"I'm sorry?" Dumbledore asked, sitting forwards in his chair.
"Well... well, I was just... I was just thinking... if Fawkes would be willing, I could take a tear from him, just one... just one... and it would save me, wouldn't it?" Bess asked, second guessing herself completely now that his initial reaction hadn't been to agree with her.
"I'm sure that you can think of the ethical conundrums that would throw up without my input," he answered simply.
Bess paused for a moment, compiling all of the mental capacity she had left to try and come up with an argument. "But just one. Like you said, you need me in this war, and if I-"
"If you could use a vial of phoenix tears, you wouldn't have seen yourself running from Greyback," Dumbledore replied, sitting back in his chair once more, clasping his hands together in front of him.
"If I could use a portkey, I wouldn't have seen it either," she reasoned. Though she didn't know if she was winning an argument with him, or convincing herself even more of her own downfall.
"Portkeys can only be used outside of certain wards."
"And I ran through wards in my vision..."
"Yes. I believe neither would allow you to use magical transportation."
Bess frowned. "Then why do you want to see Sirius? Why did you act like a portkey could work when you don't think it will?"
Dumbledore was silent.
"You don't believe that it'll work?"
"No, no I do not. However, Mr Black has said before, 'it's worth a shot,'" he replied.
"For my peace of mind, then... can I have just one tear?" she asked again.
Dumbledore gestured towards the phoenix on Bess' lap. "I do not speak for Fawkes. If he would be willing to shed a tear for you, you may walk out of this office with it. But I would warn you, Bess, that if you do, and it falls into the wrong hands, Fawkes will no longer come to your aid."
"You're going to hold him hostage?" she asked incredulously, looking between the older wizard and the bird.
"No, as I said, I do not speak for Fawkes. However, phoenixes are incredibly loyal creatures. Do not break his trust by losing his gift."
"I thought you said you'd let him decide. What if he chooses not to share a tear with me?" she asked slowly.
"The decision has already been made," Dumbledore replied, gesturing towards Bess' arm.
Fawkes had rested his head gently onto her forearm, and she watched as a large pearlescent tear rolled gently from the phoenix's eye. Before it could touch her skin, Dumbledore produced a small glass vial and collected the liquid. He corked the bottle and stared down at the bird.
"Phoenixes are incredibly loyal birds. They recognise this devotion in others," Dumbledore said, smiling down at his bird. "Fawkes has watched you for months in this office, and yet it is only now that he has chosen to give you a gift."
"Because he knows that I'll need it if I'm to help defeat Voldemort?"
"Perhaps. Or perhaps he understands that you would give your life for your friends, and for myself, to ensure that we live. Why else would someone who's decided that they're going to die, someone who has resigned themselves to that fact, ask for a single tear?" he asked.
It was Bess' turn to be silent. She really, truly, didn't have an answer for him. Although she was sure that Dumbledore knew, she just couldn't think enough to work out her own thoughts and feelings in that moment. But she was sure that at some point she'd realise the answer - she just didn't know when.
"Well, Bess, this is yours," he said, handing over the vial.
"Thank you, Professor," she said, nodding at Dumbledore, "and thank you, Fawkes. Professor?"
"Yes?"
"May I watch my vision again, in your pensieve?" she asked quickly, unsure of what his answer would be.
"What would that do?" he asked, pursing his lips in thought.
"Help me... help me prepare? I guess I... I guess I thought that maybe if I watch it again I'll see more details?" she reasoned.
"Such as?"
"Like Greyback," she replied, shifting in her seat to move forwards. "You said it was him, but how can you be so sure?"
"Unfortunately I have come across him before. Or at least, I have through the memories of others," Dumbledore replied. Bess thought she saw him grimace, but his expression was neutral within a moment.
"Then... then I could use it to look at my wound?" she asked.
Dumbledore shook his head. "I found myself unable to step any closer than you did, Bess, and was unable to see any more than you remember. I only saw a deep wound to your abdomen, which you were unable to heal."
Bess hung her head and whispered, "Do you think it'll hurt?"
"Your injuries?"
"No, death."
Dumbledore appraised her for a moment and sighed deeply. Bess looked down and made eye contact with Fawkes, who gently rubbed his beak against her arm once more and seemed to snuggle in to her more, as if giving her a hug.
"I cannot answer that, Bess."
