Chapter 9: Memories

Hatori's POV

Since long ago, whether by Akito or my father before her, I have been called upon numerous occasions to suppress the memories of others.

I knew the suffering it would cause. I knew it would destroy people's lives.

It would ruin families, ruin friendships.

People would beg. They would plead with everything they had.

However, I did what was required.

I didn't have a choice.

However, that saying seemed like an excuse. It painted me to be a victim.

I wasn't a victim.

It was my hands that ruined those lives. Cursed or not, choice or not… It was still me. Nothing could change that.

I remember the day my father gave me my special 'gift'. I had been 14. Just finishing up my last year of middle school.

The gift that had been carried down through our family line for generations.

It had always been given to the eldest son.

My father received it from his father, who received it from his father, and so on.

Once the gift was passed down the previous user wouldn't be able to use it anymore.

Which meant at 14, I became the sole memory eraser of the Sohma family.

I can still hear his stern voice to this day. He had called me into his office one afternoon.

"Hatori, the Sohma curse weighs heavily on our family. It's bizarre and sinister. A dark shadow looms over this family. We can't risk anyone discovering the curse." He said looking out his window.

"Why?" I asked.

He turned to face me. "Because none of you are human. You're monsters. Don't you understand? If people were to find out well… They would be terrified. It would be the end of our family. We would lose everything, and we would all be left with nothing." He said darkly.

To this day I'll never be sure if he actually intended to hurt me or if he was just stating a simple fact.

Either way, his words seemed to slice through me, but I knew better than to show my emotions to him.

"Why do you think we live on the 'inside?' Shut out from the world? Because we need to keep you and the other Juninshi members hidden away. Even within the family, there are those who wouldn't accept you. They would lock you up like some kind of animal." He said curtly. "That's why we live inside these walls."

"Our family protects the family. We use memory suppression to protect the Sohma secret. The secret no one can know. It is imperative you do this, understand?" He said walking towards me and grabbing my shoulders.

I agreed.

Of course I agreed. I was raised to do what I was told. Nothing else.

I still remember the first time I had to use it.

I think I'd have to be dead to forget it. Even after it might still haunt me.

It was a week or so past my 15th birthday. I had suddenly been called to the main house at the center of the estate.

I was nervous. I remember redoing the buttons on my shirt and fixing my hair as I walked.

However how I looked didn't matter. What mattered was I got the job done.

When I walked into the ornate room I was confronted with my father and two other men in suits. I recognized them. They were high up within the family. In charge of running the financials and handling all the affairs since Akito was still young.

"Ah Hatori, you're finally here. Come." My father called. I walked over to him, it wasn't a large room. However it felt like it took me years to cross.

My father looked at me. His dark eyes were cold and stern. "Hatori now what I need from you is to use your gift on a woman named Midori Sohma."

I nodded. "What does she need to forget?" I asked.

"Her husband." The one man said sternly.

My eyes widened in surprise. "Why?"

"Hatori you don't ask questions." My father said, but the other man interceded.

"It's alright Dr. Sohma. The boy should know." The one man said before looking over to me.

I remember the serious look on his face. The way he had wrinkles on his forehead that almost fixed his face into a permanent scowl.

I remember feeling 2 feet tall under his gaze. A child. I felt like a child.

"Her husband, Benjiro Sohma, an insider, married her in secret and brought her into the inside family. This action wasn't approved by the family and now punishment must be given. She is to forget about him and be sent back to the outside family." He said.

My heart skipped. I knew Benjiro. He was a kind man. Apparently his grandfather had been the previous dragon of the zodiac.

In the few times I had seen him, he was always kind. He used to give Shigure, Aya, and I rice cakes when we played outside as kids.

I didn't even know he was married.

Well it didn't matter now. They're not married anymore. The family didn't approve.

"She's in there." The man said pointing to the closed door.

I nodded numbly and walked in.

She was sitting in a chair waiting patiently. No doubt they didn't tell her the real reason she was called to the main estate.

She looked up at me. "Oh you're doctor Sohma's son aren't you? Benjiro talks about you a lot."

