Prompt [paraphrased]: Prosecutors fighting over facing a particular lawyer (or avoiding one, even).
Rather than any particular squabble I figured... why not both all?
Edgeworth cleared his throat, looking down at the document before him.
"All right," he said. "Version 12. Please hold your comments until the end."
There were a few mumbled agreements; he peered up over the top of the page, glaring one by one around the table and lingering particularly on Klavier. Eventually everyone at least nodded, which he supposed was good enough at this point.
"'Trials will as always be assigned on a basis of skill, availability, and priority,'" he read. "'In addition, the sitting defense counsel will alter the prosecutor assignments, except in circumstances where either (a) the prosecutor is already actively working with a full case-load, or (b) the Chief Prosecutor exercises their right to overrule and redistribute assignments. Whenever possible, trials will remain under the care of one prosecutor throughout, even if the focus of the trial, defense counsel, and/or crime involved changes midway through. NO MID-TRIAL APPEALS FOR REASSIGNMENT ALLOWED. Additionally, there will be a twice-yearly waiving of defense counsel priority at the discretion of the Chief Prosecutor to allow other prosecutors to hone their skills against various opponents.
'The defense counsel will alter assignments according to the following:
-Apollo Justice defending: Klavier Gavin has priority on all local cases; Nahyuta Sahdmahdi on all international cases. Simon Blackquill has second priority on local cases, in the event Gavin is unable to take the case.
-Athena Cykes defending: Simon Blackquill has priority on all cases. However, when she is only acting as co-counsel, Blackquill's priority is second to the priority regarding the lead defense. Pending successful qualification for a badge, Robin Newman has second priority on all cases.
-Phoenix Wright defending: Franziska von Karma has priority on all international cases, excepting those dealing specifically with Khura'in, in which case Nahyuta Sahdmahdi has priority. In the event of local cases, Simon Blackquill has second priority for cases with Athena Cykes as co-counsel. Klavier Gavin has second priority for cases with Apollo Justice as co-counsel. Miles Edgeworth has ultimate priority on ALL cases, at his discretion, excepting ones involving the defense of animals or the involvement of witnesses Wendy Oldbag and/or Larry Butz. In the event of his release from prison and successful re-qualifying as a prosecutor, Godot has priority on those particular cases.'"
Edgeworth smirked a little, reading the last line. He really hadn't deemed it necessary to mention anyone but current prosecutors, himself... but that had changed due to outside pressure at least six drafts ago. At least Godot couldn't complain he wasn't being involved anymore.
A glance around the table showed several mulish faces, and more than one person angrily scribbling notes, but no one had actually interrupted yet. This was going so much better than the last eleven times already.
He went on to the final remarks: "'Additional special assignments (these priorities supersede defense counsel priorities, excepting specific decisions by the Chief Prosecutor):
-Sebastian Debeste has priority on all cases with simple, straightforward logic that do NOT involve facing any member of the Wright Anything Agency. For the time being, he has negative priority on all such cases regardless of apparent simplicity.
-Klavier Gavin has priority on all cases heavily involving music or celebrities.
-Simon Blackquill has priority on all cases rooted heavily in Japanese culture, or involving avains.
-Winston Payne has priority on all cases against rookie defense lawyers, excepting those matching the qualifications for Debeste's priority.
-Miles Edgeworth has priority on all cases involving certain cultural staples in media.
-In the event of his release from prison and successful re-qualifying as a prosecutor, Godot has priority on cases involving caffeinated beverages.
-In the event of her release from prison and successful re-qualifying as a prosecutor, Lana Skye has priority on all cases relating to police corruption or serial killers.
-In the event that he returns to Japanifornia and is rehired, Gaspen Payne is forbidden from all cases involving young women in any significant role. He has second priority on cases involving rookie defense lawyers.
'All prosecutors have priority on cases involving criminal acts committed by members of their own family or friend group, due to the unique insight this relation may allow. However, they will be subject to close observation by the Chief Prosecutor throughout, and immediately removed at any signs of favoritism.'"
