Prompt: Phoenix can't die. It's illegal.
It certainly wasn't the most dignified way to go, he could admit that. He'd always kind of hoped to die peacefully in bed, ideally after espousing some wise words and some kind of secret inheritance hidden in a riddle to Trucy and all his friends. He'd actually put a little thought into what kind of puzzles could be solved only by the combination of everyone's various skills and knowledge - obviously, Steel Samurai lore would be needed, and some kind of magic trick, and maybe a high-pitched or very faint tone that no one but Athena could figure out... Something like that, anyway. He just associated death with convoluted mysteries at this point, and didn't want to be the one to ruin that tradition. The only real issue was that he had no treasure to speak of for the end of the hunt.
Not that any of that would matter, now. Those ideas hadn't exactly progressed beyond idle daydreams, and his clock was probably ticking down to mere seconds, at this point. His legacy wasn't going to be that of the wise yet kooky old man, or even the heroic lawyer brought down far too early. Nope, Phoenix had to gasp out his last few knowing that he was dying as the idiot who tried to pee over the edge of the Eagle River cliff, and got blown off by a gust of wind to fall to his death. He hadn't even managed to land in the water. At least that he knew from personal experience could be survived. The rocks, less so.
He had just about enough time to hope that someone would tuck his dick back in his pants before his daughter made it down the cliff and had to see it. And to think, in a vaguely indignant way, that his head hurt.
Then the world was gone.
-xxx-
He awoke to familiar sounds: a gavel slamming down, ambient noise of the crowd rustling in their seats, Edgeworth using his smarmy I'm-about-to-win-the-case voice. The words were somewhat lost on him, but nostalgia took precedence over any real desire to try for coherence. Everything hurt, more and more the longer he tried to think, so he was perfectly happy to drift away again to the sound of justice being done. As far as pre-death hallucinations went, it wasn't bad, although the lights were annoyingly bright through his eyelids.
Then again, maybe that was the tunnel he'd heard so much about it. Actually, wasn't that Mia, down at the end? Yeah, he realized, somehow moving closer without moving any physical part of his body at all, yeah it was. The pain and noise faded more and more the closer he got to her, until finally he could see her smile clearly.
"It's been a while, Chief," he said, moving in for a hug.
"Not long enough," Mia scolded, hugging him back briefly, before abruptly shoving him away. "So get out of here and don't come back!"
"Hey, what the hell-" Phoenix barely had time to begin before he fell straight down through whatever bright nothingness had previously been a solid floor, landing violently back into the courtroom sounds. Except this time, he wasn't in any pain, and he was upright behind the witness stand. Edgeworth was glaring from the prosecutor's bench, and Athena and Apollo were together behind the defense bench. And he was pretty sure he was wearing a dress?
"...Oh, I'm being channeled, aren't I," he realized. It was a pretty abrupt transition, and he wasn't exactly sure what court case Edgeworth or his employees could possibly need him as a witness on. He'd been between cases when he died, and he was fairly certain his own demise had been just colossal stupidity rather than murder, but... "I'll do my best to answer any questions you have for me."
"Unnecessary," Edgeworth told him sourly. "You appearing here at all, Wright, is proof enough of your guilt."
"You're not even going to a- wait, my guilt?" Phoenix stared. "Why am I the one on trial?!"
"Well, I don't know who else it could possibly be," the Judge said reasonably. "Unless you know of any other Phoenix Wrights who died recently."
"...No, that'd be me." He looked to the kids. "Guys? An explanation, please?"
Athena looked teary-eyed, Widget bright blue against her chest. Her lip wobbled when she tried to answer him, and even Apollo seemed shocked into speechlessness, his hand clenching tightly around his bracelet. It took Phoenix a second to remember neither of them had much experience with the whole channeling business, and this might be a bit of a shock to them. He himself had only managed to pull his act together in the face of it initially because he had a job to do, and Maya's life was on the line. In this situation, matters were... admittedly less clear-cut.