Tears stung at my eyes and my hands shook.

I don't want to do this.

I don't want to do this.

You have to. You don't have a choice.

I nodded. Not trusting my voice.

"Well what do you need? I'm afraid they didn't tell me the reason I was here." She said.

I walked up to where she sat and knelt down. "I just… I just need to do something real quick." I said, but I didn't like how my voice sounded in my ears.

She nodded. "Alright."

I don't want to do this.

I tried to squash the voice in my head, but it wouldn't stop. I couldn't even rely on the dragon spirit inside of me to over power it. It seemed now it was silent.

Almost disapproving.

Great. Even the cursed spirit thought this was wrong.

"Just close your eyes. This will only take a second." I said in almost a whisper.

She gave me a look, but did as she was told.

Why was she so trusting of me? Why didn't she understand that none of this was good? That she was in danger.

I was the danger.

I placed my hand over her eyes, placing my thumb and middle finger on each of her temples.

In an instant it was like all of her memories were tangible. Like I could reach out and take one.

My father never actually taught me how to use the gift, but he didn't need to. It was like I had been born to do it. It happened effortlessly. For a few seconds, I didn't feel like myself. It was like I was some other being.

Her husband. She has to forget him.

As almost in response the memories containing him floated by. They looked like lights. Candles in a dark night.

Until the light was snuffed out.

There were now dark spots in her memory. The memories weren't gone, just hidden from view.

However, I knew she would most likely never see these memories again.

Once I was done I moved my hands away.

She fell back into the chair, unconscious.

I stared down at my shaking hands. Was it over? Could I go home now?

I walked out to where my father was waiting with the two men.

"Is it done?" The man asked.

I nodded solemnly.

It was then when Benjiro bursted into the room.

"My wife! Where is my wife!?" He exclaimed.

"Benjiro, we already discussed this. She is not your wife. The family did into approve of the marriage." The man said.

"I don't care! You can't erase her memories!" He said looking over to me. "Hatori! Hatori Please don't erase her memories, I'm begging you!" He said, grabbing my shoulders in desperation. "You're a good kid. I- I've always been kind to you and your friends. I haven't done anything wrong." He said tears rolling down his face.

I could feel my insides twisting in guilt.

"I-I…" I stuttered, not finding words.

My father pushed him off of me. "It's already been done Benjiro. You knew the consequences." He said darkly.

"No… No…" He said before glancing at me.

I could see the way he looked at me. It wasn't like how he used to look at me. No, his gaze was different now.

It burned with hatred and fear.

I don't really remember what happened next.

The next thing I knew I was running. Running through the main estate.

My thoughts were wild as Benjiro's face and words burned into my mind.

I didn't stop.

Where was I going?

Did I even know?

It wasn't until I ran into the wall that I stopped.

I looked up at the towering wall.

It was then I realized the extent of everything. My father's words finally made sense.

I was a monster.

A monster in human skin.

A monster locked away in this cage. Kept away from the outside world.

I cried.

I curled up and cried.

Cried until my throat was raw. I hated myself. I absolutely hated myself.

I don't really remember how long I cried there. I know it was Shigure that found me.

He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. He knew what I was crying about.

He had a nasty habit of knowing everything.

I looked up at him. My vision blurry from the tears. However his face looked sad.

"I'm a monster." I whispered.

Shigure just shrugged. "You don't look like a monster to me." He said, crossing his arms. "But then again, I'm a monster too. So who am I to judge."

I wiped the tears from my face.

Shigure extended his hand. "Come on let's go. Your dad is looking for you." He said.

I accepted his hand and he pulled me to my feet.

I followed him back through the estate. The cold wind burning the tears that still clung to my cheeks.

"You shouldn't beat yourself up over things you can't control. Better to become numb to it all." Shigure said, without looking back. "Emotions make everything more complicated. Believe me."

I nodded, wiping my face once more.

I didn't like to admit it, but Shigure was right.

Over time I understood that more.

Become numb. Well that's just what I did.

Ice formed around my heart.

I stopped caring.

I became numb.

