Chapter 56
"Liv, you've gotta let him go… "
As if a deer in the headlights, Olivia slowly shifted her hollow staring back, refocused at Elliot Stabler who was on the floor so horribly still, in front of her. For the first time her eyes worked, noticing how that red blood ran down the corner of Elliot's apart pale lips, nostrils…
So this is how life drains out of his body...and mine, too.
"He's gone."
A voice took her off guard.
Not a shadow, not a vision, it literally was the very much alive T Walker crouched down, leant in and breathed into her ear. "You stabbed Elliot to death."
"Wh-, no. No. I didn't-… He's…" That voice sounded nothing like herself, until everything gradually sank in, corroded holes in her heart.
So…that bastard ghost was right, wasn't he?
That's what I've done.
I k-killed El…
"Man… This's the best show, ever!" Ryan laughed. "The audiences are gonna fucking love it. You know how many people are watching us on the live-web? Bet the number is breaking through 200 fucking thousand or even more…"
What… does it mean?
Simply he just talked too fast and too much, that only his mouth move was what she caught.
"Hey." Walker snapped his fingers in front of Olivia's face. "It means, you're nothing but still a goldfish in a glass tank. And his death was part of the show and your pathetic ass is not doing a shit."
Watching everything from distance, Alex couldn't help but shivering as the hair on her back stood up, one by one. At first she thought the brunette was in shock or, but soon, her heart stopped beating.
Is… Is Olivia talking to, her… self?
There was no moment in her life like this that something literally crept her guts out. Olivia was not only talking to no-one, but her face, her tone, her entire body language seemed like…Like some invisible spirits kept getting in and out, taking turns controlling her mind, like she was-
Mental breakdown.
That thought petrified Alex.
"Olivia?… Liv!"
Instead of showing a sign of being able to comprehend, Olivia just mumbled and hissed under her breath, and suddenly, she threw herself aside and tumbled to get the gun.
"No!" Alex yanked the cuff, sliding it desperately all the way along the heating pipe, trying to find a weak joint.
Already, Olivia found herself kneeing on the back of Ryan's back with her gun pressing on his head.
"Don't!"
She snapped her head up, as a strong hand gripped her wrist.
What?
If it wasn't… No. Even with her own eyes wide open, it still was hard to believe that she was looking at her literally fucking self, the uniformed, younger, long haired, familiar but completely foreign Detective Olivia Benson.
"Don't shoot." The cop Olivia's voice got no shake. "I knew it's eating you up, but don't listen to him. That piece of shit is desperately enraging you to do what he wanted to. Killing him is gonna cost your life!"
"I'm not killing him!"
"Yes, you are. And he doesn't deserve a fast death."
"Exactly! So I'm making him fucking pay and-… oh. No… No. You're-… You don't exist." Suddenly, talking to this crazy, ridiculers whatever it was, got her hard. It had to be her delusions, had to be nothing but her fucked up brain fucking her up-… "HEY!" Olivia's eyes slammed open in T Walker's sudden roar. "YOU SCARED?! …Yes, you are. You're terrified, Olivia. After all those nights curling up in the bathroom corner, cutting yourself brutally deep, planning to have your Goddamn revenge but now you ended up doing nothing."
"Don't listen to him!" The cop Benson yelled from the other side.
"Then don't. Just watch me."
Alex flinched as Olivia started to hit Ryan's head with the pistol butt, repeatedly and hard. One, two, three… Again, and again, and again… Until one hit landed on a funny angle, and the impact knocking the gun out of her hand. But it didn't stop her. She simply started punching with her bare fist, each time harder, and harder, and harder…
The blond looked away when she heard a bone crack...
Finally, when the brunette got either tired or tired of hitting, she took a moment to catch breath.
Ryan's heavy painful gasps filled the room. Half of his face had been a bleeding mess, but he laughed wryly."Cabot, believe me now? This woman, is a beast basically. Or she's born to be one? God, Olivia, we got so much in common…"
"Shut the fuck up, Ryan! She's nothing like you!"
"Olivia, you tell her. It feels good, doesn't it? Taking revenge on the one who ruined your lives…"
"You call it revenge?… We only just started." Olivia rubbed her wrist, stood up.
"Of course! Of course… Alex, you still judge me for doing bad things? Look at her. She's ten thousand times worse than what you can imagine."
"Shut up, Ryan! Liv… Olivia…? What are you going to do?" Alex called as the brunette just hobbled to the toolbox.
Ropes.
Duck tape.
Another duck tape.
Pliers.
Wires.
Scissor.
…
There it is.
Her eyes widened, spotting the nail-gun on the ground.
"Yeah, cripple, pick it up. Prove the world that you can kill." Ryan encouraged."Do it!"
"Kill?" Olivia cocked her head. "Not before I get what I'm here for."
"Don't!"/"You're out."
Out of nowhere, two voices yelled simultaneously from the inside of her head. Olivia's knees gave out.
