"Frank was telling me the other day about this book he was reading on wood carving. I brought it up to the team and Thor was so offended, but he calmed down when I assured him that it wouldn't involve his trees," Steve chuckled, shaking his head at the memory. "I kind of scrapped the whole idea anyway after Clint mentioned trying to juggle chainsaws."

"Maybe it's something you could try without the team? Maybe even with Frank?" Dr. Charles suggested. Steve hadn't taken his friendship with Frank past casual meetups at the bookstore cafe. He kept it light, kind of like he had with the gym owner and different service workers he'd talked to way back when. It felt awkward growing a friendship with someone he couldn't be fully honest with. And he kind of preferred involving the team in all of his activities. There was nothing better than sharing something he was excited about and having them get excited about it as well.

"I'll think about it," Steve replied. He didn't give an outright no to most things these days, trying to stay more flexible than he normally would. You never knew if you'd like something unless you tried.

"So, there's an important date coming up soon. I know it's still a few weeks out, but it wouldn't hurt to start broaching the topic, instead of waiting until it's right upon us," Dr. Charles said carefully, looking over at him with compassion.

"The day I woke up," Steve said, feeling his hands start to sweat just saying the words out loud. He knew the day was coming, but he'd avoided thinking about it. Would it be a big deal to him? Would it feel like just another day? There was so much unknown there and he hated unknown.

"Have you talked to any of your friends about it?"

"No, I haven't. I'm not even sure if all of them know. Clint and Natasha probably do, since they are Shield. And Tony probably would as well. Bruce and Thor, I don't know."

"Do you want them to know? To acknowledge it?"

"I don't know. I can't tell if it's something to celebrate or a day to mourn, if I'm being honest. It's the day that I officially joined their world, but would they take offense if I don't see it as something to commemorate? It might be the day I started my new life, but it's also the day I officially lost my old one," Steve said, not realizing how he really felt until he said it out loud. He was pretty sure the team would understand where he was coming from, but he didn't want to hurt them either.

"You can't worry about what other people think. This is your day to feel however you need. Sometimes you have to focus on yourself first."

"I know, but they've helped me so much. I'd hate for them to think I regret this time with them."

"You have to stop thinking about this as two separate lives you've lived. It's all part of your story, just spread out over an unusual amount of time. I think the more you come to accept that you don't have to keep everything so disconnected, the better off you'll be in the long run. There is only one Steve Rogers."

"It's just so hard sometimes," Steve mumbled, staring down at his hands. He always had this urge to try to fill the holes left by the people he lost with the people he had now. But it wasn't fair to anyone. No one could take Bucky's place, but that didn't mean Tony wasn't just as important in his own way. If Steve somehow went back in time, there would now be a Tony shaped space that would never be filled. Life was linear and once you left something behind, you had to move on. But it was easier said than done. The pull to cling and hope for impossible things was so strong.

"Some of the most fulfilling things in life take hard work," Dr. Charles pointed out. "I think you've seen that's true a lot recently."

"I have," Steve agreed. The scales had really been tipping in his favor lately.

The ringing of his phone cut through the calm of the session. Tony had set this phone to ignore all calls when he was in with Dr. Charles, except for one of the team. But they knew better than to disturb him during therapy. Unless…

"Tony?"

"I'm so fucking sorry, Steve. I never wanted to make this call," Tony muttered, in an obvious rush.

"What happened? Is everyone okay?" Steve asked, barely holding himself back from shouting.

"Everyone is fine, it's just-" Tony paused, sucking in a sharp breath. "We got called in."

"Called in? Like, a mission from Shield?" Steve could feel his pulse start to race in anticipation and dread.

"Yes," Tony whispered, and weren't there a ton of thoughts and emotions wrapped up in that one word. Steve could feel Tony's reluctance through the phone.

"Is it bad?" Did they really need them?

"Steve, you can sit this one out. If you need more time, no one will begrudge you," Tony said firmly. "But I'm going to need an answer from you in the next thirty seconds." Steve looked helplessly to Dr. Charles, wishing she would have the correct choice waiting for him with a smile. Her face was giving nothing away though.

What was the right answer here? Was he ready? If this went poorly, would he backslide to how he was in the beginning? Steve kind of wished Tony hadn't called at all, but that would hurt worse than anything. Was his mental health worth more than the safety of his friends? Would he be able to look them in the eye if he stayed behind? Would there ever be a moment of clarity that showed him he was ready to go out and fight again? Steve couldn't sit back and just let life happen. He had to make a choice.

"I'm in."

"Meet me on the roof."

Steve tapped end on his phone, making brief eye contact with Dr. Charles before darting out of the room. She was hot on his heels, trailing him to the elevators. With the floor they were on, it would be faster than the stairs, but it still felt painfully slow.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Dr. Charles asked, stepping into the car and riding up with him.

"Do you think I'm ready?" Steve asked, instead of answering her question.

"That's not for me to decide."

The doors opened and Steve turned to look at Dr. Charles one last time before he left. These weeks had been preparing him for this and there was no turning back now. They were about to find out how far he'd come.

"Time to do some hard work."