Chapter 57: Coco-nut

Shiina Makoto let out a sigh after finishing the last of his homework for the night. Between school and the boxing club he had a lot less free time that he would like. Though, on the other hand, it kept him too busy to think about how he'd so totally lost out on the competition for Hibari. As much he'd been training lately he couldn't hold a candle to Ranma in a fight. Even when Ranma was a girl.

It was depressing.

Shaking his head, he got up and wandered his way to the living room, wondering if the tv would be free. On the way, though, he was interrupted by a knocking at the door. Confused about who would be knocking well after 8pm, he opened the door a sliver, to be presented with a very odd sight.

The strange man was dressed for a vacation in Hawaii, what looked to be a palm tree growing out of the top of his head. He also wore an unsettlingly large smile.

"Oh! Makoto-kun! You've grown!" the man said.

"Who are you?"

"Did you dad not tell you I'd be droppin' by?" the man asked, peppering in English to an almost obnoxious degree.

"Uh, one moment," Shiina replied, before turning his head back towards the house. "Dad! Front door! There's a... a guy for you!"

His father popped his head out of the living room a moment later, ready to ask Makoto for more information, until he spotted the new arrival and lit up.

"Jimmy!" the elder Shiina said, running over to the door with open arms.

"Danny!" the Jimmy man replied.

"You're early!" Shiina senior said as Makoto stepped out of the way.

"I went to the airport to buy my tickets, and it turned out they had some openings on stand-by," Jimmy replied.

Makoto stayed near the conversation, as the two men chatted away merrily. It was generally just them catching up on old times, but it included some stories Makoto hadn't heard, and, well... he had nothing better to do.

At least until Jimmy's tone suddenly went serious, and Makoto found himself leaning in with rapt attention.

"My boy Tate-kun doesn't seem to want me around, though... do you still have that spare bedroom? I'll gladly pay you the rent for it," Jimmy said.

"Come on, Jimmy, I couldn't take your money!" the elder Shiina man replied.

"You either will or he doesn't stay," Shiina's mother said as she walked in.

"Sweety, he's my best friend!"

"It's no problem," Jimmy replied, waving a hand dismissively. "You know I can afford it."

"Still..." Makoto's father muttered.

"I'm not dealing with his antics for free," Makoto's mother countered.

Hibari and Ranma walked hand in hand on their way to school, Hibari having grabbed the shorter girl's hand and was holding tight so that Ranma couldn't wiggle out of it. Ranma still had progress to make with casual public displays of affection, and Hibari was ready to provide lessons. She also liked the way those lessons left Ranma a blushing mess. She was just so cute sometimes.

Hibari's temptation to kiss Ranma was interrupted by a slightly singed looking Shiina wandering down the street.

"Yo! Everything okay?" Hibari called out.

Shiina took a moment to turn to them, and the pair saw he seemed to be missing his eyebrows. There was also some soot on his face, though he'd clearly made an effort to wash off most of it.

"Coconuts," he muttered mysteriously, before continuing to walk.

"Coconuts?" Ranma asked.

"An exploding coconut," Shiina replied, continuing to walk. "I get why my mum wanted to charge him rent."

Two days later the students of Furinkan High School's first two years were gathered for an assembly. The principal had apparently returned and all students had been called down. The fact that the third years had, universally, chosen to bail and head home for the day when given news had made the younger students apprehensive, but most assumed that just meant they'd be dealing with a verbose and rambling man. Nabiki knew better, Kasumi had told her the stories, but she'd been in trouble already for a teacher catching her stealing an answer sheet and so she'd had no opportunity to escape. (It seemed an excessive response in her mind. She wasn't even taking that class, so it would have no impact on her academic performance. Was it really right to punish her for the fact other students were willing to pay to cheat?)

Akane and Kousaku were completely oblivious to what was coming.

"Boys and girls!" a voice called out in English, before the curtain raised off of the stage revealing a man dressed for Hawaii standing before them with a large smile. "Welcome all to my homecoming!"

The crowd of students muttered a vague welcome, mostly confused by the oddly dressed man before them.

"It's been too long since I've been with all you bright and fresh young minds! But... the teachers tell me that there's been some delinquency going about in the absence of my discipline," the man continued.

Akane found herself getting a bit of a headache trying to keep up with some of the English words he was using. Couldn't he just stick to Japanese?

Her complaints about his speech patterns were dislodged when two massive sheets descended behind the principal and he burst into a smile. They showed a figure marked 'boy' with a shaved head and one marked 'girl' with... well, it was a short and ugly haircut that Akane didn't think deserved a name.

"So! New Haircuts for everyone!" the man announced.