She nodded and rubbed a hand over her face, smoothing out her hair and gently tossing her curls at the back of her head before letting her arm fall back down to her side in defeat. "I need to have another vision before I go."
"I cannot ask that of you," Dumbledore said, though his expression betrayed his hope that she would.
"You haven't asked anything of me. It's not a barter. It's not a wager. It's a... it's something I have to do. I can't leave you all here without knowing where the last Horcrux lies," she replied simply.
Dumbledore nodded. "If you insist, then I would prefer for you to be in a safe environment. We cannot let you fall in to the wrong hands. Especially not this summer."
Bess nodded again and took in a deep breath. "I'll ask Euphemia if I can try to have one at her house. She'll take care of me."
"What would Mr. Black say if he knew?"
"I don't know. But I do know that he'll die if I don't help, so he'll just have to forgive me..." she mumbled, hopeful that he would forgive her. "Have- have you heard anything more about Greyback? Do you know how soon I should try and see something?"
"Unfortunately not. I believe that he is in the north currently, negotiating with a small pack there, but I cannot be certain. I hope that from the summer I will have more reliable intelligence. It is... difficult... to find information on the packs without having a member."
"What? Who're you sending? I thought Remus was the only- no. NO! You can't ask him!" Bess cried, realising that Dumbledore was going to send Remus on a mission already.
"Bess, a few days of sacrifice from Mr. Lupin could save you, and countless-" Dumbledore began to reason.
"No. I refuse. No. It's not happening. You leave him alone! You leave him alone!" she implored, tears springing to her eyes as she thought of what Remus would have to go through to be accepted by a pack, let alone the lengths he'd have to go to to gain their trust.
"Bess."
"No. He's only seventeen!"
"He joined the Order, just as you did."
"No. I made him join!"
"And we can use his help."
"No. Look, please. I'll do... I'll do anything. Just give him more time. Give them more time," she asked quietly, pleading with the headmaster.
"He means that much to you?"
"They all do. For him, for Sirius, for James, for Lily... I would do anything," Bess replied.
"You feel this strongly?"
"I do."
Dumbledore appraised her for a moment. "I will not ask Mr. Lupin to spy for me this summer, and in return you will stay hidden until we have more intelligence on Greyback?"
"Agreed," Bess replied with a grimace. She wondered if Dumbledore had baited her on purpose, ensuring that she didn't try to leave Sirius' flat unnecessarily. He knew that she would protect Remus - he'd seen it with his own eyes at the Order meeting.
She sucked in a deep breath and hoped that James might let her borrow his invisibility cloak at some point. She also hoped that Sirius' flat was just as large and spacious as he'd told her, as she would need her own space if she were to be shut up there for most of the summer.
Dumbledore smiled slightly and shook his head. "It is our choices, Bess, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. Your kindness and self-sacrifice never ceases to amaze me. We are all but book characters for you, and yet you are willing to give up a freedom you fought so hard for to ensure that one of your new friends remains innocent from the practicalities of war? It is truly admirable."
"Or foolish, depending on who you ask. All I know is that we have to make sacrifices. This is mine."
They sat in silence for another minute before Bess spoke again. "I open at the close."
"I'm sorry?"
"It's... it's a Harry Potter thing, but... I thought it was fitting. If I die, my diary will pass to you, and to the Order. The password to open it is 'I open at the close.'"
"Thank you, Bess."
"And... and to make sure it wipes clean once you've used it, you have to say, 'Mischief Managed.'"
"Another Harry Potter-ism, I assume?"
"No, a Marauder-ism. I wish I could see the look on the boys' faces when you say it in front of them for the first time," she explained with a small smile. She could imagine their responses now.
"Why can't you?"
"Because the book is mine until I die, or I'm captured, or worse," she replied quietly, trying not to think of what torture they could devise for her.
"Worse?"
"Worse."
"How have you ensured that it will be given to the right people?" Dumbledore asked with an urgency to his voice now.
"I have a will."
"You do?"
"Yes. Well, of sorts. I've written my wants out in the book. They're in the front two pages. Will that suffice?" she asked quietly.
"I daresay it will, although I would ensure a copy is added to your vault at Gringotts," Dumbledore replied, a relieved tone to his voice.
"Would you be able to put it in there for me? I've never been," she asked, frowning up at the wizard. It was true, she still hadn't had the opportunity to go to Gringotts, as Delbert had told her that it would be unsafe for her to do so. She felt silly now, having believed that he cared about her.
"You haven't?"