Every time I was ordered to use my gift, the more detached I became.

I don't have a choice.

I don't have a choice.

Those were the words I told myself everytime guilt threatened to creep through the exterior I built up.

Until one day I didn't even feel guilty anymore. I didn't feel anything anymore.

I guess that's why… Why, when Yuki came to me crying that day…

Well I didn't know what to say.

I just stared at him sobbing. "Please, don't erase them. They're the only friends… The only friends I've ever had."

He was crying, but I couldn't bring myself to feel anything.

I knew it would hurt him. I knew he didn't want me too.

However, I did it anyway.

I did what I was told. It was all I could do.

After my father passed away, and I graduated highschool I was expected to take over his role as the family doctor.

However, I needed an education first.

The school I would attend was picked for me. Tokyo Medical was a prestigious school, and it wasn't far from the estate.

Of course I was accepted. I had perfect grades and a very rich family behind me to pull connections.

Of course I never questioned anything, just like my father had wanted. I never thought of being anything else.

I just followed everyone's expectations. I followed orders.

Med school was strange to say the least. I was alone. Growing up I always had Shigure and Aya at school with me. Sure they were insufferable at times but I missed their familiar presence.

I had no idea how to socialize with people. I had been sheltered my entire life. Now I found myself thrown into college. A co-ed college no less.

It was here where I developed my habit of constantly being aware of everyone around me. My first year of school I had been so paranoid of a girl bumping into me, I almost couldn't focus on my work.

Every time I was anywhere around the campus my brain was on high alert. I always made sure to be separated from everyone. I didn't even bother trying to socialize with anyone. I couldn't. I didn't know how.

It was also in med school when I decided my appearance was also part of my curse.

It seemed all the girls always wanted to talk to me. Even though I thoroughly tried to avoid them.

I'd be doing my work in the library and they would come up to me and try to talk. Their faces red and twirling their hair.

Of course I thought some of them were pretty. Of course I wouldn't have minded talking to some of them.

However, my fear of them finding out my curse overpowered that want.

I just shrugged them off. Gave them cold answers and pretty much ignored them.

Some of their hurt faces hurt, however I'd seen worse.

For four years of school I went on like this.

That was until I met Kazu.

It seemed to come back in a haze, but I remember it.

I had needed a book for a paper. The book he also needed as well.

His hand bumped mine and I stepped back inwardly swearing. I must've gotten careless. I didn't even realize he was there.

"Well isn't that cute?" He laughed.

I inwardly sighed in relief that it wasn't a girl.

I talked to him curtly as I did with everyone. He asked me about books. Like he as a first year could know of a book I hadn't read yet.

However, I had to admit I was impressed by how much he had read.

I walked away, surprised that he followed me.

He introduced himself and then for some reason he sat across from me at my table.

It was the first time since I had started school that someone had sat with me. I watched him rest his head on the table, seemingly content to watch me work. His green eyes were big like a child as he watched me scan the book.

When I gave him the book back and left I thought that was the last time I would see him. However, I was wrong.

He began making it a habit to spend time with me.

For reasons I could never understand he actually wanted to spend time with me.

I never admitted it, but I grew to actually want to spend time with him too.

He was an idiot, no doubt there. However, he was my friend. The first real one I ever had outside my family.

I relaxed around him.

I could smile, and laugh on occasion.

"Hey Hatori!" His eager voice called excitedly one warm spring day.

I had been sitting under a tree in the courtyard reading.

I looked up to see him running towards me. "Hello Yanagi-san." I said.

"You'll never guess what my professor told me." He said happily sitting down next to me.

"I'm sure I won't." I said dryly.

"He said that I have promising potential. He also commends me for my vast knowledge on different books." He said proudly.

"That's nice." I said, looking back at my book.

Conversations like this still caused me trouble. I still wasn't sure what to say to him some days.

However for some reason Kazu never minded. He could carry an entire conversation himself.

"You bet it's nice! He's a pretty strict professor I heard. So the fact that he complimented me makes me happy. Hey are you hungry? I got you a sandwich from the cafeteria." He said handing me a sandwich.