"What!?" "Those are hideous!" "I'll transfer schools over this!" and similar protests were heard.

"But wait!" the principal shouted. "If you all can win my team building exercise I'll let you keep your current haircuts! I've got here a certificate that, if you can find it in the coconut I hide it in, means you'll win!"

"Then I shall seize it now!" Tatewaki shouted, charging forward onto the stage.

"Woah! Woah! Wait your turn!" the principal replied, leaping back and dodging Tatewaki's bokuto strikes. "This is not team building!"

"Victory by any means is justified when one's hair is at stake!" Tatewaki cried, chasing the palm-tree headed principal about. "Stand still so that I may hit thee!"

A rope dropped from above the stage as the pair ran about, dangling at about shoulder level. Dodging and swerving the principal made his way to it and gave it a yank. Suddenly dozens of coconuts rained down from above.

They then exploded, a mixture of flash bombs and smoke bombs.

When the students finally regained their vision and the smoke had cleared the principal was nowhere to be seen. Only a dazed Tatewaki, and, hanging where the posters on the new haircut regulations had been: a large photo of what had to be a young Tatewaki with a shaved head looking on the edge of tears.

"How did he even get that?" several students asked.

Nabiki, for her part, noticed that the teachers and other staff had vanished. It was time to take charge. She rushed onto the stage, pulling out a megaphone.

"Alright, everyone! Let's show this coconut obsessed weirdo what we're made out of! Everyone, head to the sports equipment storage sheds! Get some baseball bats and anything else that might be good for breaking open coconuts! Second years: check the school grounds and ground level of the buildings! First years check the upper floors of the main building!" she ordered.

Enough of the student body feared her that they began to follow her orders. That provided enough inertia to get the rest to follow suit. Akane, especially, was on the warpath.

Nabiki, meanwhile, felt like it was time to play into Principal Kuno's eccentricities the same way she'd play into Kuno Tatewaki's oddities from time to time.

Principal Kuno was relaxing by the water, playing his ukulele as the sounds of chaos filtered in from the rest of the school. The sounds of explosions weren't overly loud, but they complemented his playing well. (In his opinion. No one would have agreed with him.)

He was drawn from his playing by a splashing noise. Looking up, he spotted a girl on a small raft waving towards him. She was wearing polynesian looking clothes and had tears in her eyes.

"Please, pass me a rope!" Nabiki called out, hoping she wasn't hamming things up too much.

"Oh my god! Of course miss, of course!" he called out, running off to try to find a rope.

After a few minutes he found one, and threw it out to Nabiki. She caught it and pulled herself and her floating matt over to the edge of the pool.

"Oh, thank you!" she said, grabbing his hands in her own. "You're so kind, just as I thought!"

"Anything for an island girl," the principal replied.

"Then... then I make one request?" Nabiki asked.

"Yes, of course."

"You see... on my island our haircuts are very important to us. If I were forced to cut it in line with the new regulations it would be a dishonour to my whole clan," Nabiki explained. "Please, let me know where the certificate that lets me get out of it."

"The—Oh no! I don't remember where I put it!" the principal replied. "I'll help you find it! For the sake of your clan!"

Nabiki felt like her will to live was trying to escape out her mouth as she let out a tired sigh.

She should have expected a Kuno to be an idiot.

Akane watched a smouldering Kousaku twitch as he lay on the ground of the fake jungle that had, at some point, been set up in the gymnasium.

"Are you okay?" she asked, leaning over him.

"Apparently they're real electric eels," Kousaku replied, twitching a few more times.

"We could have tested it another way," Akane said, glancing at the tank filled with roughly equal parts of eels, water, and coconuts.

"I can't let him shave my head," Kousaku muttered.

"We're not going to let him win, don't worry," Akane said, taking a deep breath.

If they couldn't get the coconuts because they were in water with electric eels, then she could get them all out and separated the quick way. So, she punched the edge of the tank, rupturing a hole in the side and causing the water to poor out. And the eels. And the coconuts. And the eels panicked, zapping away. While the whole class now found themselves standing in water.

In hindsight, it wasn't the best plan Akane had ever had. At the present, though, she had a bit too much electricity running through her to have any real logical thoughts.

The school was in shambles. There was water damage in almost every room, and explosion damage in about half of them. Most of the teachers were at least mildly injured, as were many of the students. The principal had tried to claim adversity brought everyone together, as he hung from the roof, wrapped in artificial vines.

Akane had punched him for that.

But they'd found the stupid certificate. And so there'd be no haircuts.

Nabiki left at that point, even if there was still supposed to be another hour of classes. She had a meeting scheduled with Hibari and had to get cleaned up. She also had to deal with how this would, undoubtedly, take a major bite out of her revenue stream.