"No, Delbert... Delbert set it up for me and always sent Jasper to get me money during the summer," she explained quickly.
"Do you have your key?" he asked as he stood and walked over to a large stack of papers on his desk. He rifled through them and scanned over a piece of parchment which he found towards the middle of the pile. "If you have your key you would be able to ask another to place valuables in there for you, and to remove your money."
Bess shook her head, unable to gather the mental strength to ask him why he would be worried that she didn't have her key. "No, I don't... I think that Jasper has it? I didn't even think to ask him for it. I have enough in my trunk to last me until the end of the summer..."
"I will enquire about the key from Jasper. In the meantime, please place a copy in this," Dumbledore said, holding out a large envelope.
Bess pulled her notebook out of her extended back pocket and opened it to her will. She copied the pages, gently folded them, and placed them within the envelope. As soon as she had, it sealed itself, and Dumbledore poured some wax onto the join and gently pressed his signet to it. Next, he twirled his wand five times over the seal.
"There. In the event of your loss, we will be able to open the letter," he explained. "Before then, only you or I will be able to open the seal. I promise you now that I will not."
"That's good... it would be really awkward if I had to change something and wasn't able to..." she joked, staring up at the rows and rows of Hogwarts Professors who were looking down on her with sympathy or pity. All apart from Phineas, who was still blindfolded and muffed whenever Bess arrived for a meeting. "I think I'll take a galleon away from Lily every time she tells me off..."
"I do find it incredible, Bess, that you are able to find light in such situations," Dumbledore replied, placing the envelope into a drawer and sliding it shut. He waved his wand and sealed the drawer, and then he sent her a small smile.
"I'm a worrier," she said with a shrug. "I think about every eventuality until it breaks me. But I've given myself until we leave Hogwarts to hold a pity party, and then I'm going to live. I'm going to get as many takeaways as I can, I'm going to send Sirius off to get me ridiculous things from all corners of England," she said with a laugh. "I'm going to watch television, and films, and listen to good music. I'm going to drink and party with my friends, and above all else, I'm going to laugh. Because if I don't laugh, I'll cry. And what's the point of knowing James Potter if I can't laugh at his ridiculous hair?"
"It's that simple?"
"Yes. That, and it feels as though I've locked in my will now. Now I know that it's done, that I've accepted what's coming... that I'm leaving with a phoenix tear which won't help me, and that Sirius will be making a portkey that also won't help me... well, nothing much I can do apart from fight, laugh, and think that it's all a bit shit, isn't it?"
"Ah well, hope, Bess. I have always found that hope helps to find a solution. For even when all else feels lost, if one believes... well, who knows what could happen?"
Bess winced, the pain in her head increasing in intensity.
"Bess?"
"It's fine. I'm... I'm fine. It's just... all this talk. I need... I need to go. Can we talk again later?" she asked, standing and taking Fawkes with her. She walked over to his perch and lifted him up. The bird jumped onto its perch and sqwarked at her. Bess smiled and stroked his head once before turning back to Dumbledore.
"Are you sure you'd like to leave now? You are most welcome to stay here if you believe that you will be having a vision," he said, concern evident in his tone and expression.
"No. No, I just need a distraction," she replied. She definitely didn't want to have another vision in his office. Not when she knew that the only person she would trust and like to have with her during one, was Sirius, and at the same time, she didn't want to make him go through that again. The only thing she could think of in that moment was that she needed to get as far away from the office as she could, and try to stop her headache from getting worse.
"Then I shall accompany you back to the common room to ensure your safety. After you," Dumbledore replied, gesturing towards the door as he stood.
They walked in silence until they reached the portrait hole, and then Dumbledore spoke. "I find what you're doing very admirable, Bess. But please remember what I said. Please dare to hope."
"I'll try," she replied stoically.
By the time Bess reached her dorm room, her headache was threatening to take over. Not yet, she thought to herself. If she could just find some way to hold on and not have a vision until she'd left school for the holidays, she'd be able to go undetected for an entire school year. She didn't want to think about an eventuality where the school, and the wrong people, found out about her 'abilities'.
"Bess? You okay? You look a little pale..." Jo asked in a concerned tone.
Bess' dorm mates were all sitting on or around Mary's bed, with a large pile of sweets in the middle of the duvet cover.
"Yeah," Bess pretended. "Just a migraine I think. Uh- Lily, do you-"
"Yeah, I've been waiting. I thought we'd go down together?" Lily replied, jumping off the bed and practically running over to Bess.