I looked at it surprised. "You got this for me?"

"Yeah, well I noticed you never go to the cafeteria." He said like it was obvious.

"I would but… It's too busy." I said accepting the food.

"I figured you'd say that." He said. "So I got one for you. I hope you like it though. They only had spicy ones left."

I shook my head. "No it's good. I like spicy food."

"Well look at that." He said happily before continuing to tell me stories of his different classes.

I ate my sandwich and laughed at his stories.

Spending time with him, well it was a good distraction. For a few moments I could forget about the curse.

For the first time in years I didn't feel like some kind of monster.

I just felt like myself.

However, there were always reminders. Events to pull me back and make me remember my true place in life.

The only purpose I had.

"She tried to kill herself?" I asked, surprised.

"Yes. She's mentally ill. Ever since she gave birth to Momiji I'm afraid… Well I'm afraid she's never been the same."

I looked at Momiji's father. I hadn't ever talked to him before. Never had a reason too. All I knew was that he was a powerful businessman who owned several companies in the Sohma name.

I crossed my arms. "So what do you want me to do?" I asked, not liking where this was going.

"Well I've heard of your work." He said not meeting my gaze.

My work.

Is that what they're calling it now?

"You want me to make her forget about her only son?" I said, the shock clear in my voice.

"Well if she were to forget wouldn't she get better?" He asked almost eagerly.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Well I can't exactly say. I suppose she would, if he really is the reason for all her pain." I said. However, saying the words made me feel ill.

Momiji was like a little brother to me. Sure he was bothersome at times but I made it a point to look out for him.

What would he think of me once I erased him from his mother's memories?

Probably a monster. Just like everyone else.

"Please Hatori. Please help my wife." He begged.

I gave him a look. I couldn't help it. No one ever wanted me to erase someone's memories. It was usually always issued as a punishment. A fear that kept everyone in the Sohma family in check.

Don't mess up or Hatori will ruin your life. That's what they all thought.

But now here he was, sitting in front of me asking me to erase his wife's memories of their only child.

There's no way she wants this. No way.

"I will talk to her. If it's what she really wants, then I will do it." I said coldly.

I was convinced that there was no way she would agree to this. No one would.

However when I met with her the next day, she proved me wrong.

She looked awful. She was pale and thin. Her blond hair hung in her face.

"I want to forget him." She said quietly, not meeting my gaze.

I furrowed my brows. "Are you sure? Are you positive you want to forget your only son?" I asked, almost not believing her.

There's no way she could want this… Right?

"You won't regret it?" I asked.

She finally met my gaze. An almost wild look in her eyes, she was almost smiling. "The biggest regret in my life is that… Is that thing came out of my body."

I knew Momiji was there watching. I could feel his small gaze on us as we talked.

I don't know if she knew. If she did, she obviously didn't care.

I let out a sigh.

Within a few moments, she forgot all about her only son.

I remember she was taken away.

Momiji's father thanked me profusely, however his appreciation made me feel ill.

As I went to leave I heard a small whimper.

My heart ached. "Momiji." I said, my gaze fixating on the small boy in the corner.

I walked over to him and knelt in front of him.

He looked up at me, tears running down his face.

"Is she better? Is Mama better now that she doesn't know me?" He asked, his voice trembling.

The ache in my chest was persistent. "Yes Momiji. I'm sure she will get better."

"That's good. I'm… I'm happy." He said, however he bursted into tears and clung onto me tightly.

I was surprised he hugged me. I could've sworn he would've hated me.

I let out a breath and held him back. "I'm sorry Momiji." I said, not being able to fathom the pain he was going through.

It was all I could do. Apologize.

Apologize for the dark job I had to fulfill.

When I went back to school the next day I felt hollow. I felt like I was the most disgusting person to ever live.

The weight of it all seemed determined to crush me.

"Woah Hatori, are you sick or something? You look awful." Kazu asked, walking up to our table at the library.

I shrugged, not able to look at him. "I'm not sick." I said curtly.

He sat across from me.

"Did something happen?" He asked.