Walking home, slowly as she was limping slightly, she realised that it might just up sales of Akane's pictures. The students would be looking for a distraction from the chaos, and pictures of cute girls were a popular distraction. Unfortunately, she didn't currently have a new batch to release.

Waving off Kasumi's concern about her coming home early, Nabiki slipped into the furo to clean up. While rinsing with cold water, she realised there was one way she could get new photos to sell.

"You're sure you'll be okay, Shiina?" Ranma asked as she, Hibari, Shui, and Shiina walked home after school.

They weren't exactly friends with him, but he'd been looking like trash all week and so even Shui was concerned.

"Apparently Jimmy-san's going back to work today, so... hopefully all his preparations for his return party are over," Shiina muttered. "I never want to see another coconut in my life, though."

"Alright, but, if not... my dad can probably find you a place," Hibari said.

Shiina shook his head. "No offense, but I don't want to be in his debt."

"None taken," Hibari replied.

With that, the students went their separate ways. Hibari and Ranma headed back to the Oozora home, to be surprised to find Nabiki had already arrived for her bi-weekly meeting, and was currently sitting in the living room listening to Suzume's grade school gossip, providing tips on how to get juicier information.

"You're early," Hibari said.

"Our principal is deranged," Nabiki replied, shaking her head. "Boobytrapped coconuts and a mishmash jungle obsession. He had a Polynesian theme going, then had teachers dress as lions to scare students. Lions?"

"Boobytrapped coconuts?" Ranma asked.

"Did they explode?" Hibari added.

Nabiki's eyes slid into a thousand-yard stare. "Yes."

"You don't think?" Hibari said, turning to Ranma.

"I guess it's not impossible?" Ranma replied.

"What?" Nabiki asked.

"Shiina's dad has an old friend staying with them. Apparently he's been testing exploding coconuts around the house and generally making Shiina's life miserable," Hibari replied.

"I... well, I know Principal Kuno isn't staying at home, since Tatewaki-chan doesn't seem to remember who he is, so... I guess it could be him," Nabiki muttered.

"Tatewaki... that's the obnoxious samurai idiot, right?" Hibari asked.

Nabiki nodded.

"Pans out. Shiina was training with him for a bit... not sure if it's still happening," Hibari replied.

"You have to get that Shiina guy to spy for me. Please. Knowing what the principal might be planning would be worth a mint," Nabiki said. "I bet even the teachers would want in on that."

Hibari sat down and grabbed a clementine from the fruit bowl in the middle of the table. "I'll ask him, but he's not really spy material."

Ranma sat beside her, looking deep in thought. Then the short redhead began giggling away.

"Do you have something to share with the rest of us?" Nabiki asked.

"Oh, I was just realising, if he's really named Jimmy, then his full name would be Jimmy Kuno, right? That's just such a silly name," Ranma said, continuing to giggle.

"I'd guess 'Jimmy' is a nickname," Hibari replied. "But it is silly all together."

"Oooh. I am so going to call him Jimmy, just to drive him nuts," Nabiki said, an evil smile on her face. She then shook her head. "Anyway, due to half the school getting blown up... I'm probably not going to be able to pull in as much revenue as usual from my regular sources."

"That's fair," Hibari replied.

"I do think I know a way to make up for it, though," Nabiki added, looking back and forth between Ranma and Hibari.

"Oh? I'm curious," Hibari said with a raised eyebrow.

"Two cute redheads who already have a fanbase doing a little modelling would go over quite nicely," Nabiki explained. "Boys, and a few girls, would love the moral boost."

"Oh," Ranma and Hibari said together, glancing at each other.

"I... I don't know how I feel about Hibari... and a buncha guys seein' her, and... and ownin' pics..." Ranma muttered.

"As long as I get free copies of Ranma's shots I'm happy," Hibari replied.

Ranma's cheeks turned as red as her hair at that. "D-don't ya got at least a little jealousy?"

"It's making them all envious of my luck," Hibari replied. "As the old saying goes: if you've got it, flaunt it."

Ranma let out a chuckle and shook her head. "Alright. But I don't want you wearin' anythin' scandalous for these pictures, alright? Cute clothes, sure, but, not, like... underwear or nothin'."

Hibari gave an accepting shrug, ready to accept that, when another idea hit. "I mean, if I do pose in a bikini or the like, there certainly won't be anyone questioning my gender ever again after that."

"She makes a very valid point," Nabiki added.

Ranma turned red, crossing her arms and scrunching up her face as she thought it over.

"It makes sense to me," Suzume chimed in.

Ranma let out a tired sigh. "Alright... yeah. But only this one time, alright?"

