Eames returned home dropping her keys by the key Goren left behind. She knew he was trying a little. She just didn't know why. Was he manipulating my emotions to get me to side with him and let him back in? Was he doing it because he was uncomfortable with conflict? Or was he recognizing his faults and actually doing it out of love? She shook her head trying not to entertain love right now. It was a slippery slope. She could easily lie to herself to forgive him because she missed him. She had to be sure about his motives not force an answer because she wanted him back in her life.
She thought about her behavior recently. I asked him to quit. She pinched the bridge of her nose. Thinking about Goren was giving her a headache. Did I really want him to go? No. It would be easier to move past it at work but she would find herself wanting to work with him again, someday. Avoiding was how Goren dealt with things. It was what got him in trouble. Did she really want to start acting like him? Still, if he made the choice to quit after just getting back or take a lesser position, well it would speak volumes about how he felt about her. That would be a sacrafice for him and it would kill him to make that decision. It would reveal truth. That, she wanted. Knowing that she mattered would make all the difference plus it would be a step towards healing.
She grabbed two asprin from her purse and filled a glass qith water. She tossed the pills in her mouth and drank the water. Her mind and body were at war with herself over Goren. She wasn't sure what was in store for them or if she could ever trust his actions, again. She hated not being with him but she decided right now that their partnership was more important than any relationship they would have had. The partnership would be there even after whatever happened between them fizzled out. They needed to restore that and maybe they could be friends one day.
He is still dealing with so much not that it excuses his behavior. I should have known that he wasn't ready for the relationship. No, we pushed too fast. I tried to convince myself that when he seemed happy, he could really be with me. But, he was so far away even when he was inches away. Maybe she needed to let him go so he could work on getting himself back. It hurt her heart to think that he wouldn't ever fill that role for her. She wanted him to be so much more; everything that she knew he was capable of: happy. Even when I am mad at him, I just want him to be okay.
She washed her face and slipped into pajamas, running her hands down the fabric. It felt great to be out of her work clothes. She curled up in her bed staring at her phone resisting the urge to call him.
I can survive this. I am worth this. Stay strong.