Trucy came to the rescue, calling down from her front-row seat in the gallery: "Uncle Miles is suing you for dying, Daddy!" Pearl nodded along from where she sat next to her.
Oh, okay.
Wait.
"What the hell?! Edgeworth, don't be a dick!" He swung around indignantly to his old friend, then as her chirpy tone processed, back to his daughter. He pointed accusingly at her. "And why are you so happy about it!"
"Well, he isn't wrong Daddy, you did die," she said reasonably. "Otherwise you wouldn't be a ghost right now."
"I - sure, but that. That doesn't mean you can sue me for it," he said helplessly. "It's not like it was even my fault."
At the defense bench, Apollo winced and clutched his wrist tighter. Athena's hand came up to clutch Widget, and she got a familiar look in her eyes.
"Hold it!" Phoenix snapped, raising a hand to halt them before they got started. "I - I heard it as soon as I said it, okay, no need to dig into the details. Really." He had no idea how much they'd been told about the outcome of that Fey-Wright outing to the Inner Temple, but no need to sacrifice any dignity he might still hold. "I just meant... dying isn't exactly a crime."
"Objection!" Edgeworth shouted, slamming his hand down onto the bench. He picked up a paper and read from it, using his most condescending voice. "As local law PHNX00 clearly states, Phoenix Wright is not permitted to die; whether it be from his own hand, malignant or accidental action by another, or negligence, until such time as he passes of natural causes resulting from old age."
"You're lying," Phoenix said. "That's not a law. When did that get passed? Who made that? You're lying. Let me see."
He left the witness stand to go snatch the paper, shoving roughly past the bailiff. Sure enough, it said just what Edgeworth had claimed, albeit with some fancier legal terminology, WHEREASes and THEREFOREs and separate paragraphs defining each type of illegal death.
"You do fit pretty well into the um, negligent death category, what with the, um," Apollo hesitated, then politely said only, "...fall."
Well, there goes the hope that they didn't hear why I fell. Fantastic.
Scanning the top of the page, Phoenix's eyes caught on the date it was passed. A sort of warm, gooey feeling began to build in his chest. "March 2019? Wait, wasn't that right after..."
"The first time you foolishly flung yourself into Eagle River, yes." Edgeworth snatched the page back. "Knowing you, I thought it prudent to take action in anticipation of similar foolish stunts." He smirked, shrugging with his hands out. "...You actually lasted much longer than I expected before breaking it. Congratulations."
"...Thanks," Phoenix said sourly, gooey feeling all but gone. Trust Edgeworth to make a weirdly sweet gesture that showed how much he cared, keep completely mum about it for over a decade, and then finally bring it up in such a way as to mock and humiliate Phoenix publicly. Just typical of him.
The bailiff took his elbow very lightly. Phoenix jerked away reflexively, then forced himself to relax when the man flinched a couple inches into the air. He allowed himself to be herded back to the witness stand without making the man touch him again. He even resisted the urge to say boo.
"Just s-stay there this t-time, miss F- uh, I mean, mister Ghost. Mister Wright, ghost, sir," the poor man bumbled. Phoenix thought wistfully of those Virtually Indistinguishable Bailiff Men who'd never been phased by any of the ghosts Maya brought into the courtroom, back in the day. They hadn't always been the best at their jobs, but at least they had that going for them. He'd always meant to ask if they were twins or something, but kept forgetting until they finally retired. He hoped they settled down happily somewhere.
...See, this was the kind of nostalgic musing that dead people should be doing, not getting put on trial for letting themselves die in the first place!
"Okay, fine," he said to the courtroom at large, "so I'm dead. So what? What exactly are you gonna do about it?"
Apollo shrugged, still looking a little lost and bewildered. Athena seemed slightly hopeful, which was a little rude. Not nearly as rude as Trucy's cheerful smile or Edgeworth's smirk though, so he forgave her. Pearl just stared at him with big eager eyes, like she was waiting for him to pull a living version of himself out a hat or something.