I just shrugged.

"You can talk about it if you want." He said.

"I can't. I can't talk about it." I said like it was obvious.

He stared at me for a few moments before nodding. "Alright. I understand. I'm here if you change your mind though." He said, opening his book.

I looked at him in surprise. Did he really mean that? No one's really ever said something like that to me before.

I took a breath. "You mean that?" I questioned.

He laughed slightly. "That's kind of what friends do."

I nodded. Not able to find the words to answer him.

I guess I never told him till much later, but Kazu was my friend. I definitely considered him one. He helped me learn how to interact with people. He brought me out of my shell.

It was because of him that I was able to feel more comfortable around people.

Once I graduated school however, I didn't see him anymore.

Although, I couldn't really think about it too much. Once I finished school, I had been thrown into work.

There had been so much that needed to be done.

Between seeing the family patients and taking care of Akito, it seemed work required almost all of my time.

I finally understood why my father was so stressed all the time.

It was taking care of Akito that had proven to be especially tiring. She made it a habit to call me frequently, feigning some sort of illness.

Of course I came whenever she called for me, No matter what time of day it was, no matter how busy or tired I was, I always went to her when she called.

I would say it was the curse. The invisible but ever so present ties that joined me to her, pulling me in.

However, it was also the simple fact that I cared about Akito. My heart ached at the idea that she wasn't feeling well. I wanted… No, I needed to do everything I could to help her.

Although that was probably just the curse… I can't tell what feelings were actually real. What ones were actually me and not the spirit.

This is how I went on. How I planned to go on.

Consuming myself in work, doing whatever I was told, it was the same thing everyday.

That was until she came.

I had been against the idea when it was brought to me.

"I don't need an assistant." I said dryly.

"Dr. Sohma it would only be for a short time. My daughter Kana is training to be a doctor. Training under you would help her greatly. Also I'm sure you could use the help." Her father asked.

Kana's father was a doctor as well. He helped fund and found The Sohma hospital. He sat on the board there as well.

I sighed. "Wouldn't you rather have her learn at the hospital?"

"Well I believe the hospital might be a little much for her. So busy and loud. It'd be better for her to learn in a quieter setting." He said, trying to be convincing. "You don't have an assistant do you?" He asked.

Surprisingly my mind wandered to Yanagi.

"Once I set my mind to something I don't give up. I have no idea what kind of doctor I should become. It's not something I've put much thought into. However, I know I want to work with someone like you. I have pretty high standards, but you fit them."

"Not yet." I said, placing my hands in my pockets and dropping his gaze.

"Then it works." He said.

I sighed. "Fine. But only because I need the help."

Like I said, I hated the idea.

At least until I met her.

It seemed hazy now. However, I can still hear her voice.

"Pleased to meet you. I'm Kana Sohma! I hope I can be a good assistant to you."

She was happy. Seemingly an airhead. I knew upon first glance why her father didn't want her working at the hospital. She probably wouldn't have been able to handle it.

Which meant I now had to deal with her.

Whatever, I can have her do mundane tasks and errands I never had time for.

"I know it's sudden, but I have a job for you-"

"Ah! It's snowing! I knew it would snow today!" She said excitedly, looking out the window, completely ignoring the papers I was trying to give her.

"Hey can I ask you a question? When the snow melts, what does it become?" She asked.

I gave her a look. Does she think I'm some kind of imbecile?

"It becomes water of course." I said flatly.

"Wrong! It becomes spring!" She said happily.

Those words play in my mind a lot.

Spring.

Kana was my spring. Nothing would change that. She was the first person I ever fell in love with.

It was the first time I truly felt human. Like every wrong thing I had ever done was forgivable.

She found out I was cursed, and wasn't scared. She didn't recoile away from me.

My father had told me that people would be terrified of me if they found out. That they would lock me up.

Was that true? Or was he wrong?

What if I wasn't a monster?

What if I could live a normal life?

What if I could find happiness?

These were the thoughts that went through my head when I was with Kana.

I was young, and stupid.

Stupid to think I had any purpose in my life other than the one they gave me.