"Of course," Hibari replied with a grin.

The next day was a work day for Hibari and Ranma. Fumiko found the pair such fun to work with, even if Ranma mostly relied on enthusiasm to make up for a lack of understanding on how coffee worked. It was hard to stay mad at the puppy eyes she gave when asking for help with the espresso machine for the fourth time in a shift.

Fumiko was a bit less focused than usual, though, as she had a date to look forward to. Oozora Ibari was a busy man, so they hadn't had too many chances to spend time together, and she was sure she'd treasure every chance she got.

The date was why they were closing up early (Hibari not quite being ready to watch over the open shop on her own).

"I'm still not sure he's good enough for you," Hibari muttered as she washed up a few mugs.

"He has potential," Fumiko replied. "He's much kinder to you than my parents were to me... and I'm sure Ranma is gradually breaking down his resistance."

"I'm good at makin' people question their assumptions!" the short girl in question declared as she mopped the main area.

"And you're sure you're doing alright, staying a girl still?" Fumiko asked.

Ranma nodded. "It ain't always the best thing, but it's part of winnin' something. And I ain't no quitter."

Fumiko smiled. Any further conversation was cut off by knocking at the door. She hurried over to find Ibari waiting for her. As she opened the door she was hit with an odd scent of lilac.

"I was starting to worry something had happened," she said. "Is that a new cologne?"

"New co—no, no. I think I might have grabbed the wrong sham... shampoo or something when I was getting ready. My hair started feeling extra light and springy all of a sudden," Ibari replied. "The danger of having as many daughters as I do, I suppose. As nice as my scalp feels, the smell doesn't really match me very well, now does it?"

"I'm sure your bathroom smells quite nice with all the products the girls have," Fumiko said with a smile, before leaning back into the coffee shop. "Are you two good with me locking up, then?"

"Yeah, as long as you two don't stay out too late," Hibari called back.

"We'll be back by 9pm, don't worry," Fumiko said, laughing as she locked up.

Ibari then led her down to the car, where he opened the door for her. The pair chatted a little about the weather and how her business was doing on the short drive to the yakiniku restaurant. Apparently the owner was a former employee (and current friend) of Ibari's, so he assured her they'd get the best service. She'd noticed that pretty well every restaurant they visited was run by someone Ibari knew personally, though it was far from surprising with his line of work.

As the pair sat at the table it was clear there was something on Ibari's mind as he squirmed and read the menu over.

"Is everything alright?" she asked.

"Oh, it's—well, it's just... Ranma. His whole condition... I do hope you don't find it too strange?" Ibari replied, it was obvious he was avoiding a more sensitive and personal topic.

"Ranma is a very unique teen, I will say that. I don't understand everything about him, but he's a good kid," Fumiko said. "A hard worker with a positive attitude. Really a pleasure to have around the shop."

Ibari nodded, his mind visibly still circling the real topic.

"Obviously, I'll never know why he likes to turn back into a boy when he can live as a girl if he wanted, but that comes from being a woman and not a man," she added, curious what Ibari would make of that.

"I... well..." Ibari started, faltering a little as he struggled with a metaphor. Wondering how to talk about Hibari while seeming like it was just about Ranma still. "Boys should want to be boys and girls should want to be girls, right?"

"It's good to want to be what you are, but... who really gets to decide 'should' anyhow? I'll bet a lot of people think you 'should' change careers to something more legal, but do you agree with them?" Fumiko replied. "I really think our society puts far too much pressure on 'shoulds' and doesn't let people become who they could be."

"Your parents don't approve of your career path, do they?" Ibari asked.

Fumiko smiled a moment, before her attempts to hold back giggling failed utterly. "Oh my... my parents do not approve of most of what I've done with my life. But, yes, my career path is one of them."

"Well, I think it's admirable. This country would do well to have more headstrong business-minded women about," Ibari replied with enthusiastic nodding.

"It's so nice to know your daughter will get the support I didn't," Fumiko said, smiling away (and succeeding at holding back giggles this time).

"Wh-pardon? Which daughter?"

"Why, Hibari of course? She's definitely got a mind for business. Probably more ambitious than I am by a longshot," Fumiko replied.

Ibari blushed a little. "Oh, oh yes. Hibari. Yes. Hibari is definitely business minded. I wish I could have her succeed me in running the family business, but... well, the domain of yakuza is the domain of men."

"I'm sure she'll still find something to make you proud, don't worry," Fumiko said, placing a hand on his and smiling gently. "Now, then, let's order some food. I'm quite hungry after working all day."

"Oh yes! Of course!"

Shampoo smiled to herself as she got ready for bed. That was one down. Now she just needed to deal with the panda.