange it feels to be scolded about my bad language from Remus Lupin, of all people?" he snarked. "Surely you see the irony in this."
"I did not scold you!" Sirius narrowed his eyes. "Alright, but if I didn't scold you, Molly was about three seconds off of hexing you. The two of you have enough problems without you calling people cunts in front of her kids."
"Oh please, it was only the twins. They're of age for Merlin's sake!"
"Yes but you know how she is about that kind of thing. If it makes you feel any better, I think she's still a bit pissed at me for calling her other son a fucking poser," he said drolly.
"You called Ron a fucking poser?" asked Sirius, tilting his head in confusion.
"What? No! Why would I- Bill, I called Bill a fucking poser. Why would I say that to fifteen year old? What's wrong with you?"
Sirius threw his hands up defensively. "Fine, sorry. Why did you call Bill a fucking poser?"
"Because he was being one," said Remus, brushing past the details. "Can you please just promise me that next time he shows up to a meeting you'll at least try to be civil?"
"Alright. I'll be perfectly civil next time I see Bill." Remus gave Sirius what he hoped was a completely withering stare. Sirius groaned. "Fine. I will be civil." A sigh. "I'll do my best."
To his credit, he did make a real effort the next two meetings that Snape was present at. Unfortunately, even on his best behavior, he still couldn't resist fighting back when provoked. Remus couldn't even blame him. Snape thrived on unnecessary cruelty. Still, it caused enough strife that even Dumbledore was barely maintaining patience. They were all very grateful for the fact that Snape's work made his attendance at meetings rather infrequent.
Remus had high hopes that a change of pace might help break Sirius out of his decidedly sour mood.
Harry's arrival in Grimmauld Place had come not so long after Remus had made the decision to make it his home base for the foreseeable future. Truthfully, it was actually much simpler for him to stay in London with the work he was doing for the Order. This is what he had told Sirius and the others when he showed up one day with packed bags. They spoke no more of it, but Hermione commented pointedly that Sirius had been in much better spirits of late, which was saying something given how generally surly he still was.
Bill made a similarly pointed comment on a recent visit, though the point he was trying to make had a decidedly different subtext to Hermione's, as evidenced in the waggled eyebrows and cheeky wink. As soon as Remus commented how terribly interesting Molly would find the story of his tattoo, Bill dropped the subject like a burning cauldron. The comments had abated for the time being.
He really just couldn't even allow himself to think too much about it. The last thing he needed was people who didn't have any idea how complicated their history was trying to meddle. It was getting harder for him to deny, even to himself, that the things which had attracted him to Sirius in the first place were still there. He didn't want to act on it. No matter how many charged silences and lingering looks might pass between them. No matter how many rather graphic scenarios featured in his dreams.
It was all still so fragile. The world was descending further into chaos. Each Order meeting brought with it new, yet startlingly familiar horrors. He could barely stand to pick up the Daily Prophet anymore for the unnervingly effective campaign of disinformation that wove its way through the black and white pages. The last thing either of them needed was to sabotage the bit stability and peace they had managed to find with each other.
Harry's arrival truly could not have come soon enough. Between Snape's jabs at his ineffectiveness and Dumbledore's outright dismissal of Sirius' suggestion that he could assist in the mission to collect Harry given a good disguise, he was broody at best. Remus wouldn't describe him as spiraling just yet, but he was becoming rather unpleasant to be around, especially after a couple of glasses of wine. Remus was just counting the days until he ran out of whatever he had pilfered from his parent's old hidden stashes. He wasn't exactly out of control, but Remus was keeping a close eye on that whole situation.
While Harry brought a certain light to the house, his presence came with its own set of troubles. He was angry. Something had changed in Harry and they could all see it. They all wanted so much to help him in the best way they could, even knowing that so much of what he was going through was beyond their control. The tension between Molly and Sirius was beginning to boil over, locked in some kind of competition over who owned the role of Harry's parent. Remus tried to reason with both of them that they each played different, and incredibly important roles in Harry's life, to which both of them denied being competitive in the first place.
He tried not to dwell too much on the fact that he couldn't even enter this petty, childish competition if he wanted to. He and Harry had a good report, of course, but the bond between Harry and Sirius was something else.
The truth is, he rather thought Molly hit a little too close to home with her comment about Sirius' inability to see Harry as separate from James. None of them really knew just how blurred that line between past and present could get for Sirius. Even Remus didn't fully understand it, but he knew that Molly's words had cut deeper than he was letting on. He didn't think she meant to be cruel, but she had a temper of her own and an unshakable belief in her own righteous onions. Her and Sirius were alike in that way.