It wasn't until I asked Akito's permission for marrying Kana that I realized how stupid and naive I was.

I still remember it clearly.

One moment I was kneeling in front of Akito.

The vase came out of nowhere. I looked up and saw it coming towards me. I couldn't move in time.

It crashed against me, slicing and tearing through my skin with surprising force.

I cried out in pain, blood spilling onto the floor beneath me.

Everything happened so fast.

Akito was screaming.

Shigure came in suddenly.

I remember the pain being unbearable.

However, the pain I felt from the injury was nothing compared to the look on Kana's face.

When I saw her in front of me… Well her face still haunts me to this day.

All light had left her eyes, her hands reaching for me but not reaching me.

She was in shock. She would snap out of it. It would be okay.

Or at least that's what I thought.

However, she grew ill.

She sat on the ground, silently crying.

It was a sight that broke my heart to see. I didn't want her to be sad. Not over someone like me.

I wanted to help her.

"Kana." I said gently kneeling in front of her. "Kana it's okay. I'm okay." I said.

"No you're not!" She cried. "I was there. I was right there, and you still got hurt so badly! I couldn't help you! It's my fault! It's my fault!" She cried, as a new wave of sobs racked her body.

I wanted… I wanted more than anything, to just take her in my arms and hold her.

Hold her and tell her that none of it was her fault. That it was all Akito's.

I wanted to tell her that everything would be alright, and take her away. Somewhere far away where the dark Sohma family couldn't hurt her anymore.

But I couldn't.

I wasn't normal.

My father had been right all along. I wasn't human. I was a monster.

I was so foolish to think I could ever change what was simple fact.

My life had no meaning. It had no purpose. I had no reason for existing.

All I ever did was hurt people.

It was all I could do.

I couldn't love Kana. I couldn't be with her like I wanted. I couldn't help her.

Dark.

Sinister.

Cursed.

That's what I was. All I ever would be.

When Akito told me that Kana wanted to forget… That I should erase her memories… Well I couldn't even argue against it.

I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that Kana would want to forget me.

But if Akito said it, it must be true.

There was a small part of me that wanted Kana to deny it. To beg me not to take the memories we shared.

However, she didn't.

All she did was apologize. Apologize for not protecting me.

"It would've been better if we never met."

Her words sent an ache through my chest, and I knew what had to be done.

This is it. This was my punishment.

My punishment for taking away so many memories. For ruining so many lives.

With the hands I used to hurt countless others, I had to use those same hands to take away the memories from someone who was dearest to me.

Once Kana left… I couldn't help it. I cried. Tears fell down my face in a steady stream.

It was then when I decided.

If my role was to be the cold and frozen snow… The cursed doctor of the Sohma family so be it.

I didn't deserve happiness.

I deserved this injury.

It was a simple fact.

I would stay frozen and numb to everything. I would play the role they wanted.

Time marched on slowly.

I threw myself into work, rarely doing anything else.

I developed a nasty habit of being complacent. I ignored so much. Turned a blind eye to all of the abuse Akito threw at the other junishi members. I did my role as the family doctor and helped cover it up.

I knew I wasn't cut out or didn't deserve any kind of happiness.

Not after all I had done.

Not after all the people I hurt.

People tried to tell me different.

"No matter how cold it is now, spring will always come again. It never fails."

Tohru's words were too kind for me. I didn't deserve kind words like that.

I didn't deserve anything.

Not pity.

Not well wishes.

Not the small bit of hope Tohru gave me that day.

I didn't deserve any of it.

It was like I had said. I had no purpose. No reason for existing.

At least I didn't.

Until I met her.

Erin.

My Erin.

Like sunshine after a terrible storm, she lit up my life.

She changed everything I thought I knew.

I tried to deny it. I tried to hide my feelings, ignore the happiness she brought me. However, I couldn't.

The words I told her would always be true. She was my summer. The warmth she gave off so quickly melted any exterior I had built up over the years.

I can't say when exactly I fell in love with her.

Was it the day I saw her running around the beach?

Was it when I saved her from nearly drowning?