Ahhhh!…
An overwhelming headache exploded in her skull and the surroundings started spinning, losing gravity and noise… Nausea came quickly. Before she knew it, the world turned into a quiet dark vortex. Nothing to grab. Nowhere to hide. Her entire self was just a tree leaf rolling up and down in a tornado, not being able to do anything but keep spinning and falling…
Within seconds, she had been so deep into a dark hole with the only entrance was just a coin-size light spot high above. She felt paralyzed, suffocated, confused and frightened. Each millisecond, all muscles in her body got hundred times stiffer and lighter...
Ryan was howling in fury and pain and even sounded like some dying struggling beast, while Alex was screaming something in the background…But there was nothing she could do. The world around felt like separating from the old original one, taking her to a parallel universe or something. And her physical body was either vanishing in the air or essentially getting manipulated by a powerful strength…
Damn you, Walker.
He was using her body.
Oh, God. No…
She was manipulated.
Cuz he was in her bones and blood, every fucking cell of her being, controlling her body and senses like a puppet master.
No. No. Not again, not now, not by him.
She could somehow tell that Walker must be doing something horrible, cruel, to the man on the ground...
What the fuck is he, am I doing? (If there still is an "I"…)
Dammit.
This was supposed to be her God damn vengeance, supposed to be HER fucking bloody outlet for all these severe ordeals, excruciating endurance, pent-up fury, endless resentment and self-redemption…But Walker left her nothing.
What's wrong with everything?
Where am I?… And, and where the fuck is Olivia?!
Speaking of… That cop Olivia Benson was just, gone. Gone like she was hidden, trapped in somewhere, some space near or far from here, too. Words were not able to describe the crazy cognition and frustration.
LET ME OUT!
She thought she yelled, but all she heard was someone else's screaming.
…
Meanwhile, just when the desperate Cabot was doing everything she could to break free, she froze abruptly.
Is there…?
Someone was doing something on the other side of that elevator door, which, sounded like, a… a metal cutter?
The rescues!
Alex shivered in a cold sweat.
What if they bust in seeing Liv is…
Nothing mattered after that. The pain, exhaustion, sanity...Fuck everything. Alex gritted her teeth, sliding the cuff to the rusty pipe joint and starting to pull. "C'mon! Ah!"
Suddenly, her both hands gripped deadly tight on the nail-gun in Olivia's hands.
It surprised them both.
"Olivia, stop. Shh… Don't. It's ok. Look at me. Look… It's me. It's Alex…"
From the edge of her vision, she saw her still cuffed and swollen bleeding wrist. Part of her mind recalled somehow, about the desperate moment when she putting a tremendous strain on all her muscles, yanking miserably, giving no damn on which would hit the breaking point first, the pipe joint or her wrist, which miraculously got her here.
But she felt no pain at all, when those brown eyes she was looking into were zero like any part of the Olivia she remembered.
The Olivia she knew would never look this hollow, this violent, would never brutally beat a cuffed injured man before nailed his palms and ankles to the ground in cold blood, and stepped on his bleeding wounds, ripping down his pants...
Yes, she ripped Ryan's pants down without a blink.
The Olivia she knew…
Part of her didn't dare to think what the brunette was about to do, pointing the nail-gun on the Ryan's bare butt…
All these are for avenging me.
The awareness stabbed Alex's heart hard. "Put the gun down, Olivia."
"Get your hands off me."
Her deep voice filled with hate and threat made Alex shiver. "Liv… I know it's far from equal, but not this way."
A little smirk flashed on Olivia's face. "Since we're in a show, why not just break a leg?"
"What? No…no Liv. You need to put down the gun, and we walk out of that door…"
"Don't tell me what I can and can not do. You have no idea what I am capable of."
"C'mon, you've already make him suffer!"
"You call that 'suffer'?! Just like that?!"
Alex attempted to snatch the weapon, but too late. Before she knew it, her head had been knocked backward and she lost balance.
Bang. Bang.
The brunette shot Ryan's both knees with the nail-gun.
The man's entire body trembled horribly in agony. And it took him a hell of a long while to finally scream his guts out.
"You, crazy, BITCH!"
Olivia's eyes widened in exciting, looking back and forth in between Ryan's twisting face and bleeding knees. "Beautiful punctures. Now you seem so much more like her. Love it? Say it. Say you love it!"
Forcing back a retch, Alex climbed up as fast as she could, holding Olivia from behind and pulling her back. "Liv. STOP it!"
They started wrestling.
"Scream! Scream! You piece of shit! Scream louder! Louder! Don't you fucking enjoy pain?! Fucking enjoy it!" The brunette completely lost it, fighting like a enraged animal.
"Liv. Calm down…"
Though the brunette didn't stop yelling, kicking, pushing... "You piece of shit, you want fuck, huh?! I'll show you what a good fuck really is!"
The injured man gasped and laughed through his bleeding mouth. "Hahahaha, Alex, your dyke is showing her true color! I told you. I fucking told you."
"SHUT UP, Ryan! Liv, stop! He's dying. Just give it ten minutes and the rescue will be here!"
"Get off me!" The two women tripped and fell hard, but Alex refused to let go.
"Someone's working on that damn door."Alex cursed, kept glancing over. "Look! The rescues are here! Take a look. Dammit, Liv. They're gonna bust in at any minute and everything will be over!"