In amongst the stress of Harry's trumped up charges after his encounter with the Dementors, the continuing efforts to make Grimmauld Place habitable, and Remus' overnight stays at the Department of Mysteries, there was certainly enough happening to keep busy. Not to mention the rather bustling social scene that was springing up in the house.
It had taken a bit of adjustment. Remus hadn't done a lot of socializing in the past few years. Even at Hogwarts he largely limited his interactions to what was polite and professional. After the initial unpleasantness of reuniting with old Order members had passed, he was starting to remember just how much he liked being around people. It often surprised people just how extroverted he could be, given that he was somewhat quiet. He was much more likely to listen than to share stories of his own. Lily used to joke that Sirius could walk away from any party with at least two new enemies and twenty people who would never forget him, while Remus could walk away with twenty new friends, with not a single one of them having learned so much as his name.
He was more than happy to find himself circled around the table in the basement kitchen on a night off, laughing along as he and Sirius recounted some of their old Hogwarts exploits.
"So right as we're stuffing the last of it back in the box, our faces bright purple," explained Sirius theatrically to his enthralled audience, "the door bangs open so loud that James and I drop the entire thing directly onto his foot! He yells and kicks it, sending a huge cloud into the air, filling the entire room and causing both of us to practically hack up a lung. It wasn't until the cloud settled that we all realized the reason the door was open is because McGonagall had just barged into the room!"
"No!" exclaimed Ron, leaning forward, hands pressed flat against the table.
Harry was grinning widely, while Hermione hummed her disapproval.
"What did you do?" asked a wide-eyed Tonks.
"Well, it was at that moment, while she's standing there dead silent, fuming, that we see our supposed lookout skid to a stop on the other side of the door behind Minnie's back. The useless git had deserted his post and showed up just in time to witness our demise," accused Sirius, turning jabbing his finger into Remus' chest.
Remus batted his hand away. "You were taking forever!" he said defensively. "I told you the whole thing was a stupid idea and then you took an entire bloody hour to get it done," he explained to the group, earning a small, scandalized gasp from Hermione at his minor cussing. "Him and James had falsely assured me they would be done in no longer than ten minutes. I had to use the bathroom. How was I supposed to predict that would be the exact time Minerva would show up? I'll tell you, though, it was quite the sight to walk into. Dead quiet, the entire room bright purple, Minerva included. James and Sirius looking like they'd just been stunned," he said, laughing at the memory.
"Oh sure, make yourself sound like the victim then don't tell them what you did next," said Sirius indignantly.
"I did what any reasonable person would have done," replied Remus haughtily.
"Not what I would have done," countered Sirius.
"You, Sirius, are not and have never been a reasonable person."
"What did he do?" asked Tonks and Bill simultaneously as the rest of them stared in anticipation.
"Took one look at the situation and legged it back in the direction he'd come before Minnie could see him, the traitor!" accused Sirius as Remus smirked.
"No use all of us getting in trouble. Besides, my sparkling reputation is what made me such a good lookout. It would have hurt us all if I were to damage it," he explained, taking a sip of his tea.
"You lot sound almost as bad as Fred and George," said Bill affectionately.
"I taught your brothers, Bill. I can assure you, James and Sirius were worse, if only because they were far more annoying," laughed Remus, catching Harry's eyes as he spoke and basking in the joy that radiated from him with every new word about his father.
"Is that so, Professor," said Sirius mockingly. "And you were totally innocent in all this, then?"
"Totally," agreed Remus as if he hadn't noticed the sarcastic tone.
"You never plotted or executed any unsavory capers during your time at school? Never stole, cheated, lied, or pranked?" asked Sirius dryly as all the kids fixed their attention firmly on Remus with varying degrees of shock, or in Harry and Ron's cases, respect.
"Not that you or anyone else could ever prove," he said completely deadpan, to which Sirius shook his head incredulously.
"I 'ave a story 'bout Lupin," piped up Mundungus Fletcher from where he had been dozing off at the far end of the table, causing everyone to whip their heads in his direction simultaneously. "This one time, right after the war-"
"Dung if you finish that sentence, you're going to be leaving this house with a limp," interrupted Remus sternly.
Dung nodded, raising one hand in a placating gesture. "Right you are, mate."
"Hold on," started Tonks, looking between Remus and Dung mischievously, "I want to hear-"
"Harry," started Sirius as if Tonks hadn't even spoken, "have you ever heard about the day you were born?"