No… It was neither. It was when I took her on that boat ride. I could still see it. The setting sun sending its golden light to trace her outline. Her sitting on the bow of the boat.

The way she walked up to me. "What if… What if I don't want someone else. What if I want you?" She asked.

Want me?

I almost didn't believe her.

Who would want me? Why would anyone want me?

I couldn't fathom why someone as good as her would want to be with me.

Erin is beautiful, kind, and good.

I knew it was pointless to try and fight it.

I couldn't deny the simple truth.

I was completely and utterly taken by her.

I love her.

I was determined to keep her safe. Determined to protect her from the Sohma family that had caused me so much pain. Determined to keep her safe from anything or anyone that could hurt her.

I can't lose her.

I just can't

I almost lost her once. I can't let that happen again.

I promised. I promised when I came back that I would do everything I could to keep her safe, keep her happy, and always be there for her.

Is that why I still to this day keep things from her? Because I'm absolutely terrified that if she learns the truth about me she'll stop seeing me as good?

That she'll stop seeing me as a safe person and see me for the monster I truly am? Cursed or not?

I can help Erin. She trusts me.

When she's scared, when she's afraid everything is falling apart, I can stand next to her and tell her it's all going to be okay, and she'll believe me.

I can hold her and make her better.

I can wipe away her tears and kiss her forehead, and she'll look up at me with those beautiful brown eyes she has and she'll smile. Smile like I'm the most amazing person she's ever met.

God I can't lose that.

I can't lose that.

The only good I ever really do in my life is help her.

My purpose.

My reason is her.

Loving her, helping her, keeping her safe… It's what I do. It's what I want to do, more than anything.

I want her to be happy.

I want her to smile. Smile that smile that used to happen so rarely. That smile that lights up an entire room. That smile that when I see it, I can't help but smile too.

Maybe the truth is…

Maybe the truth is, I'm scared.

Maybe I've always been scared.

My whole life has just been one fear after another.

But losing Erin…

Losing the ability to help her…

That is my greatest fear.

What if she became like Kana?

Broken.

Unreachable with words… I don't know what I would do.

If I lose her… I lose everything.

"Hatori?" I hear her call.

I'm here.

I'll always be here.

"Hatori?" She called again.

Where is she? Why can't I find her?

"Erin?" I called. However it seemed too quiet to be effective. I just wanted to find her. I needed her.

"I'm here." She said.

It was then when I finally opened my eyes.

An extremely difficult task, but I wanted to find her.

The light made me wince. Everything came in as a blurry mess of darkness and light.

"Hatori?" Erin asked.

Her voice was close.

Finally I blinked and my vision cleared enough to see big brown eyes over me.

I blinked once more and the rest of her face came into focus.

I smiled slightly. There she was.

"Erin." I said, however my voice sounded off.

"Hatori, are you okay? You're burning up." She said her voice thick with worry.

However I wasn't focused on what she was saying. I was just happy she was here.

I lifted my arm, ignoring the pain it caused, to run a piece of her hair through my fingers. "You're here." I said weakly, feeling a chill run up my spine.

"Of course I'm here. You called Jirou and asked him to pick me up from school, remember? He told me you said you weren't feeling well. However when you said that I didn't think you'd be this bad." She said quickly.

She turned and started saying something quickly in English. However I couldn't focus enough to understand it.

My eyelids grew heavy once more. However I didn't want to sleep yet.

"Erin." I called again.

She looked back at me.

I smiled slightly. "You're so beautiful. Like an angel."

Her face warmed. "Hatori how sick are you?" She asked, resting her hand on my forehead.

I made a humming noise before closing my eyes, giving into sleep once more.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Happy Saturday!! Sorry it's late again haha. I had lots of fun writing this chapter. It was a challenge but I really liked writing in Hatori's perspective. I figured since I wrote one in Kazu's perspective I might as well do one in Hatori's.

Poor baby is so sick right now haha. We love a fevered dream.

Anyway I hope you all enjoyed! I'll see you next Saturday for Chapter 10: Erased

Love you guys!