"But you only just got back from rounds! Where're you off to now?" Mary asked incredulously.
"Common room," Lily replied in an instant. "I need to update Bess on this thing James has started doing. It's with his mouth, it's like he-"
"Ugh. Go. No one needs to hear that. Why d'you put up with it?" Skye asked, gagging.
Bess smiled but didn't answer as she let Lily lead her out of the room.
"What happened?" Lily asked as soon as the door shut and they began to descend the stairs.
Bess shook her head and rubbed her temples with her fingertips. "Nothing. I just... my head just really hurts."
"How can I help?" Lily asked immediately.
"I just need a distraction..." Bess replied with a groan, shaking her head. "Fancy a trip to the kitchens?"
If Bess was at all worried that Lily would say no, she shouldn't have been. She was pleasantly surprised when her friend grinned and replied, "Of course!" without hesitation.
By the time they'd exited the kitchens, having picked up supplies for a picnic, Bess' headache was now just a dull pain in the back of her head again. She wasn't sure why distraction had worked this time, but it had, and for that she was grateful.
At the top of the stairs which led to the Entrance Hall, Bess and Lily thought they heard a noise, and jumped quickly behind two large suits of armour. They waited for two minutes before they confirmed that the coast was clear and crept over to the main doors, heading out into the grounds.
Bess sighed deeply when the cool nights' air hit her, and smiled up at the stars. The large expanse of green lawn in front of them was bathed in starlight, the moon still a waning crescent, still halfway through the cycle. Not for the first time that month, Bess thanked the stars that it hadn't been a full moon during exams week. Remus wouldn't have coped well with that.
"Where should we go?" Lily asked. "I was thinking by the Whomping Willow? There's a lovely patch there."
"What about by the lake? I feel like the willow is Remus' patch, y'know?" Bess replied, raising an eyebrow.
"Why?" Lily asked, tilting her head to the side with a frown.
"Uh- no... no reason. I'm sure he'll tell you at some point..." Bess replied, cursing herself for almost revealing the passageway to the Shrieking Shack. She was finding it harder and harder these days to remember what she'd told Lily, and what she hadn't.
They were just setting off down the long path when they heard the rustling of footsteps behind them and turned, wands aloft, to find James, Peter and Sirius grinning at them.
"What're you doing out so late, Evans?" James asked with a wink.
Lily and Bess shared a look and rolled their eyes at each other. Lily turned back to her boyfriend.
"What I do or do not do on my own time is none of your business, Potter. You don't own me," Lily replied, turning around with a huff and continuing down the path.
Bess shrugged at Sirius and then smiled and followed her friend.
"Incredible. You're incredible," James called as the girls walked quickly down the path. "She's not coming back, is she?" they heard James ask.
Sirius replied, "No... doesn't look like it, sorry mate... and she took..."
Bess couldn't hear the rest as she strolled after Lily, who was storming ahead. Thanks to her long legs - she was six inches taller than Lily - Bess caught up quickly.
"Absolutely ridiculous. I want to have one picnic after hours with my best friend and they just happen to turn up?" Lily practically growled.
"Well they do have the map to be fair to them, and seeing us heading down to the kitchens was probably an opportunity they didn't want to miss. It's not every day Lily Evans flouts school rules," Bess replied with a laugh. She looked over her shoulder and saw three figures making their way towards the greenhouses.
Lily, who was still a bit miffed, rolled her eyes and continued to stomp over the grass towards the edge of the lake. "I flout rules all the time. Just yesterday I- wait. What map?"
Bess simply threw her head back and laughed. "I really need to just stop saying things! I'm sure James will tell you about it at some point!"
"And- for god's- where're they going?" Lily cried, staring over towards the boys who had reached Greenhouse 2.
"James likes to water the mandrakes on a Friday before term or half-term. He's probably checking Sprout hasn't neglected them while she's been busy with exams."
"Man- mandrakes? He waters the mandrakes?" Lily asked in shock.
"Yeah. He likes to take care of things and people and creatures. Haven't you noticed?"
"Of- of course I have, but... but I just didn't think... that's really lovely," Lily whispered, still squinting across the grounds, trying to see James and his friends.
"Shall we?" Bess asked, smiling at Lily's reaction to James' kindness.
"Uh yeah, yeah, let's go," Lily replied.