Remus was incredibly grateful to Sirius as the deflection managed to completely stop the curious glances that the kids were throwing at him. Harry lit up at the change of topic.
"No, never," he said excitedly.
"It was a truly a chaotic event. Your parents were already in hiding, which meant going to the hospital wasn't an option. Thankfully one of our very close friends, Dorcas," he said, and Remus thought he was probably the only one who noticed the grief that flickered in Sirius' eyes, "she was a healer. Brilliant woman. She must have been the only genuinely calm person in the entire house. Your dad was an absolute mess, which we all expected, but the real shock was Lily. She had been the picture of grace and calm throughout the whole pregnancy, as she was in every part of her life," he explained.
Remus noticed Hermione grab Harry's hand under the table, squeezing tightly. Ron nudged him gently in the arm in his own show of affection as Harry's smile grew just a touch watery, only for a moment. Sirius continued.
"We were all there to support her, of course, but for some reason we really thought she was going to stay calm right to the end. Well, I don't know if any of you have ever been around a woman in labor, but if you have, you will understand how completely, utterly stupid we all were for that absolutely daft assumption."
Remus laughed at that. It's true. He had never heard her yell at more people in the entire time he'd known her than he had in that one night. He distinctly recalled the words 'irredeemable bastard' being used to describe James more than once, both to his face and behind his back.
"Meanwhile,' Sirius said, "James has made the baffling choice to clean the entire household because every time he goes into the bedroom, Lily kicks him out again for being too annoying. So I'm stuck running around after him because instead of using his wand, he's made the incredible choice to scrub every inch of the place by hand! This might not have been so bad if he knew a single thing about how to use cleaning products, so he's basically just smearing dust and grime in new and creative places."
By this point the whole table was chuckling. It felt so nice to be able to talk about them like this. The parts of them that weren't defined by tragedy.
"Right!" Remus exclaimed. "He was a complete disaster. Had to nick a Calming Drought from Dory's med kit just to get him to stand still for more than two seconds. Of course, when the actual moment came, he was right there, holding your mother's hand. She told me later that she was frightened she'd been so mean to him over the twelve hours of labor that she thought he'd be too frightened to step foot in there when she really needed him. I think it would have taken an army to keep him out," he said with a smile.
Sirius nodded. "It was quite the adventure. I've never seen anyone more in love in my whole life than your mum and dad when they held you for the first time."
At that comment, Hermione pulled Harry into a hug. When he came out of it, he wiped under his eyes. He was trying very hard to pretend they weren't still watering, and everyone respectfully pretended they couldn't see. "Thanks for telling me that," he said quietly, still smiling.
"Course," said Sirius. He turned to Remus. "Shame you had to miss it. You probably would have had better luck than any of the rest of us with Lily. She always listened to you," he said cheerily.
"What?" asked Remus, tilting his head.
"You know what I mean. You two always had a weird kind of bond. If anyone could've gotten through to her it would have been you."
"No, Pads, what do you mean 'if I was there'?"
"What? It's a pretty self-explanatory statement," said Sirius with a half laugh, as if Remus were the one being strange.
"I was there. I was absolutely there when Harry was born. Why do you think I wasn't there?" he asked, trying to figure out what kind of joke Sirius was trying to make.
Everyone was looking between the both of them, equally confused.
"No," said Sirius, hackles rising. "You were away on one of your missions."
"I was not! I left about a week later, but I was home for at least a month leading up to the birth," he explained, trying very hard to keep the edge out of his voice as he realized that Sirius really believed what he was saying.
"No," he said again with less certainty. "You were always away back then. Maybe it wasn't a mission, but you disappeared all the time for… other reasons. I'm sure of this. I… I remember."
"I wasn't always- you know, it doesn't matter right now," he said, smiling again, keeping his voice light. "It was a long time ago. I'll bet there's all sorts of things we recall differently now. We can compare notes sometime," he said with an awkward laugh.
It took a minute, but eventually the conversation picked back up, though Sirius was decidedly quieter than he had been. None of them really understood what had just happened, but they apparently sensed it was best to leave it alone. Sirius' memory had been inconsistent at times. But this. Completely erasing Remus from something so big. This was new. They were both a bit shaken up.
He knew there was a larger conversation coming at some point when they were alone. Not tonight, though. Harry was happy and relaxed, a state that was increasingly rare for the traumatized boy. Tonight was for him. They could figure out the rest later.