"So I better be fucking quick!"
"No! C'mon! Stop fighting me, Olivia! Just wait for the rescue and-"
"She can wait, but I can't!"
"…What? … She…?"
"She's been waiting for such a hell of a long time. I'm so sick of your useless bitch!"
Confused, Alex's jaw dropped.
The brief distraction got her, and the next second she was pushed off.
"Don't move, Cabot! That weak bitch is not here." The brunette spit. "She crawled back to her crying corner. I'm in charge now."
The blond swallowed drily. "I don't-. Who is- 'she'? Who are you?"
"Cabot, kneel."
O-li-via.
To the completely limped and suffocated Olivia Benson weeping in the dark, those life-saving syllables echoing with Alex's tender voice, felt like nectar to a dying bird. She gulped it, begged for more, gritted it like it was the last straw…
Olivia…
Liv…
Liv!
"A-Alex…?" Suddenly, Olivia was able to talk. She saw the terrified blond was awkwardly pushing herself up from the ground, with a bleeding nose.
"What the…" Trying to help her, Olivia noticed the long sharp nail holding in her right hand, and the.38 revolver in her left hand. "What happened?" Her heart skipped a beat, spotting Ryan's bloody lifeless body on the ground, with his pants down.
"POLICE!"
So it happened.
Within a blink, suddenly the elevator door busted down and flash-lights, footsteps, weapons' clicks were surrounded them.
"Olivia Benson! Drop your weapon. Now!"
In the glaring flashlights, Olivia could see nothing as someone moved quickly past her and yelled "he's alive! Medics!..."
The next second her wrists snatched in cold hands.
"Don't shoot! Don't hurt her! She didn't do it! She's the victim…"Alex's heart slammed so hard as someone's radio ordered to get the hostage away. "No! Back off! I'm fine. Let me handle this, please! Just a moment. Trust me!" In their hesitation, Alex stepped forward and blocked Olivia with her own body. "Give me the gun, Liv."
Olivia slowly opened her eyes to the women in front of her. Part of her brain was digging wildly in the blank memory gap, trying to figure out what Walker(or herself) might have done in the latest minutes, while the other part was just wandering between what-ifs.
What if everything just ends here, ends now?
One move.
One simple move… And there will be no more aftermaths, no more struggles and hide and hurt…
But it's gonna hurt Alex, isn't it?
"Alex, honey, get away." Eyes on their hands, Olivia whispered.
"Not before you give me the gun."
"You need to go with them, get out of here." Olivia looked up.
The brown eyes met the blue ones.
"We! We, need to get out together."
Olivia's lips trembled, breaking their eyes contact. "I don't wanna…go out."
"What?...What are you talking about?"
"Step aside, Alex."
Words choked in Alex's throat."Fuck, Olivia. So much we've been through...We're at the very end of the darkest tunnel and you're giving up at the last second?!"
"Alex, how I wish I hadn't doubted you, hurt you…wish I had been there when you were going through those horrible days…I'm sorry. You're the only reason that I made it here…this far…But I hurt you, failed you..."
"Shut up, Liv. I hurt you, too. Didn't I? And if you think I'm so damn strong that never tried to quit my fucking life…God knows how I tried every bloody way to get rid of this baby, but failed every fucking time. You know how close I was to end everything under a truck?…It was you! You saved me, at that moment. Out of nowhere, there came over a little girl stopped me. And her mom called her name, which was, Olivia, too. Can you imagine that? Imagine how I felt? I saw the future all of a sudden. A future with you and me and the baby, together…I thought maybe there still be a second chance for me, for us, and maybe I should fight for it. This little thing, she or he, is gonna has two mommies…You wanna feel it? I started to feel some little movements lately. Wanna feel it?"
Eventually, the brunette resisted as soon as Alex putting her hand on her belly.
"No. No, I can't…" Her tears poured down.
"Yes, you can. And you will. Just drop the weapon, and feel the baby. You wanna pick the name? How about 'Olive' if it's a girl-"
"Stop it!" Olivia cried. "Stop…It's cruel, Alex, shut up...cuz I can't…Dammit. There will not be any future. Don't make say it out loud. God...I don't even know how much time I still got, let alone all these mess…See? They're saving that son-of-a-bitch now, and if he makes it…No. I'm not gonna go to court with him for this. I-I… can't. And I'm not gonna do any surgery anymore. I'm not gonna win. I'm not that strong, you know?" Face up, the brunette's entire body started trembling uncontrollably in sorrow and anger. "I'm just too tired, too damaged, too weak and scared to face the world-"
Suddenly, Alex shut her up with a brusquely kiss. The brunette attempted to push and lean back, but the blond didn't let her.
They froze, before the kiss slowly deepened a little bit.
Bitter and salt came from whosoever's tears on their tongues, didn't matter, as the two women literally sobbed in each other's mouth.
Their long kiss ended when the gun dropped.
"Take her down!"
"Olivia!"
(TBC)
Ok, so, did Alex do a right thing or?
What would you like to see in Ellot's funeral?
Please tell me what you think.:) Can't wait to receive your reviews!