They walked only a little further. "This is my favourite tree... I know it's weird to have favourites, but-"
"That's mine," Bess said, pointing over at a large tree on the border of the Forbidden Forest. "It reminds me of this tree in the middle of the park I grew up near."
"That's nice," Lily replied, smiling at Bess.
A moment later Lily produced a blanket from her wand and Bess opened her backpack to pour the food they'd procured from the kitchens in the middle of it. They sat down and looked up at the night's sky, falling into a comfortable silence. After a while Bess tucked her knees under her chin and looked down, playing with the grass at her side.
"What did Dumbledore want?" Lily asked, breaking the silence and pouring them both large mugs of juice.
"Same old," Bess mumbled as she pulled out a blade of grass and sighed.
"We'll find a way," Lily said optimistically.
"It's okay. Sometimes there isn't one. Even Dumbledore's given up I think," Bess replied. "I'm just going to try and leave you all with as much information as I can."
"Have you told Sirius?" Lily asked in a concerned tone.
"No... and I don't think I will. He deserves to think there's a way out of it."
"Oh Bess..."
"It's fine. I just... I just need to be distracted. I want to try and find happy moments in every day from now on. Otherwise I'll just keep spiralling."
"Distractions... Okay... I think Petunia's boyfriend's going to ask her to marry him," Lily said with a grimace.
Bess rolled her eyes. "Ugh, fucking Vernon."
"I know," Lily nodded. "He's the worst. But," she sighed, "he makes her happy..."
"Only because she's also the worst," Bess mumbled.
"She's not that bad..."
"Lil..." Bess raised an eyebrow and tilted her head as if to say, 'be serious,' and Lily pursed her lips.
"Okay, yeah, she is, but I'm hoping one day she'll realise it's not my fault that I'm a witch."
Bess frowned, and placed a hand on Lily's forearm. "I don't think she will, because I don't think that deep down she really cares that you are one. She's upset and hurt and humiliated that she's not, and has turned that into hatred. It would be completely different if she'd been able to come to Hogwarts."
"You think?"
"I know."
"Okay..." Lily said, biting her lip. "Will they get married then?"
Bess leant back, moving her hand from Lily's arm so that she could pick up her juice. "Yeah. Make sure James doesn't talk about broomsticks and you might get out of the first 'meet the other halves' chat unscathed."
"I'll introduce James and Vernon?" Lily asked with wide eyes.
Bess took a swig of her drink and paused for a moment. "You ask that like you haven't already thought about it."
"True..." Lily replied, her brow furrowed.
They heard a crash echo across the grounds and looked towards the greenhouses once more. They saw two figures this time, both tall and slight, but well built - James and Sirius - strolling across the grounds back towards the castle. Bess was just about to ask where Lily thought Peter might be, when the shorter boy ran to catch up with the his friends, brandishing a bucket. Bess smiled as she saw Sirius wrap an arm around James' shoulders as they turned and doubled over laughing at Peter as they dodged his attempts to throw the contents of the bucket at them.
"D'you reckon I should just put James out of his misery and ask him if he wants to join us?" Lily asked in a quiet voice. She was watching the boys as well, a look of longing on her face.
"Probably," Bess replied.
"Would you mind terribly if I did?" Lily asked, turning to Bess, her eyes full of hope.
"No," Bess replied truthfully. "I think it'd be a fun memory to have, breaking school rules and snacking with my friends... It's one of the things I was talking to Dumblebumble about. I've got to make good memories before I-" she stopped and sucked in a deep breath, tears welling in the corner of her eyes. Not even calling Dumbledore a ridiculous nickname could cut through her emotions in that moment. "Before the summer."
"Bess..."
"It's okay. Really. It's a good distraction and I need my friends. Also, you're acting like this will all be for you. You do remember that I've barely had any time with Sirius for ages and this would be the first time he's properly held me in weeks, right?"
"OI! IDIOT!" Lily called out immediately, and Bess laughed. They heard a deep laugh echo over the ground and watched as the three boys turned towards them. Lily used her whole arm to wave and gesture for them to come over. Soon enough, they were walking up to the two girls with happy smiles.
"Peter takes offence to being called an idiot, Evans," Sirius laughed as he loped over to where Bess was sat. He positioned himself behind her, his legs either side of hers, and wrapped his arms around her waist. He gently nuzzled her hair and Bess laughed and pulled her curls over her shoulder to allow him to bury his face in her neck. She already felt her anxiousness seeping away at his embrace.