With a sigh, Edgeworth set the paper down. At this point, he expected some objections, but overall he really thought he'd covered just about every base he could. This process had unexpectedly bloomed to taking several weeks already, but if they could all simply come to an agreement it would save him so many protests, arguments, complaints, and mediations that it would be well worth the trouble. He so looked forward to his subordinates' willing acceptance of their trial assignments that he'd actually dreamed of it and woken up weeping softly. In the brief silence after he finished reading the document, he dared to hope it might just be that time now...
"Any que-" he began and was immediately spoken over by nearly everyone in the room at once.
"I get first priority for something this time!" Sebastian cheered. "And I'm the only one in that category! Not to mention the first on that list; obviously, this points to me being the best, right?"
"I don't like this waiving of priority business, Edgeworth-dono," Blackquill drawled with a dangerous look in his eyes. "I think we should just stick with what works. Some people can't be trusted to show the appropriate respect to Ath- their opponents."
"I am the preeminent international prosecutor and highly respected by Interpol!" Franziska raged over video-call. There was a whip-crack offscreen. "In all international matters, I ought to have priority, regardless of which fool I am facing!"
"You know nothing of the Holy Mother," Nahyuta told her from his own tablet. He took out his rosary and demanded, "Humble yourself and pray for forgiveness."
"MILES EDGEWORTH, you foolish waste of a fool!" she screamed instead. The whipping sounds increased into a frenzy of cracks and someone offscreen yelped.
"Why do you all get to face Wright before ME?" Winston screeched at no one in particular. "Why does everyone get everyone?! I can defeat people who aren't rookies too if you just let me have a chance at revenge!"
"Thank you for including me at all," Lana said calmly from the third and final screen. "If I'm ever in a position to again, I will do my best."
On the other half of the split-screen from prison, Godot had flung his coffee at the computer and the only noise from him was mechanical buzzing and sparking as the screen slowly became covered in black.
Edgeworth winced heavily, but... two wasn't bad. At least compared to every time previous. And most of the other complaints could be reasoned through fairly easily using simple logic. Perhaps this truly would be the final version -
"Achtung!" Klavier said, playing a chord of music so loud that it cut everyone else off in surprise. Edgeworth was shocked to notice he had his guitar in his hands - and plugged into an amp, at that. He'd never even noticed him move, in all the chaos. Still, just this once, he didn't mind at all. He rubbed his temples.
"Herr Chief," Klavier went on with a charming grin. "Though we may not love the contents of this document, I think we can all recognize the hard work put into it. I've got just a few questions, myself."
"Go ahead, Gavin," Edgeworth said. He crossed his fingers beneath the desk, hoping he wasn't about to be called out on some of the more self-serving details of the document. He'd really thought everyone would be too distracted by their own preferences to notice...
"Well," Klavier said, and his grin widened an extremely chaotic notch: "I can't help but notice there's no mention of detectives on here. I'm sure we've all got our own preferences on that matter, as well. For example, a certain Fraulein Detective -"
Maybe he should just retire, Edgeworth thought, as the room filled with noise once again. He'd had a successful career, hadn't he? He'd put in his time, he'd bettered the system, he'd worked for years without complaint - a vacation, at the very least, surely. Right now would be as good a time as any.
"Hah! Naturally, no less than the Chief of Police will work for me if I must rely on local police!" Franziska scoffed, ignoring the three-way argument already going on over Ema Skye. "Scruffy is used to following my orders."
"Excuse me," Edgeworth found himself saying. He recognized that he was playing right into their hands, that he was being just as petty and possessive as the rest, but, but - "Chief Gumshoe is obviously my own investigative partner! Our years of working together clearly trump yours-"
He spent the weekend drafting Version 13 and kicking walls.
During the process of writing this I realized the Ace Attorney world doesn't give a crap about conflict of interest, dark age of the law or not. Of course we can headcanon gradual behind-the-scenes changes that are being implemented and so on, and in a serious fic I'm sure I would but for this I decided let's just lean wayyyy in on it and give every prosecutor the chance to put their siblings on trial if necessary!
I must admit I've never played Investigations 2 so Sebastian is just based on other fic I've read/the wiki, but I did have fun putting him in here.