"Well, I think I have to pronounce you GUI-"
"OBJECTION!" Phoenix roared, slamming his hands down. Everyone turned to stare at him, Judge included.
"...Do you have any evidence to prove your innocence?" the Judge asked skeptically, setting down his gavel. "I don't really think there's anything to contradict Mr. Edgeworth's photos of your corpse, or Trucy Wright's star witness account, or your ghostliness, but I suppose I'm willing to listen!"
"Oh. Um, no." Phoenix scrubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Sorry, it's just, uh, kind of a reflex? I'm definitely dead."
"You sure are, Daddy!" Trucy shouted encouragingly. Pearl said, "Yeah!" in a quietly supportive sort of way.
At least they aren't crying over me? Although, honestly, I'd like at least a bucket or two of tears...
"I'll miss you, sweetheart," he told Trucy, choosing to forgive in his final moments. "You too Pearls. I'm so proud of you both - and you two as well, Athena, Apollo. I know you'll be fantastic. Someone tell Maya the same, okay? And Miles, I -"
"Save your speeches," Edgeworth scoffed, at roughly the same time Trucy called back, "Oh, I won't miss you very long, Daddy!"
"Okay, WOW." Phoenix had to call them out at this point. "What the fuck, you two. Some of my nearest and dearest, and this is how you-"
"Well, it seems there's no objections, so I may as well pronounce you GUILTY!" The Judge's gavel slammed down with a resounding, final thud. "Phoenix Wright, you are hereby pronounced guilty of unlawful death! You will cease being a ghost and submit to the life penalty immediately!"
"The what?" Phoenix asked.
"Oh, didn't you read the entire document?" Edgeworth said in that way of his that meant he absolutely knew Phoenix hadn't. "The punishment for all unlawful death is the life penalty."
"Are we really sure this is going to work?" Apollo burst forth, glancing worriedly at Phoenix before turning to Trucy. "I know about looking at final memories, and channeling obviously works, but this is a step past any of that! Trucy, don't you want to say something else, just in case-"
"No way!" she shouted. Rising from her seat to lean over the railing, she looked straight at Phoenix as she answered: "I know Daddy is gonna follow the law! Uncle Miles made it specially for him!"
Forget warm and gooey, that melted him directly into a puddle. Phoenix felt determination rising up within him. How could he possibly let his daughter down now, when she believed in him so much?
He glanced over to Edgeworth. His old friend smiled softly at him, no doubt in his eyes either. Phoenix nodded back, grinning wide. He fought to hold back the tears that wanted to slide down his cheeks.
After all, the only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over. And clearly...
"Of course I will, Truce. I won't make you miss me for long!" With one last deep breath, Phoenix released his hold on Maya's form, allowing himself to relax back into the light. Only for a moment, though. He'd been sentenced and he intended to obey.
...it's not over yet!
-xxx-
He awakened to familiar sounds: the steady beep of a heart monitor, the hum of the AC, nurses and doctors and patients going about their business in the distance, the crackle of a police radio a bit closer.
Phoenix opened his eyes. It was a little bright, but after blinking a few times he was able to meet the gaze of Police Chief Gumshoe. The giant man broke into a broad smile.
"I knew you'd make it, pal." He picked up his radio and held it out to Phoenix, pressing down on the button to broadcast his words. "Wanna let them know?"
Phoenix cleared his throat, feeling a bit raspy, then dutifully told the speaker, "Phoenix Wright here, ready to serve my life sentence. Over."
The radio crackled.
Then, over a mess of wild cheers and applause emerging from the static, he heard Edgeworth respond in a warmer voice than he'd ever heard from him: "See that you do, Wright. Over."
Not until I'm an old granddad making up stupid puzzles in my will, it's not.
I stole Phoenix's death from a Darwin Awards book; the puzzles reference is inspired by the book The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin. The name of the law isn't exactly conventional probably, but I wanted his name and the double zero (00) is meant to represent an infinity symbol (∞). I figured legal accuracy wasn't too high a priority for this one anyhow. ;)