She felt secure and loved, and leant back into his embrace with a happy sigh.
"Peter, I apologise profusely. I was talking to James," Lily replied, smiling up at the watery-eyed boy who looked incredibly nervous and out of place as he sat next to the two couples, even though Lily was blushing and laughing as she placed her hand over James' face, pushing him away from her as he made kissy faces at her. Though Bess did notice that when no one was looking, Lily placed a kiss on James' lips and smiled serenely at him.
"Are these up for grabs?" Peter asked, his mouth already full of cake as he tucked in to the victoria sponge Bess and Lily had brought with them.
"Apparently..." Lily replied, an annoyed look on her face as she watched Peter stuff more cake into his mouth.
"Looks like Filch is on the war path," Remus called, running up to the group, pocketing a large piece of parchment. "Just tried to get into the kitchens and he's blocking the way. Sorry lads! Hi Bess, Lily!" Remus added with a grin, nodding at the girls.
"Oh for Christ's sake! We only got enough food for two and Peter's already eaten half of it!" Lily cried, gesturing towards their pile of food, which was a lot smaller than when they'd first sat down less than ten minutes before.
"Never say we're not prepared..." said James with a grin. He opened a small bag he'd brought and produced a bar of chocolate and two bottles of mead.
"That's hardly enough food for all of us, and you know we can't drink! Remus just said Filch knows someone's out of bed! We can't go back in there drunk!" Lily hissed.
"Oh come on, where's your sense of adventure?" James asked, rolling his eyes.
Bess shook her head at James, and Sirius chuckled as they watched Lily turn bright red. James gulped as he realised he'd triggered his love's fury.
"YOU joined US outside. Not the other way around. THIS is my sense of adventure and you're ruining it!" Lily cried, reaching over to flick James on the arm.
"Ow! Do you want me to leave then?" he asked, frowning at the ground and rubbing his arm.
Bess could tell he was faking, but Lily reaching over and gently ran her hand through his hair, an apologetic look on her face.
"For god's... no. No, stay. We'll take your chocolate and mead. Someone'll just have to distract Filch when we go back in," she replied with a deep sigh, all annoyance seeming to seep away as she held James' hand.
Bess turned her head and whispered to Sirius, "She's just pissed because she's been craving that viccy sponge all day and what does Peter wolf down first?"
"I'm sure a little doggy will tell James to get her a replacement tomorrow then," he replied, kissing her on the cheek.
They heard a pop as Lily removed the cork from the bottle of mead with a flick of her wand. She took a large swig as James watched, a giant grin on his face, and Bess smiled at his look of adoration.
Bess took the proffered bottle when Lily handed it to her, and said, "I'll distract Filch. Pretty sure it's my turn?" she then took a large gulp herself, the drink sending tingles and a warm feeling down her throat and body as the alcohol seeped into her system.
She felt Sirius' arms tighten around her and she turned to smile at him again as she poured some into his mouth, taking the bottle away as he nodded slightly. "Thanks, love," Sirius said, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek and rub his nose against hers. She smiled and turned back around.
"Your turn?" Peter asked, and accepted the bottle when Bess handed it to him next, gulping down the sweet liquid.
"James said you take it in turns to sacrifice yourselves 'for the cause'..." Bess replied with air quotes before leaning over to grab a large steak pasty.
"A pasty?" Sirius asked, a look of disgust on his face. "You know there's chocolate down there?"
"Last time I ate a cauldron cake and drank alcohol I ended up puking my guts out in our dorm," Bess replied matter-of-factly.
Sirius frowned. "What? I don't remember that. Where was I?"
"Think you were battling tongues with Natalie..." she replied, looking down at her pasty to avoid looking at the horror on Sirius face as he went red and tried to think of something to say. She tried hard to not laugh.
She heard a splutter and looked over to Lily. They made eye contact and Lily broke, sniggering. James broke next, then Peter.
Remus was the only one of their friends who managed to keep a straight face. "Moving on..." he coughed. "Why's it your turn then, Bess?"
"Well I don't think it'll look good if a prefect, the future Head Girl, Peter, and two people who have to see Dumbledore tomorrow afternoon are caught out of hours, do you?" she replied, still trying to hold in her giggle as Sirius, continued to open and close his mouth as he thought of something to say.
"Head Girl?" Lily asked, glancing around, a look of sheer panic on her face. "Durridge isn't here, is she?"
