Shrapnel.

It was the first thought that came to his mind as the sound of many boots reached his ears and he sensed that he was being turned over, the movement sending a sharp stab of pain through his side and down his spine. If he'd never felt his toes in all his life, he sure as hell was now.

Caleb, Evan reminded himself. Caleb was moving him, one hand on his chest, the other on his shoulder. "Dad!"

Most likely a piece of metal lodged in his side, just beneath his rib cage. Sharp and long. How deep, he couldn't say, but certainly deep enough to hurt like hell. He blinked up at the dark ceiling as Caleb's face entered his field of vision. It was the only thing he could focus on. Blue eyes, the exact same shade as his mother's, his hair a bit too long to be comfortable and too short to keep it out of his face. Evan was almost tempted to tell him he needed a haircut, but he bit his lip, fighting back a pained grin. Caleb would only worry if he talked about that now.

"Dad, you're gonna be okay. They got him."

Got who? Evan couldn't even say it. Every breath he took felt like a sharp burning pain running up and down his body, making the piece of metal in his side dig deeper into his flesh.

Caleb was frowning and briefly looked over his shoulder. Familiar looking boots, standard issue, the very ones he himself was wearing, entered his field of vision and slowly Evan turned his head to look up.

"Dad! Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, I'm not deaf," Evan huffed. Reaching up, he touched Caleb's arm, fighting through the pain. If he managed to comfort his son at least a bit, then that was worth it. "Not the first time this has happened." He forced a smile, knowing full well that speaking louder would require him getting more air into his lungs and it would hurt even more.

"We got you, General," the Corporal leading the strike team they had sent down here said quietly. Evan had only seen her briefly, but he recognized her easily enough, though he couldn't remember her name. It really was time to retire. "Quick extraction." Her sunglasses were dangling in front of her chest and she briefly touched his shoulder. "Can I take a look, Sir?"

"What about-"

"Lieutenant Lorne is taking care of the shielding, Sir. Mr Emmagan managed to contact Guide. He and Fisherman managed to rig up some communication. We found the Lieutenant first, then the others. Now Lieutenant Lorne is off to cause some serious damage to the main reactor. We'll have you out of here in a jiff."

Grace. An icy chill ran down his spine as he clung to Caleb's arm and the Corporal bent over to examine his side. "Where is she?" And where was Ba'al? What about Carter and Ronon?

"Unconscious. All three of them. We're taking Ba'al into custody. That leverage should be enough to get us out of here, huh?"

Evan nodded. He was in no mind to make decisions on any kind of scale. His head was buzzing, his ears still ringing and all he could focus on was his son, still leaning over him as the Corporal cut open his shirt. The slightest shifting of the fabric against the wound was enough to make him gasp and he felt Caleb grasp his shoulder.

"It's deep, Sir. I don't dare take it out. We're gonna have to wait until we can get you to the infirmary."

Infirmary. Sure… why not? They probably had a lot of time to do just that.

Something hot hit his face and it took him a second before he realized that Caleb was crying, staring with wide open eyes down at him. "Dad, I'm sorry."

Swallowing hard, Evan squeezed Caleb's wrist. "It's okay," he said quietly, not daring to speak louder as the commotion around them sped up. From somewhere, seemingly very far away, he heard Guide's voice saying something about being able to leave and as Caleb pulled a face and stared down at him, his eyes wide and his lips in a grimace of disbelief, it hit him. Alex had looked at him like this. In a Wraith cell as he was lying on the floor, as useless as he was now.

Caleb nodded, but the reassurance didn't seem to reach him. "Dad…"

Evan managed to shake his head, before the Corporal was back and knelt down next to him. "We have the Colonel and Ronon. Major Miller and her team disrupted the EM shielding. We're good to go."

"Ba'al?" he asked and she nodded.

"In cuffs and ready to be sent directly into a cell."

"Good." Maybe a Wraith or someone would be brave enough to slip him some poison. He nodded and then moved his gaze back to Caleb. The shadow of his beard made him look ten years older at least. And there were still tears running down his face as he clasped his shoulder.

Next second there was a bright white light and his eyes fell shut.

"Dad!" Grace's voice rang in his ears and Caleb's head whipped around to see her standing a few feet away from them. He blinked and looked around, not entirely surprised of their surroundings. Several empty beds, people in clean white coats surrounding them. He felt himself being pulled to his feet. Everything was in a haze. Distant. Disconnected from the rest of the world. There were dozens of people around them, whites and blues and greys rushing around them with faces he couldn't focus on, because his father was still on the ground, awfully pale, his uniform torn, eyes closed. Caleb wasn't even sure he was breathing anymore. He'd sounded so strong even there in that room, fully in control and now… Caleb started to kneel down again, to touch his face, hoping with prickling eyes that his skin would be warm when a heavy hand fell on his shoulder.

"Doctor Lorne, please step back."

Caleb swallowed hard and automatically did as he was told, only to be pushed away from the lifeless form of his father. An arm looped around his waist and he took a deep breath. Grace. His sister was standing right next to him, her left hand wrapped in crimson rags, cradled against her chest. "Is he gonna be okay?" her voice was so low, she sounded so small then. Like the little sister she'd never really been. "What about you?"

Caleb nodded, his throat tight as their father was wheeled into another room. He held on tight to Grace, feeling her tremble against him.

"Lieutenant, come with me." She flinched when one of the nurses approached her, but Caleb shoved her unceremoniously towards the medic.

"Go ahead, Grace," Caleb whispered, his heart sinking when he realized that he couldn't see Lucas or Josh or Eva anywhere. Carter and Ronon must have been taken care of already. And what about the Marines? And the teams? Heart thumping wildly, he looked around, almost shouting out loud when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Miller. It was Miller. Grace's commanding officer. "Where is everyone?" he breathed, sweat running down his neck. Where's Lucas?

"Out in the other examination room. Are you okay?" Caleb threw a look over his shoulder at the sheer army of nurses and doctors taking care of the wounded. How many were there? He couldn't even tell. All he could think of was his father and the bloody rag wrapped around Grace's hand.

"Yes, I'm okay," he breathed, his stomach twisting into a tight knot. He wasn't, but Miller didn't need to know. His father was here because of him. Because he thought he needed to protect him. And if he hadn't thrown himself on top of Caleb, he wouldn't be here now. "I-"

"Come on outside," Miller urged him and for a moment Caleb was on the verge of pushing her away and following his father and sister. His heart was throbbing, his hands were sweaty. He knew very well that none of this was his fault, but he couldn't shake this gnawing feeling of guilt. The weight pressing down on his shoulders.

What was he supposed to tell his mother?

Before he could move in the direction where they had taken his family, he felt himself being pushed out of the door and out into the next room. Immediately his eyes fell on Hernandez. The older man approached him, clapped him on the arm. Caleb nodded, still numb from what he had seen. From what he had done. "Glad you're okay, kid," Hernandez said and for a moment Caleb felt like collapsing to the floor and burying his face in his hands before the rest of his team could see the tears. Because George was there too. And Mortimer. Behind them he spotted Josh, his arm around Eva. And Josh's team. Jebson, Durham and Finnemore. All alive and well.

Not because of him.

He'd done nothing.

And still he was glad when Josh pushed past the others to pull Caleb into a tight hug.

He couldn't find it in him to return it. His eyes searched the people surrounding him, as they were talking quietly, Eva standing on her toes as though that would help her catch a glimpse of what was going on inside the infirmary, behind these closed doors. She scrunched up her nose, shouting loudly that she wanted to see her father and Miller stretched out a hand to her in an attempt to calm her down.

"Josh," Caleb whispered, unable to speak louder. "Where's Lucas?"

When Josh pulled back and started shaking his head, Caleb felt the ground underneath him being ripped away, but Josh held him tight, pushing him against the wall to keep him from falling. "In there as far as I know. He and Torren are a bit the worse for wear. They'll be alright, okay? There's nothing you can do right now."

"But-"

"Caleb," Josh said, his voice urgent and as he fixed Caleb with his wide-eyed stare, Caleb knew exactly what Josh was thinking. That, if he lost it now, he might not be allowed in this program anymore. That if he made another scene, they would simply throw him out.

Taking a deep breath, Caleb pulled away from his friend and wiped the tears from his face, completely ignoring Hernandez still standing next to him. Yes, he had to pull himself together. He had to try and keep a clear head. He looked to the left.

"This check-up on us is gonna take forever too, huh?" Caleb heard George say somewhere behind Josh in a clear attempt to ease some of the tension. Her voice only made Caleb's stomach tighten and he crossed his arms over his chest, eyes fixed on the seam in the door in front of him that kept him separated from the goings-on there. "Wouldn't mind not having to wait around."

"Check-up on us?" Eva prompted, and Caleb turned his head ever so slightly to look at the Lieutenant. "Why?"

"Just to make sure we haven't been infected with some fancy new alien stuff, or a symbiote. Standard procedure for decades now."

"Talking of which…" Josh leaned against the wall, leaning into Caleb's field of vision. "You were there, right? It really was Ba'al then? The Marines said something about that. When we were all taken out of there?" He jumped up to sit on one of the tables lining the walls. "What happened?"

Caleb swallowed hard, whishing George would start up her senseless babbling again. He bit his lip and shook his head. Josh wouldn't understand. No one would. Gritting his teeth, he kept staring at the door.

"Lorne?" Hernandez. Of course him. Caleb threw him a look. There was something in the brown eyes that reminded him far too much of his father. Of his father who might be dying out there. He blinked at the tears and took a deep breath. "He was trying to negotiate with my- with the General and the Colonel and Ronon." There. That was easy. Now for the more difficult part. The things he couldn't tell Hernandez. The things eh didn't want these people to know. Not even Josh. "I guess Ba'al wanted to have me there to put more pressure on them." It wasn't a total lie. But he also knew that this wouldn't be enough. But it might be for now.

Hernandez nodded warily and took a step back. There would be more to come. More questions that would be asked. This conversation was not over.

A/N: Another endless wait. I am so so sorry this is taking me forever to update… but, if you like Star Wars, I'm writing a full-on saga of Gingerpilot (Hux/Poe) and posting it on AO3 as well. That and life in general is determined to slow down the writing process for this fic, but everything's lined up. All I need to do now is finish writing it.

Hoping you can forgive me and you still like this story 😊