A/N: I'll be posting a few filler chapters today, but I promise we're getting close to the good stuff!
~And if you are to love as the moon loves, it does not steal the night—it only unveils the beauty of the dark~
Edward and I are lounging in my room, watching some TV, and snuggling under layers of blankets. Today is a lazy day, especially since Edward and I are recovering from our hangover from the night before at the beach. We got pretty wasted and stoned as the night went on and didn't get home until like 5 am. I also think I'm coming down with a cold; running into the ocean when it's chilly and windy isn't the best idea.
It was worth it, though. I've never seen Edward so carefree and youthful as he was last night; he was having such a good time. His experiences in life have forced him to grow up faster than most people. Edward acts years beyond his age, but deep down, he still has that juvenile and lighthearted side to him when his shield is lowered.
Last night went better than I expected. Being surrounded by my favorite people in the world was one of the greatest feelings, especially when you don't have to choose between them. I hope we can have many more repeated nights like that.
The pounding in my head has lightened slightly—thanks to all the advil's I shoved down my throat.
Edward seems to be doing much better than I am. If I look anything like the way I feel, I probably look like death, but he somehow always manages to look like a fucking God—no matter what.
Edward's sitting with his back against the headboard of my bed, and I'm curled into his side with his arm around my shoulder.
I don't have the mental strength for heavy talk, but I can't fight the curiosity that's begging me to ask what Edward and Jake spoke about last night. I'm glad that everything is fine between them now, but I want to know what Jake said.
"So... what did Jake say to you last night? It seemed like he didn't piss you off," I ask in a nonchalant, casual tone.
I glance up at him to watch his reaction. Edward stays calm, relaxed, doesn't flinch a muscle. "Jake just wanted me to know that there weren't any hard feelings and that he'll respect us. He said he's not into you anymore and just teases you and that I don't have anything to worry about." He scratches the scruff along his jawline, his eyes still glued to the TV. "He just wants you to be happy and wants all of us to chill. Jake also mentioned that he knows how much I mean to you and that you'll choose me over him, so he doesn't wanna lose you as a friend," he said, tilting his head down to look at me with a crooked grin.
I figured that's what they spoke about, but it eased my nerves to confirm that Jake supported my relationship with Edward, considering how much he seemed against it in the beginning.
We've had many people believe that we weren't going to make it and were against our relationship from the start, so I'm relieved that there are people out there that have faith in us and don't want to see us fail, especially the most important ones in my life. I don't care about anyone else.
Things are looking up way better than I expected. I knew we were made for each other and that we would make it. Nothing can break us.
I just respond with a smile and focus my attention back to the television. We don't need to talk about Jake anymore. Everything is cleared up, and we trust each other—that's it.
A comfortable silence fills the room as we watch some cheesy sitcom. I'm barely paying attention, fighting off exhaustion. We slept in, but the hangover was such a pain in the ass, and I can't control my eyelids from closing shut.
The comfort and warmth from Edward's body and his fingers caressing through the strands of my hair and against my scalp soothes me further into a drowsy state.
A blaring loud ringtone slightly startles me out of my half-conscious state, but I'm too lazy to move or open my eyes. I feel Edward shift off the bed, and I hear the door of my bathroom connected to my room slam shut.
My conscious thoughts wake me and bring my attention to full awareness when I wonder why he's going to hide in the bathroom for a phone call. I try my best not to overreact or jump to conclusions, but it seems suspicious. Is it something he doesn't want me to hear?
As I consider if I should move closer to hear him better, his tone increases in volume as frustration and anger seethes from his voice.
"It was a fucking accident. I had no idea what I was doing. I don't even remember it. It's different with Bella; I would never do anything to hurt her." I can hear his footsteps pacing back and forth against the tiles.
"Why am I not allowed to be happy? I have to be cursed for the rest of my life for a stupid mistake? She finally makes me feel like I deserve to be alive," his voice cracks on the last word.
Those words crush me. Who is he talking to that's making him feel so worthless? No wonder he hates himself so much.
After a beat of silence, from the voice on the other end of the call that I can't hear, Edward responds. "Are you ever going to let it go and not look at me like I'm a fucking monster, Dad? Don't I deserve a second chance?" He practically pleads, his voice thick with emotion.
Of course, it's his Dad. Sure, Carlisle may not seem like he has the worst intentions, but is he the reason that Edward is struggling to heal from his past? Why can't Carlisle just let it go? I don't know exactly what happened, but I can tell that Edward is doing so much better than when he first came here. Isn't that enough? Most people never change out of their toxic habits.
I'm desperate to rip open the door and run in there to comfort him, but I'm sure he wouldn't be happy with me eavesdropping, and I don't want to upset him even more. He obviously hasn't brought it up to me because he's not ready yet. I promised I wasn't going to push. I have to trust him.
At this point, I don't even care if he's still hiding something. Something traumatized him, and I don't want him to relive that pain that clearly destroyed him. I don't care about his past. I see how much he's improving, and that's all I care about. He can tell me when he's ready, and I know he will be one day.
I'm not scared because from the little I've heard, whatever happened wasn't his fault and not intentional. Really, what's the worst thing he could've done? If it were anything incredibly horrible, he'd be in jail. I know Edward better than anyone, and he is not capable of hurting someone. He's damaged and suffering but loves so strongly. He has worked on his flaws and has done everything to make me happy, more than anyone I know.
He's the most selfless, devoted, loving person I've ever met. I trust him with my life.
He stays in the bathroom a while longer in silence once the phone call has ended. I try to stay awake, waiting for him to come back out, but I can't control the sleep that consumes me. Edward invades my dreams. He's all I dream about, but good ones this time.
I feel soft lips brush my face. I'm sure it's just a dream, but it feels so real. I also feel wetness against my cheeks. Are those tears? Are they mine? Why would I be crying? Muffled words follow; it sounds like I'm underwater. "I'm so sorry, baby. I hope you can forgive me when you find out what I've done. I love you so fucking much, and it will ruin me if I lose you." The words don't register entirely in my unconscious mind, but I tend to have weird dreams about Edward, so I try not to pay too much attention to them. It's just a dream anyway, right?
A/N: Sorry, I know I'm a tease, but it's coming soon, I promise! By early next week!