Bess rolled her eyes and tilted her head at her auburn haired friend.
A look of realisation dawned on Lily. "I'm going to be Head Girl?"
Bess, already feeling a little bit light headed from the alcohol - having missed all food that day apart from the small bite she'd taken out of her pasty - replied, "Maybe, no idea. But would make sense, wouldn't it?"
James grinned and threw his arm around Lily, who suddenly looked a little sick. "Perfect pick," he said confidently.
"Yeah, you'd be a great Head Girl!" Remus beamed.
"Yeah, you would," Peter added.
"Ugh, the power's going to go to her head, isn't it?" Sirius asked, rolling his eyes.
"Found your voice again then?" James asked, sniggering. Sirius flicked his wand and watched as James was thrown backwards, landing in a heap a few feet away.
"Oi!" James cried, standing and holding out his wand to Sirius. "I'll get you for that!"
"Yeah? Hit my girlfriend in the process and you'll be sorry!" Sirius cried, ducking behind Bess' hair.
"That's not fair! Her hair's massive! You could probably-"
"Finish that sentence, James. I dare you," Bess replied, tapping her wand to her other hand. James gulped and sank back onto his patch of blanket.
"It's not that big, is it?" Bess asked quietly, picking up a curl and frowning at it.
"No, he's just being an idiot as usual," Lily replied, smiling at Bess. "And thank you all... I don't know if I'll get it, but it would be an amazing opportunity if I did."
"Wait..." Remus said, his eyes narrowed as he played with a large slab of chocolate. He frowned up at the sky and then looked at Bess. "Did you say Dumbledore wanted to see those two?" he asked, pointing his chocolate at Sirius and James.
"Yeah. I saw him earlier tonight. You should've seen him. He was irate. Wanted to see them in his office at three tomorrow afternoon..." Bess said in a serious voice, before smiling and winking at Remus, Peter and Lily when Sirius and James stared at each other in horror.
"Fuck. What'd we do?" Sirius asked.
James countered with, "Well shit, I dunno. D'you think it was the statue?"
"No, he couldn't know about that yet..." replied Sirius.
James frowned. "The tower?"
"Nah, Minnie'll get us for that one first... Might be our fight with Snape earlier?"
"What?" Lily and Bess asked incredulously, looking between the two boys.
"He hexed us first!" James cried, raising his palms to the sky, his mouth dropping open.
When Bess turned to look at Sirius, he was purposefully not making eye contact. "Pup? You want to add in anything?" she asked shortly.
"No..." Sirius said slowly.
"Pup?"
"He really did hex James first. Just... just... well... okay, so... well..." Sirius stammered, looking between his friends for help as he wilted under Bess' cold stare. She tried not to smile - he didn't even react that way when Minerva told him off.
"James?" Lily asked, turning to her boyfriend with a cold stare.
"I may or may not have borrowed his potions textbook for like three minutes last week..." James replied.
"What did you do to it?" Lily asked angrily, enunciating every word.
"I just crossed out one of the spells!" James replied anxiously. "Don't know why he was so angry."
"You defaced his- And just before exams- argh! James. You're an absolute arse, and we'll talk about this later," Lily promised with a glare.
Bess thought that James looked like the most scared and regretful boyfriend she'd ever seen until she herself stood up, pushing off Sirius' arms, and moved to sit between Remus and Peter, so that Sirius couldn't even reach out to her.
"Oh come on! Bess, love, seriously?" Sirius asked, gesturing for her to come back to his embrace. "This is the closest we've been for weeks! Months even!"
"And whose fault is it? We'll talk about it this summer," Bess promised, raising an eyebrow, daring him to argue with her.
"Fuck's sake," Sirius replied, and threw himself backwards to stare up at the stars. "It's only Snape."
"Only Snape? Ooh, if only you knew, pup, if only you knew," Bess replied, shaking her head in annoyance.
"What does that mean?" Peter asked.
"Nothing," Bess replied instantly. "Anyway, I was joking. I think Dumbledore just wants to talk about portkeys."
Sirius sat up immediately, looking excited and proud. "You told him my idea?"
"Yeah... hope that's okay?" Bess asked, annoyed at herself for already giving in and shooting him a little smile.
Sirius grinned. "He liked it?"
Bess rolled her eyes and nodded. "He did. Thinks it can be really useful for The Order."
"The Order? What's the Order?" Peter asked, looking between all of his friends.
"The Order of the Phoenix," Bess replied. "It's a secret society fighting against Death Eaters and Voldemort. I'm part of it already, and I invited the guys at Easter because they'd all turned seventeen, and now it's your turn. I didn't want to tell you about it until you were of age, but I reckon a few days ahead of your birthday's okay. What d'you think? D'you want to join?" she asked, trying to take any blame for not telling him about the Order away from her friends, laying it all on herself. She suppressed the sick feeling rising in her throat and stuffed a bit more steak pasty in before reaching over to grab the open bottle of mead to wash it down with.
"Dum- Dumbledore thinks I should join?" Peter stammered.
"Course, Pete!" James cried, as Remus and Sirius beamed. "Can't break up the Marauders!"
"About bloody time," Sirius added. "Been dying to tell you for a couple of months now, mate!"
"Months?" Peter asked. "How many meetings've you been to so far?"
Remus replied for the group. "Just one and you didn't miss much. It was more of an introductory thing."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Peter asked, his voice breaking slightly as he stared down at the small pile of remaining food.
"That was my request. I didn't want to take away anyone's innocence. I..." Bess stopped and looked down at her left forearm. She pulled her cardigan sleeve back a little and guided her fingers over her scar. "Joining the Order... you're joining a war. I didn't think it was fair to have you come to a meeting when you wouldn't have even been allowed to defend yourself if we were attacked."
There was silence, and Bess knew that everyone was staring down at her arm.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she continued. "And I'm sorry I asked the others not to either. I just... I just wanted you to be happy for longer."
"I thought you hated me..." Peter whispered, "especially when everyone started being a bit more secretive."
"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to think that. It wasn't you. It's your parents' fault really. Having a baby in June? Ridiculous," she said with a teasing smile.
"He really thought you hated him... I mean, you did say you hated rats..." Remus added, looking at Bess.
Peter blanched, James' eyes widened, and Sirius gulped.
"You know?" Peter cried.
Remus laughed. "Uh- that's on you again, Pete."
"What?" Peter asked, "How's that on me?"
"Remember back at Valentine's? In the cellar? When you changed?" Remus asked, laughing. Peter nodded, and Remus continued, "Bess was next to me. That's why I needed the cloak."
"Love!" Sirius cried. "Why didn't you ask for help?"
"I was kind of hiding from all of you too to be honest. Didn't want to admit I'd forgotten about valentine's!" Bess said with a half smile. "That's also why your dad was in the shop, James."
"Merlin," Sirius said, and shot Bess a proud look. "You just keep getting better and better..."
"Sorry Peter," Bess said, looking at the boy next to her.
"S'alright. I get it, I guess. Makes sense that you told Lily too... And Dumbledore's happy for me to join the Order if I want to?" he asked hopefully.
"James told me..." Lily said quietly, and James shot her a look to tell her to shut up, and Bess could almost hear him saying, 'Snitches stay on the pitch, Lily!'
"Yeah. He asked me to ask you," Bess replied, and Peter's grin was almost as bright as the stars.
James leant forwards and asked, "So what d'you say, Pete? You in?"
Peter nodded enthusiastically. "I'm in. I'm so in!" he yelled, and his friends all cheered.
Bess couldn't help but smile at their happiness, even though at the back of her mind she was worried, and her stomach was lurching. Was she making the right decision? But with Moody, Dumbledore and her watching him... could he do much wrong?
Peter turned back to Bess and said, "And... and you can call me Wormy. Lily does already."
Bess grinned. This meant that he trusted her enough to give her Lily level privileges. "Thanks Pe- sorry. Thanks Wormy."
xXx
A/N: so... Does Bess trust Peter? No.
Is she trying to protect everyone's innocence too much? Yes.
Is she terrified and anxious and spiralling? Yes.
As usual, please ignore any spelling errors, I'm on my phone writing this in the middle of the night most of the time, trying to get my baby to sleep, so appreciate everyone overlooking the odd grammatical error!
I'm so so excited because I think there's only one long chapter left before the summer, and I've already written the last three chapters of book one, which is what I've been writing towards for 55 chapters now, eek!
Thank you so much to everyone reading, following, favouriting and reviewing! I really appreciate the feedback! Special thanks to: CharlotteGryffindor, Avalon Rivers, Ghost Claw 001, eccentricess, idreamtosmilealways, Bronzelove, and